


Matt's Mile

by JotItDown



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Dealing, Eating Disorders, Extremely Dubious Consent, Friends With Benefits, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Multi, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Bondage, Openly Gay Dean Winchester, Rape/Non-con Elements, Religious Fanaticism, Sexual Repression, Slow Burn, Teen Pregnancy, The Supernatural Doesn't Exist, Underage Drinking, everyone is human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2020-04-23 06:37:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 171,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19145563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotItDown/pseuds/JotItDown
Summary: High school football star Dean Winchester recruits his younger brother Sam as his wingman to try to hook up with the hot new kid.  But Castiel Novak is trying hard to run away from his past.  When fate and bad decisions throw the Winchesters one curveball after another, Castiel has a decision to make.  Should he stay with one brother who's his best friend and the other he can't deny being attracted to?  Or should he run back to his closet and leave the brothers to their destiny?(Completed work, will update once or twice a week)





	1. First Day of School

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mungojassie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mungojassie/gifts).



> This story will get pretty dark. If there's anything in the tags that might trigger you, please don't read. Due to personal reasons, don't be alarmed if I don't respond to every comment. But if I don't respond, my brothers just might.
> 
> I had not originally intended to post this prior to our family vacation, which means I wasn't going to post until at least July. But I got a needed kick in the ass tonight. I've been trying to surprise someone. But the end result is I've been kind of a shit friend, keeping someone who doesn't deserve it in the dark for the sake of surprise. Not worth it. Sorry about what will probably be a long gap between postings at the end of June. If you like it, subscribe and thank you for sticking with me.
> 
> Two ladies I cannot thank enough. The first is my beta, Funtimewriter/Mistyeyes73. She not only betaed the shit out of this, she even sent me links to the songs she shared with me as the chapters come up. You are the Grand Jedi Mistress of Plot Kudzu and those songs? Some of them really hit us. The second is Mungojassie. MJ, this wouldn't have been written if you hadn't encouraged me to do it, so this is for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of his senior year and Dean's already chasing after the hot new guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is completed, but I won't guarantee a posting schedule. Should be at least weekly. Summer is a busy time. No promises.

_Prequel_

_I leaned over the toilet, stomach heaving.Shit.I didn’t even have to stick my finger down my throat anymore.After years of abuse, my body was to the point where I could throw up just by thinking about it._

_Flushing the disgusting mess away, I moved to the sink.There I rinsed my mouth and splashed cold water on my face.Looking up revealed my own face in the mirror.It was not a pretty picture.Bad enough the water dripping off my chin and the flushed skin.My cheeks were so hollow I could see the clear outline of my own skull.My shoulder bones jutted up beneath my shirt.Beneath it was even worse.I knew my ribs were clearly visible.My hips were sharp and protruding.My arms and legs were like twigs.Except for my full head of hair, I looked like a cancer patient._

_Maybe I was, in a way.I was dying from a cancer of my own creation.And here I’d been doing so well.I’d honestly believed I was in recovery.But now, the first major stressor had triggered a massive relapse.Now I was almost back to where I’d been when I’d been hospitalized._

_“You threw up again.”_

_I grimaced and clutched at the sink.“Yes, yes I did.Thank you so much for pointing that out.”_

_“You’re still mad at me.”_

_He was coming into the bathroom, stepping just inside the door.Normally he’d be running around in sweats.He didn’t have to get into his police uniform until after noon, and generally didn’t take the time to get dressed just for a few hours in the morning.But today was different.He was wearing a carefully ironed shirt and pants with a belt.He looked like he was going on a job interview.The only thing that was missing was a tie.And here I was, in my best tee-shirt and jeans.Of course, I was expected to go out into the field, while he’d be primarily indoors._

_“I’m not mad at you,” I said.I mopped my face with a towel.“You’re right.You’re all right.This is important.It’s something I have to do.I only wish you’d discussed it with me first.”_

_I was staring into the sink now, but I could hear him.His footsteps came closer until he was right behind me.Then a pair of strong arms went around my waist.He held me close, resting his head against the back of my bony shoulder.“I love you,” he said simply.“I hate seeing you like this.And I hate that there’s this tension between us.I know it’s not helping you now, but I really believe, in my heart, that it’s for the best.You’re sick because you’re trapped in the past.Until you face it?You can’t ever go forward.And you’ll be back here again and again until…”_

_“Until it finally kills me,” I whispered.“I know.”_

_The arms tightened around me.“The day they had to take you to the hospital?When I saw you there and the doctors told us about your heart?”He took a deep breath.“I knew this could kill you.I knew the danger was there.But that brought it all home.You passed out!No one could wake you up.You could have died, and I can’t let that happen.”_

_“Why is it up to you to save me?” I snapped, showing a flash of temper.“You know the therapist says that the trigger for me is a loss of control.So your big solution is to put me into a situation where I have no control at all?!”_

_“You need this.”_

_“Do I, Dr. Phil?”Irritated, I squirmed out of his grip and turned to face him.“Ok, maybe I am still mad.I wasn’t given any choice in this or any warning.You just sprang it on me!Now what the hell am I supposed to say to them, huh?After the shit I pulled, I’m amazed they even want to talk to me!”_

_“Well, they do.”That stubborn set was back in his jaw.“They want to talk to you, and you need to hear whatever they have to say.You owe them that much.But no matter what happens today, you need to use it as a starting point to move forward.”_

_I didn’t respond.He came forward again and pulled me into a hug.“I love you.You know that.”_

_“I love you, too,” I told him, hugging him back.“And you’re right.You were right all along.And I want you to know, I’m glad you’ll be here with me for this.”_

_He smiled at me as though I’d just said something stupid.But I kind of had.Of course he’d be there with me.He’d always been there for me when I needed him most._

_I thought about what he said.I was sick because I was trapped in the past.I’d never be able to go forward until I faced it.I wiped at my mouth, ashamed at my own weakness.I’d been doing so well, but the first major stressor sent me right back to old habits.This couldn’t continue._

_I followed him outside, climbed into the car.I knew where we’d be meeting them.Already my heart was pounding.Relax.Breathe.Whatever was coming, I wasn’t alone.I reached over and gave his arm a squeeze as he drove.He made a small sound of approval.I let my hands fall into my lap, and my mind wandered back into the past._

_Ch 1 First Day of School_

Sophomore year.Helluva time.One year better than being a freshman, but still on the receiving end of all the high school bullshit.Sam was very much aware of this as he ducked and weaved his way through the hallowed halls.He realized with dismay that pretty much every other guy towered over him now.Shit.

“Hey, Sammy!”

“Hi, Sam!”

“What’s up, Sammy?”

“Sammy, you cheering Friday?”

“Hey, hi, not much, and yes,” Sam called, finally finding his locker and frowning at the combination of his new lock.

“You didn’t learn a damned thing, did you?”It was his friend Inias, who fortunately had the locker next to his.“Seriously, Sammy, it’s like you’re asking to get your ass kicked!”

“Really?” Sam asked, irritated.“This, from the guy who, when I told him I was going to try out last year, said he wanted to join the cheerleading squad with me?”

“I didn’t actually want to join.I just thought you were making a statement about gender inequality!”

“God, you’re a nerd.”He managed to get his locker open and started arranging his things.“I went and tried out and was the only guy who did.Might be why they took me.”

“That, or you can dance your ass off.”

“Or that.At any rate, I’m on the squad.”

Inias leaned against his locker to inspect his friend.“Do you get to wear the sweater and the mini skirt?”

“The sweater, yes.The mini skirt?I’m reasonably certain they have one in my size, but don’t be a dumbass.”Sam got his belongings arranged to his liking and picked up his backpack.“Most of the time, I’ll be wearing the dog anyway.I’m the mascot, remember?”

Inias moved closer and lowered his voice.“Do you get to change with the rest of the squad?”

“I change in the male locker room with the teams, you pervert!”Sam shook his head, disgusted.“You’re as bad as Lisa Braeden.”

“Whoa, Lisa Braeden wanted you to change in the women’s locker room?!”

“No, she threatened to pick me up and snap me over her knee if I so much as peeked in there.”

Inias considered this, his eyes moving over the other boy’s slight frame.“She probably could.Did you stop eating over the summer, Sam?I think you actually shrank a bit!”

“Eat me.”Sam slammed his locker shut.

He’d barely turned to head to his first class when a pair of arms wrapped around him, lifting him off of his feet.He sighed.“Hello, Dean,” he told his brother.

“Sammy!”Dean hefted Sam up like a sack of potatoes and turned, bringing the smaller boy with him to look down the hall.“Did you see the new kid?”

“Hmm?”Sam looked, spotting a head of dark, somewhat messy hair bent down as its owner walked, eyes fixed on the floor.“Oh, yeah, what was his name?Castiel?That’s it, Castiel Novak.Seems nice enough, pretty shy.”

“He’s the hottest piece of ass this school has ever seen,” Dean announced.“I’m tapping that before I graduate, I swear it!”

Sam groaned.“Dean, what the hell makes you think he’s gay?”

“I can tell.It’s like a sixth sense.”

Another groan, louder this time.“Not your gaydar again!”

“When have I ever been wrong?”

“Last summer when we went to Disneyland and that Goth kid punched you?”

Dean shrugged, undeterred.“His makeup threw me off.”

“How about the time you tried to kiss Uriel at the homecoming game?”

“Uriel’s a closet case.He doesn’t count.Besides, I was drunk.”Dean still hadn’t made any move towards putting Sam down, ignoring the way the smaller boy was squirming and looking pointedly towards the floor.“Ok, I need my wingman.”

“Oh for...!”

“He’s new, and...How do you know his name anyway?”

“We were in homeroom together.”

“Perfect!”

“Come on, Dean!The guy’s new, at least give him a chance to get his bearings before you go putting the moves on him?”

“An ass that fine is too good to wait.Ok, make friends with him, get to know him, find out what he likes.Tell me everything when I get home after school.”

“You have to drive me home.I have cheer practice after school today.”

“You spent half the summer at cheer camp!What the hell else do you need to practice?”

“Do you practice for football, Dean?Cheerleading is a sport, too!”

Dean looked unconvinced.“Fine, call me.”

“Whatever, put me down.”

Dean carefully set Sam back on his feet.“Remember, details!I want details!”

“I know the routine, Dean.This is not the first time I have played wingman for you, against my better judgement.”

Dean looked fondly at him.“You’re sooooo good at it!”

Sam glared at him.“Don’t you have some poor new teacher to terrorize?”

Dean made kissy faces at him.Then he jogged off, ignoring the rules about no running in the hall.

Inias dared to approach.“Are you sure one of you isn’t adopted?”

“Mom and dad swear we’re both natural children,” Sam sighed.

“Maybe there was a mix-up in the hospital?” Inias suggested hopefully.

“I could only wish.See you at lunch?”

“You got it!”

***

Castiel had made a long study of floor tiles.The ones he was currently watching were largely unremarkable.He watched them as he walked, keeping aware enough through his peripheral vision to avoid running into people, but making certain not to make eye contact with anyone.

Unfortunately, this kid’s height put him precisely at eye level when he stepped into Castiel’s path.“Hi!” he called cheerfully.“I’m Sam Winchester.You’re Castiel, right?”

Castiel looked around, making sure the kid wasn’t talking to anyone else.Then he looked back at the other boy.“Yes, that’s right.I’m Castiel Novak.”

“Yeah, I saw you in homeroom.Welcome to Lawrence High!”Sam was pumping his hand.

“Pleased to meet you, Sam.”

“Likewise.Ok if I call you Cas?”

Castiel blinked.“Um, I suppose so?”

“Great!So Cas, where’s your next class?”

Castiel’s class schedule vanished from his hand.Sam was narrowing his eyes at it, his lips moving slightly as he read.The other boy was short, but handsome, with hazel eyes, short brown hair, and apparently limitless energy.No, Castiel told himself.Don’t even think that way.This school was going to be different.

Sam had apparently seen what he’d wanted to see and was handing the schedule back.“You got Spitzler for algebra, too!Great, we’re together.C’mon, let’s head over.Spitzler’s boring as hell, but she grades easy.Let’s get in there quick, get seats together so we can at least talk to each other.”

Castiel had no idea what to say to Sam, but the smaller boy had him by the arm and was basically dragging him forward now.Castiel stumbled after him.

Sam was apparently very popular.People were calling out greetings left and right as he moved through the hall, dodging other students until he reached a classroom.The only thing he stopped for was a couple of girls.Sam flirted with them brazenly.Castiel watched them giggle and bat their eyes at Sam, feeling the familiar twist in his gut.But even they didn’t hold Sam’s attention for long.Pulling Castiel into the classroom, he made a beeline for a couple of seats near the middle of the room.Surprised, Castiel took a seat, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

“Teacher psychology,” Sam explained.“If you sit in the front, you’re either a smartass with all the answers or a kiss-up looking for teacher’s pet.Either one gets you called on.If you sit in the back, you’re a screw-off trying to hide something, so you’ll get called on to make sure you’re actually paying attention.So we sit right in the middle, where we blend in and attract minimal attention to ourselves.”

“Does this actually work?” Castiel asked, confused.

“Got me through middle school and freshman year easy enough,” Sam boasted.“Do you have plans for Friday?”

“Well, I...”

“Cancel them.”

Castiel blinked.“Excuse me?”

“Whatever you’re planning, cancel it,” Sam repeated.“The first football game of the season is Friday.You’re coming with.I’m cheering and my brother’s playing.He’s a tight end, in pretty much every sense of the word.”

Castiel shifted.Sam seemed to be watching him closely, waiting for a reaction.“I, um, don’t really know anything about football,” he admitted.“We didn’t really have sports teams at my old school.”

“Don’t tell me you’re from a Bible belt church school?”

Castiel went silent.

Sam gave him a look of pity.“Oh, dude!That sucks!Well, don’t worry, I’m here to help you.”He was watching Castiel again.“You got someone special, Cas?”

“Someone...?Oh!No, there’s no one.”

“Maybe we’ll change that, too.”

For one terrifying moment, Castiel froze, sure that Sam was hitting on him.But the other boy had already moved on.“Don’t worry about admission.My parents still haven’t figured out yet that cheerleaders get into the games for free.I’ll be in my outfit Friday, rousing the school spirit and all that.Mom will be at work so she’ll just leave me money in my lunch.Dad won’t be up until after I catch the bus.So I’ll have some extra money to buy you a ticket to the game.”

“Oh!You don’t have to do that.”

“Why not?I get in for free!She’ll leave me money for the dance, too.Do you think you can cover that, or do you need me to help?”

“Um, I have my own money,” Castiel managed.His mind was in a whirl.“Wait, dance?What dance?I’m not going to any dance!”

“Cas, it’s the after-game dance!You’ve got to go, especially if Dean’s team wins!I’ll introduce you to the big ape.”

“Dean is, um, your boyfriend?”Just saying it made Castiel feel dirty.

Sam made gagging noises.“I wouldn’t date that gorilla even if my life depended on it!Not only is he butt-ass fugly, but I don’t do incest.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, understanding.“Dean is your brother!The two of you don’t get along?”

“Nah, I love that overgrown idiot.I just think that eventually, an anthropologist will come out here to study him and learn about early human behavior.”

“Oh.”Castiel didn’t know what else to say.

Sam waved a hand.“Doesn’t matter.You’re coming to the game to watch me cheer and Dean be an alpha male.Then you’re coming to the dance.You don’t even have to dance if you’re not comfortable.I’ll dance my ass off for both of us.I’ll even teach you some moves if you want.”

“I, um, that is, I don’t know if...”

“Ok, here’s the plan.”Sam was turned in his seat to face Castiel, his expression serious.“On Friday, bring along whatever you want to wear to the dance, and wear what you’ll be wearing to the game.It’s pretty early in the season so it shouldn’t be too cold.I recommend a hoodie under a jacket just in case.It can get a little windy in the stands.Meet me after school.We’ll have Dean drive us to get something to eat.Don’t worry about money.He’ll cover it ‘cause it’s the first game of his senior year.”

“But I...”

“After we eat, we can all hang out for a little while,” Sam continued as though Castiel hadn’t interrupted.“Talk, tell each other about our boring lives, get to know each other.Then you can come with us to the game, stay for the dance, and we’ll take you home afterwards.Where do you live?”

Castiel found himself reciting his address.

“Dude, you’re only two blocks down from us!” Sam exclaimed happily.“Great, we can drop you off easily.We can even come visit you on the weekends or something!Our parents own an outdoor sporting goods store.My mom does some accounting on the side, she and dad work the store, and my brother and I work there sometimes.I’ve also got a job doing some light housework at the motel and Dean does odd jobs.So between work, school, and sporting events, our schedules can get a bit crowded.But we should still have some time.Let’s hang out!What time do your parents work?”

“Why are you doing this?!” Castiel exclaimed.“You seem popular.Why are you hanging out with me, trying to take me to a game and dances?”

“Why not?” Sam asked, looking somewhat confused.“I like you!Don’t you want to be friends?”

“I...I don’t...”Castiel swallowed his pride.“Yes!Yes, more than anything, I’d like a friend.I don’t know anyone here.My last school, things got kind of bad.”

Sam frowned.“You got bullied?”

“Mmm, it’s complicated,” Castiel replied carefully.“It doesn’t matter.I never had friends before.I’d really like to be friends with you.”

“Great!”Sam quickly turned in his seat.“Uh oh, here’s Spitzler.Act like you’re paying attention!”

Castiel tried, but failed miserably.His mind was filled with thoughts of his new friend.He had no idea what had just happened, why a popular cheerleader like Sam would possibly want to be friends with someone like him.But it didn’t matter.He had a friend now, possibly two if Sam’s brother Dean would be his friend as well.Friends were something that had always been in short supply.All he had to do was keep calm and not do anything that might give himself away.

Things would be different here.He just had to be careful.

Mrs. Spitzler was in the front of the room now.“Welcome back to your first day!” she began.“We have a new student here with us today, Castiel Novak.Why don’t...?”

“You’re not going to do that thing where you traumatize the poor guy by making him stand up and introduce himself, are you?” Sam called.“Hey, everyone, this is Cas!He’s here from a Bible school, so play nice or God will smite your ass!”

“Winchester!” Spitzler snapped amid the laughter.Castiel’s cheeks burned.

“Sorry.Seriously, he’s pretty cool, a little shy, but I like the guy.Everyone say, ‘Welcome, Cas!’”

A chorus of “Welcome, Cas!” rose, and Castiel smiled.Even Mrs. Spitzler seemed satisfied, turning away from him to start the lesson.He gave Sam a grateful look, received a smile and a nod in return.Yes, things would be different here.Maybe this move wouldn’t turn out to be the disaster it was supposed to be after all.


	2. Delinquents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sam reluctantly makes progress on his brother's plans for Castiel, Dean meets a couple of Castiel's siblings. Castiel learns something alarming about his new friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got bored at work yesterday. Have another chapter.

Dean pounced on Sammy the instant his brother appeared in the hall.He clamped a hand over Sammy’s startled mouth, wrapped his other arm around him, quickly dragged his squirming brother into the janitor’s closet and kicked the door shut.Then he pushed Sammy into a corner, still keeping a hand over his mouth.“You have just been kidnapped,” Dean told him in a low voice.“If you value your life and your precious organs, you will immediately tell me everything about that blue-eyed babe in your homeroom.Otherwise, I start cutting out parts to sell on the black market.”

“Damn it, Dean!” Sammy exclaimed once Dean’s hand was off of his mouth.“Let me out!I’ve got chemistry next and it’s clear on the other side of the building!”

Dean held him firmly into the corner.“Talk fast, or you’re late on your first day.”

Sammy struggled to no avail.“Ugh!Alright, his name’s Castiel Novak, he came here from a Bible school, he lives a few blocks down from us, and he’s coming to the game and the dance with us on Friday.Now let me out!”

Dean sniffed.“I’m so proud of you.You’ve done well, young padawan.”

“I’m about to pad-a-nut with my knee if you don’t let me out so I can get to my class!”

“You’re free to go once you answer the most important question.”

Sammy sighed.“I don’t know, Dean.I gave him the tight end line, he didn’t really respond.But he got funny when I talked about you.He actually thought you and I were dating.”

“Gross!”

“Agreed.Thing is, he didn’t seem upset about it, so at least he’s not a homophobe.But I don’t think he’s gay, Dean.I also don’t think he left his old school under ideal conditions.He wouldn’t say if he was bullied, but he also doesn’t have any friends.Something’s up.”

“Find out what it is.”

Sammy was struggling again.“Come on, Dean!I hate this wingman spy shit!Just wait until Friday and talk to him, but meanwhile, let me go!”

Dean let him go.He barely registered Sammy darting out the door and breaking into a jog to avoid being late.His mind was on Castiel.He’d be coming with them to the game, and afterwards to the dance.It would be the perfect time to get to know him, right after Cas got to see him strut his stuff on the field.

Perfect.

Dean headed out, making a face when the bell rang.He slunk into his class, quickly making his way to the back where his friends from the football team had saved him a seat.“Hello, animals.”

Grunts in various pitches responded.

“Mr. Winchester, I see we’re starting out your senior year right,” the teacher called irritably.“At least try to be here on time.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean called, sinking into his seat.

Dean’s eyes were immediately attracted to two unfamiliar faces.Both were sitting in the back, a few seats away from Dean, next to each other.The first was a pretty girl.She had wavy brunette hair, blue eyes, an oval face and pale skin.She looked somewhat put out, but not nearly as much as the boy.He was a good-looking blonde, blue eyes, strong features.He looked like he’d be perfectly at home in the exercise yard of a prison.From where he was sitting, Dean was sure he could smell fresh cigarette smoke.Someone had been smoking on school property.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a couple of new students with us.”Mr. Green indicated two kids with a smile.He did not receive answering smiles in return, but that didn’t seem to bother him.“Why don’t the two of you introduce yourselves?”

“Seriously?” groaned the blonde boy.“We’ve been introducing ourselves all day!”

“We really have,” the brunette agreed.“I’m Hannah Novak.This is my delinquent brother Lucifer.We just moved in a couple of weeks ago from Topeka, and not by choice.We do not want to be here.The only reason we’re here is because my other delinquent brother got into so much delinquency that he got booted out of our old school.So our father, in his ultimate wisdom, decided to pull the rest of us who did not get booted out for delinquency and send us here for a so-called ‘fresh start.’So now, instead of being able to finish my senior year in my old school with all my friends, I have to spend it here.With the delinquents.”She smiled sweetly.“Any questions?”

Mr. Green cleared his throat.“Just your names and where you were from would have been sufficient.”

“Ah, but this way was so much more fun,” Lucifer sighed.“Thank God this is the last class of the day.Can we move on now?”

Mr. Green wisely chose to move on.

Everything went well until Mr. Green got called out of the room.Almost immediately, kids were out of their seats, chatting away and visiting with friends.Lucifer and Hannah were largely ignored.Apparently, Lucifer took issue with that.When Derek, one of the smaller boys, walked by him, Lucifer stuck out his foot and tripped him.He chuckled when Derek fell and cried out in pain.

Dean was up fast, helping his friend to his feet.Then he turned to Lucifer.“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t have one,” Lucifer told him.

“Why’d you trip Derek?”

“Oh, did he trip?”Lucifer looked up in mock surprise.“What a pity.Gravity’s a real bitch, isn’t it?Say, does this school give classes in walking?He should sign up.”

“Look, I get you’re new and you’re not happy about moving out here,” Dean tried.“But you’re not starting out here well.Whatever your problem is, join a team and take it out on the field.Don’t take it out on smaller kids.”

“Wow,” Lucifer marveled.“Words of advice from the school jock!Did you come up with that all by yourself?Or was it advice from the coach in the locker room?”

“What was your major in your old school?” Dean asked, irritated.“Douche bag?”

Laughter rose.

Lucifer didn’t move, simply looking up to study Dean.“No, actually my major was beating the shit out of stupid jock assholes who thought they were smart.”

“Told you he was a delinquent,” Hannah called.“He got suspended for fighting practically every other month.Why do you think he got held back a grade?”

“Any time you think you can take me, I’m ready,” Dean offered.

Lucifer rolled his eyes.“Relax, Superman.What, was that your boyfriend that just tripped?”

“No,” Dean told him.“I’d date him, but he only likes girls.Doesn’t matter.Derek’s my friend, and I take offense that you tripped him for no reason.”

That got Lucifer’s attention.He looked at Dean now with something like horror.“You’re...gay?!”

“Yeah, Winchester’s our flaming tight end,” Benny, the quarterback, explained.“In every sense of the word.”Hoots and cheers rose from the other football players.

Now Lucifer actually looked sick.“Get away from me, you sick freak!”

The room went silent.Every eye was on Dean and Lucifer.

“Oh, you and I are just going to be best friends, aren’t we?”Dean shook his head in disgust.“Listen, dickwad, I don’t really care what you think of me.But the next time you decide to bully someone?Come and see me.Let’s see how tough you are with someone your own size.”

Lucifer got to his feet.He stood eye to eye with Dean.“I have my standards,” he announced.“I don’t fight women, children, or faggots.”

Dean looked back without flinching.“Then I strongly suggest you change your ways.Otherwise this faggot is going to mop the floor with you.”

That earned him a laugh.“What are you going to do?Cry at me?Write bad poetry?”

“Put your hands on someone smaller than you again,” Dean offered.“Maybe you’ll find out?”

Mr. Green chose that moment to return to the room.He paused at the door, taking in the unnaturally silent class and the two figures facing off at the rear of it.He cleared his throat.“Winchester and Novak?Kindly take your seats and stow whatever differences you’ve managed to discover in the five minutes I was gone.It’s the first day of school on your senior year, boys.Let’s not start it with a suspension for fighting.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Lucifer announced.He returned to his seat.

Dean patted Derek on the shoulder and leaned down.“He touches you again, say the word,” he whispered.

“Thanks, Dean,” Derek whispered back.

“Mr. Winchester, are you having difficulty finding your seat?”

“No, Mr. Green, heading there now!”Dean quickly got in his seat.The rest of the class was uneventful.But Lucifer shot him a look as the other boy headed out the door at the end of the day.Dean scratched at his face with his middle finger, saw Lucifer’s eyes narrow, and watched in satisfaction as he hurried out the door.

“That guy?” Benny said.“Grade A douchebag.Better watch out for him.”

“Don’t you mean he better watch out for me?”

“Just be careful, Dean,” Derek called.“His sister said he was a delinquent.Plus he’s older because he got held back a year.And what if he brings in this other brother of his, the one that got kicked out of school?”

“I don’t care,” Dean announced.“He tripped you for no damned reason and I’m not going to put up with it.I won’t start shit with him unless he starts with me.But the instant he does, I will kick his homophobic ass!”

***

Castiel’s thoughts were a blur as he joined his siblings to wait for their driver.As usual, Lucifer and Balthazar ignored him, talking quietly to each other.Hannah nodded at him.“How was your day?”

“Better than I expected,” Castiel reported.“I made a friend.He invited me to come to the football game this Friday.”

Hannah brightened.“That’s great, Cas!See?I told you this school would be better.And football, that’s a positive step!”

“I’ll say,” Balthazar added.“First manly thing you may have ever done, Cas!Did you finally grow some hair down there?”Castiel glared at his brother.Balthazar laughed.

“Just watch out at that game,” Lucifer cautioned.“Apparently, this school is way homo friendly.”

Balthazar’s eyes bulged.Castiel sucked in his breath.But Hannah only rolled her eyes.“It’s just the one guy.Doesn’t mean the whole school is crawling with them!”

“One guy?” Castiel asked.

Lucifer snapped his fingers.“Yeah, you better know this.Cas, you be real careful, especially if you go to that game!There’s a fag there, some asshole named Winchester.”He shook his head.“You should have seen him, Balth!Trying to be all tough with me, pretending he could kick my ass?Tonight he’ll probably write about me in his diary.”

“Lucifer!” Hannah scolded as Balthazar laughed.

“Oh come on, Hannah, you gotta admit, that’s funny,” Balthazar defended.“Can you imagine, some fairy trying to fight Luci?He’d be like...”He swatted at Lucifer and squealed in a high-pitched voice.“Oh, you bad bad man!You made me break my nail!”

Castiel wasn’t really listening.His heart was pounding.“Winchester?You said his name is Winchester, and he’ll be at the game?”

“Yeah, so watch your ass, literally,” Lucifer growled.

“Wait, he’s the one who invited you?!”Balthazar suddenly grew serious.“Maybe you shouldn’t go, Cas?I mean, if he started to hit on you or something, that would be bad, right?”

“I’m fine!” Castiel snapped.“Now I know, right?So if he tries anything, I’ll be on my guard.That doesn’t mean I still can’t go to the game, maybe meet other people.I want a fresh start at this school.I won’t hide away just because the first person I made friends with is gay!”

“That is a good attitude,” Hannah encouraged, smiling at him.“Do you need to talk to the doctor?”

“No, I’m fine.”Castiel found a fascinating spot on the sidewalk.He stared at it until the car arrived.Then he rode home in silence.

Sam Winchester was gay.Of course he was gay.He was a perky male cheerleader who enjoyed dancing.Castiel felt stupid for not suspecting the truth immediately.But he’d wanted a friend so badly!He should have known it was too good to be true.So much for having a friend.But at least he knew.He’d watch Sam, make sure the other boy didn’t try anything funny.If he did, well, Castiel was fairly certain he could handle the likes of Sam Winchester.Still, he had to admire Sam’s courage.The kid couldn’t have been any taller than Hannah.At six feet tall, Lucifer would have dwarfed him.And he’d actually stood up to him, even threatened to fight Lucifer?Sam was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.Either way, it still didn’t really mean anything.So Sam was gay.That didn’t mean Castiel couldn’t get to know Sam’s brother.Who knew?Maybe he could salvage something from this disaster after all.


	3. Pep Rally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has to do some fast talking when his father learns he's spending time with someone who is openly gay. Dean realizes the flaws in his plan to have Castiel attend the game and dance.

Castiel bowed his head reverently while his father said the blessing, saying “Amen” when he was finished.He waited patiently while his father sampled each dish.Then Zachariah Novak nodded to the maid, Juanita.She began serving with Lucifer, moving around the table from eldest to youngest.Naturally, that meant Castiel would be served last.He waited, was served his meal, and began to eat in silence.No one spoke before Zachariah did.That was the rule.

“Lucifer?” Zachariah began.“Anything to report?”

Lucifer recited his class schedule.He claimed nothing to add.On her turn, Hannah recited her own class schedule.Then she narrowed her eyes at Lucifer.“We need to add Lucifer to family prayers again,” she announced.

Lucifer’s eyes were full of venom as he glowered at his sister.

Zachariah sighed deeply.“Lucifer, you said you had nothing to report.”

“And I don’t!”

“He almost got into a fight today,” Hannah said.

Lucifer glanced at his father, saw Zachariah’s expression darkening, and swallowed.“There’s this guy.His name’s Winchester.He got on my sh-He got mad at me over some other kid,” he quickly corrected.“Turns out, Winchester’s a homo.”

Zachariah’s eyebrows shot up.“He’s homosexual?Did you report him to your teacher?”

“Apparently everyone knows it!” Lucifer exclaimed.“That school, they’re a bunch of sinners and faggot lovers, dad!I hate it there!”

Castiel saw Balthazar raise his hand and winced, knowing what was coming.As soon as his father nodded to him, Balthazar announced, “Castiel is friends with Winchester now.”

Disapproving eyes turned to Castiel.“Castiel?Is this true?”

Castiel forced himself to meet his father’s eyes.“I didn’t know,” he explained.“He talked to me.He seemed nice.I didn’t know he was...”

“Now you do.I expect that you won’t be seeing any more of him.”

“He’ll see him,” Lucifer called, looking smug.“Our little Cassie is going to the football game on Friday.Winchester’s going to be there!”

Zachariah pounded a fist on the table, making everyone jump.“Surely everyone in that school isn’t gay?!”

“No, father,” Hannah said quietly.She was the only one who dared to reply.“I’m sure they’re not all gay.The way his friends talked, Winchester is the only one.”

Castiel felt sorry for Sam.He must be so lonely, the only homosexual in his school.At least he was popular.

Zachariah was rubbing his chin, thinking.“Football is a healthy sport for a young man to take an interest in,” he announced.“It’s high time Castiel started looking into things like sports anyway.This Winchester.If you went to this game, would he be with you?”

“No, father,” Castiel said.“I’ll be alone in the stands.”He swallowed hard and plunged ahead.“There’s a dance afterwards.”

Now everyone was staring at him.“A dance?” Zachariah asked.“Winchester asked you to a dance?!”

“N-not exactly.He just said that there’s a dance after the home games and all the kids go.He, um, he didn’t say he wanted to, you know, dance with me.When I told him I can’t dance he offered to teach me...”

“Out of the question!”

“Of course, father, but he also said if I wasn’t comfortable, he’d just dance for us both,” Castiel said quickly.“I don’t think it was, you know, a date.He never, I mean, I didn’t even know he was gay!”

“It’s kind of hard to tell,” Hannah admitted.“I was surprised.Winchester’s a good-looking guy.I don’t know why he couldn’t get a girlfriend.”

“He’s popular with the girls,” Castiel agreed.“A lot of them stopped to talk to him.I never would have thought he wasn’t straight!”

Balthazar rolled his eyes.“That’s high school girls for you.They all want a gay BFF.It’s like the new fad.Castiel should go with this guy and use him to meet girls!”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Hannah said, brightening.“I can teach him to dance, and when the girls come to talk to Winchester, Cassie can ask them to dance with him!”

Castiel shrunk down a bit in his seat.“I could skip the dance, and just have the car come after the game?”

“How are you planning to get to this game?” Zachariah wanted to know.“And what will you do about supper?”

Castiel shrunk more, and his brothers started laughing.“Oh, that’s not a date at all!” Balthazar laughed.“Winchester’s taking him to dinner, a game, and a dance, nope, no date there!”

“It’s not like that!” Castiel yelled.“He’s got a brother, and they’re both taking me, ok?If he tries anything funny, I’ll ask his brother to take me home or I’ll call for the car.But this is just friendly.I’m alright.I won’t be led into temptation.”

His choice of words was a good one.His father was looking speculatively at Castiel, who forced himself to look back.Zachariah seemed to study him for a moment.Then he nodded.“I want you to call your doctor tomorrow, Castiel,” he ordered.“Make sure you’re ready for this.But we knew coming here was going to be a challenge, especially for you.A strong, masculine game like football is an excellent choice for one of your new interests you’re supposed to find.”

“Yes, sir,” Castiel agreed.“I thought of that, too.”

“Good!Stay strong, remember what you learned, and enjoy the game.And who knows?”A smile spread over Zachariah’s face.“Maybe this will be the year you meet the girl you’ll marry!At the very least, you should start dating.”

“God willing, father,” Castiel replied, forcing himself to smile.Then he returned to his meal, hoping no one could sense his excitement.He could go!He was going to go to his first football game, and even his first dance.But more than that, he was going to spend time with a friend.So what if Sam was gay?Castiel would make him understand he wasn’t interested in anything but friendship.Even gay people had friends, right?

***

It’s not that big of a deal.It’s a football game.It’s not like it was a date.People went to football games all the time.There was no reason for concern.Of course, Castiel admitted to himself, it wasn’t the game he was actually worried about.No, the big concern was THE DANCE.What if Sam wanted to slow dance with him?Worse, what if Sam tried to kiss him goodnight at the end of it?Did Sam think this was a date?Surely not, not with his brother being so involved.Just to be sure, he set aside his usual ironed white shirt, dress pants and tie.He picked out his least flattering outfit, consisting of old jeans, a plain blue tee-shirt, and his battered old shoes.He combed his hair, thought it over, and mussed it back up again.There.Nothing about his appearance would stand out now.His hair never did lend itself to being combed down anyway.

The football players and cheerleaders were easy to pick out on Friday.All the players wore their red and black jerseys, while the cheerleaders wore their uniforms.Sam’s pants matched the skirts and knee high socks that the female cheerleaders wore.Castiel worried about him, afraid that he’d be bullied for being a cheerleader.But from what he could see, that wasn’t the case.The other boy was as popular as ever.Good.Bad enough his brothers thought so poorly of Sam because of his sexual orientation.If the other boys bullied Sam for being a cheerleader as well, that would just be an awful situation.

That wasn’t to say Sam didn’t attract attention.The football players were apparently brimming with testosterone before their first game.Castiel found himself frequently dodging them in the hall, as they kept yelling and slamming their chests into each other in some sort of bizarre male bonding ritual that only confused Castiel.Sam was apparently included in the rituals.Over and over, when a player would spot the cheerleader in the hall, Sam would be scooped off his feet and hoisted into the air.The smaller boy would then be held up in the air above the heads of the other students to the shout of “MASCOT!” followed by cheering and pounding of chests.The first time Castiel saw this, he froze, afraid Sam would be hurt.But although Sam was kicking and yelling at the larger boys to put him down, he was also laughing.None of the teachers seemed alarmed, and the other students would only cheer.Apparently, this was accepted behavior, at least at this school.The private Christian school Castiel and his siblings had been in before had sports teams, but they’d never had anything like this.He’d heard about school spirit.This school seemed to have an excessive amount of it.

Castiel had finally gotten to meet Sam’s brother.The sight of Dean Winchester had made him nearly trip and fall.He was, to be honest, the most gorgeous boy Castiel had ever seen.He also seemed very nice.Dean was big and handsome and strong and confident and apparently not at all concerned with the fact that his brother was a gay cheerleader.Castiel supposed that was to be expected.This was a secular school in a secular world.The sin of homosexuality was everywhere he looked.Lucifer had already said this school was very accepting of this sort of alternative lifestyle.Why wouldn’t Dean accept his brother’s deviancy?That must be nice.To have someone who accepted you, no matter how bad your decisions were or how…

No.That was dangerous thinking.Breathe.Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Matthew 6 verse 13.Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God, Matthew 5 verse 8.But Dean Winchester made remaining pure difficult.The first time he’d seen Dean, Castiel had to hastily make an excuse to leave, get into the boy’s room, and hide into a stall to recite his prayers against temptation.It wasn’t fair.Bad enough Sam was handsome, but to throw Dean into the mix?!At least Dean wasn’t gay.But he was always around, waiting for Sam between classes.And without fail, he’d talk to Castiel.He would flash that perfect smile at Castiel.The edges of his green eyes would crinkle.And he’d laugh, throwing back his head in mirth any time Sam cracked one of his frequent jokes.Beautiful.

Castiel had talked for two hours with his doctor about Dean.His doctor had reminded him that Dean wasn’t gay, meaning Castiel’s sin was his own.But Castiel had the strength and the skills to handle this.He was passing through a time of temptation, but it would be brief.Castiel could come out the other side and be stronger for it.As he prayed for the strength to stay pure, he should also give thanks that he’d been given this test.

Life was a series of tests.Castiel would not, could not, fail the test of the Winchester brothers.But it was becoming harder and harder.Sam was always around, actively seeking him out.It was impossible not to like Sam Winchester.And, wonder of wonders, being around the popular cheerleader meant that Castiel himself was becoming more and more popular.Now he frequently heard his name called in the hall.

Girls were also starting to notice him.And this was the one area where Sam offered absolutely no help.The other boy simply stood back and watched with a smirk as Castiel fumbled through the intricacies of speaking coherently with the opposite sex.The girls confused him greatly.They never seemed to approach him singularly, instead choosing to come at him in groups.They’d smile, giggle, and give him looks through their lashes.Castiel had no idea what to make of it.And oddly enough, this seemed to encourage them.By Friday, they were touching him, taking his arm or touching his shoulder, giggling almost constantly as they talked about the dance.Somehow, word had gotten out that Castiel had never been to a dance before and had no idea how to dance.Now he had half a dozen different offers from various groups of girls.

When the student body filed into the gymnasium for something called a “pep rally,” Castiel found himself abandoned by Sam and surrounded by girls.He had a girl on each arm, leading him into the bleachers where more girls clustered around him despite there being plenty of room.All of them seemed to be trying to talk to him at once.Trying to be polite, he’d mostly listened.At least they were eager to explain what was happening.Apparently, this was some sort of marketing scheme for tonight’s football game that the cheerleaders were putting on.That explained Sam’s absence.It didn’t make much sense to Castiel, but he was resolved to put up with it.After all, he was already committed to buying tickets for this game.And now he had multiple offers from his new friends to sit with him in the stands and explain the game to him.That was helpful.

Oh, here was the cheer squad now.They’d run out, doing various feats of acrobatics and waving pompoms as the band played loudly and somewhat out of tune.Cheers and feet stomping on the wooden bleachers echoed in the gymnasium.Out front, someone in a bulldog costume was running, hands outstretched above the dog’s head in a V.Ah.The school mascot.This must be Sam.That brought a smile to Cas’s face.Sam certainly seemed to be enjoying himself, running and jumping and pumping his fist, shaking his rear to make the Bulldog’s stubby tail wag.The dog’s head seemed to fit poorly.It was bouncing slightly as Sam ran.

“Ladies and gentlemen!”It was a man, standing on the gymnasium floor with a microphone in hand.“The Lawrence High Bulldogs!”

Down on the floor, two cheerleaders had been holding a large sheet of paper with “Lawrence Bulldogs” printed around a picture of a bulldog’s head.Now a figure was charging through the paper, holding up one finger and yelling loudly as cheers exploded.Castiel barely noticed him.His eyes were on the figure that charged out behind him.Dean Winchester’s face was flushed with excitement.His green eyes were shining, visible even from up in the stands.Dean jogged with the other players in a lap of the gym.Then he snatched up the prancing bulldog, put him up on one shoulder, and cheered.Castiel stared, fixed on the flex of Dean’s bicep as he’d lifted the smaller boy.He suddenly couldn’t breathe.

The girl on his left nudged him.“They’re called tits, Castiel,” she told him.“And they’re not that special.Breathe, and stop staring.”

Castiel blinked.Then he realized that, standing directly in front of Dean, a leggy brunette cheerleader was doing high kicks and bouncing on her toes, making certain parts of her anatomy jiggle and shake.His face blushed crimson.That had been too close!He’d obviously been staring.If that girl hadn’t been standing in front of Dean?

The girl on his right snorted.“She probably stuffs anyway.So Lisa Braeden grew a rack over the summer.Big deal.”

“You know, green doesn’t look good on you, Stella.”

“Oh, bite me, Heather!Lisa shows up with tits in that stupid uniform and it’s all the guys can talk about today.If I have to listen to this all year?”

“It’s more than her tits anyway.She seriously filled out.I’d kill for legs like that!”

“You should feel them wrapped around your shoulders.”

Castiel looked sharply at the girl who had spoken.The redhead grinned back.“What?You know she’s bi!”

“Yeah, but since when are you into girls?”

“Since she offered at the Fourth of July party this summer!” the redhead announced.“You should try it.”

“Ew!”

“No way!”

“What was it like?”

Castiel was having trouble breathing again.Fortunately, the redhead noticed his discomfort and laughed.“Oh, look what we’re doing to the poor boy!I’m Charlie.”

“C-Castiel,” Castiel managed.“Um, I’m sorry, but could you please not talk about, um, things like that?”

“Sure.”Charlie had a warm smile.

Castiel looked away.Once more, his eyes were drawn to Dean.Dean had moved back with the other players.He found a seat at the back of the gymnasium, facing the bleachers.The cheerleaders were starting a dance.Loud dance music pounded Castiel’s ears as it echoed through the gym.But Dean didn’t seem to be paying much attention.His eyes seemed to be looking past them.Were they looking up at the bleachers?They almost seemed to be looking at Castiel as he sat, frozen, staring back at him.But giggling erupted around him.One of the girls, Stella, was clinging to Castiel’s arm, burying her face in his shoulder, laughing at whatever the joke was among them.Of course.He was surrounded by girls.That’s why Dean was looking towards him.

Movement on the floor caught his eye.The cheerleaders were surrounding the bulldog, taking turns dancing with him.The dances were, in Castiel’s opinion, slightly over the top.Right now, the bulldog had a cheerleader’s leg, holding it high on his hip while their hips swayed in tandem with the music.The students seemed to appreciate it.Cheers and screams and wolf whistles rang out.

“Oh, the cheer squad is going to get protests again this year, I see!”

“Wow, they’re seriously pushing it, aren’t they?”

“That should win them something at the competitions.You know those horny judges eat up the sexy stuff.”

“They’ve got a guy, so why not take full advantage of it?”

“Wow, Sammy is flexible!”

“Did Janelle seriously just grab his ass?She did!”

Castiel chuckled.Too bad for Janelle.Sammy wouldn’t be interested.Ah well.It was art, right?

Ignoring the dancing, Castiel looked again at Dean.Dean looked somewhat troubled as he looked up at the stands.Whatever he was looking at, he wasn’t happy about it.Castiel belatedly realized that Stella was still clinging to his arm.She appeared quite pleased with herself and showed no sign of letting go.Castiel wasn’t sure what to do.Dean seemed to be looking right at her.Was he interested in her?Should he pull his arm free?

“Nice work, baby bro.”

Castiel startled, looking up to see his brother Balthazar moving past him.The older boy looked back and gave him a wink.Castiel quickly looked away.Nope.No way he could pull away from the girl now.But what if that upset Dean?A glance at Dean showed that he was now talking to his friend.His eyes still glanced up in Castiel’s direction.Castiel sighed.Oh well.He’d just have to talk to Dean later, find out if he was interested in Stella, and explain that Castiel was not a rival.Hopefully that would clear up any confusion.Hopefully.

***

Dean sat in his chair and forced himself to breathe.Ok.Stella was clinging to Cas, but Stella had been talking about him all day.She’d obviously decided to make a move on the new guy.Whatever.It didn’t mean Cas was going for her.In fact, he wasn’t really responding to her at all.She had her arms wrapped around his arm, pressing herself against him and resting her head on his shoulder like she belonged there.But Cas hadn’t done anything more than just look at her.It didn’t mean anything.Dean still had a shot.

“Oh, daddy,” Benny moaned next to him.“I’d almost forgotten how nice the tits look in those uniforms on the cheer squad!”

“I’ll tell Sammy you noticed,” Dean grumbled.He was in no mood for Benny’s antics today.

The quarterback blinked at him.“Who pissed in your Wheaties today, Winchester?You…Oh.”Benny followed Dean’s gaze and smiled.“Yeah, I saw how fine the new kid’s looking in those jeans.The way they hug his ass?You’re an idiot if you don’t want to hit that.”

“Shut up, Benny.”

“And his shirt really brings out his eyes,” Benny continued, grinning.“Throw in the sex hair and the bedroom voice?The girls are all going gaga over him!Looks like Stella Green is already staking a claim.”

“She can stake all she wants,” Dean growled.“He look all that interested to you?”

Benny considered.“Can’t say he does.You really think you have a chance?”

“I think I intend to try!”

Benny laughed and gave him a good-natured slap on the leg.“Starting off the senior year right.Chasing man meat!”

Dean finally looked at him.“You seriously going to sit there and tell me he doesn’t do anything for you?”

“I’m going to sit here and tell you that he’s probably the best-looking guy I’ve seen in this school since the first time you blew me in the equipment room,” Benny said cheerfully.“And I’m going to tell you that if things keep going the way they’re going between me and Andrea, I may just come crawling back to you.”

“I love how you’re only gay when your relationship’s on the rocks,” Dean sighed.“And only in secret.”

“And only with you, Winchester.You’re the only one I go short-term gay for.”

Dean shook his head.“I don’t know what’s worse.That Andrea’s ok with it, or that I am!”

Benny leaned closer to whisper into Dean’s ear.“If I take you back in there, you going to let me fuck you again?”

“Next time you take me into that equipment room, I’m fucking you.”

“Deal.”Benny dared to slide his hand up Dean’s thigh.“You busy tonight after the game?”

“Yeah.With him!”Dean’s eyes returned to Cas as he shoved Benny’s hand away.“Sammy’s my wingman tonight.Got him to come to the game and the dance.”

“Then I guess you better not fuck up.That gorgeous thing needs to see you at your best if you want any chance at all!And let me know if I can do anything to help.”

“Just get me the ball tonight.”

“Can do!”

That was what Dean loved about Benny.Benny had been his best friend since they were both freshmen.They’d been intimate about half a dozen times, always when one or the other of them was having relationship troubles.But neither he nor Benny had ever expected anything more.They were friends with benefits, and strictly friends when either of them was with someone else.With Benny, it was all about comfort.

***

Castiel felt cold when he saw the other boy’s hand move on Dean’s thigh.Dean immediately pushed it away.That brought him mixed feelings.On one hand, he was glad Dean wasn’t about to let the other boy touch him like that.But on the other, if Dean had allowed it…?No.Couldn’t go there.Bad enough that Sam was gay.Somehow, someway, Castiel needed to get through tonight without encouraging Sam or driving off Dean.He could do this.He could.

“Are you going to the dance tonight, Castiel?”

“Huh?”Castiel looked over at Stella, who was looking hopefully up at him.“Um, yes.”

“Great!”Her arms tightened around his arm, one hand moving down to lace her fingers between his.“Then I’ll see you there.”

“Um, yes.Of course, you’ll see me.Because I’ll be there.”She was holding his hand.Why was she holding his hand?

“I’m going, too!” Charlie offered.“Save me a dance!”

That earned her a sour look from Stella.

Castiel stopped listening.His eyes searched the stands, looking for his sister.He finally found her, sitting up behind the crowd of girls around Castiel.She caught his eye and nodded.Apparently, she believed he was ready.Castiel wasn’t so sure.Bad enough to go with the Winchesters.Now he would actually be expected to dance?

Castiel had no idea how he was going to survive this year.


	4. Pregame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam unwittingly makes a bad enemy. John and Mary Winchester make an impression. Dean finally gets to spend some time with Cas. Castiel is confused by football culture

Somehow Sam unerringly found Castiel among a crowd of students filing out of the auditorium.“Come on,” he called cheerfully.“Dean’s bringing the car around.”Then he caught Castiel by the wrist, not the hand, so it was ok, and started pulling him through the other students in a seemingly random direction.

Suddenly Balthazar was there, directly in front of Sam.When Sam stopped and looked up at him in confusion, Balthazar hoisted him into the air.Sam yelped in surprise.“Hey!Put me down!”

“I just wanted to see what the big deal was,” Balthazar explained.He was frowning up at Sam, still holding the smaller boy in the air.“Those football guys have been doing this all day.Every time they do it, everyone cheers.”He looked pointedly around.“No one's cheering now.”

“That’s because it only works when the cool people do it, Novak,” grunted a strange voice.Suddenly Sam was jerked out Balthazar’s hands and put back on his feet.Then a football player was very much in Balthazar’s personal space.“Word of advice.Your asshole brother already already pissed Dean Winchester off at the beginning of the week.Don’t round things out by you pissing him, or me, off at the end of the week.Keep your hands off of Sammy.”

Castiel forgot to breathe.Balthazar’s eyes were wide in surprise.Then they narrowed in anger.“You think I’m afraid of you?”

“You probably should be,” Sam sighed.“Benny’s bigger than you, and unfortunately, he’s got more temper than brains.Benny, thanks, but I don’t need your help, ok?He wasn’t hurting me.Leave him alone.”

Benny’s eyes flicked once towards Sam before returning to Balthazar.“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.Thanks, Benny.”Sam grabbed Castiel by the wrist again.“See you at the diner!”

Benny patted him on the back and walked away.

Sam started off again, not bothering to look back at Balthazar, but Castiel did.Balthazar was flushed, staring angrily after Sam.Castiel cringed.Sammy had just made a bad enemy, and didn’t seem aware of it.“Um, Sam?” he called.

“Dean’s right there,” Sam said, pointing.“See?There’s his baby!Whatever you do, don’t say anything bad about it.Dean loves that damned car!”

Castiel looked and forgot about his brother.Sammy was pointing at a gleaming black car.Castiel wasn’t really a car man, but Dean’s baby was impressive even to him.Every inch of it glistened the way only a car that was loved by its owner could.Even the tires were spotless.But it was the driver who had drawn Castiel’s attention.Dean’s cheeks were flushed with excitement.His eyes were sparkling.And he was smiling.At that moment, Castiel was sure that there was nothing else in the world more beautiful than Dean Winchester.

Dean was hanging out the driver’s side window, waving as he waited at the curb.“Guys!The seniors are driving the rest of the team through the town to rally support right before the game.I’ve got my baby shining inside and out!Listen to this engine, Cas!”The Impala revved.“Huh?What do you think?”

“Um…”Castiel was at a loss for more reasons than he was willing to admit.“It’s, um, very loud?”

“That’s power you’re hearing, Cas!”Dean revved the engine twice more.“Get in here!Sammy, I swear to god, if you get in the front seat I’m throwing your ass in the trunk.Get in the back!Cas, up front!”

Both of the younger boys froze, staring at Dean in the act of reaching for car doors.Sammy sputtered.“You’re regulating me to the back?!No way, Dean!”

“Castiel is a guest, Sammy.”Dean was giving Sam an odd look.“I’m not going to ask a guest to sit in the back between a couple of overly excited football players he doesn’t even know!”

“But Dean, if you put me back there, they won’t leave me alone!I swear, if they try to put me on the roof in the dog suit again?”

“And scratch my baby?!Not a chance!”

Sam sighed dramatically.“You see this, Cas?Not worried about his only brother being held on the roof of a moving car by a couple of asshole football players.Just doesn’t want scratches on his car!”

“And now that Cas has seen his car, he understands why.”Dean flashed another smile and waved.“Come on, Cas, get in!Sammy, go in the back and don’t bitch too much and I’ll let you drink tonight at the pond.”

Castiel gaped at him, but Sammy brightened.He quickly moved past Castiel and climbed into the back seat.Castiel warily climbed into the front.

Then Dean was back in the car, smiling that smile at him, and Castiel forgot pretty much everything else.

To his surprise, Dean stopped at a house.“I gotta go in for a moment,” he confessed.“Just need to tend to a minor emergency.”

“He has to take a shit,” Sam announced.“He comes home and shits before every game.It’s like a ritual.”

Dean swatted him.He looked apologetically at Castiel.“Sorry.I don’t know about you, but I never could shit in public places.Just let me go in and do my business and we’re good the rest of the night.Promise I’ll be quick!”

“Dumbass,” Sam called.

Dean gave him the finger.

“Come inside, Cas,” Sam urged, returning the rude gesture at Dean’s back.“You can meet our mom.Dad’s out on a hunt, but he should be back in time to go to the game tonight.”

Castiel followed the other boy.In the kitchen was a lovely blonde woman.Her eyes brightened when they fell on Castiel.“Oh, you must be Cas!I’ve heard a lot about you.I’m Mary.”

“It’s a pleasure, ma’am,” Castiel said politely as he shook hands.

“The pleasure is all mine!I imagine you’ll be spending a lot of time with my idiot sons, so don’t be a stranger.You’re welcome to come over any time.Study, join us for dinner, spend the night, whatever!”

Spend the night?Castiel forced himself to thank her, hoping his face wasn’t flaming.

The sound of a sputtering engine caught her attention.“Oh, good timing!Looks like John just got back.You can meet him.Sam, go help your father with his gear.”

Sam quickly ran out.A moment later, the door banged open.In walked a man who appeared to be fresh from the scene of a murder.His hands and clothing were covered with blood and grime.Blood decorated his face like grisly face paint.He carried a rifle in one hand and a backpack in the other.Both were shoved into a corner as the man turned to face Castiel and Mary.“I hate yuppies!” he announced.

Mary seemed inhumanly calm when faced with a deranged murderer.“Tell me you didn’t drag the elk?”

“No, I didn’t drag the elk, and those cheap bastards refused to tip me because of it!It’s right there, in the contract.I specifically point it out.I do not provide transport for game from the scene of the hunt to the vehicles.The client is responsible for transporting any game to the vehicles.Contractor does not drag nor carry game.And those dumb mother…!”He broke off, finally noticing Castiel, who was staring at him with wide, frightened eyes.“Oh, hi!You must be Cas!I’m John.I’d shake your hand, but…”He held up his bloody hands.“I field dressed an elk.Sorry.If you’ll excuse me, I’m getting a shower.”Off he went, leaving a trail of muddy footprints on the floor towards the bathroom.

“Dean’s taking his usual pre-game shit, dad,” Sam announced.He’d just come in, his arms full of outdoors equipment.

“Typical.”John pounded on the bathroom door.“Dean!I’m covered in elk guts and yuppie bullshit!Pinch it off!”

“Yeah, already done, dad!I’m just washing my hands.Might want to spray the Lysol, though.”

“Holy hell, boy!What crawled up your ass and died?!”

“Come on, dad!Cas is right outside in the car!”

“Actually, he’s with your mother in the kitchen.”

“He’s what?!SAMMY!I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Sam fled.

Dean came storming out of the bathroom, red-faced and jaw clenched.He saw Castiel and wilted.“Cas, I am so sorry.”

“Oh calm down, Dean,” Mary soothed.“Everyone shits.”She was headed past, aerosol can in her hand to where John cursed from the bathroom.“See you boys at the game!Cas, lovely to meet you, please come back soon!”

Castiel was in a state of shock.Nothing in his life had prepared him for the Winchesters.But now Dean had an arm around him and was shooing him out of the house, still apologizing.

That lasted until he spotted Sam, standing by the car.Then he let go of Castiel and immediately started wrestling with the smaller boy.“Stop!” Castiel cried, trying to drag Dean off.“Don’t hurt him, please!He didn’t do anything wrong!”

Both brothers froze and were staring at him.“Cas, I know that,” Dean said slowly.“I have no intention of hurting him.”

“Cas, he wouldn’t ever hurt me,” Sam agreed, squirming free and moving to Castiel.“We’re just playing around, ok?Now breathe, dude!”

Castiel focused on his breathing.

Dean watched anxiously.“Dude, you ok?You need me to take you home!”

“No!” Cas said quickly.“No, I’m fine.I’m sorry.It won’t happen again.I just thought, the way you threw him down?”

“Dean’s a jerk who is way too fond of reminding me that he’s bigger than I am,” Sam soothed.“But he’d never hurt me.”

“I understand.And it’s ok.When people get angry, sometimes…”

“Cas, I wasn’t angry!” Dean protested.“You thought I was angry enough to hurt Sammy?It wouldn’t matter how angry I got.I would never hurt my brother, ok?And just so it’s out there, I cannot imagine a scenerio where I’d hurt you, either.I’m not the kind of guy who blows my top and hurts other people.”

“True story,” Sam agreed.“Dean’s not afraid to fight, but he’s not someone who would hurt someone smaller than he is just because I embarrassed him.”

Dean was watching Cas closely.The other boy’s breathing was still fast, his eyes still wide and scared.For a moment there, he’d been sure Cas was about to have a full fledged panic attack.He thought again about Hannah and what she’d said about her delinquent brothers.Yeah, he could see Balthazar getting kicked out of school.Dean had already been hearing that Cas’s brother was doing little to make himself popular.But what was going on in the Novak home that returning there was the only thing that seemed to spook Cas more than the idea Dean was about to beat up his brother?

But now Cas was smiling.“I get it,” he said with obviously-forced cheerfulness.“I overreacted.Let’s just go, try to forget about it.In return, I won’t mention Dean’s bowel habits?”

That brought a cackle of laughter from Sammy.Dean’s cheeks flamed.He firmly reminded himself that he’d already freaked Cas out once.It was the only thing keeping Dean from tossing the bitch in the trunk.“Ok, deal,” Dean said.“Now how about we go eat?The team usually heads out to the diner.They have the most awesome cheeseburgers!”

Cas was quiet on the ride to the diner.But by the time they piled into a booth, he seemed back to normal.His eyes were everywhere, curious and alert.Dean made sure to sit next to him in the booth.So what if he’d slid a little closer to the other boy than he needed to?Cas wasn’t complaining.

“So Cas!” Dean began after they’d ordered.“You know anything about football?”

“The ball is a funny shape.”

Sammy nodded.His expression was perfectly blank.“You’re off to a great start.”

Dean shook his head.“You’ll catch on.Basically, the idea is to move the ball to the other end of the field.I’m part of the offense, which means we’re the ones who are trying to get the ball down the field when our team has it.When the other team has the ball, then the defense goes out and tries to keep them from doing it.”

“That sounds fairly simple.”

“It is,” Sammy said before Dean could respond.“There’s a bunch of rules, but basically that’s the game in a nutshell.”

“When we have the ball, we have four chances to try to move it ten yards towards the other side of the field.That’s a down.You either run with the ball or you throw it and catch it to get those ten yards, and keep going until you get to the end zone.That’s how you score.It’s a touchdown, worth six points.Or, if you don’t think you can get to the end zone, you can try to kick the ball through the goal posts at the end.That’s a field goal, worth three points.If you get a touchdown, you have a chance to kick like that for an extra point.Or you can try to run it into the end zone again for two extra points.”

“This game is more complicated than I thought,” Cas complained.He looked adorably confused again.

“You’ll get it,” Sammy encouraged.“It’s a lot of fun.”Catching the look Dean was giving him, Sammy continued.“When we get to the stadium, I’ll show you where to sit so you have the best view.You can watch Dean play.Or you could watch something far more interesting and let me know what you think of our cheer routines.We’re still working on them, but I think they’re pretty good.”

“They better be pretty good, after all the money it cost to send you to cheer camp!” Dean complained.

“They’re good,” Sammy insisted.“We’re going to kick ass at competition this year.I unfortunately cannot say the same about the money spent on Dean for football camp.”

“Cas can decide for himself tonight if it was money well spent.Ah!”Dean brightened as their order arrived.“Food at last!Thank you, I’m saved!”

The cheeseburger was, as always, delicious.Cas finished and quietly excused himself to use the bathroom.As soon as he was gone, Dean leaned towards Sammy.“Is he not adorable?”

“I like him,” Sammy announced.“He’s a little weird, but I think it’s just because he’s isolated.I don’t think he’s had friends before, Dean.”

“He does now.”Dean’s eyes were locked on the bathroom door.“First, I get to be friends with him.Then I move on to bigger and better things.”

“Or, you could just be friends with him?” Sammy suggested.“Don’t hurt him, Dean.I really like him.”

Dean blinked.“What, do you have a crush on him now?”

“Don’t be stupid.I just like him.He’s really sweet.And he’s honest.He doesn’t try to put on airs or act like someone he’s not.He’s got to be scared to death, out with us, no idea what to expect.But he’s seeing it through, even after he freaked a bit.”

“Yeah, about that.”Dean lowered his voice.“What the hell was that all about?”

Sammy looked troubled.“He honestly seemed to think that you were about to hurt me.And it really freaked him out.Then, him not wanting to go home?”

“Yeah.”Dean moodily mopped up a drop of ketchup with a finger and sucked on it thoughtfully.“Something stinks in the Novak household.His brother Lucifer’s a grade A douche bag.That other one doesn’t seem much better.And if he’s as big of a homophobe as Lucifer, then no wonder Cas is so reserved.”

“You really think he’s gay?”

“I think he’s a closet case, but yeah.”He nodded past Sam.“He’s had the same view all this time as I did.But I don’t think he looked once.”

Sammy looked back and looked appreciatively at the sight of the girl in the tight-fitting tank top.“Ok, I’ll admit that you could have a point.However, he’s from a Bible belt school.He might have just been raised to respect women and not stare at them.”

“When they’re that much on display, they’re kind of asking to be stared at, Sammy.”

“Don’t be a misogynist, Dean.”His eyes were still admiring the view.

Dean snorted.“Really?”

“Ok, you may have a point.”Sammy turned around with obvious effort.“Speaking of hot chicks, Cas’s sister is smoking!”

“Get him to introduce you.”

“I intend to.”Sammy brightened.“Hey, welcome back!”

Dean smiled up at Cas as the other boy slid back into the booth.He checked his watch.“It’s a little early, but we should still probably get going.The team wants to parade a bit.Sammy and I have to be there before the general public.It means you’ll be waiting around for a while in the bleachers, but can’t really help that.”

“It’s alright,” Cas said.“I don’t mind.”

“Great!” Dean called, getting up.“Then let’s go.Time to rouse the animals.”He raised his voice.“Bulldogs!What do you say we get this party started?”

Yells and cheers.Benny and Diego, the receiver, trailed after the Winchesters.They seemed delighted to realize Sam would be in the back with them.Crowding in on either side of the slender cheerleader, the two players immediately leaned towards each other.Sam squeaked and slid forward to avoid being crushed.The larger boys quickly grabbed him, threw him face-down across their laps, and started thumping rhythmically on his back.“MAAAAASCOOOOOOOT!”

“I ha-ate you s-so m-much, D-Dean!” Sam managed, his voice shaken by the thumping on his back.

Dean didn’t respond.He was leaning on his horn, yelling out the window at the other players to line them up behind his car.Cas watched, wide-eyed.When the impromptu parade started, Dean was still halfway out the window, yelling and waving at anyone passing by.Horns blared as cars fell in line, adding to the din.Oddly enough, the traffic was largely giving way, beeping their horns and waving in support.With the exception of Sam, everyone was smiling.Even Sam seemed to be enjoying himself.Benny had pulled the smaller boy into his lap and was holding him dangerously far out the window.But Sam didn’t seem concerned.He was waving and yelling out the window at the other cars.Looking back, Cas could see how firmly Benny’s arms were wrapped around the smaller boy’s body.Diego was holding on to Sam’s legs.No, Cas realized, Sam was in no actual danger.

Leaning back in his seat, Cas relaxed.He watched the antics of the others in the car for a moment.Then he rolled the window down and started waving out of it.Cheers rang out in the car.Cas smiled.This might just actually be fun!


	5. First Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has one goal in mind - impress Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa, "Hey Baby" by No Doubt, and "Hero" by Enrique Inglesias.
> 
> My beta, MistyEyes73, went and made a play list of songs from and pertaining to this fic. So flattered! She says she's going to keep adding to it as she gets more chapters to beta, so if you're interested in hearing any of the songs mentioned here, check it out.  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrrNv5DVHDZWyPTF3qAZcIahSbRy4CqRx

Dean charged out onto the field, fist in the air, screaming at the top of his lungs.Coach Singer’s words from the locker room about sportsmanship and playing a good game went out the window as he caught sight of the other team.The Vikings were a bunch of cocky motherfuckers.Over half of the team had their backs turned.Dean couldn’t wait to get their nice white uniforms all dirty.

As usual, Benny lost the coin toss.Dean bounced on his toes from the sidelines, wanting but not quite daring to turn around and see if Cas was watching him.Behind him, he could hear the cheerleaders going through one of their cheers.Sammy’s masculine voice was easy to pick out.He was close.“Sammy!” Dean hissed once the cheer was done.

The Bulldog’s head suddenly appeared.“You summoned?”

“He back there?”

“Who?”

“You know damned well who!”

“Dad?Of course he is, Dean, he’s right up there with mom!Hi, mom and dad!”Sammy waved.

Dean casually got a fist full of the front of the mascot’s costume.“Hey Bulldog, you’re not fixed yet, are you?How about I remedy that with these cleats?”

“Geez, Dean, save it for the field!Of course he’s here.I told him where to sit.He’s right up behind you, three seats back from the front.Now let go.Unlike you, I don’t get to just stand around touching myself for half the game.”

Dean let him go and felt warm all over.From where Cas was sitting, he’d have a perfect view.Time to make the best of it.Dean dropped and started doing pushes, making sure the muscles on his biceps were clearly visible.Some appreciative wolf whistles sounded from the stands, along with some grunts of approval from his teammates.“Yeah, bitches!” he called.“Winchester is ripped!”

“Winchester’s about to have my foot up his ass if he doesn’t pay attention to the game!”

Dean quickly got up.“Sorry, Coach Singer!Just burning off a little nervous energy.”

Coach Singer didn’t appear impressed.He returned to yelling orders out at the field.

Finally, the bulldogs had the ball back at their own thirty yard line.Dean shot out onto the field, nearly plowing the defense over.Benny jogged out with him.“Anxious much?”

“You see what I got in the stands?”

“I told you I’ll get you the ball.As hot as your mom is, we gotta try to impress her.Otherwise, she might not put out for me tonight.”

“Suck my cock, Benny.”

“Right after your mom sucks mine.Ok, bulldogs, let’s go!”

Out on the field, ready for his first play of his senior year.The Vikings safety was eyeing Dean like a hungry dog eyeing a slab of bacon.Dean blew kisses at him and got a glare in return.He wouldn’t be receiving on this play.Coach wanted to run the ball a bit first, get them some more breathing room.No problem.The safety didn’t know that.Dean shot out, looking back expectantly at Benny, and the safety charged after him, intent on spoiling a pass.The move left a beautiful hole for the Bulldogs to race through with the ball.First down.

Another running play, this time Benny trying for a hole up the middle.This should be fun.Benny managed three yards before he got creamed.Then another play moved them forward another five yards.

Dean had lost the affection of his safety.His eyes were on Diego now as they moved back to the line, anticipating a pass.Fine.Dean got his attention back fast, slamming into him to free the receiver for Benny’s pass, earning another first down.The safety was mad as hell, which pleased Dean greatly.Dean could feel the other boy’s eyes glaring a hole through his helmet as he moved back to the huddle.He didn’t care.

Dean finally risked looking at the stands.There was Cas.He wore a dark blue hoodie, and had apparently had the hood up at one point.His hair stuck up in all directions.Total sex hair.But he wasn’t alone.Stella Johnson was sitting way too close to him on his right.Her left arm was wrapped around his.Both of her hands held onto one of his, the hand that was resting on Cas’s thigh.Dean froze.What the hell?

“Bulldogs!”

With a start, Dean realized he’d missed Benny’s play.The team was breaking huddle, moving back into position.Fuck fuck fuck, now what?Dean had no idea what play was coming.He looked over at Benny, but his friend wouldn’t meet his eye.Of course not.Benny never met the eyes of a possible receiver before a play.It was one of the things that made him a danger on the field.Dean tried not to panic.Right now, he envied his teammates.Most of them had clearly defined roles set by their positions.But a tight end’s job was either to block or to act as a receiver, depending on the play.Since he’d managed to miss hearing the play, Dean had no idea what he’d be expected to do!

Too late.There was the snap, and Dean was in motion.He tried to look everywhere at once.It was first down.Benny most likely had called a running play.That meant Dean had to figure out who was going to get the ball and block accordingly.No problem.He could do that.He was wide open, ready to run in any direction.He was prepared.

He was completely unprepared when the ball suddenly smacked him in the numbers.He scrabbled for it, almost had it.Then his friend the safety was on him.Dean went down with a grunt, flat on his ass in the grass.The ball seemed to float in the air, lazily turning end over end.Then someone in a white jersey snagged it and hauled ass for the end zone.Touchdown Vikings.Dean pounded his fist on the ground.“Son of a bitch!”

“Winchester, what the actual fuck?!” Benny yelled as Dean picked himself up out of the dirt.“I thought you were trying to impress the new kid, not show him your comedy routine!”

Dean grimaced and glanced up at the stands.At least Cas wasn’t looking at him.He was looking at Stella, who appeared to be deep in conversation with him.Dean had a moment to hope that Cas hadn’t seen his spectacular blunder.Then Cas looked back at him and frowned in concern.Shit.

Meanwhile, the safety was celebrating with the rest of the Vikings.Dean made the walk of shame back to the sidelines, picking bits of grass from his red jersey and trying not to hear his dad bellowing at him from the stands about what a dumbass he was.

Then a hand had him by the facemask and all he could see was Coach Singer’s furious face.Coach had been spoken to multiple times about his use of profanity with his players.It clearly had no lasting effect.“Winchester, you idjit!What the everlasting fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Coach roared into Dean’s face.

“I missed hearing the play, Coach.”

“You what?!”

“I missed hearing the play!I was distracted and I wasn’t paying attention, Coach.”

“Boy, the best part of you ran down your daddy’s leg!You seriously telling me you just let those bastards score because you were too busy gawking at the cheerleaders to listen to the play?!”

Close enough.“Sorry, Coach!”

“You better be sorry!Watch Lisa Braeden’s titties bounce on your own time.Right now, get your head out of your ass and in this game or I swear to all the saints above, I will bench you for the rest of your senior year!”

Spittle flew in Dean’s face as Coach Singer screamed at him.Then his facemask was released with a shove.Dean came perilously close to falling on his ass yet again.

He watched in silence with the rest of the team as the extra point was scored.By the time the first quarter was over, the score remained 7-0.

The fucking safety smirked at Dean when he jogged back out on the field.Dean winked at him.This time, he’d been paying attention.Dean was ready when the ball came sailing at him.But unfortunately, so was the safety.Once again, Dean was on his ass.At least this time, the ball bounced out of bounds, rolling to a stop at the Bulldog’s feet.Sammy hung his head and screwed at the Bulldog’s eyes with his clenched fists, pantomiming crying.Asshole. 

Dean shoved at the safety.“Get off me, dickhead!You don’t get to feel me up unless you buy me dinner, first.”

The safety got to his feet.“I heard you’re not quite so tight an end, Winchester.That so?”

Dean got up and faced him.“Why, you looking for a date?”

“If I say no, are you gonna cry?”

“If I knock your teeth down your throat, are you gonna blow me?”

“Hey, easy!”Coach, moving between the two of them.“You two hotheads need to save that energy for the game, before you’re both ejected from it.Winchester?”

“Sorry, coach.”Exchanging another glare with the safety, Dean trotted back into the huddle.The safety was grinning at him.Dean moved closer to Benny.“Fucking safety is a homophobic dickhead.Give me a reason, buddy.”

“You got it.”

The pass to the receiver was as smooth as silk.The safety had been two feet away and ready to pounce when Dean plowed into him.The grunt of surprise from the other boy as they both hit the grass was music to Dean’s ears.“Hey, stud, we must stop meeting like this!”

“Get the fuck off of me!”

“Gladly.”Dean blew a kiss at the red-faced safety and got up.First down.

The Bulldogs managed to get in field goal range, finally getting themselves on the board with three points just before half time.Dean waved to the crowd as he jogged out with his team.Cas was watching him.He was sure the other boy’s eyes were following him as he ran off the field.

Coach Singer was a man of mixed emotions.One moment he was praising the team for at least getting on the board.The next he was bellowing at them in a manner that would rival any drill sergeant.Dean caught a withering glare from the coach more than once.Great.Coach would have him running laps all week for his spectacular fuck-up.He just hoped his mistake wouldn’t cost them the game.

Finally, Dean was back on the field.“Winchester, you paying attention this time?” Benny wanted to know.

“I see nothing but your fugly face, Lafitte!What’s the play?”

Another running pass, this time on the other end of the line of scrimmage.Yup, Coach was pissed.Dean had little to do except play mind games with the Vikings safety.They didn’t get far and wound up having to punt.Then the Vikings somehow managed to get through the Bulldogs defense and get in field goal range.Dean watched the ball sail through the posts with a sinking heart.Fuck.He moved closer to Coach Singer.“Come on, Coach!We’re going to lose this game if you don’t let me have the ball!”

“Your mind is not on this game, Winchester,” Coach growled.

“It is, I swear!Just let me in, give me another chance!”

“I’ll think about it.”

Coach was still thinking about it when the third quarter ended.Bulldogs on defense.Dean paced around on the sidelines, frustrated.He glanced at the stands.Cas was still there.Stella was still clinging to him, although she was looking across him with obvious annoyance at Charlie.Charlie clearly had engaged him in conversation.Both of their eyes were on the cheerleaders.Sammy was out of the Bulldog costume now, lifting one of the girls for a stunt.It went off without a hitch.Then the band started playing “Push It” and Sammy went racing over.He got up into the stands in front of the band and started dancing.Some of the moves he was doing made Dean’s eyebrows go up.He shook his head.Some dried up old prude would protest that for sure.

“Baby brother’s got the moves,” Coach said quietly, moving up next to Dean.“Think you can move that ball?”

“You know I can,” Dean assured.“Get me that ball, and I’ll get it in.”

Coach gave a grunt.Dean had no idea if that was a yes or a no.

Back on the field.Two running plays, followed by another pass.Dean had a chance to show off a little, blocking to get the ball down field a bit more.But now they were sitting at fourth and five on the Viking twenty.“We’re not kicking, so they’re going to be looking for us run this,” Benny said.“So Coach wants to pass it.”His eyes met Dean’s.“You fuck this up, I’m going to tear that goalpost out of the ground and shove it up your ass, Winchester!”

“I fuck this up, I’ll climb that goalpost and slide right down,” Dean vowed.“Just get me the ball!”

Adrenaline pumped through Dean’s veins, causing his foot to jiggle nervously as he moved into position.Snap.Dean ran out, keeping an eye on the Vikings safety.He was dividing his attention between Dean and Diego.Shit.Didn’t matter.That son of a bitch was going down.

Benny’s pass sailed clean.Dean moved to grab it, seeing the safety running towards him.Oh, bitch, bring it on, Dean thought.He caught the ball and charged forward.

Almost immediately the safety was on him.Dean tried to dodge.No good.Arms wrapped around him, the other boy using his momentum to try to bring Dean down.Fuck him.Dean kept going, twisting as he ran.He felt the safety’s arms slide down, moving past his hips as the other boy fell.He was going to try to trip Dean up.Not happening.Dean shifted his hips, throwing his weight sideways to break the grip.It worked.He slipped free from the safety and started hauling ass.

Dean dodged one Viking, jumped over a fallen Bulldog trying to block, and got grabbed by another Viking.He ignored it, using his size and strength to drag the other player.The end zone was so close Dean could taste it when a second Viking grabbed him.Where the hell were his fucking blockers?Didn’t matter.Dean kept going, dragging the two Vikings along with him until he was close enough to fall over the goal line.Touchdown Bulldogs.

The crowd went berserk.Now they were almost literally screaming for blood.With only a few minutes left in the game, they had a decision to make.The extra kick would tie the game.A two point conversion would potentially win it.Coach Singer chose the win.Dean was snarling as he blocked, shoving his way into an opening to clear the path.Success.

There was still time on the clock, but it was obvious to everyone on the field that the spirit was out of the Vikings.They made a few token plays, gave the defense a chance to show off a little.Then the horn sounded, and the first game of Dean’s senior year was over.

Complete chaos on the field.Dean joined in, but his eyes were once again searching the stands.There was Cas.Stella was still clinging to his arm and appeared to be trying to pull him away, but Cas wasn’t going.He was smiling.His cheeks were flushed from excitement.And those gorgeous eyes were fixed on…

…Sammy?

Sammy was going apeshit on the sidelines.He’d pulled off his top and was whipping it wildly over his head, screaming and cheering.He was looking straight at Dean, pointing with his other hand in his direction.Obviously, Sammy was excited for Dean.Dean managed to smile at him before he got pounced on by Benny.He couldn’t see anything but the quarterback’s shoulder pads as he got yanked into a hug.Dean returned it, wishing his heart was in the Bulldog’s celebration.

Didn’t matter.The dance was coming.

Dean showered and changed in record time and was in the gymnasium for the dance even before Sammy.Cas was in here somewhere.Where was he?

“Geez, Dean, where’s the fire?” Sammy grumbled, finally making an appearance.

“Where’s Cas?I don’t see him.”

“Relax, he’s in here somewhere.Hello, they’re playing my song, excuse me!”

Sammy generally had a different song every dance, usually more than one.Tonight it was apparently “Hey Baby.”Dean trailed behind Sammy a bit, still keeping his eyes open for Cas.Sam, naturally, ignored everyone, dancing energetically.The floor opened a bit for him, and suddenly, there was Cas.He was surrounded by girls.No wonder Dean hadn’t seen him.Stella was still on his arm.Cas didn’t look any more comfortable about that now than he had in the stands.Ah, here came Charlie, taking Cas’s other arm and pulling him away from an irritated Stella.Good.Dean started dancing, casually making his way over until he could talk to the other boy.“Hey, Cas!” he called.“How’d you like the game?”

“I liked it!” Cas shouted over the music.“But I don’t know about this.Isn’t the music a little loud?It’s making my breastbone vibrate!”

“That’s a good thing!Just dance, Cas.”

Seeing Cas’s uncomfortable expression, Dean quickly moved forward, only to find himself blocked by Heather Morgan.“Come on, Cas, let me show you!”

Heather’s hands were on Cas’s hips, forcing his body to move to the music.She was laughing, encouraging him as he took his first tentative dance steps.Dean couldn’t recall ever wanting so much to slap a girl he barely knew.He cleared his throat loudly.“Hands off the merchandise!You’re teaching him to dance like a girl, Heather.Here, Cas, let me show you how it’s done.”

Finally, Dean got his hands on Cas.He guided the other boy through some basic steps.Cas was obviously flustered.He tried, though.“There, you’re getting it!” Dean encouraged.

The music changed, going into the first slow song of the night.Perfect.Dean already had a hand on Cas’s shoulder.He was reaching to pull him in when Stella fucking Johnson appeared out of nowhere, sliding neatly between Dean and Cas.Her arms were around Cas’s neck.She was leading him away.Dean was left alone in the cold.

Ok, now he really wanted to slap a girl.

Dean’s next chance happened when Cas paused to watch Sammy grinding with Janelle.The two cheerleaders were earning stern frowns from the chaperones and lusty cheers from the crowd.Cas mostly just looked shocked.Dean took advantage of the opportunity to move up and put an arm around Cas.“I guess you don’t see this at your old Bible school, huh?”

Cas shook his head.Dean stayed with him, willing a slow song to come on next.It did, but suddenly there was Charlie.“Cas!You promised me a dance, remember?”

Dean had no choice but to let him go.

The next slow dance Dean was too far away to get to Cas before another girl claimed him.Then it was Stella Johnson, beating him to the prize one last time.This time the song was “Hero.”The lyrics seemed fitting to Dean.He watched, frustrated as hell, while the man of his dreams slow danced with someone else.

“Mighty Casey has struck out,” Benny announced.

“Fuck you,” Dean growled.“Ok, I missed this dance.Night’s not over.See you down Matt’s Mile?”

“Wouldn’t miss it!”


	6. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has one more chance to salvage the night and make an impression on Cas

Castiel’s head was still spinning when Sam had him by the arm again.The entire dance had been a blur.Song after song, dancing in groups, interspaced with girls throwing their arms around his neck for slow dances.He’d been surprised at how much fun he’d had.Once he no longer felt like everyone was staring at him, the dance had been enjoyable.The music had just finished playing when Sam grabbed his arm and started moving him through the crowd.It took him a moment to realize that they were going with a small group of other students through the parking lot, away from the car.Sam had grabbed both of their jackets and was shoving Castiel’s at him.Castiel frowned as he pulled it on.“Where are we going?”

“Walking Matt’s Mile,” Sam informed him.“About a mile up the road is a path leading to the pond.And every Friday, after the home games, a bunch of us gather there for a little party.Some guys from the football team host it.It’s sort of invitation only, in that it’s not something the whole school knows about.But they don’t generally turn anyone away.It’s usually the same crowd every week.”

“Oh.”Castiel wasn’t sure what to think of this.“Why’s it called Matt’s Mile?”

“Some guy saved his best friend, carried him down it to get help,” Sam explained.“It’s an old local legend.Someone measured it once and it’s actually closer to a mile and a quarter, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“I guess not.”Castiel was looking around.The Kansas farmlands that surrounded the town stretched out to the horizon, giving the illusion that the town was the only bit of civilization left.Above them, the sky was full of stars and brightly lit by the moon.He could safely walk the road even without the aid of a flashlight.The air felt a bit cool, but Castiel soon removed his jacket.Seeing what Sam was doing, he carefully tied the arms of the garment around his waist.It worked surprisingly well.

“So how’d you like the game?” Sam was asking.

“It was a bit complicated,” Castiel admitted.“The girls who were sitting with me were trying to explain it.By the end, I could follow along a bit, but not really.Your brother did something big after the band played, right?”

“He caught a pass and ran it in for a touchdown,” Sam said proudly.“His position, he’s kind of a hybrid for the offense.He helps protect the receivers, but he can also act like a receiver himself.And he’s big enough that once he gets going, he’s hard to stop.”

“I saw that!He had that guy hanging on him and he still made it to the end of the field.”

“Make sure you tell him that you saw that.He’s sure to ask about it.”

“Dean will be there?”

“Yup!”

Of course Dean would be there.Sam had already said that it was the football players hosting the party at the pond.If Sam had been invited, then there was no doubt Dean would be part of it.Castiel suddenly had a thought.“Am I allowed to be here?You said it was invitation only.I never received an invitation.”

“You just did!”Sam threw an arm around his shoulders.“You’re with us, so you’re invited.”

Castiel had to force himself to keep walking.The other boy was pressed against his side, his arm around Castiel’s shoulders as he smiled up at him.Could Sam feel how this made his heart pound?The sudden close physical presence of Sam Winchester was driving out every other sensation.It was just Sam.The lean body pressing against his.The way his hips moved as he walked.The smell of sweat and faint aftershave and the styling product he used in his hair.The arm across Castiel’s shoulders almost seemed to burn as he somehow managed to keep walking.Castiel’s hand twitched, wanting to reach over and slip his arm around the smaller boy’s waist.It would be so easy.He could pull Sam even tighter against him, and...

Sam let his arm drop and the moment was over.Castiel immediately stumbled and nearly fell.“Whoa!” Sam called, catching his arm.“Careful.The road’s usually pretty clear, but every so often some asshole throws some shit out on the side of the road.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel said quickly.“Sorry.”

“No problem.Just don’t want you to fall or twist an ankle.That’d be a hell of a way to end tonight!”And then Sam was walking next to him again, not touching him at all, comfortably chatting away about nothing as usual.He seemed oblivious to Castiel’s discomfort.Good.Castiel could feel his cheeks flaming in the darkness.He hoped that the light of the moon wasn’t enough to show it.

Sam and the others turned onto a path Castiel would have never found on his own.With the confidence of the blind, they walked through the dim light, following the twisted path through some scrubby brush towards a small cooking fire.Castiel could hear music.Someone had a radio.A group of kids was milling around the fire.And there was Dean.

Dean brightened when he noticed them.Castiel’s lips were curling in an answering smile when Dean suddenly charged forward.He hoisted his brother in the air like a TV wrestling star about to do a body slam and roared “MASCOT!”The resulting cheer helped Castiel feel like he was hidden in his embarrassment.Of course Dean was happy to see his brother.He was an idiot to think that smile might be for him.

Sam was yelling to be put down.Instead, four boys each took hold of one of his arms or legs and started swinging him back and forth between them, their eyes on the pond and evil grins on their faces.“One!” they chanted.“Two!”

Alarmed, Castiel started forward and ran right into Dean.Dean was smiling again, looking at him.“Hey, glad you could make it!”

“Dean, your brother!They’re...”Castiel trailed off.The four boys didn’t hurl Sam into the water as they’d been threatening to do.Instead, on three, they’d tossed him high into the air, only to catch him again.The cheerleader was swearing and squirming, even as he laughed along with his tormentors.

Dean looked back and snorted.“You thought the animals were going to throw him into the pond?Not at night, and not when it’s this cold.You can bet your ass he’s going in tomorrow, though!I’ll pick you up about noon, noon-thirty.Wear your swim trunks with a tee-shirt and bring a towel.We got sunscreen.”

“I...What?”Castiel blinked, confused.“You want me to come back out here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, why not?It’s supposed to be hot as hell, so come help me throw Sammy in and we’ll go swimming.Here.”

Castiel looked down and discovered a can of beer had been placed in his hand.He stared at it in horror.“I’m underage!”

Dean grimaced.Cas was from the church school.While he’d heard plenty about wild parties even there, obviously Cas was sheltered.“Sorry,” he apologized.“But don’t worry, ok?It’s a high school party.We’re all underage!”When Cas still looked upset, Dean gently took the beer from his hand.“You want some pop instead?”

“Yes, please.”The relief on Cas’s face made Dean feel like a complete ass.He covered it up by jogging to the cooler for a can of Coke.

Cas accepted the new offering and stared at it.“Um, you did good at the game tonight.Even when that guy was clinging to you, you still made it to the end.”

“You saw my touchdown?”Dean grinned.“That asshole safety on the other team thought he was hot shit when he took me down that first time.Guess I showed him!”

“I’m glad you didn’t get hurt.”

Dean scoffed.“Bigger, better guys than him have put me down.”

“You seemed very upset.”Now Cas was looking at Dean.“At one point, I thought you were going to get into a fight.”

“Nah.”Dean took a drink of his beer to avoid having to explain himself.Cas was just starting to relax a bit.The fact that he’d come close to getting himself ejected from the game for fighting with a homophobic asshole was not something he needed to know.

For a long time, the two just sat there, enjoying each other’s company and chatting about school.Cas seemed happy.He was calm, constantly smiling as he talked.Dean found himself wishing the night would go on forever.

“I was wondering something,” Cas was saying.“What do the cheerleaders do?It mostly seemed like they just did a lot of yelling and jumping around.When you dropped the ball, it rolled right up to Sam’s foot and he didn’t even try to pick it up.”

Now Dean laughed.“Cheerleaders aren’t part of the team, Cas.They’re not supposed to touch the ball.It’s right in their name.They lead cheers, get the crowd going.”

“Oh.”Cas was wearing that adorably confused expression again.Dean took another drink, this time to keep from trying to kiss him.But now Cas was looking towards the fire.A few kids were roasting hot dogs on sticks.Someone had turned up the radio.Sam had one of the other cheerleaders and was dirty dancing with her to whistles and cheers.Dean took advantage of Cas’s distraction to study him.In the light of the fire, his eyes looked violet.Beautiful.

Cas gave him a shy smile.“Your brother is a very good dancer.”

“That he is.At least the little shit’s good for something, right?”He dared to put a hand on Cas’s shoulder.“Come on.Let’s walk a bit.”

He led Cas out onto the wooden dock.The wood creaked in protest beneath their feet.Dean ignored it, moving out to sit cross-legged at the end of the dock.He patted the boards next to him.“Come on.Have a seat.”

Cas lowered himself next to Dean.He sipped at his pop, looking out over the water.The two were quiet for a moment, watching the reflection of the moon and stars in the still water of the pond.“I’m really glad you came today,” Dean offered.

“I am, too.I wasn’t sure about the dance,” Cas admitted.“A lot of girls wanted to dance with me, but Stella kept dragging me away.I didn’t know what to do.”

“I saw that.”Oh, how he’d seen that.Dean had been ready to scream with frustration.One dance, and he’d know for sure if Cas was open to dating a guy.But it hadn’t happened.Didn’t matter.Cool it, Winchester.There would be other dances, but now Cas was here, finally alone.Now was his chance to get to know this beautiful boy.Dean cleared his throat.“You, ah, looking at dating anyone?”

Cas suddenly went still.“I guess?”

“Oh.”Shit.“Anyone I know?”

“Not Stella,” Cas said quickly.“If you’re interested in her, that’s fine.I saw you looking at her at the pep rally.”

Dean eyed him.“She’s not my type.”

“Oh!”Cas seemed surprised.“I thought, the way you were looking up at us, you seemed kind of upset?”

“I was.I didn’t care for the way she was hanging on you, and I could tell you didn’t, either.”

Cas stared at his pop again.“No, I didn’t.She was hanging on my arm, holding my hand.It made me uncomfortable.But she wouldn’t let me go.Then at the dance I kept trying to move away from her, and she just kept following me!I didn’t want to dance with her.I just didn’t know what to do.”

“You tell her to take her god damn hands off of you, that’s what you do!If someone is touching you and you don’t want them to?Then you have every right to tell her to stop!”

Cas didn’t answer.He was turning the can a bit in his hands, staring down at it.

Dean sipped his beer, eyeing the other boy.“She had her hands on you the whole game in the stands.Then she monopolized you at the dance.She barely let you go at all!”

“I know,” Cas mumbled miserably.“I had a lot of girls who’d asked me to dance with them and I would have.But Stella kept grabbing me!I don’t understand.”

“What’s to understand?Stella seems to think she’s got a claim on you, Cas.If you’re not interested, you need to say something.”

Cas finally looked up.“What do I say?”

“That you’re flattered, but you’re not interested in a relationship with her right now,” Dean explained.“Then you ask her to please stop hanging on you.She doesn’t own you, Cas.You’re not dating her just because she’s telling everyone you are.”

Cas looked startled.“She is?”

“Damn right she is!Every time someone else got to dance with you, she was shooting off her mouth about how whoever it was was a slut for dancing with her boyfriend.I heard it from three different guys while we were setting up out here.But obviously, you didn’t know that.Did she even ask if you were interested?”

He seemed to shrink.“No.She just wouldn’t leave me alone.I didn’t know she was telling anyone we were dating.”

“Yeah, that sounds like her.She’s such a bitch!I can’t stand her!”

Cas’s head shot up.“Dean, you shouldn’t talk about a lady like that!”

“Then she needs to start acting more like a lady.You’re new here, Cas.And right now, you’re a real contender for the hottest guy in school.”

Cas’s eyes went wide.“Wh-what?!But I’m nothing special!”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh.“Cas, have you looked in the mirror?Especially today!Those jeans, the way your shirt brings out your eyes, your hair?You’re sex on legs, Cas!Or did you somehow fail to notice how every available girl has been making excuses to talk to you all day?”

Cas looked uncomfortable.“I just thought they were friendly because of Sam.He’s popular.”

“Yeah, he is.Sam’s a good-looking guy.Not as sexy as his older brother, naturally, but passible.”

That made Cas smile a bit.“He is handsome.And he dances really well.And he’s nice, and he talks to me, and shows me around...”

“Whoa!” Dean laughed.“Cas, buddy, you’re starting to sound like you have a crush on him!”

Dean was not prepared for the sudden look of horror that appeared on Cas’s face.“What?I wouldn’t, I mean, I don’t!” he sputtered.“Dean, that’s a sin, a filthy sin, and...”Cas’s mouth dropped into a wide O.“Oh!I’m sorry, I mean, there’s nothing wrong, well there is, but it’s not, I mean...”

“There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, Cas,” Dean said quietly.He was struggling to keep the hurt out of his expression and voice.“Love is love, no matter what gender you happen to be.But I respect your beliefs.”

“I respect you too!”Suddenly, Cas was clinging to his arm.“Dean, I’m so sorry!You and Sam, you’re my first friends since I moved here.I didn’t mean to disrespect you.”

“I get it.It’s how you were raised.”

“Yeah, well, the way I was raised doesn’t necessarily reflect what I believe, even if that’s the stupid shit that falls out of my mouth!”

Dean looked at the other boy.Cas had an odd expression on his face Dean couldn’t quite decipher.“Cas, it’s fine.Hardly the first time I’ve heard that, ok?First time I’ve heard you swear, though.”

“Sorry.”Cas seemed to wilt.“I’m just sorry, Dean.I said a stupid, thoughtless, hurtful thing and right now I’m hating myself for it.”

“Don’t.”Dean dared to reach out and put a hand on Cas’s shoulder.

To Dean’s surprise, Cas grabbed at his hand.His eyes seemed to plead with him.“I don’t want you and Sam to hate me.I don’t care that it’s a sin, ok?You two, you’re good people!Isn’t that what matters?”

“That’s all that matters.”Dean tightened his grip on the other boy’s hand.“As to what you believe?Only you can decide that, Cas.Not your family, not your preacher or whatever anyone taught you.If you’re not comfortable hanging out with us, I get it.But I’d like you to come swimming with us tomorrow.”

Dean’s hand was suddenly in danger of being squeezed off.“Noon, noon-thirty, right?”

“I’ll pick you up.”

The smile this earned him made Dean’s heart skip a beat.Closet case, he decided.Deeply closeted, behind a door sealed with a lifetime of indoctrination.Worse, once again Dean’s clever plan to use his brother as his wingman had backfired.Cas had a crush on Sammy, of all people.Shit.Well, Dean decided, he could work with that.If he could get Cas to admit he was interested in Sammy, that might just be the thing to crack that closet door.Then, once he found out Sammy wasn’t into guys, Dean would be there to pick up the pieces.

Perfect plan.

Suddenly, Cas gasped.“Wait!What time is it?”

“Huh?”Dean blinked in surprise, and then checked his watch.“It’s just after midnight.”

“No,” Cas moaned.“No!I’m out after curfew!I have to get home!”

He scrambled to his feet so fast he lost his balance and nearly fell into the pond.“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Dean asked, steadying him.“It’s ok, we’ll just tell your folks that I kept you out too late.My fault for not asking if you had a curfew.”

“That’s not true, Dean.Going out with you tonight was a privilege.I just abused it!Please, just take me home?”

“Alright, calm down.”Dean was puzzled.Cas looked like he was on the verge of panic.He retrieved his brother, who was still dirty dancing by the fire, and the three of them headed to the car.Thankfully, this time Sammy didn’t bitch about going in the back.The younger Winchester seemed to pick up on the mood.He was frowning, looking from Cas to Dean and back.Dean shrugged.

No one said a word on the ride to Cas’s house.But when they got in sight of it, Dean whistled.“Wow, you live there?In that big fancy estate?Holy crap, dude, do your parents have money or what?”

“We’re well off, yes.”Cas’s face was pale, his voice trembling.“Thank you for tonight.I did enjoy it.I’m sorry it ended so abruptly. “

“Well, now that I know you’ve got a curfew, next time I’ll get you home on time.”Dean was climbing out of the car.“Come on, I’ll go in with you and…”

“No!”The sharpness in Cas’s tone froze Dean in place.“No, Dean, it’s alright.This isn’t your responsibility, it’s mine.Thank you all the same.But I would prefer that you let me speak with my father alone.”

“Sure, Cas.”Dean was mystified as he watched Cas trudge, head down, towards his house.His eyebrows shot up when Cas tried the door, found it was locked, and rang the doorbell.A man appeared at the door a moment later, large and balding, red-faced and furious as he admitted his son.The man looked out, his eyes taking in the sight of the Winchesters and their car.Then the door closed.Even from the street, Dean could hear the yelling.He frowned.

“Come on, Dean,” Sammy called quietly.“I don’t think Cas wants us to hear him getting the riot act.”

“Yeah, I guess not.”Troubled, Dean climbed back into the car and headed out.


	7. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally gets some quality time with Cas, but his siblings' arrival causes issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going up early in hopes that MJ will stop torturing small furry animals for GISH. This has been a public service announcement.

_“Maybe they won’t come?” I suggested._

_“They’ll come.”How could he be so calm?He was just sitting there, calmly sipping coffee while my whole world was about to change.But then again, why wouldn’t he?He had nothing really at stake here.He’d kept in touch all these years, after all.I was the one who’d missed out.As much as I loved him, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anger.He’d played his own part in the events that had finally brought us here.He’d made this meeting possible.But he’d also kept his secrets for too long.He bore his own share of the blame for what I’d missed all these years._

_I’d missed out on so much.My heart was pounding again.I tried to slow my breathing, wondering what this would be like.I hadn’t seen her since the wedding.And I’d certainly done very little to ingratiate myself then.I’d put my nose in, butted in where I probably wasn’t welcomed.She was a saint to humor me then.She was more of a saint that she was willing to meet with me now._

_“That’s their car.”_

_His voice was still maddeningly calm.My world spun.Part of me, the bigger part, wanted nothing more than to bolt for the door.There was still time.I could run, leave him here to try to explain himself, and separate myself once and for all from this whole mess.Why not?He was the reason I was here in the first place!_

_“Stop looking at the door.”_

_I glared at him.“It would serve you right if I ran!”_

_“No it wouldn’t.You’re the one who offered.”_

_“I never thought the answer would be yes!”_

_“So you’re taking back your offer now?”_

_I couldn’t meet that clear gaze.His eyes seemed to look right through me.I slumped.“No.”_

_“Then nut up, ok?This is bigger than you or her now.”_

_“I know!” I hissed.“I’m here, aren’t I?”_

_Then the door was opening.She was coming in.Already, her eyes had found me, and my chance was gone._

_***_

“Come on, Cas!” Dean yelled, leaning on the horn.“The day’s wasting!”

“I’m coming!”Cas came running out of the house.He was wearing a floppy tee-shirt, light blue swimming trunks, and sandals.Zinc oxide covered his nose.A diving mask and snorkel decorated his head.He carried a beach bag in one hand and waved a beach towel in the other.

“I can totally see why you have such a crush on this guy,” Sammy remarked.“Sexy.”

Dean ignored him except to drag him out of the passenger seat.“Just throw your stuff in the back with the rest of the junk,” he called as he shoved his indignant brother into the back seat.

“Oh, now I’m junk?!”

Ignoring his brother, Dean indicated the items on Cas’s head.“You won’t need the snorkeling gear, though.”

“I’ve got swim fins in the bag,” Cas offered.

“Yeah, you won’t really need them, either.”Dean pulled the items off of Cas’s head and tossed them at his brother.“The pond’s only about six feet deep at its deepest point, and way too murky to see.”

“Who’d want to see what’s in there anyway?” Sam grumbled, accepting Cas’s items.“Probably a dead body or something down there.”

Castiel blinked.“What?”

Dean’s response was to push Cas into the Impala.“Come on, man, let’s go!I’m sweating my balls off here.This weather won’t last for long.Let’s enjoy it!”

“I’m glad to see you could still go,” Sam offered.“We were afraid you’d get grounded after we broke your curfew last night.”

“It was my first offense,” Cas explained cheerfully.His smile didn’t reach his eyes.“I got punished, but I’ll only be grounded if I do it again.”

“Well, it won’t happen again,” Dean declared.“Now that I know you have a midnight curfew, I have the alarm set on my watch.”

“Actually, it’s ten on a school night.”

Dean took a moment to reset the alarm on his watch.Then he produced a cell phone and set another alarm.“Done.Now I have an alarm for nine-thirty on my watch, and eleven-thirty on my phone.On the weekends, we’ll ignore the first one.But this way, we don’t have to worry about resetting them.”

“You have a cell phone?”Cas openly admired.“Father says we don’t need them because they’re only a temptation to spend too much time in idle chatter.”

Sammy’s eyebrows shot up.Dean only smiled, pocketing his phone.“Sammy and I have them because of the work we do.We’re outdoors a lot.And our dad’s a hunting guide.They’re mostly in case someone gets lost or hurt, so we can call for help.”

“That’s smart!”

“Yeah, our mom’s not just a pretty face.”

“I enjoyed meeting your mom,” Cas announced.“Your dad scared me a bit, though.”

“Dad’s a big softy,” Sammy said.“He’s mostly all bark and no bite.Mom’s the one you really don’t want to piss off.Wow, can she yell!”

The Impala made short work of the trip.Dean parked his baby in the parking lot of the school.Then the three gathered their belongings and set off on foot down Matt’s Mile.Fortunately, the local kids who frequented the pond came often, especially those who couldn’t afford to go often to the city pool.As a result, the final 1/3 or so of the Mile had been worn down enough that it wasn’t hard to travel, even wearing sandals.

The pond was already somewhat crowded.Most of the same crowd from the night before was there again.Cas deposited his belongings next to Sam and Dean and pulled off his shoes.But he made no move to remove his own shirt when the brothers peeled off theirs.Dean looked up, disappointed.“What’s wrong, Cas?”

“I just don’t want to get a sunburn.”

“We’ve got sunscreen!”Dean held up a bottle.“Happy to help you put it on?”Oh, would he be happy to help Cas put it on.“Come on, get that shirt off, and I’ll…”

“This was a mistake.”To Dean’s surprise, Cas was shoving his feet back into his sandals.His face was flushed.“I’m sorry you wasted your time.I’ll just walk home.Thank you for inviting me.”

Dean was too surprised to react.He sat like a lump, watching as his brother jumped up and caught Cas’s arm.“Hey, it’s ok!” Sammy said quickly.“If you’re not comfortable taking your shirt off, no one’s going to care.Joe’s got his on, see?Granted, it’s mostly to try to keep people from making fun of his tits, but the precedent’s there.If you want to leave your shirt on, you can leave it on.”

Dean could see Cas thinking it over.Sammy smiled and gave Cas’s arm a little shake.“Come on, man!It’s hot as hell and the pond’s right there.Get some sunscreen on and jump in!”

And now Cas smiled.“You’re awfully insistent on sunscreen.”

“Cas, healthy skin is important.Now are you going to help me out or do I have to make that jerk do it?”

“You do the bitch, Cas,” Dean offered quickly.“He can do me, and I’ll do you.”He ignored the way Sammy rolled his eyes and sat down in front of his brother.

Sammy made quick work of applying sunscreen to Dean’s back.Cas took his time.His face was set into an adorable frown of concentration.Looking at him, one would think that making certain to cover every inch of Sammy’s skin was a job of utmost importance.Dean was content to wait and watch.But Sammy was already starting to squirm impatiently.“Ok, good enough!” he called, getting up.“Get greased up, Cas, and let’s get wet!”

“On it!” Dean sang.

“No need,” Cas said.“I put it on before I left the house, along with this.”He indicated his zinc covered nose.

All the wind went out of Dean’s sails.“Oh.Well, at any rate?”He picked up his towel and used the corner of it to scrub the zinc oxide off of Cas’s nose.Then he carefully applied sunscreen.“There.Much better!”

“Thanks,” Cas said quietly.“I was kind of embarrassed about that, but Lucifer said everyone would have it.He’s the one who put it on me.”

“Your brother’s full of shit.Doesn’t matter.Grab Sammy’s legs, he’s about to learn to fly!”

Sam looked up in alarm.He immediately started running, but Benny was there.The quarterback quickly caught the squirming cheerleader and held him up.“MASCOT!”

“In!In!In!”Rhythmic claps or stomps accompanied the chant.

Dean looked at Cas, who looked back at him with wide eyes.Dean pointed to Sammy.Cas shook his head.Ah well.Dean ran up and grabbed his brother’s kicking feet.Benny let Sammy down on the dock and snagged his wrists.Then he helped Dean carry their struggling, protesting captive to the end of the dock.“Ok, Benny!One!Two!THREE!”

There was a bit of a contest to see who could throw someone the farthest into the pond.So far, Dean and Benny held the world record with Sammy.Today looked like a winner.Sam sailed out over the surface of the pond.He tucked his body in mid-air and hit the surface with a splash to cheers and applause.Then a red and white blur shot past as Joe, the linebacker, charged off of the dock.“CANNONBALL!”

Sammy swam for his life.Joe hit the water, knocking a significant portion of it out to splash over Benny and Dean on the dock.The two were quick to join him.And then everyone was jumping in.

Dean surfaced, wiped the water out of his eyes, and looked around for Cas.He finally spotted him still standing up on the dock, looking down at everyone with a small smile.“Cas!” he called.“Come on, man, get wet!”

Cas smiled.Then he took a flying leap into the water.

Dean snagged him underwater.He got his arms around Cas and leaned back, floating with the other boy resting face-up on his chest.Cas winced and shifted, frowning back at Dean.“I got you,” Dean called softly.

“Thank you, but I can swim, Dean.”Cas’s voice sounded a little odd, as though he were somehow pained.

“You sure?This is the deepest part of the pond, right off the dock.”

Cas felt so good in Dean’s arms.He could feel the other boy’s quick heartbeat.Feel his chest expand with each panting breath.But Cas was squirming, pushing at Dean’s arms.“I’m fine.I can swim pretty well.That’s why I had my snorkeling stuff, remember?Let go.”

Dean reluctantly let him go.Sure enough, Cas started swimming, moving away from the main group of rowdy, yelling, splashing teens.He stopped once his feet could touch bottom.Standing up, he finger combed his hair back and looked around.He seemed startled at how close Dean was.“Oh!I didn’t realize you’d followed me.”

“I invited you out here, didn’t I?Why wouldn’t I follow you?”

Cas didn’t seem to have an answer to that.He shifted slightly, eyeing Dean as the other boy moved even closer.“Don’t you want to swim with your friends?”

“Sure do!That’s why I’m here.”He smiled.“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!Nothing.”Cas was chewing on his lip.He looked nervous.“Um, why are you so close to me?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Dean began.“What you said, about homosexuals?”

The color drained out of Cas’s face.“Dean, I said I was sorry, and I’ll say it again,” he began.“Sammy’s a great guy.I’d like to continue to be friends with him, no matter what.I really, really enjoy being around him.”

“Yeah, I kind of noticed that.”

Cas’s eyes suddenly widened.“Oh!I’m not, I mean, I wouldn’t, you know, do anything, well, not proper.It’s not like that at all!It’s just that Sam’s the first friend I’ve had in a long time.I don’t want to lose him.Especially not for something like, you know, that.”

Cas was looking down at the surface of the water.Having none of it, Dean caught his shoulder, turning Cas slightly until he looked up.“Like what?”

“I’m not looking for anything but a friend!” Cas protested.He looked absolutely miserable.“I would never do anything to encourage anything with your brother.I’m not, that is, I wouldn’t!I just want a friend!Can’t I just have a friend?Why does it have to be complicated?I didn’t even know he was gay when I met him!”

Dean chuckled.He put an arm around Cas’s shoulders and turned him to look at the dock.“Cas, look.What do you see?”

More kids had arrived at the pond.Lisa Braeden was standing on the end of the dock, wearing the tiniest shoestring bikini imaginable.Her assets were very much on display, and the males waiting in the water were obviously appreciative.They were waving and calling, encouraging her to jump in and offering to catch her.In response, Lisa rolled her eyes, gave a slight jump, and entered the water several feet from the boys.A groan of dismay went up.It was immediately followed by splashing as they swam closer, all competing for her attention to the irritation of the other girls already in the water.

“Well?” Dean prompted.

Cas frowned.“The girls were talking about her at the pep rally,” he reported.“I think they were wrong.”

“About what?”

“They said she stuffs, but now that the top of her bathing suit is wet, everything looks pretty, well, natural?”

Dean laughed.“Ok, we’ve established that Lisa doesn’t stuff.And it’s fairly obvious why she’s attracting so much attention.But Cas?Who’s that right in front of her with the best view?”

Dean watched as Cas finally noted Sammy among the group.Sammy’s pleas for Lisa to swim into his arms could be heard above the din.Dean watched Cas’s mouth drop open in surprise and smiled.So much for his plan to let Cas chase after Sammy.It never would have worked anyway.Besides, Cas had looked so miserable, trying to deny having any feelings other than friendship for Sammy.“Sam’s bisexual?” Cas asked.

Dean couldn’t help laughing.“No, Cas.He’s not gay at all.Sammy’s straight!”

Now Cas looked relieved.“Oh, thank god,” he breathed.“And really, I should have known.He flirts with girls all the time, but my brother said he was gay and girls just all want a gay BFF!”

“Wait, what?Which brother?”

“Lucifer.He said Sam tried to pick a fight with him the first day of school.”Cas shook his head, missing the look on Dean’s face.“I still admire Sam for that.Luci’s a lot bigger than he is.”

“Speak of the devil,” Dean growled.

Sure enough, Lucifer himself was approaching the dock, followed by Balthazar and Hannah.Cas saw them and groaned.“What are they doing here?I told them it was invitation only!”

“Looks like they invited themselves.”Dean started towards the dock.Cas followed.

By now the newcomers had been noticed.A couple of the girls had gone to meet with Hannah, welcoming her.She was smiling as she put down her belongings.Lucifer and Balthazar were putting down their things as well.Sam was already climbing the ladder, nodding in greeting.“Hey, nice to see you,” he called.“That big blue cooler is full of pop.You want some?Or you could just jump in.Water’s a little cold, but it’s ok once you get used to it.”

“That water doesn’t look very clean,” Balthazar noted.“Are there fish in there?”

“Nah, nothing alive is in there,” Sam assured.“Too many pesticides and fertilizer wash-off from the fields.”

That earned him a look.

“Is he serious?” Cas asked Dean in a small voice.“Is the water even safe to swim in?!”

Dean shrugged.“Hasn’t killed anyone yet.”

Cas stared at him.

Meanwhile, the Novaks were helping themselves to the drinks Sammy was handing out.Hannah took hers and went to sit with her friends.Lucifer dug into his beach bag, produced a couple of cigarettes, and handed one to his brother.Both lit their smokes off of the same lighter.“So this is it?” Lucifer complained.“Just swimming in filthy water, a radio, and some Coke?What kind of lame-ass party is this?”

“It’s just a bunch of us going swimming,” Charlie said politely.She was sitting over with Hannah.“You’re welcome to stay, but this is pretty much it.”

“And what are you?” Balthazar asked, frowning at Sammy.“The welcoming committee?”

“I came up to try to make you feel welcome, yes,” Sammy said.“If that’s a problem, I’ll leave you alone.”He turned, but then paused, frowning.“Those cigarettes smell weird.”

Lucifer and Balthazar looked at him in surprise.Then they started laughing.“You really are a hick from the sticks, aren’t you?” Lucifer laughed.

“Hey!” Dean warned.He’d finally reached the dock through the crowd in the water and was climbing up onto it.“No one asked you to come.No one is telling you to leave yet, but this is your only warning.You want to be here, you’re welcome to stay.But only if you stop being a douche bag and you put that shit out.No one cares too much if we drink out here sometimes because we don’t cut up.But drugs are a whole other story!”

“Ooo, what’s the matter?” Lucifer mocked.“Does the smell of it upset your delicate constitution, princess?”

“I’m about to upset your face in a moment!”

That earned him more laughter.Lucifer got up, took a puff of his joint, and blew the smoke in Dean’s face.

Half a second later, Lucifer was sprawling on the dock.Dean picked up his joint, grabbed Balthazar’s as well, snubbed them both out into a puddle of water and tossed them into the trash bag.

Balthazar was up, but so were most of the males at the pond, climbing out of the water onto the deck to form a loose semi-circle behind Dean.The younger Novak found himself facing down multiple hostile faces.“Leave,” Benny ordered.“You two just wore out your welcome.”

Lucifer was staring up at Dean with wide, shocked eyes.A large mark was already forming on his chin.He managed his feet with assistance from his scowling brother.“Come on, Hannah, Cas!” Balthazar ordered.“Let’s go.”

“Cas and Hannah can stay,” Sammy announced.“You two can’t.”

Balthazar’s furious eyes immediately sought him out.“I’ll get you for this,” he threatened.

“Try it,” Dean offered.“If I don’t kick your ass for it, one of these guys will.”

“You’re mighty tough surrounded by your buddies, aren’t you, Winchester?” Lucifer growled, gathering his belongings.

Sammy scoffed.“Yeah, like your brother wasn’t going to jump on Dean!”

“And where was our other brother?”Lucifer’s eyes landed on Cas and grew hard.

Joe was suddenly in Lucifer’s space.“Go.Now.”

Lucifer and Balthazar walked way, shooting glares behind them.

Charlie nudged Hannah.“Cas is cool, but your other two brothers?Are dicks!”

“I’m aware.”Hannah leaned over and spoke quietly to Charlie, whose eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Dean had climbed back into the water and was swimming towards Cas, hoping to pick up where they’d left off.But to his surprise, Cas swam past him.He was climbing out onto the dock, looking upset as he picked up his things.“Come on, Hannah,” he called.“Luci’s got the car, so we’d better go with them.”

“I can drive you both back,” Dean quickly offered.“Why would you want to go with those two douchebags?”

Cas avoided looking at him, focusing instead on his sister.“Let’s just go, ok?”

Hannah made a face.But she nodded.Then she too gathered her things.

Dean climbed back out of the water and stared after them as they jogged away to catch up to their brothers.“What the hell just happened?” he wondered.“We told them they could stay!”

“Maybe it’s best they didn’t,” Charlie mumbled.“Or at least that Castiel didn’t.”She looked apologetically at Dean.“Dean, I know you think he’s cute, but Hannah just told me something.You know how she said that they had to come out here because her brother got kicked out of school?Well, she wasn’t talking about Balthazar.She was talking about Cas!”


	8. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events at the pond, Sam finally manages to smooth things over with Cas. But suddenly there are more pressing issues.

“Cas!  Come on, man, slow down!”

Castiel didn’t want to slow down.But he’d already glanced back at Sammy.The other boy knew he’d heard him.That meant he couldn’t just keep walking and pretend he hadn’t heard Sammy like he’d done earlier.So far today, his tactic had been to avoid both of the Winchester brothers.Until now he’d been able to dodge them in the hall.He’d avoided having Sammy sit next to him at homeroom by the process of waiting until just before bell to come in, ignoring the obvious open seat next to Sam and sitting anywhere else.But now Sammy was jogging up to him and taking his arm.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Sammy demanded.“You’ve been avoiding me all day!”

“No I haven’t,” Castiel lied.

“Bullshit.You sat clear back in the corner rather than sitting by me in homeroom.Now you’re trying to dodge me again!Come on, spill.What gives?What did I do to piss you off?”

“You didn’t do anything!”Castiel shook his head.“Look, I’m sorry, but I really just need you to stay away from me for a while, ok?”

“No.”

Castiel blinked in surprise.“No?”

“No, I’m not staying away from you.You’re my friend.I care about you.Something’s wrong.I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what it is.”

Castiel glanced meaningfully at the clock.“We’re about to be late for class.”

“Good.We’ll have plenty of time to talk to each other in detention.”

“Why are you doing this?!”

“Because you’re my friend and something’s wrong, just like I said.”Sammy reached out and caught Castiel’s arm.“Now talk to me.”

Castiel looked away.“I can’t be friends with you and Dean anymore,” he blurted.

He heard the other boy’s quick intake of breath.“What?Why?”

“It doesn’t matter, alright?Let’s just get to…Hey!”

Sammy wasn’t very big, but he was determined.And he was dragging Castiel into the boy’s room.Once inside, Sammy turned to him, ignoring the bell that marked them late.“Alright.Talk to me, Cas.What the hell is going on?”

Castiel grimaced.“It’s my brothers.I knew they’d be mad, after the pond, and they were.Lucifer’s really upset at Dean, Sam, and Balthazar’s got it out for you.”

“Me?”Sammy’s eyebrows went up in surprise.“I guess I understand Luci being upset at Dean, although he totally brought that on himself.But why’s Balth after me?”

“He kind of has been for a while.I don’t know or care why.The point is, if I keep hanging out with you, they’ll be mad.”

“At you?”

“No, Sam, at you and Dean!I mean, yeah, they’ll be mad at me, too, but they already hate you two.If you keep hanging around me, they’ll only get worse.”

Sam rolled his eyes.“Oh boo hoo.Listen, Cas, your brothers do not get to dictate who gets to be friends with you, and they sure as hell aren’t the bosses of me and Dean.You saw what happened at the pond when Luci tried to push Dean too far.How’d that work out for him?The whole school’s talking about that nice bruise he’s got on his chin.”

“Yeah, he’s really pissed about that,” Castiel warned.“He’s going to get him back for it, Sam.”

“Better than him have tried.Dean’s not afraid of Lucifer and I’m not afraid of Balthazar.The only one I care about is you.”His eyes crinkled as he frowned.“Cas, your brothers.Are they the reason you’re always so quiet and withdrawn?The only time you seem to perk up is when you’re with us!”

“I…I don’t…”

Sam moved closer, looking him in the eye.“Why do you let them dictate your life?”

“I don’t!But Sammy, I have to live with them.They can make my life a living Hell, so I try not to give them a reason.But if it wasn’t about this, it would be about something else.That’s not really why I’m concerned, ok?Mostly I’m just worried about you and Dean.”

“Well, don’t.”Sammy was still looking hard at him.“Did you really get kicked out of your old school?”

Castiel felt cold.“How did you hear that?!”

“So you did.I don’t get that, Cas.I could see either one of your brothers cutting up to the point where they’d get booted out, but you?What the hell did you do?”

Castiel quickly looked away.“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sammy raised his hands.“Backing off.If you want to talk about it, I’m here.Otherwise I won’t bring it up again.Meanwhile, what about you and me?We square?”

Castiel sighed.“Yeah, Sammy, we’re square.”

“Good.Because we want to take you to the movies tomorrow night.Dad doesn’t need me or Dean at the store so we’ve got the night off.It’s a little cheaper because it’s a school night, and less crowded.The three of us can eat the overpriced food at the concession stand and enjoy ourselves and forget all about your brothers.Because this time you don’t tell them where we’re going.Sound like a date?”

Not tell his brothers where he was going?That wasn’t possible.He’d have to tell his father all the details, and of course Lucifer and Balthazar would be all ears.But then Castiel forgot everything else.“What?Date?”

Sam playfully punched his arm.“Friends can go on dates too, Cas!Come on, three guys, hanging out?It’ll be fun!Say you’ll go!”

The sight of Sam’s smile felt like the rising of the sun.Castiel pushed all of his concerns aside, smiled back, and said yes.

***

Sam thanked whatever gods were watching that he and Cas only got a warning for how late they got into class.He paid minimal attention, far more concerned with getting to Dean and telling him the news.As soon as the bell rang, Sam gave Cas a quick hug and then was darting through the halls, looking for Dean.

Apparently, Dean was looking for Sam as well.A set of strong arms wrapped around him, dragging him into the music room.Sam squirmed until his feet were back on the ground.“Dean, listen, I asked Cas if…”

It wasn’t Dean.Sam realized that a moment before he was gripped roughly by the arms and slammed into the wall.“Hey!What’s your damage?!Let go of me!”

“Did you really think you were better than me?” Balthazar hissed.“Did you think you could humiliate me and get away with it?!”

“Dude, what are you talking about?I didn’t…”

Whatever Sam had been about to say was literally knocked out of him by a hard fist right to his gut.Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.No matter how hard he gasped for air, there just didn’t seem to be any going into his lungs.

Balthazar had him by the upper arms again and was slamming him once more into the wall.Sam felt himself held upright despite his body’s attempts to double over.Balthazar was scowling into his face.“You a faggot, too?You are, aren’t you?”

“What’s it to you?” Sam managed to wheeze out.His heart was pounding.Nothing like this had ever happened to him before.At least he was finally starting to be able to breathe.Now he was getting angry.He shoved at the larger boy.“Take your god damn hands off of me!”

Balthazar scoffed.Then he lifted Sam completely up off of his feet, holding the smaller boy above his head.“Mascot, right?”

Sam kicked at him.“Fucking put me down!”

“You got it.”

Sam dropped.His temple hit the tile floor hard enough that stars flashed in front of his eyes for a moment.He stayed as he was, too dizzy to move.But hands were on him again, digging in his hair to raise his battered head.“You still think you’re better than me?”

Sam didn’t answer.His head was still spinning as he blinked open his eyes.

Balthazar scoffed.“Pathetic!You got the hots for my brother?You do, don’t you?Tell you what, Winchester.I’ll make a deal with you.You stay away from Cas, and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck me?Fuck me.”Balthazar let go of his hair.He kicked Sam hard in the side.“What do you think you’re going to do, huh?Tell your brother on me?Go ahead!He doesn’t scare me, and he sure as hell doesn’t scare Luci.”

“He should!” Sam moaned.“Lucifer found out the error of underestimating Dean, didn’t he?”

“Tell your brother, then,” Balthazar offered.“And here’s what’s going to happen.”

To Sam’s horror, a knife blade suddenly appeared next to his eye.“First thing we’ll do is cut your brother’s pretty face all up,” Balthazar explained with alarming calm.“Then we’ll come find you and work you over.After that?How about our brother dearest?Since Cas was so eager to join up with you, we’ll throw him in the mix, too!”

The knife disappeared, but Balthazar was still talking.“Or, you and I can have the occasional bit of fun, just like we’re having right now.Because I gotta tell you, I have some serious frustration to burn off now and then.Knocking your scrawny ass around has made me feel better than I’ve felt all week!So what’s it going to be, you little queer?Just you, or all three of you?”

Sam tried to think.His body was shaking in pain and anger.The entire time he’d been speaking, Balthazar had remained terrifyingly calm.Now the larger boy was actually petting him, stroking his hair, down the back of his neck and rubbing at his back.Sam knew Dean could handle Lucifer or Balthazar individually, but together?And armed?They wouldn’t really cut Dean and Cas, would they?

Then he looked up at the other boy, saw him smiling down at him with no sign of humanity in his eyes, and knew they would.

***

Dean looked up and frowned when his brother finally came in.“What happened to you?”

Sammy gingerly touched the bruise on his temple.“I slipped and fell in the bathroom,” he explained.

“Well, did you knock yourself out?I waited for you to take you home, but you didn’t show!”

“I just took the bus.Hey, Cas is going to go to the movies with us tomorrow.”

Dean largely forgot about his brother’s bruise and odd behavior.“Really?Awesome!So you got to talk to him?”

“Yeah.”Sammy climbed into a chair with a wince.“His brothers are giving him some shit about hanging out with us, Dean.Might want to stay out of their faces.”

“Or I can break their faces?”Dean thought this was a much better idea.

But when normally he’d expect Sammy to agree, Dean was surprised to see his brother shaking his head, looking alarmed.“Dean, Cas has to live with those two!And Luci and Balth are a couple of real assholes.I think it’s better if you just stayed out of their faces, ok?Don’t stir things up.”

“Alright, whatever you say.”Dean was eyeing Sammy, but Sam wouldn’t meet his eyes.“You ok?You’re acting weird.”

“I’m fine.”Sam was frowning at their mother, who was grimacing as she rubbed at her stomach.“Mom, are you still sick?”

“Yes,” Mary admitted.“Yesterday, I thought it was something I ate, but I just keep feeling worse and worse.Must be a flu bug.”

“Unclean!Unclean!” the brothers chanted, pretending to hide behind their arms.

“Such compassionate sons I’ve raised.Just for that, you two clowns can finish supper.”

“Sit down, mom,” Dean called.He pulled out a chair.“You shouldn’t have been cooking anyway.”

“I didn’t breathe on any of the food, Dean!”

“Not what I’m worried about and you know it.”

“Do you want some soup, mom?” Sammy asked, already getting in the cupboard.“I can make you some soup and crackers?It might be easier on your stomach.”

Mary smiled.“I’d like that, thank you.”

Sammy quickly put the soup on.Dean got his mother a glass of ice water, then moved to finish supper.By the time everything was ready, their father had come home.He triumphantly held up a small container.“Fresh mealworms!”

“Oh my god, John, do not do this now!” Mary pleaded as the boys cheered.“I’m way too sick to deal with you three eating bugs today.”

“Still?”John moved to kiss his wife’s cheek.Then he went to the fridge, put the mealworms inside, and got himself a beer.“I thought you said you felt better last night.”

“I did, but it’s back.”

“Well, take it easy.Ah good job, boys!”

Sam was putting a bowl of hot soup in front of his mother, adding a package of crackers.Meanwhile, Dean had started plating for the rest of the family.

Dinner was the usual noisy affair.Both parents had raised an eyebrow at Sammy’s bruise and looked at Dean.But Dean shook his head, indicating nothing to worry about so no one had said anything.The result was a cheerful mood at the table.There was a great deal of chatter and laughter, along with warnings not to talk with full mouths.Even Mary recovered a bit to join in the fun.But her hand frequently moved down, rubbing gingerly at the right side of her stomach.

***

“Oh my god, Sammy, I think I’m in love!”

“I think you’re in lust.”

“That works, too.Those eyes, did you see those eyes?Those eyes are so fucking blue!”Dean had finally gotten a chance to talk to Cas at school, making arrangements for the movies tonight.He’d talked about nothing else on the ride home after they’d both finished practice.

Sammy sighed.“Yes, Dean, I noticed he has eyes.I would have noticed more if they were missing.”

“And that ass?”

“I don’t really make a habit of looking there on another guy, but since his legs were attached, I assumed he had one of those, too.Frankly, I’m way more interested in his sister.”

“Dude, bad form!You don’t go after your best friend’s sister.”

“Yeah, I guess he is my best friend, isn’t he?”Sammy smiled at the thought as Dean pulled into the driveway.It was getting dark, but no lights were on in the house.Odd.Their dad wasn’t home yet, but he knew their mom was.She’d still felt sick that morning and had called off work.Maybe she was asleep?That was probably it.Sam got out of the car and grimaced as the heat hit him again.“I need a shower,” Sam grumbled.“Why is it so freaking hot in the beginning of September?I feel gross!”

“He’s just starting to fill out,” Dean mused, obviously still thinking of Cas.His arms were full of football equipment, so he shook the keys at his brother.“Did you see how the buttons on those fancy dress shirts he wears are starting to strain?By this time next year, he’s going to be a total stud!”

“Stud, right, move over so I can open the door.Mom, we’re home!”

Dean moved over slightly, his eyes still miles away.“I’m asking him to the prom.”

“Why not just cut to the chase and ask him to marry you?” Sam grumbled.“Maybe it’ll be legal by the time you get out of the Marines.”

Dean smiled a dopey grin.“Don’t tempt me.Mom!You still sick?”

The house was dark, silent and still as Sam opened the door, grimacing when more heat hit him.“It’s hotter than hell in here!She didn’t open any windows?Maybe she’s in bed with a fever?” he suggested, flipping on the lights.“She was pretty sick when we left.And last night she even threw up the soup!If she still isn’t keeping anything down, you going to back me up on her going to the hospital?”

“If she’s still not keeping anything down, I’m carrying her to the car.It’s been two days now, and…”He paused when he saw his brother suddenly stiffen.“What?”

“Dean, what’s that smell?”

Dean stepped forward.As soon as his head got near the opened door he could smell it.In the unexpected heat, the closed-up house had become uncomfortably warm.The smell hit like a wave.Sickness, and something else.

Dropping his football equipment on the floor, Dean pushed his brother aside and ran into the house.“Mom?Mom!You ok?”

No answer.Sammy shot past him, heading towards the kitchen.Dean moved to check their parent’s bedroom, but Sammy suddenly started yelling.“Dean!DEAN!”

Dean turned, looked into the kitchen, and the bottom fell out of his world.

***

Castiel sat on his front porch with his chin propped up in his hands.He’d watched the sun go down, watched the moon rise and the lights on the street flicker to life.Now it was very clearly late, too late for the movie.He’d long ago realized that Sam and Dean weren’t coming.He just hadn’t been able to force himself to go back inside.

“Castiel!Where the hell is that boy?”

“He went out to the movies with his friends, father,” he heard Hannah tell his father.

“He should have been back by now!It’s almost curfew.If he’s late again, he’s grounded!And why the hell didn’t he clean up that mess before he left?I swear, that boy gets more out of control every day!”

“Father, it’s ok.I got it cleaned up.”

“It’s not ok!Do not talk back to me, young lady!Your brother needs to get his ass home!”

Castiel let his head drop and closed his eyes.A moment later, he heard the door open and Hannah came out.“Cassie?”

“I heard.”

Footsteps coming closer.Then his sister was sinking onto the step next to Castiel.“I’m sorry you got stood up.I didn’t think they’d do that to you.”

“Why not?They’re popular, right?And the popular kids always did enjoy playing games with me.”He looked up at her.“How’d you even know I got stood up?”

“Because I was watching.I saw you sitting out here for the past four hours.That’s why I cleaned up the living room.”Her hand went to his shoulder.“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, miserable.“Like I said, they’re popular.I was stupid to think they’d really want to hang out with me.Now they’ll have a good laugh and everything will go back to normal.Honestly, it’s almost a relief.”

“Don’t start that.This is a different school, Cas.They don’t know about, you know.And it doesn’t even matter here!Besides, I’ve had a lot of girls ask me about you.Apparently, you’re cute.What happened to that one that came to the house?”

“Stella?”Castiel shifted uncomfortably.“She wanted me to agree to only do things with her, but I told her no.”

“What about the other girls who were talking to you?”

“I don’t want to go out with them, Hannah.”

“You should at least try!” she urged.“Isn’t there anyone you have your eye on?”

Castiel suddenly went quiet.Hannah sucked in her breath.“Oh no.Winchester?”

Castiel didn’t reply.

Hannah shook her head.“You can’t, Castiel!Not again!Listen, I want you to promise me something.The next time a girl asks you out, go out with her, ok?Even if it’s just once!You don’t want to get sent back to that place again, do you?”

“No,” Castiel whispered.

“Then will you try it?”When her brother didn’t answer, she sighed.“Come on, Cassie!It’s a natural thing.Just try something small.Holding hands in the hall, maybe a little kiss on the cheek?”

“Alright,” Castiel agreed, miserable.

Hannah patted his shoulder.“Good!Now come in and let father yell at you and get it out of his system.”

Castiel wearily got to his feet.Even more than his father’s inevitable rant, he dreaded going out with a girl.Natural or not, he simply couldn’t feel for girls what he’d always seemed to feel for boys.It wasn’t natural.It was a sin.Sin always felt good.He knew that.But it didn’t change how he felt.

It didn’t matter.If tonight had proven anything, it had proven that what he wanted didn’t matter.


	9. Christian Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finally learns the truth about what happened at the Winchester house and is determined to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes offered the song "I Will Be Here For You" by Michael W. Smith for this chapter. Fits.

Sam and Dean weren’t in school that day.But Castiel wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.Over and over, he heard their names mentioned in whispers.But no one was talking to him.If anything, it felt like the other kids were avoiding him.Even Stella Johnson seemed to be avoiding him, but that wasn’t so unusual since he’d told her he didn’t want to be her boyfriend.Still, he was surprised about Charlie.She wouldn’t even meet his eyes.She’d asked if he’d talked to the brothers?When he said he hadn’t, she’d nodded, mumbled some excuse, and quickly walked away.Lunch was even worse.No one at his usual table would talk to him or look at him.Most of them finished their lunch and left the cafeteria early.By the end of that day, Castiel was feeling miserable.Whatever he’d said or done to upset the Winchesters?Apparently, the whole school knew about it except for Castiel.

That evening at dinner, Castiel moodily picked at his food.He offered nothing to report on his turn just as his siblings had.But Balthazar scoffed.“He’s lying,” he announced.“Cas has something to report!Ask him about his friends, the Winchesters?”

Immediately his father’s eyes locked on Castiel.“Castiel?Did something happen?One of those queers made a pass at you?”

“What?No!”

“Oh, come on!” Lucifer exclaimed.“Give us some details, Cas!”

“Details on what?”

“Don’t lie,” Balth warned.“I heard that Dean won’t let anyone near them.But you and Sam are thick as thieves!So if anyone knows anything, you do!”

Castiel sputtered.“I’m not lying!”

“Cas?”Hannah was looking hard at him now.“Do you even know?”

“Know what?!” Castiel exclaimed.“I haven’t seen them and everyone seems to know something except for me!”

Lucifer suddenly laughed.“He doesn’t even know!Oh, that’s rich.”

“Lucifer, if you have something to report?I suggest you stop laughing and start talking.”

Their father’s tone took all the amusement off of Lucifer’s face.“It’s all over the school,” he explained.“Their mom died last night.”

Castiel sat up in shock.“What?!”

Balthazar was nodding.“Yeah!Apparently, they were too stupid to know what an appendix is.Hers burst sometime during the day and killed her.Remember how hot it was?Well, I heard she was lying in that closed-up house all day in that heat!So by the time they found her, she was…”

Castiel didn’t hear anything more.Ignoring the shout from his father, he raced for the door and his shoes.

“Castiel!”His father’s hand landed hard on his shoulder, jerking him around.“You did not ask to be excused from the table, nor have I given you permission to leave.So what, exactly, do you think you’re doing?!”

“Forgive me father,” Castiel explained hastily.“But they’re my friends, and they just lost their mom!I didn’t even know about it.Balth says Dean won’t let anyone else near them, but he’s right.I’m Sammy’s best friend!He needs me now.Please, let me go to them?”

His father’s hand moved to his arm, pulling him back.“I think you’ve spent enough time with those people.”

“Please let me go!”Castiel dared to pull back.“Remember Jesus said, ‘I was sick, and you visited me?’I was a stranger and they took me in!”

“I was naked and ye clothed me.I was in prison, and ye came unto me,” Zachariah recited.“Matthew chapter 25.But do you think those people even know of it?”

“Then let me show them,” Castiel urged.“Sam and Dean just lost their mother.I just want to do my Christian duty and try to offer what comfort I can as their friend.Please let me go?”

Castiel waited, watching as his father considered it.“Alright,” he said at last.“But don’t let them use their grief as an excuse to push you into sin, Castiel.Your brothers are convinced they’re both gay.”

“That isn’t true!But it doesn’t matter.Gay or not, they’re children of God.And they’re hurting now.If Dean’s keeping everyone else away, then they need help now more than ever!I know them.I knew their mom.I need to go to them and do what I can to help.But I’ll be careful.”

“Be back by curfew,” his father warned letting him go.“And tell Martin to drop you off and come straight back.I need driven out for a late meeting.”

“I will!”

A short time later, the groundskeeper and driver, Martin, was stopping in front of the Winchesters’ home.John’s truck was there, but Dean’s Impala was missing.Castiel frowned.“Can you drive me through town a bit?Just for a minute or two, before you have to go back and take dad to his meeting?”

“Of course.”

It was good that Dean drove such a recognizable car.Castiel spotted it in the paring lot of a shopping center, thanked the driver, dismissed him, and got out to wait by the Impala.

He was shocked when Dean finally emerged from one of the stores with his arms loaded with what could only be alcohol.Castiel spotted multiple cases of beer, along with at least two bottles of Jack Daniels.But he knew Dean couldn’t be any older than eighteen.Dean himself looked awful.His face was pale, with deep, dark circles under his eyes.His hair was a mess.He hadn’t shaved.His clothing appeared to be identical to what he’d been wearing yesterday in school when they’d talked about going to the movies.He didn’t appear to see Castiel as he made his way to his car.Dean looked utterly exhausted.

“Dean?” Castiel called.

Dean blinked, finally noticing him.He nodded, looking away.“Hey.Not a good time, buddy, sorry.”

“Dean, I heard what happened,” Castiel began.“I’m sorry.And I’m here to help you.Here.Where are your keys?”

Dean blinked at him again.Then he turned slightly, giving Castiel access to his hip.“Jeans pocket.”

Castiel didn’t hesitate to reach into his pocket and grab the keys.He fumbled through them and got the car unlocked.“Here.I’ll help you load up.”

“Thanks.”

Castiel carefully loaded the beer and whiskey.He didn’t ask the obvious question, but Dean answered anyway.“It’s for my dad,” he said quietly.“He’s home, but he’s in no shape to drive right now.The clerk’s a family friend.He knows me, knows what happened and that this isn’t for me.Dad needs it.”

Castiel didn’t answer.He loaded the last of the cans and bottles into the car.Then he climbed into the passenger seat.

That seemed to surprise Dean.“Cas, you’re coming with me?”

“I told you, I’m here to help.”

Dean looked uncertain.“It’s not good at my house right now, Cas.This really isn’t a good time.Dad and Sammy, they’re not good.I appreciate you wanting to help, but…”

“Are you kicking me out?” Castiel asked, making his voice hard.“Are you going to tell me now that I can’t try to help my best friend when he needs me most?”

Dean blinked.“No?”

“Then get in the car and drive.”

It wasn’t fair.It hurt Castiel to do it, put Dean in this position.But it worked.Dean got in without another word.He put his key into the ignition, but didn’t turn it.Instead, he froze where he was.“We found her.Me and Sammy.We found our mom.”

“I heard.I’m sorry.”

“It was…She was in the house all day.All day!We knew she was sick.She threw up the night before and all she had was soup, but she insisted it was just the flu.Money’s a bit tight right now.We have insurance, but the deductible for the hospital?I know why she wouldn’t go.I know why she hid it, tried to pretend it wasn’t as bad as it was.If I had only…!”Dean’s eyes seemed a million miles away.“I should have done something.I should have made her go to the hospital.”

Castiel didn’t answer.He stayed quiet, letting Dean say what he needed to say.

“Sammy saw her first,” Dean was saying.It wasn’t clear if he realized Cas was still there.“He just screamed and screamed.Then when he stopped, he wouldn’t say anything.He still hasn’t said anything.He won’t talk to me at all.He wouldn’t talk to the ambulance people or dad.He just sits there.He won’t move.He won’t eat.I’ve tried everything to get him to eat, but he won’t.Last night, I carried him to bed because he wouldn’t stand up.I got him ready for bed as best as I could.Put him down to sleep.But I don’t know if he slept.When I went to check him this morning, he was still in the same position.And he was wet.I should have taken him to the bathroom before I laid him down.I had to clean him up, change his bed.Now I’m taking him to the bathroom every few hours or so.He’ll sit and go so long as I take him.But I have to clean him up afterwards because he won’t move.I’m scared because I don’t know what to do.I can’t make him eat.I even tried to feed him.I can get a spoon into his mouth, but he doesn’t swallow.It just runs back out.Then he choked.I had to grab a paper towel, clean his mouth out.Since then, I’ve been afraid to try to feed him again.”

“Then there’s dad,” Dean went on.“I called 911 first and then I called him.He was screaming over the phone before he hung up, and Sammy was still screaming.By the time dad got home, Sammy wasn’t screaming anymore, but he wouldn’t move or talk.He just stared off into space.I thought when dad got home he would help.But he didn’t go to Sammy.He pushed past me, went right to mom and just fell to pieces.He was sobbing, cradling her even though she was stiff when the ambulance came.Why the hell did they send an ambulance?She was gone!There was nothing they could do.She was dead.But dad saw them and started yelling that they had to do something to help her.They had to give him something to calm him down.I told them how she’d been last night.They think she died of appendicitis.Who the fuck dies of appendicitis?!Why the hell didn’t I take her to the hospital?!”

Dean sat still for a moment.He took several deep breaths before he continued.“She’d been dead for a while, inside that hot house with all the windows closed.The smell is what first really told us something was wrong.Now that smell is everywhere.It was all over dad’s clothes, it filled up the house.Last night, Dad changed into his sleeping clothes and just started drinking and didn’t talk to us.I couldn’t get him to help me with Sammy.So I tried to get rid of the smell.I opened up all the windows and doors, put fans up, but it wouldn’t go away.I washed the laundry.I scrubbed the floor.I did the dishes.I wiped down everything in the kitchen, but the smell won’t go away.I was up all night last night, cleaning and scrubbing everything in the house, trying to make the smell go away.This morning I tried to vacuum, but dad had a hangover and yelled so I stopped.I just kept cleaning and taking care of him and Sammy until we ran out of beer.Then I saw dad going out in his tee-shirt and sleeping shorts and hunting boots, getting into his truck to go get beer.I stopped him.I had to tell him that I would get the beer if he went back into the house.So that’s why I’m here.I’m getting him beer and Jack.I don’t know what else to do.I don’t know how to fix my family.”

“Dean.”

Dean had always seemed so strong.Seeing him broken was killing Castiel.Somehow, the way he passively allowed Castiel to pull him across the seats and into his arms made it worse.When the first sobs shook Dean’s body, Castiel thought his heart would shatter.“I’m here, Dean,” he soothed, holding tightly to his friend.“You’re not alone.I’m here.”

Dean didn’t cry for long.When he regained control, he wiped quickly at his face and avoided Castiel’s eyes.“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.You don’t have to be strong with me.But I’m coming with you.I’m not leaving.”

Grateful green eyes turned to him.“Thank you.”

At that moment, Castiel might have walked into Hell for Dean Winchester.Instead, he tightly gripped Dean’s arm.“Let’s go back.I’ll help you.”

Dean nodded and finally started the car.

The Winchester home was neat as a pin and smelled strongly of cleaning products.Castiel’s stomach churned, waiting for a distinctive unpleasant, lingering odor.But there was none.The house smelled fresh and clean and well-aired.He watched Dean as the two of them carried Dean’s purchases into the kitchen.Even here, the only smell was cleaning products.His hand moved of its own volition, reaching out to catch a finger in the belt loop of Dean’s jeans.Dean paused.“The house smells good,” Cas said.

Dean looked at him.“You can’t smell it?”

“It’s not there, Dean,” Castiel insisted.“You did a good job.The house smells clean.”

He could see some of the tension melt from Dean’s shoulders.Placing his bags on the counter, Castiel quickly pulled Dean’s bags from his hands and hugged him tightly.Dean seemed to melt into him.For a moment, he simply held Dean, wishing such a simple act could remove the horror of the last few days.

“Dean?That you?”John, calling from somewhere in the house.“You’d better have that beer, Marine!”

Dean immediately pulled free.“I have it, dad!Did Sammy get up?”

“He’s still in bed far as I know.Just bring me a beer.”

“It’ll be warm.”

“Don’t give a shit.Bring me a beer and some Jack!”

Dean moved to one of the cases and pulled out a can.“I’ll bring him this and check on Sammy.Cas, can you try to fit the rest of this case into the fridge?”

“Alright.”

“Thanks.Leave the rest on the counter here.I’ll get it later.”He picked up one of the bottles of Jack and headed into the house.

Castiel tried hard not to look at the floor and imagine what the Winchester brothers had seen there.He pushed aside some milk and an odd plastic container and carefully loaded beer into the fridge.It now contained more alcohol than food.They needed groceries badly.Maybe that was something Castiel could do?He could go to the bank, get some money out of his account, and get groceries.That was a good idea.He’d already come to understand that the Winchesters didn’t have much money.Now, with funeral expenses to deal with, they could likely use all the help they could get.

Castiel finished and looked up to see Dean carrying Sammy into the bathroom.Whatever Castiel might have said was immediately smothered in the silence that surrounded his best friend.Sammy looked even worse than Dean.His head rested on his brother’s shoulder.He was limp, arms and legs dangling as Dean carried him bridal style.There was no life in those hazel eyes.They stared off at something only Sammy could see.

As the silence spun on, Castiel realized that Dean had stopped.He was standing as he was, holding his brother, refusing to meet Castiel’s eyes.“I tried to warn you,” Dean mumbled.“You don’t have to stay.”

“I’m not leaving.”Castiel moved forward, forced himself to touch Sam’s arm.“Sam?It’s Castiel.”

No response.Sam seemed more like a doll than a person.Castiel squeezed Sam’s arm, searching his eyes for any sign.But there was nothing.

Dean shifted.“I need to take him to the bathroom,” he said.Then he was pushing past Castiel, going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Castiel turned and gripped the counter tightly.He couldn’t stop seeing Sam’s eyes, the complete lack of anything behind them.This wasn’t Sam Winchester.There was nothing left of the vibrant, chatty, pushy cheerleader that had bullied Castiel into being his friend.And somewhere in the house, the terrifying hunter Castiel had met was lounging in his underwear, drinking away the loss of his wife while his oldest son brought him alcohol and tried helplessly to keep the entire family from collapsing.Dear god. No wonder Dean wouldn’t let anyone help them.

Castiel waited until the toilet flushed and water finished running.Then he moved and met Dean at the bathroom door.“Dean?Why don’t you give him to me?”

“Cas, he’s messed up,” Dean warned.“He won’t talk to you or anything, ok?I put him to bed when I went out, but I have to watch him.He’s…”

“I’ve got him.”Castiel carefully took Sam from Dean’s arms.Sam was like a rag doll, and dead weight.Castiel held on, trying not to show how much he was straining to support the smaller boy.“You’re exhausted, ok?You need to shower and change, and take a nap.”

“I can’t take a nap!I need to make supper!”

“I’ll make soup and sandwiches.”The house didn’t have much else to offer anyway.Castiel carried his burden to the kitchen table.“Will he sit up if I put him in a chair?”

“Yeah, but he won’t eat, Cas.I have to…”

“Good.”He sat Sammy down in one of the chairs.He had to bring Sam’s arms up, position them so Sam was leaning on the table.But Sam didn’t fall out of the chair.Good.Castiel turned to frown at Dean.“Get some clean clothes and get cleaned up.You can’t help anyone if you fall over.Your family needs you now, Dean.You have to take care of yourself.”

That got through where nothing else might have.Dean nodded and went to his room for clean clothes.A moment later, he came back down and entered the bathroom.Then the shower was running.

Castiel made some soup and several sandwiches.He spooned a bit of soup into Sammy’s mouth.No good.Sam’s head was tilted forward, letting it run out.Castiel cleaned it with a towel, lifted Sam’s head, tried again.This time Sam choked.Castiel quickly tilted his head down, let it run back out so he could mop it up.This wasn’t going to work.Alright.Castiel carefully cleaned his friend’s mouth.“It’s alright, Sam,” he said.“You don’t have to eat yet.You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do yet.If you need to stay there, wherever you are?That’s alright.But don’t stay there forever.Your family needs you, Sam.Come back to us, alright?”

No response.Castiel slid his chair closer.He pulled his friend against his side, held him there with one arm and started eating, talking softly to Sammy about nothing.School.The weather.What Sam was wearing.Anything.It didn’t matter.All that mattered was that he was touching his friend, talking to him.Wherever Sam was, those were what he might recognize first.

Castiel handed some food to Dean when he came out of the shower.Dean ate barely enough to qualify as a meal.Then he cut a small bite off of a sandwich and tried again to feed Sammy.Castiel caught his wrist.“I’ll try later,” he vowed.“Go take some of this to your dad and then rest, Dean.I’ve got Sam.”

Dean’s eyes were bloodshot.He was beyond tired.With a silent nod, he got up and trudged up the stairs.

Castiel carried Sam into the living room and put him down on the couch.Then he went back and brought Sam’s sandwich out to the living room, intending to make good on his promise.He climbed onto the couch, pulling his friend into his arms.“Sam?” he said quietly.“It’s Castiel again.I don’t know if you’re hearing me, or if I can even say anything that matters.But I’m here, ok?”

He pulled on Sam, sliding around until Sam’s head was resting on a throw pillow in his lap.He pulled the folded afghan down from the back of the couch, spreading it over Sam.Then he relaxed and switched on the TV.He kept one hand resting on Sammy’s chest.The other gently stroked the smaller boy’s hair.Sam had a fading bruise on his temple.Maybe he’d fallen?Castiel was careful not to brush against it.He started talking to Sam again, telling him what was on the TV.Complaining about the commercials.Anything.It didn’t matter.

After a time, Castiel looked down and was surprised to see Sam looking back up at him.For the first time, Sam seemed to be seeing him.Castiel smiled.“Hey, Sam.It’s alright.I’m right here.”

No response.But Sammy was still looking at him.Castiel kept up what he was doing.And when Dean finally woke up hours later, it was to see Sammy’s hand had reached up to lace his fingers with Castiel’s hand on his chest.

This time, when Dean tried pressing the small piece of sandwich to his brother’s lips, Sam took a bite.


	10. Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief takes its toll, but Dean has some help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes73 offered the song "Momma Don't You Cry" by Steelheart for this. Having lost my mother, I haven't been able to bring myself to listen to it, so I'll assume it's a good one.

Cas spent most of the week with the Winchesters.Dean would take him home at night before his curfew.Cas would spend the night at home, go to school, pick up work for Dean and Sammy and take a bus to the Winchesters’ home.There, he’d stay for the rest of the day, doing whatever he could think of to help Dean care for his family.Dean didn’t know what he would have done without him.Cas had even borrowed Dean’s baby and gone grocery shopping, something Dean had been worrying about.Cas was the one bright spot in Dean’s life.

The rest of his life was a nightmare.Sammy was slowly improving, but still wouldn’t talk.Dean, seeing how Sammy had responded to Cas holding him, had taken his brother to sleep in his own bed with him at night.It had helped.He hadn’t had to carry Sammy after that.He’d picked his brother up and Sammy had struggled to get down.All Dean had to do was guide him.Sammy would stand up and move where directed.Eventually, he was tending to his own personal needs and hygiene, even taking a shower of his own volition.But he wouldn’t talk, and barely ate.Getting food into Sammy was the hardest thing.He’d tried feeding Sammy again after watching his brother pick at his food for half an hour without taking a bite, but Sammy had irritably swatted him away.Cas could sometimes persuade him, but even he had trouble.Alright.Give him time.Sammy had been through an awful ordeal.

While Sammy was getting better, John was getting worse.Dean never saw his father sober now.They’d had a nasty argument after Dean caught John once again about to drive himself into town after more alcohol.Dean had made another trip to the liquor store, earning himself a look of sympathy that made his hackles rise and his face burn.The clerk this time was a huge gossip.No doubt the whole town would be talking about what a drunk John Winchester had become.Dean quickly paid for his purchases and got home as soon as he could.The first thing he did was hide his father’s keys.

Outside of his family, Dean had to deal with the rest of the world.The autopsy revealed that his mother had, indeed, suffered from appendicitis.She’d passed out when it burst, fallen, suffocated and died on the kitchen floor.Dean’s only consolation was that she hadn’t suffered.But the bill to determine that made Dean wince.Then there was the funeral.Never in his life had Dean ever considered the cost of a funeral.Now the entire affair rested squarely on his shoulders.Between the different options and the price tag assigned to each one, Dean’s head was spinning.His mother hadn’t had any life insurance.The family had very little in savings.With no one working and the store closed, there was no money coming in.And now that he’d spent so much money on alcohol, Dean had no idea how he was going to get groceries next week.He’d have to get the store back open as soon as he could.But how could he make payroll for their few employees?Maybe he could find something else to do on the side for money after school?He could probably pick up hours at the motel where Sammy worked.Surely he could find some odd jobs somewhere.There had to be something he could do.

Meanwhile, there was an endless parade of visitors and condolences and decisions and paperwork and bills, bills, bills.

Hang on, Winchester.You can do this.Your family needs you to at least get them through the funeral.After that, it will be easier.

Meanwhile, it was anything but easy.Dean had opted for a short funeral on Sunday with visitation on Saturday.He wasn’t sure his family could handle more than that.The day of the visitation, he managed to get his father and brother into the second nicest set of clothing they owned, saving the best for the funeral.Sammy managed himself, but Dean had to help his father shave.The reality of the visitation and funeral were hitting John hard.His hands were shaking too much to shave himself.He constantly had a drink in his hand.For the first time, Dean realized just how much his father had been drinking.John always drank, for as long as Dean had been alive.Before the death of his wife, John typically drank around eight beers a day, spread out with two or three tumblers of Jack on the side.But now his drinking was so much worse.Dean’s father reeked of alcohol.He seemed to almost sweat it out.Already, he’d gone through most of what Dean had purchased with Cas and made a significant dent in what Dean had picked up later.Dean would have to talk to him.Right now, he really couldn’t afford to go out and buy more.

Sammy still wasn’t speaking.Their uncle had flown in from another state for his sister’s viewing and funeral.He’d been stunned when he’d seen the state Sammy and John were in.That had led to Dean being pulled aside for some uncomfortable questions he couldn’t really answer.The man was grieving, shocked, and lost.Dean was grateful he’d decided to stay in a motel and was leaving right after the funeral.His uncle meant well, but Dean just couldn’t give him what he needed.

But the best and worst part had been when the Novak family had come through.

No one else had been able to get through to his brother like Castiel Novak.Sammy had actually smiled at Cas when he saw him come in.Dean was smiling as well.Just the sight of the other boy made Dean’s heart lighter.But unfortunately, Cas wasn’t alone.For some reason, all his siblings and his father were there, too.

Zachariah Novak went straight for John.“My condolences on the loss of your wife,” he’d begun.“I lost three myself.Divorce, of course, not what happened to your Mary.Still, you have my sympathies.”

“Thank you,” John said, shaking hands.“You’re Castiel’s dad?He’s a good kid.Been a real help.”

“I do hope so.His discipline is sometimes lacking, so I do hope he hasn’t been any problem.”

“Not at all,” John told him.“Just the opposite, in fact.He’s been a huge help for Dean.”

“Dean?”Zach’s beady eyes fell on Dean.Dean was hovering near in case something went wrong.“Ah.Your boys, they’re, um, different, aren’t they?”

“Sam and Dean?Nah, they’re pretty typical for kids their age.Better than most, actually.Dean’s been my rock recently.He does a lot around the house, too.”

“Housework.”Zach’s face forced itself into a smile.“Yes, I’d imagine he’s good with that.”

“He does all the cooking now,” John agreed, largely oblivious.

“I’ve got three boys and a girl myself.When Castiel’s mother left, he was quite young.I doubt he even remembers much of her.But she caused a bit of drama over custody.It was troubling.The older boys went through a spell where they were fairly rebellious.That’s something you should be aware of, Mr. Winchester.When there’s a crisis in the family, children tend to seek out attention any way they can.It’s important to keep a firm hand.Remember, the Bible says, ‘Spare the rod, and spoil the child.’”

“That so?”John was frowning at Zach now.“And what verse is that?”

“Why, that’s Proverbs 13 verse 24,” Zach recited proudly.“‘He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.’Words for any parent to live by.”

“Funny.I didn’t hear anything in there about spoiling a child?”

“Not directly, but of course that is the implication.”Zach’s fake smile had faded a bit.But it returned when he saw John reach into his pocket for his flask.“Ah, I see,” he said.“And I don’t judge you at all.I heard that your wife was in a bad way when you found her.”

“My boys found her,” John grunted, taking a drink from the flask.“She was in bad shape.My youngest still isn’t talking.”

“Don’t worry.Children are far stronger than we give them credit for, and yours, like my own, are practically men.Just do be careful, Mr. Winchester.Remember, 1 Corinthians 6 verse 10 says, ‘Not thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.’All things in moderation, my friend.”

John gave him a look.“You trying to say something to me, sir?”

“Just a bit of friendly advice,” Zach soothed.“There’s talk around the town.It’s natural for a man mourning his wife to drown his sorrows a bit, so long as he keeps it under control.And it seems you have.But your older boy, Dean?I heard from a very reliable source that he’s been seen in town, buying large amounts of alcohol.Now, far be it for me to tell a man how to raise his own son, especially given Dean’s, well, interests?But as one father to another, I felt the need to warn you as to what your boy has been doing.”

“Dean isn’t drinking,” John said.“He was buying for me.The clerks know that, and need to mind their own business.”

Zach raised his hands.“Just trying to watch out for my neighbors.If that wasn’t for your son’s own use, I suppose that’s better.But Mr. Winchester, from what I heard, it was quite a large amount.Remember Romans 13 verse 13?‘Let us walk honestly, as in the day, not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.’Remember, the example we leave behind is the one our children will follow!”

To Dean’s irritation, Luci and Balth had moved behind their father.They were smirking as they listened to the conversation.Dean wanted to punch them.

Fortunately, John noticed them, too.“Doesn’t the Bible say something about taking the log out of your own eye before you worry about the splinter in someone else’s?”

Zach’s smile vanished.“Are you referring to Matthew 7 verses 3 through 5?”

John shrugged.“You’re obviously a man who knows his Bible verses.You’re worried about Dean drinking, or about me drinking, and you’re here to let me know there’s rumors flying around.Appreciated.But Mr. Novak, you’re not the only one who hears things.See, I heard that your boys were out smoking joints at the pond last weekend.What’s the Bible got to say about getting stoned?”

Dean took great pleasure in seeing Luci and Balth flinch when their father suddenly whirled to glare at them.But Zach quickly regained control.His eyes fell on Dean before returning to John.“My sons obviously are in need of more discipline, but at least they’re normal,” he said.“Leviticus 18 verse 22.‘If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.They shall surely be put to death.Their blood shall be upon them.’Sin has a way of revealing itself, Mr. Winchester.”His eyes went back to Dean, and then moved to the coffin.

John moved before Dean could react.His fist caught the side of Zachariah Novak’s jaw and sent him staggering.Luci and Balth immediately yelled and moved forward.Dean jumped in front of his father, ready for a fight.But suddenly they were surrounded by shouting people, pushing the two families apart.

“He struck me!” Zach yelled.“Everyone saw it.That crazy drunk punched me in the face!”

“About a minute before I would have!”Coach Singer was in Novak’s face, bellowing at the surprised other man just like he did his team on the field.“You’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve, coming in here, getting into the face of a man who just lost his wife and spouting Bible verses about god only knows what!Who the hell do you think you are?!”

Zach was red-faced and furious.Dean braced.If the bastard took a swing at Coach Singer, Dean had every intention of taking on him and both of his sons.But Zach took the measure of the room, and quickly realized that no one was on his side.He pulled it together.His face took on an air of indifference.“I apologize,” he announced.“I was trying to offer what help I could, but it’s a difficult time.I should use a bit more Christian understanding.I’m sorry, Mr. Winchester.I let your comments get to me when you’re clearly in a lot of pain.It seems we both could do with some prayers.Know that you and your family will be in mine.”

John grunted at this.“Just get out.”

“Of course.Boys, Hannah?We’re leaving.”

Cas had been over with his sister and Charlie, gathered with a still-silent Sam.Now Cas looked up with a frown.“Just a moment, father.I’ll be right there.”

“Now, Castiel!”

“Father, please!” Cas pleaded, glancing at Sammy.“I just…”

Zach’s calm facade vanished in an instant.He stalked forward, grabbed his cringing youngest son’s arm, and brutally jerked him away.“I said now!Get in the car!”

Dead silence fell as the Novaks hurried out to the car.Dean’s mind played over and over the way Zachariah Novak had just jerked on Cas’s arm and dragged him out.The way Cas had raised his arms as if to ward the man off.The way Cas grimaced in pain, but hadn’t made a sound.Most of all, he thought about the resigned look he’d seen on the other boy’s face.Combined with some of the other behavior he’d seen concerning Cas’s father, a terrible thought was starting to form.

Whispers turned to murmuring.Finally the noise level was back to normal.Dean pulled his father aside.“Dad?” he began.“I think something’s going on.The way that bastard jerked on Cas?”

“I saw it.”John took another pull from his flask.When he spoke again, the scent of Jack Daniels was strong on his breath.“Nothing I can do about it.”

“What do you mean?!Dad, I think he’s hurting Cas!”

“There’s nothing I can do, Dean!” John insisted.“Especially after what I said to him about minding his own family.I got no right to stick my nose into anything so far as Castiel is concerned.Now if he’s getting beat or something, we can call the cops.But we need to be damned sure what’s going on.Now, are you sure?”

“No,” Dean mumbled.

John patted his arm.“I know you like him.I do, too.Cas is a good kid.I honestly wanted to take another swing at Novak for dragging him out the way he did.But Dean, unless he’s actually being abused?What goes on in the Novak house is none of my business or yours.Besides, we got enough on our plate right now with our own family, don’t you think?”

Dean reluctantly nodded.But he couldn’t stop thinking of the look on Cas’s face.

***

The day of the funeral, Dean handled everything.He accepted gifts of food and occasionally money.He thanked everyone.He got his grieving father and his silent brother cleaned and dressed and to the service.He did most of the talking, sparing John and Sammy as much as he could.Dean’s friends filed in, mumbled condolences, occasionally hugged him.No one knew what to say.Dean couldn’t hold it against them.

Once again, the only bright spot was Cas.The other boy had come with Hannah, bringing food and a surprisingly large roll of cash.“It’s mine,” Cas had explained at Dean’s look.“From my savings account.I can do what I want with it.”

“I brought some, too,” Hannah added, shyly handing Dean her own roll.Her eyes moved to Sammy and then went back.“And I want to help.Why don’t you do what you have to do, Dean?Cassie can help you, and I will stay with Sammy.”

Dean had accepted gratefully.Cas didn’t say much.But he stayed steadfast by Dean’s side the entire time.Just the knowledge that he was there helped.

Somehow Dean made it through the service.Then came the trip to the cemetery, where his mother’s casket waited in front of a group of folding chairs under a plastic awning.

Dean sat up front with his arms around the shoulders of his brother on one side and his father on the other.He listened without hearing the droning of the preacher.But a gentle touch on his shoulder made him turn.He looked back and saw Cas.Cas was seated with Hannah, directly behind Dean.Now he was reaching up and gently holding Dean’s shoulder.He didn’t say a word, but he was there when no one else dared.Not even Benny had managed to get the courage to do this.Dean was overwhelmed with gratitude.He managed a smile and nodded.Then he turned back to the service.

Cas’s hand stayed where it was until the service was over.Afterwards, Dean stood at his mother’s grave.He held his brother with one arm in front of him.His right arm was around his father.Both of them were leaning heavily on Dean in more ways than one.But Cas was still there, standing at Dean’s side with his arm around Dean.Cas was supporting Dean even as Dean supported his family.

“I have to go,” Cas said apologetically.“Hannah’s waving at me.”

“Tell your sister thank you,” John called.“She was really good about staying with Sammy today.And thank you, too.For everything.”

Cas nodded.“I’ll bring your work from school tomorrow, Dean.”

“I want to go back to school.”

Surprised, everyone turned to look at Sammy.Sammy was still standing as he was, gripping Dean’s arm with both hands as he stared at his mother’s grave.But he was talking.“I can’t go on like this.I need to go back to normal.I want to go back to school tomorrow.”

“Ok, Sammy,” Dean soothed.“Ok.We’ll go back tomorrow.”

Cas smiled.“I guess I’ll see you there, then.”

“Yeah.”Sammy tugged at Dean’s arm, pulling it away.Then he walked away, heading back towards the waiting vehicle.

“I’ll go with him,” John offered.“Say goodbye to Cas and come join us.”

Dean only nodded.

Then it was just him and Cas.

“Cas?” Dean began.“I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“I didn’t do much, Dean,” Cas said.“Mostly I was just there.”

“That was precisely what I needed.”Dean pulled him into a tight hug.“Thank you.”


	11. Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in school, Dean is anxious to let Castiel know how much his support meant. Castiel faces his demons. Sam tries to protect his brother.

_“I’m sorry about your brother.”_

_“Huh?”I blinked, confused, and returned my attention to the woman seated caddy corner from me at the table._

_“Your brother,” she repeated.“I never got to tell you, I was sorry to hear about what happened to him.”She looked down.“I heard he was hurt bad.”_

_“Yeah.”I poked at my meal.“I guess nothing really turns out the way you plan it, does it?”_

_“He gets by,” came from my right.“He wanted to be here.When he finishes tonight, he’ll come straight to the house to visit.”_

_She reached across the table and squeezed his arm.“I just wanted to thank you for this.You made all of this possible!I never thought it would happen.”_

_“It needed to happen,” he insisted, looking over at me.“We’ve all been living in the past in one way or another.The only way we can move on is if we face it.”_

_“Agreed,” I said.My eyes had once again drifted to the shy figure seated across from me.“I know there’s a lot to discuss.But I’m glad we’re finally talking.”_

_He finally looked up, meeting my eyes.Then he smiled, and for the first time, I knew for sure that I’d made the right decision._

***

Dean refused to let Sammy ride the bus to school.He’d anxiously watched as his brother picked at his breakfast without really eating it and spread some extra peanut butter on Sammy’s sandwich.Sammy seemed fine.He didn’t initiate any conversations, or answer much beyond what was required, but he smiled and went through the motions of getting ready for school.Still, his lack of appetite was disturbing.Not even Cas had been able to get Sammy to eat much, despite Sammy’s willingness to do anything else his friend asked.Maybe getting back into a normal routine would help.

The younger Winchester did perk up a bit more on the ride to school in Dean’s baby.He’d even joined Dean singing along with Dean’s cassette tapes.By the time they reached the school, Dean was feeling much more optimistic.Sammy vanished into the building with a backwards wave.Dean followed along at a much more leisurely pace.

At least no one was stupid enough to ask him how he was doing.Dean was sure the fight at the viewing had already made the gossip rounds and was ready to give anyone who brought it up one hell of a tongue lashing.But no one did.Everything was normal.Even Lucifer and Balthazar kept their own council, largely ignoring Dean.But Hannah made a point to pause next to him at his locker and smile at him.Dean smiled back.Hannah, at least, seemed cut at least partially from the same cloth as her youngest brother.

Of course, it was her youngest brother that Dean most wanted to see.

Dean finally got his chance at lunch.Cutting Cas out of the crowd surging towards the cafeteria, he pulled the younger boy into the locker room.Cas frowned at him in concern while Dean switched off the lights and did a quick check to make sure no one had lingered.Coast clear.Perfect.

“Dean, is something wrong?” Cas was saying as Dean returned.

The way Cas was standing, near the lockers, the light from the frosted window was shining down on him from behind.It almost made it seem like Castiel was haloed.“No.Everything’s perfect.”He put his hands on Cas’s shoulders, sliding them down to grip his arms.His biceps certainly didn’t bulge like some of his fellow football players.But Castiel Novak was developing nicely.The muscles under Dean’s hands were small, but firm.Dean tightened his grip slightly.“Cas?” he began.“I want you to know that what you did, helping me and my family?That just confirmed something I already knew.That you are an incredible person.”

“I really didn’t do much, Dean.”

“Just let me finish, ok?” Dean pleaded.“I’ve never told this to anyone before.I was up half the night trying to put the words together.So please just let me say what I have to say before you answer?”

“Alright,” Cas agreed, mystified.

His head was cocked in an adorable fashion as he squinted at Dean.It was obvious that Cas had no idea what he was about to say.Dean wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.Nut up, Winchester.Stick to the script.Except now, looking into the deep oceans of Cas’s eyes, it was getting harder and harder to remember the script he’d carefully worked out last night.“You…You’re amazing,” he managed.“The moment I saw you, I knew that.And I’ll admit, it was your looks that initially attracted me…”

Cas grew stiff.“What?!”

“Let me finish, please!Yes, you’re gorgeous, and that’s why I was originally interested.But it’s so much more than your looks.”Dean took a step closer, smiling as he saw Cas’s eyes grow wide.“It’s your heart, Cas.You’re kind, and you’re generous, and you just give without expecting anything in return!”

“Hannah and I wanted you to have that money,” Cas said quickly.“It’s ours to give, and no real hardship.”

“I’m not talking about the money.Dad noticed it, too.You were there for us in a way no one else dared!Right from the moment you found me, you were there.And you were exactly what I needed, when I needed you most.No one else could reach my brother.You did!And what you did for me?”Dean’s hand gently stroked Cas’s face, sliding back to card into the dark hair.“Do you have any idea how amazing you really are?”

“D-Dean?”Cas was backing away.Fortunately, there wasn’t really anywhere to go.Dean didn’t hold him in place, but Cas was already against the lockers.He was breathing fast, looking at Dean with wide eyes.“Dean, what are you doing?”

“Something I have never done before,” Dean admitted.“Because this is something I’ve never experienced before.”He licked his lips, took a deep breath, and plunged ahead.“I have never felt for anyone else what I feel for you, Cas.I can’t stop thinking about you.Dreaming about you.Imagining how it would feel to touch you.Hold you.Kiss you.Shhh,” he soothed, hearing Cas gasp.“I know it’s kind of sudden.But I really think, I mean, I believe…Oh fuck it, I’m screwing this all up.I love you, Cas.There it is.I’m in love with you.”The more he said it, the easier it became.“I love you,” he whispered.Closing his eyes, he leaned forward for a kiss.

“Get off of me!”

Dean’s lips had barely touched the other boy’s, but Cas was twisting his head away.He was struggling, raising his arms even as he ducked down.Confused, Dean let him go.“Cas, what’s wrong?I love you!”

“You can’t!” Cas exclaimed.“You can’t, Dean!You can’t be gay!You’re the jock, the football star!They said ‘Winchester,’ I assumed it was Sammy, but he’s not gay so they had to be wrong because you can’t be…!”

“I’m gay,” Dean said.“I have been with girls, but that’s not really what I’m interested in.I want guys, not girls.And it’s ok.Whatever stupid bullshit you’ve been taught, it’s alright to feel this way for someone.Love is love, no matter if it’s a guy or a girl.I’m in love with you.And I know that you feel something for me.”

“No,” Cas moaned.He’d dropped to the floor into a ball, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.“No, no, no!”

“Yes.”Dean sat down on the floor next to the other boy, pulling the resisting body into his arms.“It’s ok.There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way!We don’t have to tell anyone if you’re not ready to come out.I love you.I’m willing to wait, to take whatever you’re willing to give me.”

“No, let me go, I can’t!I’m not gay!I’m not gay!”

Cas was thrashing now, shoving at Dean.All of Dean’s instincts were crying out to let him go.But somehow, Dean knew that if he let Cas go now, he might never have another chance.“Castiel, please listen to me!” he pleaded.“I have had a lot of crushes in my time.I had one on you from day one.But you’re the first person I have ever fallen in love with.”

“This isn’t love, it’s sin!”

“There is no sin in loving someone,” Dean insisted.“And I love you.I wish I could take you somewhere far away, somewhere you wouldn’t be afraid like this and can just let yourself feel what I know you’re feeling!But this is the best I can do.Here.This locker room.Just you and me, no one to judge us.”

Cas moaned.His hands shoved against Dean’s chest.“Please let me go?”

“Kiss me.”

“No!”

“One kiss,” Dean insisted.“A real kiss, not just a peck on the cheek.Kiss me just one time.Let yourself feel it.Then, if you can still look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel anything for me?I’ll let you go.I’ll let you walk out of here.I won’t follow you.And I’ll never come after you again.But only if you can kiss me, really kiss me, and not feel anything.Or, if you can’t let yourself try, then let me kiss you?”He hesitated.“Will you let me, Cas?Can I kiss you, just this once?”

Cas froze.He didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either.That was enough.Dean’s heart pounded.He gently turned Cas’s head, forcing the other boy to look at him him.Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas’s.

Cas let out a small cry, but he didn’t pull away.Dean deepened the kiss, moving his hand to the back of Cas’s neck.His other arm went around Cas’s waist, pulling the trembling body against his.This is happening.You’re not dreaming, Dean.It’s Cas, your Cas, finally in your arms.Hold him.Kiss him.Show him how you feel.He’s responding now.He’s kissing you back.His body is relaxing in your arms now.He feels something.You were right.Now he knows you love him.You can make this work.You can have Cas.Keep him.Finally show him just how incredible he really is.

You really need to breathe now.

Dean forced himself to break the kiss.He heard Cas gasp for air just as he himself did.Cas’s hands, caught in the act of trying to push Dean away, were curled against Dean’s chest, gripping at his shirt.His head was bowed as he tried to catch his breath.The dark hair tickled Dean’s nose.Dean breathed him in.He slid the hand on the back of Cas’s neck down, feeling the muscles in Cas’s back.His arm tightened around Cas’s waist.Still panting, Cas raised his head.His eyes were still closed, dark lashes resting against flushed cheeks.“Gorgeous,” Dean whispered.“My god, you look like an angel, Castiel!”

Those eyes.They would never cease to take Dean’s breath away.They did so now as they opened and met Dean’s eyes, blue and wide and moist over trembling lips still wet and swollen from being kissed.His lips parted.Cas was about to say something.Dean leaned forward, anxious to hear what he said.

He was completely shocked when Cas abruptly turned his head and vomited all over the floor of the boys’ locker room.

“Cas!”Dean held him as the other boy’s stomach heaved violently again and again.“Come on, baby, breathe!”

“Let me go,” Cas groaned.“Just let go of me, please!”

Confused, Dean let him go.Cas struggled to get up, moving quickly away from Dean.He doubled over as his stomach heaved once more.“Cas?” Dean called.“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sick.”

“I see that, but why?”

“Sin, Dean!”Those beautiful eyes were hard now as they glared back at Dean.“Because homosexuality is a sin!Because the wages of sin is death!Romans 6 verse 23!”

Dean rocked back on his heels, stung.“Cas?”

“Just leave me alone, Dean!”Cas was wiping his mouth with his sleeve.He was leaving.He was stumbling out the door.

Suddenly Dean was alone, kneeling on a floor surrounded by puke.No, this was not how he’d thought this might go.

***

Castiel slid into his usual seat next to Sam Winchester, his eyes on the other boy.Sam looked up and gave him a smile of welcome that quickly faded.“What’s wrong?”

“I got a little sick in my stomach,” Castiel admitted, “but I’m alright now.”He eyed Sam.“What about you?You seemed a little quiet this morning.I was worried.”

“I’m better.”Sammy smiled at him again.“Thanks in a large part to you.I can’t thank you enough for helping us.You were an amazing friend to me, Cas.I don’t know that anyone else could have done what you did.And my brother?Just being there for Dean was huge.You really helped him!”

Dean.The last thing Castiel wanted to do was think about Dean.Just the memory of the pain in Dean’s voice as he’d called his name that last time was enough to make his stomach rumble again.

Unfortunately, Sam heard it.He frowned.“You said you were sick.Did you eat lunch?”

“No,” Castiel admitted.

“Oh.”Sam looked up, made sure the teacher wasn’t paying attention, and quickly dug something out of his pack.“Here,” he said, handing it to Castiel.“It’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a pear, and a sandwich bag with corn chips.”

“Is this your lunch?”Castiel frowned down at the bag.“What about you?”

“Not hungry.I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately.Besides, based on the way your stomach just growled?It kind of seems like you need it more than I do.”

Castiel accepted the bag warily.He couldn’t deny his own hunger.Still, looking at his friend, Castiel couldn’t help but wonder at the truth of Sam’s words.

***

“Dean!Bring me a beer?”

“Coming, dad!”Dean gave the food another stir, put the lid on the pot.He grabbed a can out of the fridge, replaced it with another, and brought the cold one to his father.

John Winchester was still in his shirt and pants from work.He hadn’t shaved this morning.Dean was probably going to have to help him again tomorrow morning.But at least he’d gone back to work.Still, Dean wasn’t sure how well his father had done at the store.Right now, the man was bleary-eyed as he blinked down at his account books.“Damn it,” he swore.“Mary was always so good at this.Made it look easy.I try to do it and nothing adds up!”

“You’re tired, dad,” Dean soothed.“Supper’s ready.Why don’t you eat and then go watch TV?I’ll take a look after dinner.”

John nodded.He reached for the beer Dean offered and was already taking a drink by the time he got up from his desk.Dean looked at the book he was working on in dismay.His father’s handwriting would never qualify as fine calligraphy.Now, though, Dean could barely make out a single number.He’d have to blot it all out and start over.A job for later.First he had to check on his brother.

Sammy, to his relief, was hard at work on his homework.Dean watched him for a moment from the doorway.“Hey, Dean,” Sammy called without turning around.“You need some help with dinner?”

“Nah, I actually came to get you to eat.”Dean stepped into the room and moved to peer over Sammy’s shoulder.“Look at you, almost caught up already!I’m not even halfway through the work I missed.”

“How could you be?You’ve done nothing but look after everyone else.”Sammy put down his pen and turned to look up at his brother.“Dean, you’ve been working yourself into the ground.Cas being here helped.This morning you seemed good, but now you’re worse again.You didn’t say a single word on the ride home.What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Dean lied.He mussed his brother’s hair.“Just come and eat.”

Sammy’s eyes narrowed.“Don’t lie to me.Something happened, didn’t it?”

“Nothing to worry yourself about.”

“Was it Cas’s brothers?Are they giving you shit?”

Dean frowned.“Cas’s brothers?Why would they give me any shit?”

Sammy smiled.“Just making sure there wasn’t any fallout from that day at the pond.”

Dean scoffed.“They want a piece of me, they’re welcome to try.”

Immediately, Sam’s smile was gone.“Dean, be careful with them,” he warned.“They’re bad news, like, really bad news!I’ve been hearing things.Those joints they had?That’s only the tip of the iceberg with them.They’ve got connections from out of state.The rumor is that they’re selling and using some seriously hard stuff.They’re dangerous, Dean!”

“Dangerous?”Dean frowned at his brother.“Sam, if those two assholes want to come after me, they’d better be dangerous.Otherwise, I’ll mop the floor with either one of them that wants to try.”

“Just be careful, ok?”Sam was pleading now.“Please, Dean?Right now especially, you’re all we’ve got.”

That hit harder than Sammy probably intended.Upset, Dean moved to his brother and wrapped his arms around him.He frowned.“Sammy, you’re losing weight.You gotta start eating better, ok?”

“Alright.”Sammy patted the arms around his shoulders.“Dean, thanks for making dinner.I’ll do dishes tonight and you can get caught up on your homework.”

“Deal.”Dean mussed the shaggy hair, earning himself a grumble of protest.“Now come eat.And this time, do me a favor and actually eat?Getting tired of you not appreciating my fine cooking.”

Something crossed over Sammy’s face for a moment.Then it was gone, the shadow washed out in the light of his smile.“Learn to spice properly and maybe I’ll eat more.You’re way too fond of pepper!”

“Then you’re in luck.No pepper in the meal tonight.”

“Then I guess I’ll be cleaning my plate!”

Dean smiled back, watching as his brother went to wash his hands.Sammy, he vowed, would clean his plate tonight.If he didn’t there was going to be a fight.Dean had enough to deal with.The last thing he needed was his brother being picky.

***

“I threw up again,” Castiel admitted.“I can’t seem to keep anything down.I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you done your devotions?”

“Yes.”

“Then all you need to do is lie down, stop fighting, and let the spirit of God move you.”The voice of his doctor sounded sure over the phone, reassuring as always.Of course he did.The man was a true believer in what he taught those under his care.“Your body is purging itself just as your immortal soul needs to do.You need to let it happen, Castiel.Now this boy, this Dean.Have you told your father about him?”

“No,” Castiel admitted.“Dad and Dean’s father, they’ve had words, even gotten physical.I’m afraid that if I tell him what happened, things will get worse.This isn’t my father’s sin.It’s my own.”

“That’s a very healthy and mature attitude!” the doctor praised.“I know that if you hold true to your beliefs and your teachings?That if you don’t allow this other boy to pull you into another secluded area?You’re strong enough to get through this.Calling me tonight was the best thing you could have done.”

“Thank you for calling me back so quickly.”

“Of course.I already told your father that I would make myself or one of my counselors available any time you needed.If I can’t answer your call, then someone else will.But for you, I will do my best to answer in person.”

“Thank you.”

The darker, sinister side of Castiel wondered about this.Dr. Crowley nearly always answered Castiel’s calls himself.The doctor had taken extra time out of his schedule to personally speak to Castiel while he’d been under his care.And when he’d asked around, Castiel had learned that few others had received this type of personalized treatment.It had confused Castiel, right until he’d learned that the other boys who’d been singled out for special treatment had also come from wealthy families.His father had insisted that money had nothing to do with it.But sometimes, especially when his heart was bitter, Castiel wasn’t so sure.

“Dr. Crowley, I have a question,” Castiel said aloud.“The treatments that I got in the camp.That’s what’s making me sick now, isn’t it?”

“No.The sin itself is making you sick.”

“But you made me watch those movies,” Castiel recalled.“I got so sick, and you and the counselors kept telling me it was my sin.But why did I get so sick?You gave me lots of pills while I was there.Were you giving me something that made me sick before you made me watch those movies?”

“Of course not!You were sick because your spirit was cleansing itself of the wickedness of your sin!If it was anything else, you would have been sick all the time, not just when you watched the movies.Castiel, this is dangerous thinking,” Dr. Crowley warned.“I’m very concerned.This boy Dean has affected you far more than Bill did.Perhaps you should come back to the camp?”

“No!”Castiel’s grip on the phone grew white-knuckled.“No, please, I don’t need to go back.Please don’t tell my father to send me back!I can handle this.I just needed you to remind me that I’m strong enough to resist temptation.”

“And you are.”Once again, Dr. Crowley’s voice was strong and sure.“But you mustn’t think of the camp as punishment.We saved you from your sin once.And if you should fall again, then we are there, waiting in love, to save you once again.God’s capacity to forgive is infinite.And so is ours.”

Of course.Castiel forced himself to relax, to let some of the tension out of his muscles.“Thank you, doctor.You’ve helped.”

“Call again, any time you need to talk.”

“I will.”

Castiel hung up, feeling much better.What had happened with Dean wouldn’t happen again.Castiel just had to make sure that Dean couldn’t get him alone, couldn’t corner him and tempt his weak heart to sin.He could do this.

***

Sam finished brushing his teeth and rinsed out his mouth.Drying his face with a towel, he paused, staring at his reflection.He glanced over at the bathroom door.Locked.Good.

Reaching down, he lifted up his shirt.There weren’t many bruises, but they were dark, obvious.The bruises on his stomach made him wince when he gingerly poked at them.Of course those were the obvious injuries.Balth had other interests other than just beating him.He was fond of holding Sam down, twisting his wrist or arm, even holding a hand over Sam’s mouth and nose until he was desperate and pleading for him to stop.Then he would laugh and beat Sam.Balthazar had caught Sam in the hall and carried him back into the music room at lunch.Sam had seen him coming.He’d barely struggled.The music room was down the hall from the noisy cafeteria.The larger boy had told him that no one would hear him if he cried.He had.The bullying had brought tears to Sam’s eyes, tears of pain he had no control over.Balth had mocked him for them anyway.

“What’s the matter, little fairy?” Balth had said as he’d twisted Sam’s wrist, driving the smaller boy to his knees.“Did you really think you were going to get a break just because mommy died?Oh no, I’ve been waiting for my little toy to come back so I could play with him.And after the shit your dad pulled, well, I’ve got a lot of frustration to burn off.”

Suspecting something like this would happen, Sam had worn long sleeves despite the warmth of the day.They’d served to hide the marks of Balthazar’s fingers on his arms, the bruises on his ribs and stomach.Good.Now all he had to do was keep them hidden from his brother.

“Dean!”

“Coming, dad!”

Sam let his shirt drop and clutched angrily at the sink.Dean had so much on his shoulders now.It wasn’t fair.Sam couldn’t blame their father, but at the same time, John’s decision to let himself fall apart infuriated him.Couldn’t the man see the way Dean’s eyes had dark hollows under them?How he was brushing aside his homework or his own needs, taking over the cooking and most of the housework?Sam jumped in wherever he could, but it seemed like the lion’s share always went to Dean.And now here was their father, calling for the son he’d left to act as father in his stead to bring him another drink.

Their father always drank.But he’d never drank like this.

With a sigh, Sam pulled his shirt back into place, covering all the marks.He couldn’t do anything for his father.The best he could do for his brother was try to help him.Sam would take over as much of the housework as he could.And he’d talk to Castiel.Something had happened at school today that had taken what little light there was left out of his brother’s eyes.And something told Sam that Castiel Novak was involved.


	12. Normal Relations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is eager to go back to how things were, but Sam wants answers. Dean shares a pear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song from MistyEyes for this chapter is "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel

Dean, it seemed, was content to let things stand.Castiel seemed to encounter him constantly in the halls.The popular football player was always surrounded by people who all seemed to be vying for his attention.Dean was always smiling and pleasant.But every time their eyes would meet, the sadness in those emerald depths would make Castiel’s stomach churn.At least Dean didn’t say anything.The elder Winchester had clearly decided to give Castiel his space.

The younger Winchester was a very different story.“What happened between you and Dean?” was the first thing Sam said to Castiel during homeroom.

“Hello to you, too,” Castiel grumbled.“Why, what did Dean say?”

“Nothing.But he’s too quiet and you both look like your pet dog just got hit by a car.That’s why I know something happened.So tell me what it is.”Sam leaned closer.“Talk to me at lunch, ok?”

Castiel immediately decided to skip lunch.When the time came, he ducked away from the crowd, trying to simultaneously watch for both Winchesters and any nosey teachers that might want to know why he wasn’t going into the cafeteria.Reaching the boys’ room, he quickly ducked inside.

Mistake.Lucifer and Balthazar were here with a few other boys.Small plastic pouches were being exchanged for money.Luci looked up and frowned.“Beat it, Cassie!”

“Sorry!”Castiel quickly ducked out, trying to keep calm.He’d heard the rumors about his brothers selling drugs, but hadn’t believed it.Now that he’d seen proof, what was he supposed to do?Call the cops and report his own brothers?While the idea had merit, especially if it resulted in help with his brothers’ growing addictions, all Castiel had to do was imagine the look on their father’s face to realize what an exceptionally bad idea it was.Things at their home were already tense enough.They’d already had to move because of him.Now he was finally in a place he liked, finally had friends he still wanted to keep if it was at all possible.No.He couldn’t say anything.He’d just have to keep his opinions to himself and his mouth shut.Best advice all around.

Looking around, Castiel assessed his options.The locker room he initially dismissed.He couldn’t bring himself to go and hide in there.But as his eyes lingered, he remembered that the locker room had a door leading out to the outdoor sporting areas.That was an idea.It was risky, of course.If he was spotted out there, he’d get detention for sure.Still, as the hallway cleared, the fact that he wasn’t going into the cafeteria was becoming more and more obvious.Alright.

Castiel quickly darted into the locker room.He intentionally didn’t look at the row of lockers where he’d shared that fatal kiss with Dean Winchester.Instead he hurried through to the other set of doors.Reaching them, he headed outside, quickly ducking around the side of the building and into an alcove.

Dean Winchester was standing in the alcove.“Ope!” Dean exclaimed as Castiel charged into him.“Careful!”

Castiel froze, staring in surprise at Dean.Dean looked every bit as surprised.But his lips curled into a welcoming smile.“Hey, Cas!You needed a little fresh air?”

“I um…”Castiel was at a loss for words.“Sorry.I didn’t realize anyone was out here.I thought I was alone.”

“Yeah, that’s usually the point of coming out here.”Dean waved a hand, gesturing for Castiel to join him in the alcove.“Come on, Cas.I don’t want things to be weird between us.We had a good thing before I fucked it all up, right?Can we at least talk about what happened?”

The last thing Castiel wanted to do was talk about what had happened.But he found he couldn’t look away from Dean’s eyes.The sadness there, the quiet resignation, tugged at him.Before he knew it, Castiel found himself nodding, moving to join Dean.

Dean gave him a shy smile.“You don’t have a lunch.You’re not eating today?”

“Not really hungry,” Castiel lied.“What about you?You don’t seem to have a lunch either.Aren’t you hungry?”

“I’m hungry, actually,” Dean admitted.“But we’re running a bit low on groceries, so I’m making do with this.”He held up a pear.“You want half?”

“Dean, you’re out of groceries again?!”That upset Castiel.

Dean shrugged.“Times are tough all around.Now, are we sharing this pear?I can hear your stomach growling, Cas.Come on, I promise I don’t have a cold.”

“If you do, it’s a little late to worry about it now, isn’t it?”

Castiel couldn’t believe the words had just left his mouth.He looked up in dismay, but Dean was laughing.“Yeah, I guess you’re right, aren’t you?And I suppose that’s as good a place as any to start.”Dean bit into the pear and handed it to Castiel.He chewed, watching as Castiel reluctantly bit into the pear.“Cas, I’m sorry.Losing mom the way we did?That sent all of us right back on our heels.I really don’t think I could have gotten through it if you hadn’t been there.What you did, especially for Sammy?I think we both fell in love with you.”

Castiel’s head snapped up.“You said Sammy isn’t gay!”

“He’s not.But he loves you all the same.Listen, after what you did for us?Sammy pretty much looks at you as another brother.We both fell in love with you, just not in the same way.Although I’d be proud to have you as a brother, too.”

Why did that feel so good?Why did it make Castiel feel so warm inside?Why did it make him search Dean’s eyes, searching for any hint of deception?And why did it feel even better when he saw nothing but warm honesty there?“Thank you,” he said, shyly handing the pear back to Dean.

Dean took another bite, handing it back to Castiel.“Anyway,” he said after he finished with his mouthful, “I’m glad I got to see you.I’ve been trying to figure out a tactful way to pull you aside and talk to you.I owe you a huge apology.”

Castiel bit into the pear, grateful for an excuse not to answer.

“Sammy makes fun of me,” Dean admitted.“I like to believe that I can tell when another guy’s interested.Sammy calls it ‘Gaydar’ and enjoys pointing out all the times I was dead wrong.So I imagine he’d have a field day over this one.”Dean stared at the ground, rubbing at the back of his neck.“I really thought that you and I, that we, I mean, well, I’m sorry.I let myself believe something was there that wasn’t.Now, I can’t help how I feel about you, Cas.I won’t lie and say things aren’t going to be awkward for a while.But I wasn’t lying, or just trying to talk my way into your pants or anything in that locker room.I honestly fell in love with you.”

Suddenly the sweet pear Castiel was eating tasted like ashes.He swallowed hard, trying to control his churning stomach.“Dean…”

“I know.”Dean’s voice was soft.He was staring at the ground.“I understand, believe me.I’ve had guys punch me before for making a pass at them.But that was the first time I kissed a guy and had him throw up all over the place!That was, um, memorable?And a pretty damned clear indication of where we stand on things.That’s ok.I can live with that.But I want you in my life.Can we still be friends?”

“Ok.”

Castiel was surprised at how quickly the word had left his mouth.Before his eyes, he saw the tension drain out of Dean’s body.“Thank you!” Dean exclaimed.“Thank you so much!”

“It’s ok.I want our friendship, too.If you’re willing to move on, then so am I.”

Dean accepted the pear, took another bite, and returned the remainder to Castiel.“I just have one favor to ask of you.Well, two.Two favors, and it’s totally up to you if you’ll do them or not.I won’t pressure you.”

Castiel had taken the last bite of fruit.He looked up, chewing, and cocked an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean took the remains of the pear from his hand and expertly tossed it into a waste can.He licked his lips.His tongue gathered up a tiny piece of fruit stuck to the tip of his upper lip, flicking it into his mouth.Castiel watched, mesmerized, and nearly missed what Dean was saying.

“First, I want us to both promise, right here and now, that we won’t hold what happened against each other,” Dean began.“I want what we had, the three of us, you and me and Sammy.I want you to keep being a part of our family, without fear that I’ll get jealous of you being with someone else or you’ll feel awkward being alone with me.If you can’t promise me that, then at least Sammy…?”

“Dean, all I want is for things to go back to the way they were!” Castiel exclaimed.“I never really had friends before you and Sammy.I think if we can stand here now and talk about this like adults, share a pear together, then we can just be friends again!”

Dean’s face broke into a beautiful smile.The effect was dazzling.Castiel smiled back but frowned when Dean refused to meet his eyes.“Dean?What’s the second favor?”

Dean shifted his weight.“Yeah, I don’t know how you’ll react to this one, especially after I just told you I didn’t want you to feel awkward around me.”

“What is it?”

Dean seemed to brace.His chest rose as he took a deep breath.“I’m in love with you.That’s not something that’s going to change overnight.I swear that I won’t act on it, won’t pressure you or try to make you feel guilty.But I need one thing from you.Just a little closure so I can get used to the idea that this is never going to happen and I need to move on.”

Now Castiel was bracing.“Alright?”

“I want to hold you,” Dean blurted.“Just once.I promise I won’t try to kiss you again, or, you know, cop a feel or anything.I just want to hold you, just one more time.After that, I promise I’ll try to move on and won’t press you for anything more.”

“H-hold me?!”

Dean’s shoulders drooped.“I get it if you’re too uncomfortable.I know I have no right to ask it of you.It’s just that I have never felt this way about anyone.I don’t want my last memory of being with you to be you puking all over the floor, ok?So I thought, if I could have just one good memory?Then maybe I could move on easier?”He shook his head.“Forget it.”

“Ok.”

Dean looked up in surprise.“Ok?”

Castiel had wrapped his arms around himself.He unwrapped them, clasped his hands behind his back, let them fall to his sides, and finally shoved them into his pockets.“If I let you hold me, you think you could move on?”

“I think it would help?”

The hopeful look on Dean’s face was doing things to him.Castiel scratched at his own cheek anxiously.“I don’t want things to be weird between us.I want us to be friends again.If this will help us to go back to the way it was before?Then yeah.You can hold me.”

Dean’s entire being seemed to light up.“Cas, thank you!Thank you so much!”

Castiel smiled.But it quickly faded as Dean eagerly stepped closer, reaching for him.Dean noticed and stilled.“Are you sure about this?I don’t want you doing something you’re not really comfortable with just for the sake of keeping the peace.”

“I’m ok.”To prove it, he forced himself to take a tentative step towards Dean.

Dean was quick to close the gap between them.A moment later, strong arms were around Castiel.He was pulled close, held tightly against a firm, muscular chest.One arm held him around his waist.The other moved up to his hair.Dean’s fingers carded into it, gently pushing Castiel’s head forward until his face was nestled against Dean’s neck beneath his chin.

Dean was all he could see, all he could feel.At some point when Dean was pulling him in, Castiel had instinctively raised both of his hands.Now they were caught between their bodies.His palms rested flat against Dean’s abdomen.Dean’s arms were so strong.They held him tight, pulling him against Dean.Castiel had no idea if he could get away if he tried.

For his part, Dean seemed to be trying to hold Castiel as close as he possibly could, to the point where his grip was just shy of being uncomfortable.Dean’s head dipped down.His face lowered into Castiel’s neck.There, he breathed deeply.He’s breathing me in, Castiel thought.He’s taking me in as much as he can.That’s what he really wants.To take me in.To keep me in his memories as much as he can.Why?What could he possibly see in me?I’m nothing special, but he acts like he’s about to lose forever something that’s infinitely precious!

“Thank you,” Dean was whispering.“Thank you, Cas.You’re an angel.”

An angel?An angel was the last thing Castiel was.His hands curled, his fingers clutching at Dean’s shirt.

“Ah, shit, sorry.”Dean must have felt Castiel’s hands move, believed he wanted freed.He was letting go.His fingers were untangling from Castiel’s hair.The pressure around him suddenly eased.Then cool air like a shock as Dean stepped back, removing the heat of his body.

Castiel took a deep breath.He looked at Dean and saw Dean looking anxiously back at him.“You ok?That wasn’t too much, was it?”

“No, it’s ok.I’m alright.”He wasn’t alright.He was anything but alright.

But Dean wasn’t alright either.Before his eyes, Dean’s facade was crumbling.What was underneath was broken and desperately lonely.But Dean refused to give in.He forced a smile that never came close to looking real.“It’s an away game this Friday,” he said.Even his voice seemed about to break.“No dance.I don’t imagine you’ll be able to come to that.Saturday, Sammy and I are both working because dad’s got a hunt to guide.But you’re welcome to stop by the store, say hello?I know Sammy would appreciate it.”

And you, Dean?Would you appreciate it, if I stopped by your store to say hello?Not trusting himself to speak, Castiel only nodded.

Dean nodded back.“See you later, Cas,” he called.Then he was leaving, moving quickly past Castiel.His hands were shoved in his pockets.His head was down.Were his shoulders shaking?Was Dean Winchester actually crying?Why?

Castiel didn’t understand.He couldn’t understand.It didn’t make sense.Why did Dean feel so strongly for a nobody like him?Worse, how could he, Castiel, go on, continue like this, after he’d seen exactly what it was he’d done to this incredible boy?

Castiel moved as if in a daze.He only snapped out of it when he became aware of a pair of hurt hazel eyes looking hard at him.“Sammy?”

“You skipped out on me at lunch,” Sammy accused.“I don’t appreciate you giving me the runaround, ok?”

Castiel winced.“I did,” he admitted.“But it’s because I was talking to Dean.”

Now he had the other boy’s attention.Sam’s ears seemed to prick up.“And?Did you two work out whatever it was that happened between you?”

“I think so.”Castiel smiled.“It’s an away game this Friday.No dance.And you two have to work at your dad’s store all weekend, right?So I wondered, would you mind if I stopped by, maybe on Saturday, and said hello?”

Sam wasn’t Dean.But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still beautiful when his face lit up.“Yeah, Cas!Yeah, that would be great!I’d love to show you the store!”

After that, things were better.Castiel even dared to take up the Winchesters on their offer to drive him home, rather than joining his siblings to wait for their father’s car.He caught a look from Lucifer as he climbed into the Impala, but pretended not to notice.The Winchesters seemed oblivious.Dean was smiling and laughing as usual.Sammy was grumbling about being once again regulated to the back seat.And Castiel dared to hope that the worst was over.He could do this.He could be friends with the Winchesters.Now that he and Dean had moved past that awful awkward moment, he could pretend that he didn’t even know about Dean’s perversion.Friends.That was all.Castiel could be content like that.

At least he could while he was awake.At night, Dean haunted his dreams with the memory of strong arms, warm breaths, and passionate kisses.


	13. Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends some time with Benny, who's got an offer for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for slight dub-con

The away game wasn’t memorable, but Dean’s knee ached.He rubbed it, frowning.He’d injured the knee his sophomore year and ended up benched for half the season.Tonight he’d fallen on it.Now it was swollen.Not good.He’d have to ice it when he got home.

Dean rubbed it impatiently as he waited.Sammy had told him just before they’d boarded the buses that he was going with another cheerleader tonight for some reason or another.She’d be taking him home.Dean, mindful of gas money, had left his baby at home, enduring the school bus with Sammy to get them to school, going with the animals to eat, and then getting on the team bus for the away game.Dean had planned some excuse about a stomach bug to explain why he wasn’t eating, but no one asked.Instead, Uriel had wordlessly plopped a burger in front of Dean with a side of fries and a large pop.He hadn’t even stuck around for a thank you.Instead, the safety had immediately gone back to his table with his friends in the defensive line.Dean had wisely kept his mouth shut.

Sammy had money, of course.Dean made sure of that.But to his dismay, his brother hadn’t ordered anything but a small chocolate milkshake.He was a ball of energy, holding court among the cheerleaders, talking nonstop.The girls seemed to appreciate it.Oh well.At least Sammy was eating something.

Dean let himself enjoy his dinner and tried hard not to think about the conversation he was going to have with his father.Dean had taken the money he’d been given for beer and instead brought a few grocery items.He’d given the rest to Sam for dinner tonight.He’d already tried to explain the grocery situation.John had waved his concerns aside, announced they’d “manage,” and shoved the money at Dean, telling him to get more beer.Dean wasn’t sure exactly where the money had even come from.Didn’t matter.The old man’s drinking was out of hand.Now was as good of a time as any to have that out.

Unfortunately, it seemed the conversation was going to be delayed.John was supposed to pick him up.Dean had expected his father’s battered pick-up to be waiting in the school parking lot when the team bus pulled in.But that wasn’t the case.Troubled, Dean had watched as his teammates departed, leaving him standing alone with his equipment.He pulled out his cell phone and called his father.He tried both the home number and his father’s cell phone.No answer.Not good.John would have come home from work tonight and discovered Dean hadn’t brought any beer.That was the only reason Dean felt safe to let his father drive them.But what had happened when John realized what he’d done?Was John upset?Was this how he was punishing Dean, by making him walk a few miles in the dark to get home?

Dean looked up, grimacing as the first drops of rain splashed into his face.Perfect.The rain had been falling off and on during the game, resulting in the wet patch of mud Dean had slipped in.If he had to walk home on his already-swollen knee it was going to be bad enough.Rain was just adding insult to injury.“Son of a bitch!”

“What’s the matter, Winchester?”Benny, pulling up in his rust bucket of a Civic.“You get stood up?”

“Yeah, I think my dad’s pissed off at me,” Dean admitted.“Can I hitch a ride?”

“Sure, if you don’t mind a side trip.”Benny was already pushing the passenger door open.“I gotta stop and check on one of dad’s buildings.Druggies took out one of the cameras.That ok?”

“Sure!”

Benny’s father owned a security company that looked after various properties, mostly storage facilities, business interests and construction sites.Most of the storage facilities were owned by the Lafittes, who took pride in the fact they hadn’t been successfully burglarized in five years.“Say, any chance your dad might need an extra guy?” Dean ventured.“I could use some extra income.”

“Actually, yes.Dad just canned a guy for showing up to work drunk, so we’ve got hours if you want ‘em.It’ll keep you out late on school nights, but it’s usually pretty easy and the pay’s decent.You interested?”

“Hell yes!”

“Great!Uniforms will come out of your first pay, though, so you know.Hope that’s not a problem?”

“That’s ok.”That was a problem, but Dean would manage.

Benny, it seemed, had something on his mind.“Dean, the animals have been talking,” he began.“We’re all worried about you and Sammy.Every day this week, you’ve skipped lunch.Hell, half the time you don’t even bring anything!Sammy’s always got something, but he usually gives it away.”

“He does?!”That was news to Dean.

“Yeah, brother, he does.You’re both losing weight.Everyone’s seeing it.Of course, if tonight’s any indication, that’s not affecting Sam’s game so much.”

“What do you mean?”

Benny looked over and laughed.“Dean, baby brother’s getting lucky tonight!And it’s the second time this week, two different girls from the cheer squad.What did you think he was doing tonight?”

“Oh.”Dean felt stupid.With a pang, he realized that he still thought of Sammy as a kid.He hadn’t even considered what, exactly, his brother might be doing going home with a cheerleader after an away game.In hindsight it was obvious.Well, good for Sammy.Maybe that would help him get back to normalcy.Dean made a mental note to make sure to ask his brother if he needed condoms.

Benny was pulling into the parking lot of what was clearly a storage facility.His headlights illuminated a couple of startled teens.Swearing, he slammed his car into park and was out and yelling after the fleeing pair.“Fucking druggies!” he cursed.“This shit is getting worse and worse.Drugs are coming out here from the city like you wouldn’t believe!In a few years, if this keeps up, this town will be a hellhole.You got a concealed carry, Dean?”

“Dude, I’m only 18!” Dean reminded.“You can’t have a concealed carry until you’re 21.”

“That’s bullshit.You’re going into the Marines!They’re giving you an automatic rifle, and they won’t let you carry a pistol to defend yourself against these fuckers?Ah, whatever, just bring a shotgun.A little rock salt will put paid to most of these pricks.But you gotta be careful, though.Dad said someone pulled a knife on him earlier this week.”

“No shit?!”

“Yeah.Don’t worry, we can handle ourselves, especially around stoned-ass motherfuckers who think having a knife makes them men.Dad beat the shit out of the guy and the cops hauled off what was left of him, but it was still scary.We were actually talking about getting permits.Didn’t know about the 21 thing.Shit.”Benny irritably slammed the door.“Bring a shotgun, then.Guess I’ll be coming around your store and getting myself a shotgun of my own.Dad’s going to need his.Be careful when you start, Dean.This is the worst it’s been in years and it’s only getting worse.”

That was concerning.Dean followed his friend, watching as Benny cursed and stomped angrily on the barrel of a syringe and a spoon with scorch marks.Benny gingerly gathered the bits, being extra careful with the needle, and tossed them into a dumpster.Then he moved to unlock the door.“C’mon, Dean.Just need to do a quick walk-through, make sure those druggie assholes didn’t get inside or do any damage.

Dean followed.He kept close to his friend, his senses alert as Benny made his rounds of the building.Dean had, for some reason, been picturing Benny moving through a scary dark warehouse with a flashlight.Instead, his friend simply turned on the lights, checked each area, and moved on.Well, what did he expect? Dean told himself.This was a security job, not a spy thriller!

“You still thinking about becoming a cop when you get out of the service?” Benny was asking.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.“That’s the plan, police academy right out of the Marines.Figure if I play my cards right?I can make detective by the time I’m in my 30’s.”

“Oh, aren’t you ambitious?And here all I want to do is take over the family business!”Benny seemed to have completed his sweep of the building, but for some reason he was heading towards one of the areas they’d already checked rather than the door.“Then you get some handcuffs, right?”

Dean rolled his eyes.“So not into that, Benny.”

“Not even with Novak?”Benny grinned, nodding back at Dean.“Yeah, that went straight to your dick, didn’t it?”

“I’m not into bondage,” Dean protested.“That’s you, you kinky bastard.”

“Only with you,” Benny argued.“Andrea’s not into it either.I keep hoping she’ll change her mind.”

“I won’t.I hated it when you tied me up.I told you that.”

“Bullshit.You said you’d try it.”

“Yeah, I tried it.I let you tie my hands to your bedposts, didn’t I?”

Benny gave a little moan.“Damn, that was hot!The way you squirmed around, and the noises you made?That was one of the best fucks I have ever had in my life!Don’t know why you won’t do it again.”

“Because you wouldn’t let me go, you cock!”

“You didn’t give it a chance, Dean.You wanted loose before we even started!Soon as I had your hands tied, you were all, ‘Ok, enough, let me go,’ and I hadn’t even touched you yet!”

“Because I didn’t like it!If I hadn’t been so damned horny I would have kicked your ass as soon as I was loose.”

“Eh, you enjoyed it in the end.We both came like champs.Just took a bit to warm you up.”

“Yeah, that’s because I wasn’t into it!”Dean moodily followed his friend as Benny headed into a room they’d already checked.“But I’m definitely into Cas.Too bad he doesn’t bat for my team.”

“You serious?!Aw, sorry!You really liked that one.”

“More than liked.”

Benny looked hard at him.“Holy shit, Winchester, did you fall in love?!”

“Head over heels,” Dean admitted.“I fucking told him that, Benny, and kissed him in the locker room.”

“He didn’t take it well?”

“He puked all over the floor.”

“Damn, brother!I would have pegged him as a closet case.”

“Apparently not.You know he actually quoted a Bible verse at me?”

“Like father like son, huh?”Benny shook his head sadly.“But even so, I can’t say shit about the guy.After your mom?I had no idea what to say or how to act around you, so I just kept my head low.Novak’s the only one who was there for you.That puts him pretty damned high in my book.A lot higher than I am.”He made a disgusted sound.“I’m a pretty shitty best friend."

“I got it then, and I get it now,” Dean sighed.“You lost her, too.I know how important my mom was to you, Benny.”

“She was,” Benny agreed.“At least Novak had the balls I didn’t.I’m glad someone was there for you.”

“Me, too.Too bad I got confused and thought he was offering me more.”He shrugged.“Wishful thinking, I suppose.”

They’d entered a room containing multiple large crates stacked up.Benny paused next to a lone crate and spread his arms.“Bring it in, man, that really sucks.”

Dean stepped in, accepting the hug from his friend.He was completely surprised when Benny suddenly pushed him back against the crate and latched onto his mouth.“Benny, what the fuck?!” he exclaimed, shoving the other boy away.“Get off me!”

“Need you, brother.”Benny’s hands seized Dean’s letter jacket, pulling it partway down his arms.He turned Dean around until he was facing the crate and pushed him forward.Now Dean’s arms were caught in the sleeves of his jacket.“Come on, we both got thrown over by the ones we really want, so let’s get together.”

Dean struggled.The bastard had twisted his jacket, pulling the sleeves tight.He couldn’t free his arms.“Oh for…!What the hell did you do to Andrea this time?!”

“Forgot her birthday,” Benny admitted.“I remembered at the last minute, ran to the store and grabbed a card and flowers.Then I took her out to eat.I would have gotten away with it if I hadn’t accidentally grabbed her a birthday card that said ‘To a wonderful mom.’She threw her drink in my face and stormed out.”

“Benny, you colossal fuck-up!”Dean struggled to get free from his jacket.Benny’s hand was under Dean’s shirt, pawing at him despite Dean’s efforts to squirm away.“Come on, get off of me before you add to it.I want to go home.”

“You don’t stop struggling, you’re looking at a long, wet walk on that bum knee.”

“Really, Benny?Really?Are you seriously giving me the ‘put out or get out’ line now?”

“That gonna get you to shut up and bend over?”

“That’s going to get you punched in the face!”

“Then no.”Benny leaned into Dean, pressing him down so Dean’s upper body was against the crate.He pinned Dean’s jacket and his trapped arms between their bodies.Then Benny’s hands slid down Dean’s abdomen to undo his pants and slip inside.“My god, you’re so hot, Dean!”

Dean sighed in irritation.“Benny, get the hell off of me!As you may have just noticed, I am so not in the mood for this right now.”

“Don’t care.”

“What, are you raping me now?!”

“Maybe?”

Dean groaned.“You’re such an asshole, Lafitte!Besides, it’s my turn to be on top.Let me loose.”

“Yeah, you can top the next two times.Right now, I’m too turned on feeling you squirm under me.You’re bottom tonight.”

“Fuck you!”

“Planning on it.”

Benny’s hand was wrapped around Dean.His other hand caught Dean’s chin, turning his face for a hard kiss as he squeezed just so.Dean moaned.“On my god, I fucking hate you so much right now!”

“Why should Sammy be the only one getting laid tonight?”

“Benny, you…Oh fuck…Come on, I don’t wanna do this!Get off of me and let me loose!”

Benny’s hand continued to work.His efforts were having the desired effect.Dean pushed against the crate, hoping for some room to squirm free.But Benny was using his weight to keep him pinned.Dean’s arms were still caught.His head was held by the hand on his chin.Benny’s mouth was moving on Dean’s neck just the way Dean liked.The hand on Dean’s cock stroked, and Dean whimpered.

“What if I promise to get you off first?” Benny mumbled against his neck.“Can I have you then?”A lick, making Dean shiver.“Come on, brother, we both need this.”

Dean moaned again.“Oh, you son of a bitch!Let my arms out of this jacket.I’m not letting you fuck me with my hands trapped.And you better have lube and condoms!”

“In my pocket.”He finally let Dean up.

Dean shot him a glare as he pulled his arms free.“Did you plan this?!”

“No, dumbass, how the hell could I have known your daddy would get pissed off at you and leave you to walk home in the rain on your bad knee?I had ‘em for Andrea.For reasons that are probably clear now, I didn’t get to use them.Now am I getting to use them on you, or not?”

Dean threw his jacket in Benny’s face.“Yeah, yeah, you knew I wasn’t going to say no forever.”

Benny was already pulling off his own letter jacket.“Yup.We both need this.Now stop your bitching, get that fucking shirt off so I can see how sexy you are, and lie back down like you were.I’ma fuck your brains out right into this crate!”

“Why the hell do I put up with this?” Dean complained, pulling off his shirt and relaxing against the crate.

“Because you know I’ll make you feel so good you forget all the rest of the shit in your life right now.Because you need it.And because I love you.”Benny was already pulling down Dean’s pants.“Yeah, that’s it.That’s why I love you, Winchester.You’re a great friend and a great fuck all in one convenient package!”

“Just shut up and get inside me.And I swear if you don’t get me off first, I’m punching you.”

Benny was skilled.Dean didn’t punch him.And it did help.Dean’s mind had already gone to his friend as a way to ease the pain of Castiel’s rejection.The two of them never were intimate when either was in a relationship.But now that both of them were hurt and alone, at least they could turn to each other.

***

By the time Benny dropped him off at his house, Dean’s spirits were greatly improved.Despite his protests, Benny had forced an uncomfortably large wad of cash into his pocket.“Consider it payment for services rendered if you want, but you’re taking this money or I’m shoving it up your ass.We both know you need it.”

Dean accepted the money, trying not to show his emotions.“You calling me a whore?” he called with false irritation.

“I’m calling you the best god damned friend I have ever had and likely ever will have in my life,” Benny announced.“I would take a bullet for you in a hot minute.Now, you’re going through some real shit here.I know what’s going on with your dad.I’m worried about how it’s affecting Sammy, and I see the strain it’s taking on you.I’m telling you right now.Call me, anytime, day or night.I don’t care if you need money, a good lay, or just someone to talk to, call me.I’m fucking serious, Dean.You need help burying a body?I’m there.”

Dean looked hard at his friend, trying to speak around the lump in his throat.Finally he settled for lunging forward and grabbing Benny’s head, kissing him roughly.“I love you.I fucking love you, Benny.”

“I love you too, you sexy bitch.If Kansas ever legalizes gay marriage and we’re both still alone?I’m going gay and marrying you.”

“Is that a proposal?”

“Yes?”

“I accept.Congratulations, now we’re engaged.”

“You ain’t getting a ring,” Benny warned, frowning.

“How about a cock ring?”

“Now you’re talking!”Benny playfully shoved him away.“Now you better find yourself a boyfriend so you’re not stuck with my sorry ass.”

“I’ll do my best.”Dean chuckled.“You are going to have to seriously work at making amends with Andrea this time, Benny.I suggest groveling, gifts, maybe some cunnilingus?”

“Already planning all of the above.”Benny nodded towards the street.“Looks like baby bro’s home.Go kick his ass for not eating.”

“I intend to,” Dean growled.He gave his friend’s arm a parting squeeze, received a smile in return, and headed out to intercept his brother.

Sammy was smiling and humming to himself as he waved to the departing car he’d just exited.His smile broadened when he turned and saw Dean, becoming a wide grin.“Hey, Dean!”

“Hey, nothing!What the hell are you doing with the lunches I pack you, Sammy?!”

Sammy’s grin faded quickly.His eyes shifted away.“I’m sorry.I just don’t have much of an appetite.I told you to just let me make my own.”

“I tried that.And you didn’t make one!I had to throw something together as we were running out the door!Why the hell aren’t you eating?!”

“Dean, would you get off of my shit?!” Sammy suddenly snapped.“You think I haven’t noticed that you’re not even packing a lunch for yourself?How the hell do you think that makes me feel?If Uriel hadn’t gotten you that burger tonight, there’s no way I would have bought anything.Do you honestly expect me to eat knowing that my brother is hungry?!”

It hit Dean like a kick in the nuts.He grimaced.“Ok.Ok, Sammy.I got some groceries today, mostly lunch stuff.If I make lunch for us both, will you eat yours?”

Sammy seemed to slump.“Yeah.Sorry, Dean.I know how hard you’re trying.”

Dean pulled him into a tight hug.Then the two started towards the house.

Right away, Dean knew something was wrong.“Where’s dad’s truck?” he wondered, seeing only his baby parked in the driveway.

“Ok, that is weird.He didn’t pick you up tonight?”

“No, Benny drove me home.”

“Oh, is that why you’re walking funny?”

“Shut up.”Dean was frowning as he approached the house.No lights were on, but he could hear the faint beep of the answering machine, signifying a message.“Sammy, why don’t you wait here?”

“Like hell!”Now Sammy had caught on to Dean’s worry.His eyes were huge as he looked up at Dean.“Dean, where’s dad?What’s going on?”

Dean didn’t answer.He unlocked the door, pushing Sammy behind him as he went inside and flicked on the light.“Dad?”

No answer.Sammy shoved past him and bolted ahead, yelling for their father.Dean chased after him.His knee hindered his speed, but he managed to catch Sammy coming back down the stairs.“He’s not home,” Sammy informed him.“Where is he?”

Dean threw his brother over one shoulder, carried him down the stairs despite his knee, and threw him onto the couch.“Stay put.I mean it!Sit back down before I hog tie you!I’m going to check this message and call him.If something is wrong, I need to know exactly where you are.Do you hear me?!”

Something in Dean’s tone or face must have killed whatever protest Sammy had been about to voice.The younger boy nodded and meekly sat on the couch.But wide scared eyes tracked Dean as he turned and headed into his father’s office, where the answering machine waited.

The blinking red indicator seemed like some sort of portent of doom.Dean stared at it mutely for a long moment.  He reached out a shaking hand to press the play button.

“This is Officer Jody Miller of the Lawrence Police,” a woman’s voice began.“I’m calling for the family of John Winchester, asking that you please call us right away.I’m afraid Mr. Winchester has been involved in a motor vehicle accident.”


	14. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's drinking leads to disaster, and Dean must deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes told me that she had one true superpower, and that was finding the right songs for any situation. That's why she made this playlist. I didn't know she was serious! She suggested the Johnny Cash version of "Hurt." I've heard the NIN version, didn't think anything of it. But this one? This one got me. This song is John Winchester at his lowest point. Amazing.

“I seriously fucked up,” John announced.“I am so fucking sorry, boys.”

Dean didn’t respond.He held tight to his brother, his eyes roaming over the figure in the hospital bed.Sammy was still and silent in his arms.Too silent.Once again, that glazed, distant look that he’d gotten when they’d found their mother’s body was back.Sammy wasn’t completely catatonic this time, but it was obvious he’d gone back into his shell.Dean knew exactly what had caused it.It hadn’t been the stitched-up cut on their father’s forehead, the cuts or bruises, or even the bits of broken glass that a doctor was busy plucking out of his skin.It was the shining silver handcuff that attached John’s wrist to the bed.Sammy had taken one look at it, realized that their father had been arrested, and immediately lapsed back.Dean had watched it happen.And as he’d seen the light go out of his brother’s eyes, for one brief moment of time, Dean Winchester had hated his father.

But now wasn’t the time for his anger.Dean would do what he could for Sammy later.He’d call Cas, see if he could help again.But it all had to wait right now.“Dad, just tell me what happened,” Dean said instead.“Tell me the truth, all of it.”

“The truth is that I fucked up,” John repeated.“I ran out of beer.I was pissed off about you not getting any, so I went to get it myself.”

“You drove drunk.”Dean didn’t let his anger through to his voice.The accusation was as flat as though they were discussing one of his football games.“You drove drunk, and you got into an accident.”

“That’s what the cops tell me,” John sighed.“I knew I had to pick you boys up, so I was being careful.I wasn’t even buzzing.That’s why I went out, because I needed a god damned beer!But I missed the light turning and plowed into a minivan.”

“Did anyone get hurt?”

“Just me.Thank God for that.I was stupid, careless.Lucky I didn’t kill someone.I should have been paying more attention.”

“You shouldn’t have gone out for more beer!”Now a touch of anger rose in Dean’s voice.In his arms, he felt Sammy stir.

“The beer had nothing to do with it!I wasn’t paying attention and I ran a red light.Problem was, the cop gave me a breathalizer and I blew a .10.Limit’s .08.I wasn’t even feeling it, Dean, don’t try to make this into worse than it is.”

“Worse than it is?Dad, how the hell can it get any worse?!You’re under arrest for driving under the influence!What the hell am I supposed to tell the hunting groups you were supposed to take out this weekend?!”

“Tell them you dad is a stupid motherfucker who ran a red light and got into an accident!” John declared.“And don’t bother raising your voice at me, Dean.I’m pissed enough at myself for us both.”He grimaced.“Ugh, god damn it, John, you could not have done this at a worse time!Still, I would like to know why, exactly, it is that you didn’t get that beer.What the hell did you do with that money?”

Dean struggled to control his temper.“Dad?” he began.“Have you noticed that the kitchen cupboards and fridge that were pretty much empty yesterday now have a little food in them?I took your money and I got us some groceries!”

“Oh.”John grimaced.“Shit.I have been letting things go, haven’t I?Dean, if you needed money for groceries, all you had to do was say something!”He sighed.“I’m not mad at you, Marine.I understand you were just taking care of things and I love you for that.But I’d have given you money if you’d just asked for it.”

“From where?!” Dean exclaimed.“Dad, I’ve been doing the books and we can barely make ends meet!Now with hospital bills and fines and lawyer’s fees?  I don’t know what we’re going to do!”

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.We are not going to do anything.You and Sammy are going to concentrate on your schooling, and your father is going to get this all straightened out.Then I’m coming home.I’ll talk to the bank, pick up some extra work.We’ll get through this.”

“Dad, didn’t the police talk to you?!” Dean exclaimed.“You’re handcuffed to this bed because you’re under arrest!You’re not going home, you’re going to jail!”

John blinked.“Jail?”

“Yes!You could have killed someone!You know the DA’s big on drunk driving?Now they’re throwing the book at you!I asked the cops, and they said they’re locking you up until your hearing.That isn’t until sometime next week!I can’t get you out of this, dad!They’re taking you to jail!”

“Well, shit.”John laid back against his pillow, ignoring the irritated look of the doctor who was trying to smear something on his wounds.“Well, that certainly is a hell of a mess.Gonna have to think about this one.Aw, Sammy, come here.Shhh, don’t cry.”

Dean looked down in alarm, saw the tears rolling down his brother’s face, and felt like his heart would break.He reluctantly pushed Sammy towards his father.John reached out with his free hand to pull his youngest son in.“It’s ok, baby boy,” he soothed, kissing Sammy’s temple.“It’s ok.Dean’s gonna take care of you, and I’ll get out of this and come home as soon as I can.You just hang in there, keep your grades up.And keep your damned room clean!I hear from your brother that you gave him any shit and I will ground your ass, you hear me?”

Sammy didn’t respond.Except for the tears, he barely seemed to register what was happening.John carefully wiped at the tears and kissed him again.“Go back to your brother, baby boy.It’s gonna be alright.”

Dean hurried to pull Sam back.Sam didn’t make a sound.

At least that seemed to have gotten through to John.His father’s eyes were filled with pain as he looked at Dean.“I’m sorry this is all falling on you,” he said quietly.“Never should have happened.And I swear to you, I will make this right.”

“I know,” Dean replied quietly.“Just stay safe, ok?I’ll take care of Sammy.”

“You take care of yourself, too, Marine!”

“Yes, sir.”Dean watched numbly as the doctor finished and waved for the waiting police officer.

John didn’t say a word.The handcuff was unlocked from the rail.John’s hands were pulled back and fastened behind his back.“You were already informed of your rights,” the officer said.

“Yeah.”John’s eyes were on his sons.“Can I have a moment alone with my boys?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I need to get you to the station.”

John’s jaw worked.His eyes moved again to the silent pair.“Dean, you take care of your brother.And you mind him, baby boy!I’m getting out, and when I do, I will make this up to you both!You just look after each other.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean whispered.He held tight to his brother, watching as his father was led away.Then the door closed behind John Winchester, and he was gone.

***

At least this time, Sammy bounced back quickly.Dean held him tightly in his own bed the rest of that night, and once again, it worked to bring Sammy out of his funk.But both brothers were quiet at breakfast that morning.As usual, Sammy only picked at his food.

Dean made a display out of packing two lunches.“Ok,” he called.“Deal’s a deal.Two lunches, which means we are both going to eat at work today.”

Sammy scowled at him.“You know, just because dad left you in charge doesn’t mean you get to control everything I do!”

“I know that,” Dean replied, confused.“Sammy, I’m not trying to control everything you do.I just want you to eat!People have noticed you’re losing weight and asked me about it.”

“You’ve lost weight too!”

“And I’m doing something about it.”

“So glad you’re preserving your image, Dean.”

“Sammy, what the hell?!” Dean exclaimed.“I’m doing my best, ok?What the hell do you want from me?!”

“What I want is for you to get off my shit!” Sammy yelled.“I get that it’s hard right now.I’m trying to help you.But lately, every time I come near you, you ride my ass about something or another.The only time we’re friendly anymore with each other is when Cas is with us.It’s like he’s a control rod in a nuclear reactor!The instant he’s out of the picture, you are right back on my ass again!”

“I’m just trying to look after you!”

“I’m not a child!”

“Then stop acting like one!Look, I’m sorry I can’t get you the brand name stuff or cook as well as mom, ok?You need to quit with this picky eating shit because what I’ve got is all we can afford!”

Sammy scoffed.“You honestly believe this is because I don’t like the food?”

“What the hell else is it if it’s not that?”

“I just don’t want to eat!”

“Well, nut up, because you’re eating!”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!”Dean threw the knife he’d just used to spread mayo on their sandwiches into the sink with enough force to make it bounce back out and into the other side.“Sammy, I get that you’re hurting.You think I’m not?!We didn’t do anything to deserve any of this shit!But it happened.Now it’s just you and me.All I want is to make sure that you are taken care of.”

“I can take care of myself!”

“Then do it!”

“Then get off my ass about it!”

“Fine!”Dean grabbed his keys and both lunches.  He stormed towards the door.“Do whatever the fuck you want, Sammy.I don’t give a shit anymore.”

“Finally!”Sammy trailed after Dean, slamming the door so hard behind them that the sound of it echoed up and down the block.

“You slam the door of my baby like that, I will bust your ass, Sam!”

“Whatever, Dean, you close it, then.”

Dean did.He glared for a moment through the window at his brother, thinking about what he’d said.Maybe he had been riding the kid a bit too much.Maybe all Sammy really needed was a bit of space.But surely Dean couldn’t be faulted for wanting to make sure his brother was eating, right?

Dean had called the hunting groups his father had contracted to take out late last night.Now they were waiting at the store.Dean apologized over and over as he returned their money.At least they were understanding.They inquired about John, said they were sorry to hear about his accident.Obviously, the truth hadn’t gotten out yet.When it did, Dean expected his father’s client list to take a serious hit.No hunter wanted to hire a drunk as a guide.

A drunk.That’s what his father was.Dean had to admit that now.He was quiet as he worked, his mind roaming over the recent past.John Winchester had always been a drinker.Dean supposed he may have qualified as a functional alcoholic, but he’d rarely seen his father drunk.Lately, though, it seemed like John was always drunk.And of course it was Dean who’d supplied John’s poison of choice.Dean had rationalized it with the knowledge that he was helping his father battle the demons of losing his wife.When they’d finally taken their mother away, John had been inconsolable.He’d gone straight into his office and started drinking, sobbing and saying over and over that he should have made her go to the hospital.It had been echoing through Dean’s head as well.John had been out working.He, Dean, should have realized just how sick his mother truly was.And afterwards, it was guilt, and the sound of his father’s broken sobs, that had driven Dean to provide alcohol for his father.Anything to drown the demons, both his father’s and Dean’s own.In a way, John had been drinking for two of them.

But where did that leave Sammy?

Dean’s eyes moved to track his brother.Sammy was pricing the new inventory.His foot tapped in time with the music playing overhead.As Dean watched, a customer came in and Sammy immediately smiled in welcome.Looking at his brother, no one would know anything was wrong.But Dean could see the gauntness in his cheeks.It was worrisome.

Dean continued to watch his brother as Sammy assisted the customer.Had he been riding the kid?Dean had tried to be the responsible adult.He’d tried to make sure Sam got his homework done, got to his practices and games, cleaned up after himself.Again and again he’d asked Sam if there was anything he needed.What more could he do?But then again, now that Dean thought about it, he could recall the hardness that had come to Sammy’s eyes when he’d talked to him, the set of his brother’s jaw.He knew, and was grateful, that Sammy had been making a real effort to help around the house.Just the other night, he’d gone to their father’s office to balance the books and had realized it was already done.Sammy’s handwriting filled neat rows of figures.It had been a huge relief, saving Dean hours of time.Maybe Sammy should be in charge of the books?No.Sammy needed to focus on his schoolwork.Dean could handle the books.

The door opened and Dean looked up to a welcome sight.“Cas!Hey!”

“Hello, Dean.”Cas wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes, looking mostly at the floor.But he was here.And he was smiling.Dean’s heart immediately felt lighter.

“Hey, Cas!”

Suddenly Sammy was hugging Cas.Dean fought back the pang of jealousy that flared up when he saw Cas’s eyes soften, saw his arms go around Sammy to return the hug.“Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!Let me show you around.”

“I’d like that.This is your dad’s store?”

“Yeah!He bought it shortly after he married mom and they had Dean.It’s been in the family my entire life.Check it out, we offer damned near everything you could need for outdoor sports.We’ve got hunting gear, camping gear, survival gear, military surplus, even fishing supplies.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah, but the real appeal is the services we offer.Our dad’s a professional hunting guide.He can take you after the big game.Dean and I aren’t licensed, but we still know every inch of the land for miles around.We can take you out after gobblers or geese or ducks, show you the best places to find them, or we can show you where to fish during the season.We have agreements with all the farmers.Most of them post their land, and don’t trust outsiders.They trust us, though.So if you want to hunt or fish there, you pretty much need to go with us because the farmers know we won’t tolerate any bullshit.No drinking or drugs or wildly firing weapons, shit like that.”

Cas seemed impressed.Dean smiled.Naturally, Sammy left out the part about how he mostly stuck to the fishermen or the archery hunters, John not wanting his youngest son out with strangers with loaded weapons until he turned 18.But Castiel was smiling, listening as Sammy cheerfully showed him around the store.

“We just got these in.Really nice reels!These’ll sell fast.Oh, and this is our fresh bait.”

“I wondered why you had fish tanks.So you sell live minnows?”

“Among other things.We also have nightcrawlers, redworms, waxworms, and my personal favorite, mealworms.”

“You have a favorite worm?Do I want to know why?”

“Come have dinner at our place tonight and you’ll find out!We’d be happy to tell you all about it.”

Those beautiful blue eyes looked uncertainly back at Dean.Dean smiled.“Come join us, Cas.It’d be simple for me to make an extra serving.We’re having stir fry and fried rice.”

“Dean makes amazing fried rice,” Sam urged.“Come to dinner, Cas!”

Cas looked back at Sammy and smiled.“Alright.”

Dean took note of his brother’s smiling face and breathed a sigh of relief.Sammy was right.Castiel really was like a control rod in a nuclear reactor.When he was around, the two of them got along fine.It was a huge difference from where they were this morning.

Cas hung around the store all day, chatting with the brothers and watching them work.It came as no surprise to Dean that Cas’s experience with the outdoors was limited.He talked about camping in terms of summer camp.Summer camp.The closest the Winchesters had ever come to summer camp was football and cheer camp during the day at the school.This was some kind of fancy summer camp for rich kids where they did everything from arts and crafts and sailing to actual fucking lifeguard training, but never learned how to pitch a tent.Typical.

When their evening staff came in, Dean was only slightly surprised Sammy elected to ride home with Cas.Dean didn’t mind.It gave him some time alone with his thoughts.By the time the two rowdy younger boys were spilling into the house, laughing over some shared joke, Dean felt he was composed.Leaving the two alone to happily wrestle together in the living room, he went to the kitchen to start dinner.

Of course, the real fun came at dinner.Dean managed to keep a straight face as he served, even with Sammy hiding his grin behind his hand.They both bowed their heads when Cas did, which made their friend smile.Then they started eating without a word, waiting.

It took longer than it usually did.Castiel had just complimented Dean on the tastiness of the meal and was bringing another spoonful of fried rice to his mouth when he froze.His eyes grew wide, his jaw dropping in disbelief as he finally registered what he was seeing.Dean had to clench his jaw tightly to keep from laughing.Sammy managed to repress all but a single snort.Both pretended not to notice while simultaneously watching Castiel from the corner of their eyes.Cas simply stared at his spoon, not saying a word.At least, not until he saw Dean move to take another bite of his own rice.Then he was moving quickly, grabbing Dean’s hand and forcing his spoon down.“Dean?” he said quietly.“Your food is delicious, but you really shouldn’t eat any more of the rice.”

“Oh?” Dean asked, somehow still managing to keep a straight face.“Why’s that?”

It was better than anything Dean could have hoped for.Castiel Novak looked like he about to tell someone he was dying of cancer.He opened his mouth to speak.Closed it.Considered, his eyes shifting rapidly around as he thought it over.By now, Sammy had intentionally dropped his napkin on the floor as an excuse to duck under the table.From where Dean was sitting, he could see his brother’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

Finally, Cas cleared his throat.“Well, Dean, I’m not sure how to tell you this,” he began, “but it appears that, um, your rice is, well, it’s infested.”

“Infested?”Dean made his eyebrows raise, trying to look surprised while simultaneously fighting to keep from laughing.“Infested with what?”

“Well…That is…Dean, you’re an excellent cook and I’m sure I don’t know how it happened.But, um, the rice?Well, somehow…Um…Well…”Cas swallowed, took a breath, and plunged in.“Somehow some of those worms Sam showed me at your store that you sell for fishing bait got into the rice, Dean.So please don’t eat anymore of it?”

“Really?”Dean poked at his rice with a spoon.Sure enough, he uncovered what could only be a cooked mealworm.Dean carefully gathered it on his spoon and held it up for inspection.“Huh!Sammy, would you look at that?”

“Yeah, look, I’ve got some in mine, too,” Sammy reported, holding up a mealworm of his own on a spoon.

“Looks like they’re cooked right into the rice.”

“I’d say so.”

“What do you think we should do with them?”

Sammy sighed.“I hate to waste food, Dean.”

“Me, too.”

“Guess there’s only one thing to do?”

“Guess so.”

In unison, the brothers popped the mealworms into their mouths, making a show of chewing.Cas let out an honest to god shriek.His face had such an expression of shock and horror that Dean couldn’t help laughing.He and Sammy were both laughing, leaning on the table for support.

Castiel blinked.Then he frowned.“I see.They’re fake.”

“No, they’re real,” Dean managed.“It’s ok, Cas.Mealworms are edible.We chow down on them all the time when we get a fresh batch.I either roast them or fry them.”

“They make the best fried rice in the world, as you noticed before you saw one of them,” Sammy hiccuped.“Seriously, Cas, it’s ok.It’s perfectly safe.”

“I actually set aside a bowl for you that’s mealworm free,” Dean apologized, seeing Castiel’s face flush.“Sorry if we upset you.We do this to everyone.It’s not personal.”

“It’s really not,” Sammy agreed.“We only do this to people we like.”

That made Cas blink.“Really?You like me?”

“Cas, move in,” Sam urged.“I love you like a brother, man!Normally we don’t pull the mealworms out until someone’s been around us at least a couple of months.”

“Recent events accelerated the process,” Dean explained.“Now, do you want the other fried rice?”

Cas looked down, poking tentatively at a mealworm with his spoon.“I’m certainly not used to eating food that’s looking back at me,” he confessed.“Can I try both?”

Dean brought over the bowl of mealworm-free fried rice.Castiel took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.Then he got another spoonful of what he’d been served.He raised the spoon towards his mouth.Frowned.Pinched a mealworm between his fingers and turned it so it was facing away from him.Then he took a bite and chewed.

“Oh my god, I am so proud of you right now,” Sammy announced.

“Seriously,” Dean agreed.“No one but Benny has ever knowingly eaten the mealworms.Even our mom wouldn’t eat them!”

“I was eating them before when I didn’t know,” Cas pointed out.“And honestly?They add something to the rice.Gives it a nutty flavor.”

“Right?”Dean beamed at him.

In the end, the plain rice was mixed in with the other, and all three boys finished it off.Dean was delighted to see how much Sammy ate.A glance at Cas caught his smile.He’d noticed, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean's Fried Rice Recipe!
> 
> 2 Tbs oil  
> 1 lb diced chicken  
> Dash of salt and pepper  
> 1 chopped onion  
> 2 Tbs sesame oil  
> 3 c mixed veg  
> 1 Tbs minced ginger  
> 3 cloves minced garlic  
> 4 c cooked white rice  
> 3 eggs  
> 3 Tbs soy sauce  
> 1 minced green onion  
> 2 c roasted mealworms
> 
> Heat oil in skillet. Salt and pepper chicken and cook until white. Remove and set aside. Add 1 Tbs sesame oil, veg, garlic and ginger. Cook until cooked through. Stir in rice and mealworms and cook until heated. Meanwhile beat eggs and cook in remaining sesame oil until almost fully cooked, then fold into rice mixture. Add green onions and soy sauce. Stir wel, heat, and serve.


	15. Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in the Novak household leads to trouble for Sam and Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The site did something really weird and somehow deleted the chapter. Hopefully it will work now.
> 
> TW for implied violence, bullying

When Castiel got back to his home, it was well ahead of curfew.But even when he stepped into the door, he knew something was wrong.The entire house seemed steeped in tension.Hannah pounced on him as soon as she saw him.“It's Balth!” she told him.“He got caught cutting class.The school called father at the office.He’s coming back tonight!”

Castiel froze.“He’s got an important meeting.He wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow evening!”

“I know!”

Her hand slipped into his and he gripped it tightly.Castiel’s heart was pounding.“I have to clean my room,” he told her.“How’s yours?”

“I already cleaned mine, and yours.I didn’t know what time you’d come in.Luci and I both helped Balth clean his.”

“What about the living room?”

“Clean, dusted, and vacuumed.Luci went out and raked up the grass clippings.Balth cleaned up the bathroom.I swept the porch.Juanita and Martin won’t have to lift a finger except to cook and drive.I don’t know what else we can do!”She clung to his hand.“I’m glad you’re home early.I actually called the Winchesters’ to ask you to come back.You’d already left.I’m so glad!”Her grip grew painful on his hand.“Cassie, you have to greet father when he comes home!”

“Alright.”Castiel hugged his sister.“You did everything you can, Hannah.Thanks for cleaning my room.”

“Of course.”She hugged him tightly.

He hugged her back.“Where’s Balth now?”

“In his room.Luci’s out back.”

“Then you should go to him.I’m going to see Balth.”Castiel headed up to his brother’s room and knocked on the door.“Balth?”

Balthazar opened the door.His face was pale.His hand shook as he wiped a bit of moisture off of his upper lip.“I got detention.Father’s going to flip out!”

“Don’t fight.”

“I’m not an idiot, ok, Cas?!Just look around and make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

Castiel took a quick look around.He slid the desk chair further into the desk, straightened some of Balth’s clothes on hangers in his closet.Then he nodded.“Looks good.”

“Good.”Balthazar impulsively hugged him.“You’ll greet father, right?You have to!He’s better if you do.”

That wasn’t always the case, but Castiel didn’t argue.“Of course I will.”

“Thanks.”Balth he pushed his brother away, seemingly embarrassed.“Tell Hannah to go out back with Luci before…”

Balth’s voice trailed off.Both brothers froze, listening to the sound of the car going into the garage.Balth’s pale face grew even paler.

Castiel tentatively reached out a hand to take his brother’s arm.“Balthazar…”

“Get out!”Balthazar angrily jerked his arm away.He shoved hard at Castiel with both hands against the younger boy’s chest, sending him sprawling backwards.“Just get out, Cas!Go greet father and make Hannah go out with Luci.I don’t want any of you here!”

Castiel carefully picked himself up.He avoided looking his brother in the eye.“Do you want someone to come up after?”

“No.Tell Luci to leave me the hell alone.Now get out!”

Castiel went.He saw Hannah still standing in the hall.She had both fists pressed against her mouth.Her wide eyes were fixed on the door leading out to the garage.“Go out back with Luci,” Castiel called, grabbing her arm.“I’ll greet father and come out, ok?”

Hannah’s eyes were filling with tears.She nodded.Then she darted back through the house, headed towards the back porch.

Castiel stood as he was, hands held clasped in front of him, eyes respectfully down.“Welcome home, father,” he said quietly.

“Welcome home,” Zachariah growled.“Welcome home, he says.I just had to leave a very important meeting with some clients and come home because my children are not capable of following rules when I’m not around, and all you have to say is welcome home?!”

Castiel didn’t answer.He knew there was nothing he could say at this point.

Zachariah swore and slammed his briefcase angrily down.“Where is Balthazar?” he asked, taking off his coat and hat.

“He’s in his room.”

“It had better be clean!”

“The house is clean.”

“Are you mouthing off to me, boy?!”

“No, father,” Castiel said quietly.

He could feel his father staring at him.Castiel kept his eyes on the spot of carpet in front of him.Zachariah Novak stepped closer.“Look at me.”

Castiel looked up.His father’s face was flushed, sweaty, and furious.“Have you been cutting classes, Castiel?”

“No, father.”

“If I find out you are…?!”

“I’m not.”

“What about Luci and Hannah?”

“As far as I know, they’re not,” Castiel answered truthfully.He hadn’t known that Balthazar was cutting classes, either.

Zach’s eyes were already on the stairs, eyeing his second oldest son’s room.“I don’t know why he can’t obey!He and Lucifer are always so willful.He’s in his room?”

“Yes, father.”

“Good.”Castiel couldn’t help but flinch when his father’s hand landed on his shoulder.But it was only a gentle squeeze.“You’re a good boy, Castiel.You’ve always tried hard to obey the rules.Hannah gets the grades, but she’s defiant, too.It’s just not open like Luci and Balth.You’re the only one who really tries to obey.Too bad the others don’t follow your example.” 

“Balthazar tries too, father.”

“Not nearly hard enough.”Zachariah quickly let go, moving past Castiel to head up the stairs towards Balth’s room.Castiel saw with a sinking heart that his hands were already undoing his belt.

By the time Castiel reached the back door, the yelling had already started.The door closed on the first cry of pain.

Lucifer was sitting on the steps, Hannah pressed into to his side with his arm around her.Castiel joined them, sitting on his brother’s other side.Luci quickly pulled him in.Castiel leaned into his brother, reaching over to take his sister’s hand.“You greeted father?” Luci said.“He’s better if you do.”

“I did.”

“He give you the usual bullshit about why can’t the rest of us be as perfect as you are?”

Castiel sighed.“Yeah.I don’t know why he thinks that!”

“You’re his favorite,” Hannah replied softly.“That’s not your fault, Cassie.But it’s the truth.And if he sees you first, he’s easier on the rest of us.”

None of the three said another word, each lost in thought, trying not to hear the sounds from the house.

***

The moment he felt the arm around his neck, Sam knew he was in trouble.“Don’t!” he gagged.“Come on, Balth, let me go.I’ve still got bruises from last time!”

Balthazar’s face could have been carved from stone.He dragged Sam into the music room, but didn’t let go.Sam was light-headed and in a panic before Balth finally let him sprawl on the floor.Sam coughed.He had a few seconds to recover before he was roughly dragged back up by one arm.He’d have marks for sure.“Please!” Sam tried.“Don’t hurt me!Balthazar…”

“Shut up!”

Sammy never saw the blow coming.The hard backhand slap to his face sent him reeling.He’d have fallen if Balth hadn’t been holding his arm.“Not my face!” Sam protested.“Come on!You can’t leave marks on me where they can be seen and I have to explain them!”

Balth slammed him roughly against the corner.“You are nothing but a toy, you little bitch!” he snarled, slamming Sam again and again to punctuate his words.“You do not make the rules.You shut up, and you take whatever I give you!Or are you backing out of our deal?”

Dean.Cas.Sam closed his eyes.“No.Just please, don’t hurt me too much?”

Sam’s answer was a punch in the gut.Knocked down.Forced to the floor and pinned there.His arms twisted until he was crying in pain.The beating that followed drove all thought away.Balth kept a hand over his mouth to quiet him during the beating.But it was hardly necessary.All Sam was really capable of was moans or grunts of pain.

It ended as suddenly as it had begun.The hand on his mouth had been serving to hold him up in the corner.When it was suddenly gone, Sam collapsed.He curled up into a ball.A foot plowed into his side, bringing another cry of pain.And then Balth was gone, heading out the door without a word.

For a time, all Sam did was lie still and breathe through the pain.Nothing Balth had put him through had been as bad as this.Was this how it would be from now on?The thought made him whimper in fear.After he regained control, he wiped the tears from his face and got up.He gingerly reached up to touch his cheek and winced.Then he pulled up his shirt and groaned at the marks.Not good.There was no way he was going to be able to hide this.Anyone who saw him would know he’d been in some sort of fight.And if Dean found out who had hurt him, he’d go after Balthazar for sure.Sam remembered the knife and shuddered.No.Dean couldn’t find out.But now, he was late for class.No way he’d be able to sneak in.He’d have to hide, wait for the bell, and head into his next class.Either way, Dean was going to hear something sooner or later.Sam preferred it to be as non-dramatic as possible.

Sam managed to sneak from the music room to the boy’s room.He checked the mirror.It was just as bad as he thought.Worse, actually.His cheek had a cut from the ring Balth wore.Blood was drying on his face.Sam quickly washed it off.That was better.The cut wasn’t big, little more than a scratch about an inch long running along his cheekbone.But now that the blood was gone, he could see the telltale swelling and darkening of the skin around the cut.It would bruise, there was no doubt.There was a red mark across his throat, fortunately already fading.Some blood vessels had burst in his eyes, making them look bloodshot.A check of his arm where Balth had grabbed him revealed red finger-shaped marks.But those, and even the many marks on his body, he could hide.The cut on his face?There was no way to hide that.Shit.Shit!

Now the bell rang.With a sigh, Sam dried his face and headed out to his class.He ran into a couple of girls, Leslie and Jenna.The two took a look at his face and gasped.“Sammy!What happened?”

“Tripped and fell, landed bad,” Sam lied.“Dean’s going to kill me, but what can I do?Can’t cover my face, now, can I?”

The two girls exchanged a look.Then once again, Sam found himself pulled into the music room.To his surprise, the two were digging in their purses, holding up bottles of make-up to his face.“Mine’s a bit too dark,” Leslie noted.

“Mine matches his complexion.Here.”Jenna quickly opened the bottle.

“Hurry up!We’ll be late for class!Here, let me help.”

Sam frowned, confused.“What are you…?Oh.Oh!Oh wow, thank you, that’s a great idea!”

The two quickly applied the make-up to Sam’s cheek, covering the darkening bruise.“Can’t cover the scratch,” Jenna said.

“It’s fine.”Leslie dug into her purse again, produced a band-aid, and applied it to the cut.Girls apparently carried everything in their purses.“Here.This won’t hide it, but it will detract from the swelling.Now it just looks like a cut, instead of like someone beat you, Sam.Think you can think of a logical reason you have a cut here?”

“I think I can come up with something.”

“Good.Take this.”Jenna handed him the make-up.“I’ve got another bottle at home.You’ll need it when that bruise on your face really starts to get dark.”

Sam smiled brightly.“Thank you so much!You ladies are as resourceful as you are lovely!”

That earned him a set of blushes and giggles.Sam considered.Leslie, he knew, had a boyfriend, but Jenna was single.He gave her a wink, keeping with her as they headed out into the hall.“You just gave me my very first bottle of make-up,” he announced.“Tell me, do you think maybe there’s anything I might be able to do to repay you?”

Her smile widened.“What did you have in mind?”

“How about a romantic evening?I’d take you out on a real date if I wasn’t completely broke.But I’m thinking we could still have a good time?”He touched the band-aid.“I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t at least try to repay you for saving my life?”

She was blushing again, giving him flirty looks.Perfect.Sam was able to set up a date for later in the week and still manage to dart into class before the bell.

Sam encountered another girl heading into his next class.A bit of flirting and some well-placed compliments, and he had another date set up for tomorrow night.Then his luck held out when Leslie sought him out.She’d recently broken up with her boyfriend, she explained.She was sad, lonely.She pressed up against Sam, slipped her arms around his waist, and asked if maybe he could help her feel a little less lonely, say, tonight?Yes, indeed.There was a spring in Sam’s step as he headed to his last class.Three dates.It was going to be a busy week.

Castiel was staring at him in class.It made him nervous.He avoided looking at his friend.Once the bell rang, Sam made a beeline for the door.But Cas caught his arm, pulled him back into the classroom, and held him until the room emptied.Sam groaned.“What, Cas?”

Cas’s expression was stony.“Sam, what happened?”

“Huh?Cas, you need to be a bit more specific,” Sam tried, pulling his arm away.

Unfortunately, that caused Cas to grab his other arm, the one Balth had already hurt.Sam couldn’t keep back a yelp at the unexpected pain.

Cas’s face went blank.His hand moved to Sam’s elbow, pulling him after him as he quickly marched down the hall.Sam groaned, finding himself pulled into the boys’ room.“What, Cas?!What is it?”

Cas pulled Sam forward, turning them both so that he was between Sam and the door.Then he let go of Sam and crossed his arms over his chest.“Lift up your shirt.”

Sam blinked.“Um, what?”

“Your shirt, Sammy!Lift it up!Let me see your skin.Because I’m thinking the mark on your face, that red mark on your neck, and whatever is wrong with your arm?Those are not the only injuries you have.”

“Dude, I’m not giving you a strip show, ok?I gotta go.I have class.”

Sam tried to move around Cas, but the determined larger boy immediately stepped to block him.“Sam?You’ve got make-up on your face, under where that band-aid is.Your cheek is swelling up.And your arm is hurt.Now all I want to know is where else you’re hurt.”

“Come on, Cas, get out of my way.I’m fine, I just fell.”

“Fine.Then lift up your shirt.”

Sam scowled.“Make me!”

To Sam’s surprise, Cas set his jaw and reached for him.Sam quickly stepped back and raised his hands.“Whoa, hold it!”

“Your shirt,” Cas insisted.“Lift it up and show me or I’ll do it for you!”

“Alright, alright, holy shit!”With a sigh, Sam took hold of the hem of his shirt.“Don’t freak.It’s not as bad as it looks.”

Cas went silent.His eyes moved over Sam’s exposed skin, cataloging the bruises.Sam was about to pull his shirt back down, but Cas stopped him.He moved around behind Sam.Sam groaned.Cas walked the whole way around him, inspecting every inch.Then he took Sam’s hand and slid up his sleeve.“Aw, come on, Cas!”

Cas didn’t answer.He stared at the marks on Sam’s arm, moved around and slid up his other sleeve.He walked back to face Sam, looking hard at him.“Sammy?Is Dean hurting you?”

Sam sputtered.“What?No!Dean wouldn’t lay a hand on me, Cas, not ever!”

“Your father, then.”

It wasn’t a question.It was a statement, given in a resigned voice that rendered Sam speechless for a moment.He shook his head.“Cas?First of all, dad’s in jail and couldn’t touch me if he wanted to.Second, he would never hurt me, ok?The worst either of my parents has ever done to me has been to give me the occasional spanking when, I assure you, I earned it.That’s when I was a kid.Anymore, if I’m punished, I’m grounded, not hit.No one has raised a hand to me in years.And Dean and I may talk about kicking each other’s asses, but we’re all talk.The worst he does is wrestle with me.Dean would never actually hurt me.We’ve told you that before!Now tell me why the hell you would see bruises and immediately assume that someone in my family has hurt me?”

“Because someone is hurting you, Sammy.”Cas’s face was tense.“Someone has been hurting you for a while.You’ve got bruises all over you, in every stage of healing.I don’t see any scars, but it’s been going on for at least a week or longer.You’re telling me it’s not someone in your home.So who is it, Sammy?I want you to tell me who it is.”

“Cas…”

“Who is hurting you, Sammy?!” Cas yelled.“Tell me who it is!”

The unexpected outburst made Sammy blink.“Cas?Back off, ok?I can handle this.”

“Handle this?!Sammy, you’re covered in bruises!Someone is hurting you, has been hurting you, and hurt you again today.Who is it?Does Dean know?”

Sam sucked in his breath.“No, and you need to keep your god damned mouth shut, do you hear me?!You can’t say anything to Dean!”

“Why?!”

“Because if Dean finds out I’m being bullied?Think about what he’ll do!” Sam explained frantically.“He’ll keep after me until he finds out who it is!And if he finds out, he’ll try to stop it, and he’ll end up hurt, hurt bad!”

Cas shook his head.“Sammy, I…”

“Cas!”Sam grabbed his friend’s shoulders and shook him.“You don’t understand!Now I appreciate your concern, ok?I love you for caring enough to do this.But if you love me, love Dean?Then I need you to back off!”

“You’re being beaten!”

“I can handle it!” Sam insisted.“I can take getting knocked around a little bit once in a while.But if Dean finds out?Come on, you know Dean!He’ll do something colossally stupid.Then he’ll get hurt, Cas, really hurt!Is that what you want?!”

“I don’t want either of you getting hurt,” Cas told him.

That pulled Sam’s heart strings.He quickly embraced his friend.“I love you, brother.”

Cas’s arms went around him.“I love you, too.That’s why…”

“That’s why I need you to keep quiet,” Sam insisted.He held tight when Cas stiffened and tried to pull away.“No!Listen to me.If you love us?If you want to keep being friends with us?Then you need to keep quiet!”

He heard Cas suck in his breath.“S-Sammy?”

“I mean it, Cas!”Sammy pulled away, holding his friend’s shoulders so he could look Cas in the eyes.“You have to keep quiet about this.I need you to promise me now that you won’t tell Dean, won’t tell anyone!Promise!”

Cas’s eyes were dull.His shoulders slumped.He looked down and nodded.“Alright,” he whispered.“I promise.”

Sam hugged him again.“Thank you.”

Cas didn’t hug him back.When Sam let him go, he only nodded and walked out, looking like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.Sam watched him go, frowning in confusion.What was that about?

***

“If you love us?If you want to keep being friends with us?Then you need to keep quiet!”

Castiel fought back tears as he headed out to join his siblings to wait for the car.Why did everything have to be so hard?All he wanted was to just have friends.But now, not only did he have to pretend not to feel anything for Dean?He had to keep secret that Sammy was being beaten!Either situation on its own was unbearable.Together, how could Castiel possibly stay sane and just continue on like everything was fine?


	16. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean visits his father in prison. Zachariah has a talk with Castiel. Dean and Sam try to figure out how they're going to pay the bills.

“How’s your brother?”

“Fine, sir, mostly.”

“Mostly?”John frowned.“What’s that mean?”

“Frankly, I’m a little worried about him,” Dean admitted.“He’s so picky, dad.I had a hell of a time getting him to eat.I’d pack him lunches and find out he was giving them away.And there was no talking to him!But he’s better now.Eating.”Dean frowned.“Thing is, he still seems to be losing weight.I don’t get it.”

“Your brother’s not like the two of us, Dean,” John sighed.“He’s a good boy, sweet, and smarter than both of us put together.But he isn’t strong.That’s why I don’t want him in here.I don’t want my baby boy anywhere near these people!Bad enough the way these bastards are eyeing you up!”He paused, glowering at another inmate until the other man looked away from Dean.Then he turned back to Dean.“Sammy takes things in deep, buries them inside.You saw it, when your mom passed.”

“Did you?”Dean winced, hearing the sharpness of his tone.“I’m sorry, dad.”

“No.I got it coming.”John suddenly looked exhausted.“I saw what was happening to my baby boy.How bad he got.I just didn’t know how to help him.And I saw how hard you struggled.You make me proud, Marine.You kept this family afloat.Me?I was part of the problem.”

“You were a mess, dad,” Dean offered.“She was your wife, the mother of your children!”

“Your mother.You and Sammy.You found her like that, and it damned near broke your brother.But not you.You stayed strong, for your brother and for me.And that never should have happened.I failed you, Dean, and I failed Mary.”

“Dad!”

John suddenly pounded a fist against the table, making Dean jump and prompting a warning from the guard.Grimacing, John raised his hands.“I am a failure as a husband and a father.I’m a failure as a man.I’m just a damned drunk!”

“So change it!” Dean exclaimed.He felt like his heart would explode in his chest.He held tight to the edge of the table for support.“If it’s that bad, change it, dad!I love you, dad.I will always respect and support you no matter how far you fall because I am your son.But I’m Sammy’s big brother, too.And it’s the big brother talking to you now.”

“Go ahead,” John urged.“I reckon it’s something that needs saying.”

“You’re god damned right it does!”Dean fought to control his breathing.“You need to get your head out of your ass, dad.You got into your truck because you were pissed off I hadn’t brought you beer.As a result, you damned near killed someone, you got thrown in jail, and now we’ve lost both of our parents?This is horseshit!Enough!Stop being sorry and start doing something to fix it!You need to climb out of that fucking bottle, get over yourself, and be a fucking father!Dry yourself up.Go to AA meetings, get therapy, whatever it fucking takes.Because Sammy needs you, dad!I fucking need you!I need you!”

And just like that, all the anger and resentment Dean had been holding inside was gone.All that was left was an empty husk filled with shame.The man across from him was a victim just as he was.What right did Dean have to lash out like this?

But then his father’s hand was taking his, squeezing tight.When Dean looked up, he was surprised to see the look on John’s face.“You’re right,” John said.“Of course you’re right.When they took me, when I had to leave you two behind?That was my lowest point.And I’ve been spending my time in here kicking m own ass ever since.You haven’t said a damned thing I haven’t already told the dumb motherfucker I see in the mirror, so don’t make that face.Because you’re right.You’re 100% right.I need to stop mourning for Mary, stop beating myself up, and start being a father.”John smiled.“I am proud of you, Dean.You cannot imagine how proud I am of you!Because you’re only 18, and already, you’re a far better man than I could ever hope to be.”

Dean couldn’t respond.

“Dean?Look at me, Marine.”

When Dean met his eyes, John nodded.“I promise to get my head out of my ass.I’m already attending the AA meetings.A lot of guys are in here because they’re drunks like your old man.No, I told you not to make that face.It’s true!Your dad’s a drunk, Dean.I’ve been a drunk for too long, and I let it get the best of me.No more.I’ve been sitting in on those meetings.It’s time I started being an active participant.I promise you, I’m going to do whatever it takes to get out of here and make things right for you and your brother.I will support and protect my family.I will never let you down like this again!”

Dean swallowed around the lump in his throat.“That’s all I ask.”

“I’ll do it.But right now?Right now, I need you to be that man I see sitting here in front of me.The man who had the balls to look his father in the face and tell him to get his head out of his ass.”John squeezed his son’s hand.“You’re strong, Dean.You’ve always been strong.And I need you to take care of yourself and your brother, just for a while longer.”

“I will!I promise!I’ll take care of Sammy, dad.”

“Good boy.You know where the checkbook is?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Alright.Now, me getting denied diversion because I hit someone else is a setback.Judge is a real hardass, sentencing me to 120 days for my first offense, but I’ll take it.The lawyer’s going to keep working to get me out sooner.The real problem is going to be getting that ignition interlock device on my truck.We’re going to have to find the money to get it installed and the fees for it somewhere, but we’ll worry about that later.It’s the fines and legal fees and all the rest of this shit we got coming at us now I’m worried about.”

“I know,” Dean said with a sigh.

“There’s a resource person here that’s helping me.She’s already given me papers to sign to put your name on all the accounts.That means you can sign checks for whatever you need.I need you to pay the bills and keep the books up to date.Can you do that?”

“Yes, sir.I’ve already been working on the books.I, um, forged your name on a few checks, so this will help.And Sammy’s actually been helping.He’s better at the math than I am.”

“Well, that’s good.”John beamed.“You two boys don’t need me, not really.You’re both strong, capable young men.I’m damned proud of you both.But I’m coming back.Alright?”

“I know you are, dad.”Dean straightened and squeezed his father’s hand.“I’ll take care of Sammy.I’ll take care of everything.I promise.”

***

“Shit!” Castiel swore, looking in dismay at his buttons.Too tight.His shirts were all too tight, and nothing he could do would make them fit.Even with his tie, he couldn’t hide the way his buttons were strained over his chest.This was a serious problem.“Shit!SHIT!”

“What’s wrong?”

Castiel froze, his eyes moving in alarm to meet his father’s in the mirror.Zachariah Novak was standing in his door.He had a shopping bag in his hand.There was no way he hadn’t heard.Castiel flushed and quickly looked down.“I’m sorry, father.I shouldn’t have said that.I was just frustrated.It’s this shirt.”Castiel indicated his straining buttons.“It’s too small.I can’t find a shirt that fits me anymore.”

“I actually noticed that myself.You’ve really grown and filled out.You’re becoming a man.”Zach stepped closer.He put one hand on Castiel’s shoulder from behind and used the other to bring up the shopping bag.“Fortunately, I thought to pick these up for you.”

“Oh!Thank you!”Castiel happily accepted the bag, seeing it was filled with dress shirts.He put the bag on the bed.Pulling off the shirt that didn’t fit, he folded it and placed it on his dresser.Then he selected one of the new ones.It was stiff, of course.It scratched his skin a bit.But it fit perfectly, and it would lose most of its stiffness during the course of the day.Castiel breathed a sigh of relief.He buttoned it up, checking the fit in the mirror.“It’s perfect!Thank you so much, father.”

“Of course.”Zach moved closer.He smoothed the shirt over his son’s shoulders, lifted the collar, and selected a tie.“Look at you.You’re as tall as I am now!You’re growing up, right in front of my eyes.Seems like just yesterday you were a baby.”

Castiel stayed silent.Zach had draped the tie around Castiel’s neck, but now he paused.His hands moved, resting flat against Castiel’s back.Castiel froze.“I know I’m hard on you,” Zach admitted.“I’m harder on you than any of your siblings.But we came so close to losing you!When I learned you were caught with that boy?I despaired.I fell to my knees and begged God to spare you the fires of Hell.To show me where I’d gone wrong raising you.Where I’d failed my youngest son so badly!”

“You didn’t fail me, father.”Castiel held rigidly still.“My sin was my own.”

His father’s hands were still on his back.Castiel shivered, remembering whistling cracks, the pain, being trapped and the warm, wet, feeling of something running, dripping, down his skin.Those hands had done that.Those same hands had applied the bandages.They’d rubbed soothing balm into his wounds.Then those hands had turned hard once again.They’d seized Castiel, dragging him out of the house and into the waiting car.At the time, Castiel had been screaming, pleading with his father to give him another chance.But he’d been forced into the vehicle, taken away.They’d never spoken of that time.Now it seemed those awful days were very much on Zach’s mind.“I hurt you the way I did because I was desperate to save you,” Zach was saying.“It was all to save you!My angel.My most beloved son.All of my children are precious to me, but none more so than you.That’s why I fought so hard to keep custody of you when I divorced your mother.”

“I don’t remember my mother,” Castiel admitted.

“That’s understandable.You were only four when she left.She was driven, focused on her career.We married with the understanding that she would have no part in raising Luci and Hannah.She didn’t want the children of my previous marriages.But she paid little attention to her own children, either.Balth she largely ignored, and you were constantly left in the care of nannies.So it was a surprise, really, when she fought me for custody.Then she offered to let me keep Balthazar if she could keep full custody of you.As if I would ever give you up!”The hands moved up to squeeze Castiel’s shoulders.“She received a settlement that was more than fair, signed over custody, and never looked back.Good riddance.All I ever really wanted from her was the two of you anyway.And look at you now!Just look at you!”His father was beaming over his shoulder at him in the mirror.The hands gripped his shoulders.“Look at what a fine, strong, handsome young man you’ve grown into.Matthew 3 verse 17, and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, ‘This is my beloved. Son, in whom I am well pleased.’And I am!I am so proud of you!”

Castiel basked in the praise, smiling at his father’s reflection.“Thank you, father.”

“Do you know why I’m so hard on you?”

“To guide me into the man God wishes me to be,” Castiel recited.

“That’s exactly right!”Zach began fastening the tie around Castiel’s neck, his fingers moving with practiced ease.“I have so many plans for you, Castiel.It is the solemn duty of every man blessed to be a father to guide and correct his son into a true man of God.Someday, you’ll marry, have a son of your own.And you’ll remember my words.You’ll raise your son to be a true man of God, just like you will be.”

Castiel stayed quiet.His father finished the knot, smoothed down the collar of his shirt.Then he took his son’s shoulders and turned Castiel to face him.“I’m hardest on you, Castiel.Much harder than I am on your siblings.But it’s because my greatest hope lies in you.Your brothers are going through a difficult time right now.Your sister, well, she’s an honor student and never gets into trouble at school.But she’s so willful!She smiles to my face, but refuses to act like a proper lady when I introduce her to other families.She’s driven off every boy I have ever introduced her to.She doesn’t have many friends.She trims the skirts I get for her and gets her own clothes that are simply not appropriate.And she constantly questions everything!”Zach gave a deep sigh.“Girls are always difficult, more so without a strong, godly woman in her life.I was thinking of sending her to live with her aunt.”

“Don’t!” Castiel pleaded.“Please don’t send Hannah away.She’s just fitting in here, making friends!”

Zach chuckled.“You and your brothers are always so quick to shield your sister.But don’t worry.I haven’t made any decisions yet.She should probably finish her senior year, at least.But it’s not Hannah I’m thinking of right now.It’s you.The reason your brothers are acting out is because they’re having difficulty adjusting to a new home and a new school.”

Castiel hung his head.

“No, look up at me!Castiel, it’s your fault that we had to move.That much is true.But I knew I couldn’t leave you there with that boy, let him tempt you to sin again.I would have taken you out even if the board hadn’t voted to expel you.Here, far enough away that no one knows your history?You’ve got a real chance to start again.And I’ve found a way to make it happen.”

“Huh?”

“Prior to Balthazar’s unfortunate interruption, I was having the most interesting conversation with a client,” Zach began.“He’s got a daughter about your age, a good Christian girl from a good family.He’s interested in having you meet her.”

Castiel frowned.“Does she go to my school?”

“No, she’s in the next town.Perdition.”

“Perdition?That’s pretty far away.”

“An hour your car.She’s a lovely girl.Her name is Lilith, Lilith Morningstar.Why don’t you take her out on Saturday?”

Castiel shifted uncomfortably.This was hardly the first time his father had arranged a date for him.Without fail, every one had ended in disaster.“I don’t imagine she’ll like me.”

“Nonsense!Her father called and sent her your picture.She’s excited to meet you.You are a very handsome young man.This is a good match.”Zach indicated the remaining shirts on Castiel’s bed.“You should wear that dark blue shirt with the black tie.It will bring out your eyes.She said you have beautiful eyes.”

Castiel sighed.“Alright.”

“That’s my boy!”

To Castiel’s surprise, his father’s dry lips pressed against his temple.A kiss from Zachariah Novak was as rare as a double rainbow.Castiel smiled happily.“I love you, father.”

“I love you, too.”His father’s hands were moving again, running a comb through Castiel’s hair.“Castiel, I swear, your hair is impossible!”

“I know.I usually just comb it and give up.”

“Ugh, that might be for the best.Ah well.Off you go.Get your breakfast and get to school.I’ll call Mr. Morningstar and tell him you’ll pick up Lilith on Saturday, hmm, how about 4pm?You can take her out to eat.I’ll make reservations.”

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll pass along your private number, too,” Zach added, indicating Castiel’s phone.“I’m glad I got you all private lines.You two can talk, get to know each other, without tying up the main line for the house.”Another squeeze on his shoulder.“It’s a good match, Castiel.You’re 16 now.It’s time to start really thinking about your future.”

“Of course, father.”

A squeeze on his shoulder later, Zach was gone.Castiel looked back at the mirror and frowned.His hair really was impossible.Oh well.He doubted that his hair would be the root cause of any problems that came up on his date.Lilith Morningstar.Well, he’d do his best, try to make sure she enjoyed herself.Hopefully, it wouldn’t be a total disaster.

***

Dean looked around, trying to think of what he’d missed.The check to the funeral home was made out, neatly written with his signature.Ditto the check for the lawyer and the check for his father’s fine.There were hardly any groceries in the house, meaning they’d have to go shopping.The mortgage would be coming up next week.Soon after would come the bills for gas, electric, water, and cable.Dean had no idea where the money was going to come from.He’d peeked into the savings account and had winced.Not having the store open after their mother’s death had been costly.So was losing her income, and their father’s from his hunting trips.The accounts for the store were current, but barely in the black.Dean had already dipped as heavily into them as he could and still make payroll and pay the invoices.He didn’t dare take more.No matter what, the store had to survive.They’d lose everything otherwise.

Dean sat at his father’s desk and looked again at the account books he’d lined neatly up.No matter what he tried, they were still short by several thousand dollars.That wasn’t something he could easily make up with odd jobs.His uncle?That was a possibility, but his uncle likely didn’t have that kind of money lying around, either.He rubbed at his temples.He could sell one of the vehicles?The idea of selling his baby turned his stomach, but it wasn’t really an option.They’d already cut down to just the Impala and the truck they used for field work.Not having either one just wasn’t practical, especially since he’d have to do as much field work as he could get to make ends meet and Sammy would need the Impala for transportation while he was out.Dean would have to look into getting another job.He also needed to talk to Sammy about the overtime he’d been picking up.Sam couldn’t work his usual hours at the store, pick up more hours at the motel and still do well in school.

Sammy’s school.Dean’s eyes fell on the book with his brother’s name on it.He felt like throwing up.Sammy’s college fund had enough in it to cover the bills.But his brother would graduate in two years!He’d need that money to buy books and other supplies for school.How could he justify taking the money, endangering his brother’s future?But when he looked around, he realized that, at the moment, it was his brother’s present that was in jeopardy.With their father in jail, he would have to refund the hunting groups that had hired him as their guide.That was worse than losing customers.It meant a bad reputation, especially once word got out that John had been arrested for drunk driving.The loss of John’s income as a hunting guide would cut so deeply into their finances that Dean had no idea how they’d make the mortgage payment.If Dean couldn’t find a way to cover the bills, they would lose the house.

“Dean?”Sammy was coming in, notebook and pen in hand.“I was thinking about the hours at the store.I know dad likes us to stay open late, especially during hunting seasons.But I’ve been thinking about it for a while.Even if it’s you and me running the late hours, the overhead seems like it’s more than what we generally take in.If we close the store at 9pm instead of midnight?We might actually make more money.”

“What about the hunters who come in late?” Dean asked.“If we’re not open, they’re going to Wal-Mart and we lose their business.”

“That’s what dad said the last time I suggested this, but Dean, the numbers just don’t add up,” Sammy insisted.“Even with the income we get from the late guys, I still think we’re losing money by staying open so late.”

Dean sighed.“I’ll talk about it the next time I see dad, ok?”

“Alright.He still doesn’t want me to come?”

“There’s some real sickos in there, Sam,” Dean warned.“I could feel their eyes on me!Creeped me right the fuck out.You stay the hell away!”

“Fine.”Sammy’s eyes flicked over the papers in front of Dean, lingering on the three checks.“We’re pretty short, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, buddy,” Dean admitted.“We really are.I was just thinking about how we’re going to manage.”

“Use this.”Sammy’s hand reached for the college fund.

Dean snatched it away.“Sammy, that’s your college money!You graduate in two years.How the hell am I supposed to replace it in two years?”

“You aren’t.I’m not going to college.”

Dean sputtered.“The hell you’re not!Sammy, you’re smart, you’re in the advanced classes, and you’re going to college even if I have to sell this house and live in a cardboard box to make it happen!”

“It’s my choice.”Sammy looked serious.“I’ve actually been thinking about this, Dean.I know everyone wanted me to go and expected me to be a doctor or lawyer or something.But that isn’t what I want to do.I love working in the store.I want to do field work and keep the family business going.Why do I need a college degree for that?”

“Sammy, that’s cool you want to keep the family business, but this is your whole future!”

“My future,” Sammy stressed.“Not yours, not dad’s, not even mom’s.Mine.And I don’t want to go to college.”

Dean shook his head.“No.I’m sorry, but I can’t accept that.You’d be throwing your whole life away!If you want to keep working at the store, what about business school?”

“What can I learn in business school that I don’t already know or can’t learn as I go by working in the store?” Sammy challenged.“Last year I helped dad with the taxes, so I actually know more about that than you do.I already know how to do inventory and receipts and payroll.And then there’s what you do.You already do more of the advertising than dad anyway.You’ve been helping with the hiring and firing for the past two years.What’s left to learn?”He smiled.“Bottom line is that I’ve got business school right here, and I don’t have to pay student loans to learn.I don’t need a degree to work in the store or do field work, Dean.And that means I don’t need a college fund.”His hand moved, sliding the college fund towards Dean.“Besides, how much studying do you think I’ll do if we lose the house and live in that cardboard box because we can’t pay the mortgage?”

Dean winced.He’d been hoping that Sammy hadn’t figured out that they couldn’t pay the mortgage.But of course he knew.After all, Sammy had been doing the books.“You’re too smart for your own good,” Dean complained.

“Then do you really want me to go to school and get smarter?”

Dean looked at Sammy.“If you change your mind?” he told his brother.“There’s no going back from this.”

“My mind is made up.Take the money.I’ll keep the house and the future I want for myself.”

Before he knew it, Dean was up and embracing his brother.“I love you,” he told Sammy.“I’ll make this up to you somehow.”

“There’s nothing to make up.Now would you please just let me do these bills?We both know I’m way better with figures than you are.”

The fact that he was right didn’t make it less of a burn.Dean settled for giving his brother a dirty look.Then he went to answer the knock on their door.

A smiling woman in a suit with a plastic picture name badge was waiting on the front step.“Dean Winchester?” she asked.“I’m Janet Grice.I’m with Family Services.I need to talk to you and your brother Samuel.”


	17. Family Services

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam meet with Janet Grice of Family Services

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up early and posting early, going to a thing at a friend's today and will probably be too drunk and full of food to post later.
> 
> Song MistyEyes picked here was "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkle

It felt like swallowing a lead brick.Dean numbly let the woman in, calling to his brother.He saw the blood drain out of Sammy’s face as she introduced herself and quickly moved to his brother’s side, gently leading Sammy to the table.

There was no need for alarm, they were told.It was brought to her attention that the recent incarceration of their father left two children of high school age alone without an adult guardian.Were there any adult relatives nearby?No.How old were the children?Dean loudly announced his eighteen years, followed by Sammy’s near-whispered confession of sixteen.“It’s fine,” Dean announced.“I manage the store, and do work on the side so we’ve got extra income.”

“So you are currently in charge of the finances?”

“That’s right.”

“Good.Can you tell me if you have any large outstanding bills?”

Shit.Dean reluctantly told her about the three checks.He had no doubt she would have found out anyway with a quick check.No point in lying.Naturally, she wanted to know where the money would come from.Dean was forced to admit they were planning to break Sammy’s college fund.

The sound of her pen scratching on her tablet seemed very loud.Then she stood up.“I need to do a quick inspection of the premises.”

Fine.Pushing Sammy back down as he tried to rise, Dean gave Grice the grand tour.She made notes in each room.Between school, the store, and his new job, Dean had been too busy to spend much time housekeeping.He’d known that Sammy was picking up extra hours at the motel, as well as doing a big group project for school that he’d apparently been stuck doing most of the work on.Now their sins were coming back to haunt him.Mildew in the shower.Piles of dirty laundry.Unmade beds.And worse in the living room.Grice spent an uncomfortably long time looking at the flies that had made their way through the hole in the screen of the living room window and discovered the empty take-out boxes in the overflowing trash can.By the time she made it to the kitchen and was eyeing the sinks overflowing with dirty dishes, Dean was mortified.“I’m sorry,” he said.“It’s just been really busy.I promise we’ll get this all cleaned up.”

She hummed, not looking in his direction, and moved to the fridge.She looked inside, frowned, looked in the freezer and frowned again.Then she began to look through the cupboards.Dean watched her in silence, rocking back and forth from foot to foot as she continued her inspection.He did not care for the look on her face when she turned around.“I believe I’ve seen all I need to see,” she told him.“I’d like to speak for a bit with the two of you.”

Dean led her into the kitchen, avoiding Sammy’s eyes.He could see from the corner of his eye that Sammy still looked pale.His little brother was looking from Dean to Grice, his eyes moving in small trapped circles as he took in their expressions.“What’s wrong?”

“There’s just some items we need to discuss.I noticed a few things that have me concerned.”Her eyes flicked over Sammy’s slender form.“May I ask how tall you are, how much you weigh?” she asked, drawing out a chart.

“I’m 5’4,” Sammy told her, glancing at Dean.“I weigh about 110.Why?”

The woman’s frown deepened as she looked at the chart.“That’s in the healthy range for a young man your age, but at the low end.I’m concerned at the lack of healthy food in the house.”

“Sorry,” Dean called quickly.“We just didn’t go grocery shopping yet.We’ll be doing that tomorrow.”

Her eyes moved to regard Dean.“You haven’t gone grocery shopping.Your finances are in such a state that you’re being forced to dip into funds your parents have been saving for your brother’s college education.But you’re ordering take-out, by the looks of what I found in the living room, nearly every day?”

“It’s not like that!” Sammy exclaimed as Dean’s heart sank.“We’ve just been so busy with school and work and all the shit with dad that we didn’t have time to cook!”

“Which will now change,” Dean called loudly.“I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow and Sammy will get good, healthy, home cooked meals.He’ll be fine with me.I can take care of him.”

Grice gave Dean a smile that made him bristle.“Dean, I’m sure you’re doing your very best to take care of your brother.But you’re little more than a child yourself.You’ve got your own school to deal with.You’re trying to run your father’s business.By the looks of the gear in the bedroom, you’re into sports.Surely you’re feeling a little overwhelmed!”

“I’m fine,” Dean insisted.“I can take care of Sammy.”

“I can help!” Sammy added.“We both work in the store, plus we have other jobs!Dean works for a security company, and I have a part-time job at the motel...”

She looked up sharply.“You’re both actually working two jobs?”

Sammy seemed to shrink in his chair.“Um, yeah, kind of?I mean, Dean is.The job at the motel, I just clean on some evenings, you know, sweep the floors and polish the furniture.It’s just for a couple of hours for some extra cash.”

“And all I’m doing is security work in the evenings,” Dean said.He hoped she wouldn’t ask what his hours were.Dean rarely got back home before midnight on nights he worked, meaning Sammy was home alone.Those nights, Sammy was on his own for dinner.Knowing Sammy’s culinary skills, Dean had been leaving him money.That accounted for the bulk of the empty take-out containers.“I’m not overwhelmed,” Dean insisted.“I still have time for Sammy.Even if dad has to go to jail for a while, we’re ok.I can get delayed entrance into the military until Sammy turns eighteen...”

“Oh!You enlisted in the armed forces?”

“Yes, ma’am, Marines,” Dean told her proudly.“I already talked to my recruiter.He said I can get family hardship delayed entrance if I need it.”

“But he won’t need it,” Sammy insisted.“Dad’s lawyer says he doesn’t believe dad will have to serve out his entire sentence.He’ll get out, come back.Then Dean will be able to join the Marines, and I’ll be perfectly fine!”

Grice looked at the two brothers.“Boys?” she began.“I’m not your enemy.Honestly, I’m just here to make sure you’re both alright.I know you’re afraid.You’re all alone and things must seem overwhelming right now.But my only job is to make sure that any minor children in this household are properly cared for.So this is my problem.Between the flies in the trash, the mess in the shower and the mold I saw growing on some of the dishes in the sink?This house is not a safe, sanitary environment for a child.”

“I’ll clean it up!” Dean yelled.“I shouldn’t have let it get this bad, but I’ll clean it all up tonight!”

“Then I have my concerns about the lack of proper nutrition.”

“I already told you I’m going grocery shopping.I’ll do it tonight!I’ll go as soon as you leave!I’ll do whatever I have to do!”Dean was on his feet now, fists clenched.He’d unconsciously positioned himself between his brother and Grice.“You’re not taking Sammy away!You’re not!”

“Of course not,” Grice soothed.“The only way I would remove a child from a home is if I saw something that made me feel he was in immediate danger.Assuming that the sanitation issues are cleaned up immediately and groceries are purchased tonight?This is not the case.”Her reassuring smile was back.“Understand, whenever possible, my job is to maintain family units.Dean, you’re eighteen years old.You’re going to school, holding down two jobs and managing the finances.Clearly, you’re willing to care for your brother.And Sam is obviously very capable as well.So if you want to keep him?All you have to do is prove to me that you are capable of doing so.He’s sixteen, meaning that as long as it’s a safe option, he’s able to choose where he wants to stay.”

“I want to stay with Dean!” Sammy immediately called.

“Then show me that’s a safe option,” Grice urged.She got up, collecting her belongings.“I’ll be back tomorrow morning to check on the two of you.Assuming all is well, I’ll be conducting periodic wellness checks.I will also be monitoring Sam’s performance in school, to be sure his education isn’t suffering from any lack of stability at home.”

“My grades are good,” Sammy defended.

“Good.Keep up the good work, and all is well.My only concern is that you are in a safe environment.”

“He’s safe with me,” Dean promised.“I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that.”

“Good.Then I’ll take my leave, let the two of you get to work.I’ll look forward to seeing your improvements on my next visit.”Grice shook hands with both brothers.Then she headed out.

Dean watched her go.Then he bolted for the closet for cleaning supplies.

The next few hours were a flurry of activity.The two brothers scrubbed their house.They took out bags of trash.Dragged down dirty laundry to the washing machine for load after load of cleaning.Leaving Sammy to continue with the laundry, Dean jumped in his baby and headed out for groceries.When he returned, Sammy was pushing the lawnmower by the streetlight.Good.The last thing Dean needed was for Grice to claim he wasn’t fit to care for his brother because his grass was too high.

Dean changed the laundry over and quickly made a late supper.He’d already put it on the table by the time Sammy finished and washed up.Sammy didn’t say a word.Dean watched him for a time, seeing the way his brother’s eyes stared off into space, oblivious to the food in front of him.Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.“Sammy?”

“They’re taking me,” Sammy whispered.“They’re taking me away, Dean!She’s going to come in here tomorrow and find something we missed...”

“Sammy!”

His brother seemed to deflate.His head dropped, his eyes closed as he sank in his chair.“I lost my mom.I lost my dad.Now I’m going to lose you!They’re going to take me away!”

“No one is taking you away!” Dean snapped.“We did everything she said.The only way she can take you is if she finds a clear danger.There isn’t one!The house is clean, there’s plenty of food, and you’re fine.The only thing we need to change is that you need to do less around the store and the house, stop picking up extra hours at the motel, and focus on your schoolwork.Just stick to your studies.And eat!You can’t keep losing weight like this, Sammy.Stay healthy, keep your grades up, and you’ll be fine.No one is going to touch you.”

Sammy didn’t move.His fists were clenched tightly on the table next to his ignored plate.“She wants to take me, Dean,” he insisted.“That’s been her goal since she came in and found out I’m only sixteen.And she’ll do it!She’ll find an excuse, some reason we didn’t think of.Or if she doesn’t find something tomorrow, she’ll wait, keep coming back until she does.One little mistake is all it will take.Then people will come here take me!There’s nothing I can do.They’ll drag me away, put me in the foster system.I’ll never see you or dad again!”

“Sammy, come on!”

“There’s nothing I can do,” Sammy moaned.“They’re taking me away, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them!”

Dean got up, grabbed his brother, and held him tightly.“Listen to me,” he said.“No one is ever taking you away from me, Sammy.Do you hear me?Not now, not tomorrow, not next week, not ever!I swear, if anyone tries it, I’ll take you and run to Mexico!”

Sammy looked up.“Mexico?”

“I’ll take you to fucking Siberia if I have to!Whatever it takes.Because I promise you this.No one is ever taking you away from me, Sammy.No one!”

“Mexico?” Sammy repeated.To Dean’s surprise, he giggled.“You barely passed Spanish, and you want to take me to Mexico?!”

Dean made a face.“I’ll manage.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re a douche nozzle.”

“Jerk!”

“Bitch!”

And then they were both laughing.Dean looked fondly at his brother.“Sammy, do you remember Tina?”

“Not really,” Sammy admitted.“I was only two.”

“Well, Tina was a sweet little brown dog, and my first experience with death,” Dean continued.“I didn’t really understand.I was only four.All I knew was that she got sick and mom and dad said she’d gone to Heaven.But then a couple days later, you got the flu.”

“And you kidnapped me,” Sammy groaned, remembering the story.“I was a two-year-old sick little kid, and you dragged me through the neighborhood and hid with me in a garden shed!”

“You’re damned right I did,” Dean agreed.“Because I was scared to death someone would come and take you to Heaven because you were sick.You remember what mom and dad liked to tell people when they’d tell that story?”

Sammy smiled.“That you’d storm the gates of Heaven to save your brother,” he recalled.

“You’d better believe it,” Dean vowed.“Now, if I’m willing to storm the gates of Heaven to save you?What makes you think I’m going to stand by and let some dumb Family Services bitch take you away from me?”

Sammy sighed.“Then I guess I’d better brush up on my Spanish.As bad as your grades were in that class, if you end up taking me to Mexico, I’m going to need it.”

“Damned right!”

“And I’ll teach you a Mexican hat dance.You can at least manage that, right?”Sammy did a little dance around an imaginary Mexican hat that made them both laugh.Then they were eating dinner and talking about Friday’s game.

Sammy slept well.Dean knew that because he was up at least four times during the night, looking in, making sure his brother was still there.

Grice came the next morning and complimented them on their hard work.Sammy breathed a sigh of relief once she’d gone and was back to his usual self.He clearly believed that the danger was over.But after supper, Dean went into his parent’s bedroom and simply stood for a time.“I’ll take care of Sammy,” he promised the empty air.“I won’t let anyone take him away from me.I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep him safe.I swear it.”


	18. Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has another date with Lilith, but runs into trouble on the way home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a bit of family drama. I apologize for any errors. Wasn't able to do much more than just post it.

Castiel’s date with Lilith Morningstar went surprisingly well, so well that they made a second date for the following week.That was now coming to an end.It had gone just as well as the first one.Castiel breathed a prayer of thanks.Lilith stayed close to him, frequently touched him, but she didn’t try to constantly hold on to him the way Stella Green had.She stayed at his side, but didn’t get jealous if he talked to another girl.She was sweet, well-mannered.She thought Castiel was very cute.She laughed about how shy and quiet he was and gently encouraged him out of his shell.Eventually, she got him talking about his interests.That led to him talking about his friends as he was walking her back to her door.

“Sam Winchester?” she asked with a puzzled frown.“Why is that name familiar?”

“He’s a cheerleader, the only guy in our school,” Castiel explained.“He’s very popular.”

“Oh, the guy cheerleader!”Lilith snapped her fingers.“That’s where I know that name.I’m a cheerleader at my school, too, but we don’t have any guys.No one else has one.So yeah, pretty much every cheerleader in the district knows who Sam Winchester is.”She pursed her lips.“He’s cute.Good dancer, but he’s really short.That’s your best friend?”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed proudly.“He’s a great guy!I spend a lot of time with him and his brother Dean.”

“Dean Winchester?”Lilith wrinkled her nose.“I heard he was a faggot.”

Castiel froze.“Dean prefers guys, yes.”

She eyed him.“Has he ever hit on you?”

“We’re friends,” Castiel stressed.“Dean’s preferences have nothing to do with who he is.”

“You’re right,” Lilith said quietly.“That was, wow.I’m a real bitch, aren’t I?And the thing is?I honestly don’t care one way or another about homosexuals.What I said?That’s my parents talking, not me.I’m sorry, Castiel.”

Castiel felt warm.“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.I was a bitch.”She gave him a shy smile.“So what’s he like?”

“Dean?He’s great.He’s a nice guy, kind, generous to a fault.He’d do anything for his family.They’ve gone through some real hard times lately.Their mom died, and their dad…Their dad isn’t around right now.”She didn’t need to know about John’s arrest.“Dean’s the one who’s stepped up.He’s managed the house and the store…”

“Store?”

“Winchester Outdoors,” Castiel explained.“They have this little outdoor store where they sell hunting and fishing and camping stuff.It’s nice.They showed me how to run the register because I asked.Sometimes when I’m there and the store is busy?I’ll run the register while they wait on customers.”

“Huh,” Lilith said.“Small business owners.That’s cool.So you work for them?”

“I’m volunteering,” he clarified.“They never asked me to do it and I never asked them to pay me.They gave me some looks the first few times I did it.But now they just say ‘thank you’ and that’s the end of it.”

“Wow,” Lilith declared, “you’re really a cool guy!”

That made him blush.“They’re my friends.I like to spend time with them in the store.No reason I can’t help out while I’m there, right?”

“You need a reward.”She looked thoughtful.“We’re playing this Friday at home.Why don’t you come?I’ll sit you in the perfect place where you can watch me cheer.Afterwards, you can take me to the dance!What do you think?”

“Sure!” Castiel agreed.Dean’s team, he knew, was away this week.He’d be free to go to Lilith’s game.He’d also been to a few dances since the first.While he still didn’t feel exactly comfortable, at least now he was reasonably sure he wouldn’t step on her toes.

Lilith beamed.“Great!Then I’ll see you at the game!”

Castiel smiled back at her.He was completely unprepared when she suddenly threw her arms around his neck, dragged his head down, and kissed him.Startled, Castiel gasped and drew back from her.“Wh-wha…?!”

She laughed and put her arms around his neck again.“You’re so shy and cute!Haven’t you ever kissed a girl before?”

“No,” Castiel said honestly.Lilith was only the third time anyone outside of his family had kissed him at all.

For some reason, this seemed to please Lilith.She stepped closer and put her arms around his neck.“Come here,” she said softly.“You can put your arms around me, angel.It’s alright.”

Relax, Castiel.It’s a natural thing.He put his arms around her waist as though she might shatter with the slightest jostle.That made her laugh.She tightened her arms around his neck.Her hand went to the back of his head, pulling him down.She was kissing him again.

It was nice enough.Lilith seemed to have some experience with kissing.Her lips were firm without being too rough.She pressed against him, soft and warm.He leaned into the kiss, returning it as best as he could manage.But it just didn’t feel right.She was too soft.Her face was too smooth.The arms around his neck had no strength.He could easily pull them off.The kiss was mechanical, nothing more.Natural or not, this wasn’t what he wanted.

Then her tongue was licking into his mouth.

Castiel gasped and drew back, standing back up and immediately letting go of her.She held on to him.For a few seconds, she dangled from his neck, toes off the ground, before she let go and dropped.“I’m…I’m sorry,” Castiel stammered.“I don’t…I’m not…”

She was giggling.Her hand was still on the back of his neck.Her other hand covered her mouth.“You cannot be any more adorable!It’s ok.You won’t be in any trouble!”

“But I…”

She cut him off by pulling him down to kiss him again.He let it happen.This time, she didn’t try anything more.She kissed him a bit more and then, thankfully, let him go.She pressed against his chest, smiling up at him through her lashes.“I’ll see you Friday.”

“Alright.”Castiel managed to smile back at her.Then he was able to walk back to the relative safety of his car and drive off.

A few miles down the road, Castiel pulled over.He sat for a moment.Lilith was a lovely girl.He enjoyed spending time with her.He’d be happy to have her as a friend.But he wasn’t interested in anything more.In his heart, he knew he simply didn’t want her to kiss him again.And she would.She’d kiss him on their date, probably more than once.He didn’t want that.Thinking of her trying to lick into his mouth only made him feel unhappy and uncomfortable.

The problem was, Castiel wasn’t against kissing, not even deep kisses like she clearly wanted.But when he thought of what he did want, his mind was filled with green eyes.Strong arms wrapped tightly around him.Being held against a hard, solid chest.Stubbled cheeks that scratched at his skin.Dean.  Dean Winchester may have ruined Castiel for kissing anyone, male or female.But Dean wasn’t his date.Lilith was.What was he going to do?He’d already agreed to the date.He couldn’t back out now.Somehow, someway he’d have to get through this.After that, well, he’d have to think.

Troubled, Castiel started driving again.He was so lost in his thoughts it took him a moment when, about a block from his home, he saw a pair of familiar figures.In fact, he might have driven right past without noticing them if one hadn’t pushed the other so hard he nearly fell out onto the road in front of Castiel.

Castiel slammed on the brakes and pulled over.Now he could hear the yelling.He quickly parked and got out.Then he ran to the two, dragging one off of the other.“Stop!Diego!What are you doing?!”

The receiver was snarling.He shoved past Castiel, determined to dive again on the other boy.Castiel quickly moved to block.“Stop it!He’s smaller than you!”

“Get the hell out of my way, Novak!”

“No!”Castiel braced, making sure to position himself between Sam Winchester and the furious larger boy menacing him.“I am not going to let you hit him again,” he warned.“Just tell me what’s wrong?”

“He slept with Leslie!” Diego accused, pointing angrily at Sam over Castiel’s shoulder.“That son of a bitch slept with my girlfriend!”

“I already told you, she said you broke up!” Sam defended.He was rubbing at a red mark on the side of his face.

“So you went and fucked her?!”

“Dude, she came onto me, alright?”

“Winchester, I will fucking tear you apart!”

“Stop!”Castiel had to put his hands on Diego’s chest and physically hold the other boy back.“Diego, beating up Sammy is not going to bring Leslie back to you, alright?If anything, it’s going to make whatever is wrong between you worse.Now, unless Sammy raped her, which I don’t think anyone believes happened?Leslie did whatever she did on her own.So how about going and talking to her instead of trying to take it out on Sammy?”

“Because he knew how much I loved her!” Diego roared.“He fucking knew, and he still screwed her?!What the hell, Sammy?!I thought you were my fucking friend!”

“I am your friend, Diego!” Sam yelled back.“And I’m her friend, too.That’s why, when Leslie came to me and said you two broke up and she needed some help recovering?”

“You fucked her!”

“I said I was sorry!”

“You’re sorry.You fucked the woman I thought I was going to marry, and you say you’re fucking sorry?!”

“I am!”Sam spread his hands to his sides.“Diego, I wouldn’t have touched her if I had known she’d just dumped you and you were still hurting, ok?I just assumed it was a mutual thing, I guess.I don’t know, man.I didn’t think.It didn’t mean anything to either one of us.It was one time, and it was just sex.”

“Just sex.”Diego’s face was still red, but he wasn’t yelling anymore.Now his voice sounded more bitter than angry.“Well, what the hell can I say?I knew she cheated on me because she told me she’d found someone else when she dumped me.But now, to find out it was you?”His hands were still on Castiel’s shoulders, but now he seemed to be gripping for support rather than trying to push through to reach Sam.“Cas, this has nothing to do with you, and I know you’re his friend.So would you please just take him home?I really need for him to stay out of my way for a while.”

Castiel nodded.“Alright.Sam, get in the car.”

Sam seemed to wilt.“Sorry, Diego.I never meant…”

“Sam!” Castiel snapped, suddenly angry.“Get in the car!Now!”

Sam blinked at him in surprise.Then he obediently turned and got into Castiel’s car.

Castiel turned back to Diego.“I’m not making excuses for him,” he began, “but Sammy’s been through a lot.”

“He’s been through a lot alright,” Diego growled.“I found out it was him because I heard she was complaining to another girl that he banged her once and then never called her back.Leslie’s hardly the only girl he’s screwed and ditched lately.And I’m not the only guy who’d like to have a serious chat with him about it!”He shook his head.“I don’t get him.Sammy’s always been a player, you know, never stayed in a serious relationship for long.But he’s never been like this!Hopping from girl to girl, screwing anything that moves?”

“He’s filling a void.”

“I’ll say!”

“No, I don’t mean that.”Castiel sighed.“Sam’s lost so much.He’s got this huge hole in his life and he’s looking for anything, no matter how fleeting, to try to fill it.He’s messed up, Diego.”

“You can say that again.”Diego frowned at Castiel.“Take him home, but word of advice.Watch your own back yard, buddy.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your sister, Hannah?”Diego jerked his head towards the car.“Word is, she’s had her eye on Sam.The way he’s been?She’ll be the next notch he carves on his bedpost!”

“Hannah?”Castiel snorted.“Don’t be ridiculous.Hannah’s saving herself for marriage.Besides, Sam’s my best friend.He’d never do that, not with my sister!”

“Had you asked me about a week ago?I would have said the same thing about Leslie.Now?”Diego shook his head.“Now, I don’t even know who the hell Sam Winchester is anymore.”

Castiel had no idea what to say to that.He returned to the car and glanced over at Sam.

Sam was visibly sulking in his seat.“You guys done talking about me?”

“Sam?” Castiel began.“What you’re doing with these girls…”

“Stop,” Sam warned.“Just don’t even start, ok?I don’t ask you about your personal life, do I?So you don’t get to ask me about mine.”

“I’m not here to preach at you.It’s just, these empty relationships you keep having?They can’t possibly be a good thing.That level of intimacy should be saved and only shared with someone you love.”

“You know Dean and Benny have been fucking, right?Yeah,” Sam continued, seeing Castiel freeze.“Dean knows you’ve got some chick you’ve been dating.That’s where you were today, isn’t it?Why you’re so dolled up, with lipstick on your mouth?Well, right now, Dean’s out somewhere with Benny.They’re friends with benefits.Did you know that, Cas?”

“Sammy, why are you telling me this?” Castiel asked through numb lips.He wiped at his mouth, trying to remove the lipstick.

“To prove to you that you are the only one who actually believes that stupid shit!”Sam sighed, dug into the glove compartment for a tissue, and wiped at Castiel’s mouth.“Fuck, I’m an asshole.I don’t want to hurt you, Cas.But I brought up Dean and Benny for a reason.What they’re together doing doesn’t mean anything.They’re friends with benefits, and when they’re both alone, they go to each other for comfort.That’s what people do, ok?Because you know what sex is?It’s a release.For a little while, you can focus on physical pleasure and forget all the shit in your life.The only time it becomes bad is when you throw emotions into the mix, like Diego did.”

Castiel took the tissue.He frowned at the lipstick, tossed it angrily in the trash, and turned to regard his friend.“Sammy, did you know that he wasn’t over Leslie?”

“Of course not!I’m not a fucking monster, Cas!Holy shit, you’re my best friend!How can you even ask me that?”

“Because you probably lost Diego as a friend tonight.”Castiel leaned back in his seat.“Sex without emotion?It’s empty, cold.If there’s nothing behind it, you may as well be with a prostitute or a blow-up doll.”

“Yeah, well, that can be fun, too.”

“It won’t fill that void, Sam.”

Now Sam froze.Without looking, he reached over and took Cas’s wrist.“Cas?I love you.But I cannot talk about this with you right now.Will you please just take me home?”

“Yeah.”

Castiel started the car and drove Sam home.In his mind, he was replaying Diego’s warning.It was still in his thoughts when he pulled into the garage.

Hannah was in her room.Her headphones were on.She was bobbing her head in time to her music as she worked on her homework.As a result, she didn’t realize Castiel had come in until he put his hand on her shoulder.Startled, she looked up and smiled.“Hey, Cassie!How was your date?”

“Fine.Hannah, is something going on between you and Sam Winchester?”

She blushed, hard.“I’m sorry if it’s causing any friction between the two of you,” she began, oblivious to how cold Castiel suddenly felt.“And I know he’s got a reputation.But don’t worry.I’m not like these girls at school, alright?I want a relationship.A steady boyfriend, not a one-night stand.”

“And you think you can have that with Sam?”Castiel rubbed at his face.“Hannah, Sam’s not really in a place where he can have a real relationship right now.He’s…”

“Ok, Cas, do I have to remind you which of us is legally an adult and which of us is a silly little sophomore?”She reached out and squeezed his arm.“Relax, alright?I’m not going to take your best friend away.I like Sam.I’ll admit I have a crush.He’s cute.He’s popular.He dances really well.He’s funny.And we’ve been talking a lot.He’s really sweet.We’ve got a good thing, Cassie.But he’s your best friend before he’s my boyfriend.If my talking to him is going to cause trouble between the two of you?”

“No, it’s ok.  I’m sorry, Hannah.  I should have trusted you.”

“Yes, you should have.And I probably should have talked to you before, when he first asked me out.”

“You are a legal adult,” Castiel admitted reluctantly.  “You can date whoever you want.”

“Thank you for giving me your blessing to date your best friend.  Now get out of my room.”

Castiel leaned down to kiss her cheek, earning himself a smile.Then he returned to his own room.It would be fine.Hannah wasn’t like these other girls.And Sammy was his best friend.He’d never treat Castiel’s sister the way he’d treated Leslie.Castiel was sure of it.


	19. Arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the furnace in the Winchesters' home breaks down, Dean is forced to make a terrible choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song from MistyEyes is "Lean On Me" by Bill Withers
> 
> Trigger warnings for non-con

“It’s not going to be cheap,” the man warned.“Exactly how are you planning to pay for this?”

That was the question of the day.October was almost here and the weather variated wildly.Yesterday, it had been so hot Dean had been standing under a cool shower for relief.Then last night, the temperature had dropped low enough for the furnace to kick in.The Winchesters had been awakened by an awful screeching noise that had continued until Dean had managed to turn the furnace off.Come morning, Dean had immediately called Berger’s Heating and Cooling.

Jim Berger himself had come out.Dean had called the school, explained the situation, and had sent Sammy alone on the bus while he stayed behind.Now Berger had the furnace in multiple pieces, spread out on the floor of the hallway.Dean knew enough about machines to recognize that what he was seeing wasn’t good.He swallowed.“So you have to replace the entire furnace?” he asked weakly.“Any way that I could get, I don’t know, something refurbished, or…?”

“Sorry, kid.You need a whole new furnace, new filters, and the ducts cleaned.Your folks could have saved a lot if they’d had yearly maintenance done.”

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t help me now,” Dean groaned.“Alright.Can I pay in installments?”

“No can do.That’s asking me to give you credit.I do that, all my customers would want it.I’d be out of business in a month.”

“Then what are my options?”

“Well, you have a few choices here,” Berger began.“One, you can put this on a credit card.”

“They’re all pretty much maxed out,” Dean admitted.

“Two, you can run to the bank, try to get some money on credit?”

“Don’t think that’s going to happen either,” Dean sighed.“We’re just stretched too thin, with not enough coming in.Come on, man!There’s got to be something we can do here, some kind of arrangement we can make?”

“Sure, we can make an arrangement,” Berger agreed.He got to his feet.“You’re Dean Winchester, right?In that case, I can make some special arrangements just for you.Assuming, of course, that what I’ve heard about you is true?”

Dean was suddenly cautious.“What you’ve heard about me?”

Berger frowned.“I don’t know what the politically correct term is for it anymore.Shit like that changes every other day.Used to be, they were called ‘half a bubble off center’ or ‘light in the loafers.’I know they don’t like to be called ‘fags,’ so…”

“Are you asking me if I’m gay?” Dean asked, confused.“Yeah, I am.Is that a problem?”

“No, not a problem at all.In fact, that’s a good thing, at least in this case.”Berger took a step closer.He licked his lips, his eyes roving over Dean in a way that made Dean feel uncomfortable.“See, I’m not into guys myself, not even pretty boys like you.But since you are, and you are a pretty boy, that works out all around.Because I’ve heard there’s one thing that a gay guy can do better than any woman, and that’s give head.So…”

“What?!”Dean stumbled back, sliding along the wall to put distance between himself and the man.“You can’t be serious!”

“Oh come on, now, don’t play hard to get.”Berger moved closer, smiling at Dean.“Here’s the deal, kid.You take care of me, and I’ll take care of you.”

“Get the hell away from me!”

“You haven’t even heard my terms.”

“I don’t give a shit!I’m not about to do anything with you except boot your sick ass out the door!Pick up your shit and get the fuck out of my house!”

Dean was about to go hold the door when Berger grabbed his arms, dragged him back, and slammed Dean against the wall.“Don’t you shoot your mouth off to me, you little shit!I’m trying to help you here!It’s pretty damned obvious that you can’t afford the repairs you need.And I guarantee no one else is going to give you a better deal.”

“You need to take your hands off of me,” Dean warned.He hoped he sounded more certain than he felt.Dean was not a small guy, but Berger was older, larger, and built like a truck.His fingers were digging into Dean’s arms where he held him.If it came down to a fight, Dean wasn’t sure he could beat him, especially now he’d been pinned against the wall.

Fortunately, Berger let go of him.He took a step back, raising his hands.“Relax, kid.I’m not going to force you.I just want you to understand what I’m offering before you make up your mind.We’re at the end of September already.It’s only going to get colder.Now, I have everything you need out in my truck.I can replace this furnace right here and now.But let’s face it, kid.You can’t pay for it.Not without making some arrangements.”

“My body is off the table,” Dean declared.“I’m not whoring myself out to get my furnace repaired, ok?”

“I’m not asking you to.I already told you, I’m not into guys.”Berger licked his lips again, his eyes locked on Dean’s mouth.“All I’m asking you to do is get down on your knees, take it out, and use your hands and your mouth the way I know you can.Do that, and I’ll replace this furnace and let you pay on a deferment plan.You take it down your throat?I won’t charge you for labor.And if you’re a real good boy, and you swallow everything I give you?I’ll even give you a discount on the parts.All you gotta do is make it good.You think you can make it good?”

“I think I’ll just bust out the kerosene heaters again until I can get the money to pay someone else who isn’t a sick perverted fuck!”

“Kerosene heaters?”Berger chuckled and shook his head.“Don’t you watch the news?Every day, you hear about people’s houses burning down from those things, or people dying of carbon monoxide poisoning from them.You’re a big strong kid, but your brother’s just a little runt.How long do you think he’ll last if his space heater starts pumping out carbon monoxide?”Berger tilted his head, studying Dean.“You know, come to think of it?You barely look legal.Your brother can’t possibly be.Does family services know the two of you are in here with no heat?”

Dean grew still.“I need to think,” he managed.“I need to think things over, decide what to do.Can you come back tomorrow after school?”

Berger nodded.“I can do that.You going to be alone?”

Dean looked away.“Yeah.I’ll be home alone.Sammy’s got practice.I’ll skip mine, tell coach I’m not feeling well.”It certainly wouldn’t be a lie.Dean’s stomach was churning right now.

“Good boy.”Berger reached out a hand.He cupped Dean’s chin, running a grubby thumb over Dean’s lips.“We’ll have fun, won’t we, kid?”

Dean grimaced, clenching his fists.“I haven’t decided anything yet, ok?Leave me alone!”

Berger chuckled.His thumb traced over Dean’s lips again.“You think it over, do whatever you have to do.I’ll come back tomorrow with all I need to replace your furnace.Then we’ll get to our arrangements.”

Everything in Dean wanted to punch the man in the face, to shove him away and scream at him to take his hands off of him.But he couldn’t.Berger’s threat about family services had hit home.Dean had no heat in his house and winter coming fast.Would that qualify as unsafe living conditions?Dean thought it would.Would that make Grice return, take Sammy away?No.No matter what, Dean couldn’t let that happen.“I said I’ll think about it,” he managed.“Just take your hands off me and go!”

Still smiling, Berger let go of Dean.He quickly gathered his tools.He gave Dean one more promising smile as he passed, handing him his estimate.Then he was out the door, and Dean was alone.

Dean’s legs seemed to give out.He slid down to sit on the floor, pulled his knees up to his chest, and buried his head.For a time, he just sat there, shaking.It was like he could still feel the man’s hands on him.

After a moment, Dean regained control of himself enough to think.He went through the phone book, calling other heating repair services and asking their prices to compare to Berger’s invoice.To his dismay, Berger was right.What he was offering, even without what the man had suggested to lower the price even more, was the best Dean was going to get.And even that was more than Dean could afford.The only way he could afford the repairs was to do what Berger asked.

Dean tried to imagine going through with it, giving Berger what he wanted.The thought made him want to throw up.He couldn’t do it.The man was older than Dean’s father.The idea of letting that monster touch him again was sickening.To actually do what he’d asked?How could Dean possibly get through it?

Sammy.Sammy needed heat.Somehow, Dean had to find a way to get these repairs done.And it had to be soon.After the threat Berger had made, Dean had no doubt that the terrible man would call family services if Dean refused.Even if Dean reported Berger and the man was arrested, Dean still would have no heat in his house.Grice would take Sammy away.Dean was sure of it.No.He had to have heat.Nothing else mattered.He had to protect his brother.For Sammy, Dean would give up anything.

Anything at all.

***

Sammy raised an eyebrow at Dean that evening when Dean finally returned to the house, sweaty and out of breath.He’d come home to a note from his brother saying he had some things to take care of.Now here Dean was, looking like he’d just run a marathon.“What’s up with you?”

“I was out running,” Dean panted.“Let me get a shower and change and I’ll start supper.”

Sammy waved a hand in front of his face.“I’ll start supper.Go get a shower, Dean.You smell like a used jock strap.”

Dean quickly went for a shower.When he returned, he kept the conversation light, hoping to avoid any uncomfortable questions.Of course, Sammy asked about the furnace.“He’s ordering a part,” Dean lied.“It’s not bad.He should be able to come back after school tomorrow and take care of it.”

“So another freezing night?Wonderful,” Sammy complained.“I guess we’re busting out the kerosene heaters again.”

“No,” Dean said quickly.“You’re bunking with me tonight.We’ll zip two sleeping bags together.That will keep us warm.”

Sammy wrinkled his nose.“Dude, do you have any idea how loudly you snore?Plus it means it’ll be freezing when we get up!”

“Nothing we’re not used to from camping.”

“Come on, Dean, let’s just get the kerosene heaters going!”

“I’m not using those stupid things that are nearly as old as you are and could either catch fire or fill the place up with carbon monoxide!” Dean snapped.

Sammy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.He raised his hands.“Ok, ok, geez, what’s biting you?”

“I’m just not comfortable using them, ok?Tonight you’re sleeping with me and that’s final.Get a shower after dinner before it gets too cold.I’ll get the sleeping bags.”

For a moment, it looked like Sam would protest.If he did, Dean had every intention of physically forcing his brother.But Sammy only shook his head.“I hope Berger’s as good as his word.Tomorrow night it’s supposed to frost.”

“He’ll get it fixed tomorrow.”Or else, Dean thought darkly.After what it was costing Dean to replace the furnace, it had better be flawless.

Fortunately, Sam didn’t argue anymore or press the issue.He got his shower and came into their father’s office, only to see Dean already there.“I got the books,” Dean called.“Just focus on your homework, ok?”

Sammy shrugged.“Don’t mess it up, jerk.”

“Don’t worry about it, bitch.”Dean would have to do the books for a few days, at least.It was the only way he could keep Sammy from seeing the figures surrounding the furnace repair.Sooner or later, Dean knew, his brother would find the discrepancy.Sammy was just too smart for his own good.Oh well.Dean had a few days to try to think of something.

Sam climbed in with Dean without protest.He protested plenty the next morning through chattering teeth.Dean found himself compared to a grizzly bear, a team of lumberjacks, a swarm of angry bees, and a 747 on take-off.Whatever.

Dean caught the bus with his brother and had an uneventful day at school.He caught the bus back while Sammy went to cheer practice.Then he waited.

Berger showed up right on time.Dean went out without a word and helped him bring the parts for the new furnace into the house.Then the man was closing the door and in Dean’s space, reaching for the teen.

Immediately Dean pulled away.“Stay away!Don’t you fucking touch me!”

“What the hell is this?” Berger complained.“I came out here with the parts, and I expect to get paid, one way or another.Now do we have a deal, kid?”

“Yeah.”Dean dug into his pocket, found a cashier’s check, and shoved it at Berger’s chest.“That’s the exact amount you quoted me, including parts, labor, and tax.Thank you for fixing our furnace.Please do it and get out.Don’t come near me or my family again!”

Berger blinked in surprise at the check.Then he frowned.“You could have paid a hell of a lot less if you’d just given me what I wanted.”

“I know.But what you wanted is never going to happen.Just leave me alone, do your job and get out!”

Berger rolled his eyes.“Don’t get your panties in a twist, princess, I wasn’t going to force you.”

Dean didn’t answer.He stayed well out of arm’s length and watched everything Berger did.But the man didn’t do anything except replace and repair the furnace.Soon, the furnace was running quietly.Dean checked and smiled when he felt the heat.

Neither said a word as Berger packed up and left.

***

“You’re not fooling anyone, you know.”

“Huh?”Dean blinked at his brother in confusion.He’d just driven out to pick up his brother after cheer practice when Sammy had made this announcement.

“This!”Sam indicated their father’s recently-repaired truck.“You never drive the truck.I suspected when your Impala wasn’t in the driveway, but now I’m sure.It’s in the shop again, isn’t it?And that’s why you didn’t want me to see the books!Because between whatever the furnace cost and now car repairs?You don’t want me to know how bad off we are!”

Dean’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.“Don’t worry about it, Sammy.”

“I worry!Holy shit, Dean, we are in this together!Can’t you see that?”Sammy was shaking Dean’s arm, looking pleadingly at him.“Please!Just tell me how bad it is?”

“It’s not.I’ve got it covered, ok?”

“Dean, god damn it, stop treating me like a little kid that you have to protect!”

Dean turned and looked his brother sharply in the eye.“Look at me.I am telling you, we are fine.I need you to trust me on this, alright?I’ve got the money situation worked out.Just keep your focus on your grades.That’s the most important thing.I will handle everything else.”

“Sure, Dean,” Sammy sighed.“Sure.Keep taking all of my control away.Don’t let me help.Just call me Sam Winchester, mushroom, right?Keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit?”

“You can look at the fucking books yourself if you want!”

“Forget it, Dean.Just forget it.Take me home and don’t bother making me anything for dinner.I lost my appetite.”

“You’re eating something, Sammy.”

“Fuck you!”

“I said you’re eating something!” Dean yelled, finally losing his temper.“I don’t care if I have to fucking tie you to the chair and spoon feed you, you are eating supper tonight!”

“Sure, fine, whatever.”

The brothers rode in silence.Sammy’s eyes were fixed out the window when they arrived, lingering on the spot where Dean’s baby usually was parked.“How long is she going to be in the shop?”

Dean swallowed around the lump in his throat.“Could be a while.”

“Great.Whatever, you got it all sorted out, right?”Without waiting for an answer, Sammy stormed into the house.

Dean lingered, looking for a time at the spot in the driveway.There was no indication that the beautiful Impala had ever been there.Maybe that was better.

At supper, he watched his brother carefully, monitoring every bite Sammy put into his mouth.He pointed out that Sammy was mostly pushing his food around on his plate, resulting in another screaming match.But in the end, Sammy finished his plate.Dean counted it as a victory.Once again, he’d succeeded in getting his brother to eat.Anymore, that was becoming harder and harder to do.

Funny thing, though.Even though Dean was making sure Sammy was eating at least half of every meal, his brother still seemed to be losing weight.

***

Two days later, Dean was getting some looks at practice.Even Benny was acting weird.It seemed like half the team was making an excuse to pull Dean aside and ask him if everything was alright, or if Dean needed anything?Dean sent them on their way with a smile or a chuckle, assuring them that everything was fine.But Benny kept watching him.

It was no surprise at all when his friend buttonholed him in the locker room.“You got something you want to tell me?”

“No, Benny,” Dean sighed.“Everything is fine.It’s rough, and we’re fighting a lot, but we’re managing.I appreciate everyone’s concern.”

“Yeah.”For some reason, Benny’s eyes went to Diego and lingered.Diego only nodded at them and went on his way.Benny took a deep breath, and Dean prepared for a lecture.“I’m going to follow you home,” Benny said instead.“Drop off your brother and then come with me.”

Dean groaned.“Not tonight, Benny, ok?I’m tired and not in the mood.”

“This isn’t about sex.I’m your best friend and you need to trust me.Just do what I asked you to do.Alright?”

“Alright,” Dean agreed, puzzled.His curiosity was piqued.The way Benny was acting, especially combined with everyone else, was odd.It was worth looking into, at least.

Sammy only rolled his eyes when Dean dropped him off and climbed in with Benny.No doubt the younger Winchester believed he knew exactly what his brother was doing.But Benny was oddly quiet.

Then Benny pulled into the used car dealership owned by Uriel’s father, and Dean groaned.“Come on, Benny.Don’t do this, ok?”

“I think I deserve some kind of explanation.That is one car I thought I’d never see on this lot again,” Benny began as he parked.“So you can imagine my surprise when Uriel called me, asking what was going on that you’d just sold your Impala!”

“The furnace in the house went out,” Dean admitted.“I had to sell her to afford the repairs.If I didn’t get the heat fixed, family services might have taken Sammy away.”Dean had no intention of mentioning the arrangements Berger had wanted.That was a secret he’d take to his grave.

Benny pounded on his steering wheel.“Fuck you, Dean Winchester!Fuck you sideways!If you needed help, all you had to do was ask!”

“You do not have the kind of money it took to repair that furnace, Benny,” Dean argued.“This way, I had money for that and a little more in case anything else breaks down.”

“And you gave up your pride and joy.Dean, that car was practically part of your soul!”

“I loved my baby, Benny.But she was just a car.Sammy?He’s part of my soul.”

Something softened in Benny’s face for a moment.Then he was out of the car, glaring at Dean again.“Off your ass,” he ordered.“Follow me.”

Confused and heartsick, Dean followed Benny into the garage.

To his surprise, the animals were waiting.And there, spotless and gleaming, was his baby.Uriel was spinning the keys on his finger.“I will be doing detailing for a solid month to pay my father back for not changing the title and shredding the papers you signed,” he announced.

“Oh my…Uriel, I can’t afford to buy her back!” Dean protested.It was all he could do to keep from breaking down.Selling his baby was hard enough.Admitting he couldn’t buy her back was all but killing him.

But to his surprise, the animals actually laughed.“We all chipped in,” Joe announced.“Benny called us, and we all gave whatever we could.She’s yours, Dean.”

Dean stopped breathing.

“Least we can do for all the pies your mom baked for us over the years,” Benny said.“Both your parents helped with the fund raisers and football camp, and put up with us for how long?”

“Just take it and quit crying like a girl, Dean!”

“We love you, man.”

“Next time you need help, ask us!”

Dean was sobbing.He couldn’t help it.When he’d sold his baby, he’d been prepared to never see her again or, worse, see her in the hands of someone who wouldn’t take proper care of her.Never in a million years did he think he’d own her again.But now Uriel was pressing her keys into his hand and Diego was shoving a handkerchief at him.Wait, that was wrong.Dean blinked at Diego.“Diego, what are you even doing here, man?Isn’t it Leslie’s birthday?”

“We broke up a while back,” Diego explained gruffly.“Bitch cheated on me anyway.”

Dean was shocked at that.But he was being pushed towards his baby.He climbed behind the wheel and forgot everything else.After that it was a chorus of thank yous and smiles and pats on the back.The animals were so much more than his teammates.In some ways, the ways that really mattered, the team was a band of brothers.

***

Sammy was waiting for him when he got home.“I see you got your precious baby back from the shop.”

Dean smiled.He’d driven around for a bit, regained control, and was fairly certain no one could tell he’d been crying.“Yeah, Sammy, I did.”

“I looked at the books,” Sammy began.“You want to tell me where the hell all that money came from?”

“Friends,” Dean explained.“It was a gift from some friends.”


	20. Away Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to Lilith's game, but unfortunately, the opponents are the Lawrence Bulldogs

The Perdition Demons had a stadium that screamed “rich kids.”Big and well-lit, with a playing field that didn’t have a bare patch to be seen.Even the concession stands were spotless.And of course, their equipment was top rate.But the animals barely noticed it.Dean and his friends were gathered together on the sidelines before the start of the game, staring at the other team.

“What the hell are they feeding those guys?” Diego wondered.“Did they put steroids in the water or something?”

“We’ll be able to run circles around them,” Benny predicted.“Guys that big are slow.”

“Yeah, but first we have to get past them,” Diego pointed out.“This is going to be a rough game.”

“Says you,” Uriel groaned.“We gotta hold those big bastards!”

“We are so fucked,” Joe agreed.

“I know you idjits aren’t talking yourselves into a loss before the game’s even started, right?” Coach Singer called.

Oh, no.Of course not.They would never do that.

Coach Singer stormed off.Immediately Joe began moaning again.“Fucked!We are so fucked!”

Dean was inclined to agree, but his mind wasn’t on the game.It, and his eyes, were fixed on the home stands.They were packed with people, but seated right up front, just behind the fence where the Perdition cheer squad would be, was the last person Dean ever thought he’d see in the opposing stands.Castiel Novak wore a light grey sweater this time, with a sock monkey hat.He was hunched over, almost as if he was trying to hide.Why?Why would Cas be here, sitting in the Perdition stands?

The Demonesses, Perdition High’s cheer squad, were running out.Their mascot wore a racy red demoness costume complete with horns, a red sequined eye mask, fishnet stockings and a tail that protruded from her skirt.In one hand she carried a pitchfork that she waved at the crowd.The costume was generally admired by the animals, who immediately forgot about the giants on the opposing team and started talking about the Demoness.But the Demoness paid no attention.She was standing on a milk crate so she could lean over the fence separating the the fans from the edge of the field where the cheerleaders were.And Cas, Dean’s lovely angel, was smiling, standing up and leaning forward to share a quick kiss with the Demoness.Dean’s stomach twisted.So this was Cas’s girlfriend.

“Oh, hell no!” Benny growled next to Dean’s ear.“Say the word, brother.I’ll go over there and kick Novak’s ass!What the hell does he think he’s doing, kissing that ho right in front of you?!”

“Going on with his life.”The words were bitter in Dean’s mouth and more so in his heart.“Cas made it clear he wasn’t interested.It’s been weeks, Benny.Now he’s gone on with his life.I knew he had a girlfriend, ok?I just didn’t know who she was.For obvious reasons, I didn’t ask much about it.”

“Still sucks.I couldn’t imagine if Andrea was making out with some asshole right in front of me.”Benny hovered close.“You ok?”

“No.No, I am very far from ok.But whatever, right?Maybe this is what I needed to see, so I can finally convince my stupid heart it’s time to move on.God knows nothing else has worked.”

Benny thumped a fist on Dean’s shoulder pad.“Take it out on the field, brother.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Dean growled.His eyes were finally on the Demons.“I have every intention of doing that!”

That earned Dean a chest bump that nearly knocked him over.Dean growled to himself, irritated when his eyes once again drifted to Cas.Cas was looking at him.Dean was sure of it.Dean forced himself to smile and give him a thumbs up.Don’t be an ass, Dean.Castiel doesn’t belong to you and he never did.He’s got a girlfriend now.He’s happy.Your broken heart isn’t important.If you really loved him, you’d find a way to be happy for him.So be happy for him, Dean.It’s the least you can do.

***

Castiel’s heart sank when Dean gave him a thumbs-up.Well, that settled it.What did he expect?Dean had poured out his heart to him, and Castiel had turned him down in the worst way possible.He had gone ahead and broken Dean’s heart.Now Dean was ready to move on, and even giving Castiel his approval to do the same.So this was it.Castiel was on his own, following a path of his own making.He shivered, pulling his hat down further over his ears.The Perdition stands were crowded.He had strangers on either side of him, but he’d never felt so alone.

Castiel looked longingly across at the visitor stands.He’d had no idea that Lawrence would be the opponents at this game.The crowd across the field was sporadic, just like it was in their own visitor stands during home games.The band took up more room than the crowd.For some reason, it made the Lawrence team seem almost abandoned.Castiel squirmed, uncomfortable.

“Castiel?”

Castiel forcibly returned his attention to his date.“Sorry, Lilith.Did you say something?”

“Yes, your name.Just now.”She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes at him through the Demoness mask.“You’re feeling guilty, aren’t you?About sitting over here when your friends are across the field?”

“Yes,” Castiel breathed, feeling relieved.Thank God she understood.Now he could go over to the visitors’ side where he belonged.He smiled gratefully at her.“I’m really sorry, Lilith, but they’re my friends.I’m glad you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind!”She was back on the milk crate, grabbing Castiel’s sweater to pull him forward for yet another kiss.“All that matters is that you’re here, with me.And I’m so glad!You don’t know how much it means to me, that my boyfriend is willing to put me first, before his idiot friends!I’m sorry, angel.I know it’s awkward, but if they’re your friends, they’ll understand that, right?”

“Oh.”Castiel swallowed his disappointment and somehow kept his smile in place.“Of course they will.”

She smiled and giggled, pulling off his hat so she could card her fingers through his hair.

Castiel ducked his head, wanting her to stop touching him.He reached for his hat.She playfully held it out of his reach for a moment, making him kiss her again before giving it back.He quickly pulled it back on.Now he was even colder.Great.Somehow, he kept smiling.It felt as fake and forced as it was.But Lilith seemed satisfied.She did a runway walk back to the other cheerleaders, making the pointed tail attached to her costume sway.

Out on the field, the two sides had lined up.Castiel frowned.The two sides didn’t seem to be very evenly matched.The Perdition Demons seemed bigger than the Lawrence Bulldogs.And when the players started moving, that difference seemed a bit more marked.By the time the whistle blew, most of the Bulldogs were on the grass.Across the field, Coach Singer looked on.Castiel couldn’t hear what he was yelling at his players on the field.But the man didn’t look happy.

***

“Come on, assholes!” Coach Singer roared.“So they’re bigger!Hit ‘em low and they’ll go down same as anyone else!How the hell did they get a first down on the first play?”He grew silent, watching the snap.Then he remained silent as he watched the Demon offensive line plow through the Bulldogs and race straight into the end zone.Dean winced.Not good.Coach Singer having a screaming, clipboard-throwing fit was normal.Coach Singer silent and red-faced was anything but.

“We’re fucked worse than a hooker at a bachelor party,” Benny grumbled.

“Like hell we are,” Dean growled.“This game has just started, buddy!”

“Hey Benny!”Mark, catching the quarterback’s shirt.“Does Andrea have family out this way?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because isn’t that her up in the stands behind us?Why’s she in our stands if her family’s here?”

Benny looked.Then he sucked in his breath.Andrea was smiling at him.She blew him a kiss and Benny brightened.He blew a kiss back.Then he turned back to the field, where the Demons were still celebrating, and growled.“Oh, hell no!No fucking way I am letting my woman watch me get my face shoved into the dirt.Gentlemen, it is time for some serious ass kicking.”

“Ours?”

“Fuck you, Mark!You get in there and you do your fucking job blocking!We are not losing this game!”

Mark rolled his eyes.“Sure, Benny.Soon as you show me how to take down the giant that’s going to be standing across from me.”

“Fuck him, fuck the Demons, and fuck you twice, Mark!Dean, think you can keep that big motherfucker off of Diego?”

Dean growled in reply.His eyes were drifting over to the Perdition stands again.Castiel was smiling, clapping as the Demonesses pranced and danced to celebrate the touchdown.Naturally, the Demoness herself was back on her milk carton as soon as the cheer was over, kissing Cas again.Again!She took every opportunity to stake her claim on Cas.Why the hell couldn’t she just leave him alone?!

Dean had some frustration to take out.Fortunately, he had a big-ass safety who was asking for it.

By some miracle, the Demons missed the extra point.Dean jogged out and locked eyes with his safety.“Hey dickhead, you ready to dance?”

“It’s not a dance if only one of us is standing.”

“You’re right.You ready to hit the grass, then?”

The safety laughed.“Bring it whenever you’re ready, asshole.”

Dean was ready.The safety started moving when he did.Dean kept with him, watching for Benny’s pass.There.Immediately the safety moved to intercept.Dean charged, hitting the larger boy just below his center of gravity.He actually lifted the surprised safety a bit, still moving forward a few steps before slamming him against another Perdition player.All three of them went down, Dean shoving the safety into the other Demon and putting them both on the ground.Diego made it thirteen yards before he was brought down.First down Bulldogs.

Now Coach Singer was screaming again.“Like that!Just like that!If Winchester can take out two of these overgrown bastards, what the hell are the rest of you idjits doing?!Get your heads out of your asses and fucking block!”

“Winchester, are you trying to make us look bad?” Mark complained.

“Yes.It working?”

“Hell yes!”Now Mark was glaring across the line.

The Demons had lost some of their cockiness. Now they were just as pissed as the Bulldogs.The Bulldogs made it to the thirty yard line before they were forced to punt.Coach Singer was swearing at the defensive line as Dean jogged back.He looked back across the field and saw Castiel smiling in his direction.That made Dean smile in return.Maybe he could salvage something from this night after all.

***

Castiel didn’t know much about football beyond the basics, but even he could tell that this was an intense game.After a Lawrence field goal, the score was locked at 6-3 by halftime.Back on the field, the teams were battling like they were out to win a war.The coaches on both sides were yelling and throwing things.It made Castiel uneasy.He’d never seen this much aggression out on the field before at the other games he’d gone to.Someone was bound to get hurt.

Sure enough, another violent clash of bodies later and someone didn’t get back up.Castiel saw the Lawrence uniform and sucked in his breath.Dean.It was Dean, Dean was hurt, he was…He was fine, standing off to the side, looking with concern at the other player.Castiel breathed a sigh of relief.Then he clapped with the rest of the crowd when the medics helped the injured player limp off the field.

The cheer squads, it seemed, had picked up on the competitive nature of this game.They were actively challenging each other.The Demonesses were doing flips and stunts that looked dangerous.But so was the Bulldog cheer squad.Now the Lawrence High marching band was involved, playing “Push It.”There went Sam, taking off the Bulldog’s head and jumping on some sort of platform to do an energetic, hip-thrusting dance.He didn’t seem to be hampered too much from the injuries Castiel suspected he had.He’d seen enough telltale traces of make-up on his friend to know that whoever was beating Sammy hadn’t stopped.But if anything, Sam was putting more effort than usual into his dancing.Even the Perdition fans were paying attention, cheers and wolf whistles coming from the stands around Castiel.Castiel smiled.

But the Demonesses weren’t smiling.Sam’s antics had cost them their audience.Now they were up to something.Lilith was in a huddle with the rest of her squad, casting dark looks over her shoulder towards the Lawrence cheer squad.They were digging in a bag, producing various items Castiel couldn’t see.

Now the Demoness had one of their megaphones.She waited until Sam had finished his dance, run back over to his squad, and replaced the mascot’s headpiece.Then she was whistling through the megaphone.“Hey, Bulldog!Here doggy!Want a treat?Come get it!”

Now Castiel could see what she had in her hand.It was a large rubber dog toy in the shape of a bone.Across the field, the Bulldog was shaking his hips, making the tail on his costume wag.He pumped his fist into the air.Then he was moving, jogging around the field, coming over to the Perdition side.

Castiel frowned.The Demoness was holding the bone, waving the Bulldog over.But the rest of her squad was obviously planning something.They were huddled together, hiding whatever it was they had from view.Castiel shifted, uneasy, watching the Bulldog coming closer.Sammy didn’t seem to realize he might be running into trouble.

The Bulldog snagged the bone and pumped his fist again, wagging his tail.And now, as one cheerleader emerged from the group, Castiel could see what it was they were hiding.It was a large net.A small sandwich board reading “Dog Catcher” was hanging from the shoulders of the cheerleader holding it.Castiel sat up, torn.Should he warn his friend?

Too late.The net came down over the Bulldog’s head.The Bulldog slumped, covered his eyes with his hands, and pantomimed crying.A chorus of “Awww!” rose from the spectators amid the laughter.Meanwhile, the Demoness had crooked a finger and was tapping it against her chin, looking deep in thought.She turned to the crowd and shrugged.“Should I let him go?”

“Yes!” Castiel called out with most of the crowd.He hoped to drown out the chorus of “No!” that also sounded around him.

Apparently, the “Yes” group won.Or maybe it was the way the Bulldog dropped to his knees, holding up his clasped hands towards the Demoness in a pleading motion.Either way, the Demoness shrugged again and gestured.The net came off.The Bulldog jumped up and danced happily around.Then he displayed his bone, which he’d hidden under an arm, and made shushing motions at the crowd.Castiel laughed with the crowd.

The Bulldog waved and turned, apparently about to head back to his own side.But a group of cheerleaders blocked his way.The Bulldog stopped.That was when the Demoness moved forward.Snatching the Bulldog’s head, she quickly pulled it off, revealing the surprised face of Sam Winchester beneath it.

Sam turned around.His face was flushed from exercise.His hair was a bit sweaty.But he was smiling and handsome.He cocked an eyebrow at her, his smile widening.The Demoness seemed pleased.She tucked the Bulldog’s head under one arm, pointed at her lips, and leaned forward, puckering, clearly asking for a kiss.

Sam never hesitated.Quick as a flash, he dropped the dog toy and grabbed the net from the “dog catcher.”With one hand he snatched back the Bulldog’s head.The other brought the net over the surprised Demoness.Laughter from the crowd.

Castiel saw Lilith straighten in surprise.But she recovered quickly.She pouted, pulled off the net and tossed it aside.Then she was pointing at her lips again, puckering and leaning forward towards Sammy.

Sammy still hadn’t replaced the Bulldog’s head.But he did now.Then he took a couple steps, lifted his leg, and pretended to relieve himself on the Demoness.

Screams, laughter, and applause.The Bulldog had retrieved his toy and was jumping and dancing around again.His back was to Lilith.From where Castiel sat, he could see her face.It was flushed in fury, nearly as red as her costume.Her eyes glared through her mask at the Bulldog.She looked ready to physically attack him.

But now another figure had arrived.Lisa Braeden, armed with a rolled-up newspaper.“Bad dog!” she called, swatting the cringing Bulldog with the paper.“Back to your own side!”

Boos, laughter, and applause.The Bulldog quickly jogged back to his own side, Lisa chasing after him with the newspaper.Castiel chuckled.It was a great act.But the Demoness still looked furious, too furious to be part of the act.She recovered quickly, though.She snatched up her pitchfork and shook it menacingly at the retreating Bulldog.She was smiling again.But something told Castiel she was still angry.

***

“Way to literally piss off the hot chick, Sammy!” Benny cheered as the Bulldog returned to his own side.

“She is hot,” Diego agreed.“You’re an idiot.I’d have totally kissed her.”

“I probably should have, but this was way more fun,” Sam called.“Besides, she’s dating my best friend.”

“That’s important,” Diego grunted.

For some reason, Sammy stilled.“Yeah, Diego.Yeah, it is.”

Diego gave him a small smile and went back to watching the game.

Dean smiled.It was good to see Diego talking to Sammy again.He knew there had been some tension between Dean’s friend and his brother, although he hadn’t found out why.Diego still seemed a bit reserved around Sammy.But this was definitely an improvement.

“Come on, you motherfuckers, block!No, god damn it, do not let them get in field goal range, make these bastards punt!”

Coach Singer’s bellow got Dean’s head back in the game.Then he promptly forgot about the game again as he caught sight of Castiel.He was leaning over the fence.The Demoness was back on her milk crate, her arms around Cas’s neck.This time, he had his arms around her, as well.Dean clenched his teeth.“Come on, Bulldogs!” he yelled.“Stop these bitches!I need to get back out on that field!”The safety had already gotten past Dean once to put Diego down.Now Diego’s ankle was swollen.He’d be fine, but he was out of the game.Dean already had a grudge.Now it was even more personal.

***

“Sam didn’t mean any harm,” Castiel soothed, rubbing Lilith’s back.“He was just being silly.”

“Oh, I know that!” Lilith replied quickly.“I just wanted to make sure you knew it didn’t mean anything, me trying to get him to kiss me?Just part of the whole Demoness act.”She kissed him again.“You’re the only one I want, angel.You know that, right?”

“Of course!”Castiel hadn’t actually thought to care.Still, it was touching that she’d thought to reassure him.If he’d felt anything for her at all, he would have appreciated it.This relationship wasn’t going to work.Castiel was sure of it.But he had to get through tonight.Then he’d find a tactful way to break up with Lilith.

Lilith returned to her squad and her role as the Demoness.Meanwhile, Lawrence had the ball on their own 30 yard line.The play was a pass, Benny aiming for the receiver on the other side.But for some reason, that did nothing to deter Dean.Dean slammed hard into the Perdition safety, driving the larger boy back and into the ground.Whistles sounded.Flags flew.The safety was getting back up.He was in Dean’s face, pointing and shouting.And Dean was shouting right back.The safety shoved Dean.Dean shoved back.Suddenly, fists were flying on the field.In moments, the field was full of fighting, yelling, furious players, oblivious to the whistles or their own teammates and coaches trying to drag them apart.Here came Sam, dropping the Bulldog’s head and charging onto the field, trying to get between his brother and the safety.It worked.Dean grabbed his brother, stepping back from his opponent, who’d backed off when the smaller boy stepped between them.With one arm around Sam, Dean seemed a bit calmer.From where Castiel was sitting, he could see Sam rapidly talking to Dean, pushing his older brother back.Both Dean and the safety were ordered off the field.Castiel frowned.What had that been about?

***

“Dean, what the hell was that all about?!” Sammy wanted to know.

“He’s a fucking asshole,” Dean growled, making the walk of shame among boos.He kept his arm around his brother to help keep himself grounded.“Bitch couldn’t take a hit, boo fucking hoo!”

“Dean, you were already about to get unnecessary roughness for slamming him down the way you did,” Sammy unhelpfully reminded.“You’ve been a real prick this game.You know that, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.”Dean let his brother go in time to get Coach Singer in his face.He groaned inwardly.This night had gone straight to Hell in a hand basket.Dean couldn’t imagine things going any worse.


	21. An Angel Among Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel continues with his uncomfortable date with Lilith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for dub-con/non-con

Castiel wanted to go home.He wanted to take a long, hot shower and then curl up into his bed, to sleep and be done with this night.But he wasn’t going anywhere.He was sitting on a short flight of stairs behind the gymnasium where the dance was still underway.The stairway was filled with thick, acrid smoke that made him want to cough.Four of the Demonesses were gathered around him.Lilith was sitting directly behind him, one arm draped around his neck, hand gripping his shoulder.The other brought her cigarette up to her mouth for another drag.Lilith’s legs were around him, thighs pressed against his ribs, ankles resting against his thighs and her bare foot bopping in time to the music.Her friend Meg was sitting sideways on the step just beneath Castiel’s feet.She was also smoking.Her free hand rubbed at his ankle, her finger frequently rising up beneath his pant leg to stroke his skin above his sock.All night, she’d been referring to Castiel as either “Clarence,” which made no sense, or “Lilith’s Unicorn,” which made even less sense.The looks she kept giving him were making him uncomfortable, but the way she kept touching him was worse.Just above and to either side of Lilith were two more of her friends, Ruby and Abaddon.They were smoking as well, but at least they weren’t touching him.Between Meg rubbing his ankle and Lilith constantly holding or kissing him, Castiel just wanted everyone off of him.But he couldn’t stop them.What could he do?He couldn’t tell his date to leave him alone right in front of her friends.He couldn’t even ask Meg to take her hands off of him, not with her touching him right in front of Lilith with no complaints from Lilith.All he could do was sit there with his hands folded, his arms resting on his knees, quietly waiting in the smoke-filled stairway while the girls chatted.He’d been offered a cigarette, but refused.Now, sitting in the smoke, it almost didn’t matter.

“I still can’t believe that bastard in the dog suit did that,” Abaddon complained.“I should have tripped him, but I was just too shocked!”

“Same here,” Ruby added.“He really went too far.Getting you with the net was funny, but lifting his leg?That was just gross!”

Lilith’s arm tightened around Castiel.“He upset Castiel, too,” she announced.“He was so sweet, trying to tell me that fucker didn’t mean anything by it.But he’s Cassie’s best friend!”

“Cas has poor taste,” Meg announced.“Lil, you need to tell him to go kick that guy’s ass!”

“No,” Lilith called.She had her face in his hair again.“I’m not putting my boyfriend in a position where he has to fight his best friend!”

Boyfriend.Castiel tried to force himself not to tense.The way she was wrapped around him, she’d feel it for sure.He had to break up with her, but not tonight.Not when she was still this upset.He had to talk to her, calm her down.He wasn’t worried about Sam.His friend had gone too far and now the cheerleaders in Perdition hated him, but that would hardly affect Sam over in Lawrence.Castiel was more concerned about Lilith.She was already upset.He had no doubt she’d be more upset when he broke up with her.Right now, she needed him, needed to believe Castiel was here for her as her boyfriend.Later, when she was calm again, he’d find a way to explain to her that, as much as he liked her, a relationship just wasn’t working out.Yes.That was the way to do this.He didn’t think she’d be broken-hearted or anything.They’d only been on a few dates.It wasn’t like they were close.She’d be fine, move on, and forget all about him.

Abaddon took another drag on her cigarette.“So which prom are you two going to anyway?His or yours?”

Prom?

“Mine,” Lilith announced.“I’m a senior this year.I’ll probably be Prom Queen, so Cas has to go to mine.But it’s ok because he’s only a sophomore.We can go to his junior prom, and then he can get Prom King at his senior prom!”

Ruby looked at Castiel in surprise.“You’re only a sophomore?”

“Yes,” Castiel replied.

“Wow,” Ruby admired.“I wouldn’t have guessed that!”

“That’s because he’s so gorgeous,” Lilith announced proudly.“Isn’t my angel just the total package?Looks, personality, and a good family!I’m so glad he’s mine!Did you see those bitches in the stands eyeing him up?I had to keep going up there to let them know he’s mine so they didn’t come down and bother him.”

“Who would be stupid enough to touch your boyfriend right in front of you?” Abaddon asked.“Except for that slut Meg Masters down there.”

Meg wrapped an arm around Castiel’s lower leg, leaned against it, and gave Abaddon the finger.“Get your own unicorn,” she announced.“I’m her BFF.Long as I don’t grab his package, I can do whatever I want with him.”

“Don’t kiss him either.”

“Not even once?”Meg pouted.“Come on, I’m your best friend!”

Lilith considered.“Maybe once?”

“I would prefer you didn’t kiss me,” Castiel called.

Meg swatted at his leg.“Oh shush, Clarence, no one asked you.”

“I noticed this,” Castiel said, finally showing a bit of irritation.

Lilith laughed.“You’re so cute!Don’t worry.You’re mine, and I don’t share.”

Meg scoffed.“Bitch.”

“Slut!”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Ruby grumbled.

“I still say we should go after that bastard in the dog suit,” Abaddon urged.“Cassie, what’s his name?”

“Sam Winchester,” Lilith supplied when Castiel didn’t answer.“He’s cute, for a short little shit.What is he, a freshman?”

Castiel didn’t answer that, either.

“He was cute,” Meg mused.“I’d do him.”

“You’d do anything with a dick,” Abaddon told her.“Or at least a decent quality strap-on.”

“I wouldn’t do you, you red-haired skank!”

Abaddon rolled her eyes.“Get a few drinks in you, Meg, and you’d do the knot on a tree.”

“I’d do Clarence here in a hot minute.What do you say?Wanna go make baby unicorns?”

Her fingers were creeping up under Castiel’s pant leg.Castiel frowned and moved his leg away.That made Meg laugh.“Oh, look, Lil!He’s shy!”

“I know!Isn’t he adorable?”She straightened, listening.“Oh!Last slow dance of the night!Ok, get off of my boyfriend, Meg!Castiel and I are going dancing!”

Castiel allowed himself to be pulled up and out of the smoke-filled stairway.That was a relief.He let her lead him back into the dance, where she put her arms around his neck and leaned into him.He wrapped his arms around her, swaying to the music.But his thoughts weren’t on the dance.Prom.That was still some time away.She’d have plenty of time to find another date if he broke up with her this week.

Her hand was on the back of his neck, pulling his head down to speak into his ear.“Homecoming is next week,” she told him.“You’ll have to bring your outfit to the game.You’ll be able to run into the school before Homecoming.We’ll all change to march out on the field so they can declare me Homecoming Queen.Then Saturday, you’ll have to wear it again and ride in the Homecoming parade.You’ll make such a handsome king!”

Castiel’s stomach twisted.Next week?How could he expect Lilith to find another date in a week?And she had to have one, especially if she really did become Homecoming Queen!

Wait, next week?Next week was a home game for Lawrence.He knew Sam and Dean wanted him to come, especially after tonight.Even though they’d only lost by three points, Castiel knew Dean had been upset about being ejected from the game.If Castiel skipped the next game, especially if he came back out here?Besides, he reasoned, he’d already promised Charlie he’d give her a ride to the game and take her home after the dance.That settled it.Resolved, Castiel leaned down to speak.“Lilith, I wish you’d mentioned Homecoming earlier.I’m sorry, but I have other plans.”

She hummed.Her arms were tight around him.She danced with her cheek pressed against his chest.“Then you’ll have to cancel them,” she informed him.“Homecoming Queen is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, Castiel.I need my boyfriend at my side as my King.That’s more important than whatever it is you’re doing.”

Castiel couldn’t really argue with that.If it was that big of a deal, what choice did he have?“Alright,” he sighed.“Let me see what I can do.”

She hummed again.

The dance was over.Lilith had him by the hand, making the rounds, saying goodnight to all of her many friends and admirers.Castiel smiled, following where he was led, letting her show him off again.He felt like a prize stallion being ridden around in a show.An hour.All it would take was an hour, and he would be home.He just had get out, get Lilith home, and he could finally leave.He couldn’t wait.

It was a relief to be in his car.But Lilith wasn’t ready to go home.Instead, she directed Castiel to turn off onto a dirt road.It led to an open area looking over a wide, flat field, where several other cars had parked.Above them, the stars blazed down in a dome all around.Immediately, his anxiety spiked.“It’s beautiful,” he offered.

She hummed.Reached over.Switched off the ignition and pulled out the keys.

Castiel frowned.“Lilith, I have an hour to drive to get home,” he reminded her.“I really should drop you off and get going.”

“Soon.”She was getting out of the car.“Come on.Back seat.”

“Um, no thanks.Give me my keys.”

She climbed into the back seat and dropped Castiel’s keys down the front of her dress.“Why don’t you come back here and get them?”She smiled.“Come on, Castiel.I have wanted you all night!”

Castiel shook his head.“Lilith?Please give me back my keys.I am not coming back there, alright?”

She smiled.“Still so shy!”

Castiel was about to say something, what he didn’t know, but suddenly there was a lot more of Lilith on display.She was pulling her dress up over her head, revealing her lacy bra.Castiel’s keys were nestled in that bra between her breasts.

Nope.Castiel quickly turned around and grabbed the steering wheel.“Lilith?I am sorry, but I do not want to do this.Give me my keys, get dressed, and let me take you home so I can go home.”

She moved forward.Her hands were on him, one undoing his tie and the buttons on his shirt, slipping beneath to rub at his chest.The other caught his chin, turned his head so she could kiss him.He made a sound of protest, tightening his hands on the wheel.“Relax, angel,” she whispered against his lips.“It’s ok.You’ll love it!Just relax.”

“Please get off of me?”

“You don’t want me to stop.”

“Yes, actually, I…”

She kissed him again to quiet him.He groaned.His hands still gripped the wheel, determined not to make a mistake and touch anything he shouldn’t be touching.But she was climbing back up over the seat, shimmying her way into the front once more in just her bra and panties.“Lilith, please!” he called.“I don’t want to do this, alright?I…”

Her hand went over his mouth.“I get it.This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded, hoping that would dissuade her.

She let go of his mouth and smiled at him.“It’s ok.You don’t have to do anything.You just sit back and relax.I’ll get you ready, and do all the work.”

Castiel frowned.“What do you mean?Hey!”She’d reached across him and pulled the handle, dumping the back of his seat.“What are you doing?I can’t drive like this!”

She shushed him.Her hands were at the front of his pants, undoing them.

“Stop!” he hissed, pushing her hands away.“I told you, I don’t want to do this!”

She took his hands, brought them up to her lips.Kissed them, and then pushed them back down.“It’s ok,” she urged.“I won’t hurt you.It’s a natural thing, Castiel.”She went back to the front of his pants, still smiling up at him.“You’ll like this.I promise!”

It’s a natural thing.A natural thing.It was obvious what she was going to do.When she took him in hand, he jumped and gasped.He had to grab the sides of his seat to keep from pushing her away.That made her laugh.Then her mouth was on him, warm and wet.

A natural thing.Castiel had never experienced anything like this before.He had to admit, it felt fantastic.He let out a moan, clutched at the sides of his seat.That only encouraged her.She moaned as well, reaching down to pleasure herself as she worked.He understood what she planned to do now.It was working.She was skilled.He could feel himself responding, his body reacting naturally to physical stimulation.But his heart was pounding.He could hear it, hear the blood pumping in his ears.Woop.Woop.Woop.Woop.I.Don’t.Want.This.

He didn’t want this.It didn’t matter that it was natural.It didn’t matter that his body was responding.It didn’t matter that it felt good, and what would follow would likely feel good as well.All that mattered was that, despite the pleasurable feeling, he felt sick, violated.“I don’t want this.Please stop?I don’t…Oh!”

She was very skilled, mouth and hands making him thrust forward involuntarily.But it wasn’t want he wanted.No.Lilith wasn’t what he wanted.“Get off me!”

She laughed, kept going.

“I said get off me!” Castiel yelled.“Get off!”

His hands seized her shoulders, pulled her roughly up and shoved her away.She blinked, staring at him in surprise as he rapidly reclothed himself.Then he was climbing out of the car, leaning against it as he panted, desperate for air.

He could hear her fumbling around in the car.Then the door opened.He looked over and saw her, thankfully dressed once more.“Castiel?What’s wrong, angel?”

“I don’t want this, Lilith,” he told her.“I’m sorry.But this isn’t going to work.I think we need to stop seeing each other.”

Her eyes went wide, her mouth dropped in surprise.“You…You’re breaking up with me?Now?Out here, after I was just giving you your first blowjob?!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning on the car.“I’m sorry, Lilith.But it’s not fair to either one of us for me to just keep pretending…”

“Pretending?!Castiel Novak, you are not breaking up with me!No one breaks up with me!”

“Well, I am!”Suddenly irritated, he turned to glare at her.“You keep making all these plans for me, going clear into my senior year!At what point where you going to actually discuss any of them with me?”

“I shouldn’t have to!Our fathers were right.This is a perfect match, Castiel!We’ve got a good thing, and I’m not letting you go!You’re not breaking up with me, you’re not!”

“Yes, I am!”He was yelling now, turning to face her with his fists clenched at his sides.“Lilith, you don’t own me!”

“You’re my boyfriend!”

“Not anymore!Not if you can’t respect my wishes!Not if you keep making plans for me and trying to force me into something I don’t want!”

She laughed, a decidedly unpleasant sound.“Look at you!You’re still half mast in your pants!At least one part of you wanted it!”

“I can’t help what my body does, but I was very clear that I wanted you to stop.I did not want you to touch me, Lilith.And I still don’t!”He sagged, all his energy gone with his anger.“Give me my keys and get in the car.I’l take you home and go.You won’t hear from me again.”

“Fuck you!”She dug his keys out of her bra and hurled them at him.“I’m not getting into your fucking car with you.I’m only a mile or so from my home.”

He sighed.“Lilith, it’s dark, and…”

“I don’t care!I’d rather fall and break my neck in the dark than spend one more minute with you!”

“Come on, Lilith,” he tried again.

“Get lost!” she screamed.“Just get the fuck away from me!You’ll pay for this!You’ll pay, now go!”

People in the other cars were starting to notice.Castiel finally nodded, put the back of his seat back into position and got into the car.The idea of leaving a teenaged girl all alone in the dark to walk a mile to her home wasn’t appealing.But there wasn’t much he could do.He glanced back at her as he drove away and was relieved to see a couple from another car had gotten out and was approaching her.She appeared to be sobbing.That made his stomach twist with guilt.But at least she wouldn’t be alone in the dark.

His drive home was uneventful.Of course the lights were still on when he arrived.He had permission to be out past curfew.His father knew he was out on a date and would be home late.But Castiel could see the man pacing in the living room.Not a good sign.Castiel quickly parked and went in.“Good evening, father,” he said nervously.

“Good evening?Castiel, what the hell did you do?!”Zachariah had the cordless phone in his hand.His voice sounded angry, but the expression on his face was unreadable.

Castiel grimaced.“We had a fight and broke up.Lilith called?”

“Her father called.Castiel, I cannot believe you!”Zachariah turned away and made a quick call.“He’s home.Terribly sorry about this, Mr. Morningstar.Give my regrets to your lovely daughter.I’ll speak with my son.”

Castiel cringed.He folded his hands in front of him and stared at the floor, waiting for whatever would come.When his father’s hands took his shoulders he couldn’t help the little gasp and jump he gave.

But his father wasn’t hurting him.“Castiel, I know that you are new to dating girls.But you cannot treat a woman that way!Women are to be respected and cherished, not…!What were you thinking?!”

“I’m sorry, father.”Castiel was miserable.“I’m just glad she’s alright.I wanted to drive her home, but she got out and screamed at me to get away from her.”

“I imagine she would!For the love of God, boy, if a girl tells you she doesn’t want to do something, you stop!You don’t argue, and you certainly don’t put your hands on her!”

Castiel finally looked up, blinking in surprise.“What?!”

“I know, Castiel!Lilith went home and told her father all about how you insisted she perform oral sex on you.What the hell were you thinking?!”Zach gave him a shake.“Fortunately, her father called me instead of the police.I explained things.How you were confused by that boy at your old school.How Dr. Crowley helped you.How you’re just starting to respond to your body’s true nature.You’ve never been in a serious relationship before.This is all so new to you!Mr. Morningstar is obviously upset, but he understands.And so do I.”

Castiel suddenly found himself pulled into a tight hug.“You must have been so confused,” Zach said.“What you felt tonight was perfectly natural, but you can’t let it take you over!You need to learn to control yourself!”

“I…I’m sorry?”Castiel had no idea what to say.

Zach held him for a moment longer before stepping back, holding his son at arm’s length.“I’m not happy about this,” Zachariah warned.“Not in the slightest!You will always, from this point forward, make absolutely certain a girl consents to whatever it is you want.You scared the shit out of that poor girl tonight!You have to realize how much larger and stronger you are.You need to control yourself, even when your hormones are raging and your body is demanding relief.Do you understand?”

“Yes.”He didn’t understand at all.That Lilith had lied about what had happened tonight was clear.But Castiel’s head was spinning.

Zachariah let go of him.The man’s face was odd, as though he were trying to smile and frown at the same time.“Regardless of how bad this went, at least it’s a very positive step in the right direction.Now I want you to call Dr. Crowley first thing in the morning and tell him what happened.Let him help you.But not until after you’ve had a chance to sleep on it.”He pointed at the stairs.“Go to bed.I’m very upset with you right now!”

“I’m sorry, father.”Castiel started towards the stairs.He was completely confused.His father was upset with him with no real consequence?

“Oh, Castiel?One more thing.”His father handed him an envelope that had clearly been opened and folded a few times.“Your brother Lucifer had this.Apparently, one of the senior girls invited you to her birthday party, and your brother didn’t see fit to give you your invitation.We already discussed that.He’s jealous over how popular you are, Castiel.Don’t make a big deal out of this and make him feel even more left out.”Zachariah shook his head.“Imagine, Lucifer being passed over for you by a girl in his class, and being asked to deliver an invitation to you!Not even Hannah was invited to this, but you were!You’re quite the ladies’ man, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, father.”

“Don’t be sorry for being popular.The party is tomorrow.I want you to talk it over with Dr. Crowley, of course, but this may be good, for you to be around girls in a safe environment, learn how to interact properly with them.”He paused.“That other girl, Charlie, that you’re taking to the dance next week.She’ll be at this party?”

Castiel looked at the name on the invitation.“Probably?They’re friends.”

“Good.That’s good.”Zach sounded oddly pleased for someone who claimed to be upset.“You should probably go to the party, then.Ask the doctor.Now go to bed.”

“Alright.”Castiel paused, looking at the invitation without seeing it.“I’m very sorry about tonight, father.”

His father waved him off.Zach was turning away now, but not before Castiel was sure he saw a wide grin on his father’s face.

Castiel quickly walked to the safety of his room.He went straight into his bathroom and looked into the mirror.The Demoness’s blood red lipstick all over his mouth.Shirt partially unbuttoned.Tie undone.Hair a mess.He looked down and realized he’d never redone his belt.No wonder his father was so willing to believe what he’d been told.

Castiel got into the shower and scrubbed until his skin glowed.But he still felt dirty.


	22. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean attends a birthday party and gets some news he doesn't want

As far as birthday parties went, this was one of the better ones Dean had attended.Too bad he was in no mood to party.The first thing he did when he came in was look for Castiel.He knew the other boy had been invited, but Cas wasn’t there.Sammy had been upset, too.He’d seen his brother calling and frowning at the phone.Of course, right now, Dean had no idea where Sammy was.That bothered him more than he cared to admit.The nature of his conversation now probably played a role.He and Benny had been talking for a while before Dean finally got his friend to admit what was clearly on his mind.

“Sam’s getting more ass than a toilet seat,” Benny reluctantly told him.“And he’s not getting any better, brother.Did you know he screwed Leslie?”

“What?!”After what she’d done to Diego, Leslie was a pariah among the animals.That Sammy had slept with her was a shock.

“I know, I couldn’t believe it either when I heard,” Benny continued.“But Diego found out and started a fight with him.Word is, Novak got between them.”

“Cas?!”Dean was in danger of dropping his drink.

Benny was nodding.HIs expression was too serious to be anything but real.But Dean just couldn’t believe what he was hearing.“This has to be some kind of misunderstanding,” Dean insisted.“Diego’s friends with Sammy, and Sammy knows how much he loved Leslie!Besides, after the way she treated Diego, why would…”Dean’s head snapped up.“Wait, SAMMY is the guy Leslie cheated with?!I know she cheated on Diego and threw it in his face when she dumped him, but…Sammy?!”

“Yeah.”Benny wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes.He rubbed at the back of his neck with his hand.“You don’t seem to understand what I am telling you here, Dean.Your little brother?He’s the damned village bicycle!”

Dean stopped and breathed for a moment.“Sam is…He’s better than this.Sleeping around?That’s not Sammy!Benny, you know him!”

“I knew him,” Benny corrected.“But this guy now is not the Sam Winchester I knew.”He sighed deeply and finally met Dean’s eyes.“Listen, I didn’t want to tell you because you’ve got enough shit on your shoulders.But I think you need to know.Sammy is out of control, Dean.He was always a bit of a player, but this is crazy!I’m hearing shit I would have never believed a month ago!”

“What the actual fuck is he doing?!”

Benny spread his hands.

Dean lost all interest in the party.He dumped his drink in the grass and started searching the crowd for his brother.The party was well-attended.The backyard was filled with people.Tables loaded with food and gifts were surrounded.But Sammy wasn’t among them.Dean went inside and started searching the house.He paid special attention to closets and spare rooms.Any out-of-the-way place someone might hide to bump uglies.He encountered a couple in the second floor bathroom, but it wasn’t Sammy.Dean apologized hastily and kept looking.Finished with the house, he went back outside.Dean checked behind every plant, in every car, and in every dark corner.

He didn’t find anything.

Asking around, Dean learned that Sam had left the party not even half an hour after they’d arrived.While Dean had been talking to Benny, Sammy had been spotted climbing into a BMW no one recognized.No one had gotten a look at the driver, either.Dean called his brother’s cell, listened to it ring, and frowned when Sammy didn’t pick up.Dean hung up and angrily shoved the phone into his pocket.He picked up a throw pillow, twisting it in his hands as he paced the living room.Stopping, he threw it against the wall.

“Sexy.”

Dean turned around.Lisa Braeden was standing in the doorway of the living room, watching him.“Sorry, Lisa.I’m just upset.”

“Yeah, I kind of got that.”She came closer.“Have you seen Sam?”

“No.That would be why I’m upset.”

She sighed and came closer.“Your brother is going to be the death of me.I swear, every day, there’s a new girl crying in the girls’ room.He tells her she’s special, sleeps with her, and then doesn’t return her calls.I’d like to wring his scrawny neck!”

“You can get in line right behind me.”Dean threw himself onto the sofa on his back.

Lisa came over, taking a seat on the arm of the sofa above Dean’s head.“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that I’m shit at this!” Dean exploded.“I promised dad I would look after Sammy.I promised mom I would look after Sammy!But I didn’t even know what he was doing!”Dean pounded a fist against the back of the sofa.

“Dean, he’s sixteen,” Lisa reminded.“He’s old enough to make his own decisions.”

“Bad ones!”

“Very bad,” Lisa agreed.“He’s making mistakes that are already costing him friends.Sooner or later, what he’s doing is going to come back and bite him hard.He’ll need you then, Dean.But until then?You can’t control him.The more you try, the more he’ll fight you and the worse he’ll get.All you can do is be there for him, ready to catch him when he inevitably falls.”She reached down and brushed at his hair.“Everyone knows you’re doing the best you can.”

Dean closed his eyes.“Doesn’t feel like enough.”

“I know.When my mom was gone, I felt like I had to be a mom to my sisters while my dad worked.I know how it feels, trying to be the parent your younger siblings need.And I learned fast that it’s not possible.You can’t be your mom or your dad, Dean.And you certainly can’t be both of them at once.You’re Sam’s brother.So be his brother.That’s all.”

Dean reached up and grasped at her hand.“Thanks, Lisa.I think I needed to hear that.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Hold Sammy while I kick his ass?”

“Glad to!”She winked at him.“Can I bribe you to trade places with me, though?I’ve been practicing my high kicks and I would love to take a shot at his gonads?”

“Remind me not to piss you off!”Dean shivered.“So, what, you’re mad because you’re having to mother all these girls?”

“That, and he broke the heart of a girl I had my eyes on,” Lisa grumbled.“Now she’s practically a nun.No other girls have shown any interest, not since Charlie hooked up with Dorothy.And since I, well, developed over the summer?”She grimaced, crossing her arms over her chest.“I’m so sick of guys coming on to me and eyeing up my chest I could scream!”

Dean grunted.“I forgot you were bi.And I can see how your situation could be, well, annoying.”

“Ugh, you have no idea!At this point I’m almost ready to give up on guys altogether and just be a lesbian,” she sighed.“But if I’m honest?Although I’d like to slap your brother for ruining my chances with that girl?She’s not the one I’m really interested in.”

“Oh?”Dean squeezed her hand.“Can I pry?”

Lisa blushed.“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Probably.After all, no guy is going to be able to stand against the one talking to you.And I don’t go for girls, so you’re out of luck.”

She pulled her hand free and swatted at him.“Ego, much?”

“What can I say?I was blessed with looks, charm, and sex appeal!”

“Half the school knows you’ve got the hots for Castiel Novak, but it doesn’t seem like your outstanding sex appeal is working so well with him?”

“No.”Dean slumped into the cushions of the sofa.“I’m going to tell you something, Lisa, since we’re having a heart-to-heart here.Castiel?I have never been so head-over-heels about anyone!And I cannot get over him!Even with him having a girlfriend now?”He shook his head.“I’m in love, Lisa.”

“He is hot,” Lisa declared.“I’d do him.”

“You and me both.”

“Together?”

“Sure, why not?Seems like there’s as much of a chance of that happening as anything else.”

“So we’re both suffering from a bad case of unrequited love,” Lisa sighed.

“Love?”Dean folded his hands under his head and grinned up at her.“Ok, now you have to tell me.Who is this unknowingly-loved person?Guy or girl?”

“Guy.”Lisa smoothed her skirt over her thigh.

“Anyone I know?”

“Yes.”

“You going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Tease.”

“Slut.You think I don’t know about you and Benny?”

“Not anymore,” Dean sighed.“Not since he got back together with Andrea.Benny and I, we’re just friends with benefits.It’s not like there’s anything there.But it was nice you know?I could be close to someone like that.Helped get my mind off of Cas.”

She looked at him.Her lips pinched together.“You need some help getting your mind off of him?I’m willing.Think you can get it up for a girl?”

Dean frowned.“What, a depression fuck?”

“Sure, why not?We both want someone we can’t have.I can imagine you’re him.Might be a little harder for you, but you could always close your eyes?”

Dean looked at her.He didn’t go for girls, but Lisa was extremely attractive.She was wearing a white pleated skirt that made her long, tanned legs look fantastic over her white strappy heels.A white tank top completed her look.Lisa looked fresh and lovely.But Dean wasn’t that interested in her looks.“Tell me who you like,” Dean ordered.

She was up, moving to kneel down next to the sofa.“I’ll tell you,” she said, undoing his jeans, “if you can get me off.”

“You do know I’ve slept with girls before, right?”

“Did they get off?”

“Far as I know?”

“It’s a good thing you’re gay, Dean Winchester.Sounds like you’re a terrible lay for a woman!Whatever, I’ll do the work.Close your eyes and think of Cas!”She had him out and was bending down to take him into her mouth.

Dean closed his eyes.He focused on the sensation, imagining it was Cas.Cas looking up at him, blue eyes through dark lashes.The faint smell of his aftershave.The hands touching him could be Cas’s, soft but with some strength to them.He moaned.“Cas.”

The low chuckle this brought certainly wasn’t Cas.Didn’t matter.Dean focused on his fantasy.Cas had him fully erect now, leaking and throbbing with need.He couldn’t keep himself from thrusting upward.Hands pushed hard on his hips, almost painful.“You got protection?”

“Wallet.”

His wallet was pulled from his jeans.A moment later, the condom was going on.A leg went over him.Dean scooted over a bit on the sofa, making room.

What came next wasn’t what he was used to.But it was warm, and wet.It wasn’t tight like he wanted, but the muscles inside could still grip him.Dean moaned, grabbed at the hips on top of him, wanting to flip over and be on top.But the hands seized his wrists, pushed them down and held them above his head on the arm of the sofa.“Don’t pin me down!” he complained.

“Shut up.”

Again, not Cas’s voice.Dean frowned.“Alright, you can be on top, just let me hold onto you.”

His hands were drawn towards a set of hips.He clutched at them.The hips were too wide.They weren’t Cas’s narrow hips.The waist was too small to be Cas’s either.But while the heat he sank into wasn’t what he wanted, he still knew how to take advantage of it.He pulled down on the hips as he thrust up, sinking in deep.That drew a cry and made him smile.Behind his closed eyes, Cas was throwing his head back.Those beautiful eyes were half-lidded in pleasure.His cheeks were flushed.The red spread over his neck.Dean wanted to cover that neck with kisses.To bite marks onto it.Claim Cas.Yes.Leave his mark to let the whole world know he belonged to Dean and only Dean.

He had a good rhythm now, hard and fast and rough.The body above him was giving as much as taking.Muscular thighs clenched, sliding up and down.Dean grabbed the thighs, pulled them a bit to adjust the angle.Now every time he thrust up, it drew a cry, a gasp, or a whispered curse.Yes.Oh, Cas.What I wouldn’t give for this to really be you.I could make you make these sounds.I could bring you pleasure.But more than that, I could love you.I would cherish you every second of every day.And I would never miss the chance to tell you.I love you, Cas.I love you.

Dean was breathing hard, near climax.The image of Castiel, sweaty and panting and moaning, was better than any porn.“Cas!”

“Sam!Oh, Sammy!”

Sammy?!

The muscles around him clenched, Lisa’s orgasm ripping through her.Dean’s eyes, open wide, took in the sight of her with her hands under her top, gripping at her own breasts even as she rode him through her climax.Panting, she fell forward, catching herself with her hands against Dean’s chest.Dean stared at her.“Sammy?My Sammy?Seriously?!”

She tossed her hair out of her face and glowered at him.“Fuck you, Dean.”

“Yeah, you kind of just did.Um, thanks?”

“You’re welcome.”She was composing herself, adjusting her bra beneath her shirt.Her hips rocked forward again, drawing a gasp from Dean.“You want to finish?”

“Y-yeah.”If he hadn’t been so close, there’s no way he could have finished after hearing his partner call out his brother’s name.As it was, all it took was a few more minutes of imagining and thrusting before he was spilling into the condom.“Oh yes!” he moaned.“Fuck yes!”

She chuckled.“Good?”

“Best depression fuck I have ever had.”

The floorboard creaked.

Dean looked around and there was Castiel.Cas was standing in the doorway.His face was blank as he stared.Dean gasped.“Cas!You came!”

“Apparently, so did you.”And then Cas was running, racing back through the house and out the front door.

“Shit!”Lisa was climbing rapidly off of him.“Go!Chase after him, Dean!”

Dean was already scrambling up, peeling off the condom and tossing it into the trash, fastening his jeans as he ran.“Cas?Cas!”


	23. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes picked "Listen To Your Heart" by Roxette for this chapter.
> 
> Trigger warnings like crazy ahead, just check the tags and be careful

He never should have come.

Granted, the hostess was a friend.She’d been happy to see him, even though he’d only been able to offer a card with cash instead of a birthday gift.It was all he could do.Lucifer not giving him the invitation had meant Castiel had only this afternoon to get her anything.He’d spent hours this morning on the phone with Dr. Crowley.His father had already called, and Dr. Crowley believed he knew the story.Castiel had listened patiently to Crowley’s lecture about consent and respecting the rights of women.He’d listened to the doctor’s advice on how to control his new feelings after having suppressed them for so long.Lust was a sin, but it was natural.All Castiel had to do was stay in control, to rise above his body’s baser urges.

After that, Castiel had to call Lilith and apologize, with the phone on speaker and his father listening.Lilith was still angry.Castiel could tell by the high pitch of her voice, the way she clipped her words.But she was gracious.She thanked him for his apology.She told him she wished him well.Castiel had never known just how much venom could be put into those words.Then his father had taken the phone and spoke privately for a time with her father.The conversation lasted two hours.The entire time, Castiel could do nothing except sit in a chair at the kitchen and wait.He was reasonably certain that the conversation about him and Lilith hadn’t lasted nearly this long.No doubt, his father and Mr. Morningstar were talking business.Despite everything, Castiel felt a pang of sympathy for Lilith.Her father believed his daughter had been sexually assaulted.Yet here he was, spending far more time talking business with the father of her attacker than he’d spent defending her.

Finally, after a prayer and more advice from his father, Castiel was allowed to go.

His father had taken his car keys as punishment for what had happened with Lilith.Hannah had to drive him.He could tell she was irritated.Hannah never drove, preferring to utilize Martin.But Martin refused to drive Castiel, knowing Zachariah was angry with him.He knew better than to ask his brothers.That left Hannah.She dutifully drove him through town to the drug store to purchase a card.Then she had to drive him to the party.By the time he’d arrived, he was almost twenty minutes late.Cars were parked up and down the street.A lot of noise was coming from the back yard.Hannah pulled up the BMW she’d gotten last year for making honor roll and smiled at her brother.“Have fun!”

“This is so awkward,” Castiel sighed.“You, taking me to this party that you weren’t invited to?Why don’t you wait while I talk to her?Maybe she just forgot your invitation?”

“Or maybe she’s a bitch who intentionally ignored me because I wouldn’t let her cheat off of my exam?” Hannah replied cheerfully.“It’s fine.We don’t get along.The popular girls in this school?They’re cruel.That’s how it is with popular kids everywhere, I guess.I don’t care for the way they treat other people.They’ll even turn on their own if anyone steps out of their perfect little line!No thank you.I’m glad to miss her stupid party.But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy yourself.”She smiled at him.“This is what it’s like to be part of the popular crowd, Cassie.You get invited to the big parties!Go!Have a good time!Just, whatever you do, don’t come home drunk, or high, or whatever else the popular kids at this school do!”

It was good advice.Castiel smiled, kissed her cheek, and climbed out.

The back yard was full of laughing, dancing, drinking people.Somehow, Sammy still spotted him right away.He waited long enough for Castiel to greet the hostess and give her the card.Then he had Castiel by the arm.“Where the hell have you been?” he hissed.“Dean and I have been looking for you, Cas!Listen, you need to talk to Dean, ok?”

“About what?”

Sam rolled his eyes.He pulled Castiel away from the crowd and lowered his voice.“Moment of truth, ok?It’s just you and me.I won’t judge you either way.Do you, or do you not, have feelings for my brother?”

Castiel froze.“That’s not your business, ok?”

“Actually, it is my business.Because Dean is all I’ve got left.And he’s falling apart!He got his stupid ass ejected from a game for fighting last night.And that happened because he was watching you making out with your girlfriend right in front of him!”

“That’s not my fault!” Castiel hissed.“She kept kissing me!What could I do?What would you have done?”

“Exactly what you did, with one exception.”Sam’s eyes were looking hard at Castiel.“You said ‘she kept kissing me,’ like you weren’t an active participant.You going to tell me now that you didn’t want to make out with her?”

“No!I didn’t want anything she did to me last night!That’s part of why we’re not together anymore.I didn’t want it, and it’s not my fault that Dean got upset, alright Sam?!He already knows we can’t have a relationship.”

Sam stepped closer, eyes narrowed.“Can’t have?Or don’t want?”

“It doesn’t matter.It’s not my fault and I won’t apologize!”Not again.Castiel had already had his fill of apologizing for things that weren’t his fault.

Sam raised his hands.“Fine.It’s your life.But will you do one thing for me?Will you please talk to Dean?”Sam pointed across the yard.“He’s just around the other corner of the house with Benny.They’re having some kind of powwow back there.”Sam turned and looked at Castiel.“Look, Cas.I’m not angry at you or anything.But I think you’re making a mistake, ok?You and Dean, you’d be real good for each other!But like I said, it’s your life.Will you just talk to Dean?”

“I…”Castiel swallowed.“I’ll try.But Sam?You’re wrong about one thing.”

“What?”

“Dean’s not all you have left,” Castiel told him.“You’ve got me.And you always will.”

Sam’s eyes softened.He tightly hugged Castiel.“I love you, brother.”

Castiel hugged him back.“I love you, too.”

Then Sam was gone, jogging back around to the front of the house.

Castiel looked in the direction Sam had told him Dean was.He was trying to work up his courage when Dean suddenly appeared.Castiel immediately chickened out.He ducked behind a bush.He could see Dean through the leaves and branches.Dean looked upset.He was looking around, talking to people.Then he went into the house.

“What’s our mission, captain?” a voice whispered, inches from Castiel’s ear.

Castiel jumped.He frowned at Charlie, who had crouched down next to him and was intensely peeking through the bush into the yard.“I’m just not ready to talk to Dean yet is all.”

“You guys have a fight?”

“You could say that.”Castiel stood up, feeling foolish.“I know I need to talk to him.I just wasn’t quite ready to do it yet when he came around the corner.”

Charlie got up.She took his arm and led him through the crowd, moving to a corner of the yard.There, she pulled up on the fence.“I used to play over here all the time when I was a kid,” she explained as a section of the fence came up.“We used to sneak out here.Come on.We can go by the neighbor’s garden shed, and you can tell me what’s so scary about talking to Dean that it’s worth hiding behind a bush.”

Charlie, it turned out, was a good listener.Castiel told her about what had happened between him and Dean, carefully avoiding any mention of his own feelings.He told her about Lilith’s actions at the game, Dean’s reaction, and even what had happened in his car afterwards.By the time he finished, she was frowning.“What a bitch!She did that to you and basically cried rape when you blew her off?!Want me to go find her and kick her ass?”

“No,” Castiel said with a smile.“The offer means a lot, though.”

“The offer is open.Now, about Dean.So Dean’s interested in you, and he got into that fight because he saw you with your girlfriend?Ok, that sucks.But Cas?You cannot live your life around Dean!”

“I know that,” he groaned, “but I shouldn’t flaunt another relationship in front of him, either!He said he was in love with me!I need to talk to him, let him know she didn’t mean anything.”

“And that you’re not interested,” Charlie reminded.“Unless, of course, you are?”

Castiel looked away.“He and I already talked about that.”

“Then he has no right to be upset,” Charlie insisted.“You cannot live your life worried about what he’s going to think.And if that’s going to be a problem for him, it’s his problem, not yours!If he wants to continue to be friends with you?Then he needs to understand that.”

“I don’t want to lose him as a friend!”

“Then you need to tell him that, too.Because it’s pretty obvious that Dean isn’t able to just be friends with you.So it seems you’ve both got a decision to make here.”She squeezed his shoulder.“Stay here, think it over, decide what you want.Then go talk to him.Ok?”

He nodded.Charlie went back through the fence and returned to the party.Castiel stayed where he was for a time.He closed his eyes, leaning back against the shed.He could do this.He could talk to Dean and explain that what Dean had observed at the game wasn’t what it looked like.Castiel would never intentionally hurt Dean like that.But Dean needed to understand that Castiel couldn’t live his life around him.Charlie was right.If Dean wanted to remain friends, then he needed to move on.After all, that was precisely why Castiel had let Dean hold him that day at school.So how was it Castiel’s fault that Dean hadn’t been able to move on after all?

Castiel clenched his fists.It wasn’t fair.Dean was putting all this pressure on him, and for what?He didn’t ask for Dean to fall in love with him.He’d done nothing to encourage Dean.This wasn’t on Castiel.It was on Dean.And Dean needed to acknowledge and deal with the problem.

Resolved, Castiel got up and went back through the fence.

Dean wasn’t at the party in the backyard.Neither was Sammy.Apparently, Sammy had left the party shortly after Castiel had arrived.Castiel was about to go in and search the house when a couple of boys caught his eye.They were waving towards a third boy, gesturing and pointing around the house.Then all three jogged around the house, grinning.

Curious, Castiel followed.There was a group of about half a dozen boys at the front of the house, gathered near the large picture window.Most had a hand at his crotch.Frowning, Castiel approached the group.“What are you doing?”

One of the boys jerked his head towards the picture window.“Get a load of that, Novak!”

Castiel looked at the window and nearly fell over.There, in full view from the picture window, was Lisa Braeden.Her skirt was pulled up, leaving her naked from the hips down.She was astride a boy Cas couldn’t see, lying on the couch facing away from the window.Lisa was clearly having sex.The boy’s hands gripped her thighs.Her hands were up under her top, groping at her own breasts.Her eyes were closed.She didn’t seem to have any idea that what she was doing was completely visible to the group outside the window.

“Stop this!”Castiel pushed at the boys.“Get away!For God’s sake, be decent enough to give them some privacy!”

It didn’t go over well with the boys.Several of them shoved him back.And none of them moved from the window.

Castiel went into the house and hurried towards the living room.He didn’t want to embarrass the pair any more.If he was careful, maybe he could pull the curtains over the window?As he got closer, he heard the boy cry out.“Oh yes!Fuck yes!”

From his position in the doorway, Castiel was behind Lisa.He stepped into the living room in time to hear her chuckle.“Good?”

“Best depression fuck I have ever had.”

Then Castiel took a wrong step, the floorboard creaked, and the couple was aware of his presence.Lisa gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.But it was the boy that drew Castiel’s attention.He’d twisted around on the sofa, craning his neck to look at Castiel.Green eyes widened in recognition.“Cas!” Dean cried.“You came!”

A broken heart was cliched and overused.But until that moment, Castiel hadn’t known just how accurate it really was.He could actually feel his heart shatter as he stood there, staring at Dean.Dean, who’d told him he loved him.Dean, who had let him believe Castiel had hurt him.Dean, who had lied about everything.Dean Winchester, literally caught with his pants down.And all he could say for himself was “Cas, you came?”Castiel straightened, hardened his heart, and clenched his fists.“Apparently, so did you,” he told Dean.

He wasn’t sure what to expect.But the sudden pain on Dean’s face wasn’t it.It was more than Castiel could stand.Nothing made sense.Everything was a lie.He had to get away.

Castiel ran out of the house and kept running.Behind him, he could hear Dean calling his name.Dean was an athlete, strong and fast.But Castiel had a head start.He raced down the street, rounded a corner, ducked behind a bush, and hid.A moment later, Dean went running by.“Cas!Cas, angel, please, just wait!Talk to me!Cas, come on!”

Castiel stayed where he was.He could hear Dean’s voice fading as the other boy kept running.It wasn’t too late.He could call out to Dean, let him come back and explain.There was some explanation.There had to be.Something inside of him was screaming for Dean, begging him to come back.But Castiel didn’t move or make a sound.And soon, he couldn’t hear Dean anymore.

Castiel gave a little moan.He managed to get to his feet.  Stumbled his way to the porch.A section at the bottom was missing.Castiel crawled inside, lying down on the cold ground.It seemed fitting.He curled up and let his tears come.Stupid.Why had he come to this party?Why had he let himself believe someone like Dean Winchester could actually love him?Hannah was right.The popular kids were cruel.They’d only tolerated him because of Sam, but where was Sam now?Gone right after Castiel had arrived.That was no coincidence.Sam knew this was coming.Knew that the punchline of the cruel prank they’d been playing on Castiel would take place tonight.Sam and Dean Winchester had pulled off the practical joke of the decade.Worse, once Sam and Dean spread the word, everyone would know that Castiel had been harboring unnatural feelings.What if his father found out?

That last thought made him feel even colder than the ground.

***

The sound of footsteps just above his head woke Castiel from a troubled sleep.Alarmed, he looked around.Where was he?The porch.He’d somehow fallen asleep.Now it was dark.Too dark.He’d been instructed to call his sister if he couldn’t get a ride home, but he certainly couldn’t call from here.What time was it now?Castiel checked his watch.No.It was too late.He’d never get home before curfew!Still, he had a chance.Zachariah had a business meeting tonight that he’d expected would run late.If Castiel could get home, maybe his father would never know he’d broken curfew?

Castiel waited until the owner of the house was inside.Then he crawled out.His clothes were filthy.He tried without success to brush the dirt out of his hair.Then he started jogging.

By the time he reached his home, he was gasping for air.The lights in the house were still on.And worst of all, his father was in the living room, pacing back and forth.Zachariah Novak was home early, waiting for the return of his youngest son.

More movement caught his eye.Castiel instinctively ducked into the shadows.Hannah’s bedroom window was opening.The light from her bedroom silhouetted two embracing figures.The two kissed amid muffled giggles.Then one of them was climbing out of the window.Castiel stared in shock, recognizing Sam Winchester.Sam had just climbed out of his sister’s bedroom window late at night and was jogging down the street.What was going on?

Castiel got up and quickly moved towards the house.He put out a hand, preventing Hannah from closing the window.She gasped.“Cassie?!What are you doing out here?”

“What were you doing in there?!”

Her face flamed.She opened the window and tugged on his arm.“Get in here!You’re filthy!You’re past curfew and father came home early!He’s waiting for you!”

“I saw him.”Castiel climbed inside and frowned at his sister.“Hannah, what were you doing with Sam Winchester in your room?”

“Nothing!” she said, too quickly.“He was just hanging out with me.But we knew father would be upset if he caught him here.”

Castiel looked at his sister, taking in her rumpled clothing, mussed hair.His eyes moved to the messy bed.“Oh my god, Hannah, you’re sleeping together?!You’re sleeping with my best friend!”

“Cassie, you can’t tell!”Hannah was frantic.“He hid under the bed when father came home and I went under the covers.Father doesn’t know he was here.And if he knew we were sleeping together, he’d send me away!”

“I thought you were saving yourself for marriage?!”

“I’m going to marry Sam,” she insisted.“I’m in love with him, Castiel.And he loves me!I gave him my virginity because we’re getting married once he turns eighteen in a couple of years.I’m going to be Hannah Winchester!”She smiled.“I would have hoped you’d be happy for me!I…”

The door flew open, revealing the furious face of Zachariah Novak.His eyes locked on Castiel.“I thought I heard voices in here.”He glanced at the open window.Glared again at Castiel.Stepping forward, he raised a hand.A moment later, Castiel was stumbling sideways, cradling his stinging cheek.“Did you honestly believe you could get away with this?” Zach was yelling.“That you could sneak in through your sister’s room after curfew and I wouldn’t know?!”

“Father, please!” Hannah cried, stepping forward.“Castiel didn’t mean to be late!”

Zach turned and slapped her harshly across the face.“Do not speak back to me!”

“Stop!”Castiel clung to his father’s arm as it raised for another blow.“Hannah’s only crime was compassion!I knew I was late and I begged her to let me in.”

“I should have known!”Now both hands had Castiel’s arms, giving him a harsh shake.“Look at you!You’re filthy!Where have you been?”

“I fell asleep.”

“In the mud?!”

“Yes!”

The blow made Castiel see stars.Hannah shrieked and started forward.“Don’t!” Castiel yelled.“Hannah, don’t!”Never fight back.The fact that he’d grabbed his father’s arm to keep him from striking Hannah again was bad enough.If Hannah fought now, it would get so much worse.“Father, it was me,” he said instead.“Hannah only let me in because I asked her to.My sin, my punishment.”

“Good boy.”

Castiel’s reward was nothing more than these words.His father’s hand was like iron.Dragging Castiel out.Forcing him up the stairs to his room.Shoving him towards the bed.And there it was, the sound of Zachariah’s belt being removed.“Off!Now!”

The first of Castiel’s tears were already falling while his hands fumbled to remove his shirt and tie.He knew what would happen next.The pain, the humiliation.Still, he knew he could take it.If his father learned the real story of what had happened in his sister’s room, Hannah would be sent away.No.This was better.

Castiel climbed face-down onto his bed, hands gripping the rails on his headboard.He knew from experience that there was little point in trying to stay quiet.But he always tried.He knew he could hold out for a while.After that, his pillow served to help muffle his cries.

His father had every intention of being heard.“I have so many plans for you!” he was yelling.“You, more than any of your siblings!Why must you be so willful?I will have your obedience, Castiel!Exodus 20 verse 12!Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee!”

The belt fell again and again.Harsh cracks punctuating Zachariah’s words.Stinging, burning stripes across the unprotected skin of Castiel’s back.It would end.Even the worst beating he’d ever received had ended.This would end.But even as he clung to that knowledge, the pain grew too much.The first of his cries of pain went into his pillow.By the time his father finally stopped, Castiel was sobbing openly.

His father’s hand rested on his head, making him jump.“I’m sorry,” Zach whispered.“Castiel, my sweet, precious angel.I don’t know why you do these things.Why you force me to punish you like this!”The hand moved, brushing through his hair.“There, there.It’s over now.Father is here.Don’t cry.”

Castiel’s back stung and ached and burned.He took deep breaths, forcing himself to stop crying.He knew his father wouldn’t leave him alone until he did.Sure enough, once Castiel stopped sobbing, Zachariah got up.“There’s something I’ve been meaning to do,” he announced.“Something I thought of doing when I first bought this house.Tomorrow is Sunday, and I hate to have to do this on a Sunday, but it needs done.Looks like tomorrow is the day, right after church.”

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked quietly.

“Keeping you safe.Here.”

Castiel sat up, put on the shirt his father handed him.He waited until his father had walked out, closing the door behind him.  Castiel sat up, staring at the door with a sense of dread.Keeping him safe?What did that mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids who are being abused need help, and they need it fast. You don't need to prove abuse is happening. If you think it might be, let the experts check it out. If you're wrong, life goes on, but if you're right, you might just save a life. Anyone can report from anywhere. Just call your local police or 1-800-422-4453, the national child abuse hotline. Please don't wait.


	24. Prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam try to visit Cas and discover Zachariah's designs for his children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes chose "Angels" by Tom Walker for this part. I very much liked it!
> 
> Trigger warnings for abuse, abuse aftermath, homophobia

“Castiel does not wish to speak with you,” Zachariah Novak announced.

“Could you maybe let him tell me that?” Dean asked as politely as he could.“Please, it will only take a few minutes.”

It was hard to keep calm.Zach was smiling the most unfriendly smile Dean had ever seen.He stood in his doorway like a sentry, feet shoulder width apart and arms crossed over his chest.His eyes were locked on Dean, as though daring the teen to try to push his way into the house.“I’m not sure you understand, Mr. Winchester,” Zach was saying.“Even if my son had any desire to speak to you?You are not welcome in this house.You are not welcome on this property.Leave, and take the trouble you bring with you.”

“Doesn’t the Bible say something about loving your neighbors?” Dean asked, finally starting to lose patience.

“Young man, I assure you, you do not want to get into a Biblical discussion with me.”

“I just need to talk to Cas!” Dean exclaimed.“Something happened at the party that really upset him.I need to talk to him and make sure he’s ok.”

“Castiel is just fine.”

“Can I please just see that for myself?” Dean pleaded.“Please!He looked really hurt.I have to know that we’re still ok!”

Zach scoffed.“I believe I can save you some trouble then.You and my son are not ok.You and my son were never ok.The only reason I agreed to let him spend any time with your family was because prior to your mother’s death, I was under the impression that your brother, at least, was normal.But now Balthazar tells me that is in doubt as well.”

“Normal?Oh for...!You’re still going on about me being gay?!”

Zachariah Novak would never qualify as “in shape.”But he was deceptively fast.His hands shot out, catching Dean in the chest and shoving him backwards to land in a sprawl on the edge of the porch.Any harder and Dean would have gone backwards down the steps.

Surprised, Dean looked up to find Zach glaring down at him.“Look at you!” he snarled.“You’re filth!You’re diseased!The Bible calls your kind an abomination, and you personify everything about it.Now you want to come into my home and pollute my family?!I won’t have it!”

Dean rolled fast enough to avoid the kick, but ended up crawling backwards down the steps.“Hey, take it easy!I just wanted to talk to him!Why are you attacking me?!”

Zach caught Dean’s arm, dragged him up with surprising strength.He took the teen by both shoulders and shook him hard.“You’re still a boy.There’s still time!Go to the church, confess your sin, and pray for forgiveness!I know your father is a drunk.You’ve likely had no real parental guidance at all!God will forgive you!”

“There’s nothing to forgive!Take your hands off of me!”

“You’re choosing your sin over your immortal soul?”

Dean twisted free.“I’m not choosing anything!I believe in God, just like everyone else in my family.We’re all Christians, ok?But no church around here would let me in once I came out.That’s why we don’t attend.I never chose to be gay.It’s just who I am!”

“Then you’re a monster, and there is no hope for you.”Zach shoved him away.His hand shot out, finger pointing over Dean’s shoulder.“Go.Get off my property.And don’t come back!I want nothing more to do with any of your family!”

Dean took a couple of steps back, counting to ten.“My brother, Sammy?” he began.“He isn’t gay, alright?He’s straight.So if he comes over, will you let him talk to Cas?”

Zach scoffed.“Why would Balthazar lie when he said he was gay?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.Who do you think knows my brother better, Balth, or me?I swear on my mother’s grave, Sammy isn’t gay.And he’s Cas’s best friend!Please, can he talk to Cas?”

Zachariah narrowed his eyes.He was obviously mulling it over, and Dean held his breath.

“Alright,” Zach said after what felt like forever.“I’ll allow it if Castiel agrees.But you will never be welcomed.If I ever see you on my property again, I’ll have you arrested.You can join your father in prison!”

Dean nodded.He didn’t trust himself to say anything else.Cas.That was all that mattered.He had to know that Cas was alright.Of course that meant he’d have to explain a few things to his brother.Sammy didn’t need to know about Lisa screaming his name, but he did need the basic details of what had happened.Right now, Sammy was the only hope Dean had of reaching Cas.

***

Sam paused, looking at the side of the house.There was something new.Hannah’s bedroom window now had bars on it.His stomach twisted.Was that his fault?Dean hadn’t mentioned anything.Surely if Zach Novak was upset, he wouldn’t have agreed to let Sam come over, right?Sam swallowed hard and went up the stairs to the porch.He pressed the doorbell.

Zachariah Novak himself answered.“Young Mr. Winchester,” he said, “I trust that your visit will be a short one, and that you will respect my home and its rules?”

Sam nodded, intimidated.“Yes, sir.”

“Good.No shoes worn in the house.Always knock before entering any room, and do not enter unless you are granted permission.Castiel is grounded for breaking curfew.He is not permitted to leave his room except for meals and school.Therefore, you’ll be visiting with him in his room.I will let you in, and he will call the main phone when you’re ready to leave.”

That didn’t make any sense to Sam, but he nodded again.“Yes, sir.”

Satisfied, Zach opened the door and allowed Sam inside.Sam quickly took off his shoes.Then he followed Zach up the stairs.Sam took a moment to look around.He’d never been in a house this fancy before.It didn’t look like the home of a man with four teenaged children.It looked more like a model house.Every surface shone.A loud grinding noise made Sam jump, but Zach didn’t seem affected.As he climbed the stairs, he caught sight of an older Hispanic woman in a black uniform walking through.A maid?Holy shit, the Novaks had a maid!

Then something rattled and Sam forgot all about the maid.Zach had a ring of keys in his hand.He selected a key and put it into the padlock attached to the door.Sam stared in horror.“Wait...Is this Cas’s room?He’s locked in?!”

“He is,” Zach confirmed.He either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the gasp of shock Sam gave.“So far, he is the only one I have had to go to this extreme with.Tomorrow, the parts will arrive to install a permanent lock on all the bedroom doors.But for now, this is the only way I have to ensure he doesn’t sneak out.”

“But he’s locked in!What if there’s a fire?He can’t get out!”

“Mr. Winchester, you are a guest in my home,” Zach called sharply.“Do not question how I choose to run my household.”He knocked on the door, ignoring Sam’s open-mouthed stare.“Castiel?You have a visitor.”

“Come in,” Cas called from inside.

Zach opened the door.“I trust you won’t be too long?An hour, at most?”

“Um, sure?”Sam was in too much shock to pay attention as he entered the room.His head was still spinning over the knowledge that Castiel was locked in his room with no hope of getting out.Of course, if there was a fire, he could always go out the window...

Oh.Now he understood what the grinding noise had been.Outside the window, a man was on a ladder.He’d just finished installing the last bolt on the set of bars that now covered the window.No way out there, either.Cas was really trapped.

Then the door closed behind him.Sam whirled, froze at the telltale sound of a lock snapping shut, of footsteps moving away.And finally, what Zach had said about Cas calling the main phone when Sam was ready to leave made sense.For a moment, Sam just stood there, stunned.Then he went to the door.It wouldn’t open.Stunned, Sam took a few stumbling steps back, nearly falling into Cas.“Oh my god,” he moaned, clinging to his friend.“Oh my god, we’re locked in!Cas, he locked us in, we can’t get out, oh my god, Cas!”

“Sam?”Cas had come up behind Sam.Now he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.“Calm down.It’s alright.All I have to do is call downstairs and he’ll let you out.”

“But what about you?Cas, what if there’s a fire?”

“Don’t worry about me.”He was freakishly calm.“Come on.Sit down here on the bed and calm down.”

Sam let his friend take him to the bed.He sat down, trying hard to force himself to calm.Cas rubbed at his shoulders.That helped.“I can’t believe this,” Sam said.“I cannot believe he’s locked you in, put bars on the windows, just because you broke curfew?!”

Cas didn’t answer.

Sam got up and started pacing the room.It was a nice room, much bigger than his own.There was an attached private bathroom with a standing shower.The Novaks didn’t have to work around sharing a single shower.A narrow, frosted glass window was on one wall, to the side and above the sink.Sam climbed up on the sink to examine it and shook his head.“No good.It’s too high, too narrow.You can’t get out of this.”

“That’s why father isn’t putting bars on it,” Cas called quietly.“He knows I can’t get out.Sam, it’s alright.It’s not permanent.”

“Bullshit!”Sam climbed down from the sink to face his friend.“Cas, he just said he’s getting a permanent lock installed on your door!”

“But it won’t be permanently locked,” Cas insisted.“The only reason father locked me in was that I broke curfew again and got grounded.I won’t be locked in all the time.Just while I’m grounded.It’s alright.”

“This?This is anything but alright!”Sam scowled at the ladder being moved away outside the windows.The sight of the bars was making him feel panicky again.“This is insane!Cas, we’re in a cage here!”

“A cage that you will be released from the moment you request it,” Cas reminded calmly.“I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you here.I never expected you to want to talk to me again.”

“What?You’re my best friend!Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?”

Cas shrugged.“It doesn’t matter.Father is only giving you an hour.So if you actually do want to talk to me, can we maybe talk about what you’re here for?”

Of course.Sam wasn’t even remotely done talking about the situation in Cas’s bedroom.The fact that Cas was so calm about being locked in a room from which there was absolutely no escape was sending up its own red flags.But that wasn’t what he came for.“Dean wanted me to talk to you,” he began.“About what you saw.I guess you walked in on him with Lisa Braeden?”

“Tell him I’m sorry,” Cas said quickly.“I overreacted.It was just a shock.Who Dean chooses to be with is none of my business.”

“You sure about that?”Now that his initial shock over being locked in was fading, Sam decided he wanted answers.“Cas, Dean said you looked really upset.You ran out and he couldn’t find you.But now you’re grounded for breaking curfew?That doesn’t make sense!You ran out of that party in plenty of time to get home, even if you walked and stopped for a snack along the way!”

“You would know,” Cas snapped.“You were just leaving when I got home.”

Sam froze.He looked hard at Cas.“What?”

“I saw you, Sam.Climbing out of Hannah’s window.That’s why father is putting bars on them and locking me in.Because I climbed in through that same window and got caught!”

Now Sam felt cold.“This...This is my fault?You’re locked in a cage now because of me?Is Hannah in trouble, too?”

“No, Sam, she’s fine,” Cas growled.“You made a clean getaway.Father has no idea you were even here.”

“Because Zach was too focused on you,” Sam groaned.“Fuck me!I’m so sorry, Cas.I never meant to get you in trouble.When your dad came home early, I had to hide fast.So I was hiding under her bed.We couldn’t figure how to get me out without him seeing me.Then I thought about going out the window.You came in the same way?”

“I saw you leave!”Cas’s fists were clenched, and Sam’s heart sank.“What were you doing with my sister, Sam?!”

“Nothing she didn’t want, alright?Cas, listen...”

He reached for his friend, but Cas pulled away.“I thought you were my best friend?”

“I am!”

“Then how could you do that with my sister?!”

“You want me to break up with her?Fine!”

Cas flinched.“Just like that?Hannah thinks you love her!”

“I love you!Cas, after mom died?Everything’s just kind of a blur.There’s only two things that I really remember – Dean, and you.If you hadn’t been there, I don’t know that I ever would have come back from that.And the way you helped my brother?That’s worth more to me than any girl!”Sam was up, spreading his hands.“Cas, please!You’re my best friend, my brother!If me being with Hannah is going to cause tension between the two of us?It’s over!”

“Bros before hos, right?” Cas said bitterly.“Isn’t that what they say?”

No, that was not going to stand.Sam caught Cas’s shoulders, holding his friend at arm’s length.“I would never say that about your sister,” he said.“She was a virgin for me, alright, Cas?And I do like her.She’s cool.We get along really well.And it’s kind of obvious that she cares a lot for me.Maybe I led her on, made her think something that wasn’t true...”

“Did you tell Hannah that you loved her?”

Sam let his hands drop.“Maybe?”

“Give me one reason that I shouldn’t punch you in the mouth?!”

“I can’t.You want to take a swing, Cas, you go ahead and swing.You mean much more to me than she does.So if breaking up with her and taking a hit is what it’s going to take to keep you?”He spread his hands and closed his eyes.

Cas groaned.Sam opened his eyes to see his friend throw himself face-first onto the bed.“I don’t have any place to tell the two of you what you should and shouldn’t do,” he mumbled into the pillow.“Just like I have no place to tell Dean what to do.We all are capable of making our own decisions.Just because I don’t like them?That doesn’t mean I get to give orders.”

“Hey, Cas, come on,” Sam soothed.He climbed onto the bed and lay on his side, facing his friend.“I like your sister.Honestly, I’d like to stick around with her, see where it goes.But she’s got some ideas about us getting married.”He huffed.“Married!I’m sixteen years old!Marriage isn’t even on the table for me, alright?So it’s fairly obvious that we’re going to have a conversation sooner or later and probably end up breaking up anyway.That’s ok.Right now, the only thing I care about is you.”

Cas turned his head to look at him.Sam reached over and put an arm around him.Cas winced, but made no move to remove it.“Do you want me to break up with her?” Sam asked.“I’ll do it today if that’s what you want.”

“No,” Cas said quietly.“I have no right to ask that of you.”

“Yes, you do.And I’ll do it, Castiel.All you have to do is say the word.If it’s going to be a problem between us, I’m going to choose you over her.I love you, brother.”

“I love you, too.”

Sam smiled at him.“Alright, we square between us?”

Cas smiled back.“I suppose, yes.”

“Then let’s talk about Dean.”Cas’s smile vanished, but Sam pushed on.“He asked me to tell you that what happened between him and Lisa was just depression sex.Yeah, I know,” he continued, seeing the look on Cas’s face.“Knowing Lisa the way I do, she probably initiated it.And knowing Dean, it didn’t mean anything more to him than it did to her.Now tell me why it upset you.”

Cas shifted around, putting his back to Sam.“I’m confused,” he said.“Is Dean gay or not?”

“He is.”Sam moved a bit closer.“Dean has no interest in girls.He’s got nothing against them, has been with a few, but they’re not what he wants.And I think we both know what he does want.”

Cas stayed quiet.

“Cas?”Sam licked his lips, trying to find the words.“Your family’s kind of crazy, buddy.I know, coming from me, that’s saying something.But it’s not right that your father locked you in here with barred windows and no way out.It’s wrong, ok?And it’s wrong that he pushed my brother and said those terrible things to him.Dean didn’t choose to be what he is, he just is.And you’re who you are.”

“I’m not gay!”

“Fine.You know it won’t change anything between the two of us.But Dean?Dean can’t get over you until he knows for sure he has no chance!”Sam sighed.“Listen.I don’t know what went down between you two.All I know is what he told me.The way you ran out?It scared Dean.But at the same time, he can’t help but hope that maybe you ran out, maybeyou were hurt, because you do feel something for him after all?”

Once again, Castiel went silent.

Sam wrapped both arms around his friend and hugged him tightly, missing the way Cas winced again.“Talk to him as soon as you can, alright?Will you do that?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.Then I’ll drop the subject.”He let Cas go and rolled onto his back on the bed, looking over at his friend.“How long are you grounded?”

“The rest of the week.Father said I can go to the game and the dance with Charlie because I’m her ride, but then I have to go straight home.So I won’t be going to the party at the pond.”He chuckled.“I think he thinks I’m interested in her.”

Sam snorted.“He has no idea she’s a lesbian, does he?”

“No.I take a certain amount of sinful pleasure from that.”

Sam cracked up.Cas cracked up.Then they were both laughing.

They wrestled around a bit on Cas’s bed.Sam had plenty of experience wrestling with guys who were larger than he was.He squirmed around, twisting to break his friend’s grip, and ended up climbing onto Cas’s back.For some reason, Cas cried out, leaned too far, and both boys ended up on the floor with a thud.

Immediately the phone rang.Cas grimaced and raced to answer it.“Sorry, father.We were just wrestling.Yes, horseplay.Um, yes, I guess that does mean our talk is over.Alright.Thank you, father.”

“Shit,” Sam sighed when Cas hung up.“I’m getting thrown out, aren’t I?Sorry.Hey, what’s wrong with your back?”

“It’s just a little sore.Don’t worry about it.”

Footsteps came up the stairs.Sam and Cas picked themselves up and were waiting when Zach unlocked the door, ignoring his own rule about knocking to throw it open.“Castiel, don’t forget that you are grounded.Mr. Winchester, I think it’s time for you to go.”

“Yes, sir,” Sam said politely.“Can I just say goodbye to Cas?”

“No.Leave.Now.”

Sam cringed.He looked apologetically at Cas, not wanting to leave him locked alone in his room.But Cas only smiled.“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, ok?And I’ll do what you asked.”

“Thanks.”

Zach was clearing his throat impatiently.Sam quickly stepped out.He watched as Zach reapplied the padlock.“I don’t mean any disrespect,” he began, “but I’m worried about Cas.If there’s a fire, how can he get out?”

“The Lord will provide.Now please leave.”

No choice.Sam trudged down the stairs, got his shoes back on, and headed out.He could only imagine his brother’s reaction when Dean heard about the padlock and the barred windows.Glancing back, Sam saw a man climbing down from the ladder.He could see Lucifer’s face at the window at the top of the ladder, looking out through the newly-installed bars.For a moment their eyes met.Then Lucifer quickly turned and disappeared.

All of them.All four of the Novak siblings were getting bars on their windows.Sam had no doubt they’d all have locks on their doors soon, as well.

With a sinking heart, Sam turned and started walking home.


	25. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is determined to get through to Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BigBro, Blue, Den Mother and I are all miserably sick with colds, so we're all off and huddling together watching TV. Have a chapter a day early. I think you'll enjoy this one.
> 
> MistyEyes chose "Outta My Head" by Daughtry, which is now on my play list. She has an amazing ability to pick songs that fit, doesn't she?
> 
> My idiot brothers wrote a large portion of this. Was a mess to clean up, but I think, overall, they did a decent job.

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he felt so tired.He’d barely gotten any sleep last night after he got back from his security shift.Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Cas, trapped behind a barred window in a locked room of a burning house.He’d finally given up.The rest of the night he’d spent sitting on the couch, watching infomercials on TV until he heard his brother’s alarm sound.How Sammy could sleep after what he’d seen and heard was beyond Dean.

Sammy was certainly quiet.Judging by the dark smudges under his eyes, the younger Winchester hadn’t slept much better than Dean.But at least Sammy ate.Dean was miles away, staring off into space as he sat at the table.He barely tasted his own food.But when Dean looked, he was pleased to see that Sammy had finished off his entire plate of eggs and toast.At least Dean had that comfort.

Classes seemed to drag on forever.He’d spotted Cas a couple of times in the hall, but hadn’t been able to talk to him.Was Cas actively avoiding him?Maybe.Didn’t matter.Dean was going to talk to him one way or another.Besides, Dean wanted a chance to talk to Cas alone, somewhere they wouldn’t be interrupted.

Finally, it was time for lunch.Dean waited, snagged Cas as soon as he got within grabbing distance, and pulled the frowning, resisting other boy with him into the equipment room.Once inside, he dragged one of the racks over in front of the door.There.That would ensure they weren’t interrupted.

“Barricading us in?” Cas asked.He’d backed as far from Dean as he could get and was watching him warily.

“Why are you nervous?It seems to me like you’re used to being locked in!”

Dean grimaced at the look on Cas’s face.“Aw hell, I’m sorry, Cas.It’s just, Sammy didn’t think, by the way you were acting, that this was the first time you were locked in.”

“It’s not,” Cas said quietly.“Our old house had these old-fashioned locks, with the big iron keys?It didn’t happen often, Dean.In fact, it only happened twice before now.Both times father locked me in, it was because I’d run off, didn’t come home when I was supposed to because I was playing with friends.This time was kind of more of the same.I was caught sneaking in after curfew.”He rubbed at the back of his neck, not meeting Dean’s eyes for some reason.“It will probably happen more often now, though,” he admitted.“Father’s saying we’re getting locked in every time we’re grounded for the rest of the school year.He’s really upset.But it’s not that bad.”

“Locking a kid up in a room with barred windows is a bit extreme, don’t you think?No matter what he did!How can you act like that’s no big deal, then get upset with me when I barricade us in here?”

The sudden look Cas shot him drained Dean’s will to fight.“I’m not afraid of being locked in.But that doesn’t mean I enjoy it or want it to happen.”

“I know,” Dean soothed, moving closer.“I’m sorry.I’m an asshole!I have no idea why I would say that.”

Cas shifted.“Sam said you wanted to talk to me.So, talk.”

“Right.”Dean’s sleep-deprived brain struggled for a place to start.“Cas, about what you saw, with me and Lisa?That wasn’t anything!We were both having really bad days and took a little comfort in each other.That’s all.”

“Alright.”After a long moment, Cas looked impatiently at Dean.“Is that all?Can I go now?”

Dean frowned, puzzled.“Why did you run away?”

“Because I was embarrassed,” Cas said.“It was obvious the two of you hadn’t realized you were having sex in front of a picture window and had an audience.”

“Yeah,” Dean grumbled, embarrassed.“I’d like to kill those assholes watching us!I heard Lisa made a few of them reconsider peeping, anyway.I guess that was a bit worse than you and your girlfriend at the game, huh?”

“She’s not my girlfriend, DeanWe broke up after the game.I, well, I didn’t really want to be there with her,” Cas admitted, not seeing the sudden hope in Dean’s eyes.“But that’s off subject.We were talking about you and Lisa.I want you to know, I wasn’t peeping.When I saw those boys at the window, I came in to try to warn the couple they were watching.But I didn’t know it was you.I saw you and realized I’d just walked in on one of my closest friends in the most intimate moment imaginable.I thought you’d be angry, so I ran out.”

“Oh.”Of course.That made perfect sense.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Dean declared.“Cas, I saw your face.You weren’t embarrassed, ok?You looked shocked.You looked angry.But you didn’t look embarrassed.”

“Alright, Dean, do you really want to get into this?Fine.Based on what you’d told me, I made certain assumptions,” Cas began.“Had I walked in on you with another boy, I would have been embarrassed, probably ran out just like I did.But I found the fact that you were with a girl confusing.It made me question if you’d lied to me about your preferences.And that made me wonder what else you’d lied to me about?”

“What’s that mean?”

“Just...Other things you’ve told me.”Cas was looking anywhere but at Dean.

“Cas?”Dean stepped closer.“I didn’t lie when I told you that I was in love with you.I was.”

“Past tense?”

“I still am.Why is that important to you?I thought you didn’t want me?”

“I...It doesn’t matter,” Cas sputtered.“I reacted poorly when I walked in on a situation that I never expected to encounter.I apologize.Now please let me out.”

Dean stood in the way.“Stop.”

Cas glowered and pushed at Dean.“Get out of my way!”

“No.Not until you tell me why it matters to you that I still love you.”

“It doesn’t!”

“It does.Or you never would have brought it up.”Dean took Cas’s shoulders.The other boy was trembling.Dean could feel it where he touched Cas.Cas glanced at Dean for a moment and quickly looked away.“Look at me.Will you look at me?”

Cas shook his head.He pushed Dean’s hands away, still avoiding his eyes.“I think we’ve pretty much reached the limits of this conversation, Dean.Let go of me and let me out.”

“Not until you look at me.”

Cas narrowed his eyes.He moved, trying to get past him and get out.But Dean had been blocking opponents in football for years.Cas’s fake to one side before moving the other way wouldn’t have fooled Dean on his worst day.He grabbed Cas’s arms and pushed him back against the wall, firmly yet gently keeping him in place.

Cas snarled and shoved at him.“Get off me!Let me out of here, Dean!”

“No.Look at me.”

Cas squeezed his eyes shut.

“Cas!Look at me!”

Blue.Deep, rich blue that took Dean’s breath away.A storm was raging in those eyes, threatening to boil over and destroy them both.But Dean wouldn’t, couldn’t, stop now.“You feel something for me,” he insisted.“Something more than friendship.That’s why you were upset when you saw me with Lisa.That’s why you’re having so much trouble looking at me now.And I get it.It’s your father!He pushed me down and tried to kick me for the crime of being myself.He’s already padlocked you inside of a room with barred windows for breaking curfew.So I can only imagine what he’d do to you if he ever found out you have feelings for another guy!”

Castiel seemed to deflate.He sagged, might have fallen to his knees if Dean hadn’t been holding him.His head dropped, a low moan passing through his lips.“Leave me alone, Dean,” he pleaded.“Please, just let me out and leave me alone?”

Dean let him go, hurt.“Is that really what you want?”

No answer.Cas squeezed his eyes shut again.

“Cas!”Dean gave him a gentle shake, waiting until Cas looked up at him again.“What do you really want?” he whispered.“Tell me, and I’ll give it to you.Anything, even if it’s for me to get out of your life forever!What do you want, Cas?”

The trembling was worse.Castiel’s eyes were wide.His mouth opened, but no sound came out.In his eyes, the storm broke.Tears glistened, swelled and ran down his cheeks.“I...I want...”

“What?”

Cas lunged forward and kissed him.

Dean froze in shock for maybe three seconds.Then his arms were around Cas, crushing him to his chest while he kissed back.“Cas,” he moaned.“Castiel, oh my god, you do want me!You do!”

“No!No no no!Let go!”

Cas was trying to pull free.Not happening.Dean held him tight, refusing to let go even as Cas cried out and shoved against him.“Cas, stop!I’m not letting you go, not this time!”

“You’re hurting me!”

“How the fuck am I hurting you?!”

“My back!Let me go!”

What the hell was wrong with his back?Didn’t matter.Dean let go long enough to grab Cas’s arms again.Then he was pulling him in for another kiss.

Cas thrashed, twisting his arms at the shoulder until Dean finally let go.But Cas didn’t run.He threw his arms around Dean’s neck instead.His kisses were practically full-body, pressing against Dean until Dean found himself shoved roughly backwards into a shelf.  “Yeah, Cas,” Dean moaned between kisses.“Fuck yeah!”

Once again, Cas twisted free.

Dean was simply unable to process Cas’s rapidly-shifting moods.All he knew was that Cas was trying to pull the rack away from the door.He was trying to get out.No.Dean grabbed him around the middle, lifting him and turning away from the door.

“No!” Cas cried, clawing at Dean’s hands.“Let go of me!I have to get out of here!”

“No way!You’re...Oh hell, are you going to throw up again?!Aw, shit!”

Cas was heaving.Fortunately, nothing was coming up but some clear fluid.Dean let him down, but didn’t let go of him.“Ok.Just breathe, Cas.Anything coming up?”

“Nothing to come up,” Cas gagged.“That’s the only reason I didn’t throw up right away.I barely ate supper last night, couldn’t eat breakfast, and you brought me in here instead of letting me go to lunch.”

“Shit.I’m sorry.Just breathe, ok?”Dean shook his head.“One minute you’re kissing the life out of me, the next minute you’re tossing your cookies all over the floor!I love you, but I have to tell you, when it comes to mixed signals, you take the cake!”

“It’s not personal.”Cas’s stomach seemed to have settled down a bit.He was leaning back against Dean.Dean was all too willing to let him keep doing it.“It’s just something that happens when I… have feelings… about another guy.”

“You puke?”

Cas nodded.“I was told it was my body purging itself of sin.”

“Cas, that’s bullshit!”

“I suspected as much,” Cas admitted.“But that doesn’t keep it from happening every time I…”

Dean held him, patiently waiting as Cas dry heaved a bit more.Cas panted, leaning back against Dean again.He put his head back against Dean’s shoulder, breathing hard to settle his stomach.The position exposed his throat.Dean took full advantage, sliding a hand up Cas’s throat to cup his chin and nuzzling against the exposed skin.That drew a moan from Cas.“Dean!Please!Leave me alone?”

“No.”Dean wrapped both arms tightly around Cas.“Not unless you can tell me you don’t feel anything for me.”

“You know I do!” Cas cried.His hands clung to Dean’s arms.“I can’t help it!I know it’s a sin.I know it’s wrong, but ever since the first day I saw you, I couldn’t get you out of my head.You’re incredible, Dean!I’ve never met anyone as wonderful, as perfect, as you are.You’re all I think about, alright?!And no matter what I try, I can’t change the way I feel!”

“Cas, you don’t have to,” Dean said quickly.“There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for me!I love you!”

Cas went quiet.He sagged in Dean’s arms.“I can’t do this, Dean.I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“That’s ok.”Dean reached up a hand to catch Cas’s face and bring it up.He nuzzled against Cas’s cheek.“It’s ok, angel.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Alright.Alright, Cas.Whatever you want,” Dean whispered.“I’ll do anything, anything you ask.You need me to go slow, keep this quiet?I can do that!Just please, let me touch you.Let me have you, even if all you can give me is moments like this!If you can’t kiss me without throwing up, then we’ll work around it.And no one has to know about us.”

“So then we both live a lie?”

Dean sighed at the bitterness in Cas’s voice.“Cas, when I graduate, I’m going into the Marines.The policy there is ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’So the idea of living a lie?That isn’t a new concept for me, alright?What’s going to get me through that is knowing that when it’s over, I can be who I really am.And I want to be with you.”He buried his face against Cas’s shoulder.“I have never felt for anyone else what I feel for you.I love you.I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.I’ll keep this a secret.I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect you, Cas, until you’re free to make your own choices.”

Cas gave a little gasp.“You’d do that for me?”

“Yes!I’ll go as slow as you need.And I’ll keep it secret.No one will know.”Dean lifted Cas’s chin again, kissing a line up the side of Cas’s neck.“How’s this?You seemed ok with it before.This upsetting your stomach?”

“No, not really, I…”His body suddenly relaxed, his head resting against Dean’s shoulder.“I like that, Dean.”

“You like it?”Dean kept it up, delighting in the little sigh Cas gave.“We can do things like this.If you’ll let me?”

“Ok.”Pause.“Can we do a little more?I really like the way you touch me.”

Dean thought his heart would burst right out of his chest like a cartoon character and splatter on the wall.He turned Cas around and gently pushed him against the wall.Rubbed hands possessively over Cas’s chest and shoulders.He practically purred when Cas’s fingers tentatively combed through his hair.“That’s right.You can touch me.I want you to touch me.”

That brought a smile to Cas’s face.Now his hands were eagerly moving, tracing Dean’s face, down his throat to his chest.But even as his hands expressed his need, his eyes were filled with fear.“No one can know,” he pleaded.“Please, Dean!If father finds out, he’ll send me away and I can’t!I can’t go through that again.”

“Go through what again?Cas, angel…”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry!Stop!”

It was all Dean could do to hold Castiel as the younger boy pried at his hands, lunging again towards the door.“Let go of me!I can’t do this!He’ll send me away!”

“No, he won’t,” Dean promised.He overpowered Cas as gently as he could, carefully pressing him back against the wall.He refused to hurt this beautiful boy.But Dean was determined to hold him until he finally stilled.“He won’t, Castiel.Because he won’t know.When you’re 18 and you can make decisions for yourself?Then you can do what you want.But for now?You’re safe.No one has to know.You’re safe, I swear it!”He leaned into Cas, crowding him against the wall as Cas squirmed.“Please.Stop fighting.I won’t hurt you.Shh.Just relax.Yeah,” he encouraged as Cas’s struggles eased.He went back to kissing Cas’s throat again, still whispering encouragement.“That’s right.Relax.You like this, remember?”

Again, that little sigh.Cas was relaxing again.Dean was determined not to trigger his friend - boyfriend, Cas was his boyfriend now, even if it was in secret - again.Boyfriend.Just the thought was enough to make Dean want to shout with happiness.He pulled Cas against his chest.Ghosted his lips across Cas’s skin.“I’ll take care of you,” he vowed.“I’ll protect you.Just let me?”

To Dean’s relief, Cas was wrapping his arms around him.“Ok.I’m sorry, Dean.I want this so much, but I’m just so scared!”

“Don’t be.”Dean crushed Cas.“You’ve gone through some shit.That’s obvious.And I get it now.It’s all starting to make sense.”He was whispering into the shell of Cas’s ear now, one hand rubbing between his shoulders, the other arm tight around him.“You’ve been taught all your life that you can’t be what you are, haven’t you?Someday, I hope you can trust me enough to talk to me about it.”

Cas didn’t answer.He just leaned into Dean.“I can have this?I can be with you in secret, and no one will find out?”

“We’ll be real careful.I’ve got experience, alright?Believe me, you’re hardly the first boyfriend I’ve had who’s still in the closet!”

At the word “boyfriend” Cas stiffened.Dean groaned inwardly, prepared for Cas to freak out again.But he didn’t.He just looked at Dean.In his eyes, the storm was still raging.“This isn’t fair to you.I have no right to ask you to hide who you are for me.”

“I have no damned intention of hiding who I am.Not until I go into the Marines and I have to.But I’ll hide what we are to each other,” Dean said.“I’ll do that for you.”

“I can’t ask you to!”

“You’re not.I’m offering.All I ask is that you give me a chance.Will you do that?”

A fierce nod, followed by an embrace so tight it nearly took Dean’s breath away.“I trust you.I trust you, Dean.”

“That’s all I ask.”Dean fought back the urge to kiss Castiel’s mouth, not wanting a repeat dry heaving episode.He contented himself with kissing just below and behind his ear.That brought a moan that went straight to Dean’s dick.“Holy fuck, Cas, you are going to be the death of me!”

Cas was such an odd combination of brazen and shy.The kiss he planted on Dean’s cheek was chaste.But the way his eyes smoldered, the way his hand lingered on Dean’s chest, was anything but.“Call me,” he urged.“I have a private line.You can call and talk to me this week while I’m grounded.And then Friday, at the game, or at least at the dance?”

“You and me,” Dean vowed.He lifted the hand on his chest to his lips.Looking into Cas’s eyes, he kissed the tips of them.Dean’s hormones were screaming to take those delicate fingers into his mouth.No.Go slow.Cas needed time to heal, to accept who he was.Don’t push it.Patience.Time.Trust.Those were the things that Cas needed the most.Dean fully intended to give him all three.

Dean came out of the room first, making sure the coast was clear before waving Cas out.The smile he got for this made him feel almost dizzy.He watched as the boy he loved ducked into the cafeteria.Dean checked his watch.Good.Cas was a bit late, but they’d still be serving food.He’d be able to eat after all.But unfortunately, Dean couldn’t do the same.If he went in late after Cas, it might make the wrong people suspicious.Oh well.It would hardly be the first time he’d gone without lunch.Now all he had to do was find a place to lie low and avoid teachers until the next bell rang.Outside was out, as it was pouring rain.He’d have to find somewhere inside, and he didn’t want to stay in the equipment room.Maybe the computer room?He could surf the net while he waited out lunch.That was a good idea.

He started down the hall and was walking past the music room when he heard the sound and everything changed.

The halls of a high school were not designed with acoustics in mind.Sound echoed, carried, and was distorted.The racket from the noisy cafeteria was bouncing around in the hall, drowning out most other sounds.But Dean still heard it.It was faint.But it immediately sent all of Dean’s protective instincts into overdrive.He’d know that voice anywhere.Sammy, crying out in pain, while being somehow muffled.

In an instant Dean was through the door.There.Balthazar Novak had his little brother pinned down on the floor, a knee on his back.A hand was over Sammy’s mouth.His other hand gripped Sammy’s wrist, pulling his arm up behind his back.Sammy’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut.His other hand was fisted, pressing against the floor.Sammy was clearly in pain.Balthazar was laughing.He hadn’t realized anyone had come in and never looked around.Instead, he pulled on Sam’s arm again, drawing another cry Balth muffled with his hand.Then all Dean could see was red.


	26. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally learns that Sam is being bullied

_“What do you want to do first?” I asked.I was heading towards my vehicle, closely followed by a blonde thirteen-year-old.“We have the whole day.I can show you whatever you want to see.”_

_“The Mile,” he said immediately.“I want to see the Mile.”_

_I froze in my tracks.“The Mile?How do you know about that?”_

_“I just do, alright?And I want to see it.”_

_“Jack, the Mile doesn’t actually exist anymore,” I warned.“They filled in the pond and tore down the dock.”_

_Jack was only 13, but one look at his face told me everything.His eyes were filled with anger as he looked up at me.“You said you would show me whatever I wanted to see,” he reminded me.“And I want to see the Mile.”_

_I shifted.Blue eyes seemed to be burning through me.My mind raced.“Who told you about it?”_

_Jack sighed the way only an irritated teen could sigh.“I’m not stupid, ok?The walls aren’t exactly soundproof.I heard mom talking to someone on the phone, explaining why she had to leave Lawrence.”_

_“Jack, the reason your mom had to leave?It didn’t have anything to do with what happened at the pond!Well,” I corrected, “it kind of did, but that happened after she left.”_

_“And it happened because of me.”_

_“No.”My voice was firm, which seemed to surprise him a little.“What happened that night was not your fault.Don’t you ever think for one minute that it was!We all made the choices that led to the Mile well before you were born.We were kids, stupid kids who did stupid things for stupid reasons that made sense at the time.It wasn’t until much later that we learned to regret those choices.Every one of us bears some of that guilt except for you.Out of all of us, you are the only one who is completely innocent!”_

_That quieted him for a moment.I could see him mulling it over.His brows creased in a familiar frown.No one could miss the family resemblance.“I still want to see it,” he said at last.“Even if the pond isn’t there anymore, the Mile still is, right?I want to see that.I want to walk the Mile.”The eyes looked up, pinning me in their gaze like a deer in headlights.“And then we’ll talk.”_

_My heart sank.But I nodded.He deserved to know.We’d already talked about how I would handle whatever he asked.Jack deserved whatever truth he felt he could handle.If he wanted to walk the Mile, then we’d walk the Mile._

_I parked in the visitor’s lot at the high school and got out.Soon, we were walking along the side of the road.I wasn’t prepared for the memories.Even 14 years later, the view from the road was largely the same._

_Jack kept pace with me, taking in the sights as we walked.The trail was overgrown, but I knew exactly where to turn off the road.How many times had I traveled this trail, heading to the pond to party or swim?But I never expected to ever be bringing someone like Jack with me._

_I hesitated, glancing back at Jack as he struggled through the brush.“Do you need some help?”_

_“No.I can do this.”He forced his way through, moving to walk behind me.Alright.I plowed ahead, being careful to hold branches for him.Made sure he had them before I moved ahead.I stomped down on the underbrush, clearing the path as well as I could.When we finally emerged into a farmer’s field, he frowned._

_“I told you, it’s all gone,” I offered.“There’s nothing to see here.”_

_Jack looked back.“It’s not as far as I thought.”_

_“It’s about a mile and a quarter.But even that can feel like a long long way if the conditions are right.”_

_The teen’s eyes locked on me again.“Alright.Let’s talk.”_

_“Sure.”I tucked my hands into my pockets, inwardly bracing.“What would you like to know?”_

_Now anger flooded his features.“Why are you doing this?Why are you acting so stupid?!”_

_I blinked.“Excuse me?”_

_“You’re all doing it!All of you treat me like I’m just a dumb kid, like I don’t know anything.But I do!I know!”_

_Something twisted inside of me.But I had to be sure.“What, Jack?” I asked.“What do you know?”_

_He shoved at me.The attack was so hard and sudden that I stumbled backwards, nearly fell.I quickly caught myself, looking in surprise at the furious teen.“I know!” he yelled.“I found the cards, ok?Mom had this box in her closet, filled with all these cards.They’re from since I was a toddler, for my birthday and every holiday, even Halloween!All those cards, all with letters inside of them?I found them, and I read them all.I know!”_

_I swayed on my feet.“You know,” I repeated stupidly._

_“Yes, I know!And I want you to tell me right now why no one ever told me?!”_

_“Because we were just kids,” I whispered.“Because we didn’t know what to do.And because a couple of months before everything came to a head here, something happened back at the school.We didn’t know it then, but that was the point where everything really started to fall apart.”_

***

Sam had known from the moment he woke up that morning that today would be bad.He’d done what he could to prepare.Jeans.Long-sleeved turtleneck.That would hide most of the new marks.Sam frowned at his reflection. The turtleneck, which used to fit well, now hung from his frame.His shoulder bones jutted out.Lifting it revealed the clear shape of his ribs.That, and the bruises, were something Hannah had been asking about the last time they were together.Unlike the other girls he’d been with, she hadn’t been satisfied with his explanation that they were from practicing stunts at cheer practice.Hannah was unusually persistent.Of course, most of the girls he’d been with had mothered him to some extent.It was part of how he got with them in the first place, after all.Except for Hannah, most of them had voiced concern about him losing weight.She’d fixated on the bruises, even doing exactly what Cas had done and asking him flat-out if Dean was hurting him?It wasn’t until after he’d made it clear he wasn’t talking about the bruises that she’d started asking about his weight.He’d blown off her concerns as he had all the others.But now that he saw proof of how much weight he’d lost, he paused.He’d known that the weight he’d given Grice hadn’t been accurate.He’d been aware he was losing weight.But just how much had he lost?

Sam went into the bathroom, closed the door, and stepped on the scale. 102?That couldn’t be right.He’d lost more weight than he’d thought.He looked down at himself for a moment.Then he stripped down and stepped on the scale again.The number alarmed him.98?!What the hell?!Obviously something was wrong with the scale.Sam quickly dressed, but paused in the act of pulling on his turtleneck.He looked at himself in the mirror, finally seeing how thin he actually was.He’d always been skinny, but this?This was troublesome.He hadn’t been trying to lose weight.All he’d wanted was a little control.It was stupid, but how much he ate was pretty much the only thing in his life now that Sam still had control over.Maybe he’d been overdoing it.Alright.He’d make sure he ate at supper tonight.But he wasn’t eating breakfast and fully intended to skip lunch.There was no way around that.The last time he’d thrown up while Balthazar was beating him, the older boy had shoved his face in it.Sam had learned his lesson.

Heading out, Sam checked his backpack.His bottle of make-up was already inside, wrapped in paper towels.He added the small first aid kit from the camping gear along with a couple of instant ice packs and a travel sized bottle of motrin.There.Best he could do.

Dean had frowned at him when Sam told him not to pack him a lunch.But he’d nodded when Sam displayed the money he was tucking into his pocket.“I’ll get a hot lunch today,” he’d told his nosey big brother.“Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

It had been enough to satisfy Dean.But Sam had no intention of eating lunch.He’d gotten good at palming food while Dean was distracted, getting nearly all of the toast and eggs Dean had made for breakfast into his napkin to flush.Lucky for him, Dean had a lot on his mind today.Good.If Dean had been paying attention, Sam would have had to stick his finger down his throat again.That carried its own risks of discovery.This way, he could pop into the bathroom just before they left for school, flush the food away, and no one was the wiser.

By the time he sat down next to Cas for homeroom, Sam’s stomach was growling as usual.Didn’t matter.He’d gotten good at ignoring it.Worth it, just to know he had even that much control in his life.

Cas smiled at him, but wouldn’t meet his eyes.That was almost a blessing.He reached out, squeezed his friend’s arm, and received another smile in return.Sam knew Cas had spent the night locked in his room and would be locked in again when he returned home.And that was on Sam.If they weren’t already, soon all four of the Novak siblings would be caged like animals.No doubt Balthazar would be waiting, looking to make Sam pay for it.Sam just hoped Balth wouldn’t hurt him to the point he couldn’t do stunts on Friday.

Sam was lucky enough that he didn’t see the older boy all morning.But at lunch, his luck ran out.An arm locked around his neck, dragging him backwards down the hall.“Glad I found you,” Balth’s voice murmured in his ear.“I really need my toy today.”

Sam didn’t answer.He clung to the arm, managing to keep it pulled enough away from his throat to breathe until Balth threw him into the music room.Sam landed on his hands and knees with a sigh.Pushing his backpack to safety away from him, Sam got to his feet and turned to face his tormentor.“For what it’s worth?” he said.“I’m sorry you’re all locked in.”

Balthazar was at the window, tapping on it.Outside, Lucifer waved, lit cigarette in hand.Balth waved back.Then he turned and glared at Sam.“Why don’t you shut up about things you don’t know anything about?” he snarled.“I’ve got my fucking asshole brother to thank for that!Father’s perfect little angel fucked up and dragged us all down with him, as usual.The only good thing about moving was that the doors didn’t have locks, and now, thanks to Cassie’s bullshit, they do!”

The first blow was to Sam’s stomach.He doubled over, retching, glad he had nothing in his stomach.“Don’t hurt Cas,” he managed.“We had a deal, remember?I let you hurt me, and you leave Cas and Dean alone!”

“Oh, believe me, I remember!”

A hard shove to his back, sending him sprawling onto the floor.Then Balthazar was on top of him, landing with a knee to Sam’s kidney.Sam hissed through his teeth, trying to keep quiet.If he made too much noise, Balthazar would cover his mouth.Then, when he started to cry from the pain, it was hard to breathe.And Balth always made him cry.He wouldn’t stop until he did.No.Try to keep quiet.It was all he could do.

Balth’s arm was around Sam’s neck again, pulling Sam’s head painfully back and greatly restricting his breathing.“Do you have any idea what it’s like?” Balth was saying as Sam gasped and clawed at the arm.“To be locked in a room with bars on the windows?To know you’re completely trapped and that no one is coming to let you out?!”

“No!” Sam cried.“I don’t know what it’s like.I can’t imagine what it’s like!It’s abuse, Balth!You need to call someone, get help…”

It was the wrong thing to say.Balth got up, lifted him up and physically threw Sam.Sam hit the brick wall.His right shoulder throbbed from the impact.“Please!Don’t hurt me too much?I’m sorry you’re locked up, but taking it out on me won’t help you.”

“You think the cops will?You know what they’ll do?They’ll ship me and Cas off to some foster family, probably separate us and give us to child molesters, and leave Luci and Hannah there to bear the brunt of it alone!But we’re not staying.I’m 17, and Luci’s 19.Once my birthday hits, we’re taking off, but until then I gotta put up with it.Lucky me, I have my toy to help me through it.”

Balth pounced on Sam again.He grabbed his right arm and Sam yelped in pain.“Please, stop!You really hurt me!I have to cheer on Friday.Don’t hurt my shoulder anymore, ok?”

Balth made a sympathetic face.“Aw, did the poor widdle boy get a boo boo on his shoulder?Well, don’t worry.Dr. Balthazar can fix you right up!”

He seized Sam’s left arm, twisting it behind his back.When he tugged on it, Sam let out a cry of pain.“Stop!”

“What?I’m making this one match your other shoulder!See?Now be quiet!”

“Stop, please, you’re gonna pop it out!”

Balth’s answer was to clap a hand over Sam’s mouth.

Sam’s nails dug into his palms.He cried out into Balth’s hand and shoved his right fist against the floor, desperate to brace back and take some of the pressure off.It seemed to amuse Balthazar.He was laughing as he pulled on Sam’s arm once more.The pain was awful, muscles and tendons straining to hold against the unnatural position.It was going to dislocate.Sam cried out again into Balth’s hand.Stop, please, please stop!

And then suddenly the terrible pressure was gone.There was a pained yelp of surprise from Balthazar, followed by the unmistakable sound of a fist pounding into a face.Then there was a crash, the sound of a body falling among folding chairs.

“Sammy!”Dean gathered up the smaller boy.“Are you alright?What the fuck did that piece of shit do to you?!”

Dean was here.No.Dean couldn’t be here.Sam looked and saw Balth.He’d been knocked into the rows of folding chairs that the band used for practice.His face was flushed with anger, with one part of his jaw a much darker color.Already he was back on his feet, but he wasn’t moving towards Dean.He was moving towards the window, where he knocked once more on the glass.Sam’s eyes went to the telltale bulge in the pocket of Balth’s jeans.The knife.Balth had his knife, Dean was here, and Lucifer was right outside.No.Now Balth was turning back towards him, his expression dark and murderous.

“Sammy!Answer me!What did he do to you?!”

“N-Nothing!”Sam started pushing Dean, desperate to get his brother out of the room.Dean would be safe in the halls.Balth and Luci couldn’t lock Dean in, couldn’t gang up on him and hurt him in the halls.

Dean, unfortunately, was stubborn and large.Sam shoved at him.“I’m fine,” he insisted.“It’s nothing, Dean, we were just playing around.”

“Just playing around?!He was hurting you!”Dean gingerly touched Sam’s shoulder, oblivious of the fact that Balth had just moved to the outside door to let his brother in.“He had you pinned down with your arm twisted up behind your back!He was hurting you!”

“No!I’m fine, see?”Sammy waved his arm dramatically.“We were just playing!Now go, before a teacher sees you!”

“Oh no, stay!” Luci called.“By all means, Dean, stay.We’ll have a little chat.”

Dean turned, frowning at Lucifer.“This has nothing to do with you, Luci.It’s just me and Balth.He hurt my brother, and we’re going to have a little discussion about that.”

“Ah, but you see, that’s the problem,” Luci said.He took Balth’s chin, turning his brother’s face to display the mark Dean had left.“You hurt my brother, too!So I guess I’m involved in this discussion.Because no one fucking touches my brother!”

Dean narrowed his eyes.“Looks like we got something in common after all.”

Sam shoved hard at his brother, nearly knocking Dean over.“Come on, Dean, let’s just go!”

“Sammy, go out in the hall,” Dean called.His eyes were fixed on the Novak brothers.“I got this.”

“Yeah, scoot out, junior,” Luci called.“The grown-ups are talking.”

“No!”Sam ran at Balthazar.“No, Balth, you have to stop this, we had…”

Balthazar shoved him, and Sam sprawled backwards.More folding chairs went flying.Dean let out a bellow of fury and charged Balthazar.The two went down in a tangle of flying limbs.Lucifer slammed a shoulder into Dean’s side, knocking him off of Balthazar.Dean got up, turning to face this new threat.But Balth was back up.Moving behind Dean, he grabbed both of Dean’s arms.“Come on, Luci!Fuck this fag up!”

“No!”Sam ran at Lucifer, only to be thrown backwards again.Sam looked up in horror, seeing his brother struggling against Balth as Luci started beating him.No.Sam couldn’t stop this.Luci and Balth were too big, too strong.But he couldn’t let them beat Dean!

He ran out into the hall, yelling for help.The cafeteria.He could find help there.Sam started running, turned a corner, and nearly plowed into a couple making out by the water fountain.The boy was the most welcome sight Sam had ever seen.“Benny!Benny, come on!”

The look Benny gave Sam at being interrupted was murderous.The look Andrea gave him was even worse.Sam didn’t care.Desperate, he dragged the larger boy stumbling after him until he’d shoved his way through the music room doors.

By this time, Dean had managed to get free from Balth and was fighting both boys.Benny looked, saw what was happening and immediately stalked forward.“Two on one?Oh, hell no!”

Now the fight was even.Benny went for Balth, leaving Dean free to dive on Luci.Dean was panting, blood dripping from his face.But the Novak brothers were still fighting.Sam grabbed a folding chair and swung with all his strength.It worked great on TV, but not so much in real life.Luci saw the attack and shifted at the last minute, receiving only a glancing blow.Then he yanked the chair out of Sam’s hands and threw it at Benny.“Balth!Cut these bitches!”

The knife.Sam was in a panic.Already, Balth’s hand was going for his pocket.But Benny closed with him, and Balth was too busy to dig around in his pockets.

Suddenly, the room was full of people.Andrea had brought help.Shouting teachers and students were dragging the combatants apart.No one wanted to stop fighting.Sam couldn’t see around all the bodies.Cas was there for a second, shoving his way between Dean and Luci.Sam lost everyone in the crowd.He ignored the orders of one of the teachers to go into the hall and ran around, yelling for Dean, trying not to get trampled.Then he caught a glimpse of Cas again and panicked.Balth had his arm around Cas’s neck, holding his youngest brother close to his side.Sam grabbed another chair and charged forward.“No!Don’t hurt him!Don’t hurt Cas!”

“Samuel!Enough!”A teacher had hold of Sam now, wrenching the chair out of his grip.

“No, you don’t understand!” Sam shrieked.“Balthazar has a knife!”

Instantly the room went silent.White-faced teachers ordered everyone back and surrounded Balthazar.Sam snagged Castiel and dragged him back.“Cas!Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”Cas had an odd look on his face.But he didn’t seem hurt.Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

“Empty your pockets,” Mr. Green ordered Balth.“Now!”

“Sure.”Balthazar emptied his pockets, producing a wallet, a cloth hanky, and a plastic comb from the back pockets.The main pockets of his jeans he turned inside-out.They were empty.

Sam was still with Cas, keeping him safely out of Balth’s reach.It took him a moment to realize that Balth didn’t have his knife.When all eyes turned to him, Sam shook his head.“No, he has a knife.He showed it to me!Lucifer knew!He told Balth to use it, said ‘Cut these bitches.’If Balth doesn’t have it, then he must have passed it to Luci!”

“Seriously?” Lucifer complained as all eyes went to him.“I’d prefer not to empty my pockets.I’ve got some personal stuff that…”

“Empty them, right now!”

“Alright, alright, geez!”Lucifer reluctantly emptied his pockets.He had his wallet, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter that were immediately confiscated.He hesitated at the last pocket and Sam held his breath.But at a glare from Mr. Green, Luci sighed dramatically, reached into the pocket, and produced a wrapped condom.“Happy now?The whole school’s going to think I’m a pervert, but hey, at least I’m safe!”

Sam blinked in confusion.“I don’t understand.Balth had a knife!I saw it!”

“It was a bad fight,” Ms. Spitzler offered, looking around at the injuries on all four fighters.“Things get confusing in a fight.It’s ok that you made a mistake.”

“But I didn’t…!”

No one was listening.Cas remained by Sam, looking upset.Sam was still clinging to him protectively.Now, as the room began to empty, he let go.“He had a knife,” he said weakly.“Cas, he had a knife!”

“He doesn’t now,” Cas said quietly.“But it doesn’t matter.Luci and Bath are going to get detention for this.They’ll be grounded.”

That meant they’d be locked in their rooms.Sam’s stomach sank.He flinched at the look Balthazar gave him on his way to the principal’s office.

“You too, Samuel,” Ms. Spitzler called.“You seem to have been involved, so you can come and explain what happened.”

Explain what happened?Sam didn’t even know where to begin.All he knew was that he’d somehow managed to make a bad situation far, far worse.


	27. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets to tell his side of the story. Castiel makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's Samandriel'sBigBro, JotItDown's older better looking brother. He's out of town and just texted me saying log in change the date and post this. He's got the chapter already on here in draft form. I don't know why he didn't just post it. He makes no sense. Enjoy the chapter.

“I heard Sam cry out,” Dean was explaining.“That’s how I knew something was wrong.I went in and there was Balth.He had my little brother on the floor, had his hand over Sammy’s mouth, and was wrenching his shoulder!”

“Like Sam told you, we were just playing,” Balth called calmly.“You over-reacted, punched me in the face.I got worried with two of you there, so I called my brother.Luci came in to help me.Then you started to attack both of us!”

“And Lucifer was outside, smoking?”The principal frowned at Luci.

Luci squirmed in his seat.“Alright, I was smoking, but it’s a good thing!Balthazar had a big mark on his face where Dean hit him.I wasn’t about to let that slide, so I confronted Dean.It took two of us to try to settle that big dumb jock down.If Balth had been alone, Dean would have beaten the shit out of him!I was just protecting my little brother.”

“Who needed his ass kicked because he was attacking Sammy!”

“When I came in, both you assholes…Er, sorry,” Benny corrected as the principal glowered at him.“Both of you were ganging up on Dean, so I went after Balth.”

“And at any time, did either of you see a knife?”

Dean and Benny looked at each other.They shook their heads.

“He had a knife,” Sam insisted weakly.He was sitting in a chair, staring at his folded hands.“Balthazar has been bullying me since the start of the school year.He would drag me into that music room and beat me up on average once or twice a week, after he’d torture me until he made me cry.And I let him do it because he showed me the knife.Said if I told anyone, he’d go after Dean and Cas.”

It was the wrong thing to say.Dean stared at Sam for a moment.Then he was up and after Balthazar.

A few moments of absolute mayhem later, everyone was back in their seat.The school nurse was back, sighing at the new cuts she was treating.

“Samuel, that is a very serious accusation,” the principal was saying.“This school has a zero tolerance policy on weapons here.You realize that what you’re saying could result in not only a permanent suspension from school for Balthazar, but also potential criminal charges?”

“Yes,” Sam said, glaring at Balthazar.“I’m aware.And I’m telling the truth.”

Balthazar and Lucifer were trying to murder Sam with their eyes.Benny loudly cleared his throat.“I didn’t see a knife there, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have one,” he pointed out.“It got pretty crazy.He might have hidden it somewhere?”

“I thought of that,” the principal said.“I already had the music room searched.There’s no knife.Samuel, do you have any proof of what you’re saying?”

“Just this.”Sam stood up and raised his shirt, displaying the bruises.“Like I said, he’s been bullying me for a while,” he continued, ignoring the sounds his brother was making.“And I think it’s pretty obvious right now that I didn’t tell anyone.Why?Because Balth had a knife!I don’t know what he did with it.I can’t explain that.But he had it, he threatened my brother and my best friend, and that’s why I let him hurt me.”

“You got a lot of balls, Winchester,” Balthazar snarled, “but no proof.The truth is, your fag brother has had a crush on me from day one!He saw us wrestling and thought we were making out.That’s the real reason he attacked me.”

Benny was holding Dean back now, trying to keep his friend from getting into any more trouble.But Balthazar wasn’t finished.His eyes had gone to the red-faced older Winchester.“As to the bruises?Well, we all know what kind of home you two come from, don’t we?Looks like big brother just picked up where daddy left off!”

“Alright, everyone calm down!” the principal yelled, straining to shout over the angry swearing and threats.“Samuel.Does anyone else know about the bullying?Let’s start there.”

Sam started to shake his head.Then he brightened.“Yes!Yes, I told Cas!Castiel knows, but he didn’t know who it was.I couldn’t tell him it was his own brother because Balth threatened him and Dean.But Cas knew someone was hurting me, and he knew it wasn’t Dean, either!He asked that question when he saw my bruises.Cas knew!”

A moment later, Castiel was being ushered in.The youngest Novak’s face was pale as his eyes flicked between his brothers and the Winchesters.

“Castiel?” the principal asked gently.“There have been a lot of accusations made here today, but right now it’s just the word of one against another.We were hoping you could help us.Will you do that?”

Cas swallowed hard.“I’ll try?”

“Alright.First, do you know if your brother Balthazar has a knife?”

Cas’s eyes flicked to Balth’s.Balth’s face bore a smug smile.“No,” Cas said.“Balth doesn’t have anything like that.”

Sam blinked in surprise.Balthazar always had the knife in his pocket any time Sam had seen him.How could Cas not know?

“Alright, one more question.Has Samuel ever told you anything about being bullied?”

Cas froze.The sound of the clock ticking on the wall seemed like a jackhammer pounding in slow motion, but just as loud.Cas’s eyes locked on Sam.Sam stared back at him.Come on, Cas.Please.Be strong enough to tell the truth.

But Cas was shaking his head.“No.No, I’m sorry, but he never said anything like that to me.”

Sam’s jaw dropped.He was peripherally aware of Dean’s gasp of disbelief, Benny’s low grumble of disapproval.But mostly he was aware of Balthazar’s mocking laughter.“See?Told you!He’s nothing but a little liar!”

“Yeah, but we understand,” Lucifer was saying.His voice was dripping with mock sympathy.“It’s been a rough year for both of them.I think Balth is with me when I say we want to just forget the whole thing, let bygones be bygones, and just let everyone go on with their lives.”

The principal was speaking again.Something about detention for all five boys involved in the fight.Whatever she said immediately silenced Balth and Luci.But Sam was barely listening.He was staring hard at Castiel.In his mind’s eye, he was again seeing his friend, standing with Balth.Balth’s arm had been around Cas’s neck, drawing Cas’s head close to his mouth.At the time, Sam had been terrified that Balth was about to carry out his threat, hurt Cas to punish Sam.But now, remembering the scene, he could recall Balth was speaking to Cas.Balth’s other hand was moving, passing something to his younger brother.Cas.So that’s where Balth got rid of the knife.

***

Castiel avoided Dean the rest of the day, unable to bear the look of hurt betrayal he knew was in the other boy’s eyes.In a way, it was almost a relief.Now Dean wouldn’t want him anymore.Castiel wouldn’t have this ongoing war inside.Fear and shame battling with desire and longing.It was over.His friendship with the Winchesters was likely over, too.That was for the best.Castiel could go on with his life.Live the way his father wanted him to live.Pure.Godly.No more laughing at Sammy’s jokes and silly pranks.No more hot, delicious moments behind closed doors with Dean.He was alone again.As it should be.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t avoid Sammy.He’d seen the younger Winchester in the hall with his brother before the class they shared.Dean was speaking earnestly to him, and Sam was nodding.Ashamed, Castiel ducked into class, found a seat at the back.He was so early no one else was in the room.But a moment later, Sammy came in.Naturally, he took the seat right next to Cas, sitting sideways and leaning forward to speak with him.“We need to talk,” he said quietly.

“Go ahead,” Castiel offered.“You got into a fight with my brothers, you’ve all got detention now, and you have every right to be angry at me.So say what you want to say.”

“I get it.”

Castiel blinked at Sam in surprise.“Huh?”

“Dude, I get it.We both get it.If Balth got caught with that knife, he might have gone straight to juvie.And if he got busted for bullying me, he’d be in trouble, too.He’s going to be in enough trouble as it is, with him and Luci both getting detention.You have to live with him.He’s your brother.I get why you protected him, Cas.I would have done the same thing if it was Dean.”He grimaced.“In fact, Dean just made me promise that I’ll tell him if anyone ever hurts me again.The only thing he’s upset about is that I never told him.”

Castiel blinked again.“You’re not upset?Neither of you is upset?”

“We’re upset, sure we are, but not at you.”Sam was reaching out, squeezing Castiel’s shoulder.“I should have warned you when I had the chance.Balth threatened me, told me if I said anything, he’d take that knife to you and Dean both.That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”

Castiel felt his jaw drop.“What?What?!”

Sam shook his head.“You had no idea.I figured as much.And that’s the other reason I get it.At the time, I was too afraid of what he might do to you to do anything except go along with what he wanted.I love you, Cas.I could take him beating on me to protect you and Dean.I couldn’t see a way out of that mess, but it’s ok.Because now, if anything happens to any of the three of us?It points the finger right at Balth.He can’t touch us now!”Sam scoffed.“If I’d just been smart enough to figure that out earlier, I could have saved everyone a whole lot of trouble!This shit is on me and Balth.I never even thought to be upset with you.Hell, I wouldn’t have even said anything to you if Dean hadn’t talked to me and asked me to make sure you were alright.”

“Dean asked you to talk to me?”Even saying his name was making Castiel’s heart flutter.

“He’s not mad.Why would he be?And we’re both looking forward to Friday.”Sam’s eyes were serious as he looked hard at Castiel.“All I need to know is, what’s going to happen when you guys go home?”

Castiel looked down.Some students had started to walk in.He leaned closer to Sammy so he could whisper to him.“Balth and Luci will be punished, grounded for getting detention.It’s going to be bad for a while.”

“Fuck them, what about you?You are the only one I care about, Cas!Is this going to make things worse for you?”

Castiel shook his head.“I didn’t get into trouble, so no.I’ll just have to finish my punishment from before.”

“You’ll still be locked in your room, you mean.”Sammy’s face twisted in anger.“That’s bullshit, Cas.Listen, you don’t have to stay there and let your father lock you up, alright?You can come home with us!”

Castiel quickly shook his head again.“Sam, if I run away, it’ll only be worse.”

“I can’t just sit back and let your father lock you up!” Sam hissed.“There’s this lady, Grice, from Family Services?She comes by every so often to check on me.I have her number.If I call her…”

“If you call her, she’ll take me away and we’ll never see each other again.Is that really want you want?”

Sam’s shoulder’s slumped.

Castiel sighed.“Sam, this isn’t something that can be changed.I know you’re upset, but I won’t be locked in again unless I break the rules.I broke curfew too many times and got grounded.Now just let me serve out my punishment.Then he’ll let me out, alright?”

“For how long?”

Castiel shifted.“Well, until I screw up and get grounded again.”

“So every time you’re grounded now, you’ll be locked in your room like an animal in a cage?”

Castiel shifted again.“That’s a bit dramatic, but essentially, yes.”

“So now your brothers will be locked in, too.”Sammy’s expression was troubled now.“I can’t even wish that on Balth, not even after what he did.It’s just wrong, Cas.”

“What he did to you was wrong, Sammy,” Castiel insisted.“Balthazar should be punished for hurting you.”

They couldn’t say anymore.The last of the stragglers had wandered into the classroom and Spitzler was up front, ready to begin.But Castiel couldn’t focus on the lesson.His thoughts churned like an angry whirlpool, threatening to drag him into an abyss.Balthazar had been the one beating Sammy.Castiel had realized that when he’d been asked if he’d known.In that one moment, he’d been forced to make a choice.He’d chosen what he’d believed, at the time, to be the right thing.But had he been wrong?He’d chosen his brother because he’d known that the worse his punishment at school, the worse it would be for Balthazar when he got home.He’d done it to try to spare his brother.Now he couldn’t help but wonder if his loyalty had been misplaced.Bad enough his brother had been beating his best friend all this time.The memories of the bruises he’d seen on Sam’s body made him clench his fists until his nails dug into his palms.But to learn the rest?Balthazar had threatened Sammy.Sammy had believed that Balthazar would hurt him and Dean.Sammy had let this happen, had allowed himself to be beaten, partially to protect Castiel?No.Castiel couldn’t, wouldn’t bear that.And worst of all, he knew that Sammy was wrong.While they were sober, Balthazar and Lucifer would remember the danger they would be in if they went after the Winchesters.But they were sober less and less frequently.Now that Castiel knew for sure his brothers were into drugs, he’d seen the signs.His brothers were dealing, and using, far more than they’d ever been.And one day, their anger would get the best of them.Then they’d go after the Winchesters.Dean, he knew, could probably hold his own, even against Lucifer.But Balthazar would hurt Sammy again.

No.That couldn’t happen.

Somehow, Castiel made it through the rest of the day.He made sure to catch Dean’s eye in the hall and smile at him.The smile he’d gotten in return strengthened his determination.Nothing, nothing could happen to Dean or his brother.Castiel intended to make sure of that.

***

For once, Castiel was glad to be immediately locked into his room when he’d arrived home from school.The awful sounds of violence from his brothers’ rooms couldn’t be completely drowned out even with his headphones.Zachariah was furious.Castiel wasn’t let out for supper.Juanita brought Castiel’s supper to him on a tray.She’d unlocked his door only long enough to give him the tray before locking him back in.Her face was stern, disapproving.Of course.Juanita and Martin were an elderly married couple from Mexico that had worked for his father since before Castiel was born.They were almost part of the family.While Castiel and his siblings were expected to keep house, Juanita still cooked, served, maintained the kitchen, and kept the house stocked in groceries, and did some light housekeeping.Martin served as driver, gardener, and general handyman.Both were completely loyal to Zachariah.Both had always supported all of his decisions.It was plain that their opinion hadn’t changed by the way Juanita slammed Castiel’s door.Somehow, even the sound of the lock seemed to condemn him.Juanita and Martin didn’t need to know any details.The Novak children had broken the rules and were receiving the punishment they’d earned.They’d never question this, much less stand up to the Novak patriarch.Castiel knew he couldn’t expect them to help him.He was on his own.

He ate.Did his homework.Listened to his music.Got ready for bed.Then he picked up his phone and called Balthazar.

“It’s me,” he said when his brother’s voice answered.“I want you to stay away from the Winchesters.”

“You do not want to push me tonight, little brother!”Balth’s voice sounded more weary than angry.But that could change in an instant.

Castiel didn’t care.“You hurt my best friend.You threatened Dean.And it’s going to stop.”

“Oh really?”Balth almost sounded amused now.“You know, just because you finally figured out you’re supposed to like girls doesn’t make you a real man.You’re still the same little shit you’ve always been.Cross me and you know I’ll make you pay!”

“I won’t cross you, not as long as you leave the Winchesters alone.But if you touch them, Balth?If you ever put your hands on Sam or Dean again?Then everyone is going to remember what Sammy said today.And that’s when I’ll step up and tell them all about you and your knife!”

Balth sucked in his breath.“You’d get in trouble right along with me.You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me!”

“You little bastard!”Balth’s voice was an angry snarl.“I’m your brother!Our mom was going to abandon me so she could keep you.Now you’d seriously turn on me for a couple of fags?!”

Castiel sighed.“This has nothing to do with mom, alright?”

“Sweet little angel Cassie!” Balth spat.“You’ve always been the favorite!Father falls all over himself to help you, doesn’t he?He fights over custody of you, makes plans for you to join him in the business, sets you up with hot rich girlfriends, sends you to special camps…”

“That camp was hell for me!” Castiel exclaimed in spite of himself.

“Yeah, well, getting moved out here is hell for me, so I guess we’re even, aren’t we?”

Castiel regained control with an effort.“Balthazar, I am not having this conversation again.But no, I won’t turn on you.Not unless you go after Sam and Dean.Leave them alone.Let this be over.Just let it end, Balth, and that will be the end of it.I’ll never tell a soul about your knife.Oh, and you’ll be leaving your knife at home, too.You should probably do that anyway.Now that the principal’s aware of it, she’s going to be watching for it.”

“You’ll pay,” Balth warned.“You’ll pay for this, Castiel!”

“I know.And I don’t care.Beat the hell out of me, Balthazar.Do your worst.I’ll keep your secret.Unless you hurt my friends again.”

Balth was saying something else, but Castiel hung up.Almost immediately, his phone rang again.Castiel didn’t answer.He listened as his machine picked up, but Balth hung up without leaving a message.Good.

Castiel set his alarm and climbed into bed.So much for Monday.Now all he had to do was get through tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday.Then Friday would come.His father would finally let him out.Castiel could go to the game, see his friends.See Dean.

Dean.Would Dean pull him aside again?Touch him some more?Let Castiel touch him?Castiel thought maybe he would.

***

The days rolled by.Balthazar kept his promise, leaving Castiel with a black eye Jaunita helped cover with make-up.Easy enough to hide.The beating from his brother was the least of Castiel’s concerns.Sammy seemed to have come back to his old self again.He was smiling, laughing, and, unfortunately, flirting.He was openly dating Hannah now, which drew dark looks from the older Novak brothers even as Hannah seemed ready to burst with happiness.But best of all, he was eating.Sam was consuming his entire meal every day at lunch.It was clear that Dean noticed it, too.He sat with Castiel and Sam at their crowded, noisy table, eating and smiling as he watched his brother do the same.And beneath the table, hidden by their bodies, Dean would reach over, take Castiel’s hand, and give it a gentle squeeze.

Dean wasn’t willing to wait until Friday.Wednesday he pulled Castiel into the equipment room once again.Hot kisses.Hands touching, gripping.Not enough.Never enough.Dean’s lips on his throat were enough to drive Castiel insane.But Dean was so careful.So patient.He paid attention, reading Castiel’s body language.And the moment he saw Castiel start to stiffen as his stomach churned, he backed off.Dean would hold Castiel, just hold him, usually rocking gently from side to side, until Castiel recovered.Only then would he start again.

Dean.Dean and Dean and Dean, filling his senses until there was nothing else in the world but the two of them.Dean was so strong.He held Castiel as though he were afraid Castiel might try to bolt at any minute, but every touch was soft.No matter how rough Castiel got, Dean could take it.Castiel was rough.He couldn’t help himself.Now that he’d given himself permission to want Dean, to put his hands on this beautiful boy?He simply couldn’t get enough.It didn’t seem fair, somehow.Dean was so gentle with him, while Castiel roughly took what he wanted.But it was what they both needed.Secret kisses.Shared embraces.Castiel felt treasured, valued.Dean probably felt half beaten up.But he was smiling.Encouraging Castiel with his hands and his kisses and the sounds he was making.

It was an effort to let go of each other.Privately Castiel wondered how the whole school couldn’t tell just by looking at him what he’d been doing.He couldn’t remember ever feeling happier, more at peace with himself.

Then, at the very end of the school day, he saw his sister in the hall, embracing Sam.That was fine.What wasn’t fine was that while Hannah was leaning against her boyfriend, smiling with her eyes closed and her head resting on his shoulder, Sammy’s attention was elsewhere.Another girl was standing a few feet behind Hannah, flirting with Sam.And Sam was flirting back, right over his sister’s shoulder. 

Immediately, Castiel’s good feelings were gone.He waited until Sammy had kissed Hannah and they’d gone their separate ways.Then he grabbed hold of Sam’s arm and pulled him aside.Sam went willingly, smiling at his friend.“What’s up, Cas?”

“I want you to break up with Hannah.”

Sam blinked in surprise.“Huh?”

“You said you’d do it if I asked?I’m asking.”

Sam was frowning now.But he nodded.“Alright.Whatever you want, Cas.But I thought you were alright with us?Can I ask what changed your mind?”

“You’re treating these girls like this is a game for you!” Castiel accused.“You’re telling them what they want to hear so they give you what you want, and then you’re moving on to the next.It’s not right!You’re toying with their emotions.This isn’t a game, alright?My sister isn’t another conquest!Break up with her, and stop this!”

“What the hell are you trying to say?!”

“I’m saying you need to stop sleeping around!”

Sam’s face went blank.“You calling me a slut, Cas?”

“No, Sam, I’m calling you someone who is hollowed out inside and is doing anything he can to try to feel whole again.You need something to complete you, but this isn’t it!Break up with Hannah.I don’t care if you flirt, that’s you.But stop sleeping with every girl who looks your way.These girls deserve better.My sister deserves better.You deserve better, too!”

Sam flinched.Castiel took his shoulders, looking his friend in the eye.“Sam, this life you’re leading, all this empty sex with girl after girl?Can you look at me and tell me you actually want this?”

“I like sex, ok, Cas?”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

Sam looked down.“No.”

“My sister thinks you love her, Sam.Have you already cheated on Hannah?”

A nod.

Castiel set himself.“More than once?”

Sam nodded again, refusing to meet Castiel’s eyes.“I’ll break up with her.”

“Do more than that,” Castiel urged.“Have some self respect, Sam!I’ve never slept with anyone, so take this for what it’s worth.But it seems to me that, even if you don’t wait for marriage?Sex is something special that should be shared between two people who genuinely feel something for each other.And that’s why it’s not working for you,” he continued, seeing something dawn in Sam’s eyes.“You’re looking for something to fill you up inside.You’re going after sex because that’s what you understand and can control.But it’s not helping you, Sam.It’s taking that emptiness inside of you and it’s making it worse!”

Sam was still and quiet.His eyes flickered, following the flow of his thoughts.Castiel knew that what he’d said to his friend was making sense.Finally, Sammy’s eyes met his.“I really do like your sister.”

“Sam, you cheated on her!”

“It didn’t mean anything,” Sam protested weakly.“It never does.”

“And that’s why you need to stop,” Castiel declared, letting go of his friend.

Sam looked up and managed a small smile.“Not everyone can find what you and Dean have.Yeah, Cas, I know, but it’s only because I know Dean.I’ve never seen him so crazy about anyone as he is about you.And I’m glad. You two, you deserve each other.But me?”He shook his head.“I don’t have anyone except for you and Dean.I’ve got lots of friends, but none of them really care about me, not like you two.And there isn’t anyone who wants me the way Dean wants you.”

“You’ll find someone,” Castiel promised.“You will.But if you keep acting like this, jumping from girl to girl?How will she ever have a chance?”

That hit home.Sammy reached out an arm and slung it around Castiel’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug and letting his head rest on Castiel’s shoulder.“I’m sorry.My god, I don’t deserve you.I’ve been acting like such an asshole!I’m so sorry I hurt Hannah.I’m sorry I hurt all of those girls.And honesty?I don’t know why I’m doing it.I guess I’m just lonely.”

“Find someone who deserves you,” Castiel urged.“You’re better than this.”

“I’m sorry.You’re right.I’ll talk to your sister and break up with her, and then I’ll stop sleeping around.I promise, ok?I love you, brother.”

Castiel tightened his grip around his friend.“I love you, too.”

***

Hannah handled the break-up badly.In hindsight, Castiel wished he’d asked Sam to wait to break up with his sister until Friday, when Castiel wouldn’t still be locked in his room.As it was, all he could do was listen to his sister sob into his ear over the phone.“Why?” she wailed.“I loved him!”

“He’s a high school guy,” Castiel reminded, feeling guilty.“He’s still a kid, Hannah.He’s not ready for a long-term commitment.But I know it hurts.”

It didn’t help, of course.There was nothing Castiel could do to help.

Thursday at school, there was a commotion in the hall.To Castiel’s dismay, Hannah had attacked Sammy, scratching at his face before a couple of girls dragged her off.Not good.For the first time in her life, Hannah Novak got detention.Castiel feared the worst.He went to his father, explained that Hannah’s boyfriend had broken up with her.She hadn’t handled it well.She’d seen him talking to another girl in the hall and had become upset.And to his relief, his father understood.Zachariah already knew about the break-up from Hannah’s behavior the night before.Now he was acting like a supporting father.He was even comforting his sobbing daughter, assuring her that she’d find someone much better who deserved her.It was good that the little punk had shown his true colors before things got too serious.Hannah was better off without him.Zach would find her a good Christian boy from a good family, and to hell with the trash here in Lawrence.All this at the dinner table, just before he locked his three sons into their rooms.And he never knew the name of Hannah’s mysterious boyfriend.Castiel breathed a sigh of relief.He hated seeing his sister hurt.But the alternative could have been so much worse.Despite Hannah’s broken heart, Castiel felt as though he’d just dodged a bullet.

***

Dean’s team lost the game by an embarrassing amount.But Dean seemed to be the only one on the team who didn’t care.Castiel spent most of the dance afterwards hidden away in one place or another with him.With the exception of one slow dance he’d reserved for Charlie, he’d danced every other with Dean.They danced, hidden in the darkness of an alcove or storage closet of some sort, to music they could barely hear through the walls.And it was perfect.He loved the way Dean held him as they danced.With a girl, Castiel would hold her around her waist while she put her arms around his neck and leaned into him.But Dean had his own way to dance with him.One arm went around Castiel’s shoulders, the other around his waist.Castiel copied the move and found it very much to his liking.

The best part was that it was taking more before he felt his stomach wanting to heave.Now he could kiss Dean, a quick peck on the lips.

“You’re getting better,” Dean told him.

I’m getting worse, Castiel thought.Then he immediately dismissed the thought.No.What he had with Dean was just too good to be as wrong as his father and Dr. Crowley insisted it was.No one else in Castiel’s life had ever been so gentle.So loving.Cherished him as much as Dean Winchester.No.There was no sin in this.And the more he came to realize that, the more the guilt eased.

“I love you,” Dean was whispering into his ear.“I love you so much, Cas.There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Castiel held Dean a little closer.Dean never seemed to expect him to say anything in return when he made these little confessions.But more and more, Castiel found himself wanting to say those three words that would mean the end of his life as he’d lived it.To tell Dean he loved him would be to commit himself.Once he did that, he knew, he could never go back.

More and more, Castiel wondered why that mattered.


	28. The Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a group of four familiar girls go into Sam's store, it spells trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings, non-consensual bondage, aftermath of attack

It was late when the four girls came into the store, and it annoyed Sam.They’d been standing around in the parking lot near the door smoking before they came in.The stench of cigarettes wafted in with them.No doubt they’d thrown their butts all over the parking lot for him to clean up.“We close in 10, ladies,” he warned.“Might want to try again tomorrow?”

They didn’t get the hint.Of course not.That wasn’t the kind of day Sam had been having.Now that his social life had been all but non-existent for weeks, Sam had picked up extra hours at the store or the motel.Today, the store had been busy all day.After the customers were gone, Sam was still busy cleaning, restocking shelves, taking inventory and balancing the books.The last part he’d taken extra time with.But no matter how much he crunched the numbers, they still weren’t adding up.There was no doubt about it.Somehow, they were missing money.With everything else that was going on now, the idea that one of their employees would steal from them made him sick.Sam would have to somehow find a way to fit in extra hours at the motel in order to replace the money until he and Dean figured out who the thief was.Through it all, he’d missed his chance to eat.Now all he wanted to do was eat his sandwich and close the store so he could go home and wait for Dean to finish his own shift.Then they could finally have the late dinner that was becoming more and more common for them.

But these girls were apparently going to make that difficult.They were back among the shelves now, giggling and looking back at him.Sam frowned in annoyance.He quickly finished his sandwich, his eyes on the clock.The girls, he knew, wouldn’t be buying anything.They weren’t here to buy.Most likely, they were going to cause trouble.Perfect end to a perfect day.Sam looked at the girls.They looked vaguely familiar, especially the one with long blonde hair.She kept looking back at him.Her smile was anything but friendly.Sam pretended to ignore her while keeping an eye on them on the monitor behind the counter.If they tried to shoplift something, there would be hell to pay.

Finally, the hour turned.“Store is closing, ladies!” he called.He moved to switch off the lights, keeping tabs on the girls.They were still in the same place, still whispering together.Sam frowned.He did not like the way they were gathered, back among the display shelves partially out of his sight.Fine.Irritated, he started back towards them to tell them to leave.

His jacket was behind the counter.His cell phone and keys were in the pockets.It never occurred to him that he might regret that.

***

When Dean came home from his shift at Benny’s dad’s security company, Sammy wasn’t there.Odd.It was after midnight on a school night.When 1 am rolled around, Dean wondered where he was.When no one answered at the store, he started to worry.And when Sam didn’t answer his cell phone either, his worry grew to concern.This was not like Sam.Dean stepped outside and looked hopefully down the street.The air was a bit chilly, but warm for this time of year.Sammy had chosen to walk to work.At the time, Dean had thought nothing of it.But now he had cause to regret not driving his brother to work.He went back inside and called Sammy’s cell phone again.His heart pounded as he listened to it ring.No answer.Dean hung up.He stared at the phone for a moment longer.Then he called Cas.

By the sound of his voice, Cas had been asleep.Thank goodness he had a private line.“Cas, Sammy didn’t come home,” Dean blurted.“He’s not answering his phone and I don’t know where he is.”

“What?”Now Cas sounded considerably more awake.“What do you mean you don’t know where he is?He’s not answering at the store?”

“No, and I’m really worried.It’s 1am!He’s not a big guy, Cas.He looks younger than he is.He was walking home alone late at night.What if something happened to him?”Horrible scenarios were flashing through Dean’s mind.

“Ok, calm down.Let me get dressed, talk to my father, let him know Sammy’s missing.He’ll let me help search.Give me five minutes and come pick me up.We’ll go look for him.”

Great plan.Dean was out and in his baby and waiting impatiently at the curb when Cas jogged up.Just the sight of the other boy was enough to help Dean relax a bit.He’d been afraid Zachariah wouldn’t let him help search for Sammy.They shared a quick kiss as soon as they were out of sight of the house.Then Cas was all business.“Where’s the last place you know he was?”

“The store.”

“Alright, then let’s check there first.”

Of course.Dean felt stupid.If Sam hadn’t come home, then obviously he was still at the store.But when he cruised through the parking area, the lights were off and the “Closed” sign was in the door.There was no sign of Sam.Troubled, Dean drove back, following the path that his brother would have taken to return home.But by the time he and Cas pulled into the Winchester driveway, they still hadn’t seen Sammy.He looked over at Cas.Cas was on Dean’s cell phone, calling Sammy again.But when he met the other boy’s eyes, Cas shook his head.Wherever Sammy was, he still wasn’t answering.

By now, Dean’s heart was pounding.“Where the hell could he be?”

“Alright, um, what about the grocery store?Maybe he went to pick something up?Or maybe he went to the park for a late night jog if he had a bad night?”

“Worth a shot.When I find the little shit, I’m putting a bell on him!”

But Sammy wasn’t at the grocery store.He wasn’t at the park.He wasn’t at the house of anyone Dean could think of.By now, they’d made so many calls and knocked on so many doors that half the town was aware Sammy was missing.Dean was out of ideas.

Cas had gone quiet, his own concern mirroring Dean’s.But now he spoke.“Dean?” Cas called as the sky grew lighter with the approach of dawn.“I think it’s time to call the police.”

Dean didn’t answer.He simply turned and drove to the police station.

The police were very sympathetic.It helped that some of the cops had gotten calls from their families and were aware that Sam was missing.“Samuel, S-A-M-U-E-L, Winchester.He’s sixteen,” Dean recited.“Five foot four, one-hundred ten pounds last I knew.Hazel eyes, brown hair, a little shaggy.Last thing he was wearing was his work uniform, black jeans, a blue tee-shirt with the store logo printed on it.”He felt like he was in a dream.This couldn’t be happening.He couldn’t be here, in the police station, filling out a missing person’s report on his little brother.Not Sammy.Please, God.There had to be a reason.It was a prank, a bad one, and he was going to wring his brother’s scrawny neck, but Sam was alright.Nothing bad could happen to Sam.Dean had already lost his mother.His father was drying out in prison.To lose Sammy now would be too much.

Castiel’s presence was the only thing keeping Dean upright.Cas was right there, keeping a hand on Dean’s arm or shoulder, not leaving him alone for a second.Dean’s gratitude couldn’t be expressed in words, so he settled for squeezing his boyfriend’s hand.Cas seemed to get the message.

“We’re going to do everything we can to find your brother,” the surprisingly-gentle officer was saying.After the mess with his father, Dean had expected all cops to be hardasses.But Officer Jody Mills, was doing a great job of keeping Dean from breaking down completely.“The first thing you need to do, Dean, is stop thinking that Sam’s gone forever.Most missing persons cases are solved within twenty-four hours.Things happen, sometimes they need some help, but we get them home.So I need you to calm down and think clearly, alright?”

Dean nodded.“Alright.What do you need from me?”

“Sam’s last known location.”

“Work,” Dean replied.“He was closing the store tonight.”

“Anyone with him?”

“No, just Sammy.”

“Alright, then we’ll start there.Let me grab Officer Hanscum.Donna?Why don’t we take Dean and Castiel out to the store, see if we can’t get some idea of where little Sammy ran off to?”

“Don’t let him hear you call him that,” Cas warned.

Jody smiled.“At least one of you hasn’t completely lost his sense of humor.Keep your spirits up, boys, and your minds sharp.That’s what Sam needs the most right now.”

Dean made an effort.He was still shocked that Jody had said precisely what was on his mind, but of course, she was right.Getting upset and falling apart wouldn’t help Sammy.His brother needed him.Somewhere, Sam was in trouble, real trouble.Dean was sure of it.He never would have stayed out all night without a word to anyone.Something had happened.They needed to find him, and fast.

A few minutes later, Dean was pulling his baby into the employee parking spot in front of the store.His hands shook as he retrieved his keys.“We’ll find him,” Cas assured him.

“I should have taken him to work,” Dean moaned.“I never should have let him walk home.He’s just a kid, Cas!He can’t fight.What if someone grabbed him?What if someone took him away, and…?”

“We’ll find him.”Cas reached over, took Dean’s hand.“We’ll never stop looking until we do.We will get him back, and if anyone hurt him, we will make them pay.But to do that, we have to stay calm.Think.That’s the only way we can save Sammy.And we will.Right?”

Dean looked down at their clasped hands, then back up at Cas.Those blue eyes looked back at him without flinching.Cas believed what he was saying.Dean nodded.“I know we will.”

“Then go unlock the door, so Jody and Donna can start figuring out where your brother went.”

Dean nodded again.He got out and walked quickly to the door.Donna and Jody were already there, frowning as they cupped their hands to block out the light and peered through the windows into the darkened showroom.“Dean, we need you to unlock the door, and then step away,” Jody ordered.

“Why?”

“Because it looks like signs of a struggle.”Jody’s voice was calm, soothing despite the words that drove icy daggers of terror into Dean’s heart.“Whatever is in there, we need to try to preserve the evidence, alright?Now unlock the door, and you and Castiel step back.”

Cas was already stepping slightly in front of Dean, making eye contact with his boyfriend.“Dean?Unlock the door, and then step back and let the ladies do their jobs.”

Dean felt cold.He squinted, trying to see through the glass into the show room.He saw little besides his own reflection.It took him three tries to get the key into the lock.But when he turned it, nothing happened.“It’s already unlocked?”

Donna had his arm with one hand.Her other hand rested on her weapon.“Stand back, Dean.Let us do our job.Castiel?Can you help us, please?”

Cas took Dean’s elbows from behind, pulling him back.Dean couldn’t get enough air.He fought to breathe as the two officers opened the door and went inside.He saw Jody’s flashlight come on, saw it flash over the ruins of a fallen display shelf.And then the light stopped on the still figure lying beneath the shelf.

Everything froze.The universe narrowed to the sight of his brother’s body lying on the floor, to the dark stains on one arm.Sammy was there, he was lying in a pool of blood, he’d been murdered, and Dean was screaming as he twisted free and shoved his way past the two startled officers.“Sammy!Sammy!No, Sammy, please!”

The overhead lights flicked on.It wasn’t a pool of blood.It was only the dark floor tiles.But that was unmistakably blood on his brother’s arm.A smear of blood was on Sammy’s cheek as he looked up.He looked up, exhausted, bloodshot eyes blinking up at Dean.Alive.He was alive.But he was trapped, caught beneath the display shelf.

Dean pushed the shelf with all his might.Somehow, it had gotten twisted sideways so that when it had fallen, the bottom of it had become wedged beneath the second row of the other shelf while the top was caught on the wall display.Dean heaved, adrenaline flooding his body.The metal creaked as it rose.Sammy cried out in pain.Somehow, Sammy was rising, being lifted up with the shelf.

“Stop!Dean, stop, he’s caught!”

Dean blinked, seeing Cas moving up next to him.“Here, we need to do this smart.You and I will lift this edge.Then Jody and Donna can go under and cut him loose.”

“Cut him loose?”Dean looked down and finally saw the tent cord that fastened his brother’s bleeding, discolored left hand to the shelf.The cord was cutting cruelly into Sammy’s wrist, causing a trickle of fresh blood to drip down his arm.Sammy still hadn’t said a word.He was looking up at Dean as if he couldn’t quite believe he was there.But he was alive.

“Here, Dean, put your hands here, and push straight up,” Cas instructed, moving into position.“Ready?Alright, lift!”

Once again, Sammy cried out in pain.

“Easy, son, we’ll have you loose in a jiffy,” Donna soothed, ducking under the shelf.She accepted a knife from Jody and quickly sawed through the cord.And suddenly, Sam was free.Donna and Jody quickly pulled him out from under the shelf, and Dean and Cas let it go with a crash.

In an instant, Dean was at his brother’s side.“Sammy!” he called, pulling his brother into his arms.“Are you alright?What happened?Were you attacked?Who was it?I’ll fucking kill them!"

“Dean!”Jody’s tone was sharp, but her hands were gentle as she carefully unwound the last of the cord around Sam’s wrist.“We need to get him to a hospital.This could become infected.Looks like his other wrist is even worse, and there could be other injuries.”

Other injuries?Dean looked down at his brother.The normally energetic, smiling Sammy he knew was gone.His eyes looked shattered, his expression haunted.A thousand horrible scenarios were going through Dean’s mind.But Jody was right.First, Sammy needed to see a doctor.“Cas, you drive.I’ll ride with him in the back.”

“Of course.”

“We’ll give you boys an escort,” Donna announced.“Just follow us.”

“Let me go,” Sammy whispered.

Dean shook his head.“Sammy, come on, I gotta get you to the hospital!”

“Let me go,” Sammy insisted, his voice a little stronger as he pushed at his brother’s arms.“I’ve been trapped here all night, Dean!I have to pee!”

Dean blinked.Then he started laughing.He helped his brother back to the employee bathroom behind the counter and was still laughing when Sam pushed him away, stumbling into the bathroom on his own.Even to his own ears, Dean sounded somewhat hysterical.The whining sob that caught in his throat startled him somewhat.

Then Jody was there, holding out a collection of kleenex.Dean took them, rubbed at his streaming eyes and blew his nose.He nodded his thanks.By the time Sam emerged from the bathroom, Dean was back in control.“Come on,” he called, putting his arm around his brother.“Let’s get you to the hospital.”

Sam only nodded.He leaned heavily on Dean, letting the older brother hurry him out to the car.

“I’ll call this in on the road, get crime scene down here,” Jody said.

Donna’s eyes were on the security cameras.“Where’s the tape for the cameras?”

“In back.”

“Ok, we’ll grab it later.Jody, I’ll stay here, secure the scene.”

“Then I’ll go with them.Come on, boys.Let’s get Sam to the hospital.”

Dean hurried to get his brother into the car, climbing into the back seat so he could keep holding Sam.It didn’t seem possible for Dean to take his hands off of his brother now.Cas seemed to understand.He drove, keeping with the police cruiser, his eyes frequently flickering back in the rearview mirror at the two brothers.

Dean held his brother tight to his chest.Sam’s face was damp and reddened, as though he’d been scrubbing at it.The dampness spread up into his hairline, down his neck into the collar of his shirt.Looking close, Dean could see red marks on his brother’s neck.He frowned.If he didn’t know any better, he’d think they were love bites.But the way his brother was acting, it almost looked as though Sam had tried, in the bathroom, to wash the marks away.Even now, Sam kept rubbing at his mouth with his arm.His eyes seemed miles away.A terrible thought entered Dean’s mind.“Sammy?” he asked quietly.“Did someone hurt you?”

No answer.Then, Sam gave a slight nod.

“Did...”Dean swallowed hard.“Did they rape you?”

To his immense relief, the answer was a head shake.No.Dean kissed the side of his brother’s head.For a moment, he’d been sure that Sammy had just been gang raped.But that shattered look in his brother’s eyes wouldn’t go away.


	29. Candid Camera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel watch the security footage of Sammy's attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for aftermath serious non-con, no rape

“Alright, boys,” Jody began as Dean and Cas sat down in the viewing room.“Donna and I already watched this.It’s not nearly as bad as it could have been, but it’s still hard to watch.I don’t blame Sam for saying no.”

Dean didn’t, either.The police had fingerprinted all three of them, as well as the other employees.The idea was that they could eliminate their fingerprints, leaving just those of the suspects.Sam had been fine for that.He’d been fine telling his story to the police, although he refused to let Dean or Cas come in with him.But when the subject of watching the tape came up, Sammy had started to shake.Dean had taken him home and returned.

“We’ll be fine,” Cas assured.Once again, he was holding Dean’s hand, and Dean was clinging to it like a lifeline.How he’d managed to convince Zach to let him spend so much time helping with Sam was beyond Dean.“If we watch, we might recognize someone.”

“God help them if we do,” Dean growled.

“Ok, I need to stop you right there,” Jody warned.“You cannot go gunning for anyone, Dean.If you do, you’re going to ruin the case against them!Do you hear me, young man?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean grumbled.

Jody’s expression softened.“How is he?”

“His wrists are torn up pretty bad, especially his right,” Cas reported when Dean couldn’t find the words.“That was the one he managed to get untied.The doctors said he should have had stitches, but the wounds were all scabbed over when we got to him.It’s going to scar for sure.They cleaned them up at the hospital, gave him a tetanus shot and some antibiotics.He’s got some bruises on his back, up on his shoulder blades.Some red marks on his neck and under his chin.He’d been bitten.Intentionally marked up.They think most of them will just fade, but a couple might bruise.There’s also some little cuts inside his mouth.From his teeth.”Cas glanced at Dean.“Dean’s been helping him keep his wrists clean and bandaged.Making sure he takes his medicine and eats and stuff.I’ve been helping as much as I can.He’s recovering.But he still won’t really talk.”

“Sammy never talks when something is upsetting him,” Dean complained.“But now he’s worse!He hasn’t been this bad since mom died.He just sits there, looking all small and quiet.Answers with one word, if at all.He’s gone way down inside.And he won’t eat.For a couple of weeks since the fight with Cas’s brothers, he was doing so well.But now he’s going to lose weight again, after he just started putting it back on, because he won’t eat!”

“It’s going to take time,” Jody soothed.“It’s good that he has the two of you looking out for him.And Castiel?It’s good that you’re looking out for both of them.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without him,” Dean whispered, tightening his grip on Cas’s hand.Cas smiled at him.

Jody smiled.“I know you two are trying to keep things quiet,” she began.“I’m aware that this town, and especially your dad, Castiel, aren’t really receptive to certain things.But for what it’s worth?I’m glad you two found each other.”

Dean startled.All this time, he’d reached for Castiel without a thought of what might get back to Zachariah Novak.But Cas was shaking his head.“It’s ok.I’m not afraid.Father knows what happened and he’s ok with me helping you.You need me now.I’m here.”

Dean squeezed his hand tightly.It was all he dared to do.

Meanwhile, Jody was busy.She’d moved to the TV and was loading up the security video.“The cameras in your store caught pretty much everything,” she explained.“Like I said, it’s not easy to watch.If at any time you need me to stop or you have to leave the room, it’s alright.And if you recognize anyone, say the word.I’ll pause the video and we’ll confirm.”

Dean tore his eyes away from Cas and nodded.“Understood.”

Jody started the tape.“We’ll start with the shot of the counter and the front entrance of the store.”

The recording began with four girls coming into the shop.None of them seemed capable of walking straight.Dean straightened.“I’ve seen that one before,” he called.Jody immediately paused the video and Dean pointed.“The one in the front?She’s a cheerleader for Perdition High School.She’s the mascot, the Demoness!But I don’t know what her name is.”

“Lilith,” Cas said quietly. “Lilith Morningstar.The other three are her friends, Meg, Ruby, and Abaddon.”

Of course Cas would know who the Demoness was.He’d dated her.It still hurt Dean to remember how she’d kissed Cas at the game.“Doesn’t make sense, though,” Dean said.“Perdition is a way out!What are they doing out here?And why go into our store?None of them really seem like the outdoor types.”

Jody was scribbling frantically.Now she checked her notes.“You said that the stolen items were mostly small things, like windproof lighters and flashlights?That would go along with someone unfamiliar with outdoors equipment.It explains why they walked past the expensive new tents and stoves and only picked up items they could understand the purpose of.”

“What’s wrong with them?” Cas asked.He had his head cocked quizzically to the side, frowning at the screen.“They’re high?”

“Looks like it,” Dean agreed.“Looks like they’re all stoned on something.”

“Well, now we at least have some idea who we’re looking for,” Jody said.“Castiel, can you identify all of them?”

Cas nodded and pointed at the screen.“That’s Meg Masters, Abaddon Sands, and Ruby Scarlet.”

“Alright, then we’ll follow up with Perdition when we’re finished here.I’m going to start the recording again, this time from the camera back over the shelves.Ready?”

Dean nodded.“I want to see what they did to my brother.”Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s hand for a moment, and Dean gave him a grateful smile.

The recording started.Dean watched as the four intoxicated girls moved back among the shelves.They were looking over their shoulders, seeming to be listening or talking to Sam.But right away, their behavior was suspicious.Dean frowned, seeing them gather together in a tight group, seeming to have a conversation.“It’s ten minutes before closing,” Dean noted, glancing at the timestamp.“That’s probably what Sammy was telling them.”

Jody nodded.

The clock ticked by.Dean saw one of the girls pick up something off the shelf.“That looks like a pack of tent cord,” he noted.“Is that what they used to tie him to the display shelf?”

Once more, Jody nodded.“That it is.I’ll fast forward a little here, because they hover until closing time.”

The recording scrolled forward and resumed normal speed.Now most of the lights went out as Sam obviously tried to encourage the girls to leave.But when they didn’t move, Sam himself came walking back.He looked irritated.His mouth was moving, and he was gesturing towards the front of the store.

Even though he knew it was coming, Dean still jumped when the girls lunged forward and seized his brother.Sammy immediately struggled, almost succeeded in twisting free.But someone got an arm around him.All four girls were the same size or larger than Sam.Dean gritted his teeth as he saw his brother dragged down, winced when Sammy was shoved to the floor against the base of the display shelf.Dean could only watch as they pinned his struggling brother, holding his left arm, and then his right against the shelf so one of the girls could tie it in place.Now both of his wrists were tied to the second lowest row on the wire stainless steel display shelf, arms spread out with his body lying on the floor on his back and the four laughing girls gathered around him.

Sammy wasn’t giving up.Even on the black-and-white recording, Dean could tell that Sam’s face was flushed in anger.The shelf rocked as he struggled, causing objects to fall.His mouth moved, yelling at his tormentors.On the tape, Dean saw his mouth form the word “stop” over and over as Sam kicked and fought.But the girls wouldn’t leave him alone.

Sam didn’t stand a chance.They climbed onto and around him, stroking his hair, face and chest, ignoring his struggles.All four were laughing as though it were the most amusing of pranks.They didn’t notice or didn’t care how much their victim was fighting to get free.When the first one kissed Sammy, he furiously shook his head.When the next one kissed him, he tried to turn his face away, but in doing so, he was facing another, who immediately took advantage and kissed him.Sam quickly turned his face away, but the four were surrounding him.They crowded him against the base of the shelf, licking his cheek, mouthing his neck, kissing him over and over.Dean saw his brother try to bite one of them and winced as a hand caught Sam by the throat, forcing his head back for a moment.He snarled.“Who was that?!”

“Can’t really tell,” Jody replied.She rewound the recording and paused it, but the girls were grouped too closely together.She shook her head.“No way to tell who it was, Dean.I’m sorry.”

Dean nodded.“Let it play.”

On the recording, Sam went still and the hand dropped from his throat.Now he looked more frightened than angry.He was still struggling, trying to turn his face away.But he no longer tried to bite.His movements seemed sluggish.Meanwhile, the girls became more aggressive.The fabric of his shirt strained where they used it to hold him.Sam was wincing when they would pull his hair or latch onto his neck.So that’s where the marks came from.Dean fought to steady his breathing and keep from sending a fist through the monitor.

“They’re all over him,” he heard Cas mumble.

“Yeah,” Dean said bitterly.“They’ve got him completely trapped and they know it.He’s got nowhere to go.”

“This goes on for a while,” Jody warned.“We can fast forward?”

“No,” Dean growled.“I want to see what they did to him.”

It went on and on.Over and over, the four laughing girls kissed and petted and licked at him as Sammy’s struggles gradually lessened.Dean caught a momentary glimpse of his brother’s face and felt sick.All of the anger he’d shown earlier was gone.His eyes were wide, almost glazed.His lips moved, pleading, very clearly forming the words “please” and “stop.”But the girls paid no attention.Finally, Sammy grew still.

“At this point, it seems they lost interest, most of them,” Jody explained, pausing the recording.“These three move off, but this one?She stays with Sam.”She cleared her throat.“All we really needed is for you or Castiel to identify this girl, Dean.You don’t have to watch all of it.”

“Sammy is a mess, Jody!” Dean snapped.“He’s barely said two words since we found him yesterday.He just picks at his food.He stays in his room, curled up in his bed, sleeping pretty much all the time.I changed the dressings on his wrists this morning, saw how deeply those cords cut.Now that I see how hard he struggled, I understand a bit of why.He was twisting his hands to try to get free.The cords were literally sawing into his wrists!That’s how hard he struggled.He didn’t want me in the room when he talked to you guys.He didn’t want to be here to see this tape.So this is all I have left to let me know what happened to my brother.I want to see it, Jody!I want to know what they did to him!”

“Alright, Dean,” Jody agreed, raising her hands.“I’ll start it up again.”

Dean watched, narrowing his eyes.Three of the girls moved away from Sam, but the fourth stayed.“Lilith,” he growled.“What the hell is she doing?”

“Looks like the other three are helping themselves to the shelves,” Cas noted.“But she stayed with Sam?”

“She did,” Jody confirmed.“For seven minutes, from the time the other three move off until all four leave the store, she’s alone with him.It doesn’t look like she stole anything at all.It seems, at least for her, that your brother was the target here.”

Dean couldn’t respond.With the other three gone, Sammy’s face was easy to see.The expression was all too familiar.He looked hopeless, resigned.His eyes seemed distant.He didn’t react when Lilith continued to kiss him.But when she started rubbing her hands over his chest and body, Sam turned his face away.She responded by grabbing his hair, turning his face back to her for another kiss.Sam bore it passively.He didn’t try to turn his head away again until she slid up high on his thighs.Then she began to grind her hips down.

Dean fought to keep from throwing up.Sammy once again turned his face away, and once again, she dragged him back by his hair.That was the last of Sam’s resistance.He seemed to go limp, not responding as Lilith kept grinding on him.Her hands rubbed over his chest and abdomen, fingers hooking in Sam’s belt as she moved on top of him.She kissed and nibbled at his face and neck, occasionally leaning forward as though whispering in his ear.

“How long were they after him?” Cas asked quietly, watching as Lilith finally got off of Sam and exited the store with the other girls.“How long from the time they grabbed him and tied him down until she finally left him alone?”

“Seventeen minutes,” Jody reported.“Ten minutes from the time they grabbed him until he stopped fighting, seven minutes with Morningstar.”

“What about the shelf?” Cas asked.He sounded like he was straining to keep his voice steady.“Did they come back, knock the shelf down on top of him?”

“No,” Jody explained.“Sam did that himself.The girls turned out the last of the lights and flipped the sign over so the store looked like it was closed.He was trapped there in the dark.It’s hard to make out details, but you can still see him a bit from the street lamp outside.”

“Show me,” Dean demanded.

“I’ll move it forward a bit, because for a while he just stays there and recovers.Then he starts trying to free himself.”

Illuminated by the faint light, the recording showed Sammy struggling against the cords that held him to the shelf.He tried and failed to reach them with his teeth, twisted and strained.He seemed oblivious to the damage he was doing.Soon, ominous darkness began to appear on both wrists, running down his arms as he continued to struggle.

“He’s bleeding,” Dean whispered.Cas gripped his hand tightly.

On the recording, Sam had resorted to yanking repeatedly on his right wrist.Miraculously, the tent cord loosened.By the time he was finally able to slip his right hand free, his wrist and arm were covered with blood.But Sam’s body language suddenly seemed relieved.He leaned against the shelf for a moment, resting.

“He’s right-handed,” Dean recalled.“He probably thought that, once he got his right hand loose, he’d be alright.”He shook his head, watching with an aching heart as Sammy picked at his other wrist.Soon, he was struggling once again.“He was still caught,” Dean whispered as Sam slumped in defeat.“Even with one hand free, he just couldn’t get away.”

“That cord was embedded pretty deep in his wrist when we cut him free,” Jody reported.“His hand was swollen and purple.And the knots were just as tight.Either she pulled them that tight when she tied him, or they just tightened up while he was struggling.Either way, he wasn’t getting loose on his own.And that’s probably why he got desperate enough to try what he did.Are there knives or something like that on the other shelf, towards the back?”

“Yeah, there are knives on the wall display,” Dean recalled.“But he couldn’t reach them from there!What did...Oh no.Is he trying to drag the shelf he’s tied to over to the wall display to reach those knives?!Sammy, you idiot!Why didn’t you try to drag the shelf up towards the front?!”

“Panic,” Cas told him.“He couldn’t get loose and he was panicking.After what happened?He was desperate to get free, Dean, and not thinking clearly.That’s why...Yeah.”

Both boys winced, imagining the sound that the recording didn’t capture as the display shelf toppled over and became wedged.Sammy struggled for a bit, trying to climb out or move the shelf.After a moment, he went still.

“He didn’t really move again,” Jody reported, speeding through the rest of the recording.“He was trapped there until we found him yesterday morning.”

“And I drove right past him,” Dean groaned.“I came out there looking for him, Jody!But when I saw that the lights were off and the ‘Closed’ sign was flipped, I thought he wasn’t there.I never went inside!God damn it!He was right there, trapped under that shelf all night.I could have helped him hours ago if I’d only checked and found out the door wasn’t locked!”

Suddenly everything was dark.Cas was on his feet, cradling Dean’s head against his chest.“You couldn’t have known,” he soothed.“I was right there with you, remember?I didn’t think to go and check it, either.How could we have known?All the lights were off.We couldn’t see right away that the shelf fell over when we went out there with Jody and Donna.From the outside, everything looked normal.There’s no way you could have known!”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and held him tight.

Jody cleared her throat.“Castiel, if you’re sure about your identification of those girls?I’m betting it won’t be hard to track them down.And I know you’re upset,” she continued, her voice becoming firm.“But Dean?If you go after these girls, or send anyone else after them?You could seriously jeopardize the case against them.Go home, look after your brother, and let the system work.Do you hear me?”

“I don’t understand,” Cas complained, gently pulling free from Dean and helping him stand.“Why would they do this?They really didn’t steal much.They didn’t even try to take the money from the register!It seems like they were mostly interested in Sam.Why?”

“I don’t know, but that’s a question I’ll be asking,” Jody vowed.


	30. Blind Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sammy goes with Dean and Cas to tell his story to the assistant district attorney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for aftermath and description of non-con, no rape
> 
> MistyEyes picked "The Angel Song" by Great White for this chapter.

“I understand you were able to positively identify the girls that attacked you from the photos?”

Sammy nodded.  “It’s definitely them.  The leader was Lilith Morningstar.  The one who tied me to the shelf was Meg Masters.  And the other two were Ruby Scarlet and Abaddon Sands.  Are you going to arrest them?”

“We’ll get to that soon.Just a few questions,” the ADA began.“Samuel, you said you didn’t know these girls?”

“No,” Sam responded.“I recognized them eventually, I mean, we’re all cheerleaders and our school played their’s.But I didn’t know them.”

Dean was glad to hear Sam talking even this much.He sat close to his brother.Cas, who had elected to skip his classes to be with the Winchesters, was flanking Sam’s other side.Sam had rallied a bit this morning, knowing they’d both be coming here to support him.He’d even joked a bit with Dean.Now his voice was uncharacteristically quiet, but strong.The damage done to the younger Winchester was clear.Physically, Sam’s wrists were still wrapped in bandages.A large cold sore had developed on his mouth.Two of the marks on his neck had turned into small bruises, matching the bruises on his back and shoulders.The rest had thankfully faded.Dean was glad that was the worst of the physical damage they’d done to his brother.The mental damage, he knew, was far deeper.

“Do you have any idea why they’d come so far out and go to your store?” the ADA was saying.

“No,” Sam answered.“They barely stole anything.They just went after me, but I don’t know them.I’d barely spoken two words to them before that day.I don’t understand why they did this.”

“Lilith and I dated a bit,” Cas volunteered.“It ended badly on the same night he made a fool out of her at the game.She was really angry about what he’d done.But that was nearly a month ago!I’d never imagine she’d come for him now.”

The ADA made a note of this.“Samuel, can you give us a brief account of what happened?”

Sam nodded.“They came in the store just before closing.I knew they probably weren’t going to buy anything and I guess I was a bit rude to them...”

“This isn’t your fault, Sammy!” Dean snapped.

“Let him tell it,” the ADA ordered.“Samuel, don’t guess.You’re not expected to know their motives.Just tell me exactly what happened.”

“They just went into the back and hung out,” Sam reported.“When it got to closing time, I turned off most of the lights, but they wouldn’t come out.So I went back to tell them to leave.And that’s when they grabbed me.”

“Who initially grabbed you?”

“I don’t know.There were just suddenly all these hands taking hold of me and trying to pull me down.I freaked a bit, tried to get away, but they wouldn’t let go of me.They dragged me down and pushed me against the display shelf.Three of them held me down while the fourth one tied my hands.”

“Which one tied your hands?”

“That was Meg Masters,” Sam reported.

“Alright.How did she tie your hands?Together?”

Sam shook his head.“No, she tied my left hand to the support column at the end of the display shelf and the other to the column further on.I ended up kind of half-sitting, resting on my lower back with my shoulders on the bottom row and my arms spread out.”

“What did she use to tie you?”

“Tent cord.It was on the shelf, row six.I’d just restocked it.”

Dean reached out and put an arm around him.He saw Cas reach over and take Sammy’s hand, saw Sammy clutch it, and gave Cas a nod.Cas nodded back.

“What happened after they tied you up?”

“They started, like, petting me?Like I was a dog!Then they started licking and kissing me, marking me up.I couldn’t stop them!”

“Did they say anything?”

“They said I was cute, that I had pretty eyes.But mostly it was just stupid shit.Like, I was just a poor little boy, but my mommy couldn’t help me now.I was yelling at them to stop, to get off of me and let me go.They wouldn’t.They kept saying they knew I liked it.But I didn’t like it, ok?I was yelling at them to stop, but they wouldn’t!”

The ADA was scribbling notes, frowning down at his notebook.Now his eyes sought out Sam’s over the top of his glasses.“They wouldn’t stop kissing you, even though you were yelling at them to stop?”

Sam nodded.“I wasn’t just yelling, either.I was kicking and twisting around, trying to turn my face away so they couldn’t kiss me anymore.But they had me.They were just everywhere, all around me.I couldn’t get away from them.I couldn’t make them stop.I tried to bite at first, but they threatened to hurt me.So I was scared to keep trying that.”

“Who threatened to hurt you?”

“I don’t know,” Sam reported.“One of them grabbed me, my neck.Choked me a little, pushed my head back.They said if I tried that again, I’d get hurt.That’s why I was scared to try to bite them again.”

“Who choked you?”

“I don’t know.I guess it was…”

“Don’t guess,” the ADA snapped.“Did you see who it was who choked you?”

Sam seemed to shrink a bit.“No.They pushed my head back when they were choking me.I couldn’t see which one it was.Then when they let me go, they were right back after me, kissing me again.I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one who did anything wrong here, Sam,” Cas called softly before Dean could explode.

“Of course not,” the ADA agreed.“But this is a legal statement, one that will potentially result in criminal charges.It has to be straight facts only.Now go on, Samuel.You said you were trying to get them off of you?”

“Yeah.I tried everything I could think of.I was yelling, trying to get myself untied, trying to kick or buck them off, trying to turn my face away.It’s a miracle I didn’t pull the shelf down on all of us because things kept falling down.I was struggling as hard as I could.But they had me.I couldn’t get my hands free.They were on top of me.They just laughed when I tried to struggle and fight.And they wouldn’t leave me alone.I’d turn my head to get away from one and another would be there.They just wouldn’t stop!”Dean could feel Sam trembling.He took his brother’s hand and Sam clutched it tightly.

“Lilith Morningstar was identified as the worst offender.What about the other girls?Did they do anything besides kiss you?”

“No, but they wouldn’t stop.”

“I understand that,” the ADA said.“But other than kiss you, what did they do?Did they at any time put their hands under your clothing?”

“N-no?”

“Did they remove any of their clothing?”

Sam shook his head.

“I need a verbal statement.Could you answer the question, please?”

Sam sighed.“No, they didn’t take their clothes off.”

“What they did was bad enough, and Lilith Morningstar did a hell of a lot more than just kiss him!” Dean growled.He was starting to get tired of the attitude this guy seemed to have developed.

“Focus on the other three for now.When did they stop?”

“When I stopped struggling.They made fun of me, said I wasn’t any fun anymore.Then they left me alone.”

The man made a note.“They left you alone once you stopped struggling?”When Sam nodded, he said, “I’m going to need you to reply verbally.”

“Yes, they got off of me when I stopped struggling.”

“Until then, they were still kissing you?”

“Yeah, kissing and licking and biting and petting me.They never stopped until then.”

“If they were still after you, then why did you stop struggling?”

“Because I didn’t want to be there!” Sam exclaimed.“They had me, alright?I couldn’t get away, and after they threatened me, I realized that they could actually hurt me.I knew they could do whatever they wanted to me and I couldn’t stop them.So I went out.”

“What do you mean, you went out?”

Dean opened his mouth, but closed it when Cas quietly called his name.

Sam was visibly struggling now.His grip on Dean’s hand was uncomfortably tight.“I…I just didn’t want to be there,” he managed.“I wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere this wasn’t happening to me.So I, I don’t know, I kind of shut down?”

“What do you mean, shut down?”

“Like, I disassociated, I guess is the word.I just kind of went limp and spaced out.”

“So at that point, you were allowing these girls to continue to kiss you.”

“You son of a bitch!” Dean roared.

“Dean, one more outburst like that and you’re out,” the ADA snapped.“Understand, these are the questions the defense will ask him on the stand.If he can’t even answer them now, how can he be expected to stand under cross?”His attention returned to Sam.“Samuel, did you stop fighting, stop telling them to stop, and allow these girls to kiss you?”

Sam shook his head.“I…I didn’t want it!”

“Answer the question, please.”

Sam closed his eyes.“Yeah.Yeah, I let it happen.”

Dean’s nails dug into the palm of his hand.From his chair, Dean could hear Cas’s breathing as he struggled to keep calm.

The ADA scribbled more notes.“Alright, let’s talk about Lilith Morningstar.What did she do to you?”

“When the other three left me alone, she stayed,” Sammy explained quietly.“She was sitting on me, on my thighs with her arms around me.She wouldn’t stop kissing me.Then she started feeling me up.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Sam gestured.“Rubbing her hands over my face and neck and shoulders, down my chest and stomach.”

“Did her hands go below your waistline?”

“No.But she was all over me otherwise.She kept saying, ‘You like this, don’t you, little boy?You want it?Yeah, I know you do.’But I didn’t!”

“I understand.What did she do then?”

“She climbed up on top of me, hooked her fingers in my belt, and started grinding her pelvis against me.”

The ADA looked up from his notes.“Where was she grinding against you?”

“On my upper thighs.”

“Did she remove any of her clothing, or did her hands go under your clothing?”

“She hooked her fingers in my belt, but that’s it.Then she was feeling me up some more, holding me, kissing me.And the whole time she was still grinding on me.”

“Did she hurt you, or threaten you in any way?”

“No.When she started feeling me up, I turned my face away, and she grabbed my hair.She didn’t really hurt me, just forced me to turn my head back and told me to look at her.Same story when she started grinding on me and I looked away again.”

“So she didn’t actually hurt or threaten you.”

“No.She just wouldn’t stop.Her friends had to call for her a few times before she left me alone.”

Dean didn’t care for the way Sam’s eyes flicked away.No one was more experienced at reading his brother than Dean was.Sammy wasn’t telling them everything.

“So let me get this straight,” the ADA said.“All she did was kiss you, touch you over your clothing away from your genitals, and grind her pelvis against your thighs through both of your clothing?”

“Isn’t that enough?” Cas wondered.He looked as upset as Dean felt.

“Samuel, could you answer the question, please?”

“That’s all.”Sam’s voice had gone so quiet it was hard to hear.

The ADA indicated Sam’s bandaged wrists.“How were you injured?”

Sam fingered the bandage.“The tent cords tore into my wrists when I was trying to pull free.”

“So, to clarify, it wasn’t anything the accused did, but your own attempts to free yourself that resulted in your injuries?I know,” he called loudly as all three bristled.“I just need to clarify this for the record.”

“What did you want me to do?!” Sammy asked, finally showing a flash of temper.“They tied me to the shelf!They wouldn’t leave me alone!Was I just supposed to accept it and wait for someone to help me?I had to try to get free!”

“And in doing so, you caused your own injuries.”

Sam sighed.“Yes, I caused my own injuries.”

The man made another note.“Did you want any of this to happen?”

Both Dean and Cas protested at that, but the ADA held up a hand.“Understand, these are the questions that the defense will most certainly ask should this go to trial.So let me ask again.Did you want anything these four girls did to you to happen?”

“No!” Sammy cried.“I just wanted them to stop!I told them to stop, but they wouldn’t!And then Lilith kept touching me and grinding on me, and I just didn’t want to be there anymore.When they finally left me alone I was still tied to the shelf and I couldn’t get free.Iwas struggling and twisting my wrists so much that the cords were cutting into my skin and I still couldn’t get away!I ended up knocking the shelf down on myself and I was trapped there all night.I didn’t want it, alright?No matter what they said, I didn’t want any of it!”

“Did you tell Ms. Morningstar to stop what she was doing to you?”

“I was yelling at all of them to stop!”

“What about when it was just her?Did you tell her to stop when she was rubbing her hands on you and grinding her pelvis against you?”

Dean caught the look on his brother’s face and felt sick.Apparently, Cas did, too.“He was very clear that he did not want what was happening,” Cas insisted.“You could see him on the tape, repeatedly saying the words ‘No’ and ‘Stop.’There’s no question here that this was not consensual!”

The ADA sighed.“Gentlemen, I’m not sure you understand the situation here.Do you know who the Morningstars are?They are wealthy, well-connected, and already have not one, but two lawyers on retainer to defend their daughter.The other girls are not far behind.Any charges I put up are going to be very fiercely debated.Therefore, I need to make sure that I can press charges that will stick.Now Samuel, did you, or did you not, tell Ms. Morningstar to stop what she was doing to you?”

“N-no,” Sam admitted.“By then, I just didn’t want to be there.I went deep inside, you know, someplace they couldn’t touch me?”

“Let me make absolutely certain I understand what you are telling me,” the ADA said.“You didn’t want what Ms. Morningstar was doing to you, but at no time did you tell her to stop?”

“I told all of them to stop!”

“You told them to stop when they were all kissing you.When it was just her, did you tell Ms. Morningstar to stop touching you?”

“No,” Sam admitted.

“Did you tell her to stop grinding her hips on you?”

“No.”To Dean’s alarm, Sam’s eyes were going dull.His shoulders were slumped, and his face was taking on the resigned look he’d seen all too often recently.“I stopped telling them to stop when I realized they weren’t going to listen and I couldn’t get them off of me.And I never told Lilith to stop touching me.But I didn’t want it!I didn’t want any of it!”

“But she was saying that you did.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered.“She kept saying she knew I liked it.”

The ADA shook his head.“I’m sorry, but if you never actually made any objection?Then the defense can claim that, after your initial resistance, you willingly allowed Miss Morningstar to do what she did.”

“Did you not see those tapes?!” Cas snapped as Dean gaped.

“Yes, I’ve seen the tapes, and you’re not even struggling at the end, Samuel,” the ADA pointed out.“By the time Ms. Morningstar was alone with you, you appear to be completely compliant.Ms. Morningstar admitted she was under the influence, but all four girls claim they accepted an unknown substance given to them by a friend that they did not know would have that effect.”

“And you actually bought that?!”Cas sounded incredulous.

“With no evidence of what it was, there’s nothing to charge them with there.But because she admits to being under the influence of an unknown substance with unknown effects?Her lawyer can now claim that, in that state, she wasn’t aware that Samuel did not want her to continue the way she did.”

Dean sputtered.“What the fuck?!”

“Dean!I understand you’re upset, but I will not tolerate that language in my office.”

“What, exactly, are you going to charge these girls with?” Cas asked, struggling to keep calm.

The ADA looked at his notes.“I can charge them with shoplifting, assault for their initial attack on Samuel, and unlawful restraint for tying him to that shelf.Since all four participated in the last, I believe I can make it stick for them all.Morningstar, I can only charge with assault and unlawful restraint, as it doesn’t appear she stole anything.But I’m afraid that, given the details as they were explained to me here?Any sort of sexual assault charges simply won’t hold up in court.I’m sorry.It’s the best I can do.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Cas exclaimed.“Are you saying that they’re going to get away with what they did to Sammy because he shut down under the stress of the attack and stopped fighting?!”

The ADA spread his hands.“I’m sorry.I’m sure what they did was humiliating, but all things considered, it wasn’t that bad.They removed none of his clothing, nor did they expose themselves to him.The kissing was non-consensual, but there’s no law against kissing.And since Ms. Morningstar has a viable defense for her part in this, I’m afraid there’s little point in pressing charges.I’m sorry, gentlemen.I can only prosecute what I believe I can win.”

Dean had quite a bit to say at that point.But before he could say a word, Sammy abruptly stood up and raced out of the room.

Dean and Cas immediately ran after him.Sam burst through the courthouse doors and hit the sidewalk, running through startled pedestrians down the street.He kept going for a few blocks, finally stopping to lean against the side of a building.He was sobbing uncontrollably when Dean and Cas caught up to him.“Sammy!”

“Leave me alone, Dean!” Sam ordered.

“Come on, Sammy, this is bullshit!” Dean said.“We need to go back in there and tell that asshole to...”

“No!”Sam suddenly whirled and lunged at Dean, sobbing and pounding his fists against his brother’s chest.“Don’t you get it, Dean?They’re rich, powerful, connected!Those bitches will go to court and probably not even get any real punishment.They’ll get fined, have to pay us back for what they stole.But it’s not going to matter.It won’t matter, because they never went in there to rob us, not really.It was me!They went in there after me, and now they’re not even going to be punished for it!”

It was the first time he’d seen Sam cry since they found him, and it tore Dean’s heart in two.Dean caught his brother, held him against his chest.“Sammy, listen,” he tried.

Sam struggled.“No!I’m done listening, Dean.It doesn’t matter.Nothing matters.They won, Dean!They beat me!Let me go!”

“Dean?”Cas had come forward, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.“Let him be for now.He needs time.”

Letting go of his brother was one of the hardest things Dean had ever done.Sammy immediately took off running again.Dean could only watch.“What am I going to do?” he asked brokenly.“How can I help my brother?”

“Sometimes, you can’t,” Cas replied.“It’s not fair, Dean.All we can hope for now is that their lawyers are smart, know they can’t win with what’s on that tape, and plead guilty.”

“Most likely for a slap on the wrist?Where the hell is the justice in that?!”

“There isn’t,” Cas told him.“But at least if they plead guilty, Sammy won’t have to face them in court.”

Dean’s fists clenched.“Cas, I can’t just let this stand, ok?I need to do something!”

“I know.But you have to wait until the legal procedures are done,” Cas insisted.“Once it’s done, do what you have to do, but be careful.Remember, these girls are rich and powerful!If you make a move against them, they will crush you.”

“I already have an idea,” Dean growled.“But what about Sammy?”

“I’ll talk to him.”Cas squeezed Dean’s arm.“Let me try, alright?I think you’re too upset right now.”

***

Castiel found Sam exactly where he’d expected to find him.He walked towards the younger man, weaving his way among the headstones until he reached the double marker.Sam didn’t look up.He stayed as he was, seated with his back against the side of the headstone, tracing his fingers over his bandaged right wrist.Cas stepped over and sat down along the side of the grave, facing his friend.

“They hurt,” Sam reported.“Those cords were so tight, and the more I struggled, the tighter they got.Every time I twisted my wrists, they were sawing into me.By the time I stopped fighting, I felt like my wrists were on fire.”

“I’m sure.”

“Then they finally left me alone and I knew I had to get free,” Sam continued, not looking up.“I just kept struggling, and the pain got worse.I knew they were tearing up my skin, but I had to get free, you know?”

“Of course.”

“When I started bleeding, it helped a bit.It made the nylon slip.I could see that the one knot was sliding, so I just kept jerking on it until it finally came loose.I thought I was free then, you know?I thought everything would be ok.That I could go home.I was so stupid.I should have started right then trying to get my left hand loose.But I was so relieved, and just so tired!”

“You needed to rest,” Cas told him.“You’d just been through something terrible.Your body was coming down off of the adrenaline.Of course you were exhausted.”

Sam frowned, looking at his left wrist.“If I’d just gotten completely free, I might have been able to go home.Instead, by the time I tried to untie my other hand, the blood was clotting and it was sticky.It’s my own fault!”

“Sammy, nothing that happened is your fault.”

“You sure?” Sam challenged.“They kept telling me I wanted it, Cas!I never responded to any of it, but that doesn’t matter.You know what I’ve been like, the shit I’ve done.I must have slept with half the girls in this town.I slept with your sister, Castiel!Maybe this is just karma?”

“That is complete and utter bullshit and you know it!”Castiel saw Sam’s eyes widen, but he didn’t care.“Hannah made her choice when she slept with you, Sam.You didn’t tie her down or force her like those girls did with you.She knew the risks just as you did.In fact, if you want to get technical about it?She’s eighteen.You’re only sixteen!”

Sam scoffed.“She most certainly didn’t rape me!”

“No.She chose you, just like all the other girls you’ve been with.But you didn’t choose what was done to you at the store.”Castiel reached out and took his friend’s hand.“What you went through was not normal, not something to just get over, and not something that anyone could be expected to know how to cope with.They tied you up and took away all of your choices.They took away your independence, your ability to fight back, your sense of self.Honestly, what they did is a form of rape.They treated you like a hostage to their own sick whims and power-tripped off it.They threatened you and forced you into helplessness.They molested you.They intentionally scared the shit out of you.None of that is ok!Not one second of it!”

Sam had gone quiet.He leaned his head back against the headstone, reaching around to gently touch the grass growing over the grave.“I miss mom.”

“I know you do.And I know your dad would be here if he could.But I’m here, Sammy, and Dean’s here.”

“I know.”Sam rubbed angrily at his eyes.“Um, can I tell you something?You have to promise me you won’t tell Dean.”

“You know I can’t make that promise,” Castiel warned.“But there’s something on your mind.What is it?”

Sam’s eyes locked onto the ground.“Lilith.She didn’t want to let me go.”

Castiel frowned in confusion.“Yes, I understand that.”

“No, I don’t think you do.”Sam took a deep breath.“When the other three were ready to leave, she didn’t want to leave me behind.She was saying they should take me with them.And then when she finally left me alone, she whispered in my ear.‘I’ll come back for you later, little boy.’That’s why I fought so hard to get free, even though I was hurting myself.I was so scared she was going to come back, and this time they’d take me away and…”Sam shook his head.“I was just scared, ok?I couldn’t stand the thought of them touching me again!And now that they got away with it, what’s to keep them from coming back and going after me again?!”

“Me.”

Sam looked up.Castiel reached over and put his hand on Sammy’s.His eyes were fierce.“I am here to keep them from coming back.”

Sam frowned.“What are you going to do?”

“I am taking you back to that ADA and insisting that he get restraining orders against them,” Castiel explained, pulling his friend to his feet.“If they come near you, they’ll be arrested.And meanwhile, there’s someone I want to speak with.Maybe the law can’t punish them, Sammy.But I think I know someone who can.”


	31. Catfight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel turn to some very angry ladies to get justice for Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes used "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks for this chapter.
> 
> A huge thank you to MistyEyes, Grand Jedi Mistress of Plot Kudzu and Beta Extreme for her help with this fight! I'd forgotten how vicious chick fights were. My god, I'm not a fighter as a guy, I'd be scared shitless to fight as a girl!

Lisa Braeden did not consider herself a violent woman.But she was also not a woman to be trifled with.She stood 5’10, 6’ in heels.She was the tallest girl in school, stood eye level with most of the guys, and took no shit from anyone.In fact, Lisa only considered herself to have two weaknesses: Her sisters, and Sam Winchester.

She still couldn’t really put her finger on what it was about Sam that made her want him so badly.Her development over the summer had complicated her life.Sam had noticed just like every other straight guy in the school.He’d flirted at the pond, but beyond that, Sam had largely ignored her.Why?She was captain of the cheer squad, which meant she had some authority.She was half a foot taller than he was.Did she maybe intimidate him?Maybe.Didn’t matter.She’d yelled at him when he’d broken the heart of a girl she’d been interested in.After that, he hadn’t flirted with her again.They interacted strictly for cheer squad.That was it.

But she wanted him.She liked his smile, the way he laughed.Sam was constant motion.He was a chatterbox.He was open and friendly and bright.No matter who you were or how long he knew you, Sam had a way of making you feel welcome and part of the group.Lisa wasn’t like that.She had a lot of friends, but most people thought of her as being cold to start with.It took time for her to warm up to people.That was probably why she had as many or more enemies as friends.

Did Sam know she’d slept with Dean?She didn’t regret that, but she knew that it had upset Castiel.Cas was a nice boy.She had a distinct feeling that there was something more going on between him and Dean than just one way after he’d run out, but that was none of her business.She liked Dean, but she wasn’t interested in him as anything but a friend.She wanted Sam.And for one of the few times in her life, Lisa Braeden found herself clueless as to how to get what she wanted.

When she’d heard that Sam had been attacked at the store, her first instinct had been to ditch school, drive over and mother him.She’d immediately squashed it.Even if Sam would want to see the captain of his cheer squad after he’d been attacked, what would she say to him?Hey, sorry you got attacked by a bunch of girls, you’re probably embarrassed about that but I’m going to show you now how much I want you so would you go out with me?That was something a weak, pathetic, desperate girl would do.She’d taken pretty much the entire lunch period talking two other girls out of doing exactly that.While a lot of people were saying Sam got what he had coming after the way he’d treated so many girls, and Lisa had plenty to say about that?Half the girls in the school still wanted to run over to the Winchesters’ and mother Sam.No.That wasn’t what Sam needed or wanted.

Besides, knowing Dean the way she did, he’d politely thank any girl that showed up, explain that he and Sam were fine, and shut the door in her needy face.The only one who would be allowed anywhere near Sam now was Castiel Novak, who, sure enough, wasn’t at school the day after Sam was attacked.Cas was a good friend to Sam and everyone knew it.Not even the bitchiest teacher would give him an unexcused absence.

Hopefully, the fact Hannah Novak left school sick that day would be excused, too.Everyone knew she still wasn’t over Sam.No doubt she’d be over there, knocking on the Winchesters’ door.Too bad.Hannah was a nice girl.Lisa liked her.She’d tried talking to her about moving on just the other day, when she’d found poor Hannah sobbing and throwing up in the bathroom, crying about Sam not talking to her now.But Hannah was in love.She wasn’t ready to move on yet.Lisa could relate.She knew exactly how it felt to want someone who didn’t want you.

There was nothing she could do except love Sam from a distance and hope her feelings would eventually fade.

Then Dean Winchester came to talk to her.“It was Lilith Morningstar and three of the Perdition Demonesses,” he’d told Lisa.“They got stoned and came after Sammy at the store.”

Lisa listened to Dean’s story without changing expression.But her blood was boiling.“I see,” she said when he was finished.“You said these bitches are in Perdition?”

“Lisa!”

Lisa looked up to see Charlie.The other girl’s face was as red as her hair.She was fuming as she stomped over to Lisa with Dorothy and Castiel in tow.“I guess Dean already told you what Castiel just told me about the Demonesses?” Charlie asked.

Lisa nodded.“He did.Bunch of fucking bitches!”

“It’s awful,” Dorothy agreed, “but honestly, it’s a relief.The rumor I heard is that Sammy was raped!At least it wasn’t that bad.”

“Wasn’t that bad?!”Charlie turned to her girlfriend in disbelief.“Dorothy, they did everything but, especially Lilith!”

“Oh I agree, it was bad, but all they really did was kiss him, right?I mean, four girls on a guy?It sucks that they humiliated him and hurt his wrists, but it really could have been a lot worse.”

Cas was frowning.“Yes, it could have been a lot worse, but they should not have gotten off so easily from what they did,” he insisted.“The only reason that they did is because Sammy’s a guy!If this had happened to a girl, and it was four guys that did this to her…?”

Dorothy’s face paled.“Yeah.Yeah, it was bad enough.We need to find these bitches.”

“That’s why we’re here, Lisa,” Charlie said.“We’re going on a little trip, and thought you might want to join us.You want to go cruising?”

“You bet I’m going cruising!Trip to Perdition tonight, ladies.”

“Not tonight,” Cas warned.“We have to wait until after their sentencing.”

“Fine,” Charlie growled.“It will give me time to do a little recon, figure out where to find them.”

“Be careful,” Dean warned.“If they were bold enough to do this to Sammy, they could be dangerous.”

Cas nodded.“Lilith is very popular, too.She might have more girls with her than just her three friends.”

“Good,” Lisa sniffed.“Maybe then it will be a fair fight.But I’ll get a couple more girls, just in case her bitch friends decide to be heroes.”

That seemed to appease the boys.Lisa talked to a few other people.In the end, she gathered three more girls.All of them knew and liked Sammy.All of them were ready to get some justice for their friend.Lisa glanced down at her nails.Too bad.She’d just gotten them manicured.Oh well.She couldn’t think of a better reason to ruin her nails than from clawing at the eyes of a certain Demoness.

***

“That’s her,” Charlie reported.“Looks like she’s got a bunch of her friends with her.Probably out celebrating the slap on the wrist they just got from that stupid judge!”

Lisa nodded and found a place to park.The second car with the rest of her girls pulled in next to her.Lisa got out and waved for them to gather around her.“Alright, ladies.Tonight we are going to teach those skags not to touch our men.Charlie, you know the ones who did it?”

Charlie nodded.“It’s those four in front of the movie theater.I don’t know who the other three are.”

“Alright.The other three, we’ll give a chance to walk away.If they want to fight, let’s kick their asses, but it’s those four who are really getting it.And that blonde bitch is mine, alright?”

Nods and voiced agreement.Lisa’s friends were already red-faced and angry, ready for a fight.Good.

Lisa marched over to the Demonesses.Lilith never even looked up until Lisa was right in her personal space.She was sipping from a straw in a can of diet Coke like she’d never done anything wrong in her sweet little life.But she looked up fast when Lisa smacked her hand on the bottom of the can, sending it flying.Pop splashed right into Lilith’s startled face.“What the fuck?!”

“We need to talk,” Lisa announced.“Now.”

“Make it someplace private,” Abaddon growled.“So Lilith can thank you properly for that bullshit you just pulled!”

Lisa gestured grandly.“Lead the way.”

The Lawrence girls followed Lilith and her friends as they marched behind the building, where a set of stone steps led into an alley.Ruby gestured to a couple more girls as they walked.The girls joined in.Lisa didn’t care.

When Lilith finally turned around, Lisa stood her full height.She met the eyes of all four girls as they stared angrily back at her.Then she fixed her attention back on Lilith.“Sam Winchester,” she began.“Did you go out to his store and tie him to the shelf?”

Lilith’s face flushed.She wiped pop away from her face, flinging it back at Lisa.For a moment, Lisa was sure she’d deny it.But then she glanced around at everyone watching, looked again at Lisa, and smirked.“Yeah, I did.”

“Why?”

Lilith’s eyes flickered over Lisa, taking in the other girl’s department store clothing and clearly comparing it to her own designer clothes.She shrugged, giving Lisa a dismissive smile.“Because he’s cute.I was on something at the time.My judgement was impaired, just ask my lawyer.But he is cute.”

“You hurt him,” Lisa told her.“The fact you put your skank hands on him is bad enough, but you also tied him up so tight it tore his poor little wrists up!”

Lilith sniffed.“So what?”

Lisa’s fist knocked the entitled smirk off of her face.“That’s what!”

Lilith’s friends had gone silent in shock.Lilith herself was red-faced and furious as she picked herself up, sputtering up into Lisa’s face.“Oh, you fucking welfare whore!You are going to regret that!”

“I’m right here,” Lisa offered.“You stupid bitch, why would you hurt him?!He didn’t do shit to you!”

Lilith laughed again.“Oh please, take your jealousy back to your row house, would you, honey?He wanted everything I did to him.”

“Whatever you were on, it must have been some good shit,” Lisa told her.“Because Sammy wouldn’t touch your ugly ass with someone else’s dick.You couldn’t even make him hard!”

Lilith flushed at that, but quickly recovered.“Take another look at those tapes.When it was just us, he didn’t even fight.He was into it!He wanted everything I did to him.And now you’re here, trying to start shit because he wanted me and not you?What, did he call my name when you were screwing him or something?”

“He probably did.”Meg was over her shock.Now she was shoulder to shoulder with Lilith, sneering up at Lisa.“I’ll admit, he fought pretty hard at first, but once I had him tied down and he started getting into it?You should have heard him moan!Only reason he didn’t get it up was because no one took their clothes off.He wanted it alright.He wanted it bad!”

Punching Meg in the face was nearly as satisfying as punching Lilith.Then Lilith had Lisa by the hair.Someone’s nails raked Lisa’s shoulder before a blow and a yell sounded behind her.Abaddon charged forward, only to have Charlie slam into her.Dorothy already had Ruby by the hair.

The fight was on in full force now.Lisa knew her side was outnumbered.She couldn’t be bothered to give a shit.She was big, strong, and furious.Her friends had come ready to fight.Lisa knew they’d win this.She beat back another girl and turned her attention back to Lilith.

Lilith was tougher than she looked.She also wasn’t above fighting dirty.One hand seized Lisa’s hair.The other grabbed her breast and twisted.Lisa shrieked and slashed at Lilith’s face.The free manicure she’d gotten from her best friend was a good one.Bloody gashes opened on Lilith’s cheek.Her other hand ripped Lilith’s expensive designer blouse as she threw the blonde to the ground.Meg had Lisa by the hair again.A wad of someone’s forcefully-removed hair drifted into view.Lisa snatched it from the air and shoved it into Meg’s eyes.She followed with a punch to Meg’s face.Charlie came back with a yank on Meg’s own hair, dragging the other girl away before turning once more to face Abaddon.

Lilith was back up and ready for more.Lisa exchanged a few more hits with her.Then once again, Meg was annoyingly back in her face.Lisa decided she didn’t have the time or the patience for this.She kicked viciously at Meg’s ankle.Meg screamed and fell to her knees.Lisa elbowed her hard in the face.Meg went rolling head over heels down the steps.She landed badly and let out a shriek.

By now, the fight was dying down.The Perdition girls were in no way ready to face the wrath of Lisa and her friends and were falling back fast.Several were limping away, disheveled and crying.A couple were still fighting, but the Lawrence girls were vicious.A few hair-pulling, scratching, kicking, punching moments later and it was over.

Lisa dragged a sobbing Lilith to her knees by her hair.She grabbed Lilith’s hand, extended the index finger, and held it in her face.“This the finger you use when you think of Sammy?”

“What?Yes?”

A twist.A sharp snap, and a cry of pain.“Now you can’t!”

“Oh, you bitch!” Lilith howled.“I’ll sue you!I’ll take everything you have!”

Lisa laughed.“Welfare row house, remember?Go ahead.I’ll just come back and burn your dream house down, Barbie!”

“You starting to get it yet?” Charlie asked as Lilith gaped at Lisa.“This is no game, you stupid skank!You really hurt someone, and you don’t even give a shit!”

“But we do,” Lisa finished.“You may be the Demoness, but I am Den Mother of These Mothers.Don’t you ever come near anyone else from Lawrence again.Or we will be back here!And I won’t even care who it actually is.I will come after you.And I will make sure you never walk again!”

Shock filled the faces of the remaining girls.

“Don’t even think about Sammy again,” Lisa ordered.“He’s mine!”

“I won’t,” Lilith whispered.For the first time, she looked genuinely afraid.

“I need some proof for him.”Lisa made a quick movement.Lilith shrieked, and Lisa turned away, satisfied.“Ladies?We’re done here.”

***

Sam was at the store when Lisa Braeden came in.He blinked in surprise, seeing the scratches on her face.But she didn’t say a word.Instead she marched up to the counter, grabbed Sam’s hand, and put something into it.

It was a lock of hair, long and blonde and slightly wavy.At first, Sam frowned at it in confusion.But then it dawned on him.Lilith.She’d had hair just like this.

Sam looked up at Lisa in shock.The scratches on her face looked red and inflamed, but her eyes were shining in triumph.She reached across the counter with hands that had broken nails and caught his arms, drawing him forward for a kiss.“You are mine now,” she told him.

Sam could only smile.He felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his chest.For the first time since the incident, he felt whole.Lisa kissed him again, combed her fingers through his hair, and smiled at him.Then she headed out with her head held high.Sam stared after her.He felt slightly dazed.

“Marry her,” Dean called.“Now.”

Sam turned and scowled at his brother.Dean was standing back in the shelves where he’d been pricing new items, grinning at him.“Shut up!”

Dean chuckled and went back to pricing.That was the first time he’d seen his brother smile since they’d left the DA’s office.

***

The football game was home, and it was a tough one.But Castiel’s attention was less on the game and more on the sidelines.Sam was back in his Bulldog costume.He was doing the cheers with the rest of the squad, but it was clear he was reserved.

Then suddenly the band started playing “Push It.”

Sam froze.From his place in the stands, Castiel could see his face go pale. No.Castiel got up.“Lisa!” he yelled.

Lisa was already moving.She had Sam by the arm and was pulling him towards the band.Anticipating these moments, there was a small platform set up.Lisa pushed Sam onto the platform.But he didn’t move.He stood as he was, looking small and scared.He stared at Lisa with pleading eyes.

Castiel pushed his way through the crowd, going over to stand in front of his friend.“Sammy!Sammy!” he started chanting, pumping his fist into the air.

Lisa and the cheer squad joined in.The flag twirlers in the band joined in.Then the offensive line of the football team, waiting on the sidelines, joined in as well.And soon Sammy’s name was echoing through the stands.Castiel smiled at his friend.Come on, Sam.You can do it.Don’t let them beat you.

Something gleamed in Sam’s eyes.And then he was dancing.He thrust his hips outrageously.Trailed his hand like Michael Jackson.Did moves that belonged in a male review rather than a football game.And the crowd loved it.Cheers rang out.But no one cheered louder than Castiel.

“Alright, Sammy!” Castiel yelled when it was done and Sam was taking an exaggerated bow.He smiled.And to his delight, Sam smiled back.


	32. Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lucifer and Balthazar become suspicious, Dean goes to dangerous lengths to protect Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for major homophobia, discussion of homophobic violence, and discussion of drug violence

  _I hadn’t told Jack much about the Demonesses.  I’d glazed over the things Lilith had done.  He was only 13, after all.  But now he was growing impatient._

_“I don’t understand,” Jack complained.“So far, most of what you’ve told me is stupid stuff.What happened back then, the people involved at the high school?Most of what they did was just stuff kids do all the time!So how did it get so bad?How did you all go from being stupid kids making stupid decisions, like you said, to, well, here?”_

_I didn’t answer at first.My eyes were roving over the empty field.In my mind, I could still see the pond, the dock.I could feel the biting cold, hear the shouts and screams.I shivered and realized that my skin had broken out in gooseflesh.“To understand what happened that night, you need to understand what led up to it,” I explained.“By this time, even though we didn’t know it, it was too late to go back.It was like we were all on a runaway train, moving faster and faster.Or I guess a better analogy was that we were all sitting on a powder keg, not knowing that, through our own actions, we’d already filled it with black powder.”_

_“But it got so bad!” Jack reminded.“I can see how a fight could happen.But for it to get as bad as it did?How did everything fall apart so fast?”_

_“Like I said, we were all sitting on a powder keg,” I said.“All it needed now was for someone to set the fuse, make everything ready for that final flame.That’s what happened that fall, when Lucifer and Balthazar started to get suspicious.”_

***

Sam felt better than he’d felt since his mom died.The cuts on his wrists healed well, despite leaving scars.He was told most of them would fade in time.Overall, the Incident, as the police called it and he’d come to think of it, became something he could regulate to his nightmares.Dean and Cas tried independently to get him to talk about it.He’d quickly changed the subject.They’d gotten the hint.Lisa was a bit slower.She tried earnestly to get him to talk about his feelings or some such bullshit.What was to feel?It wasn’t like he’d been raped.Overall, he told himself, the entire thing wasn’t that big of a deal.Now all he wanted to do was forget it had ever happened.That hadn’t pleased Lisa.But at least she, too, had given up the idea of getting Sam to talk about it.It was over.It was in the past.As far as Sam was concerned, it could stay there.In time, the memories would fade just like the scars on his wrists.Better all around.

Lisa was amazing.It still made Sam pause, to try to figure out just what it was that had made the most beautiful girl in school want him?He was nothing special.He knew he was good-looking, but he didn’t exactly consider a career in male modeling.Yet here he was, a tall, gorgeous brunette on his arm.Lisa drew stares wherever they went.But she only had eyes for Sam.He felt like the luckiest guy in the world.The only downside were the broken-hearted looks Hannah would give him anytime she saw him with Lisa.He quickly learned to avoid her.

Dean, Sam knew, was happy too.Sam had noticed the way his brother and his best friend would frequently sneak off, duck somewhere out of sight.Afterwards, they’d return looking bright-eyed and rumpled and smiley.Good.Dean and Cas deserved each other.

Even so, the relationship between two of the most important guys in his life was causing Sam some distress.Lucifer and Balthazar always seemed around.Their eyes were constantly on Sam or Dean, watching them.And what they saw alarmed Sam.Dean and Cas were getting too settled into their relationship.More and more, Luci and Balth stopped paying attention to Sam and started paying attention to Dean and their youngest brother.They, too, saw the mussed hair, the rumpled clothes, the happy expressions.They watched as Dean and Cas stood just a bit too close together.They noticed the way the backs of their hands would brush as they passed.Their eyes took in the looks the two shared when they didn’t realize anyone was watching.And every time they saw something new, their expressions grew a little darker, more suspicious.

Finally, Sammy pulled the two aside.“You guys need to be more careful!” he warned.“Balth and Luci are watching.I think they suspect!”

All the blood seemed to drain out of Cas’s face.“Dean, they can’t!They can’t know!”

“Alright,” Dean soothed, taking his arms.“It’s ok.It’s my fault.I can’t keep myself away from you, and it’s making me careless.”

Cas shook his head.“There are two of us here, Dean.But now we have to stop.If they suspect?If they tell my father?”

All three of them were pale now.Sam shuddered, thinking of the lock on the door of Castiel’s room.

“Alright,” Dean said.“I’ll cool it.Whatever you need me to do, Cas, you know that.But I think I need to do a bit more.I need to get them off of our backs.”

“Dean, don’t do anything stupid,” Sam warned.“Luci and Balth have been keeping their truce with us, but you know they hate us!And you know Balth has a knife!”

“He won’t come near either of you with that knife,” Cas said.“I made sure of that.If he does, I’ll tell the truth about what really happened in the music room, when he gave it to me.”

“I actually don’t intend to involve Balth at all,” Dean said.“I was going to go talk to Lucifer.Seems to me, he’s the leader and Balth just follows whatever he does.”

“That’s not always the case,” Cas said.“Most of the time, yes, that’s true.But the biggest trouble they’ve gotten into together, it was Balth that egged Luci on.And there’s something else you should know.My brothers aren’t just using drugs.They’re selling them.I saw them in the boys’ room, and a few more times in various places since then.”

“That so?”Dean sounded interested.

Cas nodded.“They’ve got this guy they used to hang out with from our old school.I don’t think he actually went to the school, but he was always around.He’s called Azazel.I never paid much attention to him, but Hannah said he’s bad news.He’s a hard core drug dealer.Has a prison record and everything.He shouldn’t have been around our old school.But he really shouldn’t be around here!And I’ve seen him every other Tuesday outside the school, meeting with my brothers.I think he’s their supplier.”

“Azazel, you say?”

Sam frowned, not liking Dean’s thoughtful expression.“Dean?” he warned.“Whatever you’re thinking, think again.This is a drug dealer with a prison record from the city!It’s way more than you can handle, ok?”

“Sammy’s right,” Cas agreed.“Azazel is dangerous, Dean!”

“Which is why I’m not planning to go anywhere near him.But if he keeps a regular schedule?”

“Every other Tuesday at 4pm, just like clockwork,” Cas confirmed.

“So he’s coming tomorrow?”

“Yeah?”

“Then I can call in a tip to the police,” Dean said.“And they can be waiting for him.”

“Dean, don’t!” Cas pleaded.“If my brothers get caught in a drug bust, then Balthazar will go to juvie and Lucifer will go to jail!They’re my brothers!I don’t want to see that happen to them, alright?”

“I know,” Dean soothed.“That’s why I’m going to talk to Lucifer.I can arrange to distract him and Balth, make sure they’re late to that meeting so they don’t get busted when the cops nab Azazel.Then I’ll ask Luci to come and talk to me.I’m going to give him one chance to get out of this.He and I are going to come to an understanding.”

“Dean!”Cas’s eyes were wide with fear.“This isn’t going to work.Even if you get rid of their dealer, they’re just going to find another.But going up against this guy is dangerous!Please, don’t mess with Azazel!”

“No, Cas, I’m messing with him!”Dean’s face was suddenly filled with anger.“Every night that I work for Benny’s dad, I’m seeing signs of drug use.The drug problem in this town is worse now than it has ever been.And if it’s your brothers who are bringing the shit here from the city?Then I’m messing with them!Because someone needs to, alright?Even if they find another dealer, if I can keep the shit out of Lawrence even for a little while?It’s worth it!”

Sam stared at him with Cas.Dean’s expression softened.“I’ll be careful,” he promised.“I won’t put myself in a situation where I’ll be in danger, and I’ll do what I can to protect your brothers, Cas.But I’m stopping this.If I can maybe make things better for us at the same time?I have every intention of doing so!Either way, I’m talking to Luci.It’s past time we had a chat.”

“What are you going to tell him about us?” Cas asked.

“That you haven’t done anything wrong.And you haven’t,” Dean assured.“Then we’ll have to be careful.”He smiled at Cas.“I love you, and I’ll do what I can to keep your brothers out of trouble.But I’ll protect you.Alright?”

“Alright.”Cas didn’t look happy.But Dean considered it a victory that he stopped arguing.

***

Dean smiled when Lucifer finally appeared.The eldest Novak sibling was looking warily around, as though he expected to be ambushed.He frowned suspiciously at Dean.Dean stayed as he was, sitting on top of the picnic table in the park with his feet resting on the bench, and waved him over.

The older boy paused, considering.Finally, he came over.His feet kicked through the fallen leaves as he walked.His expression was colder than the wind.“I have already had a seriously bad day,” Luci warned as he approached.“You better not have lured me out here to try something with me, Dean.Because if you touch me, I will break you in half!”

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart,” Dean groaned.“Trust me, I’m not interested in you, alright?”

“No.”Luci stopped a few feet away from Dean.He hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans.“I think you’re a lot more interested in my youngest brother!”

“And that’s one of the things we’re going to talk about.”Dean indicated the picnic table.“Sit down, take a load off.”

“I prefer to stand.”

“That’s nice.”Dean sat back.He rested his folded hands on his knees.“How about you tell me what you think you know about me and Cas?”

“I know that you keep disappearing with him,” Luci said.“I know that you keep looking at him in a way that only an idiot would mistake for friendship.And I know that he’s looking back at you the same way.You’re tempting our brother to sin, aren’t you, Winchester?”

“Why, am I that tempting?”

“We had a fag at our old school who thought he could touch my baby brother,” Luci said.“I beat him to a bloody pulp.I don’t mind doing the same thing to you.No one hurts my family, especially not some Hell-bound homo!”

Dean shook his head.“You say the sweetest things, don’t you?”

Lucifer clenched his fists.“Did you put your filthy hands on Castiel?Did you fuck my brother?!”

“I’m going to use my filthy hands to knock your teeth out in a moment if you keep this shit up,” Dean warned.“But no.I haven’t, as you so quaintly put it, tempted your brother to sin.I didn’t sleep with Castiel.”

Lucifer glowered at him over crossed arms.“But you want to.”

“I wouldn’t say no.Castiel’s a great guy,” Dean said.“A lot better than the other males in his family, that’s for damned sure.”

Lucifer started forward, but held himself in check.“Bless your heart, you’re trying to get me to take a swing at you, aren’t you?This is a trick.You’re trying to get me to attack you so you can claim I assaulted you and get me in trouble!”

“Lucifer, if I wanted to fight you, you’d already be on the ground.I asked you out here to talk.You’ve done a lot of that.So why don’t you shut up and listen for a moment?”

Luci’s eyebrow cocked.But he went quiet.

“I won’t deny that I have feelings for Cas,” Dean began.“But those are my feelings.I’m gay.Castiel’s gorgeous.I can’t speak for his feelings and I won’t.Neither should you.Because whatever you think you saw?That’s honestly not your business.”

“The hell it’s not!Castiel is my brother!He put our family through hell once already.Then he came here and actually started dating girls.We thought he was going to be alright.But now here you are, tempting him again, warping his mind…”

“Warping his mind?Let’s talk about warped minds!Why the hell do you feel so threatened by me, Luci?Pretend Cas and I are more than friends.So what?It doesn’t affect you!He’s still your brother.I’m not taking him away from you, ok?Nothing has changed!”

“Everything has changed!You’d drag my brother down to Hell with you, and for what?A dick up your ass?You’d fuck my brother, graduate, go your own way and leave him all alone to suffer the consequences!”

“Even if I had any intention of doing that, why would he be alone?” Dean challenged.“You’re his oldest brother!Where the hell would you be, Luci?”

Luci straightened.“I love my brother.I’d gladly fight you to keep you away from him, Dean.But I will not join him in Hell.”

Dean groaned.“Oh my god, can you be more of a pompous asshole?!”

“You dare mention God?!It’s God who judges you!And he will!Genesis 19 verses 24 and 25!Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of Heaven.And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.”

Dean looked up.“Not seeing a whole lot of that today, are we?I’m right here in the open.Seems to me, if God was going to smite me, now’s the perfect time to do it.”

“God has no need,” Luci declared.“He sent me to do it.”

Dean groaned again.“Ok, now you’re God’s appointed smiter, right.Before you turn me into a pillar of salt, let’s just get to the point, shall we?I want you leave Cas alone.You want to get on my shit about being gay, that’s fine.But Cas didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Maybe not yet, but it seems to me, he’s heading that way!I was already thinking of calling his doctor.”

“His doctor?Why would…?”Dean shook his head.“Never mind.I’m telling you, Cas didn’t do anything wrong.And if you’re that worried about me, then I’ll back off.I’ll keep my distance from Castiel, for the sake of his own peace of mind.But you need to leave him alone.Do that, and I’ll do something for you.”

“You call me a pompous asshole, and then you sit there and try to make a bargain for my brother’s soul?!”

“No, I’m making a bargain for you to get off his shit!Seems to me his soul’s doing just fine.Yours is the one that’s twisted and dark.”

Luci laughed.“How do you figure?”

“Because Cas isn’t the one who’s so miserable he’s spending half of his time stoned,” Dean said.“That’s the guy in front of me.”

Lucifer stiffened.“I think you should shut up about things you know nothing about.”

“Sure,” Dean agreed.“Thing is, I know all about you and the drugs.You, Balthazar, Azazel?”

Luci reacted as if he’d been slapped.His eyes darted frantically around.They seemed to burn as they fixed on Dean.“You don’t have any idea what you’re fucking with,” he hissed.“How did you hear that name?!”

“Doesn’t matter.I know he’s your drug dealer.And I know the reason you had such a bad day today is because you came way too close to getting nailed when he got arrested.Would you like to know why that happened?”

Luci narrowed his eyes at Dean.“Balth and I both got pulled into Coach Singer’s office and lectured about smoking, even though the old fool had nothing on us.He kept us in that office for over an hour!You had something to do with that?!”

“As we speak, Azazel is sitting in a prison cell, waiting to be transferred back to the city to stand trial,” Dean announced proudly.“Turns out there was already a warrant out for him.Lawrence’s finest nabbed him as soon as he got into the town limits.The way I hear, he had quite a load with him, too!The street value is more money than I’ll ever make in my lifetime.Now he’s pissed as hell, wondering who, exactly, it was that might have turned him in?”

Luci went pale.“We had nothing to do with that!”

“He doesn’t know that, does he?”Dean nodded, seeing understanding dawn in the other teen’s eyes.“The point is, if you should get busted for drugs too?You might just end up in the same prison as a very pissed off drug dealer who would like nothing more than to make you his bitch.Then we’ll talk about sins of the flesh, won’t we?”

“What is this, blackmail?You keep your mouth shut so long as I let you have my brother?Because that won’t happen, Dean!I don’t care what you threaten me with, I will never let you hurt my family!”

“You know, that is the only thing I respect about you, Luci.That you take care of your family.But this isn’t blackmail.It’s a warning.”Dean got up, standing to look Lucifer in the eye.“This is my town.I was born here.Everyone I care about is here, your brother included.My family, my friends, my neighbors?We all live and work here.Chances are I’m going to spend the rest of my life right here after the Marines and end up in the graveyard with my mom.And that’s fine.That sounds like a fine life for a hayseed from the breadbasket like me.What isn’t fine?Is poison from the city gumming up the works!So here’s my offer.I just cut the head off of the biggest snake in this town.I kept the names of you and your brother Balthazar out of it, out of respect for Cas.But you no longer have a dealer.Someone like you, with your money and connections back in the city?Maybe you can find another dealer.But if you do?You’re going to keep your activities to buying.I hear even a whisper that you’re selling again, and I will drop your name to the cops.There will be drug-sniffing dogs humping your ass in a hot minute!”

“You just made a huge mistake!” Lucifer snarled.“I will be watching you, every second of every day.And you are going to slip up!Soon as I have proof you’re doing something with my brother, I will put you in the hospital, Dean.Then I’ll take it to father.He’ll send Castiel far away, somewhere you will never see him again!”

“Do your worst,” Dean agreed, ignoring the icy dagger that had just plunged into his heart.“You won’t have any reason to go after Castiel because of me.Your brother hasn’t done anything wrong.Leave him alone!Better yet?You got a problem?”He spread his hands.“You know where to find me.In fact, we can have a nice long discussion about it, right here and now.”

Luci raised his fists and Dean got ready for a fight.But the sound of voices to his left caused Luci’s eyes to shift.He looked at the two women entering the park with their young children and grimaced.“You’re lucky.”

“Yeah, you don’t want a repeat of the music room,” Dean mocked.“You know damned well you were about to get your ass kicked!”

Luci rolled his eyes.“Keep your delusions.We’ll see someday, won’t we, Dean?”

“Like I said, Luci.You know where to find me.”

Dean waited until Lucifer Novak had stormed off, gotten back in his car, and peeled out with a squeal of rubber on asphalt.Then he took out his phone and called Cas.“Hey, it’s me,” he said when Cas answered. 

“Hello, Dean,” the familiar raspy voice replied.

Dean smiled.No matter what, just hearing Cas’s voice brightened his day.“Had that chat with your brother.I think he’ll keep his head down.Hopefully that will mean a lot less drugs coming into town.”

“And us?What’s that mean for the two of us?”

Dean grimaced.“Well, that’s the hard part.I told Luci you didn’t do anything wrong, but he doesn’t believe me.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Dean.I told you he wouldn’t.I’m not sure what you thought would happen by confronting him.”

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to do much for the two of us.Me confronting him was mainly to help my town.We don’t need filth like Azazel in Lawrence.”

“I agree.But Lucifer and Balthazar are going to be watching the two of us a lot more, now that you’ve crossed them.You really put us both in the crosshairs.”

“I know.And I’m sorry, angel,” Dean said, forgetting himself for a moment.“But it’s ok.I love you.I am willing to wait for you as long as it takes.For now, I’ll back off.I won’t even touch you unless I’m 100% sure that no one’s around to see it and there’s no chance of someone walking in.And I’ve got to tell you, that is going to kill me.Being around you, but not able to touch you?That’s going to be Hell.But I promised you that I’d take are of you, and I’ll do it.”

Silence from the other end of the line.

“Cas?You ok?”

“I was just thinking that if I didn’t already know you loved me?” Cas said.“I would now.You’re willing to put your own desires on hold to protect me.You’re putting me first.No one…No one has ever done that for me before.”

“You better get used to it,” Dean vowed, “because I will always put you first.You are everything I have ever wanted, Castiel Novak.I love you.Do you hear me?”

“I hear you, Dean.”Cas’s voice had a bit of a hitch.“I hear you.I know you love me.And I hope someday, maybe soon?I’ll have the conviction to say it back.”

“I’ll wait.I’d wait forever for you.”

“I know.Goodbye, Dean.And thank you.”

Dean hung up with his boyfriend and took a deep breath.This was going to be tough.Anytime he was around Cas, all Dean wanted to do was touch, kiss, hold.Keeping his hands to himself was going to be an exercise in self-control.But he’d do it.He wouldn’t do anything to risk Cas.What Lucifer had said, about Zach Novak sending Cas away, was troubling.No.He couldn’t take the chance.For Cas, he’d do anything.He’d wait as long as it took.

With a spring in his step, Dean headed back to his baby.


	33. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets some news he never expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes selected "Man In The Mirror" by J2 for this. It blew me away.

_“So what did it?” Jack wanted to know.“Ok, if there were drugs involved, I guess I can see how it got as bad as it did.But you said you were all sitting on a powder keg.Azazel getting arrested, that put the fuse in?”_

_“Yeah,” I sighed.“With Azazel in jail, and the threat of joining him hanging over their heads, Luci and Balth had no choice but to lie low.They didn’t take long to find another supplier to feed their habit, but not being able to sell put a huge dent in their income.They were furious.Aching for revenge.They watched every move we made after that, just waiting for one of us to slip up.”_

_“And light that fuse?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“So who did it?” Jack pressed.I could hear it, the heat in his voice, the rising anger.“Which one of you finally lit that fuse?”_

_I stared at the ground, not able to look him in the eye.“I did,” I admitted.“One stupid, thoughtless moment of panic.Six words, blurted out in the heat of the moment.That’s all it took to destroy everything.Six words, Jack, and your life was changed forever.”_

***

Sam groaned inwardly when Hannah took his arm.Cas’s sister had been giving him guilt trips with her sad looks again ever since he’d started dating Lisa.He’d really been hoping she was over him.Now every time he looked at her, he felt guilty.He had plenty to feel guilty about.He’d told her he loved her and had taken her virginity, after all.But that had been so long ago!Thanksgiving break was right around the corner.They had today and tomorrow, that was it.Hannah had plenty to be thankful for.Surely it was time for her to move on?

But now she had hold of him and he couldn’t duck her or pretend he didn’t see her gesturing to him anymore.He forced himself to smile at her even as he tried to pull his arm away.“Hey, Hannah, sorry, but I don’t have time to talk right now.I’ve got to get to my class.”

“Sam, this is important!” she insisted, tightening her grip.“Please!I have to talk to you!”

Shit.He sighed.“Alright, but it’s gotta be quick.What do you need?”

She started pulling on his arm.“Come with me.”

“Hannah, if you need to talk, can’t we just...?”

“Now, Sam!”

Sam blinked.Ok, Hannah had always been a bit bossy.But that was a mommy voice if he’d ever heard one.The type that meant don’t argue.Do as you’re told and shut up.Sam shut up.He meekly let himself be pulled into, of all places, the nurse’s office.Why were they in the nurse’s office?

Apparently, the nurse knew what was going on.She gestured towards one of the treatment rooms.Hannah thanked her with a nod, pulling Sam towards it.Oh shit.This was bad.What had happened?Was Hannah sick?Did that mean Sam was sick?How many girls had he been with?He’d lost track somewhere along the way.Looking back, he was ashamed and disgusted with his own behavior.He’d stopped after Hannah, hadn’t been with anyone for a while, and now was exclusively with Lisa.But he’d been with so many.And, he admitted to himself, he hadn’t always been safe.Somewhere along the line, he’d picked something up, and now Hannah had it!What was it?

Sam was good and anxious by the time Hannah closed the door and turned to him.“Ok.Just tell me,” he urged.“What’s wrong?”

“I’m pregnant, Sam.”Three words that tore apart Sam’s entire world, spoken in a calm voice like it was nothing.“I missed my period, thought it was just a fluke because I’m not always regular.But then I started throwing up every morning.So I tried one of those urine tests.When it was positive, the nurse helped me get a blood test.It’s positive.I’m pregnant, and you’re the father.”

Silence.She was looking expectantly at him.Obviously he was supposed to say something.“What are you going to do?” he blurted out.

Hannah’s face crumbled.She doubled over as if he’d struck her.Her hands went up to cover her face.She started to sob.

Sam ran.

He didn’t remember running out of the school.He simply ran, legs pumping as though he could outrun his own destiny.He ran until his lungs were desperate for air and his legs shook.Then he started walking.He wasn’t quite sure where he was anymore.Didn’t matter.He walked.Walked.Walked.His mind never stopped churning.Pregnant.Hannah was pregnant.They were going to have a baby.He was only 16 years old.How could he support a baby?He’d marry Hannah, of course.That wasn’t even up for debate.She was having his baby and he would do the right thing.Back when they were dating, she’d been all about marrying him anyway.

But once they were married, what could he do?Where would they stay?Her family was out of the question.Even if he wanted his wife and baby anywhere near a man who routinely locked his own children into rooms with barred windows?Zachariah Novak had already made his feelings about Sam and his family crystal clear.Fine.Hannah needed out of that hellhole anyway, especially now she was in a delicate condition.She was only 18.Sam knew enough from health class to know that a teenaged pregnancy was a dangerous one.She’d need care during her pregnancy, and she and the child would need care afterwards.Sam was still on his father’s insurance, but what about Hannah and the baby?How could he pay the medical bills?

He’d have to drop out of school.No choice.He needed to start working right away.Start saving money to support his new family.If he was married and had a child, he’d be considered an adult, right?He could function as an adult.They needed more help at the store anyway since Dean had fired the employee who had been stealing from them.Sam could work full time at the store and draw salary for full time hours.He could pick up more hours at the motel.He’d get a third job if he had to.Whatever he had to do.He was only 16.What kind of job could he get when he didn’t even have a high school diploma?Maybe he could study on the side somehow, get his GED?That could lead to a better job.Hannah was a senior.He wanted her to stay in school.Hopefully, she should be able to finish school before the baby was born.At least she’d have a diploma then.Sam would work, support his new family until the baby was born.After that, they’d find care for the baby so Hannah could work, too.They’d need a place to stay, and help with the baby.He hated to ask his father, but they might not have a choice.Dean would be in the Marines and couldn’t help.Cas?That was a possibility.They’d manage somehow.No choice.He’d have to stay with his father, maybe pay some rent, until they could save up enough to get a cheap apartment somewhere.

It would be hard.No one to blame but himself for that.Sam was still stunned by the news that Hannah was pregnant.They’d nearly always used protection when they were together.How many times had Sam forgotten a condom?Once, two times, he’d forgotten to replace the one in his wallet and had sex unprotected.That was all it took.And now Hannah was pregnant and everything had changed.

Then there was Dean.Apparently, Dean knew he’d gone missing.He’d called twice.Both times, Sam had answered with an abrupt “I’m busy, leave me alone” and had hung up.He wasn’t ready to deal with his brother yet.How was he going to tell Dean?Dean had worked so hard to keep their family together.What about Grice?She’d made it clear that in order to stay with Dean, Sam needed to keep his grades up.But now he was dropping out of school.Alright.He needed to marry Hannah right away.Grice couldn’t take him then, right?Not when he was married and about to be a father!

Sam looked up and saw he’d wandered over to the court house.Perfect.He went in, asked around, and was directed to where he needed to go.To get married, he needed a license.To get a license at only 16, he needed a parent’s permission.Well, now Dean had to let him see his father in prison.John would be disappointed, probably yell.But he knew as well as Sam that there was no other option.He’d sign the forms.Sam got what he needed and headed back out.

He wasn’t ready to go home.Dean would be at the house.Sam kept walking.He had to find a way to explain things to Dean.He would tell Dean tonight.No.First he needed to straighten things up with Hannah.Once she agreed to marry him, they could make plans.It wasn’t right for him to just make plans without involving her.He needed to call her.He should have called her long ago.

Sam got out his phone.Fortunately, he still had her number in his contact list.By now, it was almost 7pm.He’d been out walking aimlessly for hours.Well, at least he’d accomplished something.He had all the paperwork he needed for a marriage license.He had the beginnings of a plan.He was ready to do the right thing.

Hannah didn’t answer her phone.Odd.He hung up, called again, listened to the answering machine.“Hannah, it’s Sam.Listen, I’ve been thinking things over and we need to talk,” he began.“I want you to know, I’m going to do the right thing.But I imagine your family didn’t take the news so well.I’m sorry that I panicked.I never should have said what I did.I never should have run out like a coward.I should have gone home with you.I should have been there when you told them.Maybe you didn’t yet?Either way, if you want me to come over, call me.I’ll come right away.Or if you want me to stay away, let you talk to your family?I’ll do that, too.I’ll do whatever you ask.Just call me, please!”He paused.“I’m here for you, Hannah,” he added softly.“I’m sorry this happened, but I’m here.I’ll take care of both of you.I promise.”

Sam hung up, considered, and called again.This time, he left his cell number, the house number, the number of the store, and, just to be safe, Dean’s cell.Now Hannah would be able to reach him.“Call me any time,” he urged.“If you don’t want me to come over tonight, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.Try to get some rest, ok?You need it.And please don’t worry.I’ll take care of you.I’ll find a way to make this work.”

Sam hung up.He stared for a moment at Cas’s number in his phone.Should he call Cas, ask his friend to check on his sister?No.He had no way to know if Hannah had told anyone.And if Cas was going to hear this from Sam, he would hear it face-to-face, where Cas could take a swing if he wanted to.God knew, Sam had it coming.

By the time Sam got home, it was dark and Dean was frantic.Sam could barely get a word in edgewise.Dean knew Sam had left school.What was he thinking?!Why would he just leave and not tell Dean?This was followed by a long interrogation where Dean demanded to know if someone was hurting him again.By the time Dean started demanding Sam take his shirt off to prove he didn’t have any more bruises, Sam had had enough.

Ten minutes of profanity-laced screaming later, Sam was brooding in his room behind a slammed door.Guilt ate at him.Dean was just worried, but Sam wasn’t ready to tell him about the pregnancy yet.Dean was going to be an uncle.Sam was going to be a father.He was going to be a married man with a wife and child to support.The weight of that was nearly smothering Sam.

Plans.He had to make plans.Hannah hadn’t called.She must not want to talk to him yet.Well, that was her choice.Tomorrow he would ride with Dean to school.Sam had his dad’s keys to the Impala.He’d talk to Hannah, ask her to marry him.Then they would both cut classes, take the Impala out to the prison, and explain things to his father.John Winchester was going to be a grandfather.Sam would meet with him alone, at first, give John plenty of time to tell Sam just what a fool he was.Then, when John calmed down, he’d meet Hannah and sign Sam’s paperwork.They’d go straight to the court house, get their marriage license, and go back to school.Then, as soon as the waiting period was over, they would be married.

How the hell was he going to tell Lisa?She’d be upset, Sam knew.The two of them had a good thing together.He thought he might actually love her.But Lisa was a local girl, born and raised right here in the breadbasket.She’d understand, know that Sam had only one real choice.She would move on with her life.And Sam would do what he had to do with his own.

Sam wished he could afford to get Hannah a ring.She deserved a ring.She deserved a real wedding.She deserved a husband who loved her and didn’t ruin her life through stupidity and carelessness.She deserved so much better than this!That was all on him.How could he have been so careless?Well, now Sam would take care of her.If he had his druthers, Hannah would come straight back to his house to live with him and Dean as soon as they were legally married.For now, she could stay in his parents’ room.He’d go and get her things and to hell with what Zach Novak thought.Then, once his father was out of prison, Sam would figure out other sleeping arrangements, even if it meant he slept on the couch on a more or less permanent basis.He’d never impose on Hannah.He’d take care of her and her child.

Her child.His child.For the first time, the reality of fatherhood was hitting Sam.A baby.He’d made a baby.A small copy of himself.His mind swam with images of a little girl in pig tails or a little boy playing in the dirt.Something had blossomed inside of him, something warm and tender and precious and surprisingly wonderful.He hadn’t intended to make this child.But he already loved it.He would give his child the best life he possibly could.He would be a good father.He was sure of it.

Dean was still upset.He barged in on Sam just as he was about to step into the shower.Sam found himself grabbed and inspected.Of course there were no new bruises.Sam had been humiliated and furious, which resulted in more screaming and a bar of soap hitting the door as Dean slammed it behind him.Well, hopefully Dean would stop accusing him of hiding another bully now.Why Dean had been so fixated on that was beyond Sam.

For some reason, Dean was still upset when Sam came out.Sam ate the light dinner Dean set out, watching his brother.Dean was clearly preoccupied.“What’s wrong?” he finally asked.

“Did Cas say anything to you?”

“Cas?”Sam frowned.“No, why?”

“He got called into the principal’s office today at school,” Dean explained.“Him and Luci and Balth, all at the same time.That’s why I went looking for you, and how I found out you were gone.So I thought, you know, Balth was after you again and that’s why they all got called in.Sorry about the naked inspection thing.I was worried, that’s all.”

Sam was puzzled.“Did you try calling Cas?”

“Only about five or six times!But there was no answer.His machine didn’t even pick up.I wanted to talk to him, no one knew where you were, and I’m still pissed about the way you answered your phone.I was about to jump in my baby and go looking for you when you strolled in like nothing was wrong!”Dean frowned at Sam.“Sammy, something is wrong,” he said quietly.“I know it and you know it.Whatever it is, I just want to help you.Please!Tell me what it is?”

Guilt destroyed the last of his defenses.Sam played with his fork.“I got a girl in trouble,” he admitted.

By the look on Dean’s face, this was the last thing he’d expected to hear.“You…Who?!”

“I need to talk to her first, ok?We need to decide what to do.”

“What’s to decide?You got a girl pregnant?Congratulations, you’re getting married!”

“I know that, Dean!Those papers I brought home are marriage license application forms!But we need to talk about it.Let me talk to her.Then I’ll come back and talk to you.”

“I’ll help you,” Dean said.“You don’t have to do this alone.But you need to be straight with me, ok, Sammy?”

Sam winced.“I’ll tell you everything after I talk to her.I promise.”What will you do, Dean, when you learn that the girl I got in trouble is Cas’s sister?What will you do when you learn that I’ve made your already-complicated relationship with him even more complicated?I’m sorry, Dean.I’m sorry for you, for Cas, for Hannah, for everyone whose lives I just fucked up because I made a stupid, careless mistake.

Dean had come around the table and was hugging him.“You’re too young for this,” he said quietly.“And you’re too smart for it.But congratulations all the same.You’re going to be a dad, Sammy!”

“Yeah.”Sammy suddenly found himself clinging to his brother as reality came crashing down.“Dean, I made a baby!Oh my god, Dean!”

Dean held him tightly for several moments until Sammy stopped shaking.“I’m going to be a dad,” Sam repeated finally.To his surprise, he realized he was smiling.

“That’s terrifying.But it’s also awesome.”Dean stood up.“Do you need my Impala?”

“Yeah.I need to take her out to see dad, get him to sign my permission for a marriage license.Then I’ll probably drop out of school right away, start working.”

Dean winced.But he nodded.“Sounds like a plan.Once you’re legally married, you’re an adult and Grice can’t touch you.But you’re going to have to find a way to support your family.This is going to be tough, Sammy.”

“I know.”Sam wiped at his brow with a shaking hand.“I’m scared, Dean,” he admitted.

“I know you are.But you’re not alone,” Dean stressed.“I can send you money from the Marines, and afterwards, I’ll come back home and help you.Dad will help, too.No matter what, you are never alone.You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam said.“I know.”He dared to look up at his brother.Green eyes stared back at him.There was no anger there, no recrimination.The only thing he could see in his brother’s eyes was unconditional love.Sam broke.Sobbing, he threw himself at his brother.“I fucked up, Dean!I fucked everything up, god, I’m so fucking stupid!”

Dean’s arms were tight around him, familiar and strong and safe.Letting him cry himself out.When Sam’s sobs finally stopped, all Dean said was, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”

It didn’t matter that he was about to become a husband and father.No force on Earth could have stopped Sam from saying yes to one last night of safety with his big brother.


	34. Doing The Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is prepared to face up to the consequences of his careless actions

_Jack was attacking me.He was shoving at me, pounding his fists on my chest as I held him against me.And he was crying._

_“You abandoned me!” Jack was screaming.“All this time, ever since I was a little kid, you were right here.All this time, and you never told me who you really were!You were never there for me, Sam.You missed all of my birthdays.You never taught me how to swim or ride a bike.You weren’t there for me when I was sick or scared.I never got to go to a single Father’s Day thing at school or church because I didn’t have a father.But you were right here all along!You’ve known all about me.Came over to play with me every time we were in town.But you never told me the truth!Why?!Why did you lie?!”_

_I held him with all my strength, letting him scream and fight.“Because you were gone, Jack.I never even knew you existed until your mom came to the wedding and brought you with her.That’s when I asked her if I could start sending you cards.Until then?I hadn’t seen or heard from Hannah since high school!I never knew, Jack, until I saw you.I didn’t feel I had the right to be part of your life, and it’s because of all those things you said.I hadn’t been there.I missed everything!So what right did I have, after all those years, to show up and try to be your father now?”_

_Jack collapsed against me.“Why don’t you want me?” he wailed._

_“I do want you,” I told him.“I always wanted you, Jack, I wanted you so badly!That’s why I sent those cards and letters.I’ve been putting money in an account for you so you can have it for college or whatever you might need someday.I did those things because when the time came, and you learned the truth?I wanted you to know that your father gave a shit about you!You’re my son.I have always wanted you, from before you were born.I wanted to be there for you.To be your father.But I wasn’t given a chance.You were taken away from me.”_

_***_

Sam had dressed in his nicest dress shirt, pants, and shoes.He’d tried on three different ties before choosing one.Regardless of the circumstances, this was an important day.He was about to propose to the mother of his child.

Last night, he’d called Lisa.He’d hoped to meet and explain things in person, but she’d insisted he just tell her on the phone.He had.She’d cried for some time on the phone, but just like he’d suspected, she understood.She’d even gone so far as to wish them the best.By the time Sam hung up, he’d felt like a complete piece of shit.

Sam’s outfit drew looks as he sat down at his usual desk for homeroom.He looked around for Cas.He didn’t see him.Cas was absent today.Odd.A lot of kids had skipped school on the last day before Thanksgiving break.It was a shortened day anyway.But that didn’t seem like something Castiel Novak would do.It made Sam uneasy.Was Cas sick?Maybe.If Hannah had told her family, Sam imagined Cas would have good reason to feel sick.

He and Dean had been up late.Dean had called off of his security job when Sam hadn’t come home, which meant they both had the whole night free.They’d spent hours in the attic, digging through the old baby furniture and clothing that their parents had stored there.It had been an emotional journey for multiple reasons.Neither had slept well.Dean had held him tightly when Sam had climbed in with him, seeking comfort from his brother one last time.Sam had tried thanking Dean, only to be brushed aside.Dean had done what he felt he should do as the older brother and didn’t want thanked.But now it was different.It was time Sam grew up.Learned to stand on his own.He was a man now, about to be a husband and a father.

All day, he looked for Hannah.His plan was to pull her aside, propose, work on plans on the way to the jail to see his dad, and get his marriage license to the courthouse before it closed for the holiday.That way, they could be married as quickly as possible.Preferably before Grice stuck her big nose in.But Sam was dismayed to find out that Hannah was absent as well.So were Luci and Balth.The entire Novak family was absent from school.No one had seen or heard from them since they’d been called to the office.

Now he was really worried.

Sam spoke with Dean and told him he was going to leave school early to go talk to the girl he’d gotten in trouble.No, he didn’t want Dean to come with him.Dean should just take the bus home.This was Sam’s problem and he would handle it.Dean didn’t like it, but for once he didn’t argue.This was something Sam knew he had to do alone.Sam went home and switched out the Impala for his dad’s truck.The Impala was so recognizable that Zachariah Novak would spot it immediately, maybe lock the doors.He’d need it for Hannah’s things anyway, assuming she agreed to marry him.

Sam parked the truck along the curb and walked to the Novak home.The long driveway had never seemed quite so intimidating before.The house was eerily silent.His footsteps seemed very loud as he went up to the door and pressed the doorbell.Sam nervously adjusted his tie.Should have worn the dark red one.Seriously, Sam, don’t be stupid.No one is going to care about the color of your tie.Nut up.No matter what happens, you need to stay strong.Hannah’s counting on you, because you’ve got a snowball’s chance in Hell of anyone in this house being happy about this.Alright.He could do this.His heart was pounding by the time Zachariah Novak opened the door and scowled down at him.“You!” he spat.“You’ve got one hell of a lot of nerve coming here, Sam Winchester!After what you did to my daughter?!Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage to my family?”

Well, that answered one question.Hannah’s family knew about her pregnancy.Alright then.Sam straightened his shoulders.“Yes, sir, you’ve got every right to be angry,” he said.“I was stupid and careless and now Hannah’s paying the price for it.But that’s also why I’m here.I’ve come to do the right thing.”

Novak’s eyebrow went up, even as his frown deepened.“Do the right thing?”

“I’m here because I want your blessing to ask your daughter to marry me.”

Zach threw back his head and laughed.

Undeterred, Sam dug into his pocket and produced the marriage license application.“I’m serious.I’m the one who got her in trouble, and I’m the one who’s going to take responsibility for it.If Hannah’s willing?I’ll marry her.I’ll take my place in my child’s life.I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Zach glanced dismissively at the papers Sam was holding out.“If you wanted to do whatever it takes?You should have asked for her hand before you went and spoiled her!Then I could have turned you down and been done with it.Now get the hell off of my property.”

“No.”

Zach sputtered.“No?!”

“No.Whatever you may think of me, your daughter is carrying my baby.I’m here, ready to take full responsibility for that.What she decides to do from this point on is her decision, not mine.And certainly not yours.”Sam raised the papers again.“I got these from the court house.It’s a marriage license application.And I’m not leaving until Hannah gives me her decision, from her mouth, on her terms as to if she wants to sign them or not.”

Now Zach took a second look at the papers.He snatched them from Sam’s hand and looked them over.“You’re serious!You’re actually serious!What is this?Parental consent form?Dear God, save us sinners!Just how old are you, boy?!”

“I’m 16, sir.”

Novak scoffed.“I hope you’re not looking at pressing any sort of charges,” he warned.“You may have been underage, but from what I’ve heard, you’re the one with all the experience!”

“I’m not looking to press any charges!” Sam exclaimed.“I’m only here for one reason, and that’s to marry Hannah.That’s what I’ve been saying from the start.Now may I please speak with her?”

Zach’s face flushed in anger.He tore the papers to shreds, throwing them in Sam’s face.“There’s your answer.Now get out!”

“No!I’m not leaving until I see Hannah!I don’t care how long it takes.I’ll wait here all day if I have to.And I swear, if you lock her up, I’m calling the cops!”

Sam anticipated the shove, but it still nearly sent him sprawling.“You little punk!Who the hell do you think you are, that you can come onto my property, after you got my daughter in trouble, and threaten me?!”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said calmly.He was fighting for control.“I don’t want to fight with you, Mr. Novak.But I’m serious.I’m not leaving until I see Hannah.And I won’t let you just lock her up to keep her away from me!You can threaten me.You can push me.You can tear up every form I bring, but I’ll just go back to the courthouse and get more.I would have liked your blessing, but this is not your decision, Mr. Novak!It’s Hannah’s.She’s the only one who can make it.I am not leaving until she does.”

“Then you are going to be waiting here for a very long time,” Zach said.“Because Hannah isn’t here.I sent her to her aunt’s.She will help her get rid of her bastard’s bastard.”

“Get rid of it?!”Sam felt cold.“No, I’m here!I’m right here, ready to do whatever I have to do to take care of my family, Hannah and the baby both!Give me a number where I can reach her.I’ll call her, ask her to marry me…”

A hard hand seized Sam’s arm.Sam stumbled, fell, and was dragged a few steps as Zachariah marched to the edge of the porch.He pulled Sam up, grabbing his other arm and lifting the teen completely off of his feet.“I told you to get off my property!” he roared.

Sam flew a short distance.He hit the ground hard, nearly knocking the wind out of himself.He looked up, shocked, to see a red-faced Zachariah coming down the stairs towards him.The man had just literally thrown Sam off of his porch.Sam scrambled to his feet.

“I know what you want, you little freak!” the man roared.“You think you can get your hands on Hannah’s money by getting her pregnant and marrying her?!I see right through you!”

“I don’t want her money!I want my baby!Please, let me contact her, tell her that…”

He saw the punch coming, but it was too fast to duck.Sam threw his head back and to the side.Zach’s knuckles barely clipped his chin, but it was enough to spin him around.Zach followed with a boot.Sam stumbled and barely kept his feet.Then he was running, racing down the driveway and away from the terrible man who had just torn his heart in two.

“Get out!” Zach was screaming.“You’ve destroyed my daughter!You or that abomination of a brother of yours comes anywhere near my family again, I’ll kill you!Do you hear me?!I will kill you!”

Sam lowered his head and ran faster.He ran past the truck without seeing it.His thoughts screamed in his head, far too loud to allow him to hear anything else.Hannah was gone.He had no idea where.No way to contact her.She would never know he wanted to marry her.In fact, it was probably the last thing she’d suspect.The last thing he’d said to Hannah Novak before he’d run away was “What are you going to do?”Hannah likely believed Sam wanted nothing to do with her or the baby.Zach had said he’d sent her to her aunt, who would help her “get rid of” her child.Surely Hannah wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy!But then again, why not?It was, as Zach said, a bastard’s bastard.Hannah was only 18.Why would she ever even consider raising such a child?

Something inside of Sam shattered.Part of him that had just come to life had died, grown cold and putrid.Now the sickness seemed to spread through him, poisoning his very soul until he had to stop, fall to his knees, and throw up.

Gone.

His baby was gone.

Sam collapsed, falling onto his side next to the literal mess he’d made.There, he sobbed, crying for the far more important but less visible mess he’d made of so many lives.For the first time, Sam was actually glad his mother was gone.She would never see him. Never know this shame and guilt that tore him apart now.He mourned for a child that would never be.He grieved for the honor student whose life he’d ruined through his selfish lies and carelessness.And what about Cas?Where was his best friend?He hadn’t seen any of the Novaks except for Zach.None of them had been in school.The house had been so silent.Where was Cas?Was he locked again in his room?What had happened to his friend?

Sam got up.He longed for Cas.He needed to see him, know Cas was alright.He barely managed to call the number with his shaking hands.He waited, listening as it rang.The familiar rough tones of his friend’s voice made him brighten, only to dash his hopes as he realized it was Cas’s answering machine.Alright.Sam waited, trying to think of what to say.“Cas, it’s Sam,” he began.“I know I’m probably the last person in the world you want to talk to right now.But I’m worried.Where are you, brother?”He winced.“I know I have no right to call you that now.But I still care about you, Cas.If you don’t want to call me, at least call Dean.Just, I don’t care who you call or what time it is.Let us know you’re alright.And Cas?For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.I’m so, so sorry!”

He hung up before he could sob into the phone.

Sam started walking again.He had no idea where he was going until he realized he’d just passed through the gate of the cemetery.Immediately, he headed to the familiar double headstone.Dropped to his knees before it.“I screwed up, mom,” he admitted.“I screwed up bad!And I don’t know what to do.I don’t know how to fix this.What do I do, mom?I don’t know what to do!”

No answer from the silent granite.Sam traced his fingers over the letters of his mother’s name.His heart ached.His eyes stung, but he had no more tears left to cry.

He didn’t know how long he was there.After a time, the cold started to seep into him.He looked up and realized it was dark.Sam got up.Dean called.He quickly responded with “Can’t talk now” and kept walking.Walked home.

Dean wasn’t there when he arrived.All there was was a note.“Call me,” it said.

Sam called his brother.Dean immediately answered.“You ok?”

“No,” Sam replied.“She’s not there, Dean.It was Hannah Novak, but she’s gone!Her dad sent her away, and the baby…”Sam couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat.

“Aw, Sammy, I’m sorry!I don’t even know what to say to you except that I love you and you’re going to get through this.”

“I”m going to get trough this.”Sam’s voice was hollow.“My baby’s gone, Dean!”

“I know.And I cannot even imagine what is going through your head right now, or what you’re feeling.But I know you tried.”

“Doesn’t matter.”Sam fell into a kitchen chair.He supported his head on the heel of one hand, the other hand holding the phone to his ear.“It doesn’t matter now.Nothing about this matters anymore.Except Cas.Cas isn’t answering me.I don’t know if he was at the house.Dean, do you know where he is?”

“I’ve got an idea.That’s why I left,” Dean explained.“I never would have left you alone otherwise.But I got a call from Benny.He found Cas out at one of his dad’s storage facilities.Sammy, he’s beat to shit!”

“What?!”Sam straightened, feeling suddenly sick again.“Oh my god, Dean, he’s been beaten?!Was it his brothers?”

“I don’t know.Now that you told me about Hannah, things are making more sense.I’ll find out.The most important thing is that I find him now.Benny found him out there in the dark, realized he’d been beaten and tried to get him to stay.But as soon as Benny mentioned calling the police, Cas took off.Benny didn’t think chasing him was the right thing to do, so he called me.I’m out that way now, looking for him.”

“Ok.The truck is still out at Cas’s house,” Sam said, getting up.“I’ll go get it, and then I can help…”

“No, Sam, you stay put!” Dean ordered.“You don’t go anywhere near the Novaks!I’ll ask Benny and his dad to go there and get dad’s truck back.If anyone tries any shit, they can deal with it.Meanwhile, I need you to stay home, keep by the phone.That way if Cas comes by or calls, you can keep him there and let me know.But you stay the fuck away from his family!I mean it, Sammy!”

“This is my fault,” Sam whispered.“All of this happened because of what I did!”

“That’s not true.”

“The hell it’s not!”

“Sammy, I want you to listen to me, alright?”Dean’s voice had an edge to it now.“I know you’re hurting, but I need to find Cas and I do not have time to be gentle right now.I love you, butyou’re a fucking idiot!What you did was thoughtless and stupid.I cannot believe you slept with your best friend’s sister!I told you that was bad form.You fucking did it anyway!”

“I know,” Sam whispered.“I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“That’s not enough, Sam.It’s way too late for apologies.You need to nut the fuck up!You were going to do the right thing.It obviously did not work out.Now you need to pull yourself together because your best friend is the only one you have any chance of helping.But this is not your fault.You may have stirred the pot.Hell, you probably set it boiling!Finding out that you got Hannah pregnant may very well have been what set off whoever beat Castiel.But you aren’t the one who beat him, Sam.That happened because someone in that house is a sick motherfucker, taking out their anger on someone who had nothing to do with anything!In fact, the truth is that I may have had more to do with setting this in motion than you did.If it was one of his brothers that beat him, well, I’m the one who screwed up their nice little drug trade and threatened them, aren’t I?”

“Dean!”

“It’s true, Sammy.I did something rash that I probably should have known would come back to bite me in the ass at the end.But I didn’t hurt Cas either.Regardless of why it happened, the fact is, it happened.And now Cas is out there somewhere, hurt and alone and afraid.So the only thing we can do at this point?Is to get him safe.”

“Find him, Dean,” Sam urged.“Please find him!”

“I will.But you will not leave that house, Sammy.You wait right there.Don’t move, keep the doors locked and the phone near you.If Cas calls, find out where he is.Try to get him to either come to you or stay where I can get him.And if he comes to the house, you keep him there!I don’t care if you have to hog tie him, Sammy!You do not let him leave, not until I can get there!”

“Yes, sir.”It came out almost by instinct.It was as though he was speaking to his father instead of his brother.

Dean obviously noticed.There was a moment of awkward silence.Then Dean cleared his throat.“Anything happens, you pick up the phone.”

“I’ll do that.”Sam shyly hung up the phone.He held up his hand in front of his face, seeing with surprise that it didn’t shake anymore.He realized he was no longer afraid.Dean had done that.His brother couldn’t fix anything that had happened.But Dean was acting.Dean had a plan.Dean was working hard to fix the only thing about this whole night that had any chance of being fixed.

Cas.They had to help Cas.

When the phone rang, Sam jumped with a startled shout.He fumbled for it, almost dropped it, and finally managed to pick it up.“Cas, is that you?”

“Afraid not, but I hope you’re still happy to hear from me?”

“Dad!”Sam’s shoulders sagged in relief.“Dad, I made a real mess of everything, and now Dean’s trying to fix it, and…!”

“Whoa, calm down, baby boy,” John urged.“Take a breath.I got some good news.”

“Sorry, dad.”Sam cleared his throat, pulling himself back together.“Alright.What is it?”

“Well, I first heard a while ago, but I wanted to make 100% sure everything was in place before I called you,” John explained.“My lawyer did it.I’m getting out of here, Sammy.”

Sam straightened.“Really?You’re getting out?!”

“That’s right,” John said.“I’ve been working everything out, making damned sure the two of you don’t have to worry about anything.I’ve got AA meetings to attend, community service set up, people coming out to put that Ignition interlock device in the truck, even a payment plan put together so I can pay my fines and court costs…”

“Dean already paid those, dad.”

“Did he now?Well, how about that?I guess I didn’t expect him to take that much initiative.”

“You should have!” Sam said, feeling irked.“Dean’s taken care of everything, even mom’s funeral expenses.He’s been running the business.He fired Nick for stealing from us and has interviews set up.He’s handled everything that’s come up.No matter what, Dean dealt with it.He’s done a great job, dad!”

“As I should have expected he would.”The obvious pride in his father’s voice eased any bad feelings Sam was starting to have.“My Marine really pulled through, didn’t he?But what’s going on, Sammy?What’s this about making a mess of everything?”

“Never mind that.I’ll tell you all about it when you get home.Dad, when are you coming home?”

“Well, that’s why I’m calling now,” John explained.“I finally got the confirmation that the last of what I was working on is in place.If I can make everything work?I’ll be back home tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow?Dad, that’s fantastic!”Now Sam was crying again, this time tears of joy.His father was coming home.Now everything would be alright.

“I meant what I said, baby boy,” John was saying.“I am going to make it all up to you and your brother.That’s why I did everything myself.Now, no more crying, alright?Whatever you’ve got going on, don’t you worry about it.When I get home, I’ll handle it.”

“Yes, sir.”Sam wiped at his tears, closed his eyes, breathed a prayer of thanks.John would fix everything.He and Dean wouldn’t have to struggle through on their own anymore.Once Dean found Cas…Sam’s eyes flew open.“Dad, I’d love to talk more to you, but I need to hang up.Something happened to Castiel.We’re not sure where he’s at, but I need to keep the line open in case he calls.”

“Aw shit!I hope he’s alright.You do what you need to do, find him.When I come home, like I said, I’ll handle everything.You find Cas.”

“Thanks.I love you, dad.”

“I love you too, Sammy.Give my best to your brother.”

Sam hung up the phone.He felt much better.His father was coming home!Now all they had to do was find Cas, and everything would be fine.


	35. Hannah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zachariah Novak reacts swiftly to Hannah's news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, domestic violence and abuse. This gets pretty bad, so if you might get triggered, please skip this chapter.
> 
> MistyEyes picked "Angels" by Within Temptation for this. This song haunts me. Every time I listen to it I get chills.

_Jack was crying again.I had no idea what to do.I held him, feeling the thin shoulders shaking as he sobbed against my chest.“What is it?” I asked helplessly.“What am I doing wrong?”_

_“You did love me!” he wailed._

_My heart ached.“Jack, of course I love you!I have always loved you.But you’re right.I should have tried harder, shouldn’t have just let you be taken away.But when I learned your mother was pregnant, I panicked.And because of that, I set things in motion that spiraled completely out of control.”_

_Jack looked past me, out at the field where the pond once was.“And that’s how it happened?That night out here?”_

_“It was complicated,” I corrected.“What happened that night took some more time, but yes, that’s what finally set it all off.Still, it was complicated.A lot of choices were made, most of them done on the spur of the moment for reasons that seemed sound at the time.Not enough people were thinking long-term.No one was really looking at the bigger picture.And that, maybe even more than what happened with your mom?Was what eventually brought us here.”_

((Angels))

When Castiel heard his own name announced overhead, ordering him and his brothers to the office, his first thought was that his brothers were about to be arrested.But that made no sense.Why would he be called, if that was the case?Unless he was somehow implicated in their drug dealing?That was a terrifying thought.It was all he could do to get up, feeling the stares of his classmates, and head out the door.

When he arrived at the office, the first thing he saw was his father, standing silently with the principal.Zach had no time to talk to anyone.When Lucifer, the last to arrive, finally came in, Zach simply thanked the principal and started out, expecting his sons to follow.All three did without a word.Zach led them straight to the nurse’s office, where he collected Hannah.Castiel was shocked at the sight of his sister.She’d clearly been crying.Her eyes were bloodshot and damp.Her face was splotchy, her makeup ruined.Zach didn’t say a word to her, either.He simply gestured for her to come.She immediately got up, falling behind her father without a word.She refused to meet Castiel’s eyes, even when he reached out and touched her hand.Instead, she’d crossed her arms over her chest, following her father with her head bowed.

The car was uncomfortably crowded.Castiel was squashed between his father and Martin up front while his siblings climbed into the back seat.No one spoke on the ride home, either.By now, Castiel’s heart was pounding.He had no idea what was going on.A quick look in the rearview mirror at the pale, silent faces of his siblings offered no hints.But Hannah was silently crying again, tears running down her cheeks without a sound.

The silence lasted unbroken until they were all in the house.There, Zach indicated for his children to come into the living room.All four came in, stood in a silent line.They watched as their father began to pace.“Your sister,” he said at last, “is pregnant.”

It was a double blow.Bad enough, the news Hannah was pregnant.Worse that there was only one person who could have been the father.Castiel had time to bitterly regret not insisting Sam break up with Hannah when he’d first learned they were lovers.Would that have saved Hannah?Or was it already too late?

“She has admitted that the father is Sam Winchester,” Zach went on, confirming what Castiel already knew.“Now there are a few questions that I want answered.First, how long has this been going on?”

“W-we started dating in September,” Hannah replied, her voice barely a whisper.“I thought he was the man I would marry, father, so I gave him my purity.He t-told me that he loved me!”

“Idiot,” Lucifer growled low.“He would have told you whatever you wanted to hear to get into your pants!”

Zach whirled on his oldest son.“Lucifer, did you know about this?”

Luci shook his head.“No, father.I knew they were dating, but had no idea they were sleeping together.If I had, I would have put a stop to it!”

Zach’s eyes moved to Balthazar.“Balthazar?”

“No,” Balth said.“Just like Luci said, I would have put a stop to it.And I would have ended that little bastard!How dare he put his filthy hands on our sister?!”

“Sam isn’t filthy!” Castiel cried.“He did care about Hannah, too.He was just trying to cope with everything that happened to him, not thinking about how much he was hurting other people.”

Immediately, all eyes were on Castiel.“You knew?” Zach accused.“You knew that bastard was defiling your sister?!”

Castiel nodded, his eyes on the floor.“I’m the one who asked him to break up with Hannah.”

“How could you?!” Hannah shrieked.“You’re the reason he broke up with me?!I was going to marry him!You drove us apart!Is this because you got in trouble when you caught him sneaking out of my room?!”

“No, Hannah, it was because he was already with another girl!Like I said, he was hurting, and…”

“What is this?!” Zach thundered.

“Wait, you knew, and you didn’t do anything?” Luci wanted to know.

“You caught Sam Winchester sneaking out of Hannah’s room?!” Balth asked.“You should have beat the shit out of him, or called me and let me do it!”

“No, I loved him!” Hannah cried.

“Polluting the very house I live in!”Zach struck Hannah hard across the face.She screamed and fell.“You’ve made yourself a whore, and for what?Where is he now?!”

“Father, stop!”Before he could think, Castiel was moving, getting himself between his cringing sister and his furious father.“She’s pregnant!You can’t hit her!”

That earned him a blow.He fell heavily to the floor.But Lucifer was there now, forcing himself between them and raising his hands pleadingly towards their father.“Father, please!What she did is a sin, but she is with child!”

Zach looked at his son, taking in the sight of Balth moving to join Luci and Castiel getting back up, all three boys standing between him and his sobbing daughter.He shook his head.“Where were the three of you to protect her before this happened?” he wondered.“Why did none of you do anything to prevent it?Castiel, you especially!First Peter chapter 5 verse 8, be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.The three of you have failed to keep evil from entering this home.Now your sister is ruined!”

“Please, father!” Hannah cried.She was getting back up, clinging to Castiel.“Castiel tried to tell me to be careful when he found out about me and Sam.I wouldn’t listen.I was in love!I was so stupid, but this isn’t the fault of my brothers!Please don’t punish them for my mistake?”

“They will be punished,” Zach promised.His hands were already removing his belt.“All four of you will be!Never again will sin like this happen under my roof!All of you, to your rooms, now!”

No choice.Castiel saw Lucifer’s jaw tense, saw Balthazar clench his fists.But they both turned and meekly went towards their rooms.Hannah was sobbing as she ran to hers.Castiel started walking as well, moving up the stairs towards his room.But his heart was pounding.Behind him, he could hear his father shouting, hear Hannah pleading.He’d started with her.A crack of the belt.A shriek of pain.

Castiel turned and raced back down the stairs.He charged into Hannah’s room.She was lying face-down on her bed, wearing only her bra from the waist up.A red stripe crossed her back.Already Zach was drawing back for another blow.

Castiel grabbed his father’s arm and jerked it back, tearing the belt from Zachariah’s startled hand.“Stop!” he yelled, shoving his father away.“Stop, don’t hurt her!She’s pregnant!”

Zach turned with a snarl of rage.His fist flew out, striking Castiel in the face.Stars exploded.Castiel was vaguely aware of falling, of his sister screaming.He felt like he was in a fog.More pain, his side suddenly flaring with it.He’d been kicked.He heard a sound, fabric tearing.His shirt.His father was tearing it, ripping it off of Castiel’s back.Then more pain as the belt began falling rapidly.“You dare attack your own father?You dare interfere with God’s just punishment?!”

“Father, please!Castiel was only…”

A blow, a scream, the sound of a body falling to the floor.No.Castiel was still in a fog.He forced himself up, forced his body to lunge forward.He hit the back of Zachariah’s knees.The larger man let out a grunt and fell, nearly landing on top of Castiel.He turned, struck Castiel again in the face.Once more, stars exploded in Castiel’s vision.A second blow sent him away from his father and back down to the floor.His head swam.He couldn’t see his father.He couldn’t see anything.A hand seized Castiel’s wrist.Castiel felt himself being dragged, his flailing limbs brushing against carpeting and furniture.“Go!” Zach was yelling.“Leave my home, harlot!Get out!Deuteronomy 23 verse 18, thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the Lord thy God for any vow, for even both these are abomination unto the Lord thy God.You’ve made a whore of yourself, Hannah, and you are no daughter of mine!Go, live with your aunt.Perhaps a godly woman can salvage what’s left of your soul!”

Hannah’s broken sobbing filled Castiel’s ears.But his father was dragging him up, forcing him to his feet.Castiel stumbled.His head throbbed.He felt sick to his stomach.Somehow, he made it up the stairs.A hard shove from his father had him falling half into his bed, his knees on the floor.The world spun.

His father’s hands fumbled at Castiel’s neck, removing his tie, tearing away the rest of his tattered shirt.“This is my own fault,” the man was muttering.“Psalms 1 verse 1, blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.I have failed, and let my children fall to sin!And you?How could I have been so foolish as to risk you?I never should have let you anywhere near homosexuals and sinners!I let you become friends with what I knew was an abomination.That opened the door for that monster to come into my home and prey on my daughter, as well!I’ve failed you, Castiel, when you were doing so well!”

“Sam’s not a monster,” Castiel groaned.“And Dean’s not an abomination!They’re just people, good people, despite what Sam did.Why don’t you just talk to him?He might be willing to help, to…”He gasped, realizing that his father had both of his wrists and was wrapping the tie around them.“No!No, father, please!”

“You fought your just punishment,” Zach warned, pulling a knot into the tie.“Don’t struggle now and make it worse.I will cleanse you of this evil, Castiel.It is my sacred duty as your father!”

Now Castiel was too terrified to fight back.His father handled him, forcing him up onto the bed on his stomach.He began to secure his son’s bound wrists to the head of the bed.“Please, father!Please, not like last time!”

“Take your punishment, and the lesson it brings,” Zach advised.He pulled another knot into the tie.Then he was out, going downstairs to his own room for what he needed.

Castiel listened in dread to his father’s footsteps going down the stairs.He tugged his wrists without much hope.They were tied tight.Downstairs, Hannah was still sobbing.Now the door was opening, followed by the slam of a car door and the rattling sound of the garage opening.By the time his father’s footsteps were sounding once more on the stairs, Hannah’s BMW was pulling rapidly out of the garage.Castiel’s heart ached.His sister was gone.Would he ever see her again?He wasn’t sure.But at least he’d saved her from being beaten.

Unfortunately, no one was there now to save him.

The first crack of the switch made him immediately cry out.The pain was far worse than the belt.The switch was saved only for the worst offenses, or if any of them dared to try to fight back.Zachariah made certain the offender couldn’t fight back during this punishment.The last time Castiel had experienced this, he’d been sent away.Now his fists curled, clenching around the bar he’d been fastened to as he tried to muffle his painful cries in his pillow.

It wasn’t like last time.His father cracked the switch across his back again and again.But it wasn’t long before he dropped the switch.It was over.Zach was sitting on Castiel’s bed, his fingers gently stroking his son’s hair, whispering.“You have always been my favorite.Always the most potential.My beloved son.My angel.And I will not lose you now.I will cure you of this, Castiel.Whatever it takes, I will save you, bring you back.”

Castiel wasn’t listening.He was sobbing into his pillow.His back felt like it had been lanced with fiery brands that still burned.Something warm was trickling down his side.His head throbbed.He still felt a bit foggy.All he wanted to do was curl into a ball and sleep.Finally, his father freed his hands and he could.

“You’ll get through this,” Zachariah whispered, still gently stroking him.“I will make sure you are never tempted to sin like this again.I promise.”

Castiel kept his eyes closed, not watching as his father gently kissed him and left his room, locking the door behind him.And a moment later, he could hear Lucifer crying out in pain.He listened, for once grateful to hear the familiar slap of leather against flesh.The belt, not the switch.Lucifer hadn’t earned the punishment Castiel had just endured.

He opened his eyes.His phone was missing.His father had taken it with him when he’d gone.Of course he had.That meant he wouldn’t be able to call Dean.He was alone.

Castiel’s back stung.Blood from the worst of his wounds was drying, sticky on his skin.The bedclothes stuck to him when he moved.His face and ribs ached where he’d been struck.He lay in his bed, listening as his father finished with Luci and moved on to Balthazar.Then silence fell over the house.He caught himself straining, listening for the sounds that meant Hannah’s pain had begun.He didn’t hear them.Of course not.Hannah was gone.

Good.

He let himself drift off.He heard a phone ring downstairs.Thought he heard a familiar voice.Sam?No, it couldn’t be Sam.He was dreaming.Another ring, more of the phantom Sam.His father was speaking downstairs.He didn’t hear any other voices.He wasn’t talking to Sam.Sam wasn’t here.Dean wasn’t here.Hannah wasn’t here.Only Castiel was here, his body crying out in protest at its treatment.He moaned, shifted a bit.Went back to sleep.

***

When he heard the sound of a key in the lock, Castiel wearily sat up.A glance at the clock showed it was late in the day.He’d expected Juanita with his supper tray.But it was Zachariah, not the elderly housekeeper, who entered with Castiel’s supper.Juanita stood back in the doorway.The sudden light when it was flicked on felt like daggers stabbing through Castiel’s eyes and straight into his brain.Castiel threw up his arm, covering his eyes as he scooted frantically back into the bed.He hissed in pain when his back encountered the wall.

“Let me see.”

Zach’s hands caught Castiel’s chin, lifted his head and pushed his arm down.A finger probed at the soreness over his cheek, just beneath his left eye.Moved to examine the matching areas on his chin, his temple, and then his side.“It’s not bad,” Zach announced.“Your face is pretty swollen.Probably going to bruise.Juanita, ice packs please?”

“Si, Master Novak.”

“Thank you.Lie down on your stomach, Castiel.Let me see your back.”

Castiel reluctantly twisted around to lie on his stomach, displaying his back to his father.Fingers traced over his injuries, making him flinch.“Bring the salve and dressings as well!” Zach yelled after Juanita.Lowering his voice, he explained.“You have a few cuts.They’ll need cleaned and dressed.You might have more scars.”His father’s hand gripped Castiel’s wrist.“Is there something you want to ask me?”

“Will you forgive me, father?” Castiel whispered.

“Of course I will.Come here, my son.Sit up and let me hold you.”

Castiel sat up, wincing as the movement aggravated his injuries.Zach sighed and pulled Castiel into his arms.“I hate it when you make me hurt you like this, Castiel!Why can’t you just obey me?”

“Hannah?” Castiel asked.“She’s gone?”

“She’s gone, drove out to the city to live with your aunt,” his father confirmed.“Juanita and Martin already cleaned out her room.Now enough about her.I need to take care of you.”He gently pushed Castiel back down onto his stomach on the bed.Then he got up, went into the bathroom.Returned with a washcloth just as Juanita brought the items he’d asked for.She knew what to do.She’d done this before.

Zach carefully tended to Castiel’s wounds.Castiel lay still.Except for the occasional whimper of pain, he stayed quiet.Wounds cleaned.Salve applied.Bandages in place.An ice pack wrapped in a towel, pressed to his swollen cheek.His father’s hand massaging the back of his neck as Zach prayed, asking God to heal his son both in body and in spirit.Then he was leaning down, pressing a dry kiss to Castiel’s uninjured cheek.“Eat.I’m keeping you all home tomorrow.You’ll spend the day in prayer and devotion.This family needs to heal.”

Then his father was gone, and Castiel was locked alone in his room once more.

He got up.Moved to his bathroom.Looked in the mirror.The entire left side of his face was swollen and bruised from beneath his eye to just above his jaw. It gave him the appearance of squinting with one eye.There was a mark on his right temple from where he’d hit the floor after his father punched him.A bruise was darkening on his side.He didn’t want to see what his back looked like.Zachariah had said he’d have more scars.The old scars were bad enough.Would he even be able to notice the new ones?

He went back out.Ate.Washed up as well as he could at his sink and changed for bed.He didn’t wear his pajama top.He climbed into his bed.When his door opened, he didn’t turn around.It was only Juanita, gathering up his tray.She left, locking his door behind her.He was locked in again.

He slept.

***

“Can we sue them?The Winchesters, I mean?Or at least Sam?”

This was Lucifer.The Novak brothers had been released from their rooms for breakfast.All three had dressed for school, even though all three knew they’d only be locked in again once breakfast was over.Castiel had quietly thrown out the tie his father had used the night before.He’d chosen an older blue tie, hadn’t bothered to do more than loosely tie it.It kept flipping over.He didn’t care.The bandages beneath Castiel’s shirt kept catching on the fabric.His father had been in to change them this morning.Then Juanita had come in.She, too, had gone through the motions of getting him ready for school.She’d frowned in disapproval as she’d skillfully applied make-up over the bruises on his face.Most of the swelling had gone down.She was good at her job.At first glance, it didn’t appear that anything was wrong.Castiel ate, leaning forward away from the back of his chair.His brothers, he noticed, did the same.Lucifer had already checked on both of his younger brothers once Zach was out of the room.He’d gone pale when he’d peeked at Castiel’s back, then flushed with anger.Apparently, he’d found a target for that anger.

“I’ve thought of that,” Zachariah mused.“The problem is, Sam Winchester’s only 16.With Hannah being 18, they might actually have a case against us!I’ll talk to the lawyer.”

Castiel washed down a bite of eggs with a drink from his orange juice.His stomach churned.He had to force himself to eat.But he knew not eating would only upset his father more.

“However old he is, he’s the biggest slut in the school,” Luci said.“We’d have plenty of people who could testify to that.He obviously took advantage of Hannah’s innocence.”

“I want all three of you to stay far away from those two,” Zach ordered.“Castiel, Juanita put your phone back into your room, but you are not to call them.Do you understand?”

“Yes, father.”Castiel had no idea what he would say to them anyway.

“You should just let Luci and me find those two bastards and teach them not to mess with godly people,” Balth said.

Castiel straightened and opened his mouth to protest.His father beat him to it.“I believe I just told you to stay far away from them?” Zach reminded.

“Then you’d best remind Cassie,” Luci growled.“He’s been spending way too much time with Dean Winchester.”

“He’s been spending way too much time with them both!” Balth agreed.“But Luci and I noticed, for a while there, that he and Dean were getting a bit too cozy.”

Zach’s head shot up.“Castiel?Is this true?”

Castiel silently cursed his brothers.“We’re close friends.They’ve been good to me.”

“They’re trash, Castiel!The father is a drunk, the older son is an abomination and the younger son defiled your sister!Why would you want anything at all to do with them?”

“Because they’re my friends!” Castiel yelled, finally reaching his limit.“Because they care about me!What Sam did to Hannah was bad, and I can’t excuse it.But Dean hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“They’re both hellbound homos,” Balth declared.“Sam just swings in both directions is all.”

“Why the hell would you even want to spend time with them, Cassie?” Luci asked.“Like father said, they’re trash.”

“They’re not!They’re good people!They’re my friends!”

“Enough, Castiel,” Zachariah warned.“Or you’ll go right back to your room without finishing your breakfast.”

“And that’s another thing,” Castiel began.His anger, pain, and humiliation had made him reckless.“Sam and Dean don’t beat on me.They don’t lock me in a room.They don’t dictate who I can and can’t be friends with.All they do is care about me!They go out of their way to try to make things better for me.If that’s what sinners do, then why would I ever want to be godly?!”

“Castiel!Enough!”

“No, father!You call Dean an abomination when all he does is love!John 13 verse 34, a new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another, as I have loved you!”

Luci snorted.“Wrong definition of love there, Cassie.Especially Dean!”

“No, it’s not!Dean is the most loving, kind, generous, and considerate person I have ever met.He takes care of his brother.He cares about others.He goes out of his way to help, even if it ends up costing him, because that’s the kind of person he is!He’s not looking for anyone to pay him back.He’s not looking for bragging rights.He doesn’t even expect anyone to thank him!He’s just a good person, and that’s why I love him!”

The words were out before Castiel could think.Now they hung in the air, before the incredulous stares of his father and his brothers.And there was no taking them back.

“I knew it,” Lucifer growled.“That faggot got to him, father!Dean’s corrupted my brother, just like his brother ruined our sister!When I see that…!”

“Lucifer, enough!Castiel, go to your room.”HIs father’s voice was like the sound of doom.“Juanita, follow him upstairs and lock him in, please.I’ll call Dr. Crowley, arrange to have him sent back to his camp.”

“No!”Castiel trembled in fear.“No, please don’t send me back there!”

“Now, Castiel!”

Castiel got up on legs that threatened to drop him to the floor any moment.His brothers watched in silence, condemning him with their eyes.Already, Zachariah was up, moving towards the phone and the call that would destroy Castiel.

Suddenly Castiel was moving, pushing past Juanita, racing towards the door.He ignored the surprised shouts of his brothers, his father’s angry voice ordering him back.He shoved his feet into his shoes.Then he was out the door, running down the driveway.

“Castiel!” his father roared.“Get back here!If you leave now, I will disown you!Do you hear me, Castiel?!Come back this instant or you will never be welcomed in my home again!”

Castiel’s heart screamed in pain at this rejection.But he kept running.He ran until he was forced to walk.But he kept going.

Above him, the skies opened up, drenching him with cold rain even though the sun was shining.Kansas sunshower.It seemed that Heaven itself had judged him.And why not?He’d just turned his back on his family, and for what?What sort of future could he have now?Would Dean even want him?Dean had so much on his shoulders already.He was struggling to support himself and Sam.No.Castiel had no right to add to that burden.He’d made his own choice, chosen to abandon his family and the only life he’d ever known.Now he would live with it, or die.

He thought he’d be content with either option.

After a few hours of aimless walking, his legs insisted he rest.Castiel looked around, discovering that he’d wandered near a group of storage sheds.The roofs would provide some scant shelter from the rain.Castiel approached.He sat down in the doorway of one of the sheds, curling up to try to get some protection.At least it was unseasonably warm today.Kansas weather was odd.Right now, that was in his favor.But tonight, he knew, things would be different.He’d need to find shelter somehow from the cold.Castiel looked back at the storage shed.They were climate controlled.Maybe he could find an empty one, get inside?

Unfortunately, every shed was locked securely.He returned to his doorway.There was some warmth here.It wasn’t much.The air was cooling, and would only get colder.If he stayed here, he’d surely freeze to death.Maybe that was best all around.At the moment, he was simply too exhausted to care.

“Alright, asshole, I see you!Stand up!”

Castiel looked up in alarm.He’d nodded off.Now it was dark and he was pinned in the beam of a flashlight.He scrambled to his feet and heard a gasp.“Cas?Castiel Novak?Is that you?What the hell happened?Your face is all bruised!”

The rain.It must have washed off the make-up.Now the security guard had lowered his light and was moving forward.Benny Lafitte.“I’m sorry,” Castiel called.“I’ll just go.”

“No wait, stay!You’re hurt, brother, and you’re shivering!How long have you been out here?”

Castiel shrugged.Benny came closer, reached for his arm.“Come on,” he said gently.“Let me get you warmed up a bit.”

Castiel allowed the other boy to lead him back to the security shed.A moment later, he was inside.The warmth slowly began to chase the cold from his bones.Benny put a cup of coffee in his hands.That helped even more.

“Oh my god, what happened to your back?What are those bandages?”

Benny had moved behind him.Apparently, he’d seen the bandages down the collar of Castiel’s shirt when he’d leaned forward to drink the coffee.“Nothing.”

“Nothing?Someone beat the shit out of you!”Benny was pulling out a cell phone.“You just sit right there and relax.I’ll call the cops, and…”

“No!”Castiel jumped up.“No, don’t call the cops.I’m alright.It’s fine.”

“Alright, alright, calm down.How about Dean?Let me call Dean, and…”

“No!I’m sorry.I’ll just go.”

“Wait, don’t go!”Benny made a grab, caught his arm.“Come on, Cas, you need help!At least let me take you to the hospital?”

“No hospital!Don’t call anyone!Just leave me alone!”And then Castiel was running again.


	36. Fearless Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean searches for Castiel after learning he's been beaten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for abuse aftermath, homophobia, recollections of past abuse and past dub-con.
> 
> I originally had another title in mind for this chapter. Then MistyEyes introduced me to "Fearless Love" by Melissa Etheridge. She says it's the theme song for this piece because the lyrics tell the story of Cas and Dean here. I have never heard this song before, but she's right.
> 
> Credit to BigBro and BlueRainbow for writing the second part of this with MistyEyes.

Dean was just about to give up and try another street when he finally saw him.Cas was just ahead.He was walking on the side of the road with his head bowed, his arms crossed over his chest.In the glare of Dean’s headlights, Cas appeared to be walking through sheer force of will.He stumbled along.If Dean had to guess, he’d say Cas was about five minutes from total collapse.

“Cas!”Pulling over, Dean slammed his Impala into park and was out the door.Finally, he could put his hands on Cas.The sight of the bruises made him swallow hard.“Cas?Come on.Come back and get in the car.”

“Leave me alone, Dean!”Cas shoved at him with no real strength or effort.“Don’t you think you and your brother have done enough damage to me and my family lately?!”

“Yeah,” Dean said, stung.“Yeah, Cas, we have.I can’t excuse what Sammy did.But three things to consider.First, he didn’t do anything that your sister wasn’t willing to do.”

Cas glared angrily at him.“Are you calling my sister a whore?!”

“No, Cas, I’m calling her a human.A human being with needs, just like every other human being.Just because Hannah’s a girl doesn’t mean she can’t feel, ok?They’re both humans, and they’re both kids.Stupid kids, who took a stupid chance.”

“I have to tell you, Dean.If your next two points are anything like that one?My advice is to just stop talking.”

“Guess we’ll find out.”Dean held stubbornly to Cas as the other boy tried again to push him away.“Cas!I’m not letting you go until you listen to me.I’ve got two more points to make here, ok?”

“Fine.Make them.”

“Alright.My second point is that Sammy knows he fucked up.He went to your house today, tried to do the right thing, but it was too late!”

“Much too late!If he really wanted to do the right thing, he never should have let her go home alone to face our father!”

“And that’s my third point.This whole situation was shitty.For everyone involved, not just Hannah.But the one person in all of this who did the most harm wasn’t Sammy.It was your father!Yeah,” Dean continued as Cas’s head snapped up.“He’s the one who made those crazy rules in your house.He’s the one who sent your sister away.”His thumb gently traced the swollen ridge of Castiel’s eye.The sight of the damage to this beautiful boy made him sick inside.“And he’s the one who let your brothers put these bruises on you, isn’t he?Isn’t he?!”

“My brothers didn’t beat me.”

“Then who did?”

“What the hell do you care?!” Cas yelled.He finally managed to twist free of Dean and shove him away.“You still have your brother!Your dad’s getting out of jail eventually.You can go back to your house and have people who love you and care about you for who and what you really are.And you act like it’s no big deal!”He shoved at Dean again.“You do whatever you want and everyone just shrugs because you’re Dean Winchester and everyone loves you.But now my sister is gone.The only one who loved me is gone, and it’s because of my best friend.Now I’m all alone!”

“Wrong.”

“What do you mean, wrong?!"

“What you just said is wrong.”Dean caught Cas’s flailing hands and trapped them against his own chest, pulling Cas closer so he could take the other boy’s shoulders.“You’re not alone, Cas.And there’s still someone who loves you.”

Cas opened his mouth, to speak, to take a breath, it didn’t matter.Dean was on it, pressing his lips to Cas’s.Cas gasped, shoved at Dean and twisted his head away.“Stop!Leave me alone, Dean.This is wrong!”

Dean caught his wrists as Cas tried to twist away.“What’s wrong about it?”

Cas was frowning, trying to pull free.“You don’t really care.You just want to have me!It’s filthy!”

“Filthy?!”Dean tightened his grip on Cas’s wrists.“Look at me.Look me in the eye right now and tell me that you think I’m filthy!”

Cas slumped.“No.You’re not filthy, Dean.You’re kind and caring.And I know you have no reason to be here right now.”

“I have every reason to be here right now.”Dean leaned forward, kissed him again.

Cas gave a little cry, throwing his head back to break the kiss.“Stop, don’t do this, let me go!We never should have let things go this far, Dean.It’s a sin, an abomination!”

“So now I’m an abomination?”Dean let him go with a sigh.“Cas, listen to me.I love you.I love you, and there’s nothing filthy about love.Love isn’t an abomination.It’s not a sin.It’s just love.You said you’re alone because the only one who loved you is gone.But I’m standing here, right here, with you.You know I love you!If you want to reject me now, after all we’ve had together?Then I suppose that’s your right.God knows it wouldn’t be the first time.And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called all those things and worse.I know what this world thinks about me.I just don’t care.Because my heart is mine to give.Right now, I’m giving it to you.All you gotta do is take it.Keep it or dash it on the ground.It’s up to you.”

Cas didn’t answer.Dean slumped.“Ball’s in your court, Castiel.Way I see it, you have three choices here.If you want nothing more to do with me, then keep walking.If you want a friend, get in the car and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure no one ever hurts you again.But Cas, I’m offering you something I believe in my heart you want.I know that must scare the hell out of you.If you can find the courage, the strength, to accept what I’m offering you?Then kiss me.”

It was a shitty thing to do.Some part of Dean knew that.He knew that, by asking Cas to finally come out of his closet, he was asking Cas to expose himself to a lifetime of pain and hatred.Cas had just lost his sister, been beaten, and was scared and alone.Now Dean was asking him to go against everything he’d been taught all his life.But Cas hadn’t been the only one hurting tonight.Too much had happened too fast.Dean needed to know once and for all if he could have something with Castiel, or if he needed to move on.

Cas froze.Dean could see the way his face twisted, his hands clenched.But he took a step closer to Dean.Then another, until he was standing so close they were breathing the same air.“Dean?” he said quietly.“I…I don’t…I don’t want to lose you!I don’t want to lose what we have, but I…I’m scared, Dean!I’m so afraid!”

“Then let me protect you.”

Cas stood as if made of stone, unable to take his eyes off of Dean.Finally, his lips moved.“Please,” he whispered.“Please, Dean!I need you!”

“What do you want, Cas?” Dean whispered back.“I’d give you anything!”

Cas didn’t say a word.He didn’t have to.His eyes did the talking, looking at Dean completely unguarded.The message in those sapphire depths made Dean’s heart skip a beat.“Are you sure?” Dean managed.“If I…?If we…?Cas, there’s no going back from that!”

“Don’t you want me, Dean?”

“Oh my god, Castiel!” Dean moaned.“How can you even ask me that?I want you.I have always wanted you.So bad it hurts!”

Once again, Cas went quiet.And once again, those incredible eyes told Dean everything he wanted to know.

Dean slipped his arms around the other boy’s waist and gently pulled him closer.Cas’s body was shaking, but he didn’t resist.He simply looked at Dean.Those eyes.Blue and open, telling Dean everything he’d been longing to hear.The words Castiel still couldn’t let himself say were shining there for the whole world to see.It was almost too much.Dean moaned and bent his neck, leaning towards Cas’s lips.When Cas closed his eyes and tilted his head to meet him, that was all the invitation Dean needed.

Despite the circumstances, kissing Cas was still everything Dean wanted.He was pliant and still.His body leaned into Dean.His lips were as soft and yielding as any girl.Yet the bit of stubble on his face when Dean stroked it was decidedly masculine.So was the deep, needy groan that escaped from Cas’s lips.Suddenly, Cas’s arms were around Dean’s neck.They kissed again and again.Unable to stand it any longer, Dean turned, taking Cas with him back to his baby.

Now Cas protested.“Stop, Dean!Not like this.Not in your car.”

“Oh angel,” Dean groaned.“No!No, you deserve so much more than the back seat of a car for your first time.”He paused.“This is your first time?”

Cas nodded.“Please don’t hurt me?”

“I’ll take care of you, I swear it.Now please, angel, let me get you in the car?It’s freezing out here!”

Cas was quiet until Dean was back on the road.“You called me that again.”

“What?”

“Angel.”His eyes were fixed out the window.“I’m anything but.”

Dean looked over at him and smiled.“Cas, you are an angel.You’re so pure it’s like you fell out of Heaven!You’re beautiful, you’re sweet, you’re kind, you’re caring…”

“I’m a sinner.”Cas’s voice was soft.“I tried not to be led into temptation, Dean.I tried not to feel these things for you.But I can’t!I’m not strong enough.”

Dean clutched at his hand, squeezing it gently until Cas looked at him.“Cas, I want you to listen to me.I love you.And if you feel the same?There’s no sin in that!Loving someone is not a sin, no matter what you were taught.”Dean shook his head.“No one has the right to hurt you like this, either.Not ever.”

Cas went quiet, and Dean frowned.He forced himself to let go of Cas, putting both hands firmly on the wheel.But after a moment, he couldn’t stand it anymore.“Who hurt you, Castiel?” he blurted.

Cas quickly looked out the window again.For a moment, it didn’t seem he would answer.But then came a low whisper.“My father.”

“Your father?!”Dean couldn’t wrap his mind around that.Despite learning that Zach Novak had locked his children up, the idea that he could actually beat them, beat Castiel this badly?I went against everything Dean knew about being a father.His mind flashed to Zach’s reaction to him, and Dean winced.“Was it about me?Did your brothers say something?”

“They didn’t say anything.But no, he didn’t beat me because of us.He did it because I tried to protect my sister.Keep him from beating her.”Cas looked down at his hands.“You don’t try to stop him, Dean.You don’t.But I had to.She was pregnant.”

Dean had to focus on driving for a moment until he got his thoughts under control.Then he realized something.“Cas, is your father the reason you’re afraid to be with me?”

No answer.

“Tell me,” Dean urged.“Why are you so afraid?What could happen if you admitted you loved me?”

Cas let out a deep sigh.“He sent me away,” he said quietly.“To a camp.”

“Camp?What camp?Cas, come on,” he urged as he saw Cas’s head drop.“Please, talk to me.Your father sent you to a camp?”

“My father, and our pastor,” Cas explained.“They sent me to a special camp the school board recommended.A religious camp.After they caught me.”

“Caught you?”

“With another boy.”Cas was back to staring out the window.“There was a boy, at my old school.Bill.He was my friend, but…”

“He was more.”Dean tightened his hands on the steering wheel.“Were you in love with him?”

“I don’t know,” Cas replied.“I don’t think so?I was attracted to him, but I don’t think I was in love with him.He said he loved me.I enjoyed spending time with him.But sometimes?He, um, he made me uncomfortable.He would touch me, hold me more than I wanted him to.But I didn’t want to lose him as a friend, so I just let it go on.That encouraged him, I think, to push me farther.When they caught us, he had me in a closet.”

Dean’s knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.“What did he do to you, Cas?”

“Nothing too bad.He pulled me into a closet and shut the door.But I wasn’t comfortable being there.I’d told him that I wanted to leave.He wouldn’t let me go.He started kissing me.I tried to push him away.He pushed me down, laid on top of me and told me to stop.So I stopped.He was still pinning me down and kissing me when someone opened the door.”Cas rubbed at his mouth.“I didn’t want it, Dean, not really.I didn’t want him like that.But he was my friend.He was special to me.I let him do it.And I liked it.Well, I didn’t like it, not really.But it felt good.I, um, responded, you know?”He waved towards his waistline.“So when the teacher realized we were missing, came looking, and walked in on us?Saw the way Bill was on top of me, kissing me, and how I was responding?He assumed the worst.I don’t know what happened to Bill.”

I do, Dean thought, remembering what Luci had told him at the park.He was beaten by your brother, probably warned to never come near you again, just like Lucifer tried with me.You never knew, did you?Oh, Castiel, I’m so glad you never knew.But right now, I can’t decide if I’m upset or glad that it happened.

Cas was still talking“It was a big scandal.They couldn’t have homosexuality at their school.So the board voted to throw me out.Father was furious, of course.But the school board offered to help.They recommended a religious camp run by this doctor named Crowley to help me.”

“Help you.”Dean spat the words.“And how, exactly did they help you?”

Cas wouldn’t meet his eyes.“They kept me there for a few months.It was more like a boarding school than a camp.There were regular classes, so I didn’t fall behind in school.But that wasn’t the real focus.The point of the camp was never education.It was all about therapy.There was a lot of therapy, group and individual.Prayers, devotions.When I first got there, for the first week or so I thought I was the only kid there.Every day, they took me to this room, alone, to talk to three or four adult counselors.Well, more like they talked to me.They constantly told me that I’d sinned, that I should feel ashamed and want to change.And I was.I was so ashamed.I felt dirty every time I thought about Bill’s hands on me, or how he kissed me.I wanted so much to be normal, to not have those feelings, just so I wouldn’t feel so filthy and disgusting!”

“Once I reached that point, they moved me to a different area, where the other kids were.The therapy was different.We’d have group meetings.Each meeting focused on a different kid.He’d have to stand up and talk about what he’d done, why it was wrong.Then we’d all discuss how he could change.I thought it was good until it was my turn.I had to talk about Bill.Listen to everyone tell me how I never should have let him pull me into that closet.What happened there was my fault.”

“How the hell did they figure that?!”Dean decided he was glad Lucifer had beaten Bill.

“Deuteronomy 22 verses 26-27,” Cas explained.“‘But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing.There is in the damsel no sin worthy of death.For as when a man riseth against his neighbor, and slayeth him, even so is this matter.For he found her in the field, and the damsel cried, and there was none to save her.’It means if you’re forced, you’re blameless,” he went on, seeing Dean’s confused expression.  “If I had yelled, then I would have been seen as innocent no matter what he was doing to me.It would have been obvious I didn’t want it.They said, when I let him pin me down and I didn’t fight or call for help?I’d basically told him it was what I wanted.That it was my fault.”

“Oh, Cas, I’m so sorry!” Dean groaned.“I can’t imagine what was going through your head when I pulled you into the locker room that first time!”

“It’s alright.That wasn’t the worst part.”

“Ok?”Dean braced internally.

Cas took a deep breath.“They’d take me to the viewing room.Every morning, they gave me these pills.They said they were vitamins.But I always had trouble swallowing pills, Dean.I’d end up with an aftertaste.And on movie days, the aftertaste was different.”

“Movie days?”

Cas nodded.“Every other day, right after breakfast, they’d take me to this room.And they’d show me movies.”Cas swallowed hard.“Gay pornographic movies.I had to watch them, and one of the counselors would be with me.They would be praying that God would drive out the evil inside of me.I’d get so sick.I’d just throw up again and again until there was nothing left.By the third movie night, I was begging not to have to watch them.But they made me keep going until I was throwing up before the movie even started.They praised me for that.They said I was getting better, that the prayers were working.After that, they moved me to pictures, with the same results.Pretty soon, I was throwing up even when I hadn’t noticed that aftertaste.By the time I left the camp, I’d feel sick just thinking about being with another guy.And everyone said the prayers had worked, that I was cured.”

“Pray away the gay?”Dean growled.“That’s sick!Now I understand why you used to throw up every time I’d kiss you.Cas, what they did to you was no different than getting a dog to drool at the sound of a bell.They intentionally made you sick, and they blamed the porn!That’s not treatment, it’s torture!They tortured you!”

“I know,” Cas said miserably.“I know what they did to me.I’m not stupid, ok?I’m in the advanced classes.I know what behavior modification and Pavlovian conditioning is.I know that whole camp was designed to brainwash kids into believing they’re something that they’re not.But while I was there?It didn’t matter that I knew what they were doing to me.I had no way to protect myself.I was isolated and surrounded.Scared.Alone.All around me were people telling me how I should feel.  How I should think.I didn’t know what to think!I was so twisted and confused that I believed what I was being told, even though part of me knew I was just being brainwashed.But it worked, Dean!By the time I graduated from the camp, I could keep the unnatural desires and thoughts away using the prayers and techniques they taught me.”He paused.“At least I could until…”

“Until me.”

Cas nodded.“Today, when I was arguing with father, I slipped up, said I loved you.Father was going to lock me back in my room and call Dr. Crowley.Send me back to the camp.That’s why I ran away.Because he’ll send me back there.And they’ll brainwash me again!”Suddenly he was sobbing.“I can’t go back there, Dean!I can’t go through that again!I can’t!”

Dean swallowed hard.Now the reason for Castiel’s fear was open, and it was sickening.But Dean’s mind was fixated on one thing.Cas loved him.Dean reached for his hand.“Cas, you don’t have to do this.If you’re not ready, I get it.I would wait forever for you!But those people are wrong.No one chooses to be gay.No one wants to go through this shit, ok?When I go into the Marines after school, ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ means I’ll be going into the closet, just so I can serve my country.And unless I marry someone who happens to have a vagina?My spouse won’t have access to my benefits, my health insurance, my retirement, or any legal rights to me at all.If I can even marry that person!Because right now, Kansas says no.There doesn’t really seem to be any chance of that changing any time soon.My whole life is going to be fucked up for as long as I live it, just because of who I dare to fall in love with.Now you tell me, Cas.Who in their right mind would choose this?I’m not gay because I want to be.I’m gay because that’s who I am!Yeah, I’m lucky that most people I know understand and accept me, but not everyone does.We lost business at the store because of me.The only family we really have is my uncle.It took him years before he’d talk to me or have anything to do with us.What I am has hurt my family, but I cannot change that.I know what my heart wants, ok?I didn’t choose it, and I can’t change it.And right now, everything that my heart has ever longed for is sitting right next to me in this car.If that’s a sin?That’s a sin I’ll gladly go to Hell for.But you need to decide tonight exactly what it is you want.”

“I want to be with you.”

No hesitation.No uncertainty.Dean let out a deep breath and nodded.“Do you want me to take you home?”

“No.I’m past curfew.And I can’t go back there tonight.Maybe not ever again.”His hand moved up as if on its own, gently touching his bruised face.“Father told me when I ran away that if I left, I wouldn’t be welcomed back.”

Dean was shaking his head.“I’m never taking you back to your father, Cas.I was asking if you want to go home with me.”

“Alright.”Just like that.

“I love you,” Dean said.

And when, for the first time, Cas replied, “I love you, too,” Dean’s heart nearly burst.

***

The house was quiet when Dean pulled in.Sammy was pacing around in the living room.When he heard the Impala’s engine he raced outside, only to stop on the porch.He watched quietly as Dean came around to help Cas out of the car.But Cas was already out.He was stalking towards Sammy, fists clenched and face furious.Sammy never moved.He stood as he was, waiting patiently until Cas marched up and punched him right in the face.“Bastard!” Cas yelled.“How could you?!”

“I know,” Sammy groaned, picking himself back up.“There is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said about myself.I ruined Hannah’s life!”

“You did worse than that,” Cas spat.“You abandoned her!”

“I did at first,” Sammy admitted.“I was scared.I asked her what she was going to do, and I ran when she started crying.But I was never going to leave her, Cas!I was always going to do the right thing.I just had to think.Get my head straightened out so I could decide what to do.Once I did that, I tried to call her.When I didn’t hear back from her, I went to school today to try to find her and do the right thing.”

“The right thing?”

“I’d gone to the court house yesterday.I had paperwork for a marriage license.Yeah,” he continued when Cas looked sharply up at him.“I was going to marry her, help raise our kid.But she wasn’t at school today.So as soon as I realized she wasn’t there, I went to your house.”

“You were at the house?”Cas was frowning, not sure if he could believe Sammy or not.“Today?”

Sammy nodded.“It would have been shortly before noon.”

“Oh,” Cas said.“I was gone by then.What happened?”

Sam didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands.“I knocked on the door, told your dad I was the one who’d gotten her in trouble and I wanted to marry her.I wanted my baby, Cas!I was going to drop out of school and get a job, try to support them.But your dad threw me off the porch.”

“Why?” Cas demanded.“If you were going to marry her and raise her child, why would he do that?”

Sammy hung his head.“Because he thought I’d done it on purpose.He thought I just wanted her money.”He spread his hands.“He’d already sent her away, even before I showed up, because he’d already made his choice.I should have nutted up and done the right thing when she told me.But I didn’t.I ran away like a coward!Now she’s gone and my baby is gone and there’s nothing I can do.So if you want to hit me some more?I reckon you’ve got the right.”

“Cas?” Dean called.He’d kept his distance, watching the two.“You want to beat the shit out of my brother, I won’t stop you.But it won’t make this better.”

Cas looked at him.He looked back at Sammy.Then he reached out and pulled Sam into a hug.“I forgive you,” he whispered.

Sam’s body sagged. “Cas?”

“I forgive you,” Cas repeated, “because I understand.You’re broken inside, Sam.And now you’ve broken someone else and brought an innocent baby into your mess.”

Sam’s face twisted into a pained grimace.“Cas, I’m sorry!I...”

Sam had been trying to wrap his arms around Cas.But Cas suddenly pulled back.He pushed past the smaller boy and went into the house.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”Sammy’s voice sounded wrecked.“I’m so, so sorry!”

Dean grabbed Sammy’s shoulders and gave him a hard shake.“Don’t you go in there and cry in front of Castiel,” Dean warned.“Not after today!You get it together, and go to bed.And then tomorrow, you support him.He’s your best friend until he decides he wants nothing more to do with you.And by God, you’re going to act like it!So whatever he needs, punching bag, sounding board, scapegoat, whatever, you give it to him!”

“I will.”Sammy pulled away and wiped angrily at his eyes.“I love him, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.But now it’s time to prove it.”

Dean saw him straighten his shoulders.Then he paused.“Take good care of him, Dean.”

“I will.”

Sammy headed inside.Dean took a moment to compose himself before heading to his own room.

Cas was sitting cross-legged on Dean’s bed.His arms were wrapped defensively around himself.He rocked slightly, his quick breaths growing even quicker when Dean closed and locked his door.Mistake.Dean had only wanted to ensure their privacy, but at the sound of the lock clicking, Cas jumped.“Don’t hurt me,” he pleaded.

“I would never.”He sat next to Cas on the bed and pulled him close.“It’s ok.I can just hold you so you feel safe, or you can leave.You don’t have to do anything.”

“I want to.I’m tired of this, Dean.I’m sick of not being able to be who I really am.I want this.Now.With you.”

Dean tightened his grip.“Are you sure, angel?I don’t want you to do something because you’re upset that you’ll regret later.”

“Dean, I need this!” Cas’s voice sounded almost desperate.“Please!This is the only way I can finally let myself be who I really am.If you don’t help me tonight, I will go right back into my closet and I might never, ever come out again!”

“Then I’ll help you.”Dean pulled him in, kissed him hungrily.Cas kissed him back.How wonderful that they could do this, that he could kiss Castiel like this, without him throwing up.At long last, they’d finally broken through the training from that terrible camp.

Cas’s hands curled, clutching at Dean’s shirt.He was still shaking.But Dean had realized that it wasn’t fear making Cas’s body tremble.He looked down, saw the longing, the need in those beautiful blue eyes.Alright.“Do you want me?” he offered.“Would that be easier, for your first time?”

Cas was finally starting to relax, leaning into Dean’s embrace.“I want you to take care of me.”

“Then I will.I’ll make it good, I swear it.Trust me?”

“I trust you.”His arms moved, going around Dean.“You called me an angel.Teach me to fly, Dean?”

“I will.”

Dean’s hands moved, quickly pulling off both of their clothes.Naked, Castiel was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.Dean kissed his lips.He licked and sucked at Cas’s neck, at each nipple.He kissed down Cas’s chest, following the trail of hair down.When he put the first gentle kiss here, the sound Cas made was enough to drive him insane.If he’d had his druthers, Dean would keep Cas here so he could draw that sound out of him forever.

“Dean!Please!”

“I’ve got you, angel.”Dean tore himself away to worship the rest of Cas’s body.He ran his hands back up the lean torso.Traced his fingers down each arm to press a kiss to the pulse points on his wrists.Then he moved down his lover’s body again.His tongue flicked a teasing lick before moving to his legs.Cas was ticklish just behind his knees.Dean enjoyed that, tracing his fingers over the soft skin and smiling as Cas squirmed and whimpered and finally hit him with a pillow.Dean laughed.He left the back of Cas’s knees alone, but he refused to hurry.Now more than ever he knew he loved Castiel.He would teach his angel to fly.Cas deserved the best Dean could do.Anything less was unacceptable.

Beneath his skilled hands, Cas was coming undone.A sheen of sweat covered him.His face was flushed.Seeing Cas biting his lip, Dean quickly reached up and pulled it out of his teeth.“No,” he scolded.Then he leaned over Cas to kiss him.

Cas immediately returned the kiss.Dean let his weight rest on the other boy, pressing Cas down into the bed, and heard him gasp.“My back!”

Dean’s hands went to Cas’s back, felt the bandages, the swelling marks.Dear god, what had happened?!No.Not now.Cas needed him now.Just be careful, and ask questions later.Fortunately, Dean liked pillows.There were several in his bed.He eased Cas’s injured back onto one.Then he took another pillow, doubled it, and positioned it just beneath Cas’s hips.He’d have to be careful not to let his weight rest on him, but for now, Cas was comfortable.

Dean had moved between Cas’s legs.Now their lengths were rubbing together.Dean smiled, continued to kiss Cas, and moved just so, producing the best kind of friction.Cas gave a little cry.His hands flew up, scratched at Dean’s back.Dean hissed.He caught Cas’s hands, intwining their fingers together, and pressed them down on the bed.Cas tried to pull free, but Dean refused to let him go.He moved instead.That brought a little moan from Cas.His hips rose, seeking more friction.“Someone’s greedy!”

“More, please, more!”

Dean gave him more.Cas’s legs kicked.His head fell back, exposing his throat.Dean immediately went after it, sucking and licking and kissing at the skin.The neck of a male was a wonderful thing.Dean lathed his tongue over the skin beneath Cas’s chin, feeling the rough stubble.Then he moved down and to the side, feeling the point where the skin became soft and smooth.It had always been one of Dean’s favorite things about sex with another guy.But of course, there were other things that made it good.He ground his hips down, increasing the pressure.Cas writhed in response.Pinned, he could do little else.His eyes were dark.His face flushed.“Please, Dean!Please!”

Dean let him beg a bit more.He drank Cas in with his eyes, reveling in the desperate need.He’d never had a lover so responsive.Cas’s eyes were closed, the lashes still wet with tears.Dean groaned.“My god, Castiel, I have never seen anything so gorgeous as you!”

The eyes opened, pleaded with him, and Dean couldn’t wait any longer.His hand fumbled in the drawer of his bedside stand, found the lube and condoms.Condom on, lubed up.His thumb gently pressed more lube against Cas’s hole.Cas immediately spread his legs wide, holding onto them to pull his knees up and out, allowing access.It created a breathtaking display.Dean took a moment to enjoy.Then he leaned over Cas.“You ready, angel?”

“Yes, please!I want you inside me, please, Dean!”

“Ok.I need you to relax for me.I won’t push you.Let me in at your own pace.I’ll go slow.When you’re ready for me to move, you say the word.”

Cas nodded.

Dean lined up carefully and began to slowly, gently push inside.He’d been afraid Cas would be tense, that he might resist being penetrated.But he wasn’t.Cas opened beautifully for him.He moaned a little at the intrusion, the burn.Dean immediately stilled, letting Cas adjust.He didn’t move again until Cas looked at him and nodded.This was how Dean liked it.Slowly, gently.In a bit more, then back out, more lube if needed, press in again.Inch by careful inch.Then he was finally, finally seated fully inside of Cas.It was everything Dean could have asked for.“So tight for me, Cas!You feel so good!”

“Move, Dean!Please!”

Dean moved.He started slow, letting Cas get used to it.Then he increased his speed.Once again, Cas was amazingly responsive, but he was wincing.Hard to keep weight off of his back like this.Dean carefully turned him until he was lying on his side.He caught one of Cas’s legs, put one arm behind the leg.The other went over Cas’s lower shoulder around his neck.He laced the fingers of both hands together.That held Cas in place while his hips pistoned.The angle was perfect.Cas gave a cry and squirmed as Dean started pounding his prostate.Dean smiled and tightened his grip.He held tight to Cas, letting his lover thrash for a bit.Dean craned his neck forward, licked at Cas’s lips.Cas immediately turned his head, offering his mouth wordlessly.Dean accepted.His tongue speared into Cas’s mouth, mimicking the thrusting of his hips.Cas’s whimpers and moans were doing nearly as much towards driving Dean to the edge as the sensations.Cas suddenly pulled his face away.“Dean!” he gasped.“I…I’m…!”

Dean growled low in his throat and thrust hard.He pounded deep into Cas.His lover cried out, thrashed wildly in his arms.Then something hot splashed against Dean’s arm.He’d succeeded, the first time he’d had sex with Cas, in making Cas come from penetration.The thought was more than enough to trip him over the edge.He caught Cas by the throat.Turned his head so he could reclaim his mouth just as he came.

Cas gave a little moan.Dean let his leg go and wrapped one arm around his waist.He gently pulled out.Then he pulled Cas close against his chest.His other hand still held Cas’s throat, keeping his mouth in easy access.“Did you fly, angel?”

“Yes.”Even Cas’s voice sounded wrecked.His body was trembling again, this time with exertion.Beneath Dean’s hand, he could feel the rapid pulse.Otherwise he was still.He let Dean arrange him to his liking.

Dean disposed of the condom, carefully wiped them both off.Then he wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and held him so tightly he restricted Cas’s breathing a bit.The bandages were troublesome.Not now.Now, he needed to focus on Cas.“Cas, tell me the truth,” he pleaded.“Are you alright?Really alright?  Was this the right thing to do?”

“I cannot remember ever feeling more at peace with myself than I do right now,” Cas whispered sleepily.“You didn’t hurt me tonight, Dean.You set me free.Thank you.”

Dean kissed him again.“Marry me,” he blurted without thinking.

Cas’s eyes went wide.“We can’t do that,” he said, sounding like Dean was a simpleton.“I love you, but this is all we can have!That’s why I wanted it, Dean.I wanted it with you.”

“You can have it, you can have me, whenever you want,” Dean vowed.“Cas, I don’t care if it’s legal.We don’t need a piece of paper to belong to each other.When you’re 18 and I get leave from the Marines, I’m going to come back and marry you.We’ll have a little ceremony, people who can witness it.It won’t be legal, or sanctioned by any church.But it will be true.I’ll make you mine.And no one, no one is ever going to take you away from me!”

Those eyes.Blue and wide and suddenly wet once again with tears.“Promise?”

“I promise!I swear it, Castiel.You’ll be mine forever, even if I get thrown out of the Marines and never become a cop because of it!”

“No!I’ll be yours, Dean, but I can wait.Come back to me.I would wait forever for you.But finish your time in the Marines.Become a police officer.That’s your dream.I want you to have it.I’ll wait for you, as long as it takes.”

“What did I do?” Dean marveled.“What the hell did I ever do, that I deserve you?”

“You loved me,” Cas said.Then he turned, curled up into Dean’s chest, and closed his eyes.


	37. Abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters hear Castiel's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking my brother out tomorrow for veterans day, so have an early update.
> 
> TW for past abuse, threats of gun violence.
> 
> MistyEyes picked "Snow Patrol" by Chasing Cars for the start of this chapter

Dean woke with his lover in his arms.Cas was curled into him.He was still asleep.His head was tucked under Dean’s chin.Dean reached up, meaning to gently stroke Cas’s back.He frowned as his fingers encountered the bandages.

Cas didn’t wake up.He stayed as he was, on his side pressed against Dean’s chest.He was beautiful, but broken.Dean frowned again and raised himself up.He looked at the bruises on Cas’s face.His side.His arms.Of course.How could he have forgotten Cas’s injuries?Now in the morning light, Cas’s naked body displayed what he’d gone through.Fingertips left clear marks on Cas’s arms and wrists.His face was bruised.His side bore a painful looking bruise.And his back…?

Dean stopped breathing.He raised himself on one arm, looking hard at Castiel’s back.After being soaked in rain and sweat, the tape holding the bandages was loose.Reaching over, he carefully peeled off the bandages.Somehow, he managed to do it without waking his lover.Now he could see the full expanse of Castiel’s back.The smooth skin was covered in welts.Where the bandages had been, the skin had scabs.It had broken open under the force of blows.But what had caused these?Long, angry welts crisscrossed across Cas’s back.They covered more bruises.But the bruises weren’t all the same age.Whatever had happened, it had been happening for some time.Then there were the scars.Long, thin scars.Scars that looked like older versions of the cuts Castiel now sported.

“What the fuck?” Dean muttered under his breath.He’d already guessed that yesterday wasn’t the first time Cas was beaten.But these cuts, and the thin scars, weren’t caused by a human hand.Dean couldn’t figure out what might have caused them.

Dean looked closer, his eyes following a line of the wider welts.This hadn’t been caused by a human hand, either.In fact, the size and shape looked almost like…

Dean’s eyes fell on the chair at his desk.Carefully getting up, he moved to the chair and picked up the belt that hung there.Moving back to Cas, he held up the belt, comparing it to the wide welts on his back.They matched.“Oh my god,” he moaned.“Oh god, Cas, he’s been beating you with a belt?!”

Cas’s eyes opened.He quickly rolled over, hiding the marks.Then his eyes fell on the belt in Dean’s hand.Cas gave a little cry and crab crawled backwards.“No!Don’t hurt me, Dean!”

Dean froze, wounded beyond his wildest dreams.“I would never!” he said simply.“I would never hurt you, Cas.This?”He threw the belt angrily into a corner.“I just wanted to know what caused those marks.I never would raise a hand to you, much less hit you with anything!”

“I know.”Cas sounded absolutely broken.He’d curled into a defensive ball.“I’m sorry.”

Dean dared to move closer.“The new cuts, and those scars?They weren’t caused by a belt.”

“No.That was the switch.”

Shock, horror, and outrage suddenly choked Dean.He couldn’t speak.He couldn’t breathe.All he could do was pull Cas closer, gather him protectively into his arms.

“It’s ok, Dean!” Cas called frantically, wiping at Dean’s face.“Don’t cry!He beat me, but that’s over, right?He threw me out!He can’t take me back, can he?He can’t make me go to that camp?”

“No,” Dean snarled.His arms tightened possessively around Cas, careful to avoid the worst of his injuries.“No, he won’t touch you.I’ll fucking blow his brains out if he tries it!”

“Dean!Please, can’t you just hold me?”

Dean had so much to say.He bottled it all up.Cas didn’t need his anger now.He needed to feel loved, safe.That was Dean’s job now.He’d do it.

For a long time, they just stayed where they were.Dean wrapped the blankets around them both.They clung to each other, blue eyes gazing into green, just enjoying this quiet moment together.The sun slowly crawled across the bed as the morning passed in silence.For now, everything else ceased to exist.There was no camp.No horrible excuse for a father.No police.There was no one to harm them.Later, they would face all of those things and more.But they would face them together.And right now, there was nothing.Nothing but soft, gentle breaths, comforting hands, loving looks, and each other, wrapped in a cocoon of love, warmth, and safety.

Then, a commotion downstairs.“Oh Lucy, I’m home!”

“Oh my god,” Dean breathed.“Dad!”

Giving his lover another kiss, Dean got out of bed.He quickly threw some clothes on, tossing more at Castiel.“They won’t fit,” he warned.“My clothes are too big for you.But it’ll do until we figure something out.”

“Alright.”Already Cas was dressing.He seemed amused at how Dean’s clothes hung from his smaller frame.Dean had given him a pair of sweat pants.Cas was pulling the string tight around his waist to keep them from falling down.

“Diet time,” Dean sighed dramatically, patting his flat stomach.

Cas swatted him.“Go.See your dad.”

Dean kissed Cas again.Then he was running out, nearly bowling Sammy over to throw himself into his father’s arms.“Dad!” he breathed, nearly dizzy with relief.“I’m so glad you’re back.So much has happened!”

***

The sounds of Sammy throwing up were all Dean could hear.Part of Dean wanted to join his brother.But he didn’t move.He stayed as he was, holding his boyfriend’s hand while his father looked long at the marks on Castiel’s back.John’s face was like stone.“You said this was a belt and a switch?”

“Yes,” Castiel said quietly.“It would have just been the belt if I hadn’t fought.The switch is only for the worst offenses, or when we fight back against being punished.”His head lowered.“This isn’t the worst I’ve had.”

“Then why don’t you put your shirt back on,” John suggested, “sit down, and tell me about the worst you’ve had?”

Cas quickly pulled on his shirt.John got up and put a steaming cup of coffee in Cas’s hand.He mussed Sammy’s hair as his youngest son returned, shame-faced, from the bathroom.Dean had already forgotten his irritation about Sam not telling him his father was coming home.Now he was just glad he was there for Cas.Sam moved to Cas’s other side, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder.John sat near them, facing Cas, and waited.

Cas seemed in no hurry to tell the story.He spoke slowly, over multiple sips of his coffee.It all came out.Cas’s understanding that his feelings were different than what was expected.Being caught in the closet with Bill.Expulsion from the private Christian school.The beating.Dean listened to Cas talking quietly about how his father had bound him to his bed so he could freely beat him with a switch and wanted to throw something.He wanted to scream, to curse the sheer injustice of it.Zachariah Novak had beaten his youngest son with a switch so badly that he’d shredded the skin of Castiel’s back.Now it was covered with the long, narrow scars.Cas explained that beatings with the switch had only happened three times, including this most recent.Nothing had ever compared with the severity of the beating he’d received after being caught with Bill.But the beatings with a belt were far more frequent, and for far less severe transgressions.John listened to it all.His eyes flicked to Sammy when he heard the story about how Cas had caught him climbing out of Hannah’s bedroom.They widened when Cas described Sam’s visit, when they’d both been locked in Cas’s room.He listened to Dean explain why it had been Sam, not Dean, who had been allowed in the house and Dean’s encounter with Zach.He heard about Hannah’s pregnancy.Then he had Sammy explain how he’d planned to marry Hannah and had gone to the Novak household.He listened quietly to Sam telling him how Zach had reacted.And he remained quiet when Dean told him about searching for Cas and bringing him home.

“So that man, Zachariah Novak, didn’t just hurt his own?He also put his hands on both of my boys?” John asked.His voice was low and dangerous.

“Yes, sir,” Dean responded with Sam.

John’s eyes moved to Castiel.“And Cas, he told you if you left, you’d be kicked out?”

Cas only nodded.

John nodded.“Fine.You want to bunk with Sammy, with Dean, or would you feel more comfortable if they went together and you had your own room?”

Cas’s head shot up.He looked hard at John, as though he expected the man to start laughing and announce his joke.When it didn’t happen, his eyes went wide.“You want to… to keep me?”

“You want to stay?I can call your father right now.I was planning to call him anyway.May as well get it over with.”

Cas’s body shook.He looked around, eyes wide, seeking escape.Dean was immediately up, ready to pull him in.But John was up too, and held Dean back.John pulled Cas out of his chair.Then he sat back down, pulling the resisting teen into his lap to wrap his arms around him.“Castiel, I can only imagine what you’re thinking right now,” he said softly.“This is so much for a kid your age!But you are here now, with me.You’re safe.I will keep you safe.I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that worthless piece of shit that sired you never puts his hands on you again!But I need to go about this the right way.I need to call him, try to talk like men.Because if I just keep you?Then it’s kidnapping, and the law’s on his side.”

Cas’s breathing was rapid.He shoved at John’s arms.“I can’t!” he gasped.“I can’t let him take me back!”

“Then trust me.”John Winchester tightened his arms around Cas.“Castiel, you were here for my boys when I couldn’t be.You’re part of my family.And that bastard beat you and threw you out?Far as I’m concerned, you’re my son now, not his.And by God, I will fight for you.I promise you that!”

“You can’t!”Cas was struggling, twisting his body to try to break free.“You can’t, I’m his favorite, he’ll want me again!He’ll take me back.He’s too powerful!He’s got money, lawyers…”

“He’d better!” John growled.“Because if that bastard tries to fuck with me?I will report him for what he did to you, and press charges for what he did to Sam and Dean.Then Family Services will be involved, he’ll lose all four of his kids, and his ass will go to jail where it belongs!Only reason I’m not on the phone right now is because I can’t be sure I’d get to keep you.I just got out of prison.I’m on probation.That’s also the only reason I’m not heading over there right now to beat the shit out of that monster!”

“Let me go!You can’t do this!”

Cas was still struggling.But John was strong.He held the terrified teen tightly, shushing him, rocking him gently from side to side.“It’s ok,” he soothed.“It’s alright, son.I’ve got you.I’m here.And I promise you, one way or another, that bastard will never touch you again.”

Cas’s struggles eased.His breathing calmed.Finally, he leaned against John and began to softly cry.John kept rocking, holding him tightly.“Dean?” he called.“Take your brother and go in the other room, would you please?Let me have some time here.”

Sam and Dean immediately headed out into the living room.Sam sat down, watching as Dean paced.“Can he do it?” Sam asked finally.“Can dad really keep Cas?”

“He thinks he can,” Dean reminded.“We both know dad’s not the man to fuck with.If he wants Cas, my money’s on him.”

“I would so love to see dad punch Zachariah Novak right in his fat face,” Sammy sighed.

“I’d love to do it myself!But dad’s right.We need to tread lightly here.Novak’s got a lot of money and he is Cas’s father, while dad just got out of jail.”

“Grice said because I’m 16 I can choose where I want to live,” Sammy reminded.“Cas is 16!That means he can choose, too!”

“But dad isn’t family,” Dean reminded.“You had a member of your immediate family that’s a legal adult.I think dad’s right.If he calls Family Services, they’ll take Cas away and we might never see him again.Honestly?I don’t think Cas would survive that, Sammy.”

“I don’t either.”Sammy curled up on himself.His eyes were troubled.“Dean, how did he survive?All that abuse, all that pain?How the hell did Cas survive all that?”

“He’s strong,” Dean said.“Far stronger than he knows.If Castiel Novak ever understands just how strong he really is?Then no one will ever be able to hurt him again.”

“I love him,” Sam announced.“I love him!Cas is my brother.I want to keep him, Dean!I want him to live with us!”

“We’re keeping him,” Dean vowed.“Even if we have to move to Mexico to do it.You can show all three of us that Mexican hat dance.”

It worked to get a smile and a small chuckle out of Sammy.

After what felt like hours, John came out of the kitchen.His arm was around Castiel, who was clinging to him like a blue-eyed tick.“I called Zach Novak,” John announced.“He’s coming over to talk.Sammy, I want you to wait in the kitchen with Cas.Dean?You stay with me.”

***

Dean bristled when the Novaks’ car pulled into their driveway and he spotted Lucifer and Balthazar in the back seat.They piled out with their father, flanking the man as he stepped up to meet John Winchester.“Thank you for finding my son,” Zach announced.“I’ll be taking him home now.”

“No, actually, you won’t.”John’s voice was calm and pleasant.

Novak frowned.“I certainly hope you’re not planning on standing between a man and his son?”

“No,” John replied, still calm and pleasant.“I’m standing between a terrified, traumatized child and the piece of maggot-infested dog shit that beat the hell out of him and then let him run away into the cold.And you’re not taking him back.”

“How dare you?!Castiel!” Zach yelled.“Get out here, now!We’re leaving!”

John gave him a flat stare.“Are you serious right now?He’s not coming out here, and you’re certainly not going into my house to get him.”

“That is my son!You have no right to keep him from me!”

“All day, and all night,” John reminded.“He was gone all that time, clear through to this morning, and you didn’t even know he was gone when I called you!You had no idea where he was, did you, Novak?You know it went down to the 40’s last night?If Dean hadn’t gone looking and found him, Castiel would have frozen to death!Did you even bother to go looking for him?”

Zach moved closer, getting into John’s space.“Don’t presume to tell me how to raise my children, Winchester.I don’t need parenting advice from a drunk who just got out of prison!”

“I’m not telling you how to raise your children.I’m telling you you’re done raising this one.”John wasn’t even slightly intimidated.“The only reason we’re having this conversation is because I feel it’s your right to know what’s happening with your son.Castiel’s moving in with me and my boys.You don’t have to do a thing.I won’t ask you to sign any papers so long as you don’t interfere in his life from this point forward.Leave him alone, I’ll leave you alone.But so help me.If you ever put so much as a finger on Castiel or any of my boys again?I will end you.”

Zachariah straightened.“Did you just threaten me?!”

“Your biggest concern right now is if I threatened you?That boy has been beaten, and it’s not the first time.I saw the scars on his back!” John accused, finally showing some emotion.“I heard all about that so-called ‘camp’ you sent him to before and want to send him to again.It’s not happening!Now, you already told Cas that if he left, he was gone for good.Fine.He’s gone, and he’s staying with me.”

“You miserable drunken freak!” Zach yelled.“You have no right!I am taking my son, and I’m taking him right now.And if you try to keep him from me, I’ll have the police here!”

“Go ahead!”John pulled out his cell phone and handed it to Zach.“You go right ahead.The number’s already in.All you have to do is press the button.You call the police out here, asshole, and let them take a good look at all three of your boys.Because I’m willing to bet that the two behind you have a lot of the same marks that Castiel does.Don’t they?”

The faces of Lucifer and Balthazar suddenly paled.Zachariah faltered.“I am their father.I’m free to discipline my children as I see fit!”

“Let’s just see what the law has to stay about that, shall we?Go ahead, Novak.Press the button.Or should I do it?”

Zachariah’s face was rosy red as he faced off with John.John’s cheeks were flushed in anger, but his jaw was set.His finger hovered over the button on the cell phone.Dean saw Luci and Balth exchange looks.All of their cockiness was gone now.

“What kind of life can you even offer him?” Zach asked at last.“What will my son be to you, if he stays here?”

“I’ll raise him like my own,” John promised.His eyes moved, resting on Lucifer and Balthazar.“Not sure how old the two of you are, but you boys are welcome to stay here, too, especially if he’s beating on you the way he is your brother!”

“Don’t you speak to my sons!”

“You put your fucking hands on my boys!” John roared, suddenly transforming from controlled anger to near-homicidal fury.“You shoved Dean and tried to kick him!You threw Sammy off your porch!Now you have the balls to tell me not to talk to your sons?!”And just like that, John was back in control.“You two boys have a place here if you need it,” John offered calmly.“You don’t have to decide anything now, but the door’s open.All you have to do is knock.”

If Dean hadn’t seen it before, used to intimidate rowdy, drunken hunters into compliance, he might have been every bit as shocked as the Novaks.Still, he recognized the set of his father’s jaw.John Winchester, beneath his iron control, was actually furious.Zach Novak needed to watch where he stepped.

Apparently, Zach knew it.Dean saw him reconsider, give John a quick assessment.The man’s eyes rested for a long moment on Dean.“Castiel will become the house entertainment if I leave him here,” he predicted.“It’s a house of sin!”

“Call Family Services if you’re worried,” John offered.“Have them come out here.I’m sure Castiel’s got a lot to talk to them about.”

That was the last thing Zachariah wanted.His eyes narrowed, his lips drew back in a sneer.“Fine!Take him, then.I came out here to give that boy one last chance.If he’s choosing to live this life in sin with you?Then I’ll follow the words of God from Matthew 27 verse 24!”He raised his hands.“When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, ‘I am innocent of the blood of this just person.See ye to it.’So see ye to it, Winchester.”He turned on his heel, nose in the air.“Lucifer, Balthazar, get in the car.We’re leaving here.”

“You want to just leave Cas’s things out, I’ll come by and pick them up,” John called.

“You will do no such thing!My son’s belongings are mine to dispose of as I see fit.You want to take on the burden of raising Castiel?Take it on fully!”

“Oh, come on!” Dean yelled.“He needs his clothes!”

“Dean?” John called quietly, watching the three climb into the car.“Enough.I’ll handle it.”He waited until the car was out of sight.Then he headed back in.When he abruptly stopped, Dean ran into him.But his father didn’t move.Instead, he shoved Dean roughly to the side.

Dean barely kept from falling.He looked up in surprise, mouth opened to ask his father what was wrong.But John wasn’t looking at him.“Sammy?” John called.“Put it down, baby boy.It’s alright.”

Dean peered around his father and was shocked to see his brother leveling a shotgun in their direction.Sam’s face was white.“I heard him call for Cas,” he explained weakly.“I thought he’d come in, try to take him!”

John casually stepped forward, pushed the barrel down, and pulled the weapon from his son’s hands.“It’s ok,” he soothed.“He’s gone.Cas is safe.”He handed the weapon to Dean and tightly hugged Sammy.“Where is he?”

“When his dad yelled, he just fell down.So I dragged him into the bathroom, pushed him down in the shower, and I got the gun.He’s still in the shower, dad.He’s so scared!”

Dean quickly unloaded the weapon, seeing it was fully loaded.Sammy had been serious.He looked sadly at his brother.

Sammy was shaking in his father’s arms.“I’m sorry.But I couldn’t let him hurt Cas again!”

“I know, baby boy.I know.Dean, put that away while I get Cas out of the bathroom.I think everyone just needs to sit down and catch their breath.”


	38. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally safe, Castiel enjoys Thanksgiving with the Winchesters.

Thanksgiving dinner.First one without their mom.Dean had a lump in his throat as he started preparing food.Still, he knew he had a lot to be thankful for.

The one thing that had worried Dean was the turkey.He’d always helped out with the meal, but his mother had been the only one to deal with the turkey.Everyone had been surprised when Castiel immediately announced he would take over the turkey.He’d even turned up his nose at the store-bought stuffing, insisting on making his own from scratch.Then he’d gone out to the store, braving the crowds to buy whatever it was he thought he needed to bake the perfect turkey.

Dean was worried.Sam was worried.But their dad only smiled and encouraged Castiel, even as he’d insisted on drowning their poor bird overnight in some odd mixture of water, salt, and mystery spices.

Cas had taken his role as chief turkey maker seriously.He’d set his alarm and was up early, rubbing God only knew what into the meat.He’d carefully cut bread apart, adding eggs and various other ingredients to make stuffing.Then he’d rolled up his sleeves and stuffed the bird full to bursting.But the oddest thing he did was taking an old cheesecloth, coating it liberally with butter, and throwing it over the bird just before putting it in the oven.

Dean watched uneasily as the cheesecloth turned darker and darker in the oven.He swallowed hard.“Dad?What happens if it catches on fire?”

“The fire extinguisher is right there, Dean,” John said, clearly not worried.John had only come into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and hadn’t even glanced at the oven.“Grab it and go.”

“You know he’s not even watching it, right?” Dean pointed out.“He just comes in here when his alarm goes off and bastes!How’s he even going to know if it catches fire?”

John laughed, clapping his worried son on the shoulder.“Have a little faith, Dean.Cas says he knows what he’s doing.Believe him!”

Dean tried to have faith.Unfortunately, that didn’t change the fact that the cheesecloth was the color and consistency of charcoal when Castiel finally pulled the bird from the oven.

“We have spam in the cupboard in case of emergency,” Sam whispered, watching from the doorway as a humming Cas admired his cremated creation.Cas was wearing another set of Dean’s sweat pants, an old Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and an apron that read “Kiss the Cook.”Dean had already taken multiple opportunities to comply, ignoring the gagging sounds Sam made.

“Thanksgiving spam?”Dean gave a little groan.“Shoot me now.”

In the kitchen, Cas either didn’t hear them or was ignoring them.He’d taken a pair of tongs and was carefully peeling off the burned cloth.

Beneath it, a golden-brown turkey glistened.

“Holy shit!”Sammy came in, ogling the turkey.“It actually looks good!”

Dean quickly ducked back out before Cas turned around and busied himself setting up the table.

“I’m telling you, Sam, I am amazing at turkey,” Cas was insisting from the kitchen.

“I’ll reserve judgment until we taste it.”

“Your confidence is inspiring, Sam.”

“Cas, you tried to cook dinner last night and messed up macaroni and cheese!You’re the worst cook I’ve ever seen in my life!”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“The top was cement and the bottom was still cold.It was like trying to eat snot!”

“Fine, I will admit that I am challenged when it comes to certain dishes…”

“And shall we talk about your meatloaf you made to go with it?Thank God we had TV dinners!Whatever possessed you to try to make meatloaf out of frozen fish sticks?”

“I was trying something new!”

“Don’t!I want to live at least until adulthood, Cas!”

“You guys eat bugs!”

“They’re grubs.There’s a difference.And we know how to cook them properly.If you ever cooked them, they’d probably end up pupating, mutate, and we’d have giant bugs crawling all over the kitchen trying to bite our legs off.”

“Sam, you have no room to talk,” Dean complained loudly from the dining room.“I still remember that casserole you made around Halloween.And so does my stomach!That was the scariest thing the whole night!”

“Ah, but I never claimed I knew how to cook.I just got hungry and you were busy.”

“So you decided to give us both ptomaine poisoning?”

Sammy scowled as Cas laughed.“I am waiting for you to try making a casserole, Novak!”

“It will never happen.None the less, I am a champion turkey baker.”

“Oh bless your soul, Cas,” Sam sighed.He followed Castiel as the other boy carried his turkey into the dining room.

“I am!Matthew 8 verse 26.And he saith unto them, why are ye fearful, oh ye of little faith?  Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.”

Sam tried to snag a bit of pastry.Dean slapped his hand.Sam scowled, moving back to hover near Cas.“Great.Get Jesus to come and create a great calm in my intestines after this, and I’ll enter a monastery and become a monk.Although you already sound like one.How the hell can anyone know so many Bible verses?”

“I got most of my education in private Christian schools, Sam,” Cas explained, carefully setting the platter with the turkey on the table.“Father spent a lot of time with us at home, helping us memorize Bible verses.We didn’t learn all the begats, and I wouldn’t begin to stay I know the whole Bible, but I know a lot of it.”

“It’s seriously impressive and really fucking annoying at the same time.”

“Samuel!” John yelled from the living room.“Do not drop f bombs on Thanksgiving!”

“Sorry!”

Dean smiled.“Dinner’s ready!”

There was a rush to the table.Dean had abandoned his seat, moving to take the chair that his mother once occupied across from his father.Cas sat in Dean’s old seat.He looked so much like he belonged there that it made Dean’s heart soar.

John smiled and held out his hands.Sammy took one, Cas tentatively took the other.Dean took their hands to complete the circle.Then they bowed their heads.Dean could sense Cas’s surprise when John started saying the blessing.But when it was finished and Dean looked up at him, it was to see a wide, soft smile on the other boy’s lips.“We’re Christians, Cas,” Dean explained.“We don’t go to church because none of them around here will have me.But that doesn’t mean we don’t still believe.”

“Cas, this turkey looks amazing!” John complimented.Cas beamed.

“The proof of the pudding is under the crust,” Sam called, still not yet willing to admit he might have been wrong.

“Then let’s find out!”John happily carved the turkey, passing out portions around the table.It appeared to be perfectly cooked, steaming and juicy.Sam scowled again.

Dean bit into a piece and nearly melted.“Oh my god, Castiel,” he moaned.“I want to marry you just for your turkey baking skills!”

“Wow!” John agreed.“That is the best turkey I have ever tasted in my life!”

“Oh come on!” Sam complained, poking at his turkey.“It can’t be that good!”He put a piece into his mouth.His eyes widened.Sam chewed, swallowed, and pointed at his friend.“If my jerk brother doesn’t marry you?I just might!”

“No chance, bitch!”

“Great job, Castiel!”

Cas was smiling, obviously pleased with himself.But he looked confused.His eyes were moving between all three Winchesters until they finally paused, looking at him.“Do I have permission to speak at the table?” he asked quietly.

John cleared his throat, breaking the sudden awkward silence.“Castiel, you have permission to talk at the table or anywhere else.You don’t need permission to speak.This isn’t the kind of house where children are expected to be seen and not heard.Now for heaven’s sake, eat!You don’t have to wait until anyone else eats, either.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Dean soothed, reaching for his hand.“I’m betting you have a lot of stupid habits that Zach beat into you that you don’t know yet are stupid.This isn’t any shame on you.It’s shame on him.”

“Damned right,” John growled.“Castiel, I want you to feel free to ask me any questions you want to know.Anything at all.You won’t be punished for asking questions in this house.”

Cas shifted.

“What is it, Cas?” John asked patiently.

“What are we going to do about clothes?” Cas asked quietly.“I can’t keep wearing Dean’s, but I doubt I’ll be able to get my money out of my account.And I can’t ask you to splurge on a whole new wardrobe for me!”

“That is a problem,” John agreed.“One I’ve been thinking about, actually.”He carefully chewed another bite of turkey, washing it down with apple cider.“Do you have any idea what your father might do with your clothes, Cas?”

“Probably throw them out,” Cas said sadly.Dean winced at the pain in his lover’s voice.“Juanita and Martin were already throwing out everything in Hannah’s room when I ran away.Now he’s thrown me out, too?My clothes are probably already sitting on the curb for the trash.”

“Not today,” John grunted.“Today’s Thanksgiving, so the usual Thursday trash pick-up won’t be until tomorrow.Dean?You got a number for your friend Joe?”

“Sure,” Dean said, puzzled.

“Soon as we’re finished with dinner, give him a ring,” John ordered.“I’d like a word with his father.”

***

Joe seemed to enjoy hanging off of the truck as it lumbered down the street.Dean was clinging for dear life.“This sounded like a lot more fun than it actually is,” he complained.

Joe scoffed.Then he actually swung a bit, his rear moving over the open street as the truck took a turn.“Wee!Come on, Dean!Live a little!”

“Yeah, I think I’ll just keep living, thanks.”

The garbage truck had been making its way through block after block.Adam, Joe’s father, was driving.He’d pull over and Joe and Dean would jump down, throw the waiting trash into the truck, and jump back on again for a ride to the next curb.It was hard work.Dean appreciated the way his muscles were already sore.Adam was paying him fair wage for this, having given his usual collectors the day off to enjoy the holiday with their families.But of course, Dean wasn’t really doing this for the money.

Sure enough, a large collection of bags was waiting at the curb in front of the Novak house.Dean and Joe jumped down once Adam slowed the garbage truck.Dean immediately tore into one of the bags and smiled.“Jackpot!It’s Cas’s clothes!”

“Your dad’s a smart one,” Joe commented, waving to John as he pulled up in his pick-up truck.“Too bad you didn’t get those genes.”

“Bite me, lardass!”

Joe threw a bag at Dean’s face.Dean laughed and tossed it to his father, who threw it into the pickup.They’d collected most of the bags with Cas’s belongings before an elderly hispanic man ran out, swearing at them in Spanish.“What are you doing?” he yelled, switching to English.He pointed a crooked finger at Dean.“And no to him!No Winchesters, I call the police!This is stealing!”

“No, actually, it’s not.”Adam was there, a copy of the Novaks’ trash contract in his hand.“This contract authorizes me to pick up any and all trash left curbside at this residence.What I do with it afterwards is up to me.And this young man?”He jerked a thumb at Dean.“He was kind enough to ride along and help with the pick-up today!His father’s just helping with transport.”

“You will not get away with this!” Martin yelled.“Mr. Novak will ruin you!”

“Yeah, I collect trash for a living.Not so used to it talking back like it’s doing today, but that’s fine.”Adam tapped the contract again. “Would you look at that?It appears Mr. Novak is over his bag limit!I’m afraid I’ll have to evoke this clause, allowing me to charge him for excessive number of bags.I’ll just add it on to his account.You have a good day, now!”

“Dude, I love your dad,” Dean told Joe.

“Yeah.”The linebacker’s eyes were shining with pride as he watched his father standing down the furious groundskeeper.“Me too!”

***

The return of his clothes and his beloved trench coat did wonders for Cas’s state of mind.But even better were the other items they’d discovered in the trash bags.Cas was reunited with a large blanket that apparently had some sentimental value, some books, even some photo albums.Dean was flabbergasted that Zach Novak had thrown out the photo albums filled with family pictures.Now Cas was looking through them, a wistful expression on his face.

Dean stepped up behind him.Cas was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at a group picture of himself, his siblings, and his father.Zachariah had his hand on Cas’s shoulder.Cas had been staring at the picture for some time without moving at all.Dean slipped his arms around him and kissed him.“This isn’t your fault,” he whispered.“You kind of act like you think you abandoned your family, but you didn’t.You escaped an environment that was incredibly abusive!I don’t know how you survived as long as you did, angel.But I honestly believe it would have killed you if you’d stayed.”

“I think, when I ran away, that it’s what I wanted,” Cas admitted, making Dean feel cold.“To die, for everything to just end.That’s why I never even considered stopping to grab a coat, even though my trench coat was right by the door.I couldn’t take anymore, Dean.If he sent me back to that camp…?”

“Never,” Dean breathed.He trailed kisses down Cas’s cheek, moving back to lick at his ear.“You will never go to any camp.No one is ever taking you away from me.You’re safe now.”

“I know.”Cas tilted his head, giving Dean more access.“I’ll marry you, Dean.”

Dean froze.“Cas?”

“I’ll marry you,” Cas repeated, “even if it’s not legal and we can’t tell anyone outside of our family and friends.They’re the only ones I care about anyway.I want you to go to the Marines.Then, we can have our own ceremony, like you said.I’ll change my name to Castiel Winchester, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.”

Dean’s heart sang.But he had to be careful.Castiel had just gone through so much in such a short period of time.“Be sure,” he warned.“Because Cas, if I commit to you now, and you decide later it’s not what you want?I don’t think I’ll survive the loss!”

Cas turned in his chair, looking up at him.“I have never been more sure of anything in my life.I’m yours, Dean, for as long as you’ll have me.”

Dean dragged him to his feet and kissed him.“I will keep you forever!”

“Alright.”Cas’s smile was so beautiful.

Now that Cas was officially moved in, John did the surprising thing of switching beds with Dean.His reasoning was that he didn’t need a queen-sized bed anymore, but Dean and Cas couldn’t really keep crowding into Dean’s twin.So they’d switched beds, carrying the pieces between the two rooms.It had been emotional all around.When they were done, John excused himself and went on a walk.Sammy shut himself in his room.And Dean simply sat on the bed his parents had once shared, holding Cas, neither of them saying a word.It was enough.

That night, Dean showed his appreciation.Afterwards, they lay together in each other’s arms.“Are you happy, Cas?” Dean asked.

“I’m happier than I have ever been,” Cas replied.“But what happens Monday?We have to go to school, and my brothers will be waiting.”

“Let them wait,” Dean growled.“They go near you and I’ll be waiting.If they want a piece of me?They’re welcome to try!”

In his arms, Cas shifted.Dean sighed.“Alright.How about this.I’ll call Benny.We’ll get together and have a little chat with your brothers at school.Let them know exactly what will happen to them if they come near you.”

“Or you!”

“Or me,” Dean agreed, rolling his eyes.“Will that make you feel better?”

“Yes,” Cas agreed.“But let me talk to them, ok?You and your friends can be there if you want.But I don’t think they’ll be any trouble.”

“Me and Benny then.”

“Alright.”Then Cas was snuggling in Dean’s arms again, and he forgot all about the subject of Luci and Balth.But apparently Cas didn’t.

The next day, Dean woke up to the sound of a loud thud, followed by voices.He got up and went to the living room to see his father helping Cas up.Both were wearing padded gloves.“Ok, try again,” John urged.“Spread your feet to improve your balance.Now hit from the shoulder.”

Cas took a few tentative jabs.Dean would have laughed if his face wasn’t so intense.“Fighting lessons?” he called.

Cas smiled without taking his eyes off of his opponent.“I want to learn how to defend myself.John offered to teach me.”

“Dean can help you, too,” John offered.“Those are his gloves you’re wearing.Now come on, Castiel, this Marine is not going to break.Dig in and hit me!”

Dean got himself a cup of coffee and watched.To his surprise and delight, Cas actually caught on quickly.The first time he managed to throw John, he went pale and froze, terrified.But John laughed, got back up, and hugged him.“You’re doing great!But how about a break for now, ok?I think you need to get your head straightened up a bit.”

Cas blushed and stared at the floor.“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.You’ve already come a long way.Now, we got the whole rest of the weekend to practice, and I can do more after work.Plus Dean is here.”

“Happy to help!”Dean raised his coffee in salute.“You’re doing great!”

Cas gave a shy smile.“Did you call Benny?”

“Cas, it is 8:30 am on Saturday.Benny’s lazy ass is going to be in bed until at least noon.In his defense, he always works late on Fridays, holiday or not.”He looked meaningfully towards the ceiling.“Now, he did not work late on Friday, but let me guess where Sammy is?”

John shook his head.“Go dump him out.”

“Can do!”Dean headed upstairs, ready to flip his brother’s mattress and force him to start the day.

It was the nicest weekend Dean could remember in some time.Sunday night, Cas got the courage to try topping.He was still rough when it came to handling Dean.Dean ended up with a few marks.He didn’t care.The fact that Cas was able to relax enough to do this was its own reward.Still, Dean had his reservations.“You don’t have to be out,” he told Cas as they lay together.“Just because you live with us now doesn’t mean we have to be openly dating.”

“I want people to know,” Cas insisted.“That’s why I let you have me that first night, Dean!I’m tired of trying to be something I’m not.I want to be with you.”He tightened his grip on Dean.“Besides, just picture the look on Stella Johnson’s face?”

Dean cracked up.He muffled his laughter in Cas’s shoulder.Then he settled in to sleep.How had he ever been able to sleep without Cas in his arms?Dean simply could not remember.


	39. Endings And Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at school, Castiel talks to his brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW homophobia

_Jack had gone quiet again.I waited patiently, letting him mull things over.“You were so happy,” he said at last._

_“For a while, yes,” I agreed._

_“But things didn’t work out the way everyone thought,” Jack pointed out._

_“They rarely do.”_

_“Dean didn’t get to be a policeman.”_

_“No.”I couldn’t keep the sadness from my voice.“No, he didn’t, Jack.”_

_“Lucifer and Balthazar were supposed to go out west with their father.”_

_“Yeah,” I agreed.“They were supposed to move right after the holidays.”_

_“But they didn’t go.”_

_I shook my head.“Nothing really worked out quite the way we thought it was going to.”_

_“Because of what happened here?”_

_“What happened out here changed some things, yes.”I couldn’t meet Jack’s eyes._

_“But why?” he wanted to know.“How did everyone go from being happy to, well, here?”_

_I let my gaze pass over the field.“You can’t really understand, Jack,” I began, “because you don’t think the way that Lucifer and Balthazar do.We were the same way.We believed that the animals, the threats that had been made?They would be enough to keep everyone safe.We believed that the worst thing that could happen was for someone to get beat up.But Jack, when people are routinely breaking the law for drugs and money, the way your uncles were?Once they take that first step, they start putting less and less value on other people.What someone else feels, or even their life, becomes worth less than getting what you want.We couldn’t think like that.Because of that, we couldn’t understand that they could.Looking back, we could see the warning signs, the things we missed.But back then, we couldn’t see that we’d already come too far.That what happened here was all but inevitable.”_

_Jack had followed my gaze and was frowning as he looked at the field.“When did it happen?”_

_“December,” I told him.“It happened in December, at the Winter Wonderland dance.”_

***

In the end, Castiel insisted on speaking with his brothers alone before involving Dean and Benny.They’d come to school early.Castiel was waiting at the curb when Martin arrived with Lucifer and Balthazar.

“Oh look who decided to show his face in public?” Lucifer began, wasting no time.“If it isn’t Dean Winchester’s bitch!”

It hurt.Castiel couldn’t deny that it hurt.But he could deny the instinctual urge to lie, to argue that he and Dean weren’t together.“Dean and I are together, yes,” he said instead.“But that isn’t why I’m living with the Winchesters now.What they’re offering me, it’s family.Family that doesn’t demand I live by strict rules or be beaten or locked up or sent to a camp and brainwashed!And that’s why I left.I can’t take the abuse anymore.I don’t understand why the two of you are?”

Balthazar had already moved up to join Luci.Now they were both staring at Castiel with something that seemed oddly like pity.“Families are brought together by God, Cassie,” Balth said.“They aren’t something you have to pay for with your body.”

“It’s not like that!”Castiel sighed.“Look, even if Dean and I weren’t together, John would have taken me in.He’s a good man.You should have taken him up on his offer, moved in with us.”

“Castiel?” Lucifer began.“When we went home, the three of us had a long talk.Father cried, Cas.He actually cried!”

“You did that,” Balth growled.“Father loves you, Castiel.You have always been the favorite.We all know it!What kind of monster are you?How could you do that to your own father?The man already lost his daughter to those heathens.So you ran into their arms as well?!”

Castiel shook his head in disbelief.“Father didn’t lose Hannah, he threw her out!He called her a harlot, his own daughter!And then you know perfectly well what he did to me.He beat all three of us, and for what?”

“To save our souls!”Luci’s voice had so much surety behind it that for a moment Castiel found himself doubting his own convictions.“He was right.As Hannah’s brothers, it was our duty to protect our sister.Your duty, Castiel!  Instead, you brought a viper right into our midst.  Why?Because Dean Winchester has pretty green eyes?I cannot believe that you chose him over your own family!”

“My own family was about to send me back to a camp to be tortured and brainwashed,” Castiel reminded.“And that was after my own father tied me up and beat me so hard with a switch that he cut marks into my back!Did you forget what he did to me after he caught me with Bill?How badly he beat me?The way he went on and on until my whole back was nothing but cuts and I lost consciousness?Or do I need to turn around, take off my shirt, and show you the scars?”

For the first time, his brothers looked uncomfortable.“He went too far,” Luci admitted.“I couldn’t convince him to take you to the hospital.He just took care of you at home, spent night and day at your bedside.You were in such bad shape.I was worried you’d die!”

“And what about you, Lucifer?” Castiel asked, quick to press his advantage.“You argued with him about it, and he took that switch to you, too!All four of us have our scars.”

“Nothing we didn’t earn,” Balthazar mumbled.

“I shouldn’t have argued with him,” Luci agreed, crushing Castiel’s hopes.“He never beat any of us the way he beat you that day.But what father did?He did it to save your immortal soul, Cassie.That’s worth the scars on your mortal body!”

Castiel ground his teeth.For the first time, he realized just how deeply engrained their father’s twisted form of religion was in the everyday thinking of his children.“I would have died the night I ran away,” he tried.“John was right.Father didn’t even report me missing, even though I was out in the cold with no coat and he had no way to know I’d found shelter.He would have just let me die that night!Explain to me how that would have saved my immortal soul?”

“Father expected you to come back,” Balth said.“He’d left the front door unlocked.We all thought you’d come home and you were in your room.Father was on the phone the morning you ran out, making arrangements to send you to Dr. Crowley’s camp, because it never occurred to us that you wouldn’t come home!We got up that morning and were waiting for the transport, thinking you were still upset and wouldn’t come out.Father even told Luci not to bother you.We never imagined that wasn’t the case until John Winchester called.”

“And then he refused to let you go!” Luci sounded outraged.“He stole you, Castiel!He kidnapped you, took you away from your rightful family.He actually threatened our father into letting him keep you, knowing that his son had unnatural desires for you?I cannot imagine what you must have gone through in that house.And this is who you’re trying to defend?This drunk who just got out of prison and refused to let a man retrieve his own son?!”

“John Winchester never would beaten me in the first place, but he never would have just gone to bed,” Castiel said.“There’s no way he’d just go to sleep without knowing where I was.He would have been up all night, out searching for me.He’d have called everyone he knew.He would have gone to the police.He never would have stopped until he found me!”

His brothers exchanged an amused look.“And you know this because?”

“Because that’s exactly what Dean did, the night Sammy went missing.That’s family.That’s what real love looks like.Dean was out all night searching for Sammy.My father didn’t even realize I’d never come home!He didn’t even check to see if I was there, just made plans to send me away.I was out alone in the rain, and he couldn’t even stay awake long enough to make sure that I came home.That I wasn’t hurt, or lost.He just locked the two of you up in rooms you can’t escape from no matter what, and he went to bed.He had no idea until morning that I was even still missing!”

The pain of this was tearing Castiel in two.But he wouldn’t break down.He couldn’t cry now.Later he would cling to Dean and sob into his shirt until it was drenched.But not now.Now, he needed to be strong as he faced his brothers.“The bottom line is that I have made my decision.I chose Dean, and I chose Dean’s family.But you are still my brothers.I love you.And that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

“So talk.”

Castiel could see it, the shield going up behind Luci’s words.He could see it in the eyes of both of his brothers as they looked at him.Suddenly there was a distance, a coldness.For a moment, Castiel wavered.He closed his eyes, remembering the way they would comfort each other after one of them had been punished.How all three of his siblings had written him every day he’d been at Crowley’s camp.How they’d embraced him when he’d come home, even though they were all upset at changing schools.

Then he opened his eyes, and realized he no longer even recognized the two boys standing before him.

Castiel licked his lips.“I want to make a couple of things very clear,” he began.“First, don’t go after Dean because of me.”He nodded, seeing the flush creep up the faces of his brothers.“I’m serious!Leave the Winchesters alone.”

Balth scoffed.“Fucking pansies can’t handle themselves.”

“I assure you, the fucking pansies are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves,” Castiel deadpanned.“And the entire Lawrence High football team is lining up to back them up.If the two of you go anywhere near the Winchesters?They will end you.”

It was a brief one, but it was a stand-off.Luci and Balth glared at Castiel.Castiel glared right back.He saw the exact moment when they backed off.There was no outward indication.Neither of the two older boys moved.But it was there all the same.A slight shift in their stance.A minuscule change in the look in their eyes.They’d backed down.Castiel let himself breathe.“And there’s one more thing.”

The shield was back up.“Make it fast,” Luci warned.

“I just want to say that I love you,” Castiel said.“I will always love you, no matter what.And if it gets too much for you?If you ever need my help?All you have to do is ask.”

“We will never need your help!” Balth snarled.He stormed forward, intentionally letting his shoulder bang against Castiel’s, and went into the school.

“He’s right, you know,” Luci growled.“But for what it’s worth?That offer goes both ways.I’ll pray for you, that you come to your senses and repent of your sins.When you’re ready to come back, Castiel?I’ll do what I can for you.”

That touched Castiel more than he could say.Words choked up his throat.He nodded instead.Lucifer cupped the back of his brother’s head.“I love you, little brother.”

Castiel reached up to clasp his hand.“I love you too,” he managed.“Lucifer, please!You can’t stay there.You’ll die if you do!I…”

“Bye, Cas.Take care of yourself.”And then Luci was gone, going into the building.

Castiel took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Cas?”

Dean.Castiel shook his head.“I should have known that you wouldn’t keep your nose out of my business, Dean Winchester,” he called, forcing a chuckle.

“You alright now, brother?”Benny, good, solid, reliable Benny, right by Dean’s side as usual.“I don’t think those fuckers are going to try anything stupid, but I can keep an eye open?”

“You do that, Benny.”Dean’s eyes were locked on Castiel.“Just ask the guys to make sure they stay away from Sammy.”

“You got it.”Benny had a smug smile on his face.He turned and ambled into the school.

“Where were you two hiding?” Castiel asked.

Dean thumbed back over his shoulder.“We were standing right around the corner, listening.”

Something was shining in Dean’s eyes.The peridot orbs held something bright and infinitely precious.Castiel couldn’t understand what it was.“Why are you looking at me like that?” he blurted.

“Because I’m proud of you, angel.”Dean’s arms were around him, pulling him close.“I’m so damned proud of you I could burst!”

Castiel was surrounded by Dean.He inhaled, suddenly dizzy with the scent of his lover.His lover.Dean loved him, and he loved Dean back.It was too much.His head swam.His hands clutched at Dean, a small cry coming from his lips.

“Cas?”Dean was holding him tightly, looking down at him in alarm.“What’s wrong?You’re crying!”

Castiel wiped at his eyes.“Nothing’s wrong,” he said.“I’m just happy, Dean.I never imagined I could ever be this happy!”

***

Days passed in a blur.Some memories stuck out.Studying for exams with Sammy, Castiel asking a question, being answered with a snore, and looking over to see his friend drooling on his notebook, sound asleep.

The first night he’d had unprotected sex with Dean, relishing in the feel of skin on skin.

Decorating the Christmas tree.John swearing enthusiastically at the tangled lights.Sammy excitedly telling Castiel the history of each ornament.Dean playfully wrapping Castiel with the garland.All three boys wrestling over candy canes, eating more than went on the tree.Then the crowning moment.Each member of the family had his own ornament to ceremoniously hang on the tree, an elaborate glass orb bearing his name.There were some sniffles when Mary’s ornament was reverently placed by John.Castiel stood back, watching humbly as John, then Dean, and then Sammy placed their own ornament.But he was suddenly surrounded, and John was pressing something into his hand.Castiel looked down, shocked to see his own name shining back at him.His hand had been shaking so much he’d nearly dropped his ornament before he got it on the tree.

The day he’d slipped up and called John Winchester “Dad.”Castiel hadn’t even realized he’d done it until John suddenly froze in the middle of their sparring.For so long, he’d heard Sam and Dean referring to their father.He’d had no idea that it had slipped into his own thinking until, too late, it was out and hanging in the air between them.Castiel had blushed, hastily apologized.But John had seized him, held him close.“It’s ok, son,” the man had whispered.“It’s ok.I’m honored.You want to call me that, you just go right ahead.”And oh, how that had made him feel.Warm and welcomed and loved.Loved in a way he’d only dreamed of.

But there were bad memories, too.Walking in the hall at school and hearing the shouts and cheers.Realizing there was a fight up ahead.Then his first sure look at Lucifer’s furious face through the crowd.Castiel had tried to push his way through the crowd, hoping to break up the fight before a teacher arrived.Too late.He’d tried to meet his brother’s eyes, to offer what comfort he could when Lucifer was marched past him on his way to the principal’s office.But Lucifer refused to look at him.

That night, Castiel had cried for his brother.

He got a Christmas card from Hannah.It had been addressed to him at his father’s home.Instructions to deliver to the Winchesters’ address had been written in sharp, accusing lines in his father’s handwriting.The sight made his heart turn and whimper in pain like a dying dog hit by a car.But the card did a lot to soothe that pain.Written neatly in his sister’s handwriting was an address and a telephone number.Until then, Castiel hadn’t had any way to reach her.

Hearing Hannah’s voice soothed a lingering ache inside of him.She was alright.Their aunt was strict, stern, but understanding.Hannah had a private tutor that was going to help her get her GED.And she was keeping the baby.She already had names picked out.Ruth for a girl.Jack for a boy.

“Don’t tell Sam,” she’d urged.“I don’t want him to think he has any sort of obligation.It’s best he doesn’t know.”

Castiel had gone silent. He lay on his bed with the phone pressed to his ear, thinking of Sam’s expression the night Dean had brought him home.The broken sound of his friend’s voice telling him how he’d gone over to his home, wanting to marry Hannah.Yes, Sam would most assuredly feel an obligation.“You’re right,” he told Hannah.“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“Thank you.”She paused.“Do you know about father and our brothers?”

“I don’t really talk to them now,” Castiel said carefully.“Since I moved in with the Winchesters, they pretty much avoid me.I hear things, though.Luci keeps getting into fights, and Balth is still cutting classes.People say they’re both heavy into drugs.A few times they’ve been accused of stealing, but I don’t think the cops ever got involved.People almost seem afraid of them, Hannah.They’ve really gone bad.”

“I imagine so.”Her voice was soft.“Cassie, they’re moving again.Auntie told me that father told her that there’s too much sin and temptation for his sons in Lawrence.He took a position with the company on the west coast.As soon as the holidays are over, they’re moving.”

Castiel’s hand tightened on the phone.“They’re leaving us behind,” he whispered.

“Yes.And Luci and Balth won’t be able to finish school.They’ll have to have private tutors, like I do.Everything’s changing, Cassie.It’s no wonder Luci and Balth are behaving the way they are.They were finally settling in, and their entire lives are being turned upside-down again!”

They talked a bit more after that, but didn’t really say much more.What was there to say?In his heart, Castiel knew the truth.His entire family had fallen apart.Now more than ever, he was on his own.

Castiel hung up and sat quietly, listening for a moment to the sounds of yelling coming from the living room.Now that high school football was over, the Winchesters were obsessed with professional football.They were in the living room now, loudly disagreeing with a call.Castiel smiled.His family had fallen apart.But he wasn’t on his own after all.

***

Dean was making a spectacle of himself and didn’t seem to care.He was on one knee in the middle of the hall, oblivious to the stares he was receiving.In his hand he had a paper ticket.“Castiel Novak,” he said loudly, “will you do me the honor of being my date to the Winter Wonderland dance?”

They were drawing stares.Castiel could feel his cheeks burning.“Yes, you idiot!” he hissed.“Now get up off the floor.”

Dean got up, raised his arms in a victory salute, and cheered loudly.Then he snagged Castiel around the middle.Spun him around like a Disney movie princess.Planted a loud, obnoxious kiss right on his mouth.Castiel groaned.“Could you be a bigger assbutt?!”

“I assure you, I can,” Dean announced.“If for no other reason then to hear you call me an assbutt again.”

Castiel swatted him.Dean literally skipped down the hall, drawing more stares.Castiel shook his head.Ok, so the dance was kind of a big deal.It would be the first time the two of them were out in public as an official couple.Of course, after Dean’s insane display here, word would be out long before the dance.

“So you’re out, huh?You’re letting the whole world know you’re a faggot?”

Castiel turned, surprised to see Luci and Balth looking at him.There was no anger or recrimination in their eyes for once.They just looked sad.Castiel nodded.“Yes.I’m with Dean, and I don’t care who knows it.I won’t hide who I am anymore.”

Lucifer looked at Balthazar.“We failed,” he announced.“We completely failed both of them, didn’t we?”

“Romans 3 verse 23,” Balth quoted.“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.We did what we could, Luci.”

“Did we?”Lucifer’s eyes locked on Castiel.“We knew of our brother’s weakness.We knew what Winchester was.And we didn’t do enough to stop it.Now we’ve lost him and Hannah both!”

Castiel sighed.“I’m not going to argue about this with you.I heard, alright?I know father is moving, taking you to the west coast.I’m sorry.Will you at least write to me?”

“Do you really believe for one minute that father would allow that?” Luci scoffed.“The only reason he’s taking us away is because he knows he’s lost you.Now he won’t even allow any mention of you in the house.He’s thrown out all of your pictures, anything that reminds him of you.It’s like you never existed!”

“We did fail,” Balth said.“We let you down, Cassie.But maybe there’s something more we can do.Some way that we can show Dean Winchester that he made a mistake when he corrupted you?”

Castiel straightened.“Stay away from Dean,” he warned.“I’m sorry you have to move again.I don’t want to lose you.But I already told you what would happen to you if you went after Dean!”

“And we got the message, loud and clear,” Balth growled.“Don’t worry.We won’t lay a finger on your precious boy toy.There are other ways a lesson can be learned.”Balthazar turned and walked off.

“What do you mean?Balth!”Castiel started after his brother, but Luci got in his way.

“Come home, Castiel,” Luci urged.“Come home with me tonight.I will stand with you, and together, we can convince father to take you back.Renounce your sin, and be my brother again!”

“I’m not going to do that, Lucifer.I made my choice.I’m going to live with it.”

Something grew cold and hard in his brother’s eyes.“Then we are no longer brothers.”

Castiel froze, staring after Luci as he turned and walked away.But he didn’t chase either of his brothers.There was no point.

Castiel risked being late and quickly sought out Benny Lafitte.“Benny, I need you and the rest of the animals to keep an eye on Sam and Dean,” he said quickly.“I think my brothers are up to something.They’re dangerous, Benny.I don’t think Dean understands just how dangerous they are!”

Benny’s face had darkened.“You got it.You watch your ass too, brother.We’ll keep an eye out for Dean and Sammy.”

It made Castiel feel much better.Even two days later, when he saw Sam find a note in his locker, nothing seemed too out of place.Castiel didn’t like the way Sam quickly hid the note and tried to pretend didn’t exist when Castiel asked about it.Still, everything seemed normal.That was why it hit like a punch in the gut when he came out of the house to drive to school with Sam and Dean and saw the word “FAGGOT” spray painted repeatedly all over Dean’s precious Impala.


	40. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets a note that changes everything

Sam was happy, happier than he’d been in a long time.His heart was filled with love for his brothers.Brothers, plural, yes, that was what he had now, didn’t he?With dad agreeing to take in Cas, Sam’s life was more complete than it had been since the awful day he and Dean had found their mother on the floor.Somehow, it almost seemed as though Cas had been intended to be part of their family all along.The plans they’d made for Cas now felt more like a homecoming than an escape.It felt like a second chance.A chance to start a new life, with a new family.

Could John Winchester really keep Cas when Zachariah Novak took the rest of his family out west?His father had sounded so sure.His eyes had been clearer then Sam had seen them in far too long.More importantly, in Sam’s eyes?The way his father had held Cas that first day, refusing to let him go, meant that Castiel would be protected.For better or for worse, John was back.And he would fight for his sons.All three of them.The idea made Sam feel a little giddy with happiness.

Of course, the vandalism to the Impala had put a damper on things.Castiel reluctantly admitted that his brothers had made vague threats.Dean had immediately wanted to go start a fight.But John held him back.“We got no proof,” he insisted.“I’m sorry about your car, but it’s not really damaged.A bit of work will have her good as new.If you go over there and start something with the Novaks?Then they got a little more ammunition if Zachariah decides he wants to take Castiel to the west coast with him after all.Now, I know it hurts, and I’m sorry.But this is a problem that could solve itself if you just hang on and be patient.”

It was hard.The animals had come over to help clean up the Impala.That had helped.But the hateful words were difficult to get rid of.Sam didn’t like seeing his brothers so quiet.Neither had the animals.John had managed to calm the more hot-headed.He’d pointed out that a police investigation was under way, and if there was a way to prove guilt, it would be done.But no one really believed that the Novak brothers would be held accountable for it.And of course they’d both denied it.With nothing to link them to the crime, there was little anyone could do.

After that, days passed with nothing happening.But the note he’d found in his locker was heavy on Sam’s mind.“Need to talk to you.I think I’m in trouble.Meet in the parking lot at the Winter Wonderland dance after the first slow song.Come alone.”The wording sent chills through him.Someone else was in trouble?Another girl?It was a blow, but at the same time, it was another chance to do the right thing.A second chance.A chance to not let another child be taken away from him.How could he pass that up?He couldn’t, of course.Whoever the girl was, Sam would do whatever he needed to do, for both her and the child.But who could it be?He’d searched the faces of those around him, but no one seemed to be anything but normal.The girls he’d been with were all, as much as he could tell, acting perfectly normal.In a few cases, that meant they still hated him.Price to pay for his actions.Try as he might, he couldn’t find any answers.Fine.He’d wait for the dance.

Finally, it was time to go.Sammy dressed in a decent button-down and pants.Lisa would be meeting him there.He checked out his appearance, spending extra time on his hair.By the end of the night, if all went well, he’d be a sweaty mess from dancing and maybe a bit more.But at least at the start of the night, he wanted to look good for his girl.

Especially if he really did get another girl in trouble.

Sam resolved not to say anything to anyone until he got details.He thought he’d put on a good front.He was enjoying himself a great deal despite the circumstances.He’d been worried about Cas.Especially after the incident with the Impala, Cas seemed to have regressed quite a bit.He still seemed happy, but he’d lost some of the sparkle in his eyes.Now he seemed much more wary.He’d even hesitated at taking Dean’s hand.Then, when they’d arrived, he’d suddenly gone stiff, his eyes scanning the crowded parking lot.

“What is it?” Dean asked.

“I thought I saw…”Cas shook his head.“For a moment, I thought I saw my brothers.But I don’t see them now.”He’d frowned, his eyes darting over the parked cars.“I don’t see their cars, either.”

Dean had put an arm around Cas’s shoulders.“You’re nervous about this, aren’t you?”

Cas nodded.He’d looked down, ashamed.“When we do this, it’s real, Dean.I’ll be out, and everyone will know we’re together.And that’s what I want, more than anything!But…”

Dean had silenced him with a kiss.“I get it.After tonight, people will look at you differently, treat you differently.And after what you went through, what you grew up with?It’s understandable that you’re going to be anxious.”He’d wrapped his arms around Cas.“If you’re not ready for this yet, say the word.I’ll take you home.”

“No.”Cas was shaking his head, looking determined.“No, Dean.I want this.Here.Now.I’m yours, and you’re mine, and I want the world to know it.”

Naturally, that only encouraged Dean to be even more outrageous.He’d picked Cas up bridal style and literally carried him into the dance hall.Made a huge fuss over how handsome Cas looked.Made the rounds with Cas in tow, drawing Cas into every conversation.Now they were dancing their first public slow dance.They were openly out for the first time, and Cas seemed perfectly at ease.They were drawing stares, of course.But neither one of them seemed to notice it.Cas’s eyes were closed, his head resting on Dean’s shoulder.His lips were curled in a contented smile as he held onto Dean.And Dean?Dean’s eyes were shining and soft.His arms were tight around Castiel.By the looks of them, Dean had no intention of letting go anytime soon.And sure enough, once the slow dance ended, Dean was leading Cas out, looking determined.

That made it easy to duck his brothers.Lisa was another storyShe looked gorgeous, so gorgeous Sam almost forgot about the note.He had a great time, dancing with her and his friends.Then the first slow dance came on.He pulled Lisa close, enjoying this as much as he could while he still had it.Dancing with a girl who stood half a foot taller than him was interesting.Leaning his head against her chest was also interesting.

It was obvious that Lisa was looking for more, but luckily, she got pulled into a conversation with a few of her friends.Soon, she was being asked to referee a friendly argument between Charlie and some other kid about if Kirk or Picard was the better starship captain.Sam was able to slip away.He grabbed his jacket and slipped out the door, heading for the parking lot.

By now, the lot was largely devoid of people.Those who weren’t staying for the dance had already left.Those that remained were all inside, keeping warm.The temperature had dropped rapidly.December showing its true colors.Sam’s breath puffed in front of his face.His heart was pounding.A second chance.This time, he’d make the most of it.He wouldn’t run.He’d stay, do what he had to do.

As soon as he found her.

He walked quickly through the lot, his eyes scanning for anyone who might be waiting.His eyes fell on someone wearing a hoodie.She was standing at the corner of the parking lot next to the school, away from the lights and anyone else.Sam couldn’t figure out who she was, but she was clearly waiting for him.Whoever it was had wrapped her arms around herself and was hunched over, as though trying to hide.Sam frowned.“Hello?” he called.“Were you looking for me?I got a note.”

The mysterious girl raised her head a little and nodded, waving Sam closer with a hand.Sam walked a little quicker, feeling uneasy.If she wanted to tell him she was pregnant, then why all this mystery?Something was wrong here.Whatever this girl was going to tell him, he had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t like it.All he wanted was to get this over with.Impatiently, he approached her.“Ok, I’m here.I’m listening, whatever you need to tell me.What is it?”

Sam had no idea where the second figure had been hiding.He only knew when he’d been caught.A powerful arm went around his chest, locking his arms to his sides as a hand clamped itself over his mouth.Surprised, Sam tried to struggle.Too strong.He was dragged back, farther out of the light.What was going on?Where was the girl?There.She was walking towards him.Following Sam as he was dragged away.So far, she hadn’t made a sound.

But then the hooded figure pushed back “her” hood to reveal the grinning face of Balthazar.“Judgement day, Winchester!” he said quietly.He moved forward, caught one of Sam’s wrists in a punishing grip.“You going to be quiet and take your punishment like a man?Or are you going to cry for mommy like a little bitch?”

Sam stopped struggling.He twisted his head, and the hand lifted off of his mouth.He looked at his captor, seeing with no surprise the scowling face of Lucifer looking down at him.Sam frowned.“Cas isn’t coming back!” he growled.“After the way your dad beat him and how much you hate what he is?Why would you want him to?But you know what confuses me the most?Why the hell did you stay in that house, with what Zach does to you?Dad would have taken you two in, helped you, but you wouldn’t go!”

“We have no interest in living in a house of sin,” Luci declared.“And our brother is lost.It’s our sister we’re here about tonight.”

“Bad enough you wallow in your own sin,” Balth added.He’d let go of Sam, apparently content that he wouldn’t scream.“Worse that you corrupted our brother.But did you have to defile our sister as well?”

Oh shit.So that’s what this was about.With a sinking heart, Sam realized he’d been dragged around the side of the school.He raised his hands as much as Lucifer’s grip on him would allow.“Ok,” he said.“Ok, you got me.You want to take me around back and beat the shit out of me?Fine.I got that coming.I won’t even put up a fight.Let me go.I’ll come with you.”

“Good boy!Balth, get the door open.”

Door?Sam craned his neck back and saw with alarm that Lucifer’s car had been parked out of sight on the grass next to the school.No wonder they hadn’t seen it.Now Balth was opening the door.Sam gasped.“No!You want to beat me up, I deserve it.But whatever you want to do to me, you’re doing it here.I’m not getting in a car with you.”

Luci hummed.“Actually, yes you are.We’re going to go for a little ride now, Sammy.We’ve got a special place all picked out for you.”

He was moving, forcing Sam towards the car.Sam dug in, the soles of his shoes sliding on the grass.“No!You’re not taking me anywhere!”

“You don’t get a vote here, you little cockslut.This isn’t open for debate.”Balth leaned forward.To Sam’s dismay, by the dome light he could see that the older boy’s eyes were watery and glazed with constricted pupils.He was high again.Chances were they both were.But Sam had already suspected that.It was why he desperately wanted to avoid being dragged into a car with them.

“Tell me, Sammy boy,” Balth was saying, “do you know the story of Dina?It’s Genesis 34, verses 1 through 31.”

Now Sam was starting to panic.He kicked at Luci, trying to squirm out from under his arm.“Let go of me!Let go!Let me…!”

Lucifer’s arm loosened, allowing Sam to slide down.For a brief moment, Sam thought he was free.But then the arm clamped down tight around his neck.Luci’s other arm moved behind Sam’s head to complete the headlock.Suddenly, Sam was fighting to breathe.

“It’s a great story,” Luci said pleasantly.His deadly grip never loosened, easily forcing Sam towards the car.“Dina, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, is out minding her own business when this piece of shit rapes her.”

“I didn’t rape anyone!” Sam gasped.He clawed at the arm clamped around his throat.“Stop choking me!No!”Balth had climbed into the back seat.Now both brothers were working together, trying to force him into the car.Sam got a foot up on the side.“Let me go!I’m not going anywhere with you!”

“Well, the sons of Jacob were naturally pissed,” Balth continued.“This bastard even had the gall to go to her father and ask for her hand in marriage, after he’d done that!Can you imagine?So her two brothers, Simeon and Levi?They were righteous men, and they went for justice for their sister.They took up their swords and went into the city.And they killed every one of those bastards, her rapist, his family, and everyone who was associated with him.To avenge their sister, they wiped those fuckers right off the map!”

“No!” Sam gasped, kicking at Balth.“You’ve got me.Leave Dean and Cas alone!”

“You don’t get it,” Balth explained.“That deal we had?It’s over.We will avenge our family.You’re just the next step.”He frowned as Sam managed to land a hard kick.“Luci, seriously, can’t you make him stop struggling so much?”

“Yup!”Lucifer abruptly straightened, leaning backwards so that Sam’s feet were off the ground.

The pressure on Sam’s throat was unbearable.His hands pulled desperately at the arm around his neck.He couldn’t budge it.His lungs screamed for air.He could hear his heart pounding in his ears.His kicking feet strained to reach the ground.The world was narrowing, turning into a dark tunnel.Sam could feel himself fading away.He couldn’t seem to control his hands anymore.They were flailing at the air, drawing a laugh from his tormentors.

“When Simeon and Levi returned from their righteous mission, their father was upset because he knew that the allies of the men they’d killed would be angry.”Luci’s voice in Sam’s ear, the last thing he could hear as everything went dark.“But when he confronted them, do you know what the two brothers said?They asked their father if their sister should be treated like a whore?Because guess what, Sammy boy?Our sister is no whore!”

***

Castiel was exactly where he wanted to be.He was in the equipment room in his boyfriend’s arms and Dean was kissing him.All he wanted was to stay there, possibly forever.But the nagging doubt kept distracting him, ruining what should have been a perfect moment.Finally, he had to say what was on his mind.“My brothers are here,” he managed, twisting his face away from the kiss.“I thought I was mistaken, but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure.I saw them.And there’s only one reason for them to be here.I think they’re going to cause trouble for you tonight, Dean.”

“Let them try.I’m not afraid of them.”Dean’s arms tightened around him, moving in for another kiss.

“Dean this is…Mmm!This is serious,” Castiel managed.“Of all the things we’ve been taught to hate, nothing’s worse than a homosexual.I don’t regret a single decision I’ve made.But Dean?Lucifer and Balthazar aren’t going to let this rest.Luci’s hated you pretty much since the first day of school, and Balth…”

“I’m glad they decided not to come with you.I want them out of our lives.”Dean’s fingers gently traced Castiel’s face.“They can make their own choices.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of!Dean, stop a moment and listen to me,” Castiel pleaded as Dean leaned forward to kiss him again.“I’m worried, alright?They hate you, Dean.Now more than ever!They threatened you.You know as well as I do that they’re behind what happened to your car.And now they’re here.They didn’t come for the dance.They’re here for you!They’re coming after you, Dean, tonight, on the night we came out to the world.I know it!”He twisted free from Dean’s arms.“At least let me try to talk to them, figure out what they’re planning?”

“Cas, your brothers are a couple of serious cock blockers,” Dean complained.“I honestly do not give a shit about them, ok?If they come after me, I’ll handle it.All I am interested in right now is spending a little time with the guy I love!”

Now it was Castiel kissing Dean.“Dean, I am yours.I will be yours for the rest of our lives, but right now, I need to know what my brothers are planning!”

“They touch you and I’ll bust both of their heads!”

“I know,” Castiel soothed, kissing Dean again.“I know you will, Dean.But for all the shit we’ve been through, Lucifer and Balthazar have never really hurt me.The worst they have ever done was slap me or punch me a few times…”

Dean’s grip grew fierce.“They wouldn’t dare!”

“Dean!My point is, if you try to talk to them, it will start a fight,” Castiel insisted.“And if Benny or anyone else shows up, it will only be worse.I’m the only one who has a chance of talking sense into them.Besides, dad showed me some moves, and…”

“Dad?”Dean’s eyes went wide in surprise.“Did you just call my father ‘dad?’”

Castiel felt the blood drain out of his face.“I’m sorry!I first called him that by mistake.But we had this long talk.He told me that I shouldn’t ever feel abandoned or unwanted by my father, because as far as he was concerned?He had three sons now.That, it meant a lot, but I should have asked you and Sam, and I’m sorry, and…”

Dean threw back his head and laughed.“No, Cas, that’s great!That’s perfect.It’s a little weird, though, I mean, does that make this incest?”

Castiel blinked.Then he groaned.“You would go there, wouldn’t you?And you call Luci and Balth cock blockers!”He gave Dean a playful shove.“Get off of me!One sin at a time!”

Dean’s smile faltered.“Do you really still think loving me is a sin?”

“No.”Castiel pulled Dean in for another kiss.“No, Dean.There is no sin in loving you.”

The smile he got from that was worth the world.Reluctantly leaving his boyfriend with one last lingering kiss, Castiel headed out.

Castiel moved through the crowded gymnasium, searching among the dancing bodies.There were far fewer students enjoying the dance than there were at one of the football games, but it was still a bit crowded.No sign of his brothers.He checked outside where he knew some of the kids went to smoke, but the elusive pair weren’t among them.He wandered out into the parking lot, looking for their car.He felt much better once he was sure that their car wasn’t here.Good.If they really had been here, they must have gone home.Castiel breathed a sigh of relief and headed back inside.

Dean was in the hall, talking with Benny and Uriel.All three smiled when Castiel slipped himself under Dean’s arm.“You guys looking after my boyfriend?”

“So you’re really out, huh, Novak?”Uriel was smiling.“Good for you, man.I, uh, heard what happened with your dad.”

Castiel looked at Dean, surprised.“You told them?”

Dean cringed.“Just a few of them.I needed them to know the truth, what we were up against.Are you upset, angel?”

“No.”Castiel smiled at Dean, saw his shoulders sag in relief.

“It’s ok,” Uriel insisted.“I get it.My mom used to knock me around when I was little, until my dad divorced her ass and got custody of me.So you ever need someone to talk to?Give me a call.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said, touched.“That means a lot.”

Uriel’s smile grew wider.

Benny cleared his throat.“You two need some alone time?Uriel and I can wander off?”

“You guys go ahead and talk,” Castiel said with a wave.“I just wanted to let Dean know there’s nothing to worry about.Looks like if my brothers were here, they gave up and went home.”

“Good news abounds!” Dean declared.“Someone say amen!”

“Amen!” Benny, Uriel, and Castiel called.All four laughed.

From the cafeteria, the opening sounds of “Push It” began to play.Immediately, the students were chanting for Sammy.Dean groaned.“And once again, the Lord of the Dance holds court.Go make sure he doesn’t break his neck dancing on a table or something, would you, angel?I’ll be along in a moment.You owe me another slow dance!”

“Sure.”Castiel gave Dean a quick kiss.Hearing the mocking ooo’s and kissing sounds from Benny and Uriel, Castiel casually gave them the finger.

Roaring laughter.“Holy shit, Dean, he’s a lot feistier than he let on!”

“More to this one than meets the eye,” Dean agreed.He smiled fondly at Castiel.“A lot more.”

Castiel blushed.He hurried into the cafeteria.

He was met with confusion.The chanting of Sammy’s name had stopped, and all the students seemed to be looking around.He looked up at the stage.No Sammy.Frowning, he spotted Lisa and tapped her shoulder.“Where’s Sammy?”

“That’s what we all want to know,” she told him.“He was right here a bit ago.I don’t get it.He never misses a dance, and he loves this song.Where the hell is he?He get sick or something?”

Castiel frowned.“I don’t know.I’ll check.”

Leaving the cafeteria, Castiel quickly checked the boys’ room.No Sammy.He glanced down the hall, saw Dean still standing and talking with his friends.Castiel frowned.If Sammy was hiding somewhere with another girl, Lisa and Dean, and Castiel himself, would be extremely upset with him.Surely he wouldn’t be that stupid, not after everything that had happened!

Irritated now, Castiel wandered back out into the parking lot.He went straight for the Impala and peeked into the back seat, bracing for what he might see.But it was empty.He frowned, thinking of the places Sammy might have taken a girl.But something about it just seemed wrong.After everything that had happened, Castiel just couldn’t accept that Sammy would cheat on Lisa now.Not when things seemed to be going so well.No, there had to be another explanation.

Puzzled, Castiel roamed around a bit in the parking lot.The wind blew, making him shiver.He wished he’d thought to grab his trench coat.The temperature was supposed to dip down into the high 20’s tonight and already seemed to be hovering around freezing.He could see a puff of fog with his every breath.This winter would be a cold one.Above, even the stars looked frigid in the frozen sky, shining bravely through the moon’s icy glow.He was an idiot for wandering around out here without his coat.He needed to go in before he got sick.

But something caught his eye.Later, he would think back on it and wonder how he’d even seen it.He’d been standing at the edge of the parking lot and had looked down the road.And there, far down the road, something gleamed softly, reflecting the lights of the parking lot.If he hadn’t been standing with the lights to his back, Castiel never would have seen it.As it was, the light was so faint, so far away, that it was a miracle he’d even noticed it at all.

There was certainly nothing special about it.Castiel’s first instinct was to turn and go back inside, get Dean to help him look for Sam.Later, he couldn’t explain why he stopped.Why he turned back to the mysterious light, far down the road.Why he started walking towards it, trying to puzzle out what it was.

When he was several yards away from the parking lot, he figured it out.It was the reflectors on the back of a car.The car was on the side of the road, the slight incline making one side rise up just enough to reflect the lights.Frowning, Castiel started down the road, trying to get far enough away from the lights enough to make it out.In the darkness and distance, it was difficult to tell what kind of car he was looking at.The light of the moon only revealed the basic shape.But as he moved closer and saw more of it, something told him he was looking at his brother’s car.

Lucifer’s car.Parked on the side of the road some distance from the school.Matt’s Mile.The car was parked right at the start of the path leading to the pond.Why would his brother’s car be parked there on this freezing night?

Sudden dread made Castiel’s stomach churn.When they’d lived in the city, Balthazar and Lucifer had come home late one night, after curfew.They’d been punished, but something in their eyes made Castiel dare to ask about it the next day.Lucifer had just laughed and said they were having too good of a time to come home.But Balthazar had told him a story.They’d been with Azazel, and once he got high, Azazel tended to talk.That night, he’d told them the story of a rival drug dealer.Azazel had lost a great deal of money and he’d gotten his revenge.But he hadn’t taken his revenge on the rival dealer.Instead, he’d gone after what the other man had most cared about.  Burning down his house.Beating his best friend nearly to death.Raping his sister.At the time, Balth had seemed shaken by it.But when Castiel insisted on talking to Lucifer, hoping they’d agree now to stay away from Azazel, Lucifer had scoffed and said that anyone who was stupid enough to go after Azazel deserved everything they got.And to his shock, Balth had enthusiastically agreed.

The damage to the Impala.And now Sammy was missing.

Should he go back, get Dean?No.If he brought Dean or anyone else into this, it would only make things worse.No, this was something only he had any real chance of defusing before it went too far.He walked faster, breaking into a jog.And a moment later he was running, racing as fast as he could down Matt’s Mile and what he feared waited there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MJ will never believe me, but I didn't plan this. We're going to visit our uncle and his family in another city for Thanksgiving and will not be back until next Saturday. He lives in another state, so we generally fly up or they fly down once a year. I will have my phone, but not my computer. Meaning I can email and respond, but can't post. So, that means no more updates until next weekend. Sorry, I hate to leave things that long on this particular note, but that's just the way it happened.


	41. The Wages of Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is taken to the pond by Lucifer and Balthazar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much all the fucking trigger warnings here. Seriously, if you might get triggered, just don't read this, ok?

_“What did they do to you?” Jack asked.“I heard mom saying they put you in the hospital.She said you were in really bad shape.”_

_“They beat me up pretty bad,” I sighed.“I needed surgery.”_

_“Castiel, too?”_

_I nodded.“They went after Cas when he found us, hurt him, too.We both ended up in the hospital.”_

_“Why?”Jack looked troubled. “Castiel was their brother!Why would they hurt him?”_

_“Because it wasn’t Castiel they were really trying to hurt,” I explained.“I didn’t realize it at first when they took me out here, but it wasn’t even really about me.Yeah, they wanted to hurt me for what I did to your mom, but they could have done that back at the school.I would have let them.”_

_“Because you hurt mom.”_

_“Yeah.”There was no accusation in his voice, but guilt made me lower my gaze.“That’s why, later, I finally understood what it was really about.It was Dean they were after all along.”_

_“Dean?”Jack frowned.“So why didn’t they just beat up Dean?”_

_“It all goes back to what I said before.Remember how we talked about the way people think?You and I, if we’re angry at someone, we’ll be angry at them.  Try to hurt them if we’re angry enough.But Lucifer and Balthazar didn’t think that way.They wanted to hurt Dean.And they did.They hurt Dean more than anyone has ever hurt him.Because they went after what he loved most.Yeah, they went after Dean eventually.But not before they hurt him as badly as they possibly could.”_

_Jack’s forehead wrinkled in confusion.“So, when they beat up you and Cas, they did it to hurt Dean?I don’t understand.”_

_“Jack, does it make you angry when you think about how I hurt your mother?”I nodded, seeing understanding dawn in his eyes.“There’s no way they could have hurt Dean more than by hurting us.And that’s what they did.”_

_Jack was frowning now.“So they took you out here, and they beat you up?You and Castiel both?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“So badly that you both ended up in the hospital?All because they hated that Dean was in love with Castiel?”When I nodded, he shook his head.“That’s terrible!”_

_I forced myself to smile.“It could have been a lot worse, right?”I saw him nod and thanked God for the strength to look my son in the eyes and lie to him._

***

Sam whimpered, feeling hands take hold of him again.Once more, he was lifted up, held in place.He hadn’t stayed unconscious long and had come around in Lucifer’s car.Balthazar was holding him down in the back seat while Lucifer drove.He’d fought, received a hard blow, and had gone still.Since then, Sam hadn’t said a word.What could he say?They’d taken him.There was nothing he could do to stop what would happen now.When the car stopped, he’d tried to run away.But the Novak brothers were bigger, stronger, and there were two of them.He hadn’t stood a chance and he’d known it.He’d been forced, stumbling in the dark, down the long path to the pond.When they’d arrived and he’d tried again to run, they’d grabbed him, picked him up between them and carried him.For one terrifying moment, Sam had been sure he was about to be thrown into the freezing water.Instead, they’d carried him out onto the dock, far enough away from the road that Sam knew no one would see or hear them.There, they’d taken turns holding him for the other to beat.Trapped out on the dock, there was nowhere for Sam to run.

Now his entire body was battered and bruised.His groin throbbed dully where he’d been repeatedly kicked, making him feel sick.His eyes were swollen to the point he could barely see.His mouth was full of blood that dripped from his chin.His ribs ached with each breath.He’d already thrown up from the repeated blows to his stomach.And still the beating went on, Balthazar battering away at him now while Lucifer held his arms.What was the point?Sam didn’t have any fight left in him.He couldn’t even hold himself up, forcing Lucifer to support his weight.And apparently, Lucifer knew it.The hands holding him abruptly let go, and Sam collapsed to the dock.“Ah, give it up, Balth,” Luci called.“This little faggot’s got nothing left.”

“Sure he does!He just needs a little motivation, that’s all.”

Balthazar stepped closer.Sammy heard a click, managed to look up, and saw the moonlight reflect from the blade of a knife.He gasped and raised his arms.“No!Please don’t cut me!”

“See, Luci?”

“Don’t cut him, Balth, that’ll just make a mess.”

“I’m not cutting him.I got a better idea.Get that jacket off of him.”

“What for?”

“You’ll see.”

Sam’s letter jacket was pulled off.He saw Balthazar wad it up.Then it was flying, thrown far out into the pond.Sam gave a cry of dismay.His cell phone was in the pocket of that jacket.Without it, he couldn’t call for help.He’d have to hike the Mile back to the school to get help when these two finally finished with him.

But it seemed Balth was far from finished.“Get him back up, Luci.Pull his hands behind his back and hold him still.”

Sam was dragged up, his hands pulled back.Balth grabbed the collar of his shirt.There was a tearing sound, buttons flew, and suddenly Sammy felt the frigid air on his bare chest.Behind him, Luci laughed.“Oh, hell yeah!Great idea!Strip the little bastard!”

Sam cried out, tried to force his battered body to struggle.No use.His shirt was sliced away from his trapped arms, pulled off and thrown into the pond.Then Lucifer was forcing him to his feet.Balthazar cut off his pants, pulled off his shoes and socks.Sam felt the blade brush against his groin and went still, frozen in terror.The knife moved quickly, slicing through the cloth of his briefs.Then he was thrown down, naked, onto the frozen dock while the last shreds of his clothing went into the pond.

Sam immediately curled into a defensive ball, shivering as he eyed his tormentors.They were laughing, holding onto each other, doubled over in mirth.“Ok, Balth!” Luci gasped.“You outdid yourself this time.This is perfect!Let the little queer crawl home naked!Wouldn’t big bro just love that?”

“Dean?”Sam looked up.“You bastards!You tried to say this was about your sister, but it’s about Dean, isn’t it?That’s why you brought me out here, Lucifer.Because this is where Dean first knocked you on your ass!This whole thing was just a pathetic excuse to try to get back at him!”

“It was for both, actually,” Lucifer said.“You and your family brought shame on my family.Now you know what shame’s all about!”

He was right.Sam’s face flamed even as he shivered violently in the cold and tried to cover himself.With his phone gone, he had no choice but to walk back naked for the entire school to see.If he could even manage to walk.He’d been beaten so badly he wasn’t sure he could stand.Sam turned his head, spat the blood that filled his mouth into the water.“I’m sorry,” he said through chattering teeth.“I hurt your sister and that was wrong.For what it’s worth?I’m sorry.But you took this too far, ok?You can’t leave me out here, I’ll freeze to death!Please, just drop me back off at the school?I don’t think I can get back on my own.”

Lucifer shrugged.“So?”

Sam sputtered.“Please!Don’t leave me alone out here?”

“Hey Luci?”It was Balthazar, coming closer.He was looking down at Sam, a gleam in his eye that chilled Sam even more than the freezing wind.“Get him back up on his knees.”

“What for?” Luci asked, even as he came over and grabbed Sam again.

“What’s the one thing a fag does better than any woman?”

Lucifer’s grip on Sam’s arms tightened.Then he laughed.“You got a purty mouth, boy!” he announced in a bad accent.“How about you show us how you can use it?”

Sam froze, looking in disbelief from Lucifer to Balthazar.“No,” he called, forcing his battered body to struggle, to get his feet under him.“No!No, get away from me!You can’t…Ow!”

Luci had jerked Sam’s wrists up high behind his back.Pain shot through his shoulders, forcing him back down.“Stay on your knees!”

“Come on, Sammy,” Balth urged.“That mouth was made for sucking cock.You know it, and I know it.Show us what you can do, and this ends.Hell, we’ll even give you a ride back to the school so you don’t have to walk!But only if you make it good.And if you’re really stupid, and decide to bite us?”The knife flashed again.“Then I take this, and I carve out one of those pretty hazel eyes.What do you think?”The blade wavered between Sam’s eyes.“Right?Or left?”

“Please!” Sam begged.“Oh my god, please!Just let me go!Don’t do this!”

“Stop fighting,” Lucifer ordered.“Open that mouth and show us what you’re good for!”

“Come on, Sammy, we know you want it anyway!”

“No!NO!”Sam struggled with all his might, managing to get his left wrist free.He shoved hard at Balthazar and scrambled to his feet.Then he pried at the fingers locked around his right wrist.“Fucking let go of me!”

“Bad move.”

Lucifer took hold of Sam’s wrist with both hands and twisted sharply.Sam screamed as he felt something snap.Pain sizzled up and down his nerves as Luci continued to twist.“No, god, stop, please stop!You broke it, stop!”

“You want me to stop?”

“Yes!”

“Then you know what you have to do.”

Sam sobbed, hot tears joining those already freezing on his cheeks.“Oh god, please!Please don’t make me do this?”

Luci’s response was to grab his other arm, twisting both up behind his back again.Sam screamed as his broken wrist was jerked.“Want me to stop pulling?”

“Yes!”

“Then you need to hold nice and still, and get to work.”

Sam was sobbing harder now.He choked, spat more blood.“Please don’t do this to me?”

Balth had moved forward.He combed his fingers into Sam’s hair and got a good grip, forcing Sam’s head up.“Time to open that mouth of yours.You’ll make it good, won’t you, Sammy?”

Sam went limp.It was happening again, that sensation of unreality, like he’d somehow stepped out of his body while still being in it.The hand in his hair forced his head back.Balthazar’s fingers poked into his mouth, pushing past his bloody lips and meeting no resistance.“Oh, yeah, Luci, this bitch was made for it!”

“Then hurry up!It’s cold as a witch’s tit out here and I want to get at least part of me warmed up.”

“Trust me, he’s nice and warm where it matters.”From somewhere else, some other world, there was the sound of a zipper.Something bad was about to happen to someone else.That was a shame.Sam couldn’t help.He was floating, somewhere far away from his body.He stayed there, comfortable.No pain.No shame.Somewhere close there was sensation, but not where he was.Here there was still.

Quiet.

Safety.

Off in the distance, he could hear someone screaming his name.A dream.The voice grew louder, became words.

“Lucifer!Balthazar!Stop!Let Sammy go!”

And now Sam was sure he was dreaming.Because that was Castiel’s voice.“What the hell are you doing?!” his friend was yelling in the distance.“Stop!Let go of him!”

***

Castiel couldn’t believe what he was seeing.Out on the freezing cold dock, Sam was naked and on his knees.He’d been badly beaten.His eyes were bruised and swollen.His nose and mouth were bloody.More blood and bruises littered his exposed skin.Lucifer and Balthazar were standing before him.Balth had Sam’s arm and was supporting him.Luci had a firm grip in Sam’s hair, forcing his head back.For some odd reason, the free hand of each of his brothers was rapidly moving at the front of his pants before dropping away.And Sammy had that awful blank look Castiel had seen after Mary Winchester’s death.Castiel forced himself to run faster, barreling out onto the dock to shove the two larger boys away.“Let go of him!Sammy!”

The two let go of Sam when Castiel shoved at them.Castiel quickly dropped to his knees, pulling the shivering figure into his arms.He couldn’t believe how cold Sammy’s bare skin was.Castiel held him tightly and glared up at his brothers.“What were you thinking?You stripped him in this weather?!He’s freezing!”

There was no sympathy in the faces of the elder Novaks.“So?” Balthazar asked.“After what he and his brother did to us and our family, he deserves everything he got!”

Sammy was slumped against Castiel.He cradled his right wrist, giving a slight whimper when it was jarred.Castiel looked down.Sammy’s wrist was dark and swelling badly, bent where it was never meant to bend.“You really hurt him!Come on, we have to get him to a hospital.Where’s his clothes?”

“In the spirit of the season, we donated them to naked fish,” Balth announced, gesturing towards the pond.“Merry Christmas, right?”

“You...!Whatever, one of you give him your coat then.And help me get him into the car!”

“No faggot is wearing my clothes, or going in my car,” Luci declared.“That goes for both of you.You want to come back, Cassie?You know what you have to do.”

“Renounce your sin,” Balth urged.“Turn your back on those who have led you astray and go back to Dr. Crowley’s camp.They saved you once.They can save you again!”

“Save me?”Castiel was rubbing at Sam’s back, trying desperately to warm him even as his own blood heated.“They didn’t save me, alright?They brainwashed me!They twisted me around until I didn’t even know who I was anymore.Then they tried to make me into something I’m not!And as for Sam and Dean and John?Frankly, they’ve been more of a family to me than the one I was born into!”

“You don’t mean that,” Luci warned.

But Castiel had finally had enough.“I do mean it!” he yelled.“I mean every word of it!The Winchesters, for all you call them sinners?They accepted me!They don’t judge me or try to make me fit into this mold they have for me.I can be who I really am with them.And they love me like I was always part of their family.They would never raise a hand to me.Never beat me with a belt or a switch.Never put a lock on my bedroom door or bars on my windows to lock me in.They would never send me away to a camp because of who I am and who I love!They just love me, unconditionally!Isn’t that what family is supposed to be about?Unconditional love?!”

“Cas?”Sam finally seemed aware of him.He was blinking up at Castiel with something like wonder.

“I’m here.”He glared up at his brothers.“Help him!”

The two were exchanging a look.“So, that’s it, then?” Luci asked.“You’re choosing your sin, that faggot you think you’re in love with and his sick, perverted family, over your own flesh and blood?”

“Family doesn’t end in blood,” Castiel declared, tightening his arms around Sam.“I know where I belong.”

“Then I guess that’s that.”Balth was shaking his head.“You know, Cassie, we were kind of wondering how we were going to get you away from Dean.Never imagined you’d come right out here to us.”

Lucifer roughly seized Castiel by the upper arms.Surprised, Castiel was dragged away from Sam and onto his feet.He could hear Sam calling his name, screaming for Lucifer to stop.But Balthazar was dragging Sam away, and Lucifer was drawing back a fist.The first blow made Castiel grunt in pain.More quickly followed.Castiel dropped to his hands and knees. “Abomination!” Lucifer bellowed, delivering a hard kick to his brother’s side.“Worthless sinner!You’ve defiled your body, disgraced your family, and condemned yourself to the flames of Hell!”

In all his life, Lucifer had nearly always protected him.He’d never imagined either of his brothers could hurt him like this.The pain was more than just physical.Stunned, Castiel curled into a ball, trying to defend himself.The blows kept coming.He heard Sam scream and looked up.Balthazar had seized Sam’s broken arm and was dragging him to the end of the dock.Castiel quickly rolled over, tried to get to his hands and knees.Luci’s foot stomped down hard on Castiel’s back, forcing him onto his stomach on the dock.“Stop!” Castiel yelled.“Balth, what are you doing?!Let him go!”

Sam let out a shriek of pain, and Castiel managed to look up again.Balthazar had picked Sam up by his broken wrist and was dangling the smaller boy off the dock, over the water.“You want me to let him go?Ok!”

“NO!”There was nothing Castiel could do.Sam plunged into the pond, cracking through the thin layer of ice at the top and vanishing into the water.

Balth waved at Lucifer.“Come on, Luci!Throw that faggot in with his boyfriend.Let them keep each other warm.”

“You got it!”

Suddenly Castiel was being dragged to his feet.He was forced, stumbling, down the dock towards the water.“Lucifer, no!No, stop, you’ll kill us both!”

“You’re already dead to us,” Lucifer growled.“You died the moment you chose your sin over your family.Now your precious Dean can mourn you both!”

Dean.Of course.This was about Dean.And what better way to destroy Dean than to destroy his brother and his lover, all on one terrible night?

They were almost at the edge of the dock.Balthazar had stepped aside with a mocking bow, sweeping an arm towards the water.Lucifer had Castiel’s arms, forcing him towards the end of the dock.Castiel couldn’t see Sam.He’s gone, he thought.Sammy’s gone.My brothers killed him.Why didn’t I look for him sooner?I knew how dangerous they were.Why didn’t I realize that they’d go for Sam, knowing he was the most vulnerable?Now he’s gone.He’s gone forever.“You killed him!” he shrieked.“You killed Sammy!Murderers!”

Lucifer rolled his eyes.“We know he can swim, Cassie, stop being so dramatic.Besides, maybe it’s better if he does drown?”

“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live,” Balthazar reminded.“Exodus 22 verse 8.I don’t see why it shouldn’t apply to fags as well.”

Something inside of Castiel finally snapped.He kicked back hard, nailing Lucifer in the shin hard enough to make him yelp and let go.Screaming, Castiel went after him, punching and kicking anything he could reach.

A set of arms went around him.Balthazar, grabbing him from behind and pulling him away from his cursing oldest brother.Castiel slammed his head back.His aim was good.The back of his skull impacted with Balthazar’s mouth.Balth yelled and let go, clutching at his bleeding mouth.“Castiel, you bastard!You knocked out my tooth!You…”

Castiel closed his mouth with a punch in the jaw.Then he turned back and punched Lucifer again.“Go!” he was screaming.“Go, get out of here!Get away!Leave us alone!”

His brothers were bleeding and swearing, red-faced and furious.But whatever drug cocktail they’d taken was having more of an effect now.Their movements were sluggish.Castiel was able to dodge most of their attacks.Those that hit he could handle.He’d handled far worse.John Winchester’s instructions echoed through his brain.Stance.Hit from the shoulder.Pick your target and follow through.He hammered at his brothers, driving them back.“Just go!Go, now!”

“Oh, you sick freak!” Balth was yelling.“You want to be alone with your boy toy that much, fine!Just dive right in after him.I hope you both die of AIDS!”

“You’re going to rot in Hell, Castiel,” Luci added.

“I’ll see you there.Now go!”

They went, cursing and shouting back at him.They were leaving.But behind him, Castiel heard a splash, followed by a weak cough.Sammy.Sammy was alive, and still in the freezing water.

Summer camp came in handy.Castiel had learned about first aid, CPR, and water rescue.He started back down the dock, kicking off his shoes and shucking out of his socks, pants and shirt.He could see Sam now, a pale figure a few feet out from the dock, in the deepest part of the pond.He’d gotten turned around.His battered, freezing brain was lost in confusion.His hands were grasping at broken shards of ice.Sam’s head was slipping beneath the water when Castiel dove in.

The water didn’t feel cold.It felt sharp.When Castiel surfaced, he couldn’t breathe.Didn’t matter.Sam was all that mattered.Where was he?There, floating limply just beneath the surface of the water.He wasn’t even trying to swim now.Castiel swam towards the other boy, pulled Sam onto his chest facing up.Now he could support Sam as he swam backwards to the dock.

Sam’s eyes were closed.He was coughing weakly, but wasn’t helping at all as Castiel dragged him up the ladder onto the dock.His limbs flopped like rubber bands.He gagged, threw up into the water.Castiel didn’t think that was a good sign.He pulled Sam onto the deck and became aware of his own chattering teeth.Water from his soaked underwear was dripping down his legs in icy tracks.But Sam was far worse.He was barely conscious, beaten and broken and freezing as he lay in a puddle on the dock.He needed help.

Castiel dragged Sam to a dry part of the dock.The air was so cold that the trail of water he left on the wood was already feathering with ice.Not good.He found his clothing and quickly dressed Sam.The clothes were too large for the smaller boy, but at least they offered some scant protection from the cold.Castiel considered his socks.He put them on Sam’s feet.Then he shoved his own numb toes into his shoes.

Castiel pulled the limp, damp figure of his friend into his arms.“Sammy?” he called.“I need to get help.I’m going to run down to the school and get your brother.We’ll call an ambulance and come and get you.You just need to hold on for a little bit longer, ok?”

“Ok.”Were Sam’s lips blue?In the moonlight it was hard to tell.“Ok, I’m coming.”

That made Castiel pause.“Sam, I really don’t think you can walk,” he warned.“My brothers beat you up bad, and you’re kind of messed up in the head.No, don’t do that!”He caught at Sam’s hands.For some reason the other boy was pulling up his shirt as though about to take it off.“Listen, I need you to just lie here and wait for me.”

“I’m coming.”

“But you can’t!”He frowned.“Sammy, who are you talking to?”

“Mom.”

Cold far worse than even the icy water washed over Castiel.“No.No, Sammy, don’t!If your mom is calling you, you have to tell her she has to wait.You need to stay with me!”He gave Sam’s shoulders a shake.“Do you hear me?Stay with me!Open your eyes, look at me, and tell me that you’ll stay with me!”

Sam’s eyes remained closed.Castiel shook him harder.“Sammy!Sam, open your eyes!”

Exhausted hazel eyes blinked open, glazed and confused.But they seemed to focus on Castiel.Castiel gripped his head.His fingers crunched hair made stiff with ice.“Sam, when your mom passed, you came back to me.Now I need you to come back to me again, alright?You cannot go with your mom.I need you to stay with me.Say it!Say you’ll stay with me!”

“I-I’ll s-s-stay with y-you,” Sam managed.

“Good.Good, Sammy.Here.”Castiel pulled Sam’s arms around his own neck.“Hold your bad arm with your good hand and keep it steady.Hold on as much as you can.That’s your job.You hold onto me, and you don’t let go no matter what.Alright?”

“D-don’t let go n-no matter what.”Sammy’s arms didn’t feel human.They were cold, the skin rubbery.But they tightened around Castiel’s neck.

Castiel got his own arms under his friend and managed his feet.His body screamed in protest.He hurt.He was so tired.All he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes.No.Sam was dying.His best friend would die, unless Castiel helped him.

His underwear had grown stiff.They rubbed uncomfortably as he started walking.Sam’s arms held tight to his neck.And where he held the other boy against his chest, he finally felt some warmth.Not enough.The cold arms were proof enough of that.Turning, Castiel headed down the dock.


	42. The Mile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel faces the Mile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for aftermath of severe homophobic violence.
> 
> So along with the obvious song here, which is "You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor, MistyEyes gave me "Speechless" by Naomi Scott. She said it's perfect for Castiel here. Well, BlueRainbow is our real life Castiel. The smartest thing my prick brother ever did was marry him. He's an openly gay cop who goes out of his way, speaking to youth groups and LBGTQ groups to help kids in crisis. The guy is my brother, my angel, and my fucking hero. This song is now his ringtone on my phone.

Sam Winchester wasn’t big by anyone’s standards.The shortest boy in school, he was thin and constantly active.Sammy had always been a bundle of energy, light, and warmth.What he lacked in size he more than made up for in personality.Recently, with the things he’d gone through, his weight had plummeted alarmingly.Now that his father had returned and Castiel was living with the Winchesters, Sam had started to fill out again.It wasn’t much.But right now, Castiel was feeling every ounce his friend had added to his slender frame.

Castiel was quickly approaching six feet tall.He was far from muscular like the jocks, but he knew he’d been filling out.Dean had certainly been appreciative.Until tonight, Castiel had never been a fighter.The fight with his brothers hadn’t been fun, but he wasn’t really much worse for the wear.Jumping into the water after Sammy had taken a lot more out of him.Now he was in the fight of his life.

Sam seemed to grow heavier with every step.By the time Castiel carried him out to the road, he seemed to weigh as much as a small truck.The wind didn’t help.Every time it blew, it seemed to scour Castiel’s bare, wet skin.He was shivering with cold, shaking from exhaustion.But Sam still clung to his neck.His head was leaning against Castiel’s shoulder.Frozen strands of hair scratched at Castiel’s face.The clothes he’d put on Sammy had gotten damp from his body.Castiel just hoped they protected his friend even a little.The too-large shirt flapped in the wind, slapping against Castiel’s side.He entertained a brief mental image of himself as a race horse being slapped with a riding crop.

Focus, Castiel.Keep moving.The dance had been in full swing when he’d gone out.It would be a while before people started leaving and anyone came down this road.No one is coming to help.You’re the only hope Sam has.

Sam’s arms were still tight, but a soft snore came from his lips.Castiel frowned.“Sam!Don’t fall asleep, that’s dangerous!”

No answer except another soft snore.Desperate, Castiel intentionally jostled his friend.“Sammy!Wake up!”

Sam gave a cry of pain as his wrist was jostled.His eyes opened, looked up at Castiel.

Castiel smiled down at him.“Sam, are you hearing your mom again?”When the other boy nodded mutely, Castiel continued.“You’ve got it wrong.She’s not calling for you to come with her.She’s calling because she’s your mom, and she loves you.She knows it’s not time for you to go to her.She’s calling because she knows you need to stay awake and stay with me, ok?”

Sam’s teeth were chattering.“I’m s-so tired, C-Cas.”

“I know you are.And I know you’re cold.But…Hey!Open those eyes!Sammy, you don’t want to disappoint your mom, right?No, I didn’t think so,” he continued as Sam shook his head.“So here’s what I want you to do.I want you to sing me a song.Will you do that?”

“S-song?For you?”

“Yeah.Think of a song you want to sing me, and let’s hear it.”

Sam’s brow wrinkled in thought.Then he sighed and leaned hard against Castiel.“When you're down and troubled and you need some loving care, and nothing, nothing is going right.Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there to brighten up even your darkest night.You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am?I'll come running, to see you again.Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call.And I'll be there, yeah yeah yeah, you've got a friend.”

Sammy’s voice was low and coming through chattering teeth.But he was singing, and it was recognizable.As long as he was singing, he was awake.Castiel picked up his speed, moving into a brisk walk.A mile.It was only a mile.Great merciful God, You have told us in Matthew 5 verse 5 that the meek shall inherit the Earth.In Matthew 5 verses 10 and 11 You said blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for My sake.You went on in verse 12 to talk about a reward in Heaven, but Sammy needs You now, here.He doesn’t belong in Heaven yet.I have never stopped believing in You, Lord.I don’t believe loving Dean is a sin, but even if it is?Sam has never committed that sin.He was persecuted for a sin he isn’t guilty of.

“If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds?And that cold north wind begins to blow?Keep your head together and call my name out loud.Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door.”

One step after another.Don’t think about how your body is shaking.Don’t think about how heavy he is now.Just make your legs move.It doesn’t matter that you can’t feel your toes.It doesn’t matter that you have no idea how you’ll make it.Just do it.Step.Another step.Another.God, You have a plan for all of us.I can only beg for Your mercy, and for Your strength to accept whatever comes next.I would offer myself in Sam’s place if You would have me, Lord.I won’t try to bargain with You because Your plan is not for me to know.Just know that, for the first time, I feel as though I understand my place in that plan.All my life, I think I have been waiting for someone to save me.When You sent Dean into my life, I think I believed he was the one.But it’s not Dean’s job to save me.And if I survive this night?Then I want to dedicate my life to protecting others.I will be the savior that I’ve been waiting for, Lord.I will protect the meek and the persecuted.If it is Your plan to take Sam Winchester into Your arms tonight?Then I will do it in his name.But Lord?Please save him.Please show him Your mercy.Give me the strength to help him.Please, merciful God!

“Now, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend when people can be so cold?They'll hurt you, yes, and desert you, and take your soul if you let them.Oh, but don't you let them.”

How long was a mile?1,760 yards.5,280 feet.He’d jogged that today in gym class.It hadn’t seemed that long when he’d run out here and found his brothers with Sam.But looking ahead, the school somehow seemed even farther away than it had been when he’d started.Castiel wanted to look back, to reassure himself that he’d actually made progress.But he couldn’t.He couldn’t bear to look and see that he’d somehow gone backwards, that he was farther than ever to the school and help.He pushed aside the memory of Sammy the night they’d first walked this same stretch of road.Never mind if the Mile was actually a mile and a quarter.It didn’t matter if it was ten miles.Castiel had to get down it.

Step.Step.Step.At least the exercise helped a little with the cold.He held Sam tight and forced himself to keep walking.The night was unnaturally quiet.He couldn’t hear the music from the dance.All he could hear was the wind blowing from his right, chilling him even more.It was all he could hear.Sam had stopped singing.“Sammy?”

No answer.Sam’s arms were still around Castel’s neck, his left hand still locked tight to his injured right wrist.But his eyes were closed.He was still.So still.Too still.His face was like a marble statue in the waning moonlight.No.  Castiel jostled him again.  “Sammy!Sam, wake up!”

Sam stirred, blinked open his eyes, and Castiel nearly cried.“Sammy, you have to stay awake.Sing me that song again, ok?It’s a good song!Come on.When you’re down, and troubled…?”

“…And you need some loving care…”

“That’s it, Sammy, good!Keep singing.”

He was dying.Holding him tight couldn’t keep him here.Sammy was dying.His voice was slurring.Stumbling over the words.Faltering.His eyes were slipping shut.Castiel called him again.Once again, he woke up, started singing.But he couldn’t last.He was dying.Unless Castiel got him help, his best friend would die in his arms tonight.

Castiel looked down the road.The school was like a shining beacon of light in the darkness.“Philippians 4 verse 13,” he whispered.“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Castiel tightened his grip on his friend and started to run.His body screamed in protest.It seemed like seconds later he was gasping for air.His arms shook, wanting to drop his heavy burden.His back felt like it would snap at any moment.Every joint in his legs throbbed.His stomach wanted to heave.His heart pounded so fast Castiel feared it would give out.He ran.Sammy was crying out in his arms, bounced by Castiel’s unsteady progress.“Hang on, Sammy!” he panted.“Keep singing, ok?”

“It hurts!”

“I know.I know it does.Just hang on and keep singing!”

What he was doing wasn’t really running.It was more like falling forward.Castiel focused on falling onto his feet.He forced one leg ahead, fell forward, forced the leg to catch him.Rinse and repeat.Sam wasn’t really singing anymore.He was whimpering, occasionally managing words.His eyes were closed again, his face a grimace of pain.Good enough.Castiel hated to cause his friend pain, but at least it meant he was awake.

He could see Sam much more clearly now.The lights of the parking lot were shining on his face.He could see the ice in Sammy’s hair, see the cuts and bruises, the swollen eyes, the dark lips.Keep moving.Keep going.Almost there.Don’t drop him.Don’t collapse.So close.Just get inside, and Sammy will have help.

Finally, Castiel reached for a door with fingers that were no longer capable of sensation.The heat hit him like a welcoming, blistering wave.Castiel staggered through with his precious burden.“Help!Someone help me!Please, I need an ambulance!”

A head appeared around the corner.The eyes grew wide as they focused on the two sorry figures.Then there was more shouting.Castiel heard someone yell “Get Dean!”That was it.His legs buckled, causing him to lean heavily against the wall.His frozen underwear made a soft crunch sound.Sam’s arms were still locked around his neck.“Sammy?You’re safe now.”

“Winter, spring, summer or fall.”Sammy’s voice could barely be heard over the growing noise as people raced down the hall towards them.“All you gotta do is call.”

“And I’ll be there, yeah yeah yeah yeah,” Castiel joined.He buried his face in Sammy’s icy hair and smiled, hearing the one voice he longed above all others to hear.“You’ve got a friend.”

Dean’s face was stark white.He was screaming Sam’s name, trying to take him.Sam didn’t seem to recognize his brother.He still held tight to Castiel’s neck, crying out in pain from his broken arm.“It’s ok, Sam,” Castiel soothed.“It’s ok.It’s Dean.You can let me go now.”

“Dean.”Sam went limp, allowing his brother to pull him into his arms. 

Dean carried him away a bit, moving down the hall away from the draft of the door.There he sat down, holding his battered brother.“He’s freezing!Someone get him a blanket or something!”

Immediately, someone threw a jacket over Sam.Then another, and another, until he was cradled in his brother’s arms, covered in a pile of jackets.The chaperones were there.Someone was on the phone, calling 911.Relieved, Castiel managed his feet and stepped forward, wanting to join them.

All around him, gasps rang out.“Oh my god, look at his back!”

Castiel cringed.Here he was, in soaked, frozen underwear, his bare feet in sneakers, and nothing else.Everyone was staring at him.Their eyes crawled over the stripes of scars that flowed up and down his back.Castiel quickly crossed his arms over his chest and backed away.He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears of shame.Maybe he should go back outside?He’d freeze for sure, but that would be better than this.

Then suddenly something soft and warm was being pulled down over his head.Surprised, Castiel looked and saw a fluffy light blue knit sweater.It was being tugged onto him by a pair of determined hands.He looked up and saw a lot more of Lisa Braeden than he’d ever expected to see.She was standing there, naked except for her bra from the waist up.Her eyes were soft while she helped him with her sweater.But they grew hard when she turned to face the gawkers.Lisa put a hand on her hip and thrust her chest forward.“You want something to stare at?Here you go!Guess what, I don’t stuff!Now, can someone get him some jackets, too?He’s just as frozen as Sam is!”

“You heard her, ya bunch of idjits!”A bearded face was in Castiel’s face, Coach Singer barking orders.“Get him over with Dean and Sam and get them both warmed up.The ambulances will be here soon.I already told ‘em to send two.They both need help.”

“Come here, Cas!”Dean had an arm out.Uriel was here now, glowering at everyone as he helped Castiel move towards Dean.Castiel gratefully collapsed against his boyfriend, and Dean pulled him in.Uriel, Benny, and Lisa were piling coats and jackets around all three of them.The rest of the animals were moving the gawkers back.But Castiel was mostly aware of Dean.Dean’s strong arm was holding him close.The feel of Dean’s lips, kissing his icy skin, was divine.“I’ve got you, angel.I’ve got you.”

More jackets and coats joined the pile.Despite the warmth, Castiel was shivering violently.He could feel Sam doing the same.The chaperones were trying to keep Sammy awake with only partial success.Castiel understood.He was struggling to stay awake himself.

Coach Singer wouldn’t let him sleep.“Castiel, I think we’ve all got a lot of questions here,” he began.“Those look like your clothes Sam’s wearing.You’re in your shoes and your Fruit of the Looms, you’re both half frozen, you’ve got fresh bruises, and Sammy looks like he got hit by a truck!What happened?”

Castiel’s teeth were chattering badly now.“My brothers,” he managed, fighting to keep his eyes open.“They had Sam at the pond on the dock.Beat him up, took his clothes.I tried to stop them, but they threw him into the pond.So I fought them.After I made them leave, I undressed so I could jump in after Sam, get him out.But he was so cold!All his clothes were in the water, so I gave him mine.Then I carried him here.”

No one spoke.The music from the dance still sounded from the gymnasium, but it looked like nearly everyone was gawking in the halls.Coach Singer was looking at Castiel strangely.“You walked here from the pond, practically naked in the cold, carrying Sam after you got in a fight with two other guys and jumped into frozen water to save him?!”

“N-no, I ran most of the way.”

“Ran?!”

Dean’s arm was tight around him.Coats and jackets were piled up on all three of them, disguising the fact that Castiel was indeed practically naked.He shrank into Lisa’s sweater, wishing it could cover him more.But everything else seemed to fade when Dean kissed him again.“Thank you,” he whispered.“Thank you, Cas.I owe you everything!”

Castiel grumbled.He couldn’t recall ever feeling so cold and tired as he was now.But the chaperones kept shouting at him, demanding he stay awake.He existed in a half-daze.Somehow, despite the warm body pressed against him, Dean’s arm around him and all the coats and jackets, he felt colder than ever.He couldn’t stop shivering.Couldn’t stop his teeth from chattering.He clung to Dean until the ambulance arrived.Then he had to argue with them about if they should take him or Sam first.Castiel insisted on Sam.

Of course, that meant losing Dean.Dean kissed him again, thanked him some more.Then he was climbing into the ambulance with his brother.Alone again, Castiel felt cold for more reasons than one.But a pair of arms went around him, pulling him back against a warm chest.“Let Dean take care of Sammy,” Benny said.“I already told him I’d take care of you.”

The second ambulance was pulling in just as the one carrying the Winchesters left.Benny lifted Castiel, put him gently on the gurney.The trip to the hospital was a blur.A needle in his arm.Metallic blankets.Stickers on his chest.A cuff squeezing his arm.Benny holding his hand the entire trip.Then he was being wheeled into emergency.His heart sank when he was directed to a bed on the opposite side from where he could see Dean waiting.But Benny was there.“He’s with them,” Benny insisted.“He needs to be over with the Winchesters.That’s where he belongs.And if you don’t take him there, I swear I’ll pick him up, bed and all, and carry him over there!”


	43. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Sam and Cas fighting to recover, Dean tries to make sense of what happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for aftermath of trauma, mentions of sexual assault

Dean felt helpless, useless, and underfoot.Two beds held two battered, shivering, barely-conscious figures who represented the bulk of his world.He’d been pushed aside.He stood with Benny, leaning on his friend for support.He watched as the medical people worked, running in to grasp a hand when one or the other called for him and then moving back out of the way.Castiel and Sammy were just lying there.They barely looked alive.Their damp clothes had been removed, replaced with dry hospital gowns.Some sort of inflatable plastic blanket had been placed over each of them, attached to machines that inflated them.They looked a bit like pool floats, but they were very warm.IVs dripped fluids.Masks covered their faces, giving them warmed oxygen.Blood was drawn.They kept falling asleep, and the medical people were constantly waking them up.They’d gotten x-rays.Cas’s dear face was bruised.More bruises were on his chest, his stomach, his arms.His back bore the clear mark of a footprint.Sammy wouldn’t stop coughing.Sometimes, when he coughed, Dean could see blood flicking the inside of his mask.Sam’s face was a swollen mass of bruises, making him barely recognizable.His entire body was beaten, one bruise melting into the next until it was impossible to tell where one ended and the next began.When they pulled off his pants and Dean got a look at his brother’s groin, he nearly threw up and had to cling to Benny.Sam’s right arm was the worst.It was so bruised and swollen it didn’t look real, and visibly broken.Sam rambled, confused, asking where Dean was, where Cas was, where his parents were.Cas was confused, too.He asked over and over where he was, where Dean and Sam were, where John was, where his brothers or his sister were.He never asked about his father.Cas heard Sam asking about his mother and was starting to panic until Benny pulled the curtains between them back, letting them see each other.Then he and Dean had pushed their beds closer together so that Castiel could reach over and take Sammy’s hand.After that, they were both calmer.

How could I have been so stupid?Cas tried to warn me, but I didn’t understand.I never knew someone could be this cruel.Could do this to other people.They nearly killed Sammy.They nearly killed their own brother, just to try to punish me for loving him.I almost lost them both tonight, because I thought I knew what I was up against.I thought that I could protect them, that the animals and my own strength would be enough.My god, I was such a fool.

What Dean might have done without Benny, he would never know.The other boy was like a rock, never faltering, holding Dean up and keeping with him.“They’re safe,” Benny whispered, over and over.“They’re getting help.They’re going to be alright, Dean.”

The doctor was with Dean now, explaining things, trying to help Dean understand while he waited for his father.Cas and Sam were at a critical stage.Both were suffering from hypothermia.Cas’s temperature in the ambulance was down to 89 degrees.Sam was 87.Now they were both getting warmer, but were still in danger.Hypothermia was deadly, but never more so than when the victim was starting to warm up.It was possible they could go into shock.After everything they’d been through, they were still in danger.Dean couldn’t remember ever being more afraid.

As soon as the doctor had finished, the bone doctor was there, talking about Sammy’s x-rays.He had small breaks in some of the bones in his face, several cracked ribs.The worst injury was his right arm.He had something called a spiral fracture in his right wrist.Dean had already seen the edge of the bone, poking up beneath Sam’s skin.On the x-ray he showed Dean, Dean could clearly see the break.It looked awful.The doctor said it was because pressure had been put on the break.It would likely require surgery in order to set the bone, probably with pins attached to a frame over his arm and later a cast.They had his arm elevated and in a splint, trying to reduce swelling.They were waiting for Dean’s father to sign consents.Sam would go to surgery as soon as he was stable, probably first thing tomorrow morning.By then it would be less swollen and they could decide on a surgical approach.The doctor just wanted Dean to understand the procedure.

If Benny hadn’t been holding him upright, Dean would have collapsed.

“Where are they?I’m their father, let me though!”

Dean was never so glad to see his father.It was all the medical staff could do to keep John from pouncing on the two in the beds.In the end, Dean and Benny had to lend their aid.“They’re doing everything they can, Mr. Winchester,” Benny soothed.“But they need help.Sam especially is in bad shape.If Cas hadn’t carried him back to the school…?”

“He would have died, dad!”Now that his father was here, Dean could finally give himself permission to break down.“Cas saved Sammy tonight.He would have died!And I never even knew he’d been taken away.What kind of brother am I?I didn’t protect him, dad!Cas saved him!He fought his brothers all alone, and all I was doing was roaming around the school, asking if anyone knew where they were?Dad, they could have…They both could have…Those bastards went after them both because of me, and I didn’t even know they were gone!”

“Stop, Dean,” John ordered.“This was not your fault.”

Then Dean was sobbing on his father’s shoulder, John’s arms wrapped tightly around him, and Dean wasn’t really aware of much of anything for a time.

The next few hours were a nightmare.Jody and Donna came, wanting to talk to Sam and Cas.By now they were both far more alert.Their masks were off.Cas was alright on his own, while Sam still needed oxygen through a tube in his nose.The doctors were worried about pneumonia.Cas answered their questions as best as he could.Dean learned why Sammy’s arm was so messed up.Balthazar had actually picked him up by the broken arm, letting all of Sam’s weight dangle from it.And Cas himself had intentionally jostled it, trying to keep Sam conscious.No wonder it was so out of line.

It took longer for Sam.He had to explain the whole story, how he’d been lured to the parking lot with the note and what had been done to him.Even with his father holding him and Dean right there, Sam never let go of Cas’s hand.But he wouldn’t look at anyone.He stared at his splinted arm as he spoke and wouldn’t look up.His voice was so quiet when he talked about how they’d beaten him that Dean had to strain to hear.Even then, it was hard to hear over the pounding of his heart.Finally Sam had stopped talking altogether.Donna had turned to Dean, saying she was sorry, it was natural he was upset, but he wasn’t helping Sam like this.Could Dean please step out?Dean hadn’t realized until then just how loud he was breathing, hissing through his teeth.His fingernails had left marks in his palms.Dean felt numb when he stepped out.He couldn’t think.He couldn’t do anything except just cling to Benny and breathe.

A few minutes later, John emerged from the curtains, viciously kicked a trash can, and simply paced for a bit.The two officers came out a moment later.They began to speak with John about filing charges while the doctor went to talk to Sam again.But suddenly Sammy was shrieking.Dean shoved through the curtain to see his brother fighting, lashing out at the doctor with his good arm.“No!Don’t touch me!Get away!”

Dean was ready to fight the entire hospital if he had to.But Cas was already there.He’d jumped out of his bed, nearly ripping out his IV to climb into bed with Sam.Now Sam was clinging to him, shaking and panting, but calmer.“It’s alright, Sam,” Cas had told him, oblivious to the attempts by the nurses to get him back into his own bed.“I’m here.I won’t let anyone else hurt you.”

If Dean hadn’t loved Castiel Novak before, he would have loved him then.

John spoke for a moment with the officers before returning to Sam.“Baby boy?” he began.“No one is going to hurt you.But what you said those boys tried to do?Do you remember what happened?”

“Not really,” Sam whispered.He was still clinging to Cas, who was in danger of falling out of the narrow bed.The nurses finally resorted to pushing the two beds together.“Just bits and pieces.There’s parts that I don’t remember at all.”

John squeezed his son’s shoulder.“That’s why they need to do this.They just want to check you, Sammy.To make sure those two, that they didn’t…They need to do a rape kit, to make sure…”

Dean’s heart froze in his chest.Next to him, he could hear Benny suck in his breath.

Sam was shaking his head.“They told me what they want to do to me.I’m already bruised down there from them kicking me, and they already took pictures for the police report.They had to stick a tube in me to empty my bladder because of the swelling.I can’t take anymore, ok?I don’t want anyone else touching me!Don’t let them touch me, dad, please!Please, just take me home?”

John was at his son’s side, gently stroking his hair.He and Cas were both talking to Sam, trying to calm him.It was alright.Nothing would happen Sam didn’t allow.John would take him home as soon as he could.But he and Cas had been through a lot.They had to stay the night in the hospital, maybe longer.Cas would stay with Sam.John and Dean would be there the whole time.No one would hurt them.

Dean barely heard it.He was looking at the chair, where a plastic bag filled with Cas’s damp clothing was lying along with Cas’s trench coat, retrieved from the dance.Cas had left it behind when he’d gone looking for Sam.He’d put his own clothing on Sam because Lucifer and Balthazar had taken Sam’s.But until now, in the terror of seeing the two boys he loved most beaten, drenched and freezing?It had never occurred to Dean to wonder why, exactly, Sam’s clothing had been taken away.

What had they done?What had they done to his brother?

“What did they do to you, Sammy?”

He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud until his father frowned.“Dean?” he warned.

“I don’t know.”Sam was still clinging to Castiel with his good arm, even as his head tilted towards his father’s hand.“I remember that Lucifer was behind me, holding me, and Balthazar was in front of me.They…They were trying to force me to do oral sex.That’s all I remember before I went out.”

Benny quickly turned and moved away.Dean could hear him softly cursing behind the curtain.Dean stayed as he was.

Sam managed a smile.“It’s ok.They didn’t do anything to me, Dean.Cas saved me before they could hurt me.So they don’t need to, you know, I don’t need a rape kit.”

The tension immediately went out of John’s shoulders.But Dean could see Castiel frown.Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas, silently asking for confirmation.But Cas only looked helplessly at him and shrugged his shoulders.

No.No.Dean knelt down close to Cas, kissed him, and whispered in his ear.“Tell me you stopped it,” he pleaded.“Tell me they didn’t hurt my brother?”

Sammy was still clinging to Cas, listening as his father talked to him about the surgery he’d need for his broken arm.He didn’t seem to have any intention of letting go.And naturally, Cas wouldn’t say anything that Sam might hear.But Dean spied a notebook and pen and brought them over.Cas quickly jotted down a note, awkwardly writing with his left hand.

“I don’t know what they did to him.But it wasn’t like Sam says.When I got there, they were both standing in front of Sam, zipping up.Whatever they did, they’d already finished.”

Dean stared at the note for a long time.His silence got the attention of John and Sam, who were frowning at him.“What is it, Marine?” John asked.

“I should have been there.I should have realized that they’d go after Sammy.I should have protected him!”

“Dean, they lured me out with a note,” Sam argued.“They made me think that I’d gotten another girl in trouble.I never even suspected it was them, and I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted to find out what was going on first.They trapped me.I walked right into it.It wasn’t your fault!Besides,” he smiled at Cas, “I had an angel on my shoulder.”

But Cas still looked upset.He gave Dean a pleading look.“I’m sorry, Dean,” he said.“I knew I saw them at the dance.I should have looked for them sooner.”

“It’s ok.”Dean kissed him again.“You did everything you could do.You saved him tonight, Cas.”

“That you did, hero,” John added.His eyes were shining as he looked at Castiel.“That you did.”

“Now you just rest, and heal,” Dean soothed.“You and Sammy don’t have to worry about anything.”Cas smiled at him.

Dean could hear himself speaking.His words sounded calm, sure.John and Sam were speaking too, repeating what he’d said, assuring Castiel that he’d done the best he could do.Dean carded his fingers through Cas’s still-damp hair, kissed him again.But inside, Dean was screaming, screaming like he’d never be able to stop screaming again.

When he looked up, saw Zachariah Novak pushing his way past the privacy curtain?Nothing in the world could have kept him from launching himself at the man.He managed to get a couple good shots in before Benny appeared seemingly out of nowhere to drag him off.“Stop, brother!I get it, but this isn’t what they need.You’re only going to make it worse!”

“For the love of God!” Zach was yelling, dabbing at his bleeding nose.“Is it possible I could see my son without being attacked?!”

John was standing like the Great Wall of China between Zach and Sam and Cas.“They saw the scars on Castiel’s back,” he announced.“There’s a couple of lovely lady cops who would like to talk to you about that, and about the location of your other two sons.”

“After I see my son.”Zach’s eyes were locked on Cas.“Castiel…”

“I’m not your son,” Cas snapped.“You said that yourself.You don’t get to claim me now.”

Zach actually flinched.His eyes narrowed in anger.“In the eyes of the Lord and the eyes of the law, you are most certainly my son!”

“You lay one hand on that boy, and you will not like the result,” John warned.“We had an agreement, Novak.”

His eyes moved to John.“I’m only here to talk.”

“Then talk.”John stepped partly to the side but stayed close.Dean crouched, ready to pounce.He could feel Benny standing ready next to him.

Zach took a step closer.Sammy clung tightly to Cas, even sliding his splinted arm up to cover his friend as if to protect him.Cas still had his arms around Sam.His eyes were hard as they looked at his father.

“I understand you’re upset,” Zach began.“After what happened tonight, and all of the bad blood between us?I can certainly understand that.But Castiel, your brothers committed a crime here.There’s nothing I can do except try to get them the lightest sentences possible.And that means you and I, my most beloved son?All we have left is each other.”He gave a weak smile.“Surely this is the time for forgiveness?Remember Luke 15, chapters 11-32?”

“The prodigal son?Father, that doesn’t even…”

“Remember verse 24?For this my son was dead, and is alive again!He was lost, and is found.”He spread his hands.“I forgive you.It’s time to end this now.I’m taking you back, Castiel.You’re coming home.I’m going to transfer you out of here as soon as you’re stable, get you into a better hospital.I’ll get you the best care that money can buy.”

“Does that include Dr. Crowley’s services?”

“We’ll discuss that,” Zach said.“Right now, all I want to do is make sure that my son is safe and healthy.I’m here for you, Castiel, ready to love you as I always have.I understand.You’ve made mistakes.You’re a young man, but you’re still a child!Psalm 119 verse 9, wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way?By taking heed thereto according to thy word.I’ll do better by you this time.I want you to come home!”

“Now you want me?Now that my brothers are going to get arrested and you’ve got nothing left, now you come to me?Where was your concern when I ran away and you went to bed, never thinking about me out in the rain in freezing weather?” Cas snapped.“All my life, you preached to me.You had me study the Bible, but I don’t believe that you ever actually read it.You just used it as ammunition!It was nothing more than a choke chain around my neck, around all of our necks, that you could twist to try to control us.You used it to condemn us.But the Bible says you should love us!”

“I do love you!” Zach exclaimed.

“You beat me!You beat all of us!”

“It was discipline, Castiel.Hebrews 12 verse 11, now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous.Nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.Everything I did, I did to shape you into a godly man.”

“It was abuse, father!Psalm 103 verse 13, like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.”

That made Zach flinch, but only for a moment.“It was done out of love.That’s why I comforted you after, so you would know that your father loves you.I have always loved all of my children, but none more than you.I fought your mother for custody of you!You are my favored son!”

That made Cas’s face flush in fury.“Yes, you favored me.You have always favored me!You wanted to turn me into you because I was your favorite.You set me up to become you, pushed me into classes and activities that you liked, never even considering I might want to do something else.You beat me any time I deviated even a little from your plans for me.It was wrong, father!You put an impossible amount of pressure on me, tried to make me into something I’m not right from the start.And Lucifer and Balthazar and Hannah?It was no secret you openly favored me right in front of them!Colossians 3 verse 21, fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.But you did!That’s why Luci and Balth acted out so much, because they knew nothing they did was good enough.And that is why Balthazar and I never really got along.Because on top of you favoring me?He knew our mother was going to trade him so she could keep me!”

“Your mother was a fool and so are your brothers.What they did shames me.First Corinthians 10 verse 13, there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man, but God is faithful.He will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.Your brothers had other options.They didn’t need to do what they did.I’m ashamed that this was the path they chose.Now they must drink their bitter cups.But Castiel?God is giving you another chance.”He spread his arms towards his son as if to hug him.“I’m here to take you home.”

Castiel shook his head.“No!You’re not taking me anywhere!I’m staying with the Winchesters.”

Zach’s arms dropped.He glanced at Dean and his face twisted in disgust.“With your lover.”  He spat the word.“You want to live in filth and sin, and turn your back on God!”

“I want to live in love!Ephesians 4 verse 2, whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.I’m gay, father.That disgusts you.You gave up on me and were going to leave me behind, move to the west coast.Now you want to take me back?The only reason you want me now is because you’ve lost my brothers.But they didn’t do anything that you didn’t teach them to do, father.”

“I never taught them to do what they did tonight!”

“John 5, verse 19!Then answered Jesus and said unto them, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, the son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the father do.For what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the son likewise.’You taught them to hate, father.You did this, just as surely as if you were out at the pond tonight.”

“Castiel, that is not true!Ephesians 6 chapter 4.And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.That is all I have tried to do!”

Cas pointed.“There are two ladies in uniforms wanting to talk to you about the scars on my back that say otherwise, father.You sired me.You raised me.And I honestly believe that, in your heart, you believed that you were doing the right thing.But you abused me.You abused us all!Now your family is in pieces and you’re here to take me back, desperate to still call yourself a father.But I know my Bible, too.You tried to raise me to be what you believed was a good Christian man.I’ll never forget how you took us into the food kitchens and homeless shelters to help the needy.You made sure we grew up knowing who our savior was.But in the end, the one thing we learned most from you was your cruelty!Matthew 7, chapters 22-23, many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name, and in thy name have cast out devils, and in thy name done many wonderful works?And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you.Depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”Cas nodded.“You never knew me, father.I’m not the perfect son you tried to force me to be.And I never will be.You threw me out.I found a new family that can accept me for who I really am.I’m not going back.And now that the world knows how you beat me, I’m not afraid anymore that you’ll take me away.So goodbye, father.John Winchester is my father now.”

“You need to leave now,” John said.“You’re done.”

Zach whirled on him.“Don’t tell me when I’m finished talking to my own son!”

John stepped forward, causing Zach to take an involuntary step back.“Seems to me you’ve both said all that needs saying,” John growled.“And I see Jody and Donna have spotted you and are coming this way.Why don’t you try spouting your Bible verses off to them?I’m sure they’ll love to hear them.”

“Ok, that?” Sammy said as soon as Zach was gone.“That was the most epic Bible fight I have ever seen in my life.It’s also the only Bible fight I’ve ever seen, but wow, Cas!You really let him have it!”

“I’m not proud, Sammy,” Cas said quietly.“I told him what needed to be said.”

Sammy’s smile faltered.His grip on his friend tightened.“What’s going to happen now?” he wanted to know.“You don’t have to go back to him, right?He can’t take you away?”

Castiel suddenly seemed small.“All I want is to be left in peace.But I’m scared!I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay with you.Now that the police are looking at my father for abusing me, what’s going to happen to me?”

“You let me worry about that,” John soothed.“I’ve got some calls out to some people who might be able to help.Anyone who comes to try to take you away now is going to have to go through me.I’m not letting you go without a fight!”John’s eyes suddenly softened.He moved forward, picked up a blanket, and gently covered the two boys on the bed.“Now, I want you to just focus on getting better.Both of you.And Dean?”He narrowed his eyes.“Don’t try anything stupid!You and Benny and the rest of the animals need to just stay away from Lucifer and Balthazar Novak.The police are looking for them, alright?”He smiled at Benny.“Benny, it’s so late it’s almost early.Why don’t you go home, son, get some sleep?”

“I’m staying,” Benny announced.“Those two have to know they’ve got nowhere to run.And I’m not convinced they won’t still try something else.So I’m staying right here.They show up?They’ll be glad they’re in a hospital!Now y’all just stay with each other and rest.I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Thanks, brother.”Dean hugged his friend tightly.“I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me shit.I should have known those two would try something.If I’d been paying attention instead of getting balls deep in Andrea, this never would have happened!”

“Everyone needs to quit blaming themselves,” John called loudly.“Even Coach Singer was apologizing to me on the phone for not doing a better job chaperoning the dance.I am their father, and I was at the store when I should have volunteered to chaperone, just in case.There is plenty of blame to go around.And not one bit of it matters.It happened.Now we need to get some sleep, move on and heal.”

Heal.Dean wasn’t ready to heal yet.He moved back and checked Castiel’s trench coat.There in the pocket was the prepaid phone that his father had given Cas.It had Cas’s contacts in it.Cas had told him once that Zachariah Novak didn’t want them to have cell phones.Yet Dean knew for a fact that Lucifer had one, prepaid just like this one.He probably used it to get in touch with his drug dealers.Dean doubted many people knew about it.But he was betting Castiel did.And until recently, Castiel had kept in touch with his oldest brother.

Sure enough, when Dean slipped out and checked the contacts on Cas’s phone, Lucifer’s name was there.Both “home” and “cell” were listed.Dean waited until Sammy and Cas were being settled into their room and no one was paying him any attention to move down the hall and call.

Luci answered on the second ring.“Castiel, it’s the middle of the night, why are you calling me?”

“It’s Dean.”

Luci paused for a heartbeat.“I have nothing to say to you.”

“I think you do,” Dean told him.The rage was building in him again, making his heart pound.But somehow, Dean kept his voice steady.“I think you need to tell me just what it was that you and your brother did to Sammy out on that dock.Because the cops are here doing a rape kit, Lucifer.What are they going to find?”

Another pause, this one for so long Dean was afraid the other boy had hung up.Then Luci chuckled.“You know what a spit roast is?That something fags do?”

Dean’s free hand clenched tight enough to dig his nails into his palms again.“You raped my brother?!”

“He loved every minute of it.Why, you want a turn?”

Dean largely stopped thinking.He was already on the move, heading towards the hospital exit.“Where are you?Meet me at the pond.”

“So the cops can jump us?Or your asshole buddies from the football team?I’m not as high as I was earlier, Dean.And I’m not stupid.”

“No one is going to be there except for me,” Dean said.“You and I both know that this was really about you and me anyway, wasn’t it, Lucifer?This started with us the first day of school and just snowballed after I fucked up your drug trade, Sammy got your sister pregnant, and Castiel came to live with us.I know it was you that vandalized my car.Now you beat, raped, and nearly killed my brother.You even went after Cas!Why?Tell me why?!”

“Because you’re a faggot.”Lucifer’s voice was shockingly calm.“You should have just stayed home and kept your sick desires to yourself, Dean.But you didn’t.You had to drag everyone else into sin right along with you!”

“That’s your excuse?You did all this because you hate me for being gay?!”

“Not so proud now, are you?”

Dean breathed through his nose.“You couldn’t just leave it between you and me, could you?Instead, both of your brothers are involved!It’s time to end it.”

Luci laughed.“You stupid fucking hayseed!You think you can take the both of us on?You know you’re going to end up just like your brother, right?”

“One way to find out.”Dean had reached the elevator leading to the parking lot.His hands were already in his pocket, fishing for the key to his father’s truck.“I’m going out to the pond now.Let’s settle this.If you two beat me, I don’t give a shit what you do to me.But that’s not going to happen.The cops are looking for you.You’ve got nowhere to run.Turn yourselves in, or come and face me.”Dean knew which choice Luci would take.

“See you soon,” Luci confirmed.Then the line went dead.


	44. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean faces Lucifer and Balthazar at the pond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW, homophobia, homophobic violence, mentions of non-con
> 
> MistyEyes picked "Warrior" by the Phantoms for this chapter. I thought it was a little over the top, but my prick brother loved it. He actually is the one who wrote this chapter with MistyEyes, the actual fighting. I just put it together.

If the police had been out to the pond, they were long gone.The temperature had plummeted into the 20’s and the moon had gone down.The result was a cold, dark wait.Trying to keep himself calm.Trying to stay warm enough that the cold wouldn’t slow him down.Thinking about what he would do.Dean’s footsteps crunched through frost as he paced around, waiting for the arrival of the Novak brothers.

He didn’t have long to wait.He was by the dock, pacing to keep warm in the frigid air when he heard the car drive up, parking near his father’s pick-up.Next came footsteps and the occasional curse as they made the long trek down the path in the dark.Dean didn’t turn around until they were close.

Dean had found one of his father’s hunting lanterns in the back of the truck and set it up at the end of the path, a short distance from the dock.By its light, he could see Lucifer and Balthazar.They were grinning as they came closer.“I do not believe this,” Luci said.“You really did it!You really came out here, all by your lonesome, to face us both?”

“He must want it bad,” Balth called.“What, Cassie not giving it to you enough?”

“I’m not here to talk about my relationship with Castiel,” Dean said.He stayed where he was, just outside of the range of the light.From his position, he could clearly see his opponents, while he himself remained shrouded.

“I’m not really in a talking mood anyway,” Luci said.“Your family has pretty much ruined ours, Winchester.We’ve been hiding out all day with friends.The cops are after us.I tried calling our father, and he screamed at us to turn ourselves in.So the fact is, we have nothing left to lose.”Lucifer spread his hands.“Coming out here?That was a huge mistake, Dean.Because making you pay is pretty much all I’ve got left right now.”

“Tell me what you did to Sammy,” Dean insisted.“I need to know what you did to my brother.”

“Why?” Luci asked.“What difference does it make?”

“Tell me what you did to him!”

Luci shrugged.“I already told you what we did.”

“You raped him?”Dean’s hands were tight fists.“You raped my brother!”

“We let him warm our dicks with his mouth, and I gotta tell you, it wasn’t as good as advertised,” Balth said.“I thought fags gave great blowjobs, but he didn’t seem to care what we did to him.He was just limp.We had to hold him up and everything, had to get creative to make it good.Of course, he was beat to shit, but still…”

Dean launched himself at Balthazar, driving the other boy to the ground on his back.He got in a couple of good hits before Lucifer plowed into him.

When Dean had gotten into a fight with Luci and Balth after he’d caught Balth bullying his brother, he’d suspected he could win it.Benny showing up had certainly tipped the odds in Dean’s favor.But while Lucifer and Balthazar were fighters, Dean Winchester had decided at the age of 13 that he’d wanted to follow his father’s footsteps into the military.The day he’d told his father this, John’s eyes had filled with tears of pride.From that day forward, John had started training Dean to fight like a Marine.Now that he’d enlisted, he’d studied everything he could on MCMAP training and techniques.Dean Winchester would never be an honor student, but he knew how to fight.

Luci had an arm around Dean’s neck.Dean caught the elbow, dropped forward a bit and jerked down hard, ducking his chin between the elbow and his throat.He kicked a leg back, caught Luci’s ankle.At the same time, he threw his own elbow back hard into Luci’s chest.Luci grunted, stumbled, and went down.Dean turned slightly and brought up his arm to block Balth’s attack.A leg sweep sent Balth crashing to the ground.

But Luci was tougher, and quicker, than Dean anticipated.He’d twisted around, kicked at Dean’s ankles.Dean spotted the movement and tried to dodge a moment too late.The heel of Luci’s shoe made his ankle sting.Dean stumbled, almost went down.Balth was back up, coming low.Dean’s elbow caught him, knocked him aside.But he was off-balance, and Luci’s next kick at his legs brought Dean to the ground.

Now it was a ground brawl.Good.

Dean had never won a sparring match with his father.The closest he’d come was during grappling matches on the ground.Dean’s power was centered in his shoulders.On the ground, he could use that power to his greatest advantage.He focused his attentions on Luci, primarily defending against Balth.With two opponents, Dean couldn’t use submission holds, which were his best moves.He focused instead on quick, punishing strikes designed to wear down his opponent.

Luci seemed to realize he was outmatched.The anger in his eyes was still there, but the initial cockiness was gone, replaced with an uncertainty.He twisted his body, shoving and kicking at Dean, trying to get away.Dean stayed with him like a wood tick.“Balth!Get this fucker off of me!”

“I’m trying!”

“Try harder!Come on, get him off me!”

“Alright!”

Pain, sharp, sudden pain to the back of Dean’s right shoulder.Dean looked back in time to see Balthazar drawing back the bloody blade of a knife for another strike.He lashed back with his elbow, ignoring the pain of his stab wound to land a vicious strike on Balth’s ribs.The other boy cried out, falling back.Dean quickly rolled away, getting to his feet.He stripped off his jacket, looking into his collar to try to examine the wound by the light of the lantern.All he could see was blood.“You stabbed me!”

“Stab him again,” Luci urged.He’d also gotten to his feet, panting as he glared at Dean.The cockiness was back in his eyes.“Cut this fucker up, Balth!”

“Gladly!”

Dean rapidly considered his options.His wound was deep, but based on location, Dean didn’t judge it to be serious.It wasn’t one of the primary or secondary target areas of his body, which meant he wasn’t in immediate danger.But already, his arm was getting stiff.Blood poured down his back, soaking his shirt.He was right handed.Now his right arm was seriously impaired, and Balth was coming at him again with his knife.

Options.Stopping to check his wound had been a mistake he was only now realizing.His jacket could have provided him with some protection, but he didn’t have time to slide it back on.Besides, John had taught him that when facing an armed opponent while unarmed, his survival depended on offensive, not defensive, thinking.He couldn’t waste time worrying about getting cut again.He had to take the fight to his opponent, put Balthazar on the defensive.But Lucifer was back up, trying to circle around and trap Dean.

Balth slashed at him, forcing him to move away.In seconds, Dean’s mind flashed through what he’d been taught from his father, what he’d learned studying MCMAP.One mind, any weapon.A Marine could utilize anything as a weapon, or their own body.Focus.Utilize your surroundings.Don’t be a one-trick pony.Change things up.Keep your opponent off balance.Surprise them.

Dean mentally switched gears.He got back into his warrior stance and held his right hand up to defend, adjusting to attack with his left hand.He backed up quickly, moving mostly by memory.When he judged he’d reached the fire pit, he quickly reached down, snagging up a piece of charred firewood.Grasping it firmly in his left hand, he raised it over his left shoulder.

This brought a laugh from Luci and Balth.“Aw, look, Balth!” Luci mocked.“He’s got a scary stick!I’ve heard of bringing a knife to a gunfight, but I’ve never seen anyone bring a stick to a knife fight!”

“Let’s shove it up his ass!”

“Good idea!”

“Come get it and you can try it,” Dean offered.

Balthazar came at him.As soon as he was in range, Dean executed a perfect vertical strike, rotating his hips and shoulders to direct the force of his blow through the other boy’s body.

Balth gave a howl of pain.His weapons arm dropped as Balth clutched at it.Dean followed with a forward strike, then a reverse strike.Balth stumbled backwards.Somehow, he kept hold of the knife.

Luci had been frozen in place, shocked at the way the tables had turned once again.Now he charged at Dean.He dodged Dean’s attack, feinted, and came low, lunging at Dean’s legs as Balth came back.Dean dodged, spinning quickly out of the way.He faced Balth at an angle, raising his stick.He blocked the knife with his stick and Balth’s arm with his own arm.His stick landed squarely on Balth’s knuckles.The knife fell.“Fuck!Luci!”

Now it was a struggle for the knife.Luci had picked up a stick of his own.It was much larger than Dean’s, from the firewood pile rather than the pit.He had reach over Dean.But he had no real idea how to fight with his weapon.Dean knew he could disarm him with little effort.But right now, he needed to focus his attentions on the knife.He kicked out with one foot, knocking the weapon behind him.He struck out at the two brothers, kicking the knife behind him, keeping his body between it and his opponents.He heard it clatter out onto the dock and quickly lost it in the shadows.Good.Dean moved away, not wanting to get trapped against the water.With two opponents, he needed to be able to move.

Luci swung at him with his stick.Dean blocked with his own, catching the stick with his own and Luci’s arm with his forearm.At the same time, he lashed out with his bad arm, driving Balth back.

Lucifer had selected a long stick from the wood pile.It, like Dean’s own, had been lying exposed to the elements for some time.But Dean’s was fire hardened.Luci’s stick broke with a sharp snap and a curse from its owner.Dean landed a vertical strike and the broken stick went flying from Lucifer’s hand.He turned, catching Balth’s clumsy charge and landed a hard blow on Balth’s wrist.Balthazar howled in pain and Lucifer swing at him, forcing Dean to step back again to get back into position.

But now Dean’s luck ran out.In the darkness he stumbled over something on the ground.The ankle that had been grazed earlier turned and Dean went down.Immediately, both boys were on him.Dean quickly threw his stick out of reach, knowing it would most likely become a liability in a ground fight, and started fighting.His shoulder was getting stiff, further hindering him.Finally, Balth pinned one of Dean’s arms, Luci the other, and all three stopped, panting.

Dean did a quick evaluation.The Novaks were both panting.It was clear they’d never expected this fight to go down the way it had.Balthazar was favoring one wrist.Both boys were shaking, using all their weight to pin Dean down.Dean smiled.“You can’t beat me,” he called.“I’m going to kick both of your asses.I’m going to make you pay for what you did to Sammy and Cas!”

In a fight, a significant portion of the actual battle took place in the mind, not the body.Dean’s voice projected nothing but sure confidence.His body was relaxed.Luci and Balth were straining to hold him down while Dean was lying quietly, regaining his breath and his strength.He gave no indication of the pain he was in from his shoulder.And from what little he could make out of the look the two gave each other?The Novak brothers were more than a little concerned that they couldn’t win this fight.

Then Balth gasped.“Hold him, Luci!I see it!”

That didn’t sound good.Dean looked and saw where Balth was looking.His attention was fixed on the dock.There in the darkness, something gleamed in the light of the lantern.

The knife.

Dean was moving as soon as Balth let him go, punching viciously at Luci.Unfortunately, Balth had been pinning his right arm.His injured shoulder robbed Dean of much of his power.Luci grunted but didn’t fall back.Instead, he tried to straddle Dean, grabbing for Dean’s free hand.He clearly was hoping to pin Dean again.Not happening.Dean twisted, bridging his body up and to the side.Luci pitched sideways.Dean jerked his left hand free and brought it up sharply.A moment later, he had Luci off of him and was scrambling to his feet.

Too late.He could barely make out the shadowy figure of Balthazar running on the dock.He was reaching down, trying to scoop up the knife.“Balth, stop!That dock is…”

The telltale glistening that covered part of the dock was the only warning Balth had.The section of the deck where the knife had landed was still wet from Castiel’s actions tonight.Now, that water was frozen into a thin trail of ice along the dock.Would Balth have recognized his danger if he’d seen it?No way to know.By the time Dean started out after him, it was already too late.Balth’s feet slid on the icy wood of the dock.He cried out once in surprise.His hands scrabbled for purchase.But nothing could stop his momentum.With a crack and a splash, Balthazar Novak vanished into the pond.

“Balthazar!”

Lucifer’s scream rang in Dean’s ears.Then he was charging forward, trying to push past Dean and go after his brother.Dean barely managed to grab him.“Stop!You can’t help him if you fall in after him.Luci, grab that lantern!” Dean ordered.“The lantern, Lucifer!Bring it over here, quick, so we can see him!”

Luci stared at him blankly for a moment.Then he nodded and went for the lantern.Dean forced himself to slow down, to watch his own treacherous footing on the ice.Lucifer had the lantern, bringing it to the dock.“Ok, good, Luci!Now I need you to hold it up, off to the side a bit.I need to be able to see where he fell in.”Dean searched the water.There.Beneath the surface along the side of the dock, Balthazar was scratching weakly at the ice.Dean lay down flat on the dock, drew back his arm, and cracked the thin ice with the base of his palm.Balth immediately surfaced, gasping and coughing.Dean grabbed for the other boy’s flailing hand.“Balth!Come on, I’ve got you!Luci, put the lantern down on the edge of the dock there and help me drag him up!”

Once again, Luci obeyed without question.He seized his brother, helping Dean drag the shivering, gasping younger boy safely up onto the deck.Dean breathed a sigh of relief.He got to his feet, feeling more cold and exhaustion than he’d ever imagined.His shoulder throbbed dully.

Lucifer had stripped off Balth’s jacket and given him his own.Now he was also getting to his feet.His eyes went to Dean.They flicked towards the knife on the dock.

Dean quickly kicked it into the water.

Lucifer lunged at him.

Dean stepped to the side, heels tempting the edge of the dock.He caught Lucifer, taking advantage of the older boy’s momentum to flip him and drive him down hard.Luci landed flat on his back on the dock.The dock shook.

Lucifer snarled in fury.He got to his knees and swung at Dean again.The attack was pure anger, no real mindset behind it at all.Dean easily caught Luci’s fist, grabbed his arm with both hands, and twisted.

A snap.A cry of pain.Lucifer dropped back to the dock, cradling his arm.Dean eyed Balthazar, saw the younger boy glaring up at him in hatred.But he made no move to attack.Balth stayed as he was, shivering and dripping in the cold.

“It’s over,” Dean told both boys.“I’m going to go back over there, get my jacket, throw it over Balthazar, and call for an ambulance before he freezes to death.Luci, stay with him.And so help me, if you attack me again, I’m throwing you both into this pond!”

No one attacked Dean.

When Dean explained the situation to 911, two ambulances and a police cruiser arrived.For the second time that night, Dean was in the back of an ambulance.This time, he was the patient.A familiar paramedic was shaking her head as she cut through Dean’s shirt and pressed a bandage to his knife wound.Dean answered questions and obediently held still.His ambulance waited while the first unloaded a half-frozen Balthazar.Lucifer was escorted in behind him by police, still cradling his broken arm.Then Dean insisted on walking in on his own, clutching bloody gauze to his shoulder.

His father was waiting for him at the ER.“What the hell were you thinking, Marine?!” John bellowed.“Going out alone like that?!”

Dean straightened.He’d been prepared for a dressing down.But suddenly John was embracing him.His father’s tears were hot on the side of Dean’s face.“I already lost Mary!If I’d lost any of you boys tonight?” John was whispering.“I couldn’t have gone on.”

That made Dean cringe.He couldn’t meet his father’s eyes when John let him go.His father hovered, watching as the medical people pulled off the rest of Dean’s shirt and removed the gauze, revealing the wound.Dean heard him suck in his breath.“You got stabbed with a knife?!”

“Yes, sir.”Dean could barely speak.“I forgot they had it.Honestly, I would have probably gone out there anyway.”

“You stupid motherfucker!”John was getting looks.

“Yes, sir.They hurt Sammy, dad!They said…”

“I don’t care what they said.It’s over.Just let it be over.”John was clutching Dean’s hand now.“Sammy is safe, Castiel is safe, and now you are, too.At the moment, that is the only thing I care about.But I suspect Benny’s going to punch you.”


	45. Concessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John must navigate a legal mine field for his sons

John Winchester hated politics.He hated politicians even more.Those who were sitting at the table with him now were not immune.But he needed them.John had already decided that he would do whatever it took to get justice for his sons and keep Castiel.

Still, he was feeling outgunned.Novak’s lawyer was here, along with a woman named Janet Grice from Family Services.John had already spent the past hour talking with her.John had made a few calls, asking for assistance.Now the city comptroller was here, as well as an assistant to the mayor.Despite the fact that he’d called them, John couldn’t help feel that they’d greeted Novak’s lawyer with a bit too much friendliness.John wasn’t afraid to fight.But this was a fight in an arena where he had no experience and his opponent had all the advantages.

“Mr. Winchester, before we begin, I have been asked, on behalf of my client, to issue you a formal apology,” Novak’s lawyer began.“My client wishes to make it very clear that he neither encouraged nor supported the actions of his sons.Mr. Novak…”

“Those boys behaved precisely the way they were raised,” John said.“The man is a bigot, a homophobe, and an abusive bastard.He tortured all four of those kids!”

“That has not been substantiated,” the lawyer protested.

“Let me bring Cas in here and we can change that!”

“John?”Dave Birmingham was a friend John had known since high school.John had helped with his campaign when he’d run for city comptroller, putting the man’s sign in his yard.He’d told John that there was little he could do, but he would be there to give advice and lend whatever assistance his influence could provide.John was grateful for his presence.But, he reminded himself, Dave was a politician.Now he was giving John a politician’s smile.“We’re not getting anywhere by being hostile.  Both of those boys were arrested.We’re here today to discuss where we go from here.”

The lawyer was smiling sympathetically at John again.“I completely understand your reaction, Mr. Winchester,” he said.John suppressed the urge to punch him.“If it was my own child we were speaking of, I imagine I would feel the same.But right now, for the purpose of this discussion, I need to ask you to take a breath and step back.Now, no one denies that some terrible things happened out at that pond.That’s not in dispute.What we’re here to discuss are the facts, the details of the case, and how they relate to those involved.There is no room for emotions in the legal process.”

“Am I in court now?” John wondered.“And here I thought this was just an informal discussion!”He raised a hand as the lawyer opened his mouth again.“I get it.I’ll do my best to keep my cool.So let’s talk.They arrested those boys, but now I’m hearing some sort of bullshit about charges against Dean?”

The mayor’s assistant cleared her throat.“I think it’s best if we start at the beginning.As an impartial party, I would like to offer my services to arbitrate this meeting.There will be no official minutes, nothing on the record, just an informal discussion.Any objections?”

“I’m fine with that, with the understanding that nothing decided here will be binding until I can present it to my client,” the lawyer said.

“Yeah, I want to be able to talk to a lawyer before I sign anything,” John said.No one needed to know he couldn’t afford a lawyer.Didn’t matter.If these fuckers really were going to press charges against Dean, he’d find a way.

“Of course.Then let’s begin.”She opened a folder in front of her and frowned at her printed notes.“According to what I’ve been given, there has been tension between Lucifer and Balthazar Novak and Dean and Samuel Winchester since the beginning of the school year.Off the official record, I understand there are allegations of homophobia here, relating to Dean Winchester identifying as homosexual and the Novak family’s religious beliefs.But Samuel Winchester identifies as heterosexual?What, then, was the reason for the animosity with him prior to his interactions with Hannah Novak?”

“You tell me,” John grunted.“Balthazar saw a kid smaller than he was, and decided to bully him.”

“At this time, I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to that question,” the lawyer admitted.“But the real problem came about because of the sister, Hannah.”

“Actually, that doesn’t seem to be the case,” the assistant corrected.She tapped a finger on her notes.“It says here that there was a fight at the school involving the Winchester brothers, the two oldest Novak boys, and another boy over the bullying of Samuel Winchester.Samuel alleged that he, his brother, and Castiel Novak had been threatened by Balthazar Novak with a knife?”

“No knife was ever found,” the lawyer piped up.“To date, no one has found any evidence of this alleged knife.”

“That’s because Dean kicked it into the pond!” John exclaimed.“Now I’m hearing there’s talk about tearing down the dock and filling in the pond?”

The assistant cleared her throat.“It’s a known teenage party location.Considering what happened there, the thought was that removing the temptation would be best all around.The decision was unanimous.”

“Well, that’s pretty fucking convenient for the Novaks, isn’t it?I get it,” John called, seeing the assistant straighten her shoulders.“Taking away the kids’ party spot to try to protect them.Never mind that they’ll just find another, and now the poor kids have to pay for the city pool in the summer.Bottom line, they fill in the pond, and the knife is gone forever.But it seems to me, we don’t need the knife.That little shit stabbed my Marine in the shoulder with something.If it wasn’t a knife, then what was it?Sure as hell wasn’t chewing gum!”

“I’m inclined to agree with Mr. Winchester,” the assistant called as the lawyer opened his mouth.“There’s no question that Dean Winchester was stabbed.We’ve got the ER reports to prove it.We may not have recovered the knife, but we did recover several items of Samuel Winchester’s clothing with cut marks present.There’s ample evidence that, at some point, someone directly involved in both incidents did possess a bladed object.”

The lawyer’s face was expressionless.“I think all parties can agree that there has been some long-standing animosity between these two families, even before the incident with Hannah Novak.”

“I’d say,” John growled.“Zachariah got in my face at my wife’s funeral!”

“And you physically assaulted him!”

“Damn right I did!”

“Alright, please stay calm,” David called.“The funeral was a difficult time all around.But we need to focus on the children here.”

The lawyer frowned.“I’m afraid this is very pertinent to the children.Mr. Winchester was drunk at the funeral.His drinking continued until he finally was arrested after a DUI.This is a fact that must be taken into account.”

“Fine, I’m a recovering alcoholic,” John admitted.“But I have never beaten my sons.My drinking didn’t cause what happened out at the pond.”

“No more than my client’s religious beliefs did.”

“Are you serious right now?!”

“Alright!” the assistant called.Her voice sounded a bit strained.“Again, let me focus everyone’s attention on the facts of this case.Now, all parties acknowledge that there was animosity between the families prior to the incident with Hannah Novak, correct?Good.Then let’s discuss Miss Novak.Despite the animosity, Hannah Novak began a sexual relationship with Samuel Winchester.It ended, and some time later, she discovered she was pregnant.Are we certain Samuel Winchester is the father?”

“Sammy says he is,” John said.“Not like a paternity test was done, but Sammy believes he’s the father.That’s why he went over to the Novak house, wanting to marry the girl.”

For the first time, the lawyer blinked in surprise.“You’re certain of that?I was not informed of this.”

“It would be easy enough to check!” John declared.“Sammy left school, went to the court house and got paperwork for a marriage license.But by then, Zach already sent the girl away.Bastard threw my baby boy off of his porch!Second time he put his hands on my boys because he pushed Dean before that when he’d tried to visit Cas.But that’s beside the point.Sammy went to the house, wanting to do the right thing.Zach Novak never gave him that chance.Sammy lost his child, and that was bad enough.But that motherfucker took it further when he beat Castiel!No, I’m saying this,” he shouted over the warnings.“Zachariah Novak tied his own son to a bed with a necktie and beat his back with a switch until he was bleeding!He’d already had locks and bars on the rooms of all four of those kids, caging them up like animals.Now he beat Castiel and was going to send him to some damned ‘Pray away the gay’ camp run by some quack doctor!So Cas ran away, and that’s how I got involved.I was released the day after Dean brought my hero home…”

“I’m sorry, your what?”

John ignored this.“Now, I knew Cas.He’d been a huge help when Mary died.It was rough on all of us, but Sammy?My baby boy took that so hard!Went catatonic, and I was in no shape to help him.Cas really brought him back.He was a huge help to Dean, to me..To be honest, I don’t know how we would have gotten through if it hadn’t been for him.Castiel Novak propped our family up when it would have collapsed.So when that dear, sweet boy was in my house, and I saw the marks his so-called daddy had put on him?”His eyes moved to Grice.“Castiel is my hero.I am keeping him!I know you’re removing him from his home, and I want to adopt him.”

“We’ll discuss that,” Grice said calmly.

“So now, both Hannah and Castiel were out of the home,” the assistant said.“Is it safe to say that this increased the animosity felt by the older Novak brothers towards the Winchesters?”

“It’s hard to imagine that not being the case,” the lawyer said evasively.

“And so, on the night in question, Lucifer and Balthazar Novak lured Samuel Winchester into the parking lot outside of the Lawrence High School,” the assistant said.“They allegedly abducted him and took him out to the pond, where they allegedly beat him.”

“Leaving him covered with alleged bruises, with multiple alleged fractures,” John grumbled.“All of which can be allegedly confirmed by alleged x-rays and alleged hospital reports!”

“It’s alleged until they’re convicted, John.”

“I know that, Dave.Still pisses me off.Sorry, ma’am, go on.”

“At some point, they utilized a bladed object to remove his clothing.”

“And then they, allegedly, sexually assaulted him!” John said.“My baby boy’s traumatized, can’t even say what happened.Cas can’t be sure they didn’t flat-out rape him.Dean thinks they actually did, mostly because that’s what those two bastards told him they did!”

“There’s no evidence of any sort of sexual assault,” the lawyer protested.“No rape kit was done.”

“Because Sammy was too traumatized to allow it!I’m still pissed as hell that I didn’t try harder, get him to calm down and let them do it.I just wanted so badly to believe those fuckers didn’t touch him.I thought I was doing the right thing.I believed him when he said Cas stopped it.But then Castiel said they weren’t where Sammy said they were, and Dean said that they told him…!”John rubbed at his face.“Now we’ll probably never know exactly what they did to my son.The only good thing is that Sammy doesn’t remember it.Or at least he claims he doesn’t.But no matter what happened, it would have been worse if my hero hadn’t gone out there.”

“Castiel Novak fought with his brothers and was able to stop the attack,” the assistant continued.“During the attack, Samuel had fallen into the pond.”

“Yeah, he fell in because he was dragged over, lifted up by his broken wrist, and thrown in!And don’t say ‘allegedly,’ Castiel saw them do it!”

The assistant chose not to respond to that.“Castiel dove in after him, dragged him out, put his own clothing on Samuel, and carried him to the high school for help.”

“He saved Sammy, nearly died himself.They were both so hypothermic it was touch and go when they got to the hospital,” John recalled.“The whole town’s still talking about it.You know the high school kids are calling that stretch of road ‘Castiel’s Mile’ now?But it was so close!My god, I was so scared I’d lose them both!That’s why I wasn’t paying attention to Dean as much as I should have been.I finally got Sammy and Cas settled in, looked around, and Dean was gone.My damned Marine had figured out a way to find those sons of bitches and dish out his own form of justice!”

“Which leads to the charges against Dean Winchester,” the lawyer said.“My client alleges that Dean lured his sons to the pond using their brother’s cell phone, intending to take justice into his own hands.I understand Dean has some sort of military training?”

“Dean enlisted in the Marines,” John confirmed.“I taught him some fighting techniques, but it’s not like I’m a qualified trainer.What’s your point?He’s not the one who went out there with a knife, is he?”

“My point is that Dean Winchester was the aggressor here,” the lawyer insisted.“He lured the Novak brothers out there intending to attack them.If a knife was used, it was used in self-defense.”

“Two on one, one of them armed, after they already nearly killed Sammy and Cas, and Dean’s the bad guy?” John asked, incredulous.“I already told the police I wanted to press charges against those two for what they did to my sons!What’s next?You going to try to charge Castiel for kicking their asses to save Sammy?!”

“John, listen to me,” Dave began.“Dean did something everyone here understands when he went after those boys.But the fact is, Dean admitted he lured those two out there.Dean and Lucifer are both legal adults, but Balthazar is only 17.And Dean knew he had the skills to fight them both.”

“Those motherfuckers had a knife!” John roared.“I will press charges as hard as I possibly can, make sure neither of them ever breathes the free air again, for what they did to my boys!”

The lawyer cleared his throat.“My client has authorized me to offer you a deal.His sons acted brashly.Your son responded just as brashly.Therefore, in exchange for you and Dean dropping the assault and weapons charges against Lucifer and Balthazar Novak in relation to Dean?The Novaks will drop all charges against Dean Winchester in relationship to Lucifer and Balthazar.Otherwise, we will push for Dean’s immediate arrest.”

“Fuck you!” John roared, leaping to his feet.

“John!”Dave had John’s shoulders.“John, listen to me.It’s time to think about Dean’s future.If he’s arrested, if he’s charged with anything?What’s going to happen to him?How’s that going to affect him going into the Marines?If there’s a court trial, and it goes on an official record that he’s in a sexual relationship with another male?”

John’s fist slammed into the table, making everyone jump.“Fuck!FUCK!” he bellowed, punctuating the word with another blow.“Am I the only one in this room who sees how fucking ridiculous it is that my boy won’t be allowed to lay down his life for his country because of who he loves?!”

“No, of course not,” the mayor’s assistant said calmly.“Personally, I find that policy abhorrent.But it’s not something that anyone here can change, John.And the fact is, the deal that’s on the table is the best thing for Dean.I strongly suggest you take it.”

“So everything that happened between Dean and the Novak brothers gets brushed off as ‘boys will be boys?’Is that what you’re telling me now?”

“That’s an oversimplification,” the lawyer said.“But essentially, yes.”

John wanted to smash furniture, preferably over the balding, sweaty head of Zachariah Novak.Instead, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and thought about Dean.“Alright.I’ll agree to that.But only for the charges related to Dean.The charges from Sammy and Castiel are a different story!”

“We’ll talk about that, but you’re doing the right thing for Dean,” Dave urged quietly.“It’s the best option.”

John took another deep breath.“I’m sorry, Marine,” he muttered.Then he pointed at the lawyer.“Novak tries to fuck me over on this, and I will end him,” he warned.

“Is that a threat?”

“Take it to the bank, motherfucker!”

Dave grabbed John’s arm.“John!”

“Alright!”John leaned back in his chair and forced himself to calm.

The assistant cleared her throat.“Let’s talk about the incident with Samuel.”

“Let’s,” John agreed.“Because there will be no deal on that one.They tried to kill my baby boy.They tried to kill their own brother!”

“Both boys were under the influence…”

“Oh, hell no!” John called.“I do not give a cold shit how high those fuckers were.They knew enough to lure Sammy out, drive him out to the pond, beat him and then sexually assault him.They knew enough to argue with Cas, beat him too, and try to throw them both in the pond.The only way they’re getting way with that is if the judge is just as high!”

The lawyer cleared his throat.“There’s no question an assault of some type took place.However, there are a number of discrepancies concerning exactly what happened…”

“Let me walk over to the hospital and have the doctor in the ER tell you exactly what happened,” John offered.

The lawyer sighed deeply.Then, to John’s surprise, he turned to the mayor’s assistant.“Help me out?I’m afraid he’s just too emotional to listen to reason.”

“John?” the assistant began.“After you called the mayor’s office, he had a meeting.This town?It’s always been a safe place to live.But lately, this drug problem?It’s changing things.People are afraid to go out at night.The police are overworked, chasing down druggies.Seems like they stop one dealer and another springs up to take over.There’s been a huge spike in crimes, robberies, muggings.But this?”She shook her head.“Things like this don’t happen here.Sex and drugs and violence…”

“And homosexuality?”

“That’s not the issue and you know it.”

“Do I?”

She pinched her lips together.“John?Think about Sammy.He had the surgery on his arm?”

“Yeah.”John sank back in his seat.“It went well, but there was a lot of damage.Sammy’s still growing.Maybe, by his senior year, he can cheer again.But not next year.They said he’s likely going to have to sit next year out, at least the stunts and competitions.All he can do is just cheer from the sides.He loves being a cheerleader.And those bastards took that from him!Now what the hell are you telling me here?”

“Things at the pond got out of hand,” the lawyer offered.“The reasons why don’t matter.There is no excuse, none that anyone can offer, for what those boys put your son through.Both boys are willing to plead guilty in exchange for a reduction in sentence.That will spare Samuel a trial…”

“And get them a reduced sentence?!No fucking way!And what about Cas?”

“As the boy’s legal guardian, Mr. Novak is not pursuing charges in relation to Castiel Novak.In the interest of not pitting one brother against the other two…”

John raised his hand, and the room went silent.“Don’t.Do not sit here and try to get me to agree to just shove this whole thing under the carpet.Could you do it, if it was your kids?”

After a moment, Dave spoke again.“John?The Novak family is already moving out of the area, going to the west coast.Zachariah Novak has to answer for what he did, but just how far are you willing to go for revenge?Hannah is safe with her aunt.Grice is here to discuss Castiel.Both of the older boys will be doing time for what they did to Sam, without him having to go up on the stand and talk about everything that led to that night.This whole thing can end today, right here and now.Everyone can go on with their lives, and your family can heal.But if you force this to a trial?Then Dean’s sexuality comes out.Sammy has to talk about what happened with Hannah, and whatever might have happened at the pond.And Castiel has to testify against his own brothers!Is that really worth it?Is it worth putting them all through that?”

“Mr. Novak has already offered to cover any outstanding medical bills,” the lawyer said.

“Yeah, I bet he did,” John said, bitterly.“That bastard thinks he can buy his way out of anything.And if y’all get your way, that’s exactly what will happen!What the hell do you want from me?!What am I going to go back and tell my boys?”

“That it’s over,” Dave said.“That they’re safe.”

Safe.That was what he really wanted.For his boys to be safe.But John shook his head.“What about Castiel?I want to adopt him.”

“Absolutely not!” the lawyer snapped.“The boy has been removed from the home, but Mr. Novak still retains parental rights.Under no circumstance will he agree to terminate them.My client wishes to discuss what measures need to be taken to have Castiel returned to his custody.”

“Not happening!” John said.“He beat that boy, and I’ll be damned if he’s getting him back!”

The lawyer made a face.“Ms. Grice?”

“While Castiel has been legally removed from his custody, Zachariah Novak has not had his parental rights terminated,” Grice confirmed.“That would require a hearing in court.”

“Fine,” John said.“What do we have to do to get this hearing going?”

“That’s not something you can rush,” Grice warned.“And assuming his rights were terminated, Castiel would be immediately placed either with other family, or in the foster care system.”

“Then let me be his foster parent,” John offered.

“I’m afraid that’s out of the question,” Grice warned.“You’ve got a criminal record.You’re on probation.The rules to enter the foster care system are…”

“Then he stays with me, same terms Zach and I already agreed on.Cas is 16 and it’s what he wants.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.He is in a relationship with your oldest son.But what happens when that relationship inevitably falls on hard times?Castiel is being removed from an abusive environment…”

“Allegedly abusive!” the lawyer called.

“He is being removed from his family because of allegations of abuse,” Grice continued, unbothered.“While it’s true he has expressed a strong desire to remain in your home, the fact is that he has a living relative who has already taken in his sister.”

“Castiel cannot stay with his aunt,” John said with strained patience.“She’s just as nutty religious as his father because she’s his sister!If he’s with her, he’ll go straight down the drain.You know this, Grice!That’s even assuming she’s willing to take in her homosexual nephew in the first place, which frankly seems unlikely.And if Cas goes into the foster care system, his entire life gets completely uprooted.Now, you talked to his teachers and heard about how much he’s improved since Thanksgiving.He’s happy!He’s talking about plans for his future.He quit all the shit his dad forced him into, and he’s looking at joining track.He’s even making plans for the future, thinking about what he wants to do when he grows up.And he told you that it’s because he feels safe with me.He begged you to let him stay with me!And you told him you’d see what you could do.He’s 16.He’s old enough to decide himself where he wants to live.”John looked up at the assistant.“Your boss is worried about the reputation of this city.Dave here says he’s worried about Sam and Dean.And right now?I’m worried about Castiel.So here’s my proposal.For all the talk at this table about my boys?No one here knows them better than I do.I know for a fact that Dean would give up his career in the military and even go to jail for Cas.Sammy would stand in court and take whatever the asshole sitting across from me now can dish out…”

“Now see here, there’s no need for…!”

“…Because both of my boys love Castiel,” John continued over top of the lawyer.“They love him more than anyone here can possibly understand!He’s Dean’s boyfriend.But more importantly, he’s their brother.He’s my son.And now he’s a hero to all of us yet again.So if you want to play hardball?I will take this to court.If those two sons of bitches plead guilty, then I’ll go after them and Zachariah in civil court.I’ll press charges for Zach putting his hands on Sam and Dean.I’ll file a restraining order and protection from abuse against Zach to keep Cas safe from that piece of shit.I’ll spend every penny I have, do whatever it takes, to get custody of him.I will drag Novak’s name through the mud!And I will make sure all the dirty details somehow magically make their way right through the cracks in the courtroom walls.The whole damned world can see just what a piece of shit Novak really is, and what the leadership of this town cares about more than protecting its kids!”He quieted, sitting back and folding his hands.“Or, Novak and I can come to a little arrangement.”

Shifting and throat clearing at the table.“Mr. Novak acknowledges his mistakes in how he disciplined his children,” the lawyer began, “but Castiel belongs with his father!We’re not willing to give up parental rights.My client cannot…”

“If your client did even half of what he’s being accused of?” the assistant interrupted sharply.“Then I will personally do whatever I can to see to it that this boy is never returned to his custody again!Mr. Winchester, continue.What do you propose?”

“We let those two bastards plead guilty.And Castiel stays right where he is.Since I can’t adopt him or be his foster?Legally, he’s still Novak’s son.I expect that fucker to keep up Cas’s health insurance until his 18th birthday.But I won’t take a penny from him, and I call the shots on everything else.Cas stays.And if something happens, and Cas doesn’t want to stay with us anymore?Well, we’ll cross that bridge.I have your number, right Ms. Grice?”

“Yes, it’s on the card, but…”

“Good.You come on over any time you want, make sure Cas is safe and healthy and happy.But he stays with me.”John narrowed his eyes.“Or we take this whole mess to court, air everyone’s dirty laundry, and figure out who’s got the most to lose!”

The assistant looked at Grice.“Threats aside, do you feel that Castiel would be best served by staying with the Winchesters, despite having another living relative?”

Grice nodded.“If the aunt chooses to sue for custody, as next of kin she’s got the right.But until then?Castiel Novak appears to be thriving in his current environment.He has stated that he feels safe and has expressed a wish to remain.My recommendation is that he continues to remain in the Winchester household.If both parties agree to the terms Mr. Winchester offers, I have no objections.”

The lawyer was frowning again.“I will have to discuss it with my client.”

“And as for Zachariah Novak?”John glared at the lawyer.“You tell that fucker that if he ever comes near my family, including Castiel, again?I will pick up my rifle and the phone in that order.”

“That was a threat!He just threatened my client!I…”

“Zachariah Novak beat Cas so much his back is covered in scars!” John yelled.“God alone knows how deep the psychological scars go.But you said it yourself, Grice.Since he has come to live with me, Castiel’s made remarkable improvement.He’s got a new purpose, a new self-confidence.My boys gave him that.A stable, loving environment gave him that.So go ahead and let Lucifer and Balthazar Novak plead guilty and serve their time.If Zach agrees to let him stay, and Grice approves, there should be no problem here!Let me keep Castiel.I will love him like my own.And by God, I will protect him like my own, too!So you go crawling back to Zach Novak.You tell him that I’m glad those boys will go to juvie and jail because at least then, they’ll be safe from him.Tell him I hope he gets his righteous asshole raped in the unlikely event he actually spends one god damned day in jail.And you tell him what else I said.He stays away from my family, and I won’t make another move on his.Everyone goes back to pretending we live in a utopia.We all go on with our lives.Sound like a deal?”

There was some grumbling.But in the end, John Winchester got what he wanted.


	46. Not Always A Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present-day Sam finishes his talk with Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistyEyes gave me "The Story" by Sara Ramirez for this.

“So that’s why they call this Castiel’s Mile?”

“That’s right.”

Jack’s eyes were lost in his thoughts.I stayed quiet, letting him think.“It’s not fair,” he said finally.

“Life’s that way,” I agreed.“In the end, Zachariah really got away with everything because he never spent a day in prison.He lost Cas, but he never really fought for him again after his lawyer spoke with dad.He just packed up and moved west.Balthazar went to juvie and got out in a few months when he turned 18.Lucifer spent about 16 months in prison.They both followed their dad to the west coast when they got out.But maybe Zachariah did pay in the end.Your mom said that her brothers didn’t stay with him.As soon as Luci got out of jail, Balth went with him and they never looked back.Zach never forgave your mom, so when they left?He was all alone.Luci and Balth didn’t do so well on their own, either.Balth got deeper into drugs and finally overdosed.He was only 23 years old when he died.And apparently, that woke up Luci enough to get clean.I heard he got married and started a family.Until Balth’s funeral, Cas and Hannah kept in touch, but weren’t close.”

“I remember Uncle Balth’s funeral,” Jack said.“Mom was really sad because he never talked to her again after she moved in with Auntie.But they wouldn’t let her into the church for the funeral.So we went and waited at the cemetery.Cas was there.”

I knew the story.I’d heard about how Hannah had cried, abandoned by her family at her brother’s grave with her confused illegitimate child in her arms.Only the brother her family tried hard to pretend didn’t exist had been there to comfort her.

“What happened to Dean?”

Of course he would ask that.“Dean went to the Marines.It was sad, knowing we wouldn’t see him again for a long time.But it was exciting.I have a picture of the four of us, Dean in his uniform.He kept looking at Cas.They were so in love, but they couldn’t even kiss goodbye.We had to be so careful when we wrote.I remember Dean and Cas would talk about missing their one and only love in letters, acting like they were talking about girls because they couldn’t risk anyone seeing them and realizing Dean was gay.We all believed he’d excel in the military.I expected he’d come home covered in medals, become a cop, and be a hero.I told him when he shipped out that I was looking for a place to put his statue.”

“But then the accident happened.”

I nodded.“He was on base in Japan, helping unload a truck.We don’t know if it was a mechanical failure, or if someone was just careless and didn’t set the brake.Whatever the reason, the truck started rolling.The other guys were at the back and jumped out quick.But Dean was farther back in the truck and it was bouncing.By the time he was able to jump, it was going too fast.He landed bad.Destroyed his knee, same one he’d hurt in football.They had to give him an artificial knee and he was sent home.”I would never forget that awful day.My brother, the strongest man I had ever known, riding through the airport in a wheelchair.The utter defeat in his eyes.In one moment, his dreams of the Marines and the police were shattered.He’d barely said a word on the drive back.

“There’s one thing to remember, Jack,” I said.“For all the bad, all the pain we went through?We did win in the end.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, take Dean,” I offered.“When he came home, he was in a really bad place.And I still wonder if we made it worse because Cas wasn’t with us when we picked him up.But we’d rented the social hall.It was pretty tacky, with flowers on the bingo board and just friends and family because no church would have us.But I remember Dean’s face when we wheeled him in and he saw Cas, standing up there waiting for him.Dean had his crutches and was up out of that wheelchair so fast!In one moment, everything he’d lost just didn’t matter anymore.Because even though it wasn’t legal, Dean was marrying Castiel.He’d already known what vows he’d wanted to say.And once he took hold of Cas’s hand, he never let go.When Kansas finally legalized same-sex marriage in 2015, they were legally married at the court house.But that’s not the day they celebrate.Cas changed his name to Winchester the day Dean came home.That’s the day we consider their anniversary, the day they pledged their lives to each other.They’ve been together ever since.”

“Dean never got to be a policeman,” Jack pointed out.

“No.Castiel did that, and more.He works with shelters for battered spouses, kids' groups, and LBGTQ advocacy groups, getting them any help they need and telling his story.Have you seen his scrapbook?Get him to show you sometime.Cas’s story has helped a lot of people.As for Dean?When dad died a few years later, he left the store to us.Now Dean and I run it.Dean’s still working security with Benny, and I still work at the motel.”

“And you married Lisa.”

“Smartest thing I ever did,” I admitted with a smile.

Jack blushed.“She’s pretty.”

“Yes, she is.”

He looked troubled.“What about me?”

“Jack, you are the whole point of all this!” I exclaimed.“Every bad thing that happened meant that you and I would get here, to this moment.I saw you for the first time at my brothers’ wedding.Hannah was there for Cas, but it was pretty clear she wasn’t comfortable.I think that’s why she talked to me.Lisa and I had talked a bit about a possible future between us.We’d agreed not to have kids.She didn’t know how to be a mother, and I only wanted one baby, the one I’d lost.I have always loved you, Jack.Even though I never knew you, I wanted you so badly!I knew I could never really let you go.I didn’t think that would be fair to any other child.But suddenly, there you were!This beautiful little boy in Hannah’s arms.From the moment I saw you, I knew you were mine.I hadn’t known you existed!And I had already missed so much.You were a toddler.All I wanted was to hold you, but I didn’t dare.She just wasn’t ready for that.But she agreed to let me send the cards and make an account for you.I knew I had no right to ask for more.I just wanted you to know someday that your father did love you.Then Balthazar died, and Dean was there at that cemetery in his Marines uniform, daring anyone to start something.Those people were too proud to let a gay man and a woman with a child out of wedlock go into their church to pray for the soul of their lost brother.Dean’s the reason they were allowed to stay at the cemetery to say goodbye.No one wanted to mess with a Marine.Dean protected Hannah and Cas, let them mourn their brother and go in peace.And that’s when she started to re-think her views on her brother and his lifestyle.”

Jack nodded.“I was pretty little, but I remember.Dean was so strong and proud.Everyone was looking at him.I didn’t realize they were upset.I thought he was so cool, especially when he played with me!”He chuckled.“Mom had always called Dean Uncle Castiel’s friend.But that night, she told me he was his husband.She was surprised when I asked if they were like my friend’s moms.I don’t think she expected me to understand, but I ended up explaining things to her!”

“The world keeps changing,” I agreed.“So much of what happened then never would have happened now.But that’s my point.Even though it’s not always fair, and it seems like sometimes the good guys lose and the bad guys win?Life has a way of evening things out.”

He reached out and took hold of my arm.I allowed it, watching.His fingers moved on my right wrist, tracing the old scars.They danced over the marks of the cords where I’d been tied to the shelf.Moved to follow the hair-thin scar and lingered over the pin sites where surgery and an annoying metal frame had repaired my wrist.“You didn’t try to cut your wrists?”

“No,” I sighed.“I have an eating disorder, Jack.Part of me never really recovered from everything that happened.I didn’t know it, but I struggled with anorexia and bulimia all my adult life.I always thought that was something that girls did to lose weight.I’m a guy and I was never fat.So I didn’t realize that I had it.It’s not as uncommon as you might think, especially with certain types of trauma.”I had been careful about what I’d told him.There were some things I didn’t think a 13 year old boy should hear.“I would have stress in my life, and eating was something I could control when I couldn’t control anything else,” I continued.“Things would get better, and so would I.Until the next problem.Most recently, one of the girls who attacked me, Ruby?She came into the store last fall.She’s doing a program to get off drugs.Was on the step where you apologize to those you wronged.So she came in, after all these years, and talked to me.I knew who she was right away.I was fine until she took my arm.It was innocent, but...” I considered my words.“Sometimes when we’re hurt, innocent things bring up awful memories.I freaked out.Afterwards, I spiraled down fast.My family tried to help, but that only made me feel even less in control.I went back into the eating disorder.I skipped meals and threw up when I couldn’t because it was the one thing in my life I felt like I could control.It went on until I collapsed.Now I have damage to my heart, damage to my body.It’s going to be a long road to recovery.”

His fingers still traced my scars.“Most of your scars are inside.”

I nodded.“I think most people are like that.”

“So you lost after all.”

“No.I used to think that way.I did this to myself because I felt I had no control.But now I know that what I really needed all along was a reason to fight.”

He looked up.“What is it?”

I dared to touch him, to put my hand on my son’s shoulder.I couldn’t speak for a moment, looking into those eyes and seeing understanding dawn.But then I felt him stiffen.“It’s ok,” I said quickly, letting him go.“I promise I won’t push you, Jack.I wasn’t part of your life, and I have no right to be part of it now.You don’t owe me anything.What you gave me today, the time we spent?That’s worth everything to me!So please don’t think you have to spend any more time with me, or...”

“My birthday is coming up,” Jack interrupted.

I nodded.“I know.Is there anything you want from me, Jack?”

He looked at me anxiously.“Can I stay with you?Just for the week.I promise I’ll be good!”

For a moment I could only close my eyes, praying my thanks.I realized he was anxiously waiting and nodded.“Yes, of course!You can come stay, or I can come visit.I will be part of your life as much or as little as you want.”

“I want a dad,” he blurted.“I want you!”

I nodded.My heart seemed to have somehow gotten lodged in my throat.I had to swallow before I can answer.“I’ll be there,” I promised.“For as long as you’ll have me.”

He smiled then.It was more than enough to eclipse the sun.

***

Castiel looked up as he heard the door to their side of the duplex open, followed by the familiar slightly-dragging footsteps.He’d just finished cleaning up.Now he went downstairs to greet his husband.“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, angel.”Dean was quick to claim his lips.“How did it go?”

“They were smiling,” Castiel reported.“And Jack is coming to stay for the week of his birthday in June.”

“Awesome!”Dean was pressing against Castiel.“So you did it again, huh, hero?”

Castiel rolled his eyes.“Don’t start, Marine.”

Dean didn’t listen.Dean never listened.Already, his fingers were exploring under Castiel’s shirt.The rough pads traced over the ink on Castiel’s back.Castiel shivered, letting Dean pull off his shirt, displaying the tattoo of a pair of massive black wings that covered his back, masking the scars.“I love you,” Dean was saying.

“I love you, too.But Dean, we really don’t have time for...”

Dean’s hands caught the backs of Castiel’s thighs.Muscular from years of running, they easily supported Castiel’s weight as Dean lifted him onto the sofa.But then the hands became gentle.For over ten years of marriage, Dean had never once failed to treat Castiel like a precious, fragile thing.

Castiel was the one who was rough.He was now, seizing his husband’s arms and throwing Dean into the back of the sofa.He climbed on top of Dean, pushing him down to kiss him.“Dean?” he said between kisses.“My sister is waiting to see you.”

Dean made an interesting noise.“You’re not an angel.You’re a demon!An evil demon of lust, sent to tempt men and then destroy them with blue balls.”

“You don’t have blue balls.We made love last night.”

“I want to make love now!”Dean’s voice had a whine to it.

“Your brother will be coming over any minute to see where we are.Do you really want him walking in on us again?”

“Evil,” Dean moaned.“At least come take a shower with me?”

“I just took a shower.”

“Then come wash my back?”

Castiel knew exactly what that would lead to.But one look at the pleading in Dean’s eyes and he gave up the fight. “Alright.”

To Dean’s credit, he did shower.Castiel carefully cleaned Dean’s back, reverently kissing the faded scar on Dean’s shoulder.Dean hummed.He reached back and caught Castiel, pulling him around for a kiss.Castiel deepened it.He moved, kissing down his husband’s body as he went to his knees.He ran his hands down Dean’s bowed legs.Fingers paused a moment at the scars on his knee.He planted another kiss here.He slipped his hands around, letting his fingers stroke the soft skin behind Dean’s knees, making Dean curse.Castiel chuckled.He reached up, taking Dean in hand.His eyes rose to look at his lover.

Dean was ready for him.“Please Cas,” he whispered, carding his fingers through Castiel’s wet hair.“Please, angel!”

Castiel knew exactly what Dean liked.He focused on Dean.Tongue tracing the base of Dean’s cock.Lips tightly sealed.One hand fondling Dean’s balls, the other moving back to slip a questing finger to stroke Dean’s prostate.In moments, Dean was shaking.He looked like he wanted nothing more than to grab Castiel’s head and fuck hard into his mouth.But he didn’t.The hands on Castiel were nothing but gentle.It was one of a million reasons Castiel loved him.Castiel got up, turned off the water.“Take me.”

“I will!”

Naked and wet, they somehow managed to tumble into their bed.Then Dean was on him, skillfully sucking and stroking.Castiel was about to explode.“Dean!Please!”

Dean laughed and Castiel considered throwing a pillow at him.But Dean’s hand was reaching for the lube, even as he pulled Castiel onto his stomach with the other.Arm tight around his waist, holding him in place.Castiel relaxed.Finally the familiar pressure.There was barely any burn.Castiel’s body knew its lover and let him in eagerly.Kisses.Touches.Whispers of praise and affection.Everything he wanted.Just the way he liked it.By the time Dean’s rhythm stuttered he was already coming.

Dean finished with a cry.Now his weight was heavy on Castiel.Dean was pinning him down with his body, growing soft inside of Castiel.Castiel loved it.Dean’s arms were still around his waist.Dean’s head rested against his shoulder.Castiel never felt more wanted, safe and loved than he did when Dean held him like this after sex.

“I should have known.”

Dean didn’t move.“Lisa, you need to learn to knock.”

“And miss seeing you two with your asses in the air?” Lisa wondered.“Where’s the fun in that?”She slapped Dean’s ass.“Still got it.”

“Thanks.”Dean still didn’t move.

“Now get off your sexy husband and get dressed,” Lisa ordered.“Your brother is about to explode wanting to talk to you and let you see Jack!Thank God his brain was in PG rating and he didn’t guess what you two were doing.”

“Why do I put up with this?” Dean complained.He got up, drawing a whine of protest from Castiel.“My own fault for not locking the door.Stop checking out my package.”

“Sammy is bigger.”

“Get out of my house.”

“We’ll be right over,” Castiel sighed.

She left.

Dean was rubbing at himself with a towel.“I hate her.”

“You love her.We all do.”

“You’re having a hot heterosexual affair behind my back, aren’t you?”

“You’re standing right there.It’s hardly behind your back.Now give me the towel before Den Momma gets impatient and comes back over.”

They quickly dressed.Just before the door to the other side of the duplex, Dean paused.“He’s been in such a bad place for so long.Is he happy?” he asked.“Is Sammy happy about Jack knowing the truth?”

Castiel considered.“When they came back?” he began.“Sammy’s eyes were brighter than I have seen them in too long.I think it was like he’d just found the missing piece of his soul.”

“That’s corny,” Dean complained.“Why would you say that?”

“Because I know precisely how he feels.”

Dean looked back in surprise.Castiel was smiling at him.Their hands had sought each other out almost on instinct.Now Dean blushed and squeezed that hand.“I love you, Castiel Winchester!”

Castiel smiled back.“I love you, too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frick and Frack wrote the love scene.
> 
> Whew, finally done! Thx to everyone who stuck with me. I know this was a big one, but it was important for a lot of reasons. Thx for those who gave me kudos or comments, those are always nice. And remember, if you're struggling? MJ told me once that she believes the right people come along when you need them. There's an angel out there, waiting for just the right time to show up. Hang in there!
> 
> Huge thank you to MJ for inspiring this in the first place. Another thx to her for first telling me what the hell a beta even was, and then guiding me to MistyEyes73. MistyEyes, you are an incredible beta whose powers I will never doubt again. Cannot thank you enough!


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